


Tidal Waves

by desp3ration



Series: It's About Us [1]
Category: SKAM (Norway), SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Closeted Isak, Coming Out, Complete, Evak have always known each other, Even is pretty protective, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Lots of teen angst, M/M, Parental Issues, Pining, Sexual Content, Some Sonja/Even stuff, a little isak/jonas stuff, best friend evak, jonas is an enigma, like a lot of pining, long chapters if you're into that, lots of evak fluff, love that blossoms between friends, mainly evak, mutual pining between friends, possible nooreva, smol evak as well, some Isak sass, some Isak/Emma bs, vilde/magnus werkinnn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-03-03 19:05:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 325,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13347561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/desp3ration/pseuds/desp3ration
Summary: An alternate universe where Isak and Even have known each other since they were three and five, and Jonas is the new kid.Isak and Even are the best of friends, and act much closer than the other guys who are friends at their age. Over the years, they've secretly fallen in love with each other and are terrified of telling the other how they feel. Could their friendship survive coupledom or will it change their entire lives?





	1. Falling On My Face Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helllllo, welcome to my new fic. I thought that maybe I could do something AU. I kind of like to think of it as in one of Isak's alternate universes. Know that Evak will prevail, it is important to me that you know that, even though they're gonna pine for a few chapters. Also, just a warning that this chapter has a very small section where suicide/dark thoughts of that nature are discussed, but it is very, very quick.

**~Sunday Night~**

“I mean, I couldn’t believe it, she could’ve just kept going and going and _going_ ,” Even went on, his bright blue eyes almost popping out of his head, smiling wide as he gossiped about his latest and apparently greatest sex to his best friend. 

He always told Isak everything, since as far back as they could remember. His first kiss, his first makeout, the first time he went down on a guy, Isak was there to hear it all. Always taking it with a grain of salt and a slight ping of sadness in his heart. He could never actually tell Even that this openness and honesty was just one sided, that Isak wasn’t telling him everything about his own feelings. That would risk him losing Even forever, and he would rather have him as a friend than nothing at all. 

“Wow,” Isak said, trying to sound into it, but really just coming off bored as he leaned his head back onto Even’s bed. They were sitting on the floor of his room, one of their many spots for late night conversation, and Isak just wanted to head back to his own room. He didn’t want to hear anymore about Even and _Sonja_. There was something about her that he really didn’t like, at all, something in his gut that said she was no good for Even, that she was going to hurt him and leave Isak to pick up the pieces. 

“It was incredible,” Even said, watching Isak. He was laying his head in the younger boys lap, which Isak usually would be against while Even went on about his sex life. But, there was no risk of him getting hard while picturing Even with Sonja. There was more of a possibility of him throwing up, instead. 

“Sounds it,” Isak said simply, feeling Even’s eyes on his neck, knowing he was waiting for him to look back down at him. But, Isak couldn’t. Even knew him too well, he’d see the jealousy and anger burning through his features if he looked down. 

Oh, the perks of knowing someone his whole life. 

There wasn’t a point in time that he could go back and remember not knowing Even. He knew there were three years before their Mom’s had met at work, but Isak would be lying if he said he could remember those years. Perhaps Even did, having been five before he met Isak, he must’ve had some sort of memory without the curly blonde by his side. Isak didn’t let himself think about that often, he didn’t want a life without Even, not even five years of blurry memories while their brains were in the early stages of developing. 

“Isak, you usually eat this shit up,” Even said carefully, sitting up and putting his hand on his cheek. Truthfully, the two boys were a little more touchy than most friends their age, not afraid to card their fingers through each others hair, lay their heads in each other’s laps, hold their faces to look each other in the eyes. And, that’s what Even did, tilted his head and searched his eyes, “is everything alright?” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Isak told him, looking away before he could really examine him and waving his hand. “I’m actually just tired, I think I’m going to go to bed.” 

“It’s pretty early.” 

“Well, I’ve got an exam tomorrow, you know how I am,” Isak shrugged and put his hands behind him on Even’s mattress, pushing himself up. He was the nerdy one, the one who cared about school, cared about attendance and making the grades. It was a good enough excuse. 

“Alright, sweet dreams, my little nerd,” Even said, a little distance in his voice. Isak knew that he was still curious, still wondering if what he said was the whole truth or not, but he wasn’t going to question it further. 

“Goodnight, Ev,” Isak tossed him a weak smile and then went through the door that connected their rooms, stripping down to his boxers and climbing in bed. 

Isak had moved in with the Bech Næsheim’s a little after his dad moved out and left his mom. It was during his first year at Nissen, and everything was sort of a mess then. Their mom’s had been close for a while so when Marianne needed to be hospitalized for a week about a month after his father left, Even’s mom told him he could stay with them as long as he needed. He went to move back in with her a couple of times, but it had been hard for him and Even could see the toll it took from his best friend. He couldn’t let him live like that. Every time he would force him to come back home, with him, with his family. 

Isak never really could turn him down. 

They’d all visit his mom together. She had a caregiver, so she wasn’t truly ever alone, but Isak still kind of felt awful going their, especially on his own. He felt like he abandoned her because he couldn’t take care of her. Even was always reminding him that he was too young, especially back then, to live there and take care of her. It didn’t actually make him feel any less bad, but the pain got easier over time.

So, now he had a family of his own. The Bech Næsheim’s. The only problem was that we was more than a little bit in love with the guy in the next room over. The guy who he could sometimes hear having sex. The guy who his parents liked to call his brother. The guy who would never look at him as more than an annoying little brother. Even.

He stared at the ceiling for a while, trying to get thoughts of Sonja and Even out of his mind. At least when he dated Mikael, Isak didn’t feel like this. Actually, a lot of the time when Even went on about their sexual escapades, Isak would shortly thereafter find himself getting off in his bed with thoughts of being in Mikael’s position. Being fucked by Even. And, honestly, even without that fantasy, the thought of the Mikael and Even completely naked and rubbing up against each other was better than any porn Isak could watch. 

He didn’t know whether or not the same thoughts didn’t come to mind with Sonja because she was a girl or because he just plain didn’t like her. He just couldn’t put himself in Sonja’s position. As much as he wanted to be the one with Even, he certainly didn’t want to be her. 

He groaned a little and rubbed his eyes. He needed to get over this. He’d never be able to come out if he never got over Even. It’d ruin everything. 

That much he knew. 

 

**~Monday Lunch~**

“So, we were at the skatepark yesterday and we ran into that new kid, Jonas,” Magnus was going on, “and we invited him to sit with us at lunch today, is that chill?”

“Fine by me,” Even said nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders as he took his seat beside Isak at the table. “Everyone around here seems so fascinated by him, can’t wait to see why.” 

“Yeah, whatever,” Isak mimicked Even’s shrug and leaned back in his chair. He had a class with the guy, and he was admittedly pretty cute. He wouldn’t mind sitting with him and getting to know him a little bit. Besides, if there was someone else that Isak found attractive at the table, in their friend group, maybe he’d stop thinking about Even that way. Just maybe. 

“Mahdiii, Mags!” A surprisingly chill voice came from behind, making both boys stand up and greet him with a couple of bro-hugs. “Fellas, so glad I found you. This place is like a zoo, I swear.” 

“Usually, it’s worse than this,” Even pointed out, looking up at the boy who had no idea who he was. “But, you’ve been here a couple weeks now, you probably know that.”

“Uh, yeah,” Jonas raised a brow at him and then shrugged off Even’s arrogant confidence. “I’m Jonas.” 

“Even,” Even said as he took his hand, shaking it firmly. Isak liked watching Even meet new people. They were always so stunned by the way he carried himself. He had an overwhelming confidence that sort of blew everyone else away. It was probably intimidating as hell, and Isak was just glad that he didn’t have to meet him now, because he’d probably cower away from that beautiful smile and those exuberant eyes.

“Even, ah, the boys talked about you a little,” Jonas said, pulling a chair from a table nearby and sitting right at the head of the table. “You do film stuff? That’s pretty dope, actually.”

“I do,” Even smiled and looked at Mahdi and Magnus, a little proud of himself that the boys actually brought him up when he wasn’t around. He wasn’t as close to the two of them as Isak was, but they really liked the guy, and that was all that mattered. “Is that all they said?”

“Mostly, yeah,” he shrugged and he let his gaze flicker to Isak for a moment, “and if you’re Isak, then they also said that you two always steal away the hot girls.” 

“Oh, uh,” Isak shook his head, kind of shocked to meet Jonas’s piercing gaze, and to be talked directly at like that. He really was hot, and his presence was kind of nerve-wracking, and wasn’t it kind of a compliment that he would assume Isak was Isak got all the hot girls? Did it mean Jonas thought he was good looking? “Yeah, that’s me. I don’t- I mean, yeah, I hook up at parties but who doesn’t.”

“That would be Magnus,” Mahdi said with a laugh and a clap to his friend’s back. “Sorry, bro, someday soon, we’ll get you nailed. Right Jonas?”

“Oh, hell yeah,” Jonas nodded, looking back at the boys, “We won’t let these one’s near the hot chicks until you’ve got one on your arm.” He smirked and then looked to Isak and winked. 

“Fine by me,” Isak managed to say quietly, not sure if his eyes were deceiving him. Did this kid actually just wink at him? What did it mean? His heart beat a little bit faster and he kind of just wanted to get up and leave before he made a fool of himself. He would make a fool of himself, he always did. 

And, just like clockwork, he leaned too far back in his seat and toppled over. 

All of the boys and a couple of people nearby laughed and clapped, including Even who eventually helped him up off of the ground. 

“That’s Isak,” Even said cheerfully once Isak was back in an upright position in his chair. “His beauty is half of his charm, but the other half is his clumsiness, which he takes with grace.” He put a hand on the back of Isak’s neck and rubbed it gently with his thumb. It was a display of kindness out of love for his best friend with maybe a hint of joking at Isak’s suspense. 

Isak swatted away his hand and groaned a little, hating himself for being so ridiculously in love with Even and for embarrassing himself in front of Jonas within fifteen minutes of knowing him. He hated how tragic he could be. 

And the boys laughed again, making Isak complain that it wasn’t fair that he was always the one they were making fun of. 

 

**~Monday Evening~**

“Isak, come on,” Even pulled him to the bench, making him sit down. They were at the skatepark, the rest of the boys off on their boards while Jonas taught them new tricks. Isak wanted to skate too, but he was too afraid of how clumsy he might get in front of the new kid. Sometimes he wondered that being this distracted by guys was just one of the unfortunate side effects of being a closeted seventeen-year-old. And sometimes he worried that he would always be this distracted by guys, never being able to score one because he’d mess up, trip, fall, stutter, make himself act and sound completely ridiculous all because of the attraction.

“I don’t want to sit,” Isak hissed, letting himself be dragged by the arm, anyway. He kept getting in the way of the skaters, almost getting himself killed a couple of times now, but Even had invited Sonja and sitting meant sitting with the two of them and he wasn’t sure he could actually stomach that. 

“I’m not going to sit back and watch you get run over by a skateboard, now sit,” Even told him sternly, pushing him down on the bench and sitting between the two of them. Isak couldn’t help but notice that he sat closer to him, their bodies touching even as he turned to Sonja and started up his conversation again. 

With Even’s body heat radiating against him, it was kind of hard not to be comfortable. He even leaned into his side as he watched the boys skate, his eyes mainly on Jonas and the way he moved on the board. He wasn’t exactly into skaters or really anyone of Jonas’s nature, but there was something about the way he carried himself that reminded Isak of… well, Even. Confident, sure, and somehow within a day of knowing them, already seeming to be really loyal. 

When a couple of guys were making fun of Magnus’s inability to do one of the simpler tricks that Isak was pretty sure he himself could actually do, Jonas was right there, pushing at the guy and telling him to back off. It was a nice quality to top off his confidence and good looks. 

Isak watched and let his crush get a little bigger while he leaned on the boy he loved and listened to the conversation he was trying to have with his new girlfriend. She just didn’t seem as into it as Even, which was a shame, seeing as Even could go on about movies for hours. Isak wondered how long they truly would go on for. Even couldn’t really be into someone who didn’t even at least try to understand his interests, could he?

Or maybe Isak was reading into it too much. Maybe she was interested, trying to understand. Her tone of voice didn’t give that impression, but he also wasn’t looking at her face. Nor did he want to. She had the looks of a model, honestly, blonde hair, high cheekbones, radiant smile; he could see how Even might be attracted to her, could see how they’d be an attractive couple. But, she always looked so smug and rather than exuding confidence the way Even did, she gave off an air of knowing something that made her better than you. She talked to Isak like she could smell his fears and his secrets. Like she could and would break him down with a single sentence or even a look. 

He wasn’t sure how Even didn’t see that side of her. Maybe the sex was just that blinding. 

Isak coughed to hide his gag when it came to mind, causing Even to pause and lean into him more, asking if he was okay. 

“Yeah, just swallowed a bug,” He reached for Even’s bag and stole his water, taking a swig of it to drive his lie home. Sonja watched as Even took it from him taking a sip of his own. _Yeah, we swap saliva too,_ Isak couldn’t help but think to himself, hoping he wasn’t squinting at her too menacingly, but not caring if he did unless Even saw it too. 

“Anyway, I’m just saying that Baz Luhrmann really isn’t that great,” Sonja told Even, her voice kind of sounding like she was poking fun, but Isak was pretty sure she was serious. He couldn’t help but take a harsh breath in. _Ouch._ And then, suddenly they were both looking at him, Even with amused eyebrows up to the sky and Sonja with knitted brows, squinted eyes and pursed lips, like she could kill him with the look. 

“Sorry, sorry,” Isak laughed a little and leaned away, “I wasn’t trying to interfere or anything. But, joking or not, you’re totally digging your grave saying shit like that. Even’s got a serious love for that man. Would marry him if he could.” 

“She can have an opinion, Isak,” Even said, still smirking at him, but Isak could tell he was just trying not to intimidate Sonja too much. Obviously there was _something_ about her Even liked or he’d be walking away right then. He gave Isak a wink and then turned back to Sonja. “But, he’s kind of right. Be careful about Baz. There’s a three strike rule.” 

Isak covered his triumphant smile with his hand and tried to turn his gaze back to the skaters. He and Even leaned back into each other, and he could feel his body shake with a laugh as Sonja laughed nervously along. Hearing the nerves in her high pitched giggle made Isak feel pretty good, but part of him knew he had to be careful. He still wasn’t sure if she would destroy him or not if he fucked this up for her. 

 

**~Tuesday Morning~**

Even hated school, and he was so glad that he was almost done, but he’d always be mad about having to repeat a year. It wasn’t his fault he had that breakdown during his third year and had to do it over, but he felt like such a loser when he thought about the fact that he had to. He was just lucky to have Isak, always there lifting him up when he was down about it, or down about anything for that matter. 

Every morning when they parted ways, he was a little upset to leave his side. He’d never admit how it felt like a part of him was missing when Isak wasn’t around because that wasn’t healthy. Was it? Sometimes, he’d even take the long way on his way to his first class and walk with Isak and Sana on their way to their Biology class together. Even if he just walked behind them, there was a comfort in hearing them bicker. 

It was different than the bickering between Isak and himself, that he could admit. Sana and Isak both really liked being right and being smart, so their bickering was of a competitive nature. Even bickering with Isak was, well, more flirtatious. Mostly because Even liked seeing the emotions pass the younger boy’s face, loved hearing his outraged gasps and lame comebacks. He knew that the way he noticed these kinds of things had a more than friendly nature to them, but as long as Isak didn’t notice, what was the harm, really? 

And it wasn’t like he’d never made a pass at the younger boy before. Isak was just oblivious.

There was one day when he wanted to go for a late night walk. Mikael had just left and he was kind of stressing. He could feel the ends of their relationship coming, both of them pulling away emotionally and really only sticking together because of the sex. He thought a walk with fresh air and a talk with Isak would help him figure out how to take it on, how to end it and stay friends. How to not fall apart after losing something that once felt like a lot to him. 

He expected Isak to be asleep in his room when he came through the door. But, Isak was on top of the covers with his hand in his boxers. He sat up immediately, pulling his hand away and bringing his knees to his chest hide himself. Even in the dark of the room, Even could tell he was blushing like mad. 

“What are you doing?” Isak had asked, mortified with wide eyes. 

“I wanted to see if you’d go on a walk with me,” Even said slowly, not sure whether or not to acknowledge what was going on. “I figured you’d be asleep, that’s why I didn’t knock.”

“O-oh,” Isak stuttered and ran a hand through his hair, “I was just—”

“Yeah, I know what you were doing.”

Isak put his head on his knees and groaned, insanely humiliated. Even didn’t really know why he was so embarrassed. It wasn’t like Isak hadn’t seen him getting himself off before. They were pretty open with each other about this shit, anyway. Even figured that it was because of what got him going and decided not to pry. 

“I could blow you,” Even suggested, a smirk on his face with a joking tone, but boy was he serious. He would love to blow Isak, to show him the skills he had grown over the months with Mikael. 

“Ha-ha, very funny,” Isak rolled his eyes and threw a pillow at him, either not interested or not able to see how serious Even was being. “Just, go wait in the living room. I’ll be out in five.”

“Only five, huh?” 

“Shut up, I’m not finishing,” Isak groaned, “Like I could after this. I’m just going to get dressed.” 

“Alright,” Even smirked and put his hands up over his head, backing out through their adjoining door and shaking his head once it was closed. He felt a little stupid for his suggestion. Of course Isak wasn’t going to take it, they lived together, practically shared parents, a family. Isak would never look at him that way. 

Even though he was pretty sure Isak was gay. 

“Even, why are you following us into class?” Isak asked, shaking Even out of his thoughts about Isak. He realized then what he was doing, standing in the middle of their classroom while Isak and Sana took their seats, looking up at him with mirrored confusion. 

“Sorry, I don’t know,” Even shook his head and laughed, trying to be his suave self. Even though that sometimes faltered when Isak was around, he would try as hard as he could to keep his demeanor. There was something about it that made him feel a little more in control. “Guess I just got caught up in you two trying to outsmart each other. My money’s on Sana, by the way.”

He winked and leaned in, kissing Sana on the cheek and then waved at the two of them before getting out of there. He was probably going to be late to class, but there were worse things than a completely chill dramatic entrance with all eyes on him. 

 

**~Tuesday Afternoon~**

“You don’t like her, do you?” Even heard Eva asking Isak as he approached the table outside of the school. On Tuesdays, a lot of their friends gathered together at this table after school, gossipping and getting plans geared for the rest of the week. Some of them liked to start their partying on Thursdays, so they all made sure they had it worked out before then. 

“Don’t like who?” Even asked, taking his usual spot next to Isak, wrapping his arm around his shoulders and shaking him a little before removing it and settling for their legs brushing against each other. 

“Oh, uh,” Eva stuttered and looked around to Vilde and Noora for help, but when they both came up with a confused look, she just went on. “Ingrid. We just all thought he was going to be getting back together with her because we saw them talking but, uh, turns out that he really doesn’t like her. Like, at all.”

“Well, yeah, she’s kind of a bitch?” Even said, but it was more of a question. What was Isak doing talking to her? She was rude to the girls and Isak never really liked her, even when they were together. He knew that, Isak had told him that. They had just dated because he was bad at letting people down, so he couldn’t say no to her. 

“Totally,” Vilde said with a nod. “Which is why we don’t talk about her at this table. Now, where are the rest of the boys?” She looked at Isak curiously. Everyone else was in attendance, Isak sitting between Eva and Even on one side of the table, and Chris, Sana, Vilde, and Noora on the other side. 

“Should be here soon?” Isak shrugged, “Oh, but they might bring the new kid. They’ve got, like, a guy crush on that guy. I swear, he’s all they talk about, even when he’s there, they’re bragging about him.”

“Someone sounds jealous,” Noora pointed out, opening up a bag of chips and taking a couple before offering it around the rest of the table. “Are you afraid of losing your friends to him or something?”

“What? Of course not,” Isak shrugged, blushing a little and Even couldn’t help but think maybe he was a little jealous. Not of Jonas, but of the boys who were now spending their time with him. Even had noticed the way that his eyes watched him the day before at the skatepark, had noticed him lose his grip when Jonas looked him in the eyes and winked. Maybe Isak was crushing. In that case, Even was the one who was jealous of the new kid. Of course, he’d keep that low key. 

“If you say so, but here they come now,” Sana shrugged and pointed to the three boys walking towards them. Jonas was in the middle and Magnus was talking animatedly with his hands, waving them about while the other two watched him with amusement. 

“Y’know, he;s pretty cute,” Eva said, turning her head and smiling at the girls across the table. Vilde shrugged and Noora gave a brief ‘Eh,’ “Well, I think so. We’ll invite him to our pregames and stuff, yeah? We _have_ to. I want to get him drunk.”

“You act like that’s the only way you could get him, Eva,” Even pointed out, trying to keep his eyes on her, though he could see the way Isak’s eyes had dimmed when she admitted to liking him. Maybe he actually did like Jonas, maybe hearing that Eva did too made him upset. The poor guy. 

“It’s not, but I think it’s a good start,” She laughed and shrugged, flipping her hair dramatically and putting on her best smile as the boys finally made it to the table. “Oh, here, I’ll sit by Vilde!” She offered, popping up and scooting on the opposite bench next to the girls to give all the boys the maximum amount to manspread all they wanted. 

“Halla,” Isak greeted the boys, reaching across the table and bumping their fists before scooting over to the edge of the bench so they could join them. Even moved right up next to him, the two always sitting close enough to touch. Even wondered if anyone thought that was weird, or if they just grew used to their touchyness over the years. They’d known most of them since Isak was like, ten, some of them before that, others after. They didn’t really know a world where Even and Isak weren’t close. 

That was something that made Even happy. You know, low key. 

“Gals, this is Jonas,” Magnus greeted them as Jonas sat in the middle of the guys bench, “Jonas, this is Eva, Vilde, Noora, Chris and Sana.” He pointed to each girl individually and Jonas gave everyone a nod of recognition. 

“Sorry if I don’t remember right away, but I’ll figure it out,” He said, giving them an award winning smile. Even guessed he could see what Eva and Isak saw in him, but mostly, he was just an average looking guy. No big deal. Maybe it was the eyes. Maybe it was the confidence. 

He’d be lying, though, if he said he didn’t have a type and that Jonas did not fit into that category. Not a tall, light haired beauty. Nothing like Mikael, nothing like Sonja, nothing like _Isak._

“Okay, so weekend plans!” Vilde said in her chipper tone, clapping her hands together and letting everyone go around the table with parties they heard about as well as whose houses were available for pregaming. Even and Isak were usually a no on the house front, mostly because Even’s parents were almost always home and because he had a younger sister that was around a good amount of the time and was known to be a tattletale.

 

**~Wednesday Lunch~**

“So you really don’t like her?” Jonas was asking Isak as Even pulled up to to the table. Even seemed to have this timing lately, always walking up when someone was asking Isak about people he liked and didn’t like. This time, Isak wasn’t so afraid of him finding out who they were talking about. 

“Nei,” Isak said as Even took the spot beside him. Today Jonas was sitting on the other side of him, and they seemed to be hitting it off for real now. Jonas had witnessed him talking to an extremely hot first year in the hallway before class, and now they were all up in discussion about it now. “Well, I don’t know. She’s kind of desperate, I think.”

“But, does that matter? She’s hot as hell,” Jonas hit his shoulder playfully. “I thought you were always stealing the girls.”

Even let out a little huff of laughter beside him and then everyone turned to him. 

“Do you have something to say, Even?” Isak raised a brow, wondering why that was when he chose to laugh? What was so funny about Isak stealing girls? He had the most game out of him, Mahdi, and Magnus. They all knew that. 

“Well,” Even shrugged a little, “though I don’t know who we’re talking about, I’m going to go ahead and say Isak has class. Style. The girls may be all over him, or are at least choosing them over these two, but he pushes most of them away. He doesn’t have it in him for a sleazy hookup.” 

“I do too!” Isak protested, though he really didn’t. He’d gotten lots of offers at parties, but really only a handful of blowjobs. That wasn’t his fault, though. If he was drunk enough and a girl touched him in the right way, his horny seventeen-year-old body could definitely respond. But, if he had any amount of weed in him, he was too aware of who he was, how much he really didn’t like girls, and he had to push them away before he could admit that he couldn’t get it up. 

“Oh, please, Isak,” Even shrugged, “Honestly, it’s an admirable quality. I’m just a slut who will get it on with everybody. You have class.” He put a hand on Isak’s head and took his backwards snapback off him, “Although your style suggests otherwise.”

“Hey,” Isak said, snatching his snapback back from Even and placing it back on his head, “You’re not even a slut though. You get a boyfriend or girlfriend and then that’s it. You’re like, the most monogamous, classy person at this damn table.”

Even was smiling at him. It was a compliment. They were complimenting each other, except, in high school, as a guy, it wasn’t supposed to be a compliment. It was supposed to be a jab, they were supposed to be bantering. And, as good as Isak felt about having class and style, as much as he loved hearing that Even thought so highly of him, he kind of had an image to upkeep. The boys thought he was a player. They had to keep the bantering. 

“I guess that’s true,” Even shrugged, and looked at the boys. “I like being in relationships. There I said it, you can all shame me now if you want. But, I don’t know. I like my sex with a little meaning, with someone who cares about me.”

“Gaaaaaay,” Magnus said, which caused Mahdi to hit him in the chest and Isak and Jonas to give him identical death glares. “What?”

“Dude, you can’t say that,” Jonas said, sitting back in his chair and crossing his hands over his chest. 

“But he is!”

“I am, well, I'm pansexual,” Even shrugged. “But still, it’s not okay, man.” Isak widened his eyes a little. He never really heard Even actually Identify himself. He knew that Even wasn’t ashamed of who he was, but he didn’t really realize that Even had a label for what he was. Isak just knew that he liked guys and girls. Fuck, he was going to have to google what it meant to be pansexual. 

“Right on,” Jonas leaned forward and gave Even an approving fist bump. 

Isak had to wonder what that meant. He wouldn’t be Isak if he didn’t overthink it. Was it just Jonas’s way of saying that he didn’t give a shit whether Even was gay or not? Was it his way of saying that he liked that Even was open with this shit? Or was it a hint to say that he was in the same boat? Maybe Jonas was pansexual or bi or somewhere else on the spectrum. Maybe Isak had a glimmer of a chance. He wasn’t sure, though, seeing as Eva and Jonas seemed to hit it off, and technically she had dibs. But, if Isak liked Jonas and there was any way that Jonas liked Isak back, wouldn’t it be fair? 

All is fair in love and war. 

 

**~Thursday Afternoon~**

Chilling with Jonas was actually a lot of fun. When Isak had found out that Even was going to spend his afternoon with Sonja, he needed something to do, and Jonas was absolutely up for anything. So, Isak decided on a place to hike and Jonas supplied some weed. 

It was actually crazy how well they got along. Isak understood why Mags and Mahdi were so obsessed with the guy. When Isak talked, he hung on every word, looked at him like he mattered, engaged in a way that he’d only seen Even do. He actually acted like he cared about Isak’s opinions, and he was nowhere near afraid of telling him he was wrong, or suggesting an alternative opinion. 

“I’m just saying, man,” Jonas was going on as they laid in the grass, “If there really were that many alternative universes, wouldn’t science eventually be able to travel through them? And then what happens to our reality, huh? If we can interact with our alternative selves and they have a better life, we’re going to be devastated. We’re going to change shit, fuck with our lives. Like, our universe will implode on us. We’ll hate ourselves for not making a decision or what the fuck ever and like, off ourselves right there. That blows.”

“Well,” Isak said, this not being something he had thought about before. He always found some comfort in alternate universes. The idea of infiniti. He and Even talked about it extensively, but they never came to this. Plus, he was pretty baked so he was a little mind blown. He had to pause to try to gather his thoughts. “As much as I trust and believe in Science’s advancement, I’m not sure it’ll ever get that far. I feel like to get that technology and funding, a lot more people would have to believe in it. And, I’m not sure they do.” 

“Hmm,” Jonas hummed quietly, closing his eyes and letting himself soak in his thoughts. Isak took the moment to steal a glance at him, taking in his profile. He thought about whether or not Jonas could be into him. Every conversation they had so far seemed meaningful and right, like they were at least advancing in the friendship aspect. 

“Hmm,” Isak repeated, turning on his side and propping up his head to look at him better, not caring if Jonas caught him. Mostly because he was high, but he justified it with caring about their conversation. “Do you think there’s a choice that you’ve made in life that you regret that much? That your life could be so much better that you might want to, you know, like, off yourself?”

Isak hated talking about the idea of suicide. Even got that way sometimes when death would be on his mind a lot. Isak knew it wasn’t a joke. Talking about killing yourself could never be a joke because there were so many people in the world who thought it was their one way out. And, after hearing some of Even’s darker thoughts, after what happened during his biggest breakdown ever—the one that made him have to repeat the school year—he really couldn’t handle anyone who brought it up as a joke. So, if he was going to talk to Jonas like this, it was going to be serious. Even if it were too serious for being this high, it was brought up and in the air and he was going to talk about it. 

“Nei,” Jonas shook his head and then turned on his side, too, looking at Isak. “I don’t think so anyway. My life is pretty good. Maybe I’ve made a few questionable choices, but I don’t regret them. I hope it’s always like that, though. What about you?”

“Nei,” Isak said quietly, he could feel Jonas’s breath on his face, they were so close. He thought maybe he should kiss him, take a leap, be able to go home tonight and tell Even about it, finally come out and not be worried that Even might guess his feelings for him. But, would it be a choice that he regretted? “I mean, sometimes I regret my decisions, but not enough to think like that. My life is alright.”

“What’s a decision you regret?” Jonas asked, raising an eyebrow and looking into Isak’s eyes intently. It was like he wanted Isak to bare his soul to him. Right then and there, without even knowing him for a week.

“Not like, scooping up the first person I kissed,” Isak shrugged a little, looking down at his hand on the ground and pulling out some grass between them. “I bet we would still be together if I did.”

“What? No way?” He sounded completely shocked, “how old were you when you had your first kiss? Was it this year or something?”

“No,” Isak blushed a little and rolled his eyes, “It was nine. That person was also my first makeout though. Not on the same day. It was three years later. I was twelve. And it was just as magical as the first kiss. But, again, could’ve, would’ve…” 

“Isak that is crazy,” Jonas laughed and shook his head vigorously. “You really think you would be with the same person from the age of nine, when you don’t know shit, until now? Do you even still talk to this person? Who even is it?”

“That doesn’t matter,” Isak sighed a little and let himself collapse back on his back. He could’ve kissed Jonas instead of talking about this, but he didn’t. Instead, he was talking about someone else, someone who meant the whole world to him. And, maybe Jonas was right. Maybe nine was too young and he and Even would’ve grown apart if they dated back then. “What matters is that I’ll never know if it’s true or not.” 

“Fair,” Jonas said quietly and laid back down on his back as well. Isak listened to the movement of his clothes rubbing up against each other as he moved back and then let himself get lost in thought. 

He remembered the day that Even came over to his place. He was eleven and he had just been at his first ever boy-girl party. He was so excited to tell Isak that he kissed a girl behind the tree. All he wanted to do was tell his best friend about it, so he asked his mom immediately if he could stay over at Isak’s and went straight from the party to his house. 

Isak was amazed at the thought, kissing someone. He’d seen it in very few movies, he’d seen adults do it all the time, but he never thought about himself kissing someone else. He was still in a stage—one that he didn’t know back then would never go away—where girls had cooties. But, he was still excited for Even. He was older, more mature, of course he was going to kiss girls, he was just so cool. Isak looked up to him.

“What was it like?” He asked, sitting wide-eyed on the floor of his room with Even. 

“Like, a kiss,” Even said in his ever-cool manner, a little shrug. “So indescribable. Kisses are like, so soft. Lips are soft, and so when your lips are touching someone else’s, oh man, Isak, it’s like, so awesome.”

“I wonder if I’ll ever kiss anyone,” Isak looked at Even’s lips, not sure if he’d want to kiss them, but just wondering if they were as soft as he was saying. He reached up and touched his own lips. If kissing was that awesome, he wanted a kiss, too.

“I can kiss you, if you want,” Even shrugged again, face not giving away any sort of feelings on the matter. It just seemed like he wanted to help out his buddy, like it wouldn’t change a thing if the two of them kissed. They were best friends, nothing could come in between. “And, we don’t need to tell anyone, that way you know what you’re in for when you get your real first kiss.” 

It felt a little weird, but Isak really wanted to say yes. He knew that not a lot of people thought guys kissing guys wasn’t okay. His mom dragged him to church and he’d heard a few different slurs used for guys kissing guys, and reasons why it might be wrong. But, Even said no one would know, it’d be between them, and what harm could that do? It would just be like training. So, before he knew it, he was nodding a giving his consent, letting Even lean over and press a chaste, brief, slightly parted lips kiss to his mouth. Isak followed his lead, parting his lips the same, and pulling away with a dramatic ‘mwah!’ 

Isak never admitted how fast it made his heart beat, how much it made his stomach flutter nervously. How much he wanted to do it again. And, after that, Even wanted to play videogames, so they did. They didn’t talk about it again until Isak had his first kiss and thanked Even for teaching him what to do because Amalie told everyone in the class that he was a great kisser. 

Then, when Isak was twelve, Even was fourteen and had his first makeout. He had been out on a date to the movies with him and another couple in his class. It was an early movie on a Saturday, and he had been nervous all the day before, knowing what was going to happen, but Isak had calmed him down, told him he could do it. Truthfully, Isak was jealous, but he would never get in the way of Even and happiness, not even that young. He always liked seeing him excited and happy. 

Even had promised to spend the night that night, and he ended up teaching him how to makeout, too. It was sloppy, both of them being so new to it, with a lot of confusing tongues, too much teeth, and lips that swelled up from so much pressure. 

It probably lasted longer than it should have, but Isak didn’t complain. He knew then that no kiss he’d ever have would be as gut-twisting and heart-pounding than kisses with Even. No matter how sloppy it was, it was absolutely perfect, and he liked Even so damn much. He was so happy to have him in his arms, their mouths attached, connecting on that level. He didn’t even care that he was swapping saliva with someone who had just been doing the same with someone else. He didn’t even care that this would be their secret to never speak of again. It was beautiful and Isak would cherish it, Isak did cherish it. 

He knew then that he was gay, of course he pushed it way to the back of his mind and let himself get internally homophobic. Especially with all the bible verses from his mom and gay slurs from his dad, it was hard to not. But, after Even came to him about the first guy he liked, Isak worked on the homophobia. Watching Even come out and come to terms with himself was so utterly helpful for Isak, he just wished Even knew that. Someday, he would know that. Isak had to believe that that someday would come. 

 

**~Thursday Night~**

Isak was doing his homework in his bed. Even was still out with Sonja and he had texted Isak a few times, asking for him to cover for him with his parents. He didn’t want to cover so Even could have some gross quality time with Sonja, but he did. Mostly because he would do anything for Even. 

He’d told them when he got home for dinner that Isak had left him at the library. He had a big exam in the morning, and he really needed to get in the cramming. His parents believed that, knowing Isak was a stickler for school and that Even was the one always cramming at the last moment. 

Isak just hoped Even would be home by the time the library closed, that way he didn’t have to make up another excuse. Just in case, he sent Even a warning text, so he would know what his parents thought and hopefully be home in a timely fashion. 

Even’s parents were usually pretty lenient. But, they cared about education, so school nights were very important to them. On weekends, sure, they could be out until the early hours in the morning and they could have their significant others over if they asked. Their philosophy was that they’d rather the kids be open with them to tell them about anything they might be dealing with. That way, they wouldn’t get themselves into trouble without coming to them for help before it got too out of hand. So far, with a few exceptions, it worked out pretty well. They were lucky.

Even came home early enough, 22:00, and knocked gently on the door to their adjoining rooms. 

“Come in,” Isak said lightly, just sitting at his laptop, pretending he was still working on writing a paper he gave up on at least an hour prior. 

“Hey, Isak,” Even said with a smile as he walked in. Isak reached over and turned on the bedside lamp as Even joined him on the bed, “I just wanted to thank you again for covering for me, I actually went to a pregrame party with Sonja.”

“Oh, yeah?” Isak closed his laptop and tried to look interested, “How did that go?”

“Pretty good,” Even shrugged, “Why didn’t you go? Vilde, Eva, and Magnus were all there, you know.”

“Oh, well,” Isak look at him, sitting up more in bed and running a hand through his hair, “I hung out with Jonas after school. We got high, lost track of time. I was almost late for dinner, and then I had a ton of homework to do, so.”

“With Jonas, huh?” Even raised a brow and looked like he was examining Isak for a moment. “Just you two? How’d that go?”

“Pretty well, actually,” Isak smiled small and then reached out for Even’s shoulder, pulling him down as he laid back on the bed. So, now Even laid across his lap, both of them turning their heads to look at each other as he continued talking. “He’s a cool guy, insightful and shit. I think that the two of you could have some pretty _intense_ conversations. Or maybe you’re too alike and you wouldn’t get along? I don’t know.”

“Hmm, well,” he raised his eyebrows and reached out, stroking Isak’s arm, “we’re all going out together tomorrow, right? Maybe I’ll get to know him a little better then.”

“Mhm,” Isak moved a few of his curls out of his face to get a better look at Even. “Are you going to be bringing Sonja?”

“Yeah,” Even nodded, still examining him. Isak wondered what the hell he was looking for. Was something plastered on his face? Was he making Even think something was up in some unknown way? “Mags also said he was inviting Emma, so you might want to talk to him if you don’t want that.” 

“Oh,” Isak sighed and decided to look up at the ceiling again, feeling exposed with Even examining him like that. “Yeah, that’s fine, I guess.” 

“If you say so,” Even said and then sat up and suddenly, he was straddling Isak, looking down at his face with that examining look. “But, hey, you don’t have to like her, you know. It’s no big deal. She’s who you were talking about Tuesday, right? Not Ingrid. Because, why the fuck would you be talking to Ingrid.”

Isak’s breath was caught in his chest and he prayed that Even couldn’t feel or hear his heartbeat. It was fast, too fast for just friends. And, Isak hadn’t been talking about Emma to Eva. No, he was going on about how he didn’t like Sonja, how there was something up with her that really didn’t hit him right. He never didn’t like someone like this. And, usually, if he didn’t like someone, Even didn’t either, so it was just really weird. Isak didn’t know how to tell him. Especially with Even on top of him like this.

“You’re right, I wasn’t talking about or to Ingrid that day,” Isak said, looking in his eyes to make sure Even knew it was the truth. Part of the truth, but the truth nonetheless. Isak hoped that would be enough for Even.

“So it was Emma, then?” Eyebrows raised, Even wasn’t letting it go. 

“No,” Isak sighed and turned his head again. “But you don’t want to know who I was talking about. Alright? Can we leave it at that?”

“Since when don’t you tell me this kind of stuff?” Even asked reaching down and taking his chin in a hand, holding it to turn his head back to look at him. Isak could tell Even was sad that he was keeping something from him. Even being upset always gave him a gut-wrenching feeling. 

“Fine,” Isak groaned, “but don’t be mad at me, okay? My opinion means nothing.”

“Isak, your opinion means _everything_ ,” Even sighed and then moved to lay next to him wrapping his arm across Isak’s stomach and resting his forehead on the side of his head. “But I won’t be mad. Of course I won’t be mad. So just tell me.” 

“This time, it means nothing,” Isak began, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose as if to stave off a headache. He loved being in Even’s arms and Even being so close to him like this. He was just afraid that if he told him, it would stop, it would all stop. “It was Sonja, okay? I’m trying really hard but there’s just something I don’t like and I’m sorry I feel like this, seriously. It shouldn’t change your opinion about her and I’m not asking you to.” 

Isak wanted to say that he was asking him to change his mind and get the toxic energy out of his life, but he’d never ask that of Even. 

“Really, Isak?” Even pulled away and looked at him, eyebrow raised. No, this wasn’t an angry face, but he was definitely confused. “I had no idea.” 

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” he sighed and pinched his nose again, closing his eyes. “There’s just this feeling I get about her. Also, I feel like she could kill me with a look.” 

Even laughed. It bubbled out of him uncontrollably, filling the room with a brightness that made Isak’s heart beat faster. It was such a beautiful sound, one that Isak always loved hearing. And, even though he was embarrassed that he was being laughed at, he couldn’t help but open his eyes and smile at him. He wanted to push him away and tell him to fuck off, but he was tired, so he just pulled him in and cuddled into his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a lot of backstory/setting everything up and whatnot, the next will be the weekend/party mode/some drama drama, but let me know if there's anything that needs expanding on.  
> Comments/Kudos are greatly appreciated.


	2. Filthy Little, Filthy Little...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read with caution. Explicit, possibly triggering scenes.

**~Friday Morning~**

Even ended up falling asleep in Isak’s bed. Isak was in a shirt and boxers, and sometime during the night, Even kicked off his jeans too. They slept tangled together comfortably, as they had too many times to count before. When Isak’s alarm was going off the next morning, Even was a little confused. He knew it was Isak’s alarm right away, but he didn’t remember falling asleep in the same room as him. 

But, when Isak groaned, rolling over in his arms and tapping the screen on his phone a couple times, Even remembered. They had talked a little bit about Isak’s worries over him and Sonja, and Even understood for the most part. He could see how Sonja would be so intimidating, especially to the young boy who was hurt enough times to be apprehensive with new people—Jonas, for some reason, being the exception. He could also see Isak worrying about Even getting hurt; Even always worried the same way for Isak. But, Even seriously doubted that Sonja was out to get Isak. There was no motive. 

“You’re still here,” Isak said with a little smile as he turned back over. If Even knew Isak, he had pressed snooze, and would for another thirty minutes. He had probably turned over to tuck himself back in and doze off for the next ten minutes before the alarm started going off again. 

“I am, apparently,” Even laughed lightly, “which means you’re getting up right now. Sleeping for ten minutes at a time for the next thirty is absolutely pointless. Let’s get up.” 

“Just ten more minutes, _please_ ,” Isak pouted and his sleepy green eyes glistened. It was hard to say no to him, especially when he sleepy. He just looked so small, fragile, and Even kind of wanted to give him the world then lay like this with him forever. 

“Fine, ten minutes,” Even groaned a little and pulled him into his chest, letting him cuddle into him while he played with his hair. Even couldn’t get back to sleep after waking up in the mornings, it was pointless, just putting off the inevitable. So, he’d let Isak sleep, hold him because he liked to have him close, and just think about their situation. 

He always wanted to come clean to his best friend. He always wanted to just kiss him, tell him it didn’t have to be for practice or their secret, and then keep kissing him forever. But, that wasn’t fair to Isak. For some reason—if all the signs pointing to what seemed to be obvious were right—Isak wasn’t comfortable with his sexuality. He would even go as far as to hook up with girls or lie about hooking up with girls to keep his rep intact with the boys. He wished that Isak would just tell him, and it kind of hurt that he wouldn’t, but he wasn’t going to force coming out on him. No one deserved that. Everyone deserves to be comfortable with themselves before putting something like that out in the open, for everyone to known and judge. 

Which, was kind of stupid and unfair. But it’s how the world works. 

Right then, though, Even figured he should pursue his thing with Sonja. It was unsettling, knowing that his best friend had something against her, but there were feelings there. Sure, he wasn’t a hundred percent sure how far the feelings would go, how long they’d last, but it was worth pursuing until that was figured out. If Isak and him were too close to be soulmates, he had to have one somewhere. 

He hated that he was a romantic and that this was the stuff he thought about. Falling in love, soulmates, finding The One, these were all things that he shouldn’t care about at his age, but he did. God, he did.

So, he tried not to think about the fact that while Isak curled up so close to him, breathing deeply and sleeping happily, he fit just right. Tried not to think about how he smelled so good to him, even though he knew he wasn’t wearing cologne or even any hair product. Tried not to think about how soft his curls were between his fingers. Because, every time he caught himself thinking about things, there was a squeezing at his heart, a longing that hurt so much more than his break up with Mikael. He would have to continue to tell himself that he had Isak as a friend, and that should be enough. It had to be enough. 

Before he knew it, the alarm was going off again, and he did the favor of reaching over Isak and turning it off. When the younger boy groaned again, he laughed again. Isak was definitely not a morning person, and it was kind of hilarious. 

“Alright, seriously, that was ten more minutes, we’re getting up now,” Even told him, letting him go. Isak pulled on his shirt but eventually gave up as Even started to stand. He turned over again and threw the blanket up over his face. 

“Not ready,” he grumbled, so Even grabbed the comforter and pulled it right off of him, letting it fall to the floor. “Fy faen, Even? That was literally so fucking rude?”

“Oh, relax, Mr. Grumpy,” Even chuckled, shaking his head. It was normal for Isak to act out in the morning, say things that were meant to hurt. It was just who Isak was, and it was something that Even absolutely loved. 

He wasn’t always like that. When they were younger, they would always wake up by eight in the morning on Saturdays to watch early morning cartoons. They’d sit on the couch of whoever’s house they were at, eat cereal and laugh together. Isak would even come over some mornings before school when they were younger. His parents had to leave for work before school started, so they’d get ready and play video games or draw in the early mornings. But, once puberty hit, Isak became Mr. Grumpy. No more early morning cartoons, and he’d take the bus to school with sleepy eyes instead of waking up even a minute earlier than he needed. 

Even never questioned it, because he knew there were times where Isak didn’t sleep for days. It was insomnia, the doctors said, they wanted him to talk to some counselors, but he didn’t want to and promised to talk to Even instead. To always talk to Even. 

Lately, though, Even was pretty sure there was a lot going on in his mind. On top of his assumptions of Isak being gay, he also always seemed to be a little far off, thinking about something, or maybe someone else. Maybe it was Jonas. Maybe he was caught up on Jonas and not sure what to do. Maybe it was stress with Emma, or maybe it was about how he felt about Sonja. 

Whatever it was, he wasn’t showing any signs of sleep deprivation yet, so Even assumed that it wasn’t too terrible. He trusted Isak to come to him when he was ready to talk about it. He always did. He just hoped that Isak wouldn’t pent himself up too far and snap. He did that sometimes and would push everyone away, yell at them and then do irrational things until Even made him talk. 

“Seriously, Isak,” Even warned him when the boy just continued to lay there, looking up at him defiantly. “I’m going to go get dressed and that’ll take like, three minutes tops, and if you’re not out of bed—”

“You need to shower,” Isak interrupted, sitting up and looking at him seriously. 

“What?”

“You need to shower,” Isak repeated, looking him up and down, “you smell like booze and sex. Trust me. Shower.” 

Even groaned, not even having thought about it. He had like, two beers at the pregame, but there was also a lot of dancing and booze sloshing out of solo cups, too. Then, of course, before the pregame was over, he and Sonja managed a quicky on the sink of the house they were at, Even pulling out and getting cum up his shirt, so yeah, Isak was probably right. 

“Fine, you win this round, Valtersen,” Even shook his head and went into his room, knowing that this gave Isak free range to fall back asleep until the absolute last minute. But, he gathered up some clothes, went to the hall closet for a towel, and hit the showers. 

 

**~Friday Lunch~**

“Boys!” Isak said excitedly as he joined the table with Magnus, Mahdi, and Jonas, giving them each their own handshake fistbump bullshit that was probably dated from the nineties, but they always did some form of anyway. He sat down next to Jonas. It seemed that his new spot was in between Jonas and Even. 

He didn’t mind. 

He felt good today, well rested, ready for the weekend. He was going to make some moves. Whether it was actually trying shit with Emma, figuring out Jonas’s sexuality, or opening up to somebody about his own, he was going to fucking do it. He felt ready, awakened. He had looked up pansexuality the night before and he thought it was interesting. Yeah, he’d only been into guys before, but maybe he could be pansexual, too, that’s why he had the urge to try things out with Emma. She really was a pretty girl, and even though he’d been calling her desperate, she also seemed really damn sweet. She was going out with them tonight—confirmed right before lunch with their daily run-in in the hallway—and so was Jonas. 

So, he had options. The day and night could go anywhere. Maybe he’d finally be able to stop pining after his best friend. Maybe he’d stop feeling jealous and irrationally angry at Even’s girlfriend.

“Isak, looking good, you get a full eight hours and a good breakfast, or what?” Jonas said with a smile as Isak sat next to him, opening up his milk and drinking some.

“Maybe more than eight hours, honestly,” Isak nodded, “And there’s always good breakfast at the Bech Næsheim’s. So, yeah, actually. Speaking of, has anyone seen Even?”

“Not yet, but the guy’s popular,” Magnus shrugged, “He’s probably on his way. I realize it’s hard for you to go anywhere without him attached at your hip, but you can relax, Isak.”

“Wait, the Bech Næsheim’s? You spent the night there? Or do you live with Even?” Jonas asked with an eyebrow raised. “What, are you cousins or something?”

“Oh, god no,” Isak shook his head, kind of surprised at his curiosity and rapidfire of questions. Was it jealousy led? It was also surprising that this hadn’t come up in past few days of knowing him. It wasn’t like it was a secret, they usually showed up together, left together, but he guessed that didn’t need to mean anything. “I just live there with him. I’ve got kind of a shit family, so it’s just kind of what needed to happen. I only moved in last year though, not like I’ve lived there my whole life.” 

“But they’ve known each other forever, I literally can’t even remember Isak ever entering a room without his bodyguard in tow,” Mahdi said with a chuckle and shook his head. 

“Oh man, you remember that time—”

“When that guy wanted to beat Isak up—”

“And Even totally annihilated him?”

“Hey, guys, he is not my bodyguard, thank you,” Isak rolled his eyes. If Even were here, he’d probably take what they were saying with pride. But, Isak felt a little ashamed; a bodyguard? Like he had been someone who couldn’t fight his own battles. Like he was a wimp and now Jonas was going to think he was a wimp, _thanks a lot, guys._

“If that story had a little more details, I might be inclined to agree with you Isak,” Jonas said, giving him a half smile that said he didn’t agree whatsoever, “But, as is, it sounds like he is your bodyguard. I mean, when you guys are in the same place, you’re always right up with each other. Didn’t he like, force you to sit on the bench the other day at the skatepark after that dude almost ran you down?”

Isak groaned and put his hands in his face. He didn’t realize any of the boys noticed him while they were skating. Who was he to these boys? Maybe his rep for being a player, the guy who got the girls, partied with the best of them, and hung out with the older crowd was all a joke. Maybe he was just a wimp with an older, protective boy stapled to his side. 

“Just so you know, I _can_ stand up for myself. I do stand up for myself,” Isak told them, lifting his head, seeing Magnus and Mahdi with their looks of disbelief and then turning to Jonas and hoping that he believed him. “It’s not my fault Even is always there, being protective and shit. It’s not like I ask him to. He just does. Even when I tell him not to, actually. When he’s not around, though, I can and will fend for myself. I could be a damn fighting king.”

“Who are you fighting?” Even was finally joining in, plopping into the seat next to him, his eyebrows knitting together with worry and his eyes telling Isak that he was there for him. 

“No one, Ev,” Isak rolled his eyes and leaned away. He was a little annoyed, he didn’t need Even making him look like a coward all the time, making him the baby of the group, making everyone think he couldn’t fend for himself. He probably had more muscle than the tall, lanky older boy, Even just got mad easily, which made his adrenaline pump and his fighting skills seem superior. 

“Fine, but if you are, just let me know,” he shrugged and bit into a peach that he pulled out of his lunch bag. 

“See, I told you,” Magnus said and the rest of the boys laughed together. 

“Shut the fuck up,” Isak said, his excited mood officially gone. He was ready to leave them there, that was for sure. 

“Told him what?”

“Oh that you’re his—” 

“That’s enough!” Isak practically yelled, pushing away from the table and getting up. He stormed out of there, figuring one of the guys who wanted to make fun of him, think of him as some unmasculine piece of nothing, could pick it up for him. He’d show them. 

No, he wasn’t going to pick a fight in school. He hated himself for caring about his record enough not to, but there was something else he could do. He stormed through the hallways, searching for the short brunette, the desperate girl who he had just been talking to, the one who he knew would be happy to see him. Someone who thought he was man enough.

He found her with some of her first year friends in the hallway, they were laughing and probably gossipping about something utterly pointless, so he didn’t care that he was interrupting. They all stopped and looked at him with fond eyes. He knew immediately that she must’ve said a thing or two to them, and that they wouldn’t mind him pulling her away. 

“Isak, hey!” She bubbled, her face immediately pushing up into a smile, basically growing three inches taller with excitement. “Did you need something?”

“Do you mind if I pull her away?” He leaned around the group, watching them shake their heads, curiosity and excitement for their friend crossing their faces. After a few ‘Neis’ and one ‘go ahead,’ he was pulling her away and pressing her up against the lockers in a kiss. 

She responded immediately, and Isak tried not to think of the word ‘desperate,’ but he did anyway as she kissed him back passionately right there in the middle of the hallway. She wrapped her arms around him and her friends oo’d and and ahh’d at the show. Isak put an arm up over her head on the locker and put the other on her face, cupping it and pretending not to be put off by the dangly earring that his fingertips grazed. 

Eventually, he found himself pulling away for air. It was a little endearing that she followed him as he pulled back. She didn’t want the kiss to end, so at least it felt right to her. 

“Hey, you wanna go underneath the stairwell?” Isak raised a brow at her. The stairwell was known for daytime hookups, it was right out of sight, and though he’d never taken anyone there, he’d known some people who had gotten and gave oral down there, even a few that got caught by other students, and even worse, some teachers. He figured they’d just make out, not do anything else, but being seen going there with her would be enough gossip to spread some wildfire about who Isak was. 

“Oh, Isak, I don’t know,” she said meekly and he could tell she was nervous, he wasn’t going to push anything, so he just nodded and kissed her again, a little more aggressively as he pressed his hips into her. That she did not object to, and it elicited another group of oo’s from her friends. Their lips were overlapping with speed, tongues taking turns exploring each other’s mouths, a neediness from both of them clung to the air around them. 

“Excuse us,” A familiar voice said from directly behind him and suddenly Isak was being yanked away from the kiss. As soon as the big hand was on his shoulder, the voice registered, too. Here was Even to treat him like a kid again, like he did when he woke up this morning, like he did at the skatepark when he forced him to sit down. 

“Hva faen?!” Isak gasped as he was pulled away from a very confused and disheveled looking Emma, her eyes wide. Even dragged him—and Isak tried to pry his hand off of him and tried to protest, but he couldn’t without making too much of a scene, and this was not the scene he wanted to make—all the way into the nearest boys bathroom. 

“Get out,” Even almost growled at the first years who were smoking in there. They quickly tossed their butts out the window and left. No one really wanted to deal with an angry Even. Not even Isak, but Even didn’t have any reason to be mad at him. Isak was the one who needed to be mad. 

“What the hell is going on with you, Isak?” Even asked, putting a hand on his shoulder and pressing him up against the cool bathroom wall. Isak couldn’t help but focus on the smell of smoke. If a teacher walked in, they might think it was them, hell, Even had a cigarette tucked behind his ear, he was basically damning them. 

“Nothing is going on with me,” Isak groaned and shook out of his grip. He knocked his snapback to the ground as he turned around and grabbed at his hair in annoyance. He was annoyed and angry for so many reasons. He was a wimp, his friends thought he was shit, the guy he loved looked at him as some sort of fucking kid, the guy he could maybe fucking have probably thought he was awful now too, and he felt absolutely nothing while kissing Emma, the only fucking person who actually seemed to like him _that way._

“Sure as hell doesn’t look that way,” Even sighed, leaning down and grabbing his hat from the floor, moving around and gently offering it to him. “You were literally just talking about how you didn’t like her, that she was desperate, Isak. And, don’t say you changed your mind because I know it’s a lie. I saw the look in your eyes when you were talking about it. You aren’t interested. So, why the hell are you stringing her along? Why are you storming away from the boys and me?”

“I assume they filled you in on what we were talking about?” Isak asked, putting his hat on with the visor was facing front so he could hide behind it while he was blinking back tears. He was confused and angry and he didn’t want to be crying in some first year bathroom hangout.

“They did,” Even paused and chewed over the thought, looking up at the ceiling with a sigh before looking back down at him and flipping around his hat. “Do you not like me sticking up for you or something?”

“Nei, it’s not that,” Isak said and looked down. It was the truth, he felt shrouded in love when Even went so far as to beat someone up for him, to stand in his way of physical danger or mental hurt. It felt nice. “I just don’t like what it makes everyone think about me, okay? I didn’t realize that the boys thought I needed a damn bodyguard. I don’t. I can take care of myself Even, I’m not a fucking kid and I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t look at me as one.” 

“Isak, I don’t—”

“You’re always telling me what to do, like you’re my dad or something,” Isak wanted to throw up at the thought. He didn’t want to compare Even to that piece of shit, Even was so much better than that. “Wake up now, sit down here, don’t kiss her. Even, you do, don’t fucking lie to me. I’m like you’re annoying little brother that you have to look after constantly.”

“Faen, Isak,” Even shook his head and put his hands on his shoulders, he looked a little sad, his eyes going darker with shame and his lips turning down. “I really, really don’t look at you like that, Is. I care about you because you’re you, you know. You’re my best friend and I love you so damn much and I just want what’s best for you. But not in a _dad_ way, not like a _kid brother_. Fuck no, Isak. I’m actually really surprised that you think I think like that, honestly. I just...thought we were buds, you know.” 

Isak’s heart was breaking. On one hand, Even was admitting that he didn’t look at him in the brotherly way Isak felt doomed to, but on the other hand he was saying he loved him, but as a best friend, as _buds_. They still would never be anything more. 

He also hurt because he was going off on Even for literally no reason. It wasn’t Even’s fault he was protective. It was one of the things Isak loved about him. He couldn’t help the way it made the boys feel about him. 

“Isak, I just don’t understand why one thing led to the other here,” Even admitted, running a hand through his done up hair and leaning against the wall. “I mean, I don’t think the boys actually think you need a bodyguard, but if they did, why would that lead to you kissing some girl you don’t even like in the middle of the hallway?”

“Uuuggghhhh,” Isak groaned a little, leaning sideways against the wall and facing him but looking down. He was kind of afraid that admitting his motives would out him in some way. And, he knew he said he was ready, but he wasn’t until he had a buffer, something that would make sure Even wouldn’t find out how he felt about him. 

“You can tell me anything, I just want to understand,” Even said gently, being kind with a light hand on his neck that Isak couldn’t help but lean into while his thumb ran up over his jaw. 

“I just, ugh,” he looked up at Even, “don’t judge me. But, it just felt like they were saying I couldn’t stand up for myself. I mean, they basically were, it’s how they feel. And it made me feel like...like i had to do something _manly_ okay? Try to, you know, up my masculinity.” 

It sounded stupid as he said it, he knew that. Jumping from A to B just over a few stupid jabs? The boys were always poking fun at each other. He could guess what Even would say next, actually. So, he just looked back down and waited for the inevitable words. 

“So kissing some girl you’re not into against a locker is manly then?” Even shook his head, still pretty confused. “You know, most guys would just like, challenge their friends to an arm wrestling competition or something if they were having a masculinity complex? I bet you could at least beat Magnus in that. And then who can’t fend for themselves, huh?” 

“Ugh, why am I so stupid?” Isak asked, bumping the side of his head against the wall a couple of times. An arm wrestling contest. That would’ve made so much sense. He could probably even beat Even in one of those. Fuck, he was an idiot and overreacting for fucking nothing. Why did he do things like this? Was it some sort of brain malfunction?

“You’re not,” Even chuckled softly and stroked his jaw with his thumb a couple more times. “You’re literally just a teenage boy. We all do pretty stupid things without being stupid, well most of us actually are stupid, but you’re not. Trust me.” 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Isak rolled his eyes and then let himself fall into Even’s body, wrapping his arms around him and hugging him. “But you have to say that.” 

“Nah, I’m pretty sure I’d let you know if you were stupid,” Even laughed, hugging back. “You want me to talk to the boys, or is that too bodyguard-ish?”

“You don’t have to talk to them,” Isak shook his head and pulled away, looking at him. “I’ll challenge them, and _you_ to that arm wrestling contest at the pregame tonight. So, you better be ready.”

“Oh, I will be,” Even shook his head and laughed, hands still on Isaks hips. “Want to get out of here?”

“Sure you don’t want to smoke that, first?” Isak teased, poking at the cigarette behind his ear. “Fucking first years, why the hell not just take it outside?”

“Because they’re first years, trying to be cool,” Even rolled his eyes and then shut the window behind them.

“I thought you quit smoking, by the way?”

“Hey, this stuff is highly addictive,” Even nodded and took the cigarette out from behind his ear, twirling it in his fingers and looking at it while he talked, “I’m doing pretty good, but I cave every now and again, I won’t lie. I don’t smoke at school, though, this is just decoration. Makes me look badass. It’d be a joint if _someone_ would let me smoke, and if I wouldn’t get in like, so much trouble.” 

“You’re literally so ridiculous.”

“It’s what you love about me.”

Unfortunately, that was true. One of the very many reasons. 

 

**~Friday Evening~**

The pregame was held at Noora’s flatshare. Everyone was there, including her two older roommates, Eskild and Linn. It was a cool place and Isak couldn’t help but wonder what it might be like to live there with them. He’d met Eskild a couple times, he was the loudest and proudest member of the gay community that Isak had literally ever encountered. Even tonight he was wearing the tightest leather pants and a pink button up with a rainbow painted on the back. 

Isak wondered if he’d ever be like that. Not like, flaming—he didn’t feel like he was the type to dawn rainbows and have sleepovers with chicks and paint his nails—but just proud out himself, of who he was. Instead of sitting on the couch with his arm wrapped around Emma’s shoulder while she went on and on about how Justin Bieber really actually was good music. Hiding behind this straight facade that, at that moment, he didn’t even think he could get out of. 

He felt awful, he really was stringing Emma along at this point, but he didn’t know how or when to end it. They weren’t official, so technically he could just start ghosting her, let her move on on her own. But, that didn’t feel like him, he wasn’t sure he could really be that mean. But, wasn’t he being mean already? His idea to test out the idea of pansexuality began and ended with the hallway makeout. He felt literally nothing but an intense need to prove himself, there had been no sparks, no physical attraction, nothing. And, even now, they were just talking, and she was holding his hand up against her bra wire or whatever, and he couldn’t even get into the conversation. Even if she was a guy, he didn’t think there would be chemistry. 

Maybe he’d muster up enough drunk courage tonight to end things properly. 

“Isak, Emma, halla,” Even said as he approached the two, sitting down on the couch and pulling Sonja into his lap. “Emma, this is Sonja, Sonja, Emma.”

“Halla,” Sonja smiled at her then looked at Isak. It was one of those knowing looks, and Isak swore there was a twinkle in her eye. Not like the kind where there was a spark of happiness or something just nice in general. No, it was the twinkle was one of pure evil, of some wicked witch giving away a poisonous apple. “Are you two…?”

“Still very new,” Isak nodded a little and decided he needed to speed up on his drinking, not being able to deal with Sonja and Emma, and his feelings for Even this sober. He finished his drink fast, and was springing up and excusing himself quickly to go get more, not even offering to get anything for the three of them. 

“Hey man,” Magnus said as he stepped into the kitchen, heading for the fridge for another beer. He and the boys were sitting at the table, talking to each other while Eskild leaned over on his elbows, batting his eyelashes at Jonas. 

“Halla,” Isak said, grabbing his beer and sauntering over to the table as he cracked it open. “What’s up, why aren’t you like, mingling?” 

“Mags wants to get with Vilde,” Mahdi told him and pulled out the seat beside him for Isak to join, which he did happily. He was glad the boys weren’t mad at him for his unexpected outburst at lunch and that all of that nonsense seemed to be done with. “We were just trying to make a plan.”

“A plan that’s never going to work,” Eskild said and clicked his tongue, moving his eyes from Jonas to Isak. “They think he can get away with not being himself. But what happens when they get into bed and he is naked and completely and utterly himself? Then there will be rumors and gossip and he’ll never be able to sleep with anyone at Nissen for the rest of his school career.” 

“He has a point,” Isak said with a nod, looking at the other boys and stopping on Jonas. “Whose plan was this, yours? You think Mags can just be all chill and laid back like you? He doesn’t have that...charisma.”

“Hey, I’m loaded with charisma!” Magnus protested—a much better sport than Isak—and the boys all laughed, shaking their heads, but Jonas kept looking at Isak. Had Isak overstepped? Was being chill, laid back, and charismatic too much of a compliment towards someone you maybe had a chance with?

“Well, it wasn’t all my idea, Mahdi was pitching in,” Jonas shrugged and looked at Isak in a very familiar way. His eyes were blue. Not like Even’s, but much darker, like the sea instead of the sky. “Well, what did Emma do? You were calling her desperate just a few days ago, and now you’re making out with her and shit.”

“Magnus is more desperate than Emma,” Isak said, feeling a little bad talking about her while she was just in the other room. On edge, too. He didn’t exactly want her hearing him say this kind of shit. “But uh...I don’t know. Maybe Mags needs to make Vilde feel wanted?”

“Isak, that is so soft, so genius,” Eskild said with shock, walking around the table and hugging him around the shoulders from behind. “When did you get so sweet? You’ve always been a grumpy little bitch.”

“No, no, he still is,” Magnus said, rolling his eyes and looking around the table. “Make her feel wanted? Shit, how do I do that? Won’t that be desperate too? Fuuuck, I don’t even know what I’m doing that makes me so desperate, how am I supposed to stop it?”

“Just try to be chill, man,” Jonas said with a shrug, “Not too eager. Make her feel good, like Isak said, but just, don’t act like...like you absolutely need this. We all know you do, but she doesn’t need to know that. And, if that fails, well, we’ll figure something else out.” 

Isak shook his head and took a sip of his drink, knowing that they were going to have to figure something else out for sure. Magnus being chill around girls was the equivalent to Isak being graceful around guys. Impossible. As much as he made fun of him, as much as they all did, Isak felt pretty similar to Magnus. Desperate, not sure how to act, doomed to be alone. 

“Alright, go try it out,” Isak shrugged, carefully tipping himself back in his chair, thinking that he was just going to chill there for a bit before heading back to Emma. Magnus chugged the rest of his beer and stood up, setting it down with a confident clang against the table. 

“Oh man, I’ve gotta see this,” Mahdi said, getting up and following him out. Jonas tipped his head at Isak and then followed the other two. Leaving him there with Eskild. 

“Jonas is pretty cute, huh?” Eskild asked, sitting down where Jonas had been and leaning across the table at Isak. Isak liked Eskild, he did, but the guy was nosey as hell. So what, once he caught him at a gay bar late at night? 

He’d been upset, he just wanted to get drunk. Yeah, he knew it was a gay bar, but he never would admit to that. He told the older boy, who found him crying alone at the bar, that he was just trying to drink to forget. If he hadn’t been so drunk, he probably wouldn’t have been so open about his tragic backstory with his mom and his Dad, who officially left, completely out of town, probably never to be heard from again. He didn’t want to leave the bar when Eskild finally pried him away from his last drink. He had told Even’s parents that he would be out at Magnus’s for the night and he couldn’t go home. So, Eskild eventually took him back to his place, here to the flatshare. They even shared the bed. 

“I don’t know, I guess,” Isak shrugged, trying not to give anything away. Even though he knew Eskild had a hunch about him from that night, he wasn’t going to admit to anything. 

“You guess,” Eskild wiggled his eyebrows and looked at him, tilting his head. “Have you told Even yet?” 

“Told Even what?” Isak’s eyes widened, he could feel them basically popping out of his head. He knew Eskild thought he was gay, but did he know about his secret feelings for Even, too? How did he get to that point? 

“About our night at the bar?” Eskild bit his lip and waved his hands a little, “You know, everything you told me about what your dad said to you that night? About him skipping town? I know Even was in the middle of an episode then, and you didn’t want to add that stress, but...have you talked to him yet?”

“No,” Isak said, shaking his head and looking down. He didn’t remember telling Eskild about Even’s episode. Didn’t remember giving him specifics on what his Dad had said to him that day. But, apparently he did. He suddenly felt so exposed. He’d rather talk to Eskild about his sexuality, rather talk to him about his feelings for Even. Those two things kind of made him feel like shit, too, but talk about his Dad somehow made him feel even worse. 

Maybe it was because he knew he came from that man, that he was a literal piece of him. He was a piece of someone who was total garbage. At least being gay and loving Even didn’t make him a bad person. 

“Are you ever going to?” Eskild was speaking gently, as if he was walking on thin ice that he knew would break at any moment. Like Isak could break at any moment. 

“I don’t know yet,” Isak sighed and shook his head, “he gets kind of, protective and angry and I don’t want him to. My dad’s not here for him to go off on, but still. Besides, there are other things going on anyway. With me.” Why was he so open with Eskild? 

“Yeah?” Eskild pressed, looking around and leaning across the table a little bit, getting closer to talk quieter. “Anything you would like to discuss with me? You know I don’t judge, and since no one knows about that night, I’d assume you also know that I can keep things to myself, of course.” 

“Not tonight,” Isak shook his head and stood up, needing to get out of this space with Eskild before he really did spill his guts. “I just want to have a fun night, okay? I don’t want it to be ruined with bullshit feelings about my dad or other things.” 

“Okay,” Eskild nodded before standing up, reaching across the table and squeezing his shoulder. “But, you’ve got my number. Or, you know, you can always talk to Even. He’s a good guy. I’m actually pretty upset that Sonja slipped her way in before I could.” 

“Oh yeah?” Isak smiled a bit at this. Yeah, he loved Even and didn’t want him with anyone else, but at least if he had been with Eskild, it’d be two good guys together. Much better than Sonja.

“Yeah!” Eskild put his hands over his face and dragged them down his body, “I hate myself. I was trying to wait a good amount of time so I wouldn’t be his rebound with Mikael, but I totally missed my chance. I mean, look at her, she’s like...female him. God and Goddess. How can I ever compare?”

That made Isak’s smile falter. He didn’t want to think that Sonja and Even were much alike. God and Goddess was actually too much to hear. His stomach turned a little, but he had to remind himself that maybe they were good looking together, but their personalities would clash eventually. It was only a matter of time. He hoped anyway.

 

After everyone had a few drinks in them, the pregame was in full swing. The music filled the room and everyone was dancing, grinding on everyone in a way that it might as well be an orgy. With the pregame going this well, it was hard to say that they would ever actually leave to head to a party. Of course, usually going to parties was to be drunk with people outside of their squad, to hook up with random people, and just have a good time in general. 

But, technically they had a few randos, like Emma and Sonja. Even though Jonas was vastly merging into the squad, along with Eskild and Linn, they were technically outsiders too, so really, what was the point, everyone was having a good time. They had enough alcohol and weed to go around, too. They could go out tomorrow. 

Even was surprised to see that Isak was making out with Emma across the room, his eyes open and looking in his direction as he did. Even was holding onto to Sonja, letting her grind on him, kissing her and focusing on Isak. He wondered if Isak’s direct gaze like that was a cry for help. Hadn’t they just talked about the fact that he didn’t like Emma? So why was he making out with her? Why wasn’t he breaking himself away from the situation? Maybe he should interrupt again and pull him away. 

What did Sonja just do with her tongue? How could he be focusing on Isak when she was doing _that?_

He had to break the gaze, so he did, his eyes darting around the room. Vilde grinding on Magnus, Eva and Jonas dancing pretty close, but neither of them getting close enough to grind, Noora, Mahdi, and Chris in an awkward dance circle, probably hoping for the pregame to end sometime soon so they could get some action of their own. Sana and Linn in a quiet conversation off to the side of the room.

Finally, he directed himself back to Sonja. All of her attention was on him, her hands running up the back of his shirt, one of her legs wrapped around one of his as her hips pressed against his. It was hot, she really knew how to move in ways that he’d only seen women move in movies. And, for some strange reason, she was into him. Of course he had to take up this chance. 

He kissed her back passionately, moving her up against a wall and just letting himself get lost in her lips. There was definitely a sort of chemistry, sparks radiating through their chests as they pressed up against one another, trading heat in their nether regions. They should probably spend a little more time talking, though. She knew nothing about him, besides him being passionate about movies. She knew he got held back his second year, but she had no idea why, had no idea he was bipolar. He was pretty sure she didn’t even know he had a little sister. 

It was weird for him, because with her, sex came first. Every other relationship he had, talking and getting to know each other was first and foremost. Hell, he and Mikael didn’t even really fuck until three weeks into their official relationship, and they had been talking to one another for two weeks before that. He just figured that the talking would come second. Maybe they could take a weekend together and just really bond, spend the days talking, hiking, shopping, anything, and spend the nights fucking like they had been. 

That would really help him figure out where this was going.

 

Around 23:00, Even disappeared behind a door with Sonja. Isak didn’t know if it was someone’s bedroom, a hall closet, or what, but he knew that they were gone and doing things that made his stomach turn. Mahdi, Noora, Chris, and Eskild were sitting off to the side, planning on heading out to the party that had all originally planned to go to. Linn had disappeared to her room. Vilde and Magnus were making out on the couch, apparently something had worked out. And, lastly Jonas and Eva. They were sitting on the floor, sitting perpendicular with each other, Eva’s legs stretched across his as they talked, sipped their drinks and laughed. 

Isak was really drunk. Drunk enough not to care about Jonas and Eva, drunk enough to let Emma continuously suck on his neck while she grinded into him. Drunk enough not to think about his feelings at all. He just wanted to go home and sleep, honestly, but he couldn’t leave Emma at this point. 

She was as drunk as he was, if not more. He was pretty sure of that. 

“Emma, Emma,” he slurred, pushing her away. The room was still pulsing with the music and his limbs moved clumsily, as if they weren’t in his control. “Can I… Let me walk you home?” If he got her home, he could take the bus and all would be good. He was drunk, but he figured he could do it. 

“It’s earlllyyy, Isaaak!” She exclaimed, loudly, her arms wrapping back around his neck and she hung there, as if her legs were barely holding her up. “I am not going home. Fuuuck that. Let’s go with the others to the party!”

“I’m going to go home,” Isak shook his head and pushed her away again, figuring he could find Eskild, see if he could watch after her at the party so nothing would happen. Or, at least it wouldn’t be on his hands. He wasn’t going to fight with her about it. 

“Isaaaak,” She whined and grabbed onto his wrist, pulling him back with more forces than he expected. His flimsy limbs that didn’t seem to belong to him flew about and he crashed back into her, almost knocking the two of them over. “Can I go with you, then?” 

Isak paused and looked at her. There were practically two of her at this point, and he had to tell himself to focus. She was so drunk, he was so drunk, and going back to his place? He didn’t know if it was a good idea. He knew that nothing would happen on his part, he was drunk enough to pass out as soon as he hit the sheets, but she would expect something. Accepting her offer would be leading her on. 

“I’m just going to go to bed,” He shrugged and looked away, he was too drunk for this. He didn’t need her desperation. The Bech Næsheim’s house wasn’t that far away from here, he could be in bed in fifteen minutes, and really, that was what he wanted. 

“That’s fiiiine,” Emma nodded and kissed his cheek a couple of times, “I just can’t go home. Not like this, please Isak, please.” 

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Okay, fine, she knew what his plans were: sleep, just sleep. That wasn’t leading anyone on. He’d get them both some water from the fridge and they’d walk back to his place. Hopefully Even’s parents wouldn’t be awake, or would at least be in the kitchen so he could slip past them without getting in trouble for not only being this drunk, but walking home this drunk and bringing home a girl without asking first, who was also younger and drunk as fuck too. 

“Yeah, yeah, fine,” he took her hand and pulled her into the kitchen, digging through the fridge and finding two bottles of water. Noora didn’t like that Eskild stocked up on bottled water for parties, but he always said it was better to send everyone out with a bottle of water instead of one of their cups, or with questionable solo cups. Isak handed her a bottle and told her to drink a little, and he did the same. 

She was even sloppy at drinking the water. God he hoped they’d make it back to his place in one piece. 

He probably should’ve taken up Eskild’s offer to help them back, but he didn’t. He promised to text him when they were home in one piece, though. Isak just focused on each step as he and Emma clung on to each other on their way back. She was talking, well, slurring, a bunch of bullshit about how cool she thought Eskild was. Going on about how he was gay and that gays were so great, so funny, how much she loved them. Isak barely heard a word of it, thinking about what Even might say if he heard her say this shit. Generalizing a group of people like that. 

Isak blamed it on the alcohol. Maybe because he was drunk, too. Maybe because he just had stopped caring about her and what she had to say. Wait, had he ever really cared about her? Enough to worry about what happened to her while she was this drunk, but then again, that had been kind of selfish. He didn’t want to be the reason something bad happened to her. 

“I seriously need you to be quiet, okay?” Isak warned her as they got to his place. He wasn’t going to open the door until she shut the hell up. “I don’t know if anyone is asleep and you’re not technically supposed to be here, so please, just, follow me and,” _shut the fuck up,_ “don’t say a word.” 

She pretended to lock her lips and throw away the key. Isak wished he actually could lock her mouth shut, at least for the rest of the night. But he gently unlocked the door, breathing in a sigh of relief when everything was dark. Even if they weren’t asleep, everyone was at least in their rooms, he could get away with this as long as Emma stayed fucking quiet. He grabbed her hand, not bothering to take off his shoes, that way Emma wouldn’t either and there wouldn’t be a suspicious pair of shoes there in the morning, and led her to the room. He was glad when his eyes adjusted to the dark, less chance of bumping into anything or making noise. 

He hadn’t realized that he was holding his breath until they were in his room and he was sighing in relief. He turned on the light and let go of her hand. For a brief moment he even wondered if he should be ashamed that the place was a mess, but, to be honest, he really wasn’t. Maybe if she thought he was a slob, she’d like him less. 

“So, here we are,” he said and then walked to his closet. Usually he’d sleep in his boxers, or in the nude, but he wasn’t going to give her that kind of lead. He was pretty sure he had some flannel pajama bottoms somewhere. But, when he turned back from the closet, Emma was standing there, glossy eyed and almost completely naked. She had discarded everything, shirt, bra, pants, shoes, socks, and was just left in a lacy thong. 

“Can I borrow a shirt?” She asked shamelessly. He did not want to give her a shirt, that was such a boyfriend thing. But he wasn’t sure if he could stomach seeing her boobs any longer. It’s not like they were repulsive or anything, but he knew what the sight elicited for other guys his age. It made his stomach twist that he was supposed to be getting hard, but was not. He hoped she hadn’t suspected it. 

“Yeah,” He quickly grabbed a tee and tossed it at her, then stripped down to his own t-shirt and boxers, thoughts of pajama pants gone and just wanting to crawl into bed. So, that’s what he did, “can you turn off the light?”

“Yeah,” she said, flipping the switch and then getting into bed beside him. She pressed herself right up against him, kissing his chest a couple times and running her hand down his side. 

“Stop,” he said gently, picking up her hand and pressing it back to her side. He closed his eyes and turned over so his back was to her. A universal sign for not interested in anything but sleep. “G’night.” 

She didn’t say anything, laying still for a few moments before wrapping her arm around him. She gently slid it down his chest, dipping her fingertips into his boxers and grazing the top of his dick. He couldn’t help but shiver a little at it, no one else had touched him like this in awhile, and he was pretty drunk. But, still, he kept himself as in control as he could, taking her hand away and pressing it back to her side behind him. 

She sighed and laid still for awhile again, then moved away. Isak started to feel at ease, relaxing and letting himself slowly start to drift off. Until he heard a drawer close and suddenly someone jumping on the bed beside him. 

“Look what I found,” Emma perked up, reaching for the bedside lamp and turning it on. Isak turned over slowly, kind of afraid that she’d been snooping and found something that he’d kept for himself. He had a lot of secrets in his drawers, some not even Even knew about. His body was filling up with dread. 

“What,” he said lowly, sleepy, drunk, just wanting to sleep. When he opened his eyes and saw that she was shaking a condom in her hand, he groaned, out loud. He only had those condoms because Even’s parents were very strict about safe sex. They had bought a pack for both the boys and asked them to let them know when they needed more. As if they couldn’t buy them on their own. As if they could keep track of their sex lives.

Isak knew Even didn’t use them. With Mikael, they had gotten tested to make sure they were clean, and he was pretty sure he’d done the same with Sonja, but he never really asked. He just prayed that he wouldn’t get her pregnant. Maybe that was why he was so big on monogamy, because it meant condomless sex. 

“No,” he said, turning it back over, “god don’t you know what that means?”

“Isak, we’ve literally been making out all day and night,” Emma sighed and crawled over him, sitting on the very little space on the other side of the bed so Isak was facing her. He kind of wanted to push her off. “I know you want to.”

“I just want to sleep, Emma,” he said quietly and then scooted over to the other side of the bed, rolling over on his back and closing his eyes. “I told you that. Can’t we just sleep?”

“Fine,” she sighed, defeated, then got back under the covers with him, laying on her back on the other pillow and looking up at the ceiling. “Some other time, then.” 

Isak didn’t have it in him to answer, he just felt the nerves. He just wanted to sleep and get her out of there in the morning with a “it’s not you, it’s me” speech and then never talk to her again. That was the plan. Thinking of having her gone was a bit of a weight off his shoulders, helping him start to drift off again. 

He woke up about forty-five minutes later with a moan and Even’s name almost coming out of his mouth. He was being touched, and in his dreams, it had been a shifting image of Even and Jonas, but in the darkness of his room, he had a stinging reality of who it was. He sat up quickly and pushed Emma away. 

“Hva faen?!” Isak basically yelled into the darkness, hopping up out of bed and painfully aware that he was both hard and naked from the waist down. “What, were you going to fucking _rape_ me?!”

“W-what? No!” She said, sitting up, her face mortified. Like she was the one being fucking violated. “I just figured that if I could get you...going, then you would say yes!” 

“God, you’re so fucking desperate!” Isak yelled at her, grabbing the blankets and holding them up over his lower half. “I’m gonna fucking sleep in the other room and I want you fucking out of here before I wake up tomorrow. Got it?!” 

“Jesus, Isak, you don’t have to get so pissy!” She said, tearing up, like she was the one with a fucking reason to cry. “I wasn’t going to do anything if you said no. I was just trying—”

“I know what you were fucking trying to do and I never want to see you again,” Isak was fuming and felt completely violated. He didn’t care if all she did was touch him, he was asleep, it was too far. It was without his consent, it was rape and it was not fucking okay. He went into Even’s room and lied down in his bed, under the covers, crying himself to sleep and knowing that he’d regret the choice to bring Emma home for the rest of his life. 

Maybe in another universe, he did it right.

 

**~Saturday Morning~**

When Even had come home around 3 in the morning the night before, he was surprised to find Isak in his bed. He was even more surprised when he lifted the blankets to get in beside him and found that he was naked from the waist down. There would be a story about this, he knew that, so he tucked him in and laid on top of the comforter, pulling a quilt up over him and wrapping his arms around Isak before passing out almost immediately. 

He woke up to Isak stirring beneath him around ten the next morning. The boy in his arms slowly moved to face him. He could feel Isak’s breath on his face, so he slowly opened his eyes and looked at him. He was met by sad greens and suddenly, Even was nervous. 

“Good morning,” he said carefully, lifting a hand and gently carding his fingers through the messy, slept on curls. 

“Morning,” Isak returned quietly and then tucked himself into Even’s chest. “Why...why do you have a different blanket…? Was I hogging this one?”

“No,” Even shook his head, surprised Isak would fall asleep naked and not remember. Had he been that drunk or was he distracted? “Actually, you’re kind of not wearing anything on your lower half. And, even though I am, I didn’t want to freak you out or anything. Or invade your space like that or whatever.”

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry,” Isak shook his head. “I was just, in a rush, I completely forgot.”

“In a rush?” Even raised a brow, though Isak couldn’t see. There was something so careful about his wording, something in his voice that set off so many red flags that Even wanted to shake him and tell him to tell Even everything. But, a voice in his head said to keep it slow, gentle, careful. “Why are you in my bed, anyway?”

“Uh, Emma was in mine,” Isak sighed and pulled away, looking at him with those same sad eyes, “C-can you go in there, and if she’s still in there can you make her leave? Please?”

“Of course,” Even said immediately. Something in Isak’s voice was really unsettling. He had invited Emma over. Maybe they had sex and he regretted it, maybe something else happened he regretted. He just knew that Isak wasn’t feeling his best. Not in the slightest, and he already felt terrible. Luckily, when he walked into Isak’s room, it was empty. A mess, but empty. 

He looked around for clues, but it was hard to really find anything in the mess. Some of Isak’s clothes were strewn about, but that could’ve been there for any other day that week. Even then remembered the condoms Isak kept in his underwear drawer. He had seen him put them in there after their humiliating talk with his parents about safe sex. If he and Emma slept together, one would be missing. 

And it was. He also couldn’t help but notice the bottle of lube that was sitting next to them in the drawer, but this was about what happened last night. Maybe he’d bring it up at a later date. A missing condom. Sex with Emma, a girl. Someone who Isak didn’t like in the slightest. Even should have pulled him away from her when he could have. He should have gone home with Isak and stopped him from making the mistake he obviously regretted. 

He grabbed a pair of his boxers and went back into his room, tossing them at Isak, “It’s all clear, Is.” 

“Good,” Isak sighed and put the boxers on underneath the blankets. 

“So, you invited her back here, huh?” Even bit his lip, hoping that Isak would tell him. He always told Isak everything, Isak needed to do the same. Especially because this was bugging him. 

“Yeah, it was a mistake,” Isak sighed and moved to the side of the bed, his legs over the edge of the bed and his hands beside him. He was looking down, but Even could see the sadness even in his profile, and his heart was breaking. “I told her I just wanted to sleep, though.”

“Oh?” Even raised a brow. Maybe the condom was missing for some other reason. He could have it in his wallet, or carry it somewhere on his person just in case. He could have given it to a friend. Or he could’ve used it with Emma, even though he hadn’t planned on it. 

“Yeah, she didn’t listen,” he sighed and rubbed his face, collecting himself for a number of moments. “I shouldn’t have taken her home. I should have fucking known that she’d want more than to just sleep. I just thought—I don’t know what I thought. We’d sleep, I’d let her down gently in the morning, and then I’d be done with that.” 

“Okay, so then, what happened?” Even moved to sit beside him, wrapping an arm around his back and let him lean into him. 

“I’m embarrassed,” Isak said quietly, resting his head on Even’s chest and sighing some more. “Can we keep it between us? No matter how mad you get. I just want it to be between me and you.”

“Okay,” Even said, finding himself clenching his jaw. He’d be mad? With who? Isak? Emma? Himself? “It’ll stay between you and me, just tell me.”

“Alright,” Isak stayed quiet for a few moments. Even let him and just hoped it wasn’t to try to edit out spots. He needed to hear everything. “We came home and she got naked and I gave her something to wear. We went to bed, and she tried to have sex with me a couple of times. I said no, kept moving away, whatever. She eventually agreed and I thought we were going to sleep. But,” he groaned and fell to the side, shoving his head in Even’s pillow with a scream into it. 

“But?” Even sort of wanted to smile at the dramatics, but there was a twisting feeling in his gut. He just rubbed Isak’s back and waited for him to be ready to go on. 

“I woke up to her touching me, okay?” He said into the pillow. It was muffled but Even heard. He froze. Nonconsensual touching? He knew that Emma had been desperate, but he didn’t realize she was desperate enough to be some sort of rapist. He wanted to hit her. He wanted to hit himself for sneaking off with Sonja last night instead of being there for Isak. He should have fucking been there for Isak. He could have stopped this from happening. But now Isak felt mortified and violated and there was nothing he could do to turn back time. 

“I’ll fucking kill her,” was all he could manage to say, his voice coming out low and rumbly. He was mad. He was so mad that he was shaking. 

“Stop it,” Isak said quietly, sitting up and then wrapping his arms around him. “That was all, she said she wanted to like, get me going so that I wouldn’t say no, and I know that doesn’t justify shit, but at least that was all. A-and, I know it’s stupid, because like, guys live for that shit, don’t they? Waking up to a girl who wants to fuck. Who doesn’t want that?”

“But you had spent the night saying no,” Even shook his head, “even if that was, on some level okay for other people in other relationships, you guys were not on that level. It was not fucking okay. She’s an absolutely terrible person. We should fucking ruin her.” 

Isak looked scared and Even remembered his outburst from the day before. He had been having a masculinity complex. He hadn’t felt man enough. So many double standards in this world and this one was eating Isak up. It probably wasn’t helping him come out of the closet, it wasn’t helping him be who he was. And, now he was a victim who was embarrassed about it. Because _boys don’t get raped by girls, it’s what they want_. 

When would this guy get a break? When would the world be good enough for Isak Valtersen?

 

**~Saturday Night~**

Isak spent all day in Even’s bed. On top of feeling like he was on an emotional roller coaster, he had an awful hangover. He couldn’t remember how much he drank the night before, but he barely remembered the walk home, barely remembered how he had gotten to the point where he agreed to take Emma home with him, barely remembered the quick fight with Eskild whether or not he was okay enough to walk home. 

He had never texted Eskild and woke up with about a million texts and missed calls from him. So, while Even made him breakfast, he called him and apologized, telling him he just went right to sleep and had forgotten all about him. Eskild was a little hurt, but Isak promised to take him out for tea or coffee sometime soon as an apology date. 

Even spent all day bringing him food and water, and even sitting behind him and rubbing his back when he threw up in the afternoon. Whether the throwing up was the nerves or the hangover, Isak didn’t know, but it had burned and hurt enough to momentarily make him forget about everything else that was hurting him. And, Even consoling him while he was sick was pretty nice too. 

“So, I texted the boys,” Even said, clapping as he came back in the rooming that even. “They’re coming over tonight for guys night. And, before you give me that look, I didn’t tell them anything. Well, nothing you don’t want them to know. I said you and Emma are over, and that you need a pick me up. That okay?” 

“Yeah,” Isak sighed and sat up, “that’s fine. What about your parents?” 

“That’s the best part,” Even smiled and pulled him up off the bed, “They’re taking Ana out for the night, literally won’t be back until tomorrow morning.” 

“How on earth did you manage that?” Isak looked at him incredulously. 

“I told them you were going through some shit, too,” Even shrugged, “don’t panic or anything, alright? I told them you needed a guys night and that everything would be better. And I told them not to bug you about it. So, seriously don’t freak out.”

“How did I literally get so lucky to wind up living with the nicest people on the damn planet?” Isak laughed a little. He kind of felt bad for all the Even’s family had done for him over the years. They’d always been there when he was younger and his parents were fighting, always been there when he had a fallout with his dad, been there when his mom started having issues with her disorder, and now they were literally _evacuating their damn house_ so that Isak could feel a little better after making a shit decision.

He was about to cry, so he looked away and made an excuse about needing a shower before the boys came over, then left the room, grabbing a towel and taking a shower. 

 

“All you guys need to know is that she’s a shit person,” Even was telling the boys. Luckily enough for him, Isak was still in the shower when the three of them arrived together. “I swear to God, if a single one of you asks a question or brings her up in anyway, you will be kicked out so fucking fast, and you will not be wanting to see me around school. Clear?” 

“Sounds good, man,” Jonas shrugged and pulled a baggy out of his pocket. “Videogames, booze and weed sounds like a damn good night to me. Let’s get it on.” 

Even was thankful for Jonas in that moment. Isak was right, he was a chill guy, but he had been worried about inviting him because he wasn’t sure Isak’s feelings for him. With the idea of Isak liking him, he didn’t know if Isak would feel comfortable having him in the house. But, he might as well give it a try. If Isak did like him, maybe it’d get his mind off of Emma. 

They all headed into the living room to set up the video games and get everything set up for guys night. They were about to start a game without him when Isak walked out in his towel. 

“Hey good lookin’,” Jonas whistled and and winked at him, causing the rest of the boys to turn their heads to the naked boy with dripping locks, wrapped in a towel. They all whistled too, besides Even, who just laughed and smiled at him. It was a sight he’d seen about a million times, but it really was breathtaking. Isak was always breathtaking. 

“Oh, shit,” Isak laughed at them, gripping the towel tighter at his waist. Even could tell he was trying not to get embarrassed but his cheeks went red anyway. He didn’t think Isak would’ve been embarrassed had it just been Mahdi and Magnus, so it was pretty safe to assume he had a crush on Jonas. “I’ll be out in like five to crush you guys in FIFA, sound good?”

“Hell yeah,” Mahdi clapped and picked up a joint, holding it up and wiggling it in his fingers. “And we’re about to get our party on.”

Isak let out a little laugh and continued his route to his room. Even just shook his head and sat off to the side. He was a little jealous, of Jonas, of Isak’s reaction to Jonas. But he had to remember that he had Sonja, he couldn’t be jealous of his best friend liking someone else. 

 

Isak was feeling admittedly better. He had some weed prodding through his system, thc floating through his veins, dopamine flowing like mad through his brain. He probably shouldn’t have, but he even let Even have a couple hits. It wasn’t like every single time Even had weed, he’d suddenly have a manic episode. It was just the way that it messed with the dopamine receptors. They didn’t always recover in the right way. 

So, yes, it was a risk. But, it’d be more of a risk if it was more weed, more frequently. And, he wanted Even to have fun, too.

With the addition of Jonas in the group, there was no longer an equal four, so they had to switch out roles a little differently than usual. But, it worked out okay, playing in twos and the winner playing whoever was next. At one point, Magnus and Mahdi were playing, Even slipped in his room to make a quick call to Sonja, and Isak and Jonas were in the kitchen to grab another round of beers. 

Isak was leaning against the counter, and Jonas was digging through the fridge. Isak was checking him out, noting the curve of his spine and ass as he bent over. He probably shouldn’t have been, but he couldn’t stop himself. Jonas had called him good looking earlier, he had literally only see him in a towel. It had to be alright to check him out while he was fully clothed. 

“So, you’re alright, yeah?” Jonas said as he turned around, handing a couple beers for Isak to carry then grabbing a couple more. “I mean, I know you two weren’t like, a thing for long, but you seemed to be hitting it off and it got messy?”

“Oh, uh, yeah,” Isak bit his lip and looked away. He had managed not to think about Emma since the first joint, but now it was coming up. “Yeah, kind of sucked. Don’t really want to get into it?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” Jonas nodded and leaned next to him on the counter. “I just want you to know, if you need to chill or whatever, I’m here. You’re a cool guy, Isak. I like hanging out with you and shooting the shit. Mags and Mahdi said you skateboard, too. Maybe we could do that sometime?”

“Oh, for sure,” Isak nodded, trying not to seem too eager. Because, well, Jonas was asking him to hang out one-on-one again. He wanted to help him while he was down, he liked hanging out with Isak. It was a little exciting, and he couldn’t help the smile that came to his lips. “I think that’d be fun. But, I have to warn you, I’m like, a clutz, so skateboarding might be a mess.” 

“I’ll try to keep you on your feet,” Jonas winked and smiled at him, then walked back out to the boys. Isak’s heart thudded in his chest as he followed him. Either the kid was just someone who winked a lot, or maybe he really was into Isak. 

God, he had to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so much more to come.   
> Comments/Kudos please <3


	3. Treading Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, and I hope someone somewhere has been enjoying this.  
> this chapter is a little uh, interesting. I just hope you stick with me because there are parallels being worked in for this universe and yeah okay.

**~Sunday Afternoon~**

Isak told Eskild to meet him at Kaffebrenneriet around noon. It was to make up for his mistake on Friday night and to maybe get some things off his chest. As good as Guys Night on Saturday had been for him, Isak still felt a little wonky. And, even though he felt like he could tell Even everything, Eskild just felt like a better option to spill his secrets to, to confide in. Eskild could be annoying, but really, he was a good guy, having been there for Isak even when he didn’t even know him at all.

He got there early, texting and asking Eskild what his order would be and paying for the both of them before he arrived. When Esklild joined him at the table, Isak smiled and slid his tea over to him.

“Look, I’m really sorry that I didn’t text you the other night,” Isak began immediately, pausing to take a sip of his coffee before going on, “It was just… A weird night all in all. How was the party, anyway? Mahdi said he hooked up with some girl…” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Eskild rolled his eyes, “he managed to get lucky, against all of our assumptions. You should tell him to get tested, by the way. I totally don’t trust that skank.” He laughed a little and Isak laughed along, making sure to take a mental note to bust on Mahdi for leaving out that detail when he brought it up during guys night. The laughter died down after a few moments and Eskild met Isak’s eyes, tilting his head and looking at him with a gentle curiosity. The look was a little sad, a little contemplative.

“But, uh, what did you do?” He prodded, voice as gentle as his look, like they were back on that thin ice, ready to break. “You know, besides completely blowing me off and making me worry for the whole night long. I mean, Jesus, Isak, you two could’ve been abducted, shot to death, stabbed and left to bleed out in some gutter! You were so trashed. I’m literally so mad at you.”

“Don’t be mad,” Isak pouted dramatically. He was happy for Eskild’s quick shift in mood and tone. Isak was already ready to open up to Eskild completely, but if everything had continued to be so serious, so close to breaking, he wasn’t sure he was actually going to make it through any sort of explanation or confession. 

“Well, I suppose you’re alive,” He pursed his lips at Isak and took a sip of his tea while he pretended to contemplate his forgiveness. “And you did buy me tea and you even let me call this a date without getting all weird about it. So, you’re forgiven.” 

“Yeah, well,” Isak laughed a little and shook his head, “Don’t get any ideas. You’re a great guy and all, but—”

“Gross, Isak,” Eskild made a face, “You’re like a baby! I could be your dad.”

“Uh, no,” Isak cringed at the word, “you’re definitely not that old. But, we’re not here to discuss the confines of our relationship.”

“Mmm,” Eskild nodded and hummed in agreement, sitting back in his seat and watching Isak with the careful eyes again. “So then, why are we here? So you can apologize for making me worry all night long? Check. What else is on the agenda in that mind of yours?”

“Well, to be completely honest,” Isak started, knowing he was about to send Eskild’s ego through the roof. “I kind of trust you for whatever reason and I just... I’m supposed to talk to people about shit. I have insomnia, and like, they tell me to talk to counselors but fuck counselors, so I talk to Even. But, there’s only so much I can unload on him. Or, well, I guess he wouldn’t mind but, I do and I shouldn’t but I do.”

“Isak, you’re rambling,” Eskild raised his brows, leaning forward again in his seat, “literally just out with it, okay? I’ll try to help as best I can.” 

“Right,” Isak said, sipping his coffee then biting on his lip thoughtfully. Where was he supposed to start? His mind was a swirling mess of sexuality concerns, masculinity complexities, daddy issues, liking a guy he had no idea had the capacity to like him back, and loving his best friend who had a girlfriend. 

Eskild seemed to be able to tell that he needed to get himself straightened out because he nodded and reached across the table, taking his hand and saying “take your time, Isak. I’m not going anywhere.” And so Isak did, pulling himself together and taking a few more sips of his coffee while a comfortable silence slipped between them. It took him a few more minutes before he could say anything.

“Something happened between me and Emma that was unsettling, to say the least,” he began quietly, “and I feel like, maybe I shouldn’t be as upset about it as I am. But, it kind of makes me feel like less of a...guy? Which, I’ve actually been having a lot of issues with, lately. Like, what kind of man has this many emotions? What kind of man—”

“Hold on, Isak,” Eskild stopped him, putting his hand up and then tapping his chin thoughtfully, “you do realize that every single person in the human race has emotions, right? I mean, maybe besides the Trump Administration. But, like, regardless of gender, we all feel. We all have the right to feel. There shouldn’t be anything you do to make you feel like less of a guy, honestly. You could literally wear lipstick and a dress and feel like a guy, because that’s what and who you are. Do you maybe want to tell me what happened, though? What made you feel like that?”

“Well, she wanted to have sex, and I said no like multiple times then went to sleep,” Isak sighed and scratched the back on his head, looking away and feeling awkward. He trusted Eskild and all, but it was still going to be a difficult story to tell, would probably always be. “And, well, long story short, I woke up and she was fucking touching me. I mean, like, took my boxers off and everything. It was..fucking mortifying.”

“Shit,” If Eskild’s eyebrows could go further up his forehead, they would become one with his hair. He was shocked and hurt for Isak, suddenly understanding the idea of this making him feel the way it had been. The world was fucked with double standards. He knew that first hand. “That’s so wrong, Isak.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Isak groaned a little and put his head in his hand, “and, I know if I weren’t myself, maybe I would have just said yes to begin with? Or maybe I would’ve been ecstatic about it. I don’t know. But, I—I’m not into girls, and I was literally leading her on all day because I knew that. So, I mean, it’s got to be partly my fault. I shouldn’t be so off put, right?”

“I won’t lie, that was pretty shitty of you,” Eskild shrugged a little then reached across the table, taking Isak’s hand again to get his attention, “but literally no means no. It was a huge violation on her part because you didn’t want it and you _expressed_ that. Never said yes. And, just because you’re what? Gay? And that maybe another guy would’ve enjoyed it doesn’t mean jack shit, Isak. Doesn’t make you less of a man, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t feel fucking violated, because you were. Do you want to press charges or something?”

“Oh, God no,” Isak widened his eyes and shook his head, taking his hand back and running it through his hair. “I don’t really think that I’d stand a chance, and I don’t think it’d make me feel better, anyway. I mean, I think just talking about it with Even and now you, and just the validation you’re giving me is kind of helpful?” 

“Oh, sure,” Eskild nodded, sitting back and watching him with that thin ice look, “don’t expect the feelings to just disappear, though. It takes a while to work your way past this kind of stuff. I think talking about it is really good, and I’m so glad you came to me. You can always come to me, okay Isak?” 

“Okay,” Isak said quietly before finishing up his coffee and sitting back. Eskild was right, he didn’t think he was going to be able to think about that night without feeling a little off, a little violated and hurt, but he now had multiple confirmations that it was okay to feel as bad as he did. Instead of thinking that it could have been worse, he had to think that it was okay to feel the way he did and to let himself feel it. 

“So, I know you probably don’t want me to make a big deal about it, but I’m just wondering if that was you, you know, coming out to me?” Eskild asked, not looking like he cared either way whether or not Isak confirmed anything. But, Isak knew he did. 

“Well, yeah,” Isak nodded a little, “I haven’t told anyone else though…”

“Your secret is safe with me,” Eskild nodded, clapping his hands together proudly and giving him a smile. 

“So, uh, how do you know if a guy is gay? Or at least, into guys?”

 

**~Monday Lunch~**

There was quite a bit of shit going around Nissen on Monday. Some of it was some of the usual bullshit about who was officially together after the weekend, who broke up with who and blah blah bullshit that Even never really listened to. But, when he heard Isak’s name from a few gossipping girls in one of his classes, he knew he had to butt in. 

He just hoped the bullshit he spread about Emma would spread faster than the shit she had said about Isak. 

“Oh man, did you guys hear about what people are saying about why Emma and Isak split?” Magnus asked as he came up to the table at lunch. He was shaking his head and laughing, but Even froze when he felt Isak freeze next to him. Unless Isak had talked to Vilde or Eva about it, he wouldn’t have heard anything. He was more kept to himself than most of the group, more focused on his studies and getting from class to class in a timely manner instead of pausing to talk to people in the hallways, so there was a good chance he was still in the dark. 

“What’d you hear?” Even asked, raising an eyebrow with curiosity, trying not to give anything away. 

“I heard that Emma has a dick,” Mahdi said first, laughing a little, “and that when Isak figured it out, he sent her packing.” 

“Whaaat?” Magnus laughed and shook his head, “Oh man, I did not hear that! No! Some fucking first years were saying that she was so desperate that she was telling Isak she’d pay him to sleep with her and that he told her to fuck off because that's prostitution." 

Even was smiling triumphantly. Maybe his rumors were going to overpower the one Emma started. When he interrupted the girls in his class, they had said Isak wouldn’t sleep with her because he was gay. Which, okay, could have been true and wouldn’t be the worst thing to go around, but that would be Isak’s information to spread. Not that bitch’s. He wouldn’t let her ruin this for him, or make him feel bad about it, not if he could help it anyway. 

So, he hoped she enjoyed everyone thinking she was a prostitute with a dick. 

“Guess she’s a prostitute with a dick, then,” Isak said with a smile, as if reading Even’s mind. The two of them thought alike quite a bit. It was just another perk of knowing someone your whole life. It was like there was a wavelength that the two of them worked on that not even they understood. Sometimes, it even felt like they were reading each other’s minds. 

Even was just glad he was smiling. He wasn’t actually sure what Isak was going to think about his rumors, even if they were what she deserved—on the lowest level of what she deserved. He was just so happy he had done something right and that Isak was smiling about it. 

“Well, technically you'd be the prostitute Isak, but hey, I believe it,” Jonas shrugged and leaned back, looking at Even like he knew he was the one who started the rumors. “I’ll make sure to confirm it if someone says something. But, uh, Isak, did you want to go to the skatepark after school?”

“What about us, are we invited?” Magnus butted in, looking hurt that Isak was the only one addressed. 

“Sorry boys,” Jonas smiled and shook his head, “I’m getting sick of you. Besides, I promised Isak this one-on-one time. Breakups are hard and you two are getting some.”

“Only that one night!” Mahdi said at the same time Magnus said “Vilde and I didn’t even fuck!” 

Everyone laughed, including Even, who had to force it a little. Jonas had promised Isak some one-on-one time? Could going to the skatepark constitute a date? Could something actually be going on between the two of them? The idea made his heart feel like it was being squeezed, like he might actually lose Isak to this guy. Isak deserved to be happy, he did, and Even wasn’t supposed to be jealous. He was supposed to be happy for him. But, he couldn't help but feel hurt. 

“Not today, actually,” Isak said, nonchalantly, which was interesting. Even thought for sure he’d jump at the idea. “I’ve gotta study today and tonight, but uh, does tomorrow sound good?” 

“Sounds great.” 

 

**~Monday Night~**

To be fair, Isak really did have a test on Tuesday. And, he was serious about studying. But, he had other motives for turning down Jonas’s Monday invitation. First of all, he didn’t want to seem desperate and jump at the first chance to be alone with him again. Secondly, he had to prepare. 

So, while he was studying, he took breaks. Breaks to stalk Jonas’s profiles online, make sure he could bring up some of his interests, make sure Jonas knew they had things in common. And, he wanted to see if there was any sign of Jonas being into guys. Eskild wasn’t super helpful with giving him information on whether or not to tell if a guy was gay, but he said it was easier to figure out if he was into you specifically. Isak was going to have to just push himself into it. Try to give Jonas signals, try to get close to him or touch him and see how he responded. If Jonas didn’t pull away from him, seemed comfortable with him, interested in what he had to say, well, there was a big possibility that he liked Isak. If Isak got the signal, he was prepared to tell Jonas he liked him. If he found himself feeling brave, well, he might just kiss him. 

 

**~Tuesday Afternoon~**

After school, everyone in the met up at the usual table outside Nissen, boys on one bench, girls on the other while random gossip flowed through a few conversations going on at once. 

“So, is it true that Emma wanted to pay you for sex?” Vilde asked, her face twisting up in a grimace. “I knew a first year _that_ confident in hooking up with second years was so suspicious. Like, wanting you to be some sort of prostitute? What is her problem?”

“You know what, I’m going to set up a rule, here,” Even said loudly, pressing his hands to the table and making sure that everyone was paying attention. He gripped onto the table tighter as he talked, knuckles going white. “We’re no longer going to talk about Emma in our little get togethers. She’s officially in our past. She’s not invited to pre-games, parties, nothing. I will literally kick your ass if—”

“Even!” Isak yelled, stunned that Even was beginning to fume beside him, he was pretty sure his hands were shaking. Isak agreed, he didn’t want to talk to, think about, or talk about Emma. But he didn’t need to be threatening every one of their friends. They were curious, it wasn’t their fault. “You will not be beating up a single one of our friends!” 

“I’m just saying, she’s a piece of shit and I don’t want to—”

“Yeah, Ev, me neither. But you need to calm down, okay?” Isak raised his eyebrows and turned to him, taking his chin in his hands to tilt his head down at him and make sure to show him he was serious. Looking right at him, he talked a little quieter. “Our friends aren’t trying to hurt me.”

Isak was a little worried about the outburst. Even could get mad, especially when it came to Isak, but he was pretty sure that he never threatened their friends before. He made a little note to keep an eye on him and see if he was showing any symptoms of a manic episode. Not that being mad like that was a normal symptom for him, but just the abnormalness in general had red flags going up in Isak’s mind. 

“Okay,” Even agreed quietly, “But I, uh, I think I’m going to head home. I think I’ve just got a lot on my mind.” 

“Do you want me to go with you?” Isak asked, standing up with him and grabbing his arm. Everyone else at the table was silent, probably not trying to watch, but not being able to take their eyes of the sight. Isak didn’t really want Even out of arm’s reach while he was worrying about him like this. 

“I’m fine, Isak,” Even shrugged and looked at him in the eyes, trying to be reassuring, “I swear. Besides, you’ve got plans with Jonas.” 

“Alright, fine,” Isak sighed and bit his lip, choosing to try to trust him. “Text me if you get there, or if you need anything before I come home.” 

“Yeah, will do,” Even gave him a quick smile, waved at their friends, and then walked away.

“Is he okay?” Sana asked as Isak sat back down. All of their friends—besides maybe Jonas—knew that Even was bipolar. They were all very helpful when it came down to one of his episodes, and they all very much cared for him. 

“He seemed fine at lunch?” Magnus offered, being the only person in the group who knew more about the disorder than Isak because his mom was bipolar, too. And, it was true, Even had been fine at lunch, being his usual self, making usual contact. Plus, it wasn’t like Isak couldn’t get through to him just then. It was possible he was okay. 

“I just think he’s being protective,” Isak sighed and rubbed his face. “Emma is...God, she’s awful. So, if you want to ask me questions, I say you shouldn’t while he’s around.” 

“I think we just shouldn’t at all,” Jonas said with a shrug. “Like Even said, it’s the past. Let’s move on.” 

“Here, here,” Eva agreed, holding up her bottle of water like she wanted a cheers. Everyone else at the table with a drink lifted theirs up next to her’s. 

“Here, here,” the whole table repeated, and Isak couldn’t help but smile. He had some pretty damn good friends. They didn’t even know how awful Emma was, and they all decided to be done with her, too. For Isak’s sake. 

The conversation soon moved on from Emma and Even to where the parties would be this weekend. Isak felt a little better about Even when he got the text confirming he was home, attaching a picture of him sitting in his windowsill, because he knew Isak wouldn’t believe him without proof. After the group had everything seemingly sketched out, they were all on their way. Isak and Jonas both brought their skateboards to school that day, so they skated off together in the direction of the skate park. 

Isak tried to stay in front of him the entire way there. This was mostly because he really didn’t want to catch himself checking out Jonas and falling off his board. He wasn’t going to put himself in the position to make a fool of himself. Today he wanted to be totally cool, he wanted to push Even towards the back of his mind and just give Jonas all of his attention. Try to show him that he was into him. 

He was nervous, he really was, but it was time for him to take a step, make a move. 

“I actually agree with you on that one,” Jonas was telling him. They had skated for an hour or two, and then Isak managed to fuck up, scraping up his arm pretty good and possibly spraining his wrist, so they decided to cool it for the day and get food. They carried their skateboards and passed a joint back and forth through the streets. It elicited a few precarious looks from adults, but Jonas told him not to worry. If he worried, they’d get caught. "Put bad stuff into the air, then bad stuff will come fore you." That was his motto. 

“Oh you do?” Isak was amused. He knew a few things about Jonas from his facebook likes. He was anti government, thought anarchy was a good idea, but when Isak threw the word Illuminati in the air, he didn’t actually think that he would agree with him. He figured he’d have some sort of come back like he had about the infinite universes. 

“Yeah, unless you’re one of those crazies who think that Beyoncé and Jay Z are like, the leaders of it,” He shook his head and passed Isak the joint. It was almost gone, so Isak took a long hit then snubbed it into the brick building they were walking by and stuck the clip in his pocket to avoid litter. 

“Beyoncé and Jay Z?” Isak looked at him incredulously. 

“Yeah!” Jonas said and laughed a little, “I’m serious, there are some people who actually think that. Because, you know, they’re like popular and powerful and she’s all Queen and stuff.” 

“It sounds like you believe it,” Isak laughed, looking out in front of them and seeing all the little food places that were coming into view. They’d have a variety of choices, but Isak was going to let Jonas pick. 

“I do not!” He yelled, looking at Isak incredulously, “I cannot believe you would think of me like that! I’m way cooler than that. Besides, I think that if there is an Illuminati, it would have to be led by someone unknown, with like crazy intelligence. They probably changed their name and then went completely off the radar to control people by afar from some sort of alias.” 

“What, are you in training to join the them?” Isak raised a brow, looking at him with fake curiosity, “I mean, it seems like you know a lot, hmm?”

“Shhh!” Jonas grabbed Isak, clapping his hand over his mouth and pushing him against a wall. “You’re going to fucking blow my cover, man!” 

Isak’s heartbeat sped up, probably double the normal pace, his eyes wide with Jonas so close, hand clamped over his mouth. He couldn’t move. Not because Jonas was holding him so tight, but because he was paralyzed by his touch, by his playful gaze. He couldn’t talk, either. Honestly, he couldn’t really justify what he did next, though. 

It was something he’d done to Even plenty of times when they were play-wrestling as kids and got into a position like this. Something Even had done back to him a lot, too. Gross out your opponent, try to get the upper hand. 

He licked Jonas’s palm. 

“Awh, dude!” Jonas screamed and laughed, quickly pulling his hand away and wiping it on his jeans. “What was that for?”

“I, uh, I have no idea,” Isak said quickly, forcing out a laugh and kicking off the wall to keep walking, that way Jonas couldn’t see his quickly reddening cheeks. He probably shouldn’t have done that. They weren’t on that sort of level, were they? He and Even had eventually gotten to a point where it didn’t even work, licking the other’s palm was not going to get you free from their grip. But, Jonas? He’d known the guy for a little over a week. They never even shared a drink and Isak just licked his damn hand. 

He didn’t even need to do it to get out of the grip. Why had he done it? He felt so ridiculous. 

“Hey, look, kebabs!” Jonas said, pointing to a sign that said they had the best kebabs around. Isak was grateful something else to grab Jonas’s attention before he beat himself up over licking him. 

“You want to get some and eat over there?” Isak pointed to the park across the street, trying to go back to playing it cool. They could get kebabs and go on about the Illuminati, or he could find a way to bring up anarchy and Jonas would go on about it and he could agree to everything he said, because why the hell not? 

“Deal,” Jonas said and opened the door for him when they got to the restaurant. They went inside, ordered and made small talk while they waited for their kebabs to come out. On the way out, Isak held the door open for him, and then crossed the street to the park, leaning their boards on the side of a bench and sitting down. 

“So, how does one get inducted into the Illuminati?” Isak asked, sitting closer to Jonas than usual. Eskild told him to get closer, see if he moved away, maybe make their legs touch and see if he moved into his own bubble, find a way to touch his arm, his wrist, his hand, and pay attention to see if he did these things back to Isak. 

He wasn’t sure if holding his hand over his mouth counted, but he felt like it could have. So, now he was just going to scoot his leg closer and closer to Jonas’s, pretending that getting closer was just him getting more into the conversation. 

“Why, Valtersen?” Jonas raised an eyebrow, “you think you have what it takes to be in the Illuminati? Pfft.”

“I totally do, though!” Isak gasped, gently hitting his arm and scooting his leg over some more. They were pretty close to touching now. “I could literally take the world to the next level! Be secretive as hell and stop all the bullshit going on like that!” He snapped his fingers to prove his point then took a bite of his kebab and closed the distance. 

Their feet and their knees were now touching. Isak could feel the heat of his body through his jeans, could feel a jolt of energy rush through him, but he told himself to continue to play it cool. 

“Sorry, Isak, it just doesn’t work like that,” Jonas shook his head, either not noticing the touch, or being fine with it, his leg staying in the same position. “Basically, the Illuminati can tell how cool you are at birth. That’s when you’re chosen. Sorry, man, you’re just obviously not cool enough.” 

“Whaaat?” Isak looked at him, mouth agape, “You seriously don’t think I’m cool enough? Have you looked in a mirror, I’m like twice as cool as you!”

Jonas laughed and shook his head, eating more of his kebab. “Nahh,” he said nonchalantly. Isak didn’t know if it was in his imagination, but he swore that Jonas moved closer to him. The pressure at their knees was a little bit stronger, wasn’t it? He was pretty sure, but he could’ve just been too excited at the idea. His heart was kind of racing and they sat there for a little bit in a comfortable silence, eating their kebabs. 

“So, uh,” Jonas licked some sauce off his lips after a particularly sloppy bite and looked at Isak, “I realize I’m the one who agreed with Even to put this behind us, but uh… Well, it just kind of seems like there’s a lot more to the Emma situation than any of us know. And, I’m not asking you to tell me anything. But, I just thought I’d remind you that I’m around to talk. I’m pretty sure Even’s behind everything that’s being said about her, so I can’t help but think he’s trying to protect you like he does and that’s chill. But, secrets kind of suck?”

“Yeah, actually, he is,” Isak laughed a little and ran a hand through his hair. Even had filled him in Monday night. He said he started the rumors to teach her a lesson, but honestly Isak felt like their could’ve been more to the story. He didn’t complain though. The rumors were bad, but things like that disappeared in a week, two tops, at Nissen. Her life wasn’t completely destroyed, even though she maybe deserved it. 

“I figured,” Jonas nodded and reached over putting a hand on Isak’s arm and looking into his eyes. “I have no idea what could be so awful, like literally no idea, for him to get that mad, but I got your back too, man.” 

Isak could only nod. This was a sign, wasn’t it? Jonas was touching his arm. They were now touching in more than one place and this time he made the contact on his own. Isak couldn’t help but lean into the touch. They really weren’t that far away at this point. He wasn’t sure if the tension was just in his head, but he really felt it. They stayed like that, really close, just looking in each other’s eyes for what felt like forever. 

So long that when Jonas pulled back and continued eating his kebab, Isak hated himself for not making The Move. 

They continued to eat their kebabs in silence, taking in the slowly sinking sun and just thinking. Isak usually felt uncomfortable in silence, his brain circling over the fact he should say something, anything. But, while they ate, he felt fine, like they didn’t need to talk. When they were both finished, Isak threw away both their wrappers and then joined Jonas back on the bench, sitting closer than before. 

He knew they were probably going to go their separate ways soon, so he was going to have to make a move if he was actually going to. So, he told himself not to think. 

“Jonas,” he said quietly, and the boys eyes were suddenly on him, waiting for him to speak. But, he wasn’t going to. He was frozen again. By the eyes.

“Isak?” Jonas leaned closer, his eyebrows knitting together in worry. Probably wondering why the hell Isak was just sitting there like a mute, getting his attention and then doing absolutely nothing and saying absolutely nothing. 

“Sorry, I,” Isak shook his head and then looked back into Jonas’s eyes. There was something there, he could feel it. It gave him the rush of courage to close the distance and press his lips against his.

He almost pulled away, because it seemed like Jonas had been the one frozen then. But, then suddenly, he was kissing him back, slow and steady while their lips overlapped with care. It was nice, Isak felt a his body lifting up, getting lighter with his confidence. Maybe it didn’t have the passionate fireworks there had been with Even, but instead it was a radiating warmth filling him up. Isak could only imagine that it'd get better if he fell in love with Jonas, eventually it may feel the way it did with Even. So, he just let the warmth consume him, but before he could get full with the feeling, Jonas was pulling away. 

“Isak,” he said gently, and the tone scared Isak, so he prepared himself for a let down and sat there confidently. “I like to think of myself as a pretty fluid guy and that was nice, but I don’t really know if I’m, uh, the kind of guy you want. You see, I also like Eva, and I want to see where things go with her. Like, it’d be cool to see where things go with you, too, but I don’t know if...if I could commit myself to you? I mean, if you don’t mind that…”

“I don’t mind that,” Isak blurted out quickly. Truthfully, he did mind it, all he really wanted was a steady relationship, he’d seen the way Mikael and Even lifted each other up when they were together and that was what he wanted, so, so bad. But, there was a chance with Jonas, wasn’t there? He wanted to see where things went with Eva, but he also wanted to see if they went somewhere with Isak. It made sense, keeping your options open, didn’t it? Instead of falling into something that was going to hurt you and the other person? Hell, Jonas was even being up front about it, that had to say something about who he was. 

“Really?” Jonas raised an eyebrow and smiled a little, “I wouldn’t want to lead you on, or anything. Like I’ve said, you’re a really cool guy. But Eva and I have been hitting it off pretty good, too. I don’t think I could just give that up, and then like, I just don't know. You know?"

“Sure,” Isak said, shrugging his shoulders and putting himself back in his cool mode. “We could, uh, even keep it a secret for a little while? I mean, I’m not, you know, out with everyone yet and I at least want to tell Even before he hears it from someone else."

“Yeah, okay, sure,” Jonas nodded and then ran a hand through Isak’s hair, resting it on the back of his neck and looking at him, “You’re sure you’re okay with this?”

“As long as Eva knows you two aren’t exclusive,” Isak said carefully, he didn’t want to steal Jonas from her, but there was a possibility at this point, “I wouldn’t want to do that to her. You don’t have to tell her I’m the other person, though.”

“She knows we're not exclusive,” Jonas said quietly and then leaned in and kissed him again. 

 

**~Tuesday Night~**

Even was laying on his bed, drawing a new comic strip when he hear Isak go into his room. He’d been out past dinner time, hanging out with Jonas. Even couldn’t really keep his mind off of them, so he decided to try to draw and focus on a fictional world. He had a secret batch of comic strips that were just about him and Isak, ones that no one besides himself had ever seen. It was what he was working on when he heard something crash in Isak’s room and heard him groan. 

He stuffed the notebook underneath his pillow and got up, walking over to the door between their rooms and knocking gently. 

“Isak?”

“Yeah, come in,” Isak said, monotone. Maybe hanging out with Jonas hadn’t gone so well. Even tried not to be giddy at the thought as he slowly walked into Isak’s room, raising his eyebrow at the boy laying on the bed and staring up at the ceiling with a mute expression.

“Everything okay?” Even asked carefully, getting on the bed and laying next to him. He looked at his profile for a second, his eyes following the shape of his jaw, over his chin, lips, then nose. He stopped on the eye he could see for a moment then looked at the ceiling with him. 

“Yeah, well, no but yeah,” Isak sighed a little and put his hands up on his face. “I think I made a mistake.” 

“What kind of mistake?” Even asked, looking at him from the corner of his eyes then looking back at the ceiling. He had noticed that lately Isak had been off put by his speculative glances. He wanted to be able to read his face, so bad, but he wanted him comfortable even more, so he would just do what he could to make sure that was the case, for now. 

“I, uh, well, I told Jonas that I was okay with something, but I don’t think I am,” he told Even slowly, being mysterious with his wording. “I mean, at the time, I thought it would be okay, it made sense, but then I was walking home and I just started thinking that it was going to be bad. That it is going to end like, really bad.”

“Okay,” Even turned on his side to look at him, propping his his head up on his hand, “Well, that all sounds pretty cryptic, Is. Why is it going to end bad? What is it?”

“I guess I should just kind of, come out with it first,” Isak said and slowly rolled on his side, facing Even and looking at him. Even could see the nerves in his eyes, while the gears turned in his head to try to figure out what he was going to say. “I kind of kissed Jonas. Because… I’m gay.” 

“And?” Even asked, genuinely being surprised, not because he was gay, but because Isak kissed Jonas. He kissed a guy before coming to Even about it and it kind of hurt. It hurt because he was kissing someone else, but it also hurt because he didn’t think to come to Even before he did it. Even always came to him. 

“And??” Isak looked at him incredulously. “You already knew, didn’t you?! Did Eskild tell you?”

“Eskild?” Even’s jaw dropped. Eskild. Eskild was told before Even was. That stung even more. “No, Eskild did not tell me. I didn’t know for sure or anything. But, I mean, I had a hunch. Like, you let me kiss you and make out with you with literally no question when we were younger. I’ve never actually seen you light up around a girl, never seen you genuinely excited about a girl and…” He wasn’t sure if he should say the last part, afraid that Isak might get embarrassed. 

“And what? What else could there possibly be?” He groaned a little moving himself back on his back with his hands over his face. 

“Well, uh,” Even bit his lip and cleared his throat before saying it, “Noora kind of found gay porn on your phone. She and Eva came to me about it. Uh, they thought you were dating Chris Schistad.”

“Whaaat???” Isak sounded so mortified as he lifted his hands and look at Even pleadingly. “Please, please tell me you’re joking. Noora and Eva??”

“Don’t worry, Isak,” Even put a hand over one of his blushing cheeks and and looked at him calmly, hoping the calm could spread to his best friend, too. “I told them it didn’t mean anything, that you were probably confused because of me and the stories I told you about me and Mikael. Told them to not jump to conclusions and stuff. I mean, I can’t control whether or not they listened, but they stopped thinking you were dating Chris, at least.” 

“I can’t believe this,” Isak sighed quietly, looking at Even in the eyes, kind of sad. 

“Yeah, they actually took a picture of it,” Even laughed a little, “and sent it to me. Interesting kinks, Isak.” 

“Don’t make fun of me,” Isak groaned again and then turned around, his back to Even as if he was too embarrassed to look him in the eyes anymore. So, Even wrapped his arms around him, pulling Isak into his chest. 

“I’m sorry,” Even laughed lightly, loving feeling Isak relax into his grip. He fit just right, too. “I visited some of the sites, actually. Thanks for the quality porn.” 

“Oh my god, you did not?” Isak tilted his head to the side, the side of his face so close to Even’s he could have kissed him. “You’re welcome, I guess.” 

“So, you kissed Jonas?” Even tried to say steadily, swallowing hard and clenching his jaw a little. “But it was a mistake or?”

“Well, honestly it was kind of great,” Isak said, clenching Even’s heart between his hands and squeezing it tight. “But, he’s like, trying to not be exclusive I guess. He likes Eva and they have a thing. And he asked if I cared, basically, if he saw the both of us for now. He made it sound like he might eventually pick one of us, and I thought that maybe I could make the cut. Like, woo him and shit. But now, I don’t know.”

“Wow,” Even bit his lip and thought it over. Isak and Eva fighting over Jonas? That might take a toll on their friend group...what was Jonas thinking, liking them both at the same time? How could he really think he could string one of them along like that? To eventually choose and break one of their hearts? 

“Yeah, I know,” Isak sighed, taking one of Even’s hands that was over his stomach in his own. “Eva is literally going to scratch my eyes out, and then the rest of the girls are literally going to fucking eat me alive if they find out. And...what if, after all of that, he doesn’t even pick me? Then I’ll have lost my friends and the first guy who actually wants something to do with me and ugh. I don’t know, I don’t know what to do Even. I feel really confused.” 

Even couldn’t help but swallow hard again, his heart beating into Isak’s back thunderously. He couldn’t stand the thought of him getting hurt like this. He wanted to tell Isak to forget about Jonas and come to him, but he couldn’t just do that, could he? Not with Sonja in the picture. Definitely not with the potential he and Sonja had. He owed it to both of them to figure out what was there before bringing Isak into anything. He just wished that Jonas had had that same respect for Isak's heart. 

“I wish I had the answer,” Even said gently, nuzzling his nose into Isak’s hair and taking in his scent. “I think you have to do what you have to do. I guess maybe just listen to your gut feeling? It’s a bad idea, so don’t? Or, I don’t know. Maybe you deserve to figure out what you and Jonas have. It’s just...I don’t know.”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to know, Ev,” he closed his eyes and squeezed Even’s hand. “You don’t have to stay in here all night but can you just hold me until I fall asleep?”

“It’s early, you know.”

“Yeah, but I’m tired and I’m thinking I’m not going to sleep so well tonight, so I might as well try to get a head start,” Isak said, pulling away and taking off his jeans before getting back into Even’s arms, where he fit perfectly. 

“Okay, Isak,” Even said softly, brushing his lips over his hair and holding him tight.

 

**~Wednesday Lunch~**

Isak was the first one at the lunch table that day. He had mapped out a new route after his last class to avoid running into Emma or any of the girls he knew she hung out with and it was apparently faster. He didn’t want to see her and he certainly didn’t want to get cornered by one of her friends about the rumors. Because, well, even though he hadn’t been the one who started them, he wasn’t denying them. When random first years approached him about it, he’d simply shrug his shoulders and escape as quickly as possible. 

Of course, despite Even’s efforts, it was going to be near-to-impossible to actually escape all talk of Emma until all of this flew under the radar. And, he was a little nervous. He needed it all to fly under the radar, because he couldn’t exactly come out until it did, could he? It may start up a whole new spread of rumors on the subject. 

But coming out to Even was a huge weight off his shoulders. It was freeing to know that his best friend finally knew, for certain about who he was. Nevermind the entirely new weight on his shoulders that said pursuing anything with Jonas while he was with Eva was a bad idea, at least one of the old weights were lifted. And, once it was something he was entirely out about, well, he could only assume the lightness that might consume him. 

It might be different if his own family was still in his life. His dad always had a thing for words like ‘fag’ and didn’t really take kindly to it when gay marriage was legalized. His mom was religious, so he could only imagine what she would say—you know, if she was of sound mind. Coming out to either of them would have been painful, but he really didn’t need to. He hadn’t talked to his Dad in almost six months, and his mom wasn’t there enough to really care. Last time he visited her, he told her that he was failing all his classes—a lie—and she only shrugged and moved on to something about Donald Trump being his uncle. She was too much caught up in her own mind to care about his actual life. 

Isak might come out to the boys at lunch, but he wasn’t sure if that was weird with Jonas around. They wanted to keep what happened and what might happen between them, and he didn’t know if it’d somehow make things obvious. 

“Halla,” Even said as he got to the table, sitting beside Isak and kissing him on the cheek. Not a completely unnatural thing for him to do, but it wasn’t something he’d usually do in school. 

“Halla,” Isak replied, looking at him curiously, “Someone seems happy today.” 

“Oh, definitely,” Even nodded, and pulled out his backpack, digging through it, “you’ve got to see what I did in my drawing class today. Totally inspired.”

Magnus’s voice faded in from a distance, “Come on dude, you may have your way of working but this may be the only way for me!” He, Jonas, and Mahdi all joined them at the table, Jonas sitting across from Isak today instead of beside him. 

Isak pretended not to care. 

“Isak, Even, what do you think?” Mahdi looked at the two of them. “Vilde really thinks a double date would be a good idea. She wants Eva and Jonas to join them this Friday. Jonas says he’s not sure, but didn’t he say he’d help get our man laid?”

Isak could feel Even pause in his search for his drawing beside him, feel his gaze on the side of his face. He didn’t risk a glance in his direction, trying to make sure he played all of this completely chill. He glanced at Jonas, who was looking back at him, then at the boys and just nodded, “I mean, he did say that he would.”

“Why aren’t you sure, Jonas?” Even asked, his leg beginning to bounce beneath the table. He could hear the protectiveness in his voice, the question had been pointed, as if he was asking _is it because of Isak?_ He would probably blow the secret before Isak did. Isak tried to nonchalantly put his hand on his leg, squeezing it and pressing it still. 

“Relationships are something I actually like to go on my own,” Jonas shrugged a little, shifting in his seat and his foot moving up against Isak’s and staying there. “A double date just seems so invasive. If I want to get to know someone, I’m more of a one-on-one kind of guy.”

 _One-on-one._ Isak couldn't help but think that that was what he said about hanging out with him alone.

“I see,” Even’s leg continued to bounce a little underneath Isak’s touch. Isak cast a quick glance and Even’s eyes met his a little sadly. This boy who held him all of last night was worried for him. Isak knew that. Isak was so grateful for him, having fallen asleep to him playing with his hair then waking him up a few more times in the night when Isak found himself tossing and turning just for Even to play with his hair until he fell back to sleep. A couple times, Isak managed to not wake him up and just traced his features on his face until sleep would take him back over. 

He remembered the first time Even helped him through his insomnia. It was before he went to any doctors about it. After his mom had been diagnosed when he was thirteen, his dad had told him it was time for him to start helping around the house. He’d have to make her breakfast in the morning before school and make sure to come straight home to take care of her when she was bad. It was a lot of work, and his Dad really wasn’t doing much to help staying at work later and later, making Isak do the brunt of the work, dealing with his mom yelling and throwing things and making Isak feel completely incompetent. 

He would stay awake at night googling things that might help, things that might make him a better son. Mostly because he wanted to help, but partly because he felt too awful to fall asleep. His mind would go wild with angry thoughts at his dad and sad thoughts about how he wasn’t doing enough for his mom. At one point, he was even thinking about stopping going to school altogether to help her out and he missed a couple days in a row, not contacting Even or any of their friends. 

Even showed up after school on the second day of his absence. After not hearing from Isak, he had gone to Magnus and Mahdi to see if they heard from him. When neither of them had heard from him either and told Even he hadn't been in school, Even got nervous and came right over. When Isak opened the door to him, he watched the older boys face fall, his icy blue eyes go sad. 

Isak looked like a wreck.

Isak begged him to go, told him there was too much to do, but Even refused, helped him clean up the house and cooked a near-to gourmet meal for Isak and his mom. She wasn’t any less difficult with Even, but he helped Isak so much with just trying. He even told him he’d watch his mom while Isak showered before his Dad got home. 

That night, they curled up in Isak’s bed together and Even hummed to him, playing with his curls and lulling him to sleep. Isak was pretty sure Even didn’t sleep a wink that night. Every time Isak tossed, Even was there, shh’ing him and carding his fingers through his hair. Every time Isak turned, Even would give him a reassuring smile and told him to just relax as he ran his hands gently down Isak’s back. There wasn’t a time that night where Isak was awake without him, and though he’d been worried about Even sleeping, he was glad he had someone there who cared. 

And Even was still here, worried and caring about Isak’s first maybe-relationship. 

Isak wasn’t sure he deserved any of it, but he was so grateful for Even. 

 

**~Wednesday Night~**

Jonas had eventually agreed to the double date, tapping Isak’s foot with his and stealing glances in his direction to make sure everything was okay. Isak still wasn’t sure he was okay with the whole idea, but he wasn’t going to bring it up right there and then, so he sided with Mahdi and Magnus and let Even be devil’s advocate for him. 

After dinner time, he was in his room, doing homework, listening to the music coming from Even’s room. Even sometimes listened to his music really loudly, to drown out other things, or just because he needed it to help his inspiration flow. Isak was pretty sure it was the latter, so when he got a text from Jonas, he went through the door between their rooms to ask for Even’s advice. 

“Even?” He said, having to call out kind of loud for him to hear. Even’s room was rearranged. He had moved his bed up against the same wall, but pushed up against the wall perpendicular to it. More floor space. His dresser was now on next to the door between their rooms, so he couldn’t swing it all the way open. And his desk, where he was sitting, was pushed right up against the window. He was hunched over, shading intensely with his pencil. 

“Even!” Isak said louder, not wanting to scare him, but gently placing a hand on his shoulder. 

“Isak!” He responded, quickly closing his notebook and turning to him. “Hey, I’m sorry, I was drawing, I guess I got caught up. Whats up?”

“Uhh,” Isak looked around, “You tell me. What’s with the change?” Isak motioned around the room and walked over to the stereo, turning it down a little and raising an eyebrow at him. 

“I decided I wanted to draw the view, so I moved the desk, and then the rest kind of just followed,” Even shrugged, “it’s a nice little change, don’t you think?” 

“Not bad,” Isak shrugged back at him then walked over to the desk, sliding some books over and sitting down on it, thinking about how they would chill on the windowsill and that was going to be a little bit more difficult now. “So, Jonas texted me, and I’m not sure what to text back.” 

“Okay,” Even said slowly and leaned back in his chair, looking up at Isak carefully. “What did he say?”

“He asked if I was really okay with the double date thing,” Isak bit his lip and pulled up the text, looking at it again. “And, I mean, yeah, whatever I guess, but I don’t know about the whole thing in general. I mean, what about Eva, I don’t want her to hate me. I thought I really liked him, and I think I might still, I don’t know. But, I don’t think I can handle being in this position.”

“That’s...understandable, Isak,” Even’s leg began to bounce again, but instead he just stood up and paced a little before walking back over to Isak, standing between his legs. “Maybe you should talk to Eva? I mean, it seems like she’s your biggest worry here, and that makes sense. She’s one of your best friends. Just tell Jonas sure and talk to her, like, as soon as you can.”

“What if…” Isak sighed a little, finding that Even’s closeness and direct glare was a little distracting. “What if it makes things go to hell? I could lose them both.”

“Isak, do you really like him?” Even raised a brow and put his hands on Isak’s hips, suddenly pulling Isak into him. Isak’s eyes widened, looking up at him incredulously. It wasn’t like they’d never been close like this, but this movement seemed more sexual than others. Less of an act of friendship and more...sensual. He wasn’t sure what to think as their hips connected at the edge of the desk. 

“Well, I mean,” Isak began, trying really hard to ignore his pounding heart and fluttering stomach, “it’s difficult. I-I think I do, but it just seems, I don’t know.” Honestly, he couldn’t get his thoughts straight. And, it got even harder as Even dipped down and started kissing the side of his face to his neck. 

“Isaak,” he said quietly against his skin, nipping at his neck as Isak couldn’t help but tilt his head to the side. Shivers went down his spine and it took everything in him not to moan.

“Even,” Isak said back, gently pushing him away with a hard swallow, “I-I… I think you need to calm down. I know you hate when I ask this, but are you feeling okay?”

“Isak, I feel great,” Even rolled his eyes and sat back down in his chair, looking up at Isak, “I was just trying to help you figure out your feelings. You know, maybe if I kissed you, you might forget or something. Maybe set your mind straight. It was stupid though. Forget it.”

“Even, I don’t understand,” Isak was a little worried, this could be the start of an episode. If it was, Isak couldn’t take anything he did to heart, especially not kissing his neck like _that_. Even didn’t take medicine for his bipolar disorder because he tended to enjoy most of the manic parts of his episode, said it helped his creativity, made him freer. If he was manic, he might be feeling a little hypersexual, which would explain his actions. He was going to have to keep an eye on him and let his parents know. 

“I said it was stupid, just forget it,” Even repeated and looked at him seriously. 

“Do you want to go on a walk with me?” Isak asked carefully. Usually, it was better to try to get Even tired out a bit when he was like this, talk to him about nothing in general, but keep him moving. It would be helpful, and hopefully make sure he got a good sleep. 

“Sounds good,” Even shrugged. Sometimes, he knew what Isak was doing and would immediately tell him no, that he couldn’t control him. But, either he didn’t realize, or he was pretty in control at the moment. They would go for a walk, Isak would text his parents, and they’d keep this under control. 

 

**~Thursday Morning~**

“Isak, I swear to God, I’m not manic,” Even groaned a little. They had just gotten off the bus and Even couldn’t help but notice the handful of pointless topics they covered. Even might get a little oblivious during his episodes, but he did know the things that Isak and his parents did to help him through them with ease. Isak would make sure they didn’t talk about anything hard-hitting or important. He avoided the topic of Jonas and he didn’t once bring up what Even did last night. 

He also walked with him last night until his legs were exhausted, stayed up until Even went to sleep, and made sure he had simple foods to eat because he usually couldn't sit still for a full meal when he was manic.

Even had just wanted to see if Isak would react. He liked when Jonas had kissed him, from what Isak said anyway, but he didn’t know if maybe it was just because it was a guy showing him attention. Even had been that way when he first came out, thinking that any guy who showed him attention might be The One. 

Not to mention, he really did want Isak. It had been rude, it had been exactly what Jonas was doing to him because Sonja was still in the picture, but he just got caught up in the moment. He. Was. Not. Manic. He was in control. He knew it. 

Would Isak have responded differently if he didn’t think Even was in the middle of an episode?

“Okay, Ev,” Isak shrugged a little, as if he was looking around for another simple topic to cover. That was another thing, he’d avoid contradicting Even, avoid conflict or arguments at all costs. 

“So, I don’t want you to stop me from my weekend plans,” Even eyed him carefully. There was no way he was giving up his weekend with Sonja, but there was also no way Isak was going to let him go away alone with her if he thought he was having an episode. Especially because she knew nothing about being bipolar, or that he had the disorder to begin with. 

“What are your weekend plans?” Isak asked, a bit of worry passing over his eyes, but then making sure he settled back on his neutral stare. They were stopped out front of the school, this was usually where Isak met Sana and they parted until lunch. 

“Sonja and I are checking into a suite in the city,” Even shrugged nonchalantly. “From Friday night until Sunday morning. I just think we need some quality time. Like, I really just need to see if this is going to go somewhere. We’ve been together for almost a month now and I feel like I know nothing about her besides how good she is in bed and while that’s great..”

“I get it, you’re into the personality more, you want to get to know her,” Isak nodded. Was he just not going to fight him on it to avoid confrontation? Was it really going to be that easy? Nope. “But, Ev, I just don’t know if this weekend is a good idea.”

“Isak,” Even complained, “seriously, I’m fine. And I’m going. End of discussion.”

“Why can’t you just get to know her at our place?” Isak asked, leaning against the wall and looking up at Even. 

“Because that’s ridiculous,” Even said, thinking about the fact that it was hard to focus on anything when Isak was in the other room, when his mom, dad, or little sister might actually be able to hear everything that was going on, any topic they might discuss. “Family gets in the way. I need it to be just me and her.”

“Even, I—” 

“Halla boys,” Sana said as she showed up, “Ready for another fun filled school day?”

“Sana, you’re even more of a nerd than Isak over here,” Even chuckled, kissed her cheek, gave Isak a look to tell him it was the end of the discussion and then started walking away. He pretended not to hear Isak yell out that they’d talk about it later, because, Even already had his mind made up. It was going to happen whether Isak liked it or not. 

 

**~Thursday Afternoon~**

Jonas had texted him after lunch asking if they could meet up after school. Isak agreed and Jonas told him to meet him in the library. A strange location for talking, Isak thought, but he let it slide and headed straight their after the last class, wandering about between bookshelves until he found Jonas sitting in the corner next to the history section. Not many people came back here unless they had assignments. Maybe Jonas thought it was a place they could be relatively alone. 

“Hey,” Isak said quietly when he spotted him, walking over and taking a seat next to him on the ground. 

“Hey Isak,” Jonas said and closed the book he was reading, Isak could only see that the cover had something to do with communism. Interesting. “So, Even talked to me today?”

“Oh?” Isak raised both eyebrows, this was news to him. “What about?”

“I’m guessing you told him, because he told me not to hurt you, or else basically,” Jonas said slowly and looked at Isak, furrowing his eyebrows curiously. “I thought we were keeping this on the downlow?”

“I only told Even, and he’s not going to tell anyone,” Isak sighed a little, moving closer and taking his hand to try to comfort him. 

“Well, maybe not but he wants to kill me,” Jonas returned, letting Isak take his hand and moving closer. He took his free hand and gently caressed Isak’s cheek. “I’m not trying to hurt you, you know. If you’re not cool with this, we can put it off.”

“Oh,” Isak said, _put it off because you want to be with Eva right now,_ was all he really could think. “I, uh, honestly, I don’t know how I feel about it. I was actually thinking about talking to Eva about it. You know, since we’re friends, I thought maybe if she told me she was okay with it, I’d feel better about it, you know? But, if you don’t want me to do that…”

“No, no, that’s fine,” Jonas waved his hand at him, “I mean, she knows that we’re not exclusive, I just hope she’s okay with it. Because, I like her. But, I like you too, Isak. You’re so thoughtful and chill. I have a good time with you.” 

“Oh,” Isak said again, eyes wide as Jonas leaned in and kissed him. Isak felt a little exposed, in the middle of the library like this, but he didn’t care. Jonas liked him, and Jonas was the one who initiated the kiss. And Isak kissed back, wrapping his arms around him and almost moving into his lap as he pressed his tongue in Jonas’s mouth. 

Okay, yeah, so things were a mess. But, they could work out. Maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bleh bleh what is jonas doing? When is Evak going to just do the dooooooooo??  
> We are getting there, we've only just beguuunnn.
> 
> Okay I'm tired but please leave kudos/comments and I will be forever grateful to you.


	4. Tell Me How You Really Feel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKayyy, so this chapter is a little rough, I'm not going to lie.  
> The POV changes might get a little confusing towards the end(there are a lot of switches), since Isak and Even are in different places. So the switch to Even's POV is between *'s. Hopefully that makes it make sense.  
> I know some of you are like "BUT WHERE IS THE EVAK" but it's there...kind of....AND SOON OKAY I PROMISE THAT

**~Friday Lunch~**

Isak asked Eva if they could have lunch together. They were good friends, able to talk about anything and everything when they were hanging out. They just hadn’t really gotten together to hang out much since Isak’s break up with Ingrid. Eva and Ingrid had been best friends, and the three of them hung out together a lot during the beginning of their relationship, Eva was their favorite third wheel. But somewhere in the midst of it, things went awry between Ingrid and Eva. Then Eva met Vilde and Noora and Chris and Sana, and Isak and Eva only really talked when they were getting together for parties and whatnot. Even after the breakup. 

So, if the two of them were meeting up, it was going to be for some serious R&R or was just plain serious.

“Isak, there you are,” Eva said as she joined him at the lunch table. “I wasn’t sure where to find you.”

“Yeah, sorry, I guess I left out that detail?” His heart was kind of racing already. He liked to think that he and Eva still had a deep connection, but there was a part of him that felt like it was loose, one more pull and it’d become untied. 

“It’s fine,” she shrugged and reached for his food, snagging a fry and eating it. “What’s up? Another life crisis you need to work out?”

“Kind of, actually,” Isak licked his lips and slid his fries over to her. His stomach was knotted, he probably wouldn’t be able to eat them, anyway. He wasn’t worried about coming out to her, hell, she probably already had a hunch because of that fucking porn on his phone. He’d been trying to forget about them finding that porn, trying not to feel completely exposed to Eva and Noora because of it. But it made him cringe like a bad memory. 

He may not have been afraid to come out because of it, but he was terrified to tell her about Jonas.

“Alright, well, I’m all ears,” She grabbed a couple more fries and sat back, looking him up and down as if she was trying to figure out what this was going to be about before he said anything. _Prepare yourself_.

“Well,” Isak began, chewing on his lip a little before continuing on, “I, uh, like guys. And, I don’t know if I have to like, formally come out to everybody, Even just kind of...started dating them and then everyone knew. But, yeah, I’m gay and the reason I’m telling you this is because there’s this one guy in particular. Well, if I was being honest, I’d actually say there are _two_ guys but the second is kind of complicated. Actually, they’re both complicated and I need to tell you about it because,” god, he was rambling. He always rambled when he started getting nervous, when he was revealing himself to someone and his stomach was knotting and his mind was racing. He’d usually go on for hours if no one stopped him. This time, though, he stopped himself because he was literally just about to say it. The words were literally sitting on the tip of his tongue. _Because one of them is Jonas_. 

And he stopped because something told him not to say it. None of this was right, he could feel it. 

“Because what, Isak? You’re kind of freaking me out here,” Eva said, a nervous bubble of laughter pulsing out of her as her face twisted up with worry. 

“Damn it,” he’d already dug himself so deep, he wasn’t sure how to recover. He’d either have to tell her or make something up, and with his mind racing, it’d be half-assed and probably as transparent as plastic wrap. “Eva, I’m really nervous that this is going to ruin everything.” 

“Okay, now you’re really freaking me out,” she raised her eyebrows and reached across the table, pushing his shoulder playfully, “just get out with it, Valtersen.” 

“I’m in love with Even.”

Eva’s eyes widened and Isak must’ve been mirroring that shocked look on her face because he felt like his entire expression was about to pop out, leaving him completely faceless right there in the middle of the room. That was not what they were supposed to talk about. That was not something he talked about with anyone. It certainly was not going to help his relationship with Jonas. And, really, those five words had the power to ruin his entire life. 

“Eva, you can’t tell anyone,” Isak rushed, reaching across the table and taking her hands. “Please, please, keep this between you and me.” 

“Yeah, sure, of course,” she looked at him and nodded, gears turning in her head as she looked at him. “I literally can’t believe I didn’t see this. Obviously you hate Sonja, you’re in love with him. And, you guys are always so touchy and I...I bet he likes you too, actually?”

“It’s funny you say that,” Isak shook his head and thought about the other night, Even taking his hips and pulling them into his. It had felt so sensual and way too right to say the least. The kisses on his neck had almost stung with pleasure. But, there was no way that had truly been Even, was there? “The other night I was getting nervous about things with Jonas and Even totally just, like, he almost started ravishing me. I think he might be a little manic right now though, so.”

“Wait. What about Jonas?” Eva raised her eyebrows and looked at Isak intensely. _Fuck_. He and Eva literally just had this bond, and it felt like they could talk about everything and anything. Momentarily, Isak had forgotten about the one thing he couldn’t actually talk to her about. 

“Jonas and I were hanging out the other day and I,” Isak raced for a lie, something he could tell her that could’ve been on his mind, worrying him about his _friend,_ Jonas. But the wheels were turning in her head much faster than they were in his jumbled up mess of a mind. 

“Wait, two guys,” Eva paused and looked at him, her eyes widening again as Isak sunk in his seat in despair, “The other guy isn’t Jonas, is it? Because, Jonas and I… Oh my God, Jonas isn’t gay too, is he?” 

“He’s not, Eva, he likes you, a lot,” Isak nodded a little, continuing to sink down in his seat as he found himself spilling the truth in a jumbled slur of words, “he just, he told me you’re not exclusive and we’ve kissed a couple times. But, that’s it.” 

“Faen,” Eva threw her hands up and groaned a little, “This is a lot, Isak.”

“I know, I know,” Isak said, rubbing his face a little, “I just thought I had to talk to you about it because I couldn’t just...not. Our friendship is important to me, Eva. If you’re not okay with this then—”

“Of course I’m not okay with it, Isak!” Eva almost screamed, lowering her voice before going on, “How on earth could you be okay with this? I mean, Jesus, talk about being desperate, you’re what? Okay with being the other person in a relationship? I mean, what do you think is going to happen here? We’re going to become some sort of threesome, or he picks you and you guys frolic off together? You said it yourself, he’s not gay. God, I know he’s not gay, trust me, I’d know.” 

“Eva, I’m sorry,” Isak sighed and looked at her pleadingly, “I dont know what I thought. I just like him.” 

“You like Jonas, you love Even. What’s next, Mahdi? Magnus?” Eva stood up, pushing the french fries back at Isak. “Pull yourself together, Isak. You’re a fucking mess.” 

 

**~Friday Evening~**

Isak had been upset and angry after talking to Eva. He was a fucking mess, he knew that, but it wasn’t like he was just going after the guys in his life were all fucking fair game. He wasn’t keen on guys all the time, even though he sometimes felt like it. He was mad at her for thinking like that, thinking that he was just going to go around and screw every guy he came in contact with or some shit. 

He wasn’t exactly proud of what he did next, though. 

He had texted Jonas to meet him in the bathroom. At first, he figured they’d just talk about it. But then, his nerves were flying about and he decided they could do a little making out, probably for the last time. And, then, when Jonas was actually there in the stall with him, he became impulsive, feeling him up and just getting so into it. He didn’t necessarily regret dropping to his knees and blowing the first guy he’d ever go down on, in a bathroom stall, but he didn’t feel too great about it either. 

He wanted to talk to Even about it. But, Even was avoiding him so that he could slip away with Sonja. Isak couldn’t exactly do anything to stop him without him getting upset, but he hoped that his parents would be able to interfere. Hoped that they would agree with Isak about Even’s moods and make sure he didn’t run off with her for some gross romantic getaway.

So, since Even was unavailable, he’d texted Eskild, who was of course happy to help. That’s how he ended up sitting at the same table as they had been at not too long ago at Kaffebrenneriet. He ordered the same thing he had last time for himself and for Eskild and waited patiently, though his mind was racing. _Eva. Jonas. Even. Gay. Blow jobs. EvaJonasEvenGayBlowjobsUGH_.

“There’s my little prodigy,” Eskild coo’d, coming from behind Isak and wrapping his arms around his shoulders. He placed a kiss atop of his head, “Do you realize we officially have a spot, a rendezvous point so to speak? That’s so exciting.” 

“Of course, you would look at it that way,” Isak rolled his eyes and watched Eskild take his spot across from him at the table. He slid him his tea and looked at him. “So, your advice worked and I figured out if the guy liked me.”

“I told you that I am a master at this!” Eskild smiled triumphantly then took a sip of his tea. “So, how’d it go, did you guys hook up? Or his he painfully straight? And are you finally going to tell me who he is because I’ve been wracking my brain ever since our conversation.” 

“I did promise to tell you if it worked out,” Isak shrugged a little and looked at him. He felt much more comfortable this time around with Eskild, and about a million times better talking to him than he had felt talking to Eva at lunch. “Which, it kind of did, but things have also kind of gone to shit? I knew it was going to be a mess, but I thought it’d somehow end out okay.” 

“Do you always do this mysterious build up thing?” Eskild asked, pointing at Isak and wiggling his hand in a circle. “Because I feel like it could get old, fast. Come on, I am your Guru, you can just tell me. I love dramatics, I do, but if you’re going to be dramatic with me, it’s gotta be out of this world. Not this mysterious bullshit you’ve got going on.”

“Okay _Guru_. Well, it was Jonas,” Isak decided to look down at his coffee while he talked. He couldn’t deal with Eskild’s over the top facial expressions while he explained himself. “I know that he and Eva have a thing, but I mean, technically I liked him first, I _saw_ him first. Even though I wasn’t the first of us to act on it, that should count. And he actually likes me, he told me so. He just...can’t be exclusive because he also likes her.”

“Oh,” Eskild nodded, Isak risking a glance up to see him contemplating his words, lips pressing together, rolling in and then pursing out before speaking again, “So, he said he likes you. And he likes her? Have you two done anything? Or just talked?”

“Well, we hung out a couple of times,” Isak shrugged a little, beginning to feel a little embarrassed, “And, then I kissed him the other day, and he kissed me back. He told me he’s like, fluid or whatever but he can’t be exclusive and I told him that was okay. Even though I’m not sure it is, I mean, I'd like to be with him. We kissed a couple times after that. Ugh, then I talked to Eva and she got mad and I did something stupid.”

“So Eva just didn’t know this whole time?”

“He told me she knew they weren’t exclusive,” Isak pinched the bridge of his nose and cleared his throat a little. “That much was true, but she didn’t know that it could have been a guy, I guess. That it was me. And I almost didn’t tell her, instead I told her something else that I haven’t told you either and I don’t know if I should tell anyone else and ugh, she called me a mess and I am an absolute fucking mess, Eskild.” 

“Isak, Isak, chill,” Eskild reached out and took his hand in the comforting way he had the first time they talked. He met Isak’s eyes and just looked at him calmly, letting silence fall over them for a few moments. “Listen, let’s just focus on Jonas and Eva and the whole idea of you being a mess. If, at the end you feel like telling me whatever else, then you can. I won’t force you to say anything. Can you tell me what the stupid thing you did was?”

“After I talked to Eva, I was upset,” Isak groaned and looked away. Eskild might be proud of him, or think he was completely stupid. It could’ve gone either way and Isak wouldn’t be surprised, as long as it was dramatic. “So, I fucking met Jonas in the bathroom and went down on him.”

“Isak that is so _filthy_ of you!” Eskild laughed a little and put a hand on his shoulder. Shaking him, he just looked at him like _so what?_ “I think that you knew what you wanted and you went for it and good job for that, honestly. But, I do have some qualms, I won’t lie to you.” 

“What kinds of qualms?” Isak's stomach was twisting a little. Qualms were bad. He'd knew what he wanted and went for it but now there were _qualms_.

“Well, the whole Eva thing,” Eskild sighed a little, taking his hand again and looking at Isak with a bit of pity staining his eyes. “It’s like this: I know guys with girlfriends who hook up with guys all the time. But, it’s kind of, well really rare actually, that they leave these girls for the guys they’re hooking up with. I mean, he says that he’s fluid but what does that really mean? That he wants to hook up with guys and girls? Only date girls? Did he ever say he _could_ be exclusive with you? I don’t know, Isak. It’s fishy...or I mean, that’s just my opinion.” 

“Oh, wow,” Isak thought for a second or two. Jonas really didn’t ever say anything about the two of them becoming exclusive. Actually, hadn’t he said something about not being the kind of guy Isak needed? What exactly did that mean? Isak had just thought that it was an ‘at the time’ thing, but maybe it’d never be the time. “Fuck.”

“I think maybe you jumped the gun by talking to Eva when you really haven’t DTR’d with Jonas yet,” Eskild shrugged and tilted his head. 

“DTR?”

“You know, Define The Relationship,” Eskild sipped his tea before moving on, “like, yeah you know he likes you enough to kiss you and let you give him some public bathroom oral, but you don’t really know if there’s anything outside of what’s physical. You have this primal attraction but is there anything else?”

“That’s not completely true,” Isak said, trying to hold back a sad sigh while he thought of the weight of everything Eskild was telling him. “He says I’m chill. We hang out and talk a lot and we get along really well. Isn’t that something?” 

“I mean, you and Even talk a lot and get along really well,” Eskild said, as if it proved some point in an opposing argument. 

“Bad example,” Isak shook his head. “Even and I are different. Way different than anything Jonas and I have, way different than me and any of the boys have.”

“Okaaaay,” He drew out the word, his eyebrows pushing together in confusion, “Well, how about you and me then? We can hang out and talk, enjoy each other’s company. That’s not anything. And, maybe you think that’s different too because I’m your Guru and all. But, just think about it. You need Jonas to not only do something, but say something that actually makes you feel like you actually have a shot. Like there’s something _more_. Do you get that?”

“So basically I have to like, have a serious talk with Jonas about this,” Isak nodded and rubbed his face with a groan, not sure that was actually something he was going to be able to do. He really thought Jonas was cute and nice and fun, but when he got around him, he couldn’t help but want to touch him. Sure, they had good talks, but since their first kiss, it had gotten a lot more physical. Isak liked it, could feel the building tension between them. It was actually sort of a comfort. The ability to get physical with someone, making out with them, going down on them, without it being Even. He kind of even felt like there was some sort of comfort for Jonas though. 

Exactly,” Eskild grabbed for his hand again, “and I swear, if it doesn’t work out, I know a ton of eligible bachelors who are up your alley.”

“Up my alley?” Isak raised a brow, really only being able to think about the fact that he didn’t want to hook up with any of Eskild’s friends. Especially if they were like the ones at the bar that night that he had met him. Sleazy and kind of creepy with grotesque pick-up lines. 

“Other guys like Jonas,” Eskild shrugged and squeezed his hand, “chill guys, skaters, bushy eyebrows, curly hair. Oh yeah, I know a bunch of guys who are your type, Isak.” 

“I don’t think I have a type,” Isak looked down at their hands and then let go of Eskild’s to finish up his coffee. Jonas and Even were alike in some ways; they were existential and had a lot of ‘fuck the world’ types of thoughts. But, there were a lot of ways that the two of them were different, looks just being the icing on the cake. Even was artsy, strong and happy and confident on the outside, but soft, contemplative, gentle and realistic on the inside, on the down-low. While Jonas was more or less the opposite. He came off as realistic and chill, maybe even a little held back because of it, his confidence and optimism were kind of cocky. Like he knew something you didn't, though he didn't always show it.

Even was all of the good things, all of the time. Wasn’t he?

“I like Jonas, Eskild,” Isak looked back up at him, figuring he might as well just fucking say it, “But I love Even. I always have and I keep thinking that it’ll go away. I thought that meeting Jonas and falling for Jonas might make it just go away. But it’s still here. Like, almost every thought I have about Jonas, the next thought is how Even compares and ugh, did I mention I’m a mess?”

“Holy shit,” he said, eyes widening in just the same way Eva’s had that day. How could no one believe it? They were so close all the time, and Eskild himself was talking about how much of a catch Even was. “Fuck, I don’t know why the hell I didn’t see that one coming. God, this makes so much sense. Why don’t you just tell Even? Because of Sonja?” 

“I haven’t told him because he’s my best friend,” Isak sat back in his chair and looked away, out the window, trying to picture a life where he wasn’t too close to Even to have him. “I don’t want to lose him. I can’t lose him over it.”

“You don’t think there’s a chance he might feel the same for you?”

 

**~Friday Night~**

Eskild let Isak talk to him about Even and Jonas for hours, even after Kaffebrenneriet closed, the two of them just walked through the streets and talked until Isak had enough. His mind was so disturbed and wrapped up in what was right, what was wrong, and if anything would ever really be okay with the two of them. He has a lot of fears about it. It was going to take more than a night of chatting with his _Guru_ to settle his mind. 

He practically begged Eskild to tell him about his life and about his troubles. But, it was weird, it was like even through Eskild’s shortcomings, fears, and things he lacked in sureness, he was still so optimistic about everything. There was always some sort of bright side. He couldn’t tell a sad story without it ending with a happy little anecdote, the good things that came out of it, what he learned and how he became a better person for it. 

Isak listened and tried to take mental notes. If he could have just a quarter of Eskild’s optimism, if he could just once a day look on the bright side, his life might just be a little better. He might be a little less troubled. Maybe he was just too whiny and caught up on the things that weren’t okay, that weren’t sure.

“Isak, you’re just young,” Eskild told him, they were making their way back to Bech Næsheim’s and Isak had been whining, as always. Why couldn’t he be as collected as Eskild? Eskild, who somehow gave off all of this wisdom with such nonchalance it could knock you off your feet and keep you planted firmly on the ground all at once. “Trust me, when I was seventeen, I was just like you. A little less grumpy, sure, but I had no idea what I was doing. I thought my life was completely horrible, like everyone and everything was out to get me. Don’t think it’s just you, okay? I’m like, what, five years older than you? More? You’ve got time to learn and grow. Relax a little.”

“Relax,” Isak repeated with a hmph, as if it was so easy to relax. He could see the steps of the house from the distance. Soon he’d be home and he had a feeling he’d be doing anything but relaxing. He needed to make a plan. He needed to figure out when and where and how to _DTR_ with Jonas and he needed to settle on his feelings for Even and maybe make a pros and cons list of telling him the truth.

None of which sounded relaxing, and the ball of nerves building up in his stomach agreed with that. 

He and Eskild got to the house and Isak sat on the steps with him while he searched for guys on grindr who lived in the area. He’d lean over and ask Isak if a guy was cute enough, if he seemed real, or if he thought he sounded too clingy. Isak wasn’t an expert on any of it, but he tried his best. 

“Is this even safe? Isn’t this how people get catfished, or like, killed?” Isak asked with a raised a brow when Eskild finally settled on a guy, one who he’d talked to before, shared some risque pictures with but never met up with. 

“Well, yeah,” Eskild shrugged a little, then got up and dug through his pocket, pulling out his keys, “but, a catfish probably won’t meet up with you. And I keep this pepper spray on my key chain, you know, just in case.” He winked at Isak then hopped off the steps. 

“Alright, be safe,” Isak laughed a little. Eskild could probably handle himself, that much he knew. But, his growing bond with him made him worry in a way that felt completely beside him. He realized that he didn’t want to lose Eskild. The guy really was a lot of help to him. 

“Will do,” Eskild saluted him, “And unlike _somebody,_ I’ll text you and let you know that I’m safe and sound.”

Isak rolled his eyes and laughed, fishing his phone out of his pocket just to see that he had no new messages. He knew Magnus and Jonas had been out on their double date, but thought maybe Mahdi was going to want to hang out at some point, maybe try to get Isak to hit a party with him. Apparently not and nothing from Even, either. 

He sighed at his phone screen and then opened up his app store, not really thinking about it as he downloaded grindr and made a profile for himself. Within minutes he was getting messages from guys with sleazy nicknames.

‘Horny?’

‘Top or bottom?’

‘Is your cock thick?’ 

The messages felt a lot like the come ons from the guys at the gay bar. Like all he would be good for was a questionable fuck. Maybe Eskild was good at this stuff, maybe it was more up Eskild’s alley. Some people are okay with sleeping around, with different people, putting themselves out there like that, and that was okay. But, as the messages filed in through his phone, one right after another, Isak couldn’t help but know that it wasn’t for him. It wasn’t who he was, despite his age and who his friends thought he could be. 

Unfortunately, all his years with Even rubbed off on him. He was a romantic, through and through. Blowing Jonas in the bathroom was an emotional fluke. Not who he was.

He closed out of the app and got up, walking inside. Even’s parents were still awake, so he gave them both quick hellos before heading to his room. He knew Even wasn’t in the room next door. Despite all his arguing and pleading for him to just stay home for the weekend, Even kept his plans with Sonja, told his parents he’d be with Yousef all weekend so they weren’t worried. Not that being with Yousef made him any less manic, but they trusted Yousef to contact them if something went wrong. At least they'd know where he was at if he was with Yousef.

He decided to try calling him. Even had been ghosting him, obviously upset with Isak for trying to _control_ him (Even's favorite choice of words every time Isak got worried about his mania). But, he hoped that he’d answer a call, take an apology at the least. 

“Hello Isak, Even isn’t available right now,” Sonja picked up, speaking confidently into the phone. “We’ve been having a great night, despite what you wanted. So you can just stop. I know what you’re doing.”

And then she hung up, not letting Isak say a single word. 

*  
“Why do you have my phone?” Even asked, stepping out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist. It was pointless, he and Sonja had practically been naked since they checked in. They had just taken a shower together, even. She said she’d wait for him in bed, for probably their last round of the night. Even wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to stop at this point, though. 

“Isak called,” she shrugged innocently and set it back aside. “I told him you were busy and would call him later. Is that okay?” 

“Sure,” Even smiled small. He wasn’t actually sure how he felt about Sonja answering his phone for him, talking to Isak for him. But, at least she had been kind. He’d been kind of mean to Isak for basically the past 24 hours. He was already thinking up a big, extravagant apology for when he got home on Sunday.  
*

 

 **~Saturday Morning~**

Isak woke up around eleven in the morning with six texts from Even, all time stamped throughout the early hours of the morning.

**-Ev-**

_sorry I missed your call 03:37_

_hope you’re not mad 04:19_

_love you 04:53_

_Sonja and I are going to a museum tomorrow. or today, i guess, haha, my idea.  
I want to get inside her mind. then we’re going to the theatre.  0:5:29_

_I’m going to let her pick the movie 0:5:31_

_love you 06:44_

Isak scrolled through the texts, feeling sad and worried. Even wasn’t sleeping, which wasn’t a good sign. Hopefully Isak could get ahold of him at some point, try to convince him to come home before something happened. But, he would have to make it Even’s idea, Even’s choice or there wasn’t a chance of that. So he tried to stay cool with his text back. Get Even back on his side.

**-Ev-**

_I’m not mad. miss you. love you. 11:14_

Love you. It was so simple to say to him. Even had said it twice and yeah, that was probably the mania speaking, but it was still between them. For Even it was love between friends, for Isak it was so much more. He remembered what Eskild told him. Not to rule anything out before he talked to Even about it. Eskild said Even was too good to back down from their friendship. He told him to just tell Even or the feelings might always fester in him until he exploded. He’d find a way, maybe and hopefully Eskild was right. Hopefully it wouldn’t ruin everything. 

If felt difficult, knowing he was manic and with Sonja. Because he wanted Even’s episodes to go as smoothly as possible, he and his family had figured out how to get him through them without setting him off—for the most part. Sonja didn’t know how to deal with it properly. As much as Isak didn’t want the two of them to click, she might say something wrong while critiquing some art, talk during their movie, or just say anything problematic that might get him in a state to argue, to send him off over the edge of the mania. So, they kind of had to click for Even's sake.

He watched his phone for a few moments, seeing if Even would respond right away, but he didn’t. So, he sighed and opened up Jonas’s text conversation. All he could really do was wait for Even and make sure his parent’s knew. Too much prodding and he’d go back to ghosting him, so he thought maybe he could figure out what was happening between him and Jonas while he was waiting.

So he sent him a text.

**-Jonas-**

_hey, free today? 11:37_

__

_yeah, skatepark? 11:40_

_how's 13:00? 11:41_

_see you then 11:46_

Easy enough, Jonas was texting back pretty fast, which could’ve been a good sign. Isak just had to take a shower, make sure to talk to Even’s parents, maybe grab some food, and then head out. He’d spend his shower thinking up the specific questions to ask Jonas. Eskild had told him to make sure Jonas gave him specifics, not just his usual _chill_ terms. To make sure to hear something that was confirming. If Jonas could not confirm a future, it’d probably be better for the two of them to just end it. Hopefully stay friends. 

 

**~Saturday Afternoon~**

Isak was probably betraying Even by telling his mom and dad that he was actually out with Sonja. But, he trusted that they wouldn’t throw him under the bus and hoped that if they did, Even would understand his worry. He had to let them know. He told them that he was texting Isak sporadically throughout the night and hoped that maybe they’d get through to him. Isak was probably going to try to talk to him throughout the day, but it was good if his parents were trying as well. 

“I knew we should have figured out that find my iPhone app!” His mom, Josefine was saying, upset by the lies and feeling hopeless. 

“We probably still can, can’t we?” Martin, his dad asked, looking at Isak for confirmation. 

“Listen, that’s going to be like, a huge breach of his privacy, don’t you think?” Isak raised his eyebrows, thinking that there had to be someway that he stayed on Even’s side throughout this, and he knew how much Even would hate them knowing where he was because of his phone. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea. I’ll try to figure out where he is and I’ll keep you updated. All I know is he’s checked into some suite in the city, and that he’s going to a museum and a theatre today.” 

“Maybe we should go out for a drive, Martin, see if we see him about?” Josefine asked. Isak could see her worry. She was always very worried for Even, no matter how major or minor the episode. She was pulling for him to take the medicine. And, someday maybe she’d win that battle, but for now, they were living from episode to episode. They were decently spread, so it wasn’t so bad most of the time. 

“I don’t know if it’s really that bad,” Isak said, trying to ease her thoughts. Truthfully, he hadn’t seen Even since Friday morning. He didn’t know if it had gotten worse or not, but it hadn’t seemed like Sonja knew anything, so he was hoping for the best. 

“Maybe just for a bit,” Martin sighed, shrugging and trying to appease them both. “Do you need a ride somewhere, Isak?”

He was going to skateboard to the park, but if it was going to give them a reason to drive around, he might as well give them that. So, they drove him and promised they wouldn’t drive around for too long, that they wouldn’t worry too much. But, Isak knew that they would, and they'd probably spend the rest of the day texting and calling Even. Which meant Isak probably wouldn't hear from him at all. 

Since he got there before Jonas, he tried calling Even a couple times. No answer both times, the second time he left a brief voicemail, deciding to tell him that they needed to talk. A manic episode wasn’t a good time to talk, but he hoped that maybe it would make him want to come home, still trying to plant that seed in his head. If he did come home, he’d put off actually talking for as long as he could. 

“Halla,” Jonas said when he showed up, Isak stood up and hugged him, not caring that there were a few other kids around. If they had a problem with them hugging, he had a feeling Jonas would help him take care of it.

“Hi,” Isak said with a smile, looking at him curiously, “how did the double date go?”

“Not bad,” Jonas shrugged and looked away. Obviously it was going to be weird to talk about Jonas and Eva, but Isak couldn’t help but feel a jealous curiosity. 

“So Vilde and Magnus didn’t get in the way of your _game_?” Isak asked, giving him a neutral look. He wanted Jonas to want to talk to him about things. Mostly because Isak was going to eventually ask some hard hitting questions. 

“Uh, no,” Jonas furrowed his eyebrows and looked at him like he was kind of crazy. 

“...Did I?” 

“Oh, uh no, actually,” Jonas looked at him, and for some reason, Isak could tell that he was trying to figure out how honest to be. “Do you, like, really want to talk about this? Isn’t it weird?” 

“Maybe a little,” Isak picked up his board and looked at him. “But I figured it’d be good to know if my talk with Eva fucked things up or not.” 

“No, it _definitely_ didn’t,” he bit his lip and looked at him with another curious look, “I’ve actually had a pretty good sex life since then? I mean, there was you in the bathroom and then last night was…”

“Yeah, okay, that’s probably crossing a line,” Isak scrunched his nose up and stuck out his tongue like he was going to be sick and then jumped on his board and skated away. It was actually kind of the start of what he was looking for out of Jonas, full blown honesty. So, he looked behind him to make sure he was following.

He was. 

They skated around the park for a bit, Jonas showing off with some fancy moves for Isak, and Isak showing off his own minimal abilities. It was fun, just goofing off and skating together. Isak felt like he and Jonas had a real connection, he really did. They could talk and laugh with and at each other. The could skate in silence or not shut the fuck up between the two of them. But, Eskild was right, it could very well just be a friendly connection. In another universe, maybe Jonas was his best friend. And, maybe that’s the way things were supposed to be. 

Jonas was showing him a trick with a name that sounded completely made up, a Fakie Flip something or other and Isak was sitting on a bench, hands underneath his chin and watching him when the next question bubbled out of his mouth. Jonas had finished the trick close enough to him that he could ask him in a calm enough voice. 

“What is it that you like about me, Jonas?” Isak asked, looking at him and rolling his chin on his hands. Jonas stopped, picked up his board and sat next to him. 

“I’ve told you, Isak, you’re really chill, we have a good time together,” Jonas looked at him and bumped their shoulders together. “You give pretty damn good head, too.”

“Huh,” Isak couldn’t help but laugh a little bit, thinking that he’d only ever giving head to popsicles before. At least all those stained-red lips paid off somehow. “But, like, what else? Do you think I’m cute? Or maybe do you think you could see yourself dating me?”

“I mean, sure,” Jonas shook his head then ran his fingers through those dark curls. “You’re a pretty good looking guy. Anyone with eyes could see that.” Jonas stopped and looked at him, then reached over, taking his chin in his hand and tilting his head up so their lips were incredibly close. “Don’t you feel the connection, Isak?”

“Well, yeah,” Isak sighed against his lips, his eyelids drooping a little. The connection was much stronger when they were this close. But, Isak still wasn’t sure that it was more than just friendly outside of those primal instincts. He playfully pushed Jonas back and gave him a smile, “but, Jonas, I think you were right. That first day we kissed and you said that you weren’t what I was looking for. I thought that maybe, eventually I would have you, we’d date and things would be great. But that’s not going to happen, is it?” 

“Oh,” Jonas looked down and then back at Isak, “I guess I don’t know. I mean, I like kissing you, obviously you can get me going too, but I don’t know. Can you picture us, out on a dinner date? Buying each other flowers or some shit?”

“I thought I could,” Isak said sadly, being the one to look away this time. “But, I guess maybe not. Not while you’re with Eva. I wanted you to want me so bad, Jonas, and I don’t know why. Maybe you were just new and exciting. We get along so well, and you’re pretty damn good looking yourself.” Isak bumped his shoulder now. His heart was kind of hurting, but he wanted to keep talking it out. Felt like he actually could talk it out.

“Thanks, man,” Jonas rested his head in his hands for a moment. “I really did want you, though. But, then you were kissing me and it was great, like really great. It’s all been great. But, there’s something missing in it. Don't you think?”

Isak nodded a little. He didn’t really know what it meant for Jonas’s sexuality, but he knew what it sounded like. “You’re not really into dating guys, are you? Girls make more sense to you, and that’s chill.” 

“But it’s not like I don’t find them, you, attractive, I swear,” he stood up in front of Isak and ducked down, trying to look him in the eyes again. “I never wanted to lead you on.” 

“Don’t worry,” Isak looked back at him, taking his face carefully in his hands, “I’m not mad. I get all of this is confusing and you’re right. We have a connection, and I want to be your friend. At the very least, we’re going to be friends. But I guess it’ll probably be the best for everyone if we just cool it.” 

Jonas nodded a little and Isak leaned in, pressing his lips to Jonas’s one last time. Or maybe the last time for now, he didn’t know what the future would bring, but for now this was the best they could do. He pulled back with a smile and let go of his face. 

“Sorry, I had to one last time,” Isak laughed and shook his head, cheeks heating up a little. 

“Any other things you want to do one last time?” 

“Ha-ha,” Isak rolled his eyes and stood up, pushing Jonas away. “You’re lucky you got that the first time. I don’t do that kind of shit for just anyone.”

“I’m honored,” Jonas laughed and jumped on his board, skating away and doing his weird fakie flippy trick again. “Wanna learn?”

“I might fail miserably,” Isak laughed and stood up, skating over to him. He was willing to learn, willing to try to be just friends with Jonas, willing to let him and Eva be happy together. He really did hurt, feeling a little like he wasn’t good enough, feeling like he was stupid for trying, feeling like he should have known from the start. But, he didn’t really want to be Jonas’s experiment. He was pretty sure that he wanted him in his life, though..and just like he had thought for Even, being his friend could be enough. 

Maybe he belonged in the Friend Zone. With everyone.

 

**~Saturday Evening~**

Things went pretty well after that. Isak had worried that the lingering tension would make things awkward, but once Jonas was showing him how to do new skate moves and they were skating together, things felt almost totally normal. Isak didn't know if Jonas was hurt at all, but if he was, he hid it as well as Isak was. Besides the light pang of heartache, everything seemed okay, they even went and got kebabs for dinner before parting ways. Close to Eskild’s place, Isak decided he’d stop by and tell him what happened. 

When he knocked on the door, Noora was the one who answered. “Oh, Isak, hi,” she was smiling a little awkwardly, “I was actually thinking you’d be Eva. What’s up?”

“Oh, I’m here for Eskild,” Isak peered around her, seeing that Vilde and Chris were there as well. Apparently he was interrupting a girl squad get together. “He’s here, right?”

“Yeah, yeah,” She nodded and opened the door wider, still smiling and trying to be inviting, “Of course. He’s in the common area. Eskild! Isak’s here!”

Isak smiled and waved at the girls awkwardly before heading past them to find Eskild. He was sitting on the couch with Linn, curled up in a blanket and eating popcorn, though it looked like he had thrown more in her hair than he probably had eaten. Isak had to wonder if he had actually thrown them at her or if he had been secretly dropping them on her head, because it looked like she made no effort to remove the kernels. 

“Isak!” Eskild smiled when he saw him, bouncing up and pushing Linn away. Some of the popcorn went flying and she let herself fall comfortably back, spreading herself over the entirety of the couch. 

“Sorry if I’m interrupting,” Isak looked at him and shoved his hands in his pockets, “I was in the neighborhood and I thought we could talk a little?”

“Always!” Eskild clapped his hands together, “do you want tea or something? I make a mean tea. Oh but the girls are out in the kitchen, aren’t they? Are you lot speaking yet?”

“Maybe once I let Eva know that I ended things with Jonas?” 

“Isak!” Eskild hugged him, putting his hand on the back of his head and pulling it into his chest, “Do you need a hug? Too late I’m giving you a hug. How do you feel? Better? Worse? Ugh, I am here for you, whatever it is. What does this mean for you and y’know?” 

“I’m fine, kinda” Isak shrugged him off, pulling his hands out of his pockets and looking at Eskild when he pulled away. There was no point in lying to him about anything at this point, Isak was going to end up spilling his guts sooner or later for some reason. “It kind of sucks, but I think it’s for the best. As for the rest, I guess we’ll find out in time.” 

“Oh Issy, see you’re already maturing,” Eskild wrapped an arm around him and began leading him out into the kitchen, “I am going to make you some celebratory tea, and don’t worry, if any of the big bad girls want to hurt you I’ll protect you.”

*  
Even had officially spent more than twenty-four hours straight with Sonja. They went to the museum and she let him go on and on. _And on._ At one point, he was pretty sure she wasn’t even paying attention. He looked over at her and said “actually, the artist’s biggest influence were nuclear bombs. He liked them so much, he wanted to make pictures that could kill in that same way, like literally kill. Thus the nuclear painting was born.”

She just smiled and looked at it and said, “I can totally see it.” Now, maybe she was paying attention but if she was, she was definitely not too bright. To be able to look at a painting of scenery with bright colors and flowers strewn about and actually agree that it was influenced by nuclear bombs? That there was anything about death within the painting was completely absurd. He half hoped she’d play back, say something about how it was so beautiful, it could kill. Or maybe ask him if they should be running in the other direction. But nope. Nothing.

He threw in a couple other random facts here and there. Things about the artist who only painted famous _trees,_ the artist who had a metal leg and would only paint for people who helped further aluminum technology, things that Isak may have fallen for to begin with, but would have eventually called him on. They would have laughed and teased each other and Isak would have begged for the real story. _Isak_ would have truly wanted to know anything Even already knew. He would want to be inside of his head, helping turn the gears. 

But, Sonja was not like that. She just kind of didn’t care as much. She just let him talk and talk and talk. It worried him that he was actually able to talk this much without feeling some sort of release. He wished he was being interacted with, he wanted to be heard the more that he talked. With every minute that passed, every time that he opened his mouth, he hoped she would finally say something back. He wished for banter, for a fight, for anything. 

It was driving him insane, he’d just go from painting to sculpture to portrait, making up fake fact after fake fact. Then, he couldn’t even sit through the movie, he was too antsy. He couldn’t help but continue to wish that he was there with Isak, instead. Isak would have been great company. Isak would have picked a good movie. One he could sit through.

He ended up pulling Sonja out of the movie and bouncing with her around town, showing her his favorite spots and things that generally made him happy. Thoughts that entertained him. 

“That bridge, right there,” Even pointed, and made sure that she was looking too before going on, “I want to jump from it. I bet it would be so much fun. It’s so high up, can you imagine falling for that long? Feeling like you were flying?”

“Oh yeah?” Sonja laughed and then looked at him, realizing that he was serious. Her eyebrows furrowed together, “Wait, you’re not actually being serious?” 

“Fuck yeah!” Even grabbed her hand, “why, you want to do it right now?” 

“Do you want to kill yourself?” Sonja shook her head and started pulling him in another direction. 

“There’s a river below! It’ll be fine!” Even said, laughing and letting her pull him away, anyway. “Oh come on, you’re no fun. We could strip down, jump, and then fuck in the water? Imagine that? Oh man, that’s my new fantasy.”  
*

Eva had shown up with Sana in the middle of Isak sipping tea at the table with Eskild and the rest of the girls. Eva had told them about Isak and Jonas, but it seemed like that was all they knew, that she didn’t actually say anything to them about Even. He was going to have to thank her for that. She was angry with him but still kept his secret. That was something, at least.

“So are you two like a thing now, then?” Vilde asked, pointing between Eskild and Isak. The two boys made a disgusted face at each other, scrunching up and shaking their heads in disgust. The girls laughed, then Eva was in the room, eyes zeroing in on Isak as Sana took the last seat at the table. But, Vilde spoke up before she could say anything mean, “Eva! Wonderful news! Isak ended things with Jonas! Phew, right? I mean, imagine a guy leaving you for another guy? I would literally die.” 

“Oh Vilde, Vilde, Vilde,” Eskild shook his head and looked at her sadly, “it’s 2016 and you’re still thinking that way? Poor thing, you still have so much to learn.”

Everyone else burst out into laughter but Isak just looked up at Eva who was looking back at him. Her scowl had turned into something else. Hurt, confusion, upset, something along those lines. Isak wanted to tell her not to worry, that he wasn’t hurt. But, that wouldn’t be the full truth, would it? 

“Sorry, I didn’t realize that was...sorry, Vilde blushed and shook her head, making sure to direct her sorrys at Eskild and Isak, as if they had been offended. “The point is that everything is okay again. We don’t have to worry about a squad war over Jonas. I mean, come on! You guys, Jonas isn’t even the hottest guy in the group!” 

“We can’t really take your word for it, Vilde, because you think it’s Magnus,” Isak joked, feeling a little bad about dissing his friend while he wasn’t around, but feeling good when the girls laughed at him and told her he had a point. 

“I think Even is the hottest in your little squad,” Eskild said, batting his eyelashes and putting his hands over his heart, “What I wouldn’t do to run my hands through that James Dean hair? Ugh.” Isak couldn't help but smile at that. He _had_ run his hands through that hair, and it really was wonderful.

“I’ll second that,” Noora said with a shrug, pulling Eva down into her lap so she had a place to sit while they chatted.

“Third, I guess,” Sana said nonchalantly, seeming as though she really didn’t care about his looks at all. He hung out with her brother enough that she probably saw him in that light. Probably.

“Awh, but Isak!” Chris said, pouting and then making a kissy face at Isak, “Even’s cute don’t get me wrong but look at Isak’s dimples and that cute squishy nose! Definitely the hottest of the lot.” 

“Thank you Chris, I’m flattered,” Isak smiled and chuckled a little, suddenly realizing the meaning behind all of her seductive spoon sucking over the years. It was a little creepy back then, but at least it was all up front now, and she knew he was gay. As in he could never be into her, no matter how well she sucked that spoon. 

“Still, sounds like Even wins,” Eva said, finally speaking up. “But my vote would be Jonas. Was your vote really for Magnus, Vilde?”

“He’s sweet!” 

*  
Sonja managed to pull Even back to their suite, going up the elevator as he went on and on. He could tell she was getting annoyed, but he couldn’t really bring himself to care. At least if she was getting annoyed, there was a chance of her actually saying something worth saying. They might actually have a conversation worth having. 

Or maybe not.

Instead of saying anything, she pushing him to the bed, telling him to get undressed and undressing herself. Apparently they were back on the physical aspect. Even didn’t mind, really and watching her strip was already a turn on. Her agility and stamina was definitely helping him work on his own, he thought maybe he was becoming some sort of sex god. She couldn’t get enough of him and he definitely wasn’t going to say no. 

He didn’t even know how many times they fucked in the past day, but he didn’t even care. He should have. It wasn’t him not to care. He knew that, but he couldn’t stop himself. As terrible as they seemed to fit personality-wise, they had a physical attraction that was literally out of this world. It was the opposite he had with Mikael. Sure, they had great sex but it wasn’t like sex with Sonja. And talking to Sonja definitely wasn’t like talking to Mikael. 

He wished he knew what Isak was like in bed. He dreamed about it a few times, and even at that moment he found himself wanting to be there with Isak, undressing him and fucking him over the top of the world. The noises he might make, the way he would look into Even’s eyes. Yeah, he wanted it. He always wanted it.  
*

Isak still hadn’t officially said anything to Eva, or vice versa. He wanted to apologize, he really did, but part of him said that she needed to apologize too. He knew she’d been hurt but she said some pretty hurtful things, too. He wasn’t sure which of them should apologize first, so instead he just hung out with Eskild and the girls and talked in the group. 

It seemed fine enough. 

The girls gossiped and sipped vodka, making faces then following it up with some pop. Isak took a sip every now and then, but he didn’t really feel like getting drunk. He was too afraid that he’d get too loose and spill himself all over these girls who definitely could not keep their mouths shut. 

“Okay, I think we should paint nails now!” Vilde squealed and then got up, grabbing a bag and spilling a ton of nail polish out onto the floor. Isak watched it tumble out and couldn’t help but realize how quickly he was becoming one of the girls. He made a face and inched back, as if the nail polish was contagious. 

“I think I’ll pass on that one,” He laughed lightly, watching the girls and Eskild reach for colors, checking them out and either discarding them or keeping them for themselves. 

“Isak,” Eskild clicked his tongue a couple times and looked at him knowingly, “this is not the time for a masculinity complex. You can have your nails painted and still be a boy. We can even take it off before you leave. Just let yourself have fun. You just went through a breakup, so sit back and let us treat you.”

“This green would be perfect for you,” Eva said, picking up an emerald green and shaking it a little. She gave him a smile and move closer to Isak, “it’ll really bring out your eyes. I’ll do it for you.”

Isak felt a little nervous, as if this was some form of sabotage, but he found himself nodding, anyway. “Sure,” he said gently, offering her his left hand with a small smile, which she returned before opening up the bottle and gently taking Isak’s hand, beginning to apply the shiny green to Isak’s nails.

*  
As always, the sex was great but Even just couldn’t be satiated. It was like everything he didn’t get out of the day was being translated into the sex. It made sense, didn’t it? It was more _him_ not to feel as satisfied when there wasn’t that click. It wasn’t like he found her any less attractive, physically, anyway, and it wasn’t like they were doing anything different. Or, the different things weren’t amazing. But, it was like when they were done, he craved more, more, more. Something better.

“Alright, Even, that’s enough,” Sonja was pushing him away. He was marking up her neck pretty good. He couldn’t help but think her skin was too fair, too tame, in need of a couple bruises, some _creativity_ would do her some good. 

“Alright, fine, but we need some food,” Even shot up, “I’ll go somewhere and get it, we’ll recharge and get back to it, yeah?”

“No need to go anywhere, I’ll order room service,” Sonja said, grabbing his hand and pulling him back down to the bed. “Even, is something up with you? You’re acting a little..well, crazy.”

“Crazy?” Even raised his eyebrows, looking at her incredulously, “what? You think I’m crazy now? Well, crazy is better than being ridiculously boring, Sonja! You literally walk around say nothing, do nothing, all you want from me is sex, sex, sex. We’re only fun when we’re naked! That's why we need to jump from that bridge!”

“What are you talking about?” Sonja asked, her face kind of hurt, her voice kind of raised. Even was yelling, wasn’t he? “I thought we were having a good time! I thought you liked talking about your art and watching movies and, yes, _sex_! But you just go and go and go, Even. Why?”

“Because, I’m crazy, Sonja!” Even groaned and before he knew it, he was standing back up in the middle of the room. He spun and spun around, feeling a little claustrophobic. He didn’t want to be in that room anymore, he didn’t want to be in that hotel anymore. He needed to get out, he wanted to go somewhere he was drawn to, needed to get himself as far away from Sonja and that place as possible.  
*

Somehow, on top of the the shiny, green color, the girls talked Isak into sparkles as well. They promised that they would take it off for him by the end of the night, but to just enjoy it while it lasted. He was looking at it, and he supposed it really didn’t look that bad, didn’t make him feel anything, which was better than it making him feel girly. 

Baby steps, he supposed. 

He knew he was still going to have to talk to Eva, make sure everything really was okay between the two. But, for now he was fine cutting loose and having a good time. He was letting himself forget about what he thought him and Jonas could have been, what maybe he and Even could become and just had fun. 

He didn’t know the last time he actually let himself cut loose like this. He partied with the boys all the time, sat back and watched movies with Even at least twice a week, but he never actually felt that free of his fears. Fears about what people might think about him, fears about Even, fears about his parents, they were just distant enough from the moment that he truly let himself be himself. 

“Who knew Isak could be so fun,” Vilde giggled and bumped him with her hip while they danced. 

“Meet Gay Isak,” Eskild said, gesturing to Isak and bumping his other hip. “Less grumpy, more fun. More talkative, too.”

“Hey, I’ve always been Gay Isak, thank you,” He checked Eskild back with his hip, but harder, sending him bouncing away into Chris. They all laughed, and Isak stopped dancing, laughing and taking Eskild’s hand before he fell to the floor.

“Out of the closet Isak, then,” Eskild gave him a look and smiled, “but I take back the less grumpy thing.”

“Good, I like being grumpy,” Isak shot back, sticking out his tongue at Eskild and spinning around once. Out of the closet. Yeah, he supposed he was finally out of the closet. Maybe that's why he felt so free.

“Isak, your phone is going off, It’s Ev-en,” Eva said, picking it up off the coffee table and wiggling the lit-up screen at him. Isak gave her a look that said _play it cool_ but she just smiled and shrugged, “I’ll get it, then!” 

Isak quickly jumped at her, reaching for it. But she jumped just as quickly, up onto the couch and out of reach of him. She answered it and put it up to her ear, “Helllloo, Even, it’s Evaaaa,” she sang into the line with a smile on her face. She paused and listened to the other end, Isak watching her as he smile faltered and she looked down at Isak, “oh no, here, here, talk to Isak.”

Eva handed him the phone and mouthed the word “Sonja.” Isak’s heart fell to his stomach. A lot of fears were suddenly coming straight for him. Hitting him like a truck. Did she have another thing to say to him about how she knew what he was doing? What did she think he was doing? Why was she calling from Even’s phone? Someone turned down the music as he put the phone to his ear, petrified. 

“Sonja?”

“Even left, I don’t know where he went,” Sonja breathed into a slur over the phone. Isak could hear cars in the background, she was somewhere in the streets, looking for him, “we were fighting and I went to the bathroom and when I came back he was just gone. Left everything, didn’t even put any clothes on. Isak, what is wrong with him?!”

“Christ,” Isak said, taking a deep breath and running his hand through his hair. This wasn’t good. She sent him over the edge, he really was in the middle of an episode, now in the middle of Oslo, naked in the streets. This wasn’t okay. “Okay, okay, thanks for letting me know. Keep looking for him, I’m going to call his parents, the police. Did he say anything about where he might go? He likes creative places, parks? Literally anything, did he say anything?”

“I-I don’t know! He wanted food,” Sonja said, she sounded a little out of breath, “but he also talked about a bridge. I-I don’t know, I can go there and see.”

“A bridge??”

“He wanted to jump, naked, I don’t know, he’s fucking crazy,” she said quickly, “he’d kill himself!”

“Fuck, fuck, okay,” Isak was quickly scrambling for his shoes, putting them on and making sure he had everything. “Do you know where about? Can you send me an address or something? Can you go there?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll do all of that,” Sonja said, and Isak could tell that she felt bad, to blame. Willing to do anything to make amends. _Good_. 

“Okay,” Isak said quietly before whispering “he’s not insane,” and hanging up the phone. 

Everyone in the room was looking at him, and he must’ve have looked as scared as he felt, because they all looked completely worried. His mind was racing. There was so much he needed to do. He needed to call his parents, get their help. Maybe they could call the police, let them know what was going on, have them on the lookout for him before he hurt anyone or himself. He had to go to this bridge, hopefully catch Even before he did something stupid. 

“Eskild, do you have a shirt and sweatpants I can borrow?” Eskild nodded and quickly headed into his room. Isak picked up the phone again, calling Josefine and telling her the whole story Sonja gave him—even the part about the bridge, but not about wanting to jump. She worried more than anyone, he didn’t want her to worry that much because it would cloud judgement. He was worried enough for the both of them already.

Sonja sent an address to him that was near the bridge, and once Eskild was back with a shirt and sweats, Isak was running out the door.

“Wait, Isak!” Eskild was running after him, “do you need a ride? I can drive.”

“A-are… weren’t you drinking?”

“No, now come on,” he grabbed Isak’s hand and was pulling him towards his car, opening the door for him then running around to the drivers side. He didn’t have specifics, but he was jumping to help. For Isak, for Even, for some reason. Isak would forever be thankful.

Isak pulled up directions on his phone and Eskild was booking it through the streets. Isak’s heart was pounding. He wished he could call Even, get through to him, tell him to find a safe place to wait for them. But, he couldn’t. Sonja had his phone. Fucking Sonja. If anything happened to Even, Isak would literally push her off that bridge. _Fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her._

They pulled up to the intersection that Sonja had given them ten minutes later, though it felt like ten hours in all his worry. He’d basically been shouting directions at Eskild, worried that one wrong turn would make them too late. He jumped out of the car with the clothes and ran to the top of the bridge. He could see someone there from a distance, and he felt a surge of hopefulness bring him to sprint faster towards the figure. 

Unfortunately, it was Sonja. She was looking out over the edge, just fucking standing there. 

“What are you doing?!” Isak screamed, running to her and looking over the edge. What was she looking for? Even didn’t already jump, did he? Was she searching for the body?

“Isak!” She jumped and looked at him. “I don’t know, I don’t know what to do. Is anyone going to tell me what the hell is going on? What if he already jumped?” 

“He’s manic!” Isak cried, shoving her shoulder a little, “And you’re sitting there calling him insane, and saying he jumped but he didn’t already jump! He couldn’t have already jumped, he couldn’t have, please no.” Isak was sinking, tears coursing out of his eyes and down his face as he screamed and screamed. He couldn’t have jumped, he needed Even. He had just been feeling so good while his entire world might have completely fell, jumped into cold and shallow water to be taken by the current. 

“Isak, I..” Sonja said quietly, sinking down next him on the ground.

“Get the hell out of here! Go, we don’t need you!” Isak yelled, sobbing as he yanked the clothes out of Sonja’s hands. “Give me his phone!” 

She handed it over without another word as Isak’s phone started to ring. He dug into his pockets as fast as he could, ready to tell whoever it was that he needed to be left alone. He didn’t even look at the number before he answered it with a broken hello.

“Isak, it's okay, he’s okay,” Even’s Dad was saying on the other line, “the police have him, we’re going to get him right now. Do you need a ride home?”

Isak didn’t think there was a breath of relief big enough. He couldn't lose Even. Especially not before he told him how he really felt. And, after that he literally wanted to hold him forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was a little difficult to write, so I hope that it was okay and that it's working out well.  
> There's still more to come with the Josak stuff. Still more to come with the Eva argument.  
> But uh yeah, I hope you enjoyed and continue to leave kudos and comments.


	5. Right Place, Right Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took me longer to write for a number of reasons. Even's POV between *'s again. Also a trigger warning would be dark, slightly suicidal thoughts. Another trigger warning would be that this is The Chapter.  
> 

**~Sunday Morning~**

For most of the night, Isak stayed up with Even. Sometimes, his parents would put some sleeping pills in some tea or something, but Isak decided that he was okay with staying up with him. And everyone preferred someone keeping and eye on him over tricking and drugging him. Every now and then, Isak would lay down and try to get Even to lay with him, but mostly he was up and about, jumping from drawing to listening to music loudly, to just talking and talking and talking about a lot of things Isak didn’t understand. Even’s mind was a whirlwind. Sometimes the thoughts he had were so profound, but sometimes they wouldn’t have an ending or a feasible point. But Isak tried to follow, to keep himself there with Even, maybe not inside his head, but in a cozy place next door where he could listen and stay without intruding. 

Around six in the morning, Even finally laid down next to Isak, kissing his neck a few times before passing out almost suddenly. Isak was exhausted, but he couldn’t bring himself to actually fall asleep. He was still reeling. Even if it were just for a few minutes, Isak felt like he had really lost Even, his best friend, the man he loved more than anyone on the planet. And he just couldn’t stop thinking about the ‘what if’ of it all. He couldn’t let something like that happen again, he had to find a way to be around Even through all of it, no matter what. 

He just didn’t know how. 

He had thought he knew for the longest time. Thought that all of the mania and depression was under control, that they had figured out how to handle. But, apparently, he couldn’t do that, couldn’t make sure everything ran as perfectly as it should for Even. He was still a risk, a risk of hurting himself and others. His disorder wasn’t something that was easily controlled, if controlled at all. 

Isak hated thinking about him like that. But he festered in it all night long, watching Even bounce around, dance, trying to keep up conversations with him through all of his worry and exhaustion. And, once Even was asleep, it got even worse. The scary voices in his head were nagging, told him he wouldn’t be enough for Even. He hadn’t ever been enough for Even and that’s why they were where they were. Best friends just on the outside of each other’s minds. He’d watch him sleep and play with his hair and just worry. His thoughts going on and on, in directions he’d hate to think about. 

After Even had been asleep for a few hours, Isak left him to go take a shower and clear his mind. On his way to the bathroom, he overheard Even’s parents talking amongst themselves. Josefine and Martin were sitting in the kitchen, talking quietly over coffee. About Even. Isak couldn’t help himself from intruding. 

“Morning,” he said quietly as he walking, interrupting and walking over to the table. He leaned up against the back of a chair and looked at the two of them. “Talking about last night?”

Isak probably shouldn’t have interrupted his parents. After all, they were his parents and they had the right to be involved. But Isak also knew Even more than anyone, knew that one overstep from his parents would give Even the leverage to leave. To move out. No one wanted that, and as much as Isak would love to move somewhere _with_ him, he couldn’t afford it. 

“Morning, Isak,” Martin said with a small smile, “yeah. It’s a little unsettling, don’t you think? What do you know about this _Sonja_ , anyway?”

“Not much,” Isak said truthfully, shrugging his shoulders. He did know that Even thought she was great in bed. But, he wouldn’t say that, “She’s uh, Even’s age, I’m pretty sure. Graduated Nissen last year. I think she’s taken this year off? They met a while ago, while he was with Mikael, had a class together, maybe? But, they never really talked until recently.”

Both of his parents nodded and looked at each other, as if exchanging mental notes. Isak coughed a little and looked around. 

“I’m not sure if she’ll be around much anymore, anyway,” he looked down at his hands, clenching the back of the chair he was standing behind, nail polish still glossed across his nails. “She seemed a little...off put, I guess. I mean, not just about… everything, but about the disorder in general. I don’t know. She said they had been fighting before he left, too, so.” He coughed a little more, always feeling awkward talking about Even’s personal life without him. He felt like he was betraying him in some way, even if the conversation would be helpful to him in the long run. 

“Well, then that’s probably for the best,” Josefine sighed and rubbed her face a little, “do you think she triggered it?” 

“No,” Isak said honestly again. As far as he knew, they had been completely fine up until the night before. Even hadn’t said anything about her overstepping or becoming too much for him. As far as Isak knew, there really wasn’t a clear trigger this time. “I don’t know what triggered it. He’s been a little off for a couple days, maybe all week, I don’t know.”

“I wish he’d just take the medication,” Josefine shook her head and sipped her coffee, with a look of forlorn. 

“It’s not _that_ bad, you know,” Isak said calmly. To him, it had felt bad, like, the worst possible thing that could happen might’ve happened. But, he wanted to actually talk to Even about the idea of jumping from that bridge before he jumped the gun in telling his parents about it. Even hadn’t even gone to the bridge, the police found him in the middle of a park, laying in the grass and talking to the stars. Well, they said he was talking to himself, but Even had told him otherwise. Had told him he could see a story written in the stars. He didn’t share the story, but Isak believed him. He didn’t have voices in his head—Isak knew what that looked like from his mother and it wasn’t that—he just had an active imagination. 

“He was out in the streets, _naked_ Isak,” Josefine gave him a pointed look, as if Isak wasn’t seeing the severity of the situation. She really was a kind women, making breakfast and dinner for the family, working hard to make sure that everyone was always happy. She just got stressed from Even’s episodes. Isak understood the feeling, not being able to control something that completely took over someone you loved. “He could’ve gotten jumped, killed, who even knows.”

“But he didn’t, Josefine,” Martin interrupted calmly, taking her hand in both of his and squeezing it. A neutral party so the she wouldn’t get aggravated with Isak’s apparent calmness. “How about you Isak. Are you okay? Not to be rude but you look exhausted.”

“I’m fine,” Isak nodded a little and ran his hand through his hair, “Even’s sleeping, though. So I was going to take a shower and maybe catch a nap of my own. He was up all night. I don’t know how long he’ll sleep, though.”

“We can keep an eye on him,” Martin gave him a small smile, “thank you for your help, son.” 

Isak gave a weak smile and turned on his heel, heading to the hall closet to grab a towel before going to the bathroom. Even’s little sister had been at a friends house the night before, which had been a lucky break, but Isak knew she’d’ know what was going on when she got back. She was nine and had witnessed enough of Even’s episodes to know the signs. Hell, the tension in the house would probably be palpable the moment she walked through the door. As he passed her room, he looked inside briefly. She was an artist, like Even, and she drew a lot, colored a lot, pictures she drew hung up all over her walls. Some of their family, some even including Isak.

She played the piano, too. Some sheet music and drawings Even gave her were taped off the side of her little Yamaha keyboard she would sometimes practice on. She wanted Even to teach her the guitar but he told her it’d be cooler if they knew different instruments. Isak secretly wondered if it was because he was worried about being upstaged by her. She was pretty talented.

He walked to the bathroom, wondering what Ana would do for Even this time. Most of the time, she was a regular pain and their asses, always trying to find ways to get them in trouble. She’d try to overhear their conversations, bust them for smoking or drinking in the house, or basically anything that would make her the _favorite_ child. But, when Even had an episode, he’d get depressed for a while, and she’d do things like draw pictures for him, write little jingles to sing to him, or even write little stories—also accompanied by her drawings—to share with him. 

She could be cool when she wanted to.

Isak showered and tried to keep his mind at bay. Remembering that he should probably call Eskild, that he had a pile of homework, and an exam on Tuesday did a pretty good job of that. He let the water rain down on him soothingly and let his mind be anywhere than what would really stress him. The shower loosened him up enough to actually feel tired and he passed out without even getting dressed when he got back to his room.

 

**~Sunday Afternoon~**

Isak slept from about 10:00 to 14:00, getting up with a jolt and feeling a little disoriented. He was happy to see the sunlight through his window, didn’t want to sleep through the day. He had too much to do. He got up, threw on some sweats and peaked his head into Even’s room. Still asleep, so he called Eskild from his own room, telling him that he was okay and that Even was okay and thanking him probably a hundred times before hanging up. 

After Martin had called him the night before with the good news, Isak was still breaking down. Sonja had stayed, even though he told her to go, multiple times. Eskild had been the one who finally got him up off the ground, holding all of his weight as he pulled him up. Isak could barely talk through his tears—they were mostly of relief but he was still so stunned from what had happened, what he had thought had happened—so Sonja relayed that Even was alright, and Eskild told her she could go, being much more polite than Isak had been.

She finally did leave and Eskild guided Isak back to his car, telling him that he’d take him anywhere he wanted. That, if he needed to, he could stay with him at his place. But, Isak just wanted to go home, wanted to see Even. Wanted to really see him and see him be okay—if only physically. Eskild helped him calm down during the car ride, reminding him that Even probably wouldn’t want to see him this torn up right then. Reminded him the Even was okay and that everything was going to be okay. Hugged him close outside the Bech Næsheim's before Isak went inside with the promise of giving him updates. 

Even probably deserved a guy like Eskild rather than one like Isak. Eskild was just purely good. Just someone who helped without ever wanting help in return. 

After the phone call, Isak got together his schoolwork and went into Even’s room, occupying his desk to do his work. So that he could be there if he woke up. 

He had actually expected him to wake up much sooner. During his manic episodes, Even never really slept for longer than three hours. And three hours was on a good day. He suspected that the reason he hadn’t gotten up yet was because he crashed, making it one of the shorter episodes he’d had. Hopefully the next stage would be short too. Isak hated seeing him depressed. 

*  
Coming down from an episode was worse than any hangover Even had ever had. Of that, he was sure. It didn’t matter how long the high lasted, or how far up into the mania he got, the low was always _too low._

Every move he’d make would have his insides rattling against the shell he had become. After a while, the insides would melt away with a searing pain and he’d become just as hollow as he felt, agony left in the empty spaces inside. Just a shell of hurt that he felt from his head to his toes. Painful, threatening, leading thoughts and and limbs that would scream if he moved. When he felt like this, he’d rather be numb.

But, when the numbness would come, he’d quietly wish for the pain. Feeling nothing made him more afraid than feeling like his entire body was attacking him. And, he knew it would come. Maybe in the middle of the night, maybe the next day, maybe the next. It always came, it always would.

Isak was in the room. He could smell him, freshly showered. The smell was strong. Too strong and yet just homely enough to make him confused. He was on his laptop. Typing up an assignment or something, always studious. But the typing was _too loud_. And, even though it was making his head head ache, Even just watched from his side on his bed, smelling, staring, and listening. If he spoke, the muscles would ache when they moved. He was hurting, but he was smart enough to know what not to do.

So he stopped his breathing and tried to focus on inside himself instead. He’d become a master at holding his breath because this was one of his tactics. He would hold it and listen for the beating of his heart, making sure it still actually was beating. And, after holding his breath for long enough, his ears would ring and that would be all he heard. Sometimes he challenged himself to keep holding. Maybe he’d pass out, then he wouldn’t have to focus on trying to go back to sleep. Because sleep was the only thing he wanted.

Well, maybe something else, too. But sleeping was the cousin of death. So it would do.  
*

Isak knew that Even didn’t know that Isak knew his tricks. Well he knew, Isak bragged about it often, never telling him what he knew. He knew that Even didn’t know that Isak would focus in on the sounds of Even’s breathing. That he would know when it stopped. That he knew when he was awake, and that he knew when he had drifted back off. 

Every time Even was like this and Isak was in the room, he counted. Sometimes Even would hold his breath so long that Isak could feel his heart beating out of his chest. He knew he had to focus on pretending he wasn’t paying attention, but it took everything in him not to get up and rush over to him, make sure he wasn’t hurting himself. Make sure he hadn’t gone cold. He’d hold back his sigh of relief whenever he heard Even’s next breath.

Every time Even’s deep breath of sleep came back, Isak would get up, walk over to him and gently run his fingers through his hair. He’d look so peaceful. But, Isak knew he was troubled, knew that his mind was eating him alive. Isak wished he could save him.

 

**~Sunday Night~**

After he was done with his assignments, Isak moved to sit on the floor next to Even’s bed. He would study quietly and not disturb him, even though Josefine or Martin would come in every now and then to wake him, give him some water and ask if he was hungry. The answer was always no, not hungry. He just wanted to sleep. He’d set the water aside and not drink it until he woke up on his own an hour or so later.

Isak knew the importance of food and water, but he also felt bad for Even. The constant interruptions when he really just wanted to sleep must have been torture. They could probably just leave the water and the peach slices by his bed and he would get to it. The water anyway. Isak had never seen Even eat a thing on the first Down Day of Even’s episodes. The only thing he’d ever really see him do on the first day was drink water and sleep. Maybe say a word. Maybe two.

Around 22:00, Isak crawled into bed with him. He wouldn’t touch him, not unless Even asked, and then he would hold him. But he was fine just sleeping there next to him, being able to feel if he moved in the middle of the night. 

“Isak, please,” he heard Even mumble as soon as he found himself getting comfortable. Even slowly—literally in slow motion—rolled to look at him. “You don’t have to do this every time.”

“Oh,” Isak was surprised he was even talking. His lips barely moved, his words almost too mumbled to understand, but he hung on, paid attention. “I want to.”

“But I can feel it, you know,” Even said, this time speaking a little clearer, “I can feel you feeling bad for me. I can’t stand it.”

“Are you going to stop me?” Isak knew it was an unfair question. Even didn’t have enough energy to make him leave. He probably wouldn’t even tell him to go because he’d feel worse if he did. It wasn’t fair, but Isak didn’t think it was fair for Even to think he wouldn’t want to be there for him in the ways that he could. 

“No,” Even said quietly and looked down, pulling the blanket back up to his chin and taking a few shallow breaths. “I know you want to talk. I heard the voicemail. But, I don’t want to hear about Jonas or—”

“Hey, shh,” Isak stopped him and then helped tuck him more into the blankets, pressing them into his sides with a small smile, “we can talk any time. I just want you to sleep for now. Sleep and don’t worry about that."

 

**~Monday Afternoon~**

Isak left him early in the morning for school. He had asked repeatedly if Even wanted him to say, but Even stayed firm on his answer: no. Isak needed to go to school, and Even wasn’t going to hold him back. It was a double-edged sword. He partially really wanted Isak gone. Didn’t want to be plagued with his smell, the sound of his breathing, or the feeling of his eyes on him. But, part of him felt so much better when he was there, beside him. The thoughts wouldn’t stop, the aching wouldn’t stop, but his comfort levels were higher in a way he couldn’t explain.

He felt less alone with Isak. 

His Mom stayed home and he slept for the most part, spending some time staring at his ceiling. She would come in and out the way she always did, bringing him water, crackers, and sliced peaches because she knew they were his favorite. As if that would help. 

A couple of times, she made him sit up, made him talk to her. As much as his mind and body protested, it was the least he could do. She worried, he knew she did, and he hadn’t been a great son. He hadn’t been a great anything. He hadn’t even been great to himself. He should have been over denying his own feelings, denying what he knew about himself. It was just that accepting he was manic meant accepting that people were going to treat him differently, that everyone would become fake.

He knew they were only trying to make things easier for him. But it sucked. 

And so even though he felt like complete shit. Like nothing in the world mattered and that he could give up without a second thought. He had to try to not be the shitty person he was being to the people he cared about. He talked to his mom, in small bits, as much as he could until he was too annoyed by her pushing, by all of the questions. Until his head was aching and his lips were sore from exercising the tired muscles.

Then he’d just fall back asleep. 

When his sister got out of school that afternoon, his mom stopped in again, saying she’d be right back and to call if he needed anything. She sounded worried. He supposed she was just lucky that he didn’t have energy to get out of bed. He just held his breath and focused on the ringing in his ears until he fell asleep again.

When he woke up again, Ana was sitting on the floor next to him, colored pencils strewn out across the floor as she colored into a notebook. The sound that had woken him was her sharpening the blue pencil, and he watched her quietly from where he was lying until she noticed him and gave him a small smile. 

“Mom said I could color in here,” she said with a shrug, setting down the blue pencil and picking up a green one. 

“‘Cause she needed someone to watch me?” Even said, knowing he was quiet, and that his tone might be harsh, but he didn’t need his little sister watching out for him.

“It was my idea,” she looked down at her picture and then up at him. “You always let Isak do things in here while you sleep. Mom said he was in here all yesterday doing his homework and studying and I _know_ he even slept in here.” 

“How do you know that?” He didn’t care. So what if Isak slept in his bed? They slept in each others' beds all the time. It wasn’t a secret. Maybe the frequency of it was a secret. But it wasn’t like it was anything. Just sleeping. 

“I got some water and thought I’d check in on you and you two were asleep,” She told him as she scribbled the green furiously into the paper. The sound irritated his ears more than it was irritating him to talk to her and hear about his sister—who was ten years younger than him—trying to take care of him. “He even had his arm around you.” 

Even let out a little groan and turned over, not caring how much his body protested, he was done with this conversation. He remembered Isak holding him after he had fallen asleep the night before. Even hadn’t minded for too long, but then it was too much, the touch stinging his empty shell because he knew how it usually felt to be touched by Isak. It was usually electric, pulsing, warm and comforting. But it wasn’t then, and he shook him off, feeling Isak roll over to the other side of the bed as he tried to fall back to sleep. 

“Get out,” Even said in his quiet but harsh tone again. “And stop trying to take care of me.”

“Want to see my picture first?”

“No,” the easiest word to use, the one that didn’t pain his lips so much slipped right off of his tongue with ease. He was going to go back to sleep. 

“Why do you like him more than me?” Ana asked, he could hear her gathering up her pencils from the floor. “Why do you let him help you? Why do you hate me, Even?”

“I don’t, don’t be a baby, Ana,” Even groaned a little and pulled the blanket up over his head. He was tired, her voice was hurting his ears, and her words were supposed to hurt. And, it’s not like they didn’t. He just didn’t need to hurt anymore. He didn’t need the thoughts about being a bad brother on top of everything else. The brother who made his kid sister take care of him then made her feel bad for it. 

“Yes you do!” She yelled as she slammed the door. He could hear the tears in her voice. All of it made him want to scream. Which, was admittedly the most he wanted to do since the day before. He groaned, finding himself getting up against his body’s pleas to tell him to stay put. Against the pleas of his mind that told him it was safer for everyone if he stayed in bed. 

“Wait,” he said quietly, padding over to the door and cursing under his breath at the pain as he opened it and called after her. “Ana, show me the picture. Please.”

 

**~Monday Evening~**

Isak went to the skatepark with the boys after school. News spread fast through their friend group about Even’s breakdown, and everyone was worried for the both of them. Isak made sure to let everyone know that he was okay, that he wasn’t the one to be worried about if anything. He told them not to worry in general, but he couldn’t lie that he knew Even was hurting right now. 

The boys still made him go with them to the skatepark, to help him lighten his mood. 

Jonas didn’t say much at all, all day. Which, was fine Isak guessed. It wasn’t the time for him to worry about that. He wasn’t going to talk to him alone about it, not yet. He wouldn’t trust himself to do that. So he just played like it was all okay, and had a good time with the boys despite it.

When he got home, he ate dinner with Even’s family, minus Even. His sister wouldn’t really look at him or talk to him, which he found weird, but thought maybe she was in a mood. She could get moody. After dinner, he went straight to Even’s room to do his homework. He was sleeping but Isak noticed something new taped up on his wall. Even’s wall was always changing with his favorite quotes, his own drawings, and pictures he’d taken. But this one was not one of his own. It was colorful, too colorful to be Even’s. Not as smooth as his drawings, more crude. Isak knew immediately it was one of Ana’s. He set down his things at Even’s desk and walked over to check it out.

It was Even, as far as Isak could tell. Blonde hair, blue eyes, long long legs. His face was half a smile and half a frown, one eyebrow pushed down angrily, one up in the middle of his forehead. Half of his clothes were all black, the other half of him was wearing a white t-shirt and tan pants. The sad side of Even was in the dark of night, moon and stars behind him like he was floating in the dark blue sky. The other half was in the daylight. The sun, blue skies, green, green grass underneath his foot. 

Isak smiled a bit. It was cute, maybe even deep for a nine-year-old. He wondered if Even was the one who hung it up or if Ana left it there for him to see. 

“She’s going to be better than me,” Even said quietly from his bed, almost making Isak jump before he turned around to look at him. “She’s smart.” 

“She is,” Isak said gently, giving him a smile. Even still looked kind of awful, sunken eyes and a permanent scowl on his face. Isak couldn’t tell if he was actually upset about Ana’s skills and smarts or if he just felt awful in general. But, Isak had to admit that Even seemed a little better. His voice was more clear, less mumbling. “How was your day?”

“Fine,” Even sighed a little and watched Isak walk over to the bed, sitting down next to him, “Annoying. Mom wouldn’t leave me alone. Then I woke up to Ana drawing _that_ and she accused me of liking you more.” 

“So that’s why she wouldn’t talk to me,” Isak nodded and laughed a little, reaching over and gently caressing his face. “What did you tell her?”

“That it was a different kind of love that I have for the two of you,” Even shrugged a little and took Isak’s hand away from his face. “But, anyway, I promised her she could sleep in here with me tonight.”

“Hmm, fine,” Isak watched Even’s eyes flicker. _A different kind of love._ He would try not to overthink it, but they were eventually going to have to have that talk Isak promised him. “Okay if I do my homework in here?”

“Yeah, but I’m going back to sleep so try not to type so loud,” Even said, and Isak swore he saw the ends of his lips twitch, almost a smile. Almost something. “Seriously I didn’t know anyone could type so loud.”

“I do not type loud,” Isak rolled his eyes and smiled, getting up and walking back over to Even’s desk. “I’m like, the quietest, fastest typer. The fucking master at quiet typing.”

“Shut up,” Even mumbled and when Isak looked back over, his eyes were closed again. He sighed a little to himself and sat down, digging out his things and deciding to do all of his paper homework before he did anything with his laptop. Just in case he actually did type loud. Which he really didn’t think was possible. 

 

**~Tuesday Lunch~**

Even kept his promise to Ana and let her sleep in his bed with him. Isak didn’t mind, it was fair. She _was_ his sister, and she was feeling like she didn’t measure up to Isak. Which was cute, in a way. But Isak didn’t want her to be jealous in a familial way, didn’t want Even to look at him in a familial way. And, so far, he was pretty sure Even agreed with him there, but he was worrying about how others might look at it. 

He didn’t really want to go to school, he wanted to climb into bed with Even and stay there. But he had too much to do, too much going on, an exam, so he had to go. 

He was the first at the lunch table sipping some pop and eating a sandwich, neither of which he was actually really tasting. He was basically eating out of habit as he thought about Even’s progression. He seemed to be getting better pretty fast, and soon they were going to have to have the talk he promised Even. He wasn’t even sure what he was going to say. Hadn’t even had the chance to tell him that he and Jonas were over. But, maybe that would be a leading start to the conversation they needed to have. 

“Hey, Isak,” Magnus swung around the edge of the table, plopping into his seat and acting like the coolest person in the world. Mahdi took his seat beside Mags at the same time. Isak reached out and did their little handshake, swallowing the bite of his sandwich he just took. 

“Hey boys,” he said boys like it had a hard z at the end, looking to Jonas and giving him a small smile as he took his seat next to him at the table. He didn’t know if he was sitting there so that the table would be seated evenly, but at least he was sitting next to him. Jonas smiled back and raised his eyebrows, tilting his head towards the boys. Confused on what he was hinting at, Isak turned back to Mahdi and Magnus, who were looking at him like they had something to say.

“So, Isak,” Magnus began, popping open a can of pop and looking at him, “word around the cesspool is you’re gay. People are saying they’ve seen you around with Noora’s roommate holding hands and shit. What’s his name? Eskild? Weird name.”

“And apparently,” Mahdi took over, “you were kissing some dude at the skatepark the other day. Like some gay player.”

“Oh,” Isak sat back and decided not to look at Jonas, not wanting to give anything away. “Yeah, I’m gay, and I mean, that doesn’t mean I’m into you guys or anything. Nor am I dating Eskild, but I may have kissed a boy at the skatepark.” He shrugged, trying to be nonchalant about it, though his heart was kind of pounding. It wasn’t that he thought the boys would reject him, obviously they were cool with Even. But, still it was kind of awkward, kind of unsettling to have to come out.

“I knew something was up with the nail polish,” Magnus snapped his fingers then reached for Isak’s hand. He kept forgetting it was there, but he really didn’t mind that the girls had never had the chance to take it off. Mostly because when he was bored in class, he would pick at it, some nails were almost officially chipped off, and others were more stubborn with little chips out of the edges.

“This was not my idea,” Isak shook his hand out of Magnus’s and looked at it for a moment. “The, uh, guy I kissed at the skatepark,” Isak swallowed a little, not sure this was an appropriate story to tell with Jonas literally _right beside him_ , “we were actually breaking up, kind of. It’s complicated but...anyway I went to see Eskild about it and the girls were there and next thing I knew, they were all over me about making me feel better and blah, blah, blah. They told me they’d take it off for me before I left. Then Even had his episode and now I’m stuck with sparkly nails.”

“Talking to _Eskild_ about your relationship issues and not us? Hva faen, man!” Magnus flew his hands up in the air and looked at Isak incredulously.

“Yeah, what do you think, we’re some kind of homophobes?” Mahdi added, looking at Isak more seriously than Magnus. Isak could tell they were both being their own forms of supportive, so he didn’t mind the questions and outbursts. He just smiled. 

“Sorry, guys,” Isak laughed and shook his head, “but I needed to ask someone who has actually _had_ relationships. That’s obviously not you.” 

“Buuuurn,” Jonas said, joining into the conversation with a laugh. Isak looked at him and gave him a high five as their laughter died down. They met eyes briefly, but it looked like Jonas was filled with questions. He probably was, but Isak was going to continue to ignore that stuff for now. As long as they were laughing and joking, things would be okay. 

So then that was it. Rumors were going around school and all his friends knew. He was out. He wasn’t sure where he stood on whether or not to tell Even’s parents, or if maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal. But, publicly, he was out and that was cool. One thing officially out of his mind and into the air.

 

**~Tuesday Afternoon~**

After school they all met at their usual table, minus Even. Isak and Eva showed up first, which was great for him.

“Hey, so I doubt we’ll be alone for long,” Isak said as he approached Eva at the table. “But maybe after this we could talk. It won’t take long or anything but, it’s kind of important to me that we do.”

“Oh, uh, sure,” Eva nodded a little and slid over on the bench, Isak sitting beside her. “How is Even?”

“Fine,” Isak nodded and looked down for a moment then back up at her. “You didn’t tell anyone, did you?”

“No, no, of course not,” Eva shook her head and gave him a small smile, “that’s not my information to tell. But, I think you should tell him. You know, eventually.”

“Hi guys!” Vilde said, bouncing up to the table with Noora at her side, “so good to see you guys talking! I hate it when boys break up friendships. And yours is so cool, such a unique friendship, I always wanted a gay bff.”

“Vilde!” Noora said, hitting her arm lightly, “What did Eskild say about it being 2016? Having a gay bff should not be a thing. Probably,” she scrunched up her nose and looked at Isak, shrugging as if to say she wasn’t actually sure. He wasn’t either. Just because he was gay, he wasn’t suddenly an expert on all of these things. So, he just shrugged back.

“So, to backpedal a little to the Jonas thing,” Isak bit his lip and looked around at the girls, “don’t say anything to Mahdi or Magnus. I’m not even sure Jonas would be okay with all of you girls knowing. I mean, I might have just been an experiment, I don’t know. But, whatever Jonas’s sexuality is, he’s like not out about it. I don’t think. I don’t know. Just don’t go spreading shit. He’s with Eva, that’s all that matters and needs to be discussed.”

“Yeah, sure,” Noora shrugged, “we’ll make sure Chris and Sana know, too. Don’t worry. Totally, totally chill. How’s Even?”

“Everyone is going to ask that, huh?” Isak rolled his eyes, “he’s fine. Hopefully it won’t be too long until he’s back. We should all just let everyone know as soon as they get here that he’s fine. No worries.”

The rest of the group came eventually, Isak prematurely telling everyone that Even was fine before they could ask. They were all good friends, obviously, but it was getting a little repetitive for him. Sana actually replied with a sassy “yeah, I know, I texted him.” Which was nice to know that someone was actually keeping up with Even himself, stead of just through Isak.

“So which of you did this to my boys nails?” Magnus grabbed Isak’s hand and showed it to the girls, who all gasped at the horrid state the nail polish was already in.

“It was me,” Eva shook her head and looked at the nails then at Isak, “Isak, what did you _do_ to them? This is awful.”

The boys laughed and the girls shook their heads at him. It felt like a pretty good, normal dynamic as they discussed the weekend plans and made sure everyone was on board with them. As everyone started filing out, Isak and Eva lingered, until they were just left with Mahdi, Magnus, and Jonas.

“Are you two staying here?” Magnus asked, looking between them as the three boys got up.

“Yeah, we need to talk,” Eva shrugged and flipped her hair, leaning over and kissing the hesitant-Jonas on the cheek, “I’ll text to you later.”

Isak held back an eyeroll, even though he wasn’t with Jonas anymore, the PDA hurt a little. He just smiled at the boys and waved goodbye, watching them walk away and making sure they were out of earshot before he turned to Eva.

“Eva, I’m really sorry that I didn’t think about you when things started going on with Jonas,” Isak finally blurted out, sighing a little, “I just never had a guy who was like, returning my affection and it was nice. You know?"

“Sure,” Eva nodded a little and looked down at Isak’s hands then back at him. “Truth be told, I felt totally awful when Vilde had said you ended things. Like here I was being a raging bitch, and you were just so nice and ended things for the sake of all of us. I mean, I know how a break up feels and I didn’t mean to...ick. This is getting too mushy. I’m just sorry, alright? For what I said and causing you pain.”

“It’s alright,” Isak nodded, just glad that she actually seemed sorry. He was worried that she wouldn’t think she had to be sorry, and he wasn’t going to take that. “That’s all then, I just didn’t want to leave all that in the air.”

“Me either, I’m glad we talked,” Eva smiled and hugged him. They hugged for a few moments, and then Eva gently spoke again, “Isak?”

“Yeah?” Isak asked and pulled away to look at her.

“I think part of me was mad because I used to have like, the biggest crush on you,” Eva said, laughing awkwardly, “like when you were with Ingrid and then for a while after that, honestly. So, I know this sounds awful, but it kind of felt like I was losing two guys that I liked to each other? And that kind of hurt.”

“Faen, Eva, I had no idea.”

*  
When Isak came home, Even was playing FIFA with Ana. Usually, he’d go easy on her, but today he was just kicking her ass. A little emotional boost. Why not? He needed it. He’d spent a lot of the previous day and through most of the morning completely numb. Empty and void of everything, yet somehow still alive.

But, Eskild visited, and it was a ray of sunshine he had not been expecting. No matter how down Even may have seemed, hell, he probably even smelled because he hadn’t showered in days, Eskild seemed like everything was perfectly normal. Perfectly natural, a perfectly real Eskild. He made him get out of bed and made him some tea and cheese toasties, then they just talked. Eskild could really go on, and that was probably the best of it.

With Eskild’s thoughts invading his head, he was finally getting out of his own. By the time Ana got home, he was feeling considerably better. He even left the two at the kitchen table while he showered. Ana showed him his drawings and he knew that Eskild would go on and talk and talk about all the little nuances of them.

After his shower, Eskild had stayed for a little while longer and then left Ana and Even to play video games together.

“Halla,” Isak walked into the living room on the two of them arguing out about if whether or not Even cheated.

“Halla,” Even said, laughing a little and looking up at Isak with a smile as he gently knocked his shoulder into Ana's. Isak looked good, standing there. Happy, even. Maybe Jonas was making him happy, and that was good for him.

“I know for sure that he’s a cheater, Ana,” Isak shrugged and started walking past, heading to his room. Even scoffed and jumped up, walking after him into his bedroom and deciding to tackle him to his bed. He was actually really tired from fighting all the numbness and socializing. He wouldn’t mind cuddling up in Isak’s bed and passing out there.

“Hey!” Isak said with a laugh as the both tumbled to the bed, “What was that for?”

“Calling me a cheater,” Even told him, obviously. He pinned him to the bed, hands over his head and smiled down at him. Actually smiled, “I mean, jeez Isak, who do you think I am?”

“I know your tricks, Even,” Isak shook his head and wrangled a hand free, reaching up and caressing his cheek. Isak always claimed to know so much about him, but would never give away all of the little things he thought he knew. Like the little nuances he knew about Even gave him some sort of upperhand. Except, wasn’t Even the one with the upperhand? He knew so many little things about Isak and he _never_ bragged about it. Isak had no idea.

“My _tricks,_ huh?” Even raised his eyebrows and moved to lay beside him. “I happen to know that you have tricks too, Isak...Did you send Eskild over here to check up on me?"

“What? Nei,” Isak shook his head, his mouth twitching as he held back a smile and his eyebrows pushing down in fake shock. “Eskild was here?”

“Holy fuck, you’re such a bad liar,” Even smirked, looking back at him and trying to hold back a laugh of his own.

“Huh?” Isak raised both his eyebrows, smiling with his teeth as he talked. _Such a bad liar_. “I’m a bad liar?”

“Ja,” Even just nodded with a similar smile, as if Isak’s was contagious.

“I’m the fucking master liar,” Isak said, pretty lamely for a comeback, laughing and kind of fumbling his words as he spoke, “there’s _no one_ who’s a better liar than me. I mean, you have no idea what I’ve gotten away with.”

“You’re forgetting who your partner in crime is,” Even raised his brows, shaking his head, “or have you gotten away with stuff without me?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Isak gave him a weak smile and just looked back at him, looking him in the eyes. He seemed relieved as Even laughed again, reaching over and caressing his cheek again, resting his thumb on his chin and holding it to keep him looking in his direction. “I like seeing you smile. Hearing you laugh.”

Even smiled back, happy to be feeling the electricity of Isak’s touch again. It wasn’t as vibrant or potent as usual, but it was better than the numb. Better than nothing at all, and he knew he was getting better. He was a little worried, because sometimes when he pushed himself out of the numbness like this, he’d fall back down the next day, or even after his next sleep. But, for now he was just going with the flow. 

“So, your voicemail,” Even said carefully after a silence settled between them. Isak’s voice rang through his ears every now and again for the past couple of days, _I really have to talk to you, Even_. He figured it had to be about Jonas. And, as much as Isak was cool about Even coming to him about his own romantic and sexual endeavors, Even wasn’t sure he could handle that friendliness being returned. But, Isak was smiling, radiant even. So, he was going to have to deal with it. “Did you want to talk about it?”

“Nei,” Isak shook his head and then turned to look at the ceiling, “I want to wait until you’re feeling like, a hundred percent. Like a million bucks.” 

“That might be a few days, Isak,” Even said carefully, watching his profile. He didn’t like when Isak looked away from him like that. Like he was hiding something. He just wanted to talk to him, for Isak to be honest with him, always. “I can handle it now. Is it about Jonas? You seem happy.”

“I am happy,” Isak shrugged a little and looked back at him, “but it’s not about Jonas. It’s because I feel like me for the first time in forever. All of our friends know who I am, like for real. It’s really freeing to be myself, Even. To not have to hide behind a mask of girls that I don’t even like.”

“You came out to everyone? The boys?” Even was smiling, feeling an actual happiness for Isak. It felt great to be real, and Isak was finally getting a taste of the freedom he deserved. He was being himself for the first time in a long time and Even was proud of him.

“Mhm,” Isak said and then flashed Even his nails, “and the girls painted my nails. Well, they did that because I ended things with Jonas and I guess they wanted me to feel better.” He shook his head and laughed a little before looking back up at the ceiling.

“Green really suits you,” Even said with a smile, trying not to give away how happy he actually was to hear he ended things with Jonas. He didn’t want to be happy if Isak was sad over it. But, oh god, he was.  
*

 

**~Wednesday Morning~**

Isak could tell when Even started to become drained. He’d done so good, getting over the depression faster than Isak had ever seem him. So, he held him and let him fall asleep in his arms until he seemed to be sleeping deeply enough. Then he did some homework, texted Eskild a little and eventually crawled back into bed with him. He had wanted to just come clean to Even after he told him that things were over with Jonas. But, Even wasn’t at a full emotional mental capacity, and he wasn’t going to throw that at him, not while he was vulnerable.

So, he let him sleep and eventually found himself passing out, too.

The next morning, his alarm was going off, and he couldn’t move fast enough to turn it off. Usually he’d snooze it three, maybe four times, but Even didn’t need it going off multiple times while he was trying to sleep, so Isak would be courteous. 

He sat up and stretched, setting his phone back down and rubbing his face before looking over at Even. His eyes were open and he was watching him, eyes still tired, but a small smile resting on his face.

“Sorry to wake you,” Isak said quietly, turning his body and running a hand through his hair, “you can go back to sleep, I’m up.” 

“I should probably go to school, too,” Even said quietly, laying still and just looking up at Isak. “I shouldn’t miss too many days.”

“It’s fine, your teachers know, you’ll catch up,” Isak shrugged. He always helped him catch up after he was out for a few days. Some teachers sent him assignments and lessons to his email, others Isak would pick up for him and help him go over. He knew Even was afraid of falling behind again, he hated high school. Who didn’t. But it was like an eternal hell for Even, having to spend more years there than necessary.

“I’m fine,” Even slowly sat up and stretched a little, moving slower than usual. Even was a morning person, usually. He wouldn’t move so slowly if he was a hundred percent, if he was feeling good enough to get going and really start back up with society. Isak knew that. He knew so much about Even, he was pretty sure that Even didn’t even know half of the things Isak knew. Those little subconcious things like the way he clenched his jaw when he was thinking _too_ hard about something, or how his eyes got darker when he was intrigued about something or someone. He wasn’t even sure Even himself knew that he did those things.

“Seriously, Ev,” Isak pushed him back down into the bed, moving to pin him down the way Even had to him the day before. He didn’t struggle, just let it happen, looking up at Isak. “You should stay home. Rest. It’s better for you.”

“Isak,” Even raised his eyebrows in a bit of an authoritative way, telling Isak that he didn’t control him. That he was pushing a line in telling him what to do. “Don’t be like this. I’ll be fine. Just let go of me.”

“It’ll be exhausting,” Isak shook his head. Yeah, he was telling him what to do, acting like he knew what was better for Even than Even, but he didn’t care. Even would get over it, hopefully thank him in the long run. “Really, it’s no big deal. Just stay home one more day. One more day to just focus on you. Just you, babe.”

“ _Babe_ ,” Even said with another eyebrow raise, an amused look in his eyes. Isak didn’t know where the slip came from, he’d never called Even babe before. But he’d been just so in his mind about him lately. His heart pounded nervously and he froze right there right on top of Even. “Am I your babe now?”

“You’ve always been,” Isak tried to remain cool, act like it was nothing, no big deal. Just be nonchalant and everything would be okay. He looked away and slowly got off of him, “So, yeah, you’ll stay home and I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah, fine, _babe_ , I’ll stay home,” Even pulled the blankets back up to his chin, watching Isak as he went to his closet to get some clothes to wear. “Are you going to send Eskild for me again?”

“I can if you want me to,” Isak turned around with his clothes in his hand.

“That’s okay,” Even shook his head, watching him pull on his tshirt, “I think I’ll actually invite Sonja over. I should apologize and stuff.”

“ _Sonja_ ,” Isak sighed a little, turning around and changing his boxers in front of him, pulling on his pants and turning back around as he buttoned them up. “I know you don’t want me to say it, or to try to control you or anything, but I don’t think she’s good for you, Even. I’m not telling you to end things, and maybe she’s over the initial shock, but she said awful things. Used words like crazy and insane. You can do better.”

“I don’t think we fit, anyway.”

 

**~Wednesday Afternoon~**  
*  
After Isak left, Even fell back asleep, the word _babe_ ringing in his ear, in Isak’s voice. The quick glance he caught of his ass coming to mind on and off. He was starting to feel better, all around. Feeling even better about the way he felt about Isak. Jonas out of the picture, Isak being himself, he felt a little hopeful. The change in Isak was good, and in the first time since he knew him, he actually felt like he stood a chance with the pretty blonde boy who lived in the room next door.

He texted Sonja when he woke up around 11:00 and made plans for her to come over around 13:00. That way he could make sure he seemed composed, sure, steady. He truly did need to apologize to her, no matter what she had said. Not only had he put her through hell during his episode, but he had never really thought that the two of them were going to last. He wanted to try to make a connection with her that he knew wasn’t there. It was to try to get over Mikael and to stop thinking about Isak. He convinced himself he could make a connection just because she was beautiful, because the sex was great, because she was nice to him. 

That wasn’t fair to her.

So, he needed to be real with her. He showered and made some chamomile tea to calm himself as he waited, and then when she was knocking at the door, he made sure to have a confident stride as he met her. A neutral face, and a warm hug as he invited her in, it was like his heart wasn’t pounding and the tension wasn’t swirling in the air around them. But, oh god it was.

“Did you want anything to drink?” He asked politely as he led her to the couch, sitting down with her. 

“No, well, maybe some water?” She was nervous too, he could tell. But, he didn’t know if she was nervous because of all that had happened, or because she thought he was going to suddenly go crazy again.

“Sure,” he said, getting up and going to the kitchen quickly. He grabbed them both some water, took a couple of breaths and headed back into the living room, sitting back on the couch as he handed her the glass. “How are you?”

“I’m fine,” she shrugged, took a sip of water then held the glass in both hands, circling it around and letting her fingers slip around the sweat on the outside of the glass. “How are you?”

“Much better,” he nodded, watching her. He imagined that she was going to handle him with care, like he was fragile, about to snap, so he figured he was the one who needed to do the talking. But, he needed to remain confident and steady, make sure she knew he was serious and he was okay that this wasn't a part of some mental breakdown. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry. I should have told you I’m bipolar. But, I was afraid of how you’d take it. If I had, though, it’s possible a lot of this could have been avoided and I apologize. I shouldn’t have let myself get that out of hand with you, especially because you didn’t know.”

“Well, it’s not like you can control it, right?” Sonja asked carefully, taking a sip of her water immediately after as if it was a prop, as if she was in the middle of an interview and she needed time to think before continuing on. “It would have happened anyway…”

“Well, I can’t, no,” Even shrugged a little and let out a sigh. “But I knew that I was manic. I was telling myself I wasn’t, but I knew. And I shouldn’t have gone away with you while I was like that.”

“Oh,” she nodded, looking a little disappointed. Her hands slipped around the glass some more. “It’s okay. I forgive you.”

“I’m glad,” Even gave her a genuine smile and took a deep breath. He swallowed hard because that was the easy part. Maybe Sonja knew what was coming next, but if she didn’t, he was about to hurt her. He didn’t like hurting people. “But, uh, Sonja?”

“Ja?”

“I think, well I actually kind of feel that you and I...well, we don’t really make a good match, you know?” He spoke quietly and went back to watching her face. But she remained stark, neutral. “You’re a great girl, amazing in so many ways. But, it’s not working, I don’t think that it’ll work, ever. I hope we could be friends.”

“Even, it’s fine,” she sighed and looked back down at her glass. She bit her lip thoughtfully and stayed silent for a moment or two, “I think that I’ve known for awhile that we don’t work. I think that’s why I was so jealous of Isak.” 

“Of Isak??"

“I’m not stupid, you know,” she rolled her eyes and set her glass down on the coffee table, moving her body to look more directly at him. “You two are attached at the hip and he’s obviously in love with you. You’re harder to read, but I think you might feel the same way about him. If you don’t, you really need to start pulling away because he is head over heels, Even. He cares about you in a way that I’ve never seen anyone care before. He was crushed on Saturday, he thought you were gone and it literally seemed like he lost a piece of himself. He was hysterically crying, I didn’t think he would ever get back up off the ground. And that’s probably a lot of pressure on you and I’m sorry but you need to hear it. He’s a good guy and I’m not saying you aren’t, but he doesn’t deserve to be hurt.” 

“Shit,” Even set down his glass and put his head in his hands. Isak didn’t talk to him about Saturday night, about what happened when he disappeared. Even hadn’t known that he crushed him, hadn’t known he cried over Even. “Why would he think I was gone?”

“I told him about the bridge,” Sonja said quietly, slowly moving over on the couch and placing a hand on his back. “I told him maybe you had gone there. There was no sign of you, so I was worried maybe you already jumped. When he got there, I told him and he lost it. Do you really want to jump from that bridge, Even?”

“Nei,” he shook his head and looked at her, “I don’t know what I was thinking. It seemed like a fun thing to say at the time, like maybe it’d start an interesting conversation.” It wasn’t like he hadn’t thought of the idea of jumping from such heights, thinking of flying through the air, even if it was just towards the ground. He imagined that being in mid air like that was the most free he could be. He didn’t think he’d ever actually do it, though.

“That’s kind of fucked,” Sonja said, tone kind of getting a little harsh. At least she wasn’t treating him like he was fragile, “maybe it’s because you were manic and whatever but that’s fucked, Even. Thinking something like that wouldn’t freak someone out? It’s fucked.”  
*

Isak went home right after school. He had kind of forced Even to stay home, so the least that he could do was join him. When he got there, Even was sleeping again. Isak peeked into his room and smiled triumphantly. He had known Even needed more rest, knew that school wouldn’t be the best for him, and to find him sleeping when he got home just proved him right.

He liked being right. 

So, he dropped some stuff in his room, grabbed his laptop and took his place at Even’s desk. He didn’t have as much homework as usual, just a few things online to do. He worked on those while Even slept, plugging in some earphones and listening to some music on Spotify. He and Even had a playlist of their own of their favorite songs, mostly 90s hip hop, like Nas, but Even had his random poppy bullshit on their too. Isak had took the Gabrielle song off of the list like seven times, but Even just kept adding it.

It’s what was playing when Even strolled over and popped the earplugs out of the laptop, the sounds of _5 Fine Frøkner_ suddenly filling the room.

“ _Gabrielle!_ ” Even said, pointing his finger at Isak and laughing. “You were just bobbing your head to Gabrielle! You’ve literally given me so much shit about her, about that song! And look at you!”

“I was just about to change it!” Isak protested, taking the earbuds out of his ears and setting them on the desk next to the laptop. He wasn’t about to change it, but he didn’t think he was _bobbing his head_ to it either. He had been waiting for it to pass, it wasn’t like it wasn’t going to.

“You are such a liar!” Even laughed and pulled him up out of the chair, singing along as he took his hips. He pulled Isak close and got right in his face as he did, “ _Du får meg til å kjøre meg opp, det e ingenting som kan kjøre meg ned, du får alt til å sprenge i kok, d e ingen andre eg heller gjør det her med_.”

Isak just stared in his eyes and listened, Even’s gentle voice going through his ears. The provocative lyrics making hairs on the back of his neck stand up. God, he wanted to kiss him.

“We should go for a walk,” Even said after he finished the chorus, reaching over and shutting the laptop. Basically ruining the moment and killing Isak’s urges. “I’ve been this house for days, I need some fresh air, the outside world.”

“Let’s walk, then” Isak nodded stepping towards his room. “Grab a jacket, though, it’s starting to get cold outside.”

 

**~Wednesday Evening~**

Isak and Even walked around for a while, skipping out on dinner at home and just grabbing random food, like fries, deep fried pickles, ice cream and basically anything they came across that sounded unhealthy yet appetizing. They talked a little about Jonas, Isak coming clean about the incident in the bathroom, and then his final decision after the talk with Eva. And, Even confirmed that things were over with Sonja.

It kind of felt like things we falling into place. So, when Isak found him and Even heading towards the pier during sunset, he decided. It was going to be the time. He was going to tell Even. He’d make sure there was no pressure. Tell him how he felt, but let him know he wasn’t expecting anything in return. Make sure Even knew Isak would be okay, even if he rejected him. Although, Isak knew he’d probably be crushed for a while, he would have to get over it. Even was his best friend, and if he didn’t want to be anything more, he’d always settle for that.

“We should go swimming,” Even said as they reached the end of the pier, looking to Isak as he started taking off his shoes.

“What? We’ll get sick!” Isak looked at him, wondering if he was actually serious. The Fall would soon become Winter and that water had to be freezing, they could catch hypothermia, or something.

“That’s just your excuse because you’re afraid of messing up your hair,” Even laughed and unzipped his jacket, shrugging it off, looking at Isak with a smile. He wasn’t going to back down from this.

“No I’m not!” Isak shook his head and stayed firm on his stance, watching Even get rid of his layers. “It’s late October, Even! We’ll freeze to death."

“We will not,” Even said quickly, pulling off his shirt, his chest immediately filling with goosebumps. “We’ll take off all of our clothes, take a quick dip, then they’ll be waiting for us, nice and warm.”

“You want to _skinny dip_?” Isak’s eyebrows shot up, Even was already taking off his jeans, smirking and watching Isak.

“Yes, I do,” He laughed and dropped his pants, left in the cold in his boxers. “Unless your afraid?” 

“Yeah right, I’m not afraid of anything,” Isak said with a sigh, shaking his head and beginning to take off his shoes. He couldn’t believe he was about to do this. They would definitely freeze, definitely catch colds. But, now he felt challenged, so he stripped down to his boxers with Even. The air was already cold enough against his bare skin. The water would be ice. “This is crazy.”

“Sometimes it’s fun to be a little crazy,” Even winked at him and pulled down his boxers. He just stepped out of them and Isak pushed him in, watching him flail into the water as he took off his own and jumped in after him.

The water was freezing. Not a shock, but definitely a shock to his system. He felt like his entire body wanted to sink inside of itself, value any warmth he may have left inside of him. He waded in the water, watching as Even resurfaced, lips already purple from the temperature.

“Can we get out now?” Isak shivered, watching Even push his wet hair back. Acting as if the water was completely normal, like it was the middle of summer and this was completely normal.

“You have to go under the water first!” Even said and pointed to his hair, “And don’t tell me you did because your hair isn’t wet. I’m not getting out until you go under water.”

“Faen, it’s freezing,” Isak looked at him and Even swam over, taking him by the shoulders and just pushed him down under without warning. Even sank down too, and before Isak knew it, there were lips brushing against his own under the freezing water. _Even’s_ lips brushing against his. They stayed there as they surfaced, Even grabbing onto Isak and pulling him in as close as possible as he kissed him hard.

Isak forgot about the cold, his body heating up as grabbed onto Even, pulling his body against Even's in the freezing water, kissing him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EVEN AND ISAK HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABOUT  
> THE DRAMA IN GENERAL HAS ONLY JUST BEGUN????  
> BUT HEY THEY KISSED, THEY MADE THE STEP AND IT WAS A WATER KISS EVEN THO IT'S COLD.  
> Comments and Kudos would be amaaaazing, byyee.


	6. Eyes Closed, I See Your Face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo this chapter has like, hella dialogue. Lots of characters talking about a lot of things and maybe some good drama? well I hope it's good drama. There's also some randomly cute as hell fluffiness that is probably too fluffy but fuck Evak just takes the hell over. 
> 
> There is a bit of talking about depressing thoughts and mention of thoughts like that having led to a trip to the hospital in the past so that may be triggering, read with caution.

**~Thursday Morning~**

Isak knew that he and Even had a lot to talk about, but he was speechless after their kiss. As far as (re)first kisses go, this was rated off the charts on the intimacy scale. They were completely naked, lower halves pressing against each other, grazing each other’s thighs. There was so much grabbing, not being able to get close enough as they kissed until their lips went numb. They were sharing body heat in the cold, cold water, and there was something so personal about it, about wanting to be kissed but also actually needing the closeness from the other person. It wouldn’t have stopped if it wasn’t for Isak’s common sense. When he realized he couldn’t feel his lips or his fingertips, he knew he had to pull away, had to get them out of the water. 

They shook off a little, put on their boxers then patted their bodies dry with their shirts before putting the layers back on, shivering the entire time. They wrapped their arms around each other’s waists, locks dripping onto their jackets, and didn’t say a word until they got home. It was comfortable that way, and Isak was too cold, too shocked by what happened to try to say anything. But, he couldn’t help but wonder what had been going on in Even’s head. Why the kiss? Did he feel the same way Isak did? Or was this some sort of test?

When they got home, Even suggested they watch movies in his room, and Isak more than happily agreed. They started with _Romeo + Juliet_ for the billionth time, this time Even pausing at the kiss in the water, pointing at the screen and saying, “That. That is why we had to swim.” 

“So you risked us getting hypothermia to kiss me underwater as some Romeo and Juliet fantasy?” Isak joked, tilting his head up and letting Even kiss him again. They bantered about it for a little bit, Even ending the argument with some jargon about him being a romantic, he had to. 

They had spent the rest of the night like that, cuddling in bed, watching movies, bickering flirtatiously, and kissing _a lot_. Even let Isak pick the second movie. He chose _Inception_ because he had a soft spot for Leonardo DiCaprio (and they might as well keep it going) and knew that it was a movie Even enjoyed. 

Isak didn’t know what was going on between them, but he loved it. The kisses were passionate, electric, totally and completely consuming. Sometimes they were brief, sometimes they lasted through entire movie scenes, getting entirely too hot for two people who hadn’t even talked about what they were to one another. Not that Isak minded, but he wasn’t going to jump into more sexual endeavors with a guy who had the potential to break his heart. Not without knowing first. It wasn’t who he was. He knew that now. 

Waking up next to him in the morning was completely different than usual. Even was holding him tight, his alarm going off on the night table beside them as Even kissed into his neck, over and over and over. Isak felt happy, like there was compassion radiating between the two of them, the kisses on his neck giving him tingles _everywhere_.

“I know you like to sleep longer,” Even was saying quietly, breath on Isak’s ear “so I’m going to go shower and let you sleep until I get back.”

“Mmph,” Isak said in response, glad Even was pulling away before he could realize how hard Isak was getting from the touch of his lips, the sound of his raspy morning voice, the feeling of his breath. He was just so vulnerable to touch in the morning and he’d never had someone touching him _like that_ right when he woke up.

Suffice it to say that he didn’t spend the time during Even’s shower _sleeping_. But, instead got himself off in his boxers, right there in Even’s bed, beneath his sheets. Thinking of the kisses, of Even’s dick against his, slipping over his thigh in the water. He’d offer to wash his sheets with his own later. They probably needed to be washed, anyway, Even had been in them for days. 

When he was done, he went into his room, cleaning himself off with his boxers and changing into some clothes for the day. Then, he went back into Even’s room and laid back on the top of the covers, waiting for his return as if nothing had happened. As if Even hadn’t gotten him so turned on that he couldn’t help himself. He picked up his phone and sent Eskild a text, saying he was going to need to meet with him at their usual spot sometime soon. He definitely was going to have to tell him about this.

Not too long after Even walked in, towel wrapped around his waist. He shot his eyebrows up at Isak. As if he was shocked that Isak was up, dressed. Isak understood why he would be. Isak didn’t like mornings, he argued with him about getting out of bed, always. Isak just gave him a smile and a shrug, sitting up and watching him get clothes of his own to wear. 

“You’re going to school?” He asked Even tentatively. He knew that Even seemed a lot better, a lot happier last night and even got up quickly this morning. But he just wanted to make sure. He didn’t like the thought of Even getting overwhelmed at school, in class. Not with the depression looming over him.

“Yes, Isak,” Even turned and looked at him, dropping his towel shamelessly and pulling on a pair of boxers. He looked at him seriously, “please don’t fight with me about it. I want to go back, and that should say something, seeing as I hate that place.”

“I just wanted to make sure,” Isak sat up on the edge of the bed and checked out Even’s body briefly, then looked down at the floor. “How...how are _we_ going to act at school?”

“It’s probably best if we act normal for now,” Even said as he put on the rest of his clothes, Isak nodding his head and keeping his eyes on the floor as Even made his way over to him. He put a finger under Isak’s chin and tilted it upward, making him look at him. “I just figure that you and I should talk about this before we start telling other people about it. We probably should have talked last night, but I just...couldn’t keep my hands off of you. I hope that’s okay.”

“It’s fine,” Isak clenched his jaw, swallowing hard and nodding. He stood up and smiled, wrapping his arms around Even’s neck and giving him a small smile. “I agree. I think we really need to talk. By the way, your kissing has come a long way since you were fourteen.” 

“I certainly hope so,” he laughed and leaned down, kissing him on the lips happily. 

 

**~Thursday Lunch~**  
*  
After kissing Isak again after so many years, Even found it hard not to kiss him. It was normal enough for him to be sitting close to him, arm stretched out over the back of his chair, but he craved more. The last time he had kissed him had been in the morning, in his room. He didn’t dare sneak any kisses in the streets or on the bus, because rumors spread around the school like wildfire. If one person saw, they may has well have directly texted _Gossip Girl_ herself. 

Luckily enough, it was kind of easy not to stare at him too much at lunch because Jonas caught his attention. He was acting weird, quieter than Even remembered. He’d sneak glances at Isak and he swore his fingers grazed Isak’s leg a couple times when he put his hands to his side. Trying not to be jealous, trying not to wrap his arm right around Isak and pull him into his lap, Even stayed quiet, too. 

Mahdi and Magnus had both had excited stories to tell today, when they all got to the table, everyone voted on who got to go first. Unsurprisingly, everyone voted Mahdi. Good for him, but it meant that Even had barely paid attention, noticing all of these things about Jonas that he had to take mental notes on. Wondering if Isak noticed it, too, wondering if he felt his fingers graze his thigh, wondering if he noticed the frequent looks he gave him. He made a mental note to ask Isak about it.

He finally tried to shake himself out of it towards the end of Mahdi’s story—something to do about this girl he got assigned to work with on a project. Apparently her ass was out of this world and he was pretty sure she had a thing for him. 

“I’m just saying if next week, or hell, maybe I’ll work fast,” Mahdi nodded, sure of himself as he leaned back in his chair, hands on the back of his head, “if this weekend at a party, or next week you catch me with this fine ass girl on my arm, don’t be surprised.”

“Nice bro,” Magnus high-fived him and laughed.

“Good luck,” Jonas barely said at the same time, shaking his head, glancing at Isak as he did, and laughing too. 

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Isak said last, making Even smile as he looked at the boy. He was wearing a snapback because he hadn’t showered and his hair was a mess after their swim. Even kind of liked knowing he hadn’t showered, that there were still remnants of his skin still somewhere on him, between his legs. Even couldn’t help but to run his pointer finger gently up the back of his neck, watching Isak shiver and try to recover without giving anything away. Even would do it again, but he didn’t want to torture Isak. Or did he?

“Well, my news is way better because I’m _certain_ Vilde likes me,” Magnus said hitting his palms on the table and kind of jumping excitedly. “I went to her locker this morning, and I asked her if we could go on a date again and literally, she said yes. Like a real yes.”

“I’m not going on another double date with you two,” Jonas said, crossing his arms and kind of sitting up more in his seat. Was he man-spreading just to try to bump Isak’s leg? 

“Maybe Even and Sonja could,” Mahdi suggested, raising his eyebrows at Even then looking at Magnus with a shrug. 

“Nei, nei,” Magnus shook his head, smiling even wider, “that’s the best part. She wants to go alone! Just me and her. You know what that means?” Magnus sucked in his lower lip and and scrunched his nose, bobbing his head. He put his hands out and made fists out of them, thrusting his hips in an extremely inappropriate, yet totally hilarious and totally Magnus way. In what would have been a very awkward, very unattractive face to have to look at during sex. 

“Yeah, right,” Isak shook his head and laughed, “I think you’re underestimating Vilde, here.”

“Isak, it’s _Vilde_ ,” Magnus said, as if it was the revelation of the century. “She’s boy crazy. Remember how jealous she was of Chris and Kasper? I’m telling you, it’s going to happen.”

“I’ll only believe that when Vilde tells me,” Isak shrugged, sitting back and rolling his head a little, pressing his neck back into Even's arm a little. More discreet than Even had been, and Even was a little but proud of that. He couldn’t help but smirk. 

“Ja, because Isak is the girls’ gay best friend now,” Magnus laughed and shook his head, looking at Even and raising an eyebrow, “why didn’t you take the position when you stood a chance?”

“Maybe I’m not gay enough,” Even shrugged and laughed a little, looking back at Isak. “Are you about to start having sleepovers with the girls instead of me?”

“Oh my god, I just thought of something!” Magnus said, not allowing Isak to answer, his mouth popping open in shock. “Oh my god, you two would be so cute together. And, you live together so you could literally fuck all the time. Hva faen? What are you waiting for!?” 

“Sonja,” Jonas was the one who spoke up, quickly, Even thought, pointing across Isak at Even as he did. Too quickly, seeming a bit stiff now as he looked over at Even and Isak, as if taking in their close state for the first time. _Be jealous_. 

“Actually, Sonja and I broke up,” Even said, taking his arm away from the back of Isak’s chair. He looked over at Jonas, who looked a little shifty now, nervous even. It was nice to know that Magnus thought they’d be cute, but Even really didn’t want to give anything away until he knew for sure what was going on in Isak’s mind. Like, how on earth could he like Even of all people? He was a mess, and Isak saw that first hand like, all of the time. 

“Whaaat?” Mahdi was the one looking shocked now, hitting Magnus and looking at him. “Faen, he probably went to Eskild about it too!”

“He didn’t go to Eskild,” Isak rolled his eyes and sat back, fixing his hat a little on his head, “He went to me. Halla? We’re best friends, here. Of course he talked to me about it.” Isak looked at Even with a smile then back at the boys with a shrug.

“Whatever,” Magnus shook his head and put his hands on the table, “let’s get back to me, since I’m apparently the only one with good, exciting, solid news here. I seriously need you guys to like, help me out. I need to know what to talk about, how to seduce someone, like, literally, anything you’ve got. After school. Meet me out at the table.” 

“Can’t,” Even said with a sigh, “I’ve got some major catching up to do today after school.”

“Want me to stay after with you?” Isak asked, looking up at Even. His eyes seemed a little hopeful, but Even was going to have to focus. No way was he going to be able to focus with Isak in the room and all the lingering questions hanging in the air. 

“Nei,” Even told him and gave him a—hopefully subtle—wink, “Magnus needs you more.”  
*

**~Thursday Evening~**

Isak got home from helping Magnus out before Even did. It was a little worrisome, because it was past 16:00 and if Even was still working on catching up, he was probably going to burn himself out. Isak knew that he didn’t like being behind for long, always worried about falling too far behind and having to repeat again, but his teachers understood, would give him at least a full week to catch back up. 

So, Isak decided to wash both their sheets and send Even a text to check up on him.

**~Ev~**

_you still at school? come home, take a break xx 16:17_

__

_I’m headed home now, I swear 16:19 _

_no worries. xx 16:19_

_see you soon 16:20_

__

_see you soon (: 16:22_

Isak didn’t know how soon he would be, Even not giving him a time, but he figured he wasn’t going to have enough time to finish washing their sheets and making Even’s bed for him. So, instead he cleaned up Even's room. His own room was a mess, but he didn’t mind. Even liked a clean room, and Isak knew, him having once said something about when his room was cluttered, his mind was probably cluttered too. Since he’d been down for a couple of days, he hadn’t spent the time to keep it tidy, and most of the mess was probably Isak’s doing, anyway, so he didn’t mind cleaning it.

Isak was moving the sheets from the washer to the dryer when he heard Even come through the front door, back to being his heavy-footed, boisterous self as he walked into the kitchen, greeting his family. Even had told them he’d be home a little later than usual, so they put off dinner until his return. Isak stuffed the sheets into the dryer with a couple of dryer sheets and turned it on, heading out to the kitchen to meet him. 

“I hope you’re not stressing yourself out, too much, Honey,” Josefine was telling Even as he set his bag down on the floor and sat in his chair at the table. Isak couldn’t help but smile at him, going to sit beside him in his usual seat. Ana was sitting across the table, coloring and Josefine and Martin were up and about, finishing dinner. 

“I’m not, Ma,” Even told her, his hand reaching under the table and squeezing Isak’s thigh. “It’s a lot, but I stopped as soon as I was getting frustrated. Don’t worry. I can handle myself.”

“Well, honestly Ev,” Josefine sighed, beginning to set the table with plates and cutlery, setting Ana’s to the side of her picture. “It’s hard to believe when you’re just saying things I want to hear. I understand you get frustrated with me, but I need you to be more honest with me, more often. It’s better for us all, and I like it when I can trust you.”

“So you’re saying you can’t trust me?” Even said, his tone becoming a little annoyed. Isak clenched his jaw and reached for his hand under the table, squeezing it and trying to comfort him best he could. 

“Now, Even, I don’t think that’s what your mother was saying,” Martin said carefully, “Ana can you please put that away now?” Martin was the glue, the calm in the storm, the father that Isak wished he had had. He was always trying to keep everyone calm, never jumping to conclusions, ready to hear everyone out and look at the best of the situation. 

“It’s exactly what she was saying,” Even pushed his chair back and got up, “I’m not hungry.”

“Even,” Isak and Martin said at the same time, Isak dropping his hand and looking up at him sadly. 

“Even, sit down, we waited for you, you’re eating with us,” Josefine said sternly, pointing down at Even’s seat and giving him a look. “I do trust you, I just need you to be honest more often. I’m sorry if I made it seem like that’s what I was saying but you have to try to see things from my side, too.”

Isak stayed mostly quiet through the rest of the dispute, just glad that Even sat back down and ate with the rest of them. He understood both sides. Josefine had a point that sometimes Even kept things from them, vital things, things that could be the difference between a terrible episode and an easier episode. But, he would always understand the idea of feeling like you had to keep things in, to yourself, for the greater good. He kept a lot of things to himself, a lot of the time. Not to mention, Even liked to be independent. Which, okay, could be in an issue in itself because of his disorder, but his mom needed to understand. 

“Mom,” Ana said, interrupting what seemed to be the end of the argument. Even was starting to calm down, but if Josefine said one thing wrong, it would turn around in a second. Isak thought Ana probably knew that, so she was deciding to change the subject, “Do you think that Erik could come over and stay the night Saturday?”

Everyone stopped what they were doing, Martin choking a little on his sip of water and looking at her incredulously, “A boy?”

“Yes,” Ana shrugged and took a bite of her food, ignoring everyone's shocked gazes. “He’s a really cool guy, I think. We’ve been hanging out at recess and he says he plays piano too. Takes lessons and everything.”

“Ana, sweetie,” Josefine said gently, picking her napkin up and patting her face with it a little, “Erik can come over if you want but I don’t think it’s appropriate for him to stay the night.”

“Well, why not?” 

“Well, where would he sleep?” Josefine asked, reaching over and tucking a piece of dirty blonde hair behind Ana’s ear. “He can’t just sleep in your bed. It’s not appropriate for you to have a boy sleeping in your bed.”

“Even has a boy sleeping in his bed all the time,” Ana said matter-of-factly, shrugging and looking around the table. “Isak and Even share a bed all the time and Even likes boys and you don’t say anything about that.”

“Even and Isak are older,” Martin said calmly, giving Ana a little shrug back, they’d been sharing a bed for years, but apparently that was lost on him. Isak could see the bit of alarm in his eyes though. His daughter asking for a co-ed sleepover so young probably sent his mind into a whirlwind of panic. Isak felt a little panic, himself, hoping that she wasn’t growing up too fast. Also hoping that her qualifying them like that didn’t give anything away, or didn’t make Even’s parents change their mind about the living situation. 

“And they’re different,” Josefine continued, “there’s no—”

“Mom, please don’t finish that,” Even said quickly, Isak’s heart pounding a little as everyone’s shocked gazes now turned to Even. As if asking him why couldn’t she finish it. “Please, this isn’t about me and Isak. What if Erik slept in my room? I wouldn’t mind.”

“And you’ll—”

“Share with Isak,” Even offered, looking at Isak and raising his eyebrows, “that’s okay, right?”

Isak knew that Even knew it was. But Isak nodded, throwing in an “of course,” before forcing himself to keep eating. His mind was spinning a little, his stomach turning a little at the idea of Even’s parents finding out about the two of them. Would they be completely against it? What was Even’s mom about to say? There’s no chance of them having sex? There’s nothing between them? What? Whatever it was had to be completely untrue, especially at that point. 

“Well, I suppose that would be okay,” Martin said, though Isak could tell he was still a little on edge. He looked at Josefine, who was looking at him with a mirrored look of worry. “Your mom and I will discuss it tonight and give you our answer in the morning, alright?”

The rest of the dinner seemed to go by without incident, but Isak couldn’t help but to continuously think about the talk that he and Even were going to have. Especially since Even’s socked foot kept slipping over his under the table. He felt more panicked now that his parents might find them out, might separate them if they did, maybe to set an example for Ana. Could that knowledge really change things? 

Afterwards, Isak went to get their sheets out of the dryer while Even cleaned up the table with his Dad. They took turns in the house doing chores like this, tonight it was technically supposed to be Isak’s turn, but Even offered since he hadn’t been up and about to help with dinner or clean up in a couple days. Isak only took the offer so that he could finish making Even’s room pretty for him. He made Even’s bed perfectly and then attended his own, pushing all of his clothes into the corner of his room, he’d probably have to do that laundry soon, too. Once he was done, he threw on some sweats and laid on top of Even’s bed, on his stomach and his feet up by the pillows, kicking into the air as he started to read the due chapter for Biology.

When Even walked in, he looked wonderfully surprised, smiling and looking around the room before his eyes landed on Isak. He raised up both his eyebrows questioningly before walking over to the bed and falling back on it, feet hanging off the end of the bed while he faced Isak in this upside down way. Isak closed the Biology book and pushed it away, moving to lay on his back as he turned his head in Even’s direction. 

“You cleaned for me?” Even asked quietly, still smiling. 

“Yeah, well,” Isak shrugged a little, “I had to wash my sheets, so I washed yours too because why not? And I know how you like things clean, so.”

“You’re really sweet, you know that?” Even leaned him, pressing a gentle upside-down kiss to his lips before pulling away. 

“I try,” Isak laughed a little and looked back at him, knowing that now was the time. If they were going to talk about everything, now was the time to do it. “So, not you, you know, just dive into this or anything but what’s going on here?”

“Not to _dive in_ , huh?” Even laughed and shook his head, “sounds like a dive to me. But, no, that’s totally okay. We need to talk because if I have to go another day through school, through lunch without touching you, I think I’ll actually lose my mind.”

“Me too,” Isak said, a little shocked by the statement. It sent chills up his spine, made him happy that Even was longing to touch him the same way he was. “So, why’d you stage a Romeo and Juliet kiss for me, Even?”

“Well, to be completely honest,” Even sighed and ran a hand through his hair, speaking gently and keeping eye contact with Isak, “when I talked to Sonja, she told me that she thought or I guess she could _tell_ that you had feelings for me. She told me about Saturday. About the bridge.”

“The bridge,” Isak repeated quietly and swallowed hard. He wanted to bring up the bridge to Even, ask him about why he would talk about jumping from it, make sure he wasn’t back to all those threatening thoughts that used to trouble him all the time. But, he never, never planned on telling Even about his breakdown. He didn’t want Even to feel at fault for that. He actually kind of blamed Sonja. 

“Yeah, my god, Isak,” Even reached up and pushed off Isak’s hat to run his fingers through his hair. “I am so sorry that I made you worry like that. I didn’t know that when I said those things to Sonja that there was so much more that could have been read into it. Not from her, anyway. She didn’t know about my past, so I didn’t think it was a big deal. Which is stupid, I know, she told me. I would have never said something like that to you, though.” 

“I’m not sure that makes me feel better, Ev,” Isak told him, pushing his face closer and nuzzling his nose against Even’s for a moment. “If you’re starting to have those thoughts again, I want you to tell me. Don’t worry about worrying me. I’d rather be worried than have you back in a hospital bed…”

“I’m not having those thoughts again, I promise times a million,” Even scooted back a little, working on meeting Isak’s eyes, looking into them with a weight of serious that could hold the world. “It was fucked, I know. I just was grasping at anything to have a conversation with Sonja about. I couldn’t talk to her like I can talk to you and I just wanted something. It was the only thing that really got a reaction out of her all day, I don’t know. It was fucked and I’m sorry and I told her I’m sorry too and god I hope you believe me when I say I’m okay, that I promise to tell you if those thoughts are happening again.” 

“I believe you,” Isak nodded. He knew Even didn’t need anyone else tonight telling him that they didn’t trust what he said. Besides, he really did believe him. He could tell by looking into his eyes that he wasn’t lying. Or at least he didn’t think he was lying, and that would have to be enough for now. He might have a lingering worry but he would trust that Even was sure of himself.

“I’m so sorry I had you feeling like that, Isak,” Even said again, pressing a brief kiss to his lips and then looking back into his eyes. “I wish you would have told me the way you felt. I mean, assuming Sonja was right. Assuming that all these kisses mean something to you, I wish you would have told me. And for how long, Isak? How long have you felt this way?”

The questions were loaded, Even hadn’t really admitted his feelings yet, had he? Not verbally, no. But Isak knew he didn’t stage romantic (re)first kisses for just anyone, that he didn’t make movie moments for people who weren’t special to him. And, of course, he knew he was special to Even, he had always known that, he just hadn’t known he could be _that_ type of special. Didn’t know that he would stage _that_ kind of movie moment just for him. 

“Sonja was right,” Isak said, feeling a weirdness in the words. He didn’t like her, he never had, but she had helped him, hadn’t she? If she didn’t say anything to Even, would he have made his move at the pier? Would Isak have had the guts to actually say what he wanted to that day? “It’s...it’s been a while. I think I probably knew I liked you the first time you kissed me. I didn’t really admit it to myself until, well, I guess not until you came out. I was scared about being gay before that. Going to church with my mom all that time and my dad wasn’t necessarily helpful.”

“Fuck your dad,” Even said simply, then nodded at Isak. “Sorry, go on.”

“Fuck my dad,” Isak agreed quietly with a little smile, “But, uh, watching you come into yourself like that, being proud of who you liked and what you liked, it was kind of amazing, Ev. You made me stop hating myself. You kind of saved me.” 

“I wish you would have told me back then,” Even smiled sadly, letting their noses nuzzle a little more then just resting their noses on one another. Isak closed his eyes and just relaxed against him like that for a moment. 

“What would have happened?” Isak finally whispered quietly against Even’s forehead, pulling back and tilting his head to look back into Even’s eyes. 

“I don’t know,” Even said back in a whisper, “but I’ve always had feelings for you, too, Isak. Maybe we could have been something, all these years. Or maybe we needed the time, maybe right now is the perfect time for us. Maybe it was never right until now.” 

“Maybe you’re right,” Isak nodded a little, speaking up a little now. “I think that I’d rather believe that it wasn’t right until now. Because I don’t want to think that we have time we missed out on. I’d rather just think about now, not about the ‘what if.’ I want to be with you, Even. I’ve wanted to be with you for so long, so I hope you’ll be with me now.”

“And we’ll be boyfriends, exclusively?” Even raised his eyebrows, a smile playing on his face, his hands back in Isak’s hair.

“Yes.”

“And this isn’t a rebound from Jonas thing?” Even asked, which was fair enough. Isak knew how it could kind of look that way from his angle. 

“Not at all,” Isak shook his head and nuzzled his nose against Even’s as he did. “I liked you way before Jonas and way more than I liked Jonas. But he was like, the first guy who I liked _and_ spoke to _and_ I wasn’t afraid of losing because I liked him. That’s why I went for it.”

“You were afraid of losing me?” Even pulled back again to look into his eyes. 

“You’re my best friend, Even,” Isak shrugged and sat up, making Even sit up too. They both scooted to the middle of the bed, still facing opposite directions, but looking directly at each other now. “If I told you I liked you and you didn’t like me? That could have ruined everything.”

“That’s exactly how I felt,” Even groaned a little and put a hand on his face, rubbing it a little. “God, Isak, I can’t even believe this right now. Honestly, the fact that I could have made a move on you all this time? Fuck. I need a cigarette.” 

Even got up and grabbed his quilt, stuffing it under the door then walked over to his dresser, opening a drawer, and pulling out a pack of cigarettes before walking over to his desk and opening the window. He looked over at Isak and raised both his eyebrows invitingly before climbing over the desk and sitting on the window sill. Isak shrugged and got up too, walking over and just sitting on the desk, knees to his chest, while Even lit up the cigarette. 

“So you quit, huh?” Isak joked a little, trying not to find the way his lips wrapped around it attractive, or how he blew out the smoke. 

Instead he tried to think about how good it would probably be for him to quit. His parents didn’t know he smoked cigarettes, so when he was smoking them constantly, it was really hard for him to hide it, made him run around like crazy, made him worried that they’d find out enough that he’d need another one. He’d have to change his clothes all the time, do his laundry when his mom wasn’t around and shower a lot more often so his hair didn’t smell. Isak was helping him hide it and that was stressful in itself, so he was glad the day he announced he was quitting. It was a little after his breakup with Mikael and Isak figured it would be a good enough distraction for him while he got over it. 

“I told you, it’s a bad habit, hard to quit,” Even shrugged a little and looked out the window for a moment, “Haven’t had one in like a week and a half, so I think maybe I deserve it.” 

“Let me have a hit,” Isak reached out for it, causing Even to raise his eyebrows, “or a puff? I don’t know what you call it for cigarettes.”

“Let’s keep it that way,” Even swatted away his hand with his free one before taking another drag of the cigarette and blowing it out the window. “I’m not going to let you start smoking. Fuck that. Besides, you get to keep me from smoking weed, I might as well have some fun making sure you don’t smoke these cancer sticks. Payback is a bitch.” 

 

**~Friday Lunch~**

Even though they said that they couldn’t deal with not touching each other throughout the day, Isak and Even ended up deciding to test the waters of their relationship with everyone at school. Simple, seemingly friendly pecks on the cheek when they parted for class in the morning, Isak leaning into Even’s chest when he wrapped his arms around his shoulders at the lunch table, their chairs right up against each other. Isak tried to ignore the fact that he was pretty sure that the day before Jonas was sending him signals of sorts. He seemed to accidentally touch him more times than could possibly accidental, but today he wasn’t going to be close enough for that to happen. Maybe it was all in his head, anyway. 

“So you’re saying that you didn’t fuck Vilde?” Mahdi looked at Magnus, who had been dancing around the subject. They’d done _a lot_ , but apparently they didn’t do _that_. Or so it seemed. 

“Faen, we may as well have,” Magnus groaned and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m telling you, it was hot as hell. You wouldn’t even believe it if you saw it.”

“Don’t think any of us want to see that, Mags,” Isak shook his head and made a face. Everyone else agreed and laughed. Isak pressing his head back against Even’s shoulder as he did, feeling the rumbling in Even’s chest as he laughed too.

“Well, we’re going to do it tonight, after the party,” Magnus told them all, pointing his finger at everyone around the table. “You’ll all see. I’ll take her back to my place and we’ll.” He finished off by sucking in his lower lip, scrunching his nose and thrusting his hips in his seat, making ridiculous noises, “uh, uhhh, yeaaaah.”

“You’re really going to need some new moves, Magnus,” Even pointed out, “That one looks exactly like the one you did yesterday. Which obviously didn’t work.” 

“He’s got a point,” Isak said and Even ran his hand down his side in response, squeezing him as he did. Isak looked at him and smiled happily when he met his bright blue eyes. He really wanted to kiss him, but he wasn’t sure he should. 

“Alright, I guess I’ll be the one to say it,” Mahdi said, causing Isak to look back over at him and Magnus. “Something is going on between you two. I mean, you’re always touchy but this is some next level shit.”

“So true,” Magnus added and looked to Jonas, “right? They’re like, in love over there. You should probably join us on this side of the table before you witness some touching.” 

“Oh stop, you guys,” Jonas rolled his eyes and leaned his arm on the table, “that’s literally how they’ve always been. You suddenly have a problem with it now because you know Isak is gay? Please.” As if Jonas had been around long enough to know that was how they'd always been. As if he needed to stand up for the innocence of their friendship. Isak kind of wanted too roll his eyes, but held himself back. 

“Actually,” Even said, causing Isak to sit up to see what he was doing, if he was actually about to tell them. Even shrugged a little as if to say _why not_. “We are together. Officially, for real. Exclusive. Boyfriends.” As Even went on, he shot a few looks at Jonas, like he was trying to carve it into his brain. Let him know that Isak was officially off limits. 

“No shit?” Magnus raised both his eyebrows, smiling wide and jumping up out of his seat and reaching across the table to pull them both into a hug. “Oh my god this is so cute! Best friends falling in love? That’s like, the dream!” 

He laughed and pulled away, knocking Isak’s snapback off his head. Jonas caught it and handed it to him. 

“Congrats, then,” Jonas said with a small smile. Isak couldn’t help that his heart beat a little faster while he looked at him. He couldn’t tell if Jonas was upset about it, and he didn’t want to be so full of himself that he would think Jonas actually was sad, but part of him wanted to make sure. He wanted them to be friends, he really did like him, so he was going to have to find a time to talk to him.

“Thanks,” Isak said, returning the smile and putting his hat back on his head before leaning back into Even. Even kissed the side of his face a couple of times and then Isak put a hand on his face, pushing it away. “So, is everyone going to be at the pregame tonight? That’s when we were _planning_ on telling everyone. But I guess we weren’t being as discreet as we thought. Oops.” 

Isak turned to Even and kissed the corner of his lips now, smiling happily and then leaning back against his chest. Even wrapped both his arms around him and pulled him close, any closer and he’d be in his lap. The boys groaned a little and started going on about whether or not they were going to have to start dealing with them being cute. But, yeah, they were going to the pregame and yeah, they were going to keep it quiet until then. 

“Neither of us will be drinking, though,” Isak told the boys. Even was too freshly off his episode to start getting drunk, and usually he didn’t even drink to get drunk, but any alcohol wasn’t a good idea in general. So, Even wouldn’t drink and neither would Isak. He didn't mind, he would do anything for Even.

“Whaaat? Lame!” Mahdi said, looking at the two of them, “What, you’re going to become the boring couple who doesn’t do anything?” 

“No, no,” Even laughed a little and squeezed Isak some more, “I just shouldn’t be drinking right now and Isak thinks he’s being all cute by not drinking in solidarity with me or whatever. But I told him I don’t mind.”

“Shh, I don’t care,” Isak turned, looking at him with a smile. He really, he didn’t mind, not to be overly dramatic or you know, in love, but Even’s kisses were intoxicating enough. He gave Even a couple more kisses on the corner of his mouth, “It’ll be fine, we’ll have fun anyway. I don’t need alcohol, I just need you.” 

The boys groaned again, complaining about the cheesiness. 

 

**~Friday Night~**  
*  
On their way to Noora’s flatshare, Isak brought up that he needed to talk to Jonas. Even felt a little worried and a little jealous. He wanted to trust Isak, and he did on some level, but this was all so new. Isak and Jonas were freshly over, and Even was finally getting to hold Isak in his arms and kiss him into oblivion. It was tricky, especially when Isak decided to abandon his idea to not drink because he thought it’d make talking to Jonas easier. 

Even wasn’t going to tell him no. That would be too controlling, so he just smiled and told him “whatever you have to do.” Being as supportive as he possibly could, trying to trust Isak as much as being a day into a relationship would let him. _Hopefully,_ he would keep his jealousy under control. 

When Eskild opened the door for him, he pulled Even into a hug and squealed.

“I’m so glad you’re here!” He said, already sounding as though he may have had a few drinks. “And you look so good too! Feeling better, I assume?”

“Much,” Even said with a smile at him as he pulled back, “Thanks again for stopping by the other day. It was more helpful than I will probably ever admit again.” He patted Eskild on the shoulder and walked past him, letting Eskild pull Isak into a hug now, standing off to the side and watching the interaction. The two had developed a relationship that Even would have never seen coming. Isak had been going to him to talk, instead of Even and that made him a little jealous. Even liked being the one Isak came to. 

“Welcome back, my little prodigy,” Eskild told him as he pulled away, taking Isak’s hands and pulling him inside the apartment. Even knew that the two of them were extremely platonic, not an ounce of attraction between the two, but he wanted to be the one holding Isak’s hands. “You said you needed to talk. Want to?” 

“Nei,” Isak shook his head and pulls his hands free of Eskild before walking up to Even. “I don’t need to tell you what I can show you.” He smirked and then took Even’s shirt, pulling him into his chest, tilting his head up and pressing their lips together. Even felt Isak’s pride through the kiss and loved the way that he took control like that. He kissed him back happily, wrapping his arms around his lower back as Eskild squealed from where he was standing. 

“Eskild, what’s going on, it sounds like you’re—oh my god!” Noora said as she walked in the room and caught sight of Isak and Even in their lip lock. They separated, Isak blushing a little and Even holding at his hips as he spun around to face the two of them. “What is going on here?” 

“That’s what I’m wondering!” Eskild said, loudly, throwing his hands up and then grabbing Isak’s shoulders with a shake that shook the both of them. “Have you been keeping me in the dark? What is this?” 

“What on earth is all the commotion?” Eva asked as she came out of the common area, Vilde and Linn in tow. 

“I think Even and Isak have some news for us,” Noora pointed to the two of them and leaned against the wall. 

“No way!” Eva hit Isak’s arm and Even just thought it was all just too funny, the reactions, the happiness and unsurprise from their friends. He couldn't help but laugh. He pulled Isak back into his chest as he laughed, running his hands around his stomach and kissing the side of his cheek as the younger boy giggled away with him. 

“Even and I are dating!” Isak said happily, reaching his hands up and putting his hands on either side of Even’s cheeks, squeezing them a little. Even’s lips pushed into a pucker and so he decided to kiss the top of Isak’s head. 

“Isak that is barely a story, I need details, you know I need details,” Eskild said and walked passed everyone, heading for the common area, “let’s go, it’s story time!”

Isak rolled his eyes and looked at Even, giving him a gentle kiss on the lips before pulling him out through the girls and after Eskild. He led Even to the couch, but before he sat, Even took his hips, pulled him back and sat down before him. Just so he could pull Isak into his lap. Even liked being able to do things like this now. It wasn’t like Isak had never sat in his lap or vice versa before, but now it wasn’t just for fun, or because there was no other place to sit. It was because they were happy to be this close and wanted to be physically close to each other. 

Even couldn’t see himself getting sick of it any time soon. 

“So the other day, Wednesday actually, Even and I decided to go for a walk…” Isak began telling the story of their first kiss, leading it into how they were both totally ridiculous for so long. Too afraid to tell each other how they really felt because they thought they’d lose each other. Dating other people because they thought that they could just get over the fact that they were head over heels. Isak told it with so much happiness, turning to Even for little details he wasn’t sure of and then kissing him because he just felt like it. 

They may not have said the words yet, but god, Even loved him so much.  
*

The pregame was in full swing about an hour after they arrived, Jonas actually being the last one to show up, already a little drunk and half of a six pack hanging in his fingers. Isak saw him walk in the living room, Eva running up to him and greeting him with a kiss. He grabbed her waist and kissed her back before opening one of the three beers left in his pack and following her to the middle of the room to dance. 

Isak had been sitting and talking to Even, having drank two beers so far, and taken one shot with Eva. He kept telling Even that he wasn’t going to get too drunk, but he was already buzzing and he wanted at least a little more. Besides, Even kept looking at him like he knew it was a lie, so obviously he didn’t think it was that big of a deal. 

“Do you want me to get you another drink, babe?” Even asked as Isak watched Jonas and Eva from across the room. Isak shook his head a little, feeling bad as he looked back to Even, hoping that he wasn’t making Even feel jealous or upset with his staring. He cupped Even’s face and looked at him a little worriedly. 

“That’s okay, Even,” Isak said gently, pulling himself a little closer in his lap and pressing his forehead to Even’s. “But, hey, just so you know, I only want to be with you. Like, really truly. Only you, you’re all I’ve thought of for years and years and I wouldn’t do anything to ruin the idea of finally having you. Never.”

“Isak, it’s fine,” Even pecked his lips and ran a hand through his hair. “I understand, really. You’re a good guy and you actually care, it’s sweet. You can talk to Jonas, really, I’ll try not to get too jealous.” 

“Okay,” Isak kissed both sides of his mouth and then placed a gentle, slightly parted kiss to his lips, pulling away with a dramatic “mwah!” “Do you remember our first kiss? Imagine we still kissed like that?”

“You just did,” Even laughed, caressing his face gently. Isak couldn’t help but smile brighter. Even remembered what the kiss was like, too. It wasn’t just something that was just special to Isak, but it was also special to Even and that sort of meant the world to him. “And if that’s how you want to kiss me, I’ll kiss you like that forever.”

“As long as you kiss me forever, I don’t care how,” Isak said, then smirked a little and poked at his chest, “or _where_.” He wouldn’t usually be so open sexually, but he was buzzed and he had Even beneath him and he felt like he could probably talk dirty to him all night. He might actually be able to be more open sexually with Even, and that made him even happier to think about. 

“Yeah?” Even raised both his eyebrows and looked him in the eyes with amusement. He ran his hands down Isak’s sides and just smirked back. Isak wondered if he thought about him sexually as often as Isak had thought of Even over the years. If Even ever pictured Mikael as Isak or if he ever accidentally moaned his name while they were in bed together. He doubted it, but it was nice to think that maybe he could have. He _did_ say he liked Isak for that long.

“ _Yes_ ,” Isak ran a slow hand through Even’s hair, “More on that later, I’m going to go get that beer now.”

“And talk to Jonas?” Even asked as Isak got up off his lap. It seemed like it was because he wanted to know where Isak was, what he was doing. But, maybe it was just so he didn’t sit around waiting for him.

“Probably if I can get him away from Eva for a second,” Isak shrugged and looked around, seeing Noora and Sana talking across the room. “You should go talk to Sana, she’s probably happy to see you out and about.”

Even nodded and Isak gave him one last kiss before heading out to the kitchen, going into the fridge and grabbing a beer. Mahdi and Chris were sitting at the table, smoking a joint. 

“Isak, I thought you weren’t drinking tonight,” Mahdi said as Isak cracked open the beer. He turned to him and Chris and shrugged, not wanting to get into specifics as to why he was drinking. Mahdi held out the joint to him and raised a brow, “want some?”

“Sure,” Isak walked over, set down his beer and took the joint, taking a hit and looking at the two of them. “It’s like everyone is pairing up, huh? I thought you were going to invite that girl you’re doing that project with, Mahdi?”

“I did, but she already had plans,” Mahdi rolled his eyes with a sigh, and Isak watched him as he took another hit. “She said she can’t wait to see me at the party, but I guess I’m not actually sure she’s interested anymore, so I might just blow her off. I’m not going to be some second choice once she’s alcoholed up.” 

“Oh, come on,” Isak handed back the joint and clapped a hand on Mahdi’s shoulder. “You were totally into her the other day, you should give her a chance. Maybe she is interested, people have plans, and I mean, it’s possible she felt awkward at the idea of meeting literally all of your friends at once. Give her a damn chance! What if it's true love?” 

“Jeez, get a boyfriend now you’re full of that gooey shit, Isak,” Mahdi laughed, and Isak shrugged and smiled. He was probably always full of it, just too afraid to say things like that. Too afraid that being so into romance would give him away. 

“I’m just saying, it’s possible,” Isak shrugged and started walking away, “think about it!”

When Isak walked back out into the common area, Eva was over talking to Even, Sana and Noora. They all seemed to be laughing at something and Isak watched as Even tossed his head back, showing his teeth through it. It was a really fucking pretty site, and an intoxicating sound he could hear even over the music, and it was everything Isak had in him not to go over there and kiss him wildly. Even met his eyes when he settled back into listening to something Eva was saying, smiling at Isak. He smiled back and gave him a wink—just a subtle reminder that he was completely taken by him—before looking away to find Jonas. 

He was talking to Eskild, Magnus and Vilde were sitting next to them on the couch, making out. It was weird, seeing Magnus get action. He hadn’t even kissed a girl before he was a first year, and now he was getting Vilde. And, yeah, Vilde was odd, so it kind of made sense, But Isak still thought she was out of his league. Experience-wise, anyway. He walked over to the couch, giving Eskild and Jonas a wave. 

“Hey guys,” Isak licked his lips and took another sip of his beer. The couple hits he had taken from the joint had escalated his buzz a little more, making him feel closer to drunk, his head spinning happily and his stomach feeling warm. “Jonas, you think I could talk to you for a moment?”

“Isak,” Eskild said with a warning tone, his eyebrows going up in shock. “Are you drunk, is that a good idea?”

“I’m fine, Eskild,” Isak waved at him and then reached for Jonas’s hand, pulling him up, “but don’t worry, it’s not like we’re sneaking off to the bathroom or something.”

“Isak’s place of choice,” Jonas said with a laugh, giving Eskild a look and then letting Isak pull him to the far side of the room. Isak rolled his eyes, because he was so not referring to what they did in the bathroom. He was just merely trying to say that they wouldn’t go someplace to be alone, out of sight, where things could—but wouldn’t—happen. 

“Jonas,” Isak said a little sadly, leaning up against the wall and looking at him, “I feel bad, I guess. I didn’t expect things with me and Even to take off, especially so soon after things happened between me and you. I just, you’re happy with Eva, right? Because it’s like, it’s like you’ve been acting all weird around me and the boys and I thought that we were supposed to be friends and I don’t know.”

“Chill, Isak,” Jonas said, placing a hand on his shoulder and meeting his gaze. “ _Before_ today, before you telling us about Even, I thought maybe I could get you back. If I’m being completely honest, anyway. Not that I was going to end things with Eva. I just thought that you and I had a good time, and so it was confusing when you decided to end things. Especially because you were sad enough to go to Eskild? Why did you end it if it was going to make you sad?”

“That’s difficult, Jonas,” Isak sighed and leaned back, slumping more against the wall and looking at him sadly. He had thought that they had a possible future just a few days ago, but now he knew they didn’t and he was worried about the confusion Jonas was feeling. “I wanted something concrete. If you were going to be with Eva, then literally everything is up in the air. Besides, I don’t even think you want to date guys. Just mess around with them.”

“That’s uh, kind of insulting, Isak?” Jonas raised a brow and put his hand on the wall next to Isak’s shoulder, his new stance being kind of intimidating. Isak swallowed hard. 

“Is it not true? You said yourself that you couldn’t see yourself going on dates with me, that you couldn’t buy me flowers?” Isak raised a brow, feeling Jonas loom closer, wondering if he should duck away because they were getting pretty damn close now. Was Even seeing this? What did it look like to everyone else in the room?

“I don’t know,” Jonas sighed a little and got even closer yet, his arm beginning to bend. “I thought maybe you were going to help me figure it out, though.” 

“I-I can’t be your experiment,” Isak put a hand on his chest, ready to push him away if he got any closer. “I want to be able to help you, I do. But I can’t help you that way. I’m in love with Even and I have been for years and I’m sorry. I never wanted to lead you on.” Isak looked down at his feet, remembering that those were the words Jonas had said to him that day at the skatepark when he ended things. 

“You love him? But don't you feel this?” Jonas picked up his chin with his finger, looking him in the eyes and getting his face even closer as he searched for the truth. Isak was wondering if he was trying to confuse him. Yeah, okay, he wouldn’t lie and say there wasn’t some sort of chemistry there, but he wasn’t confused about what he wanted. He just got Even, he wouldn’t destroy that, not now.

“I do feel it,” he said quietly and truthfully before gently pushing Jonas away, and telling him, "but I do love Even." He looked around to see if anyone noticed the interaction, moving away from the wall to step farther away from Jonas as he did. Eskild had joined Even’s group and the two of them were looking over intensely. He was only able to meet Even’s gaze for a moment before Jonas was grabbing him again.

“You’ve loved him for a long time?” Jonas asked and took Isak’s arm with one hand and his chin with the other, stepping close again. Making him look him in the eye, like he was trying to catch some lie, some glimmer of hope for the two of them. Isak swatted his hand on his face away and nodded, keeping the eye contact. 

“I have, I’m sorry,” Isak swallowed hard and took a step back, crashing into someone behind him. He turned around beginning to apologize, stopping when he realized who it was. 

“Is he bothering you, Isak?” Even asked, quickly sidestepping and moving himself in front of Isak. Once he was close to Jonas, he pushed him back, much harder than Isak had. “Stay the hell away from my boyfriend. Don’t think I didn’t see him pushing you away, just for you to start pulling shit again. You’re lucky I don’t kick your ass.”

“Even,” Isak quickly grabbed his hand and tried to pull him back when suddenly Jonas was lunging at Even and pushing him back into Isak. Isak was knocked on the floor before he even knew what happened, letting go of Even’s hand. Even was already throwing fists by the time he got himself back up. The two boys were quickly wrestling to the ground with grunts and punches and tangled legs. Isak screamed for them to stop, trying to pull them away from each other when then rest of the party noticed and rushed over to help him. It took a few minutes to wrangle the two of them with their flailing limbs, but they got them apart before either of them could get too hurt. In the end, Isak and Eskild ended up holding each of Even’s arms and Eva and Magnus got Jonas’s, holding the two of them back. 

“Jesus, what is going _on_?” Mahdi asked, stepping between the boys and looking from Even to Jonas a couple of times, waiting for an answer. Everyone was.

“Ask your new pal Jonas,” Even practically spat, chest heaving, lip bleeding and cheekbone already starting to bruise. “He’s seriously got some issues to work out. Eva, seriously, get a hold on your man or he’s literally going to get his ass beat.” 

“Oh right, like _I’m_ the one with the issues, here,” Jonas rolled his eyes, his left one beginning to bruise while blood dripped from his nose. The fight didn’t seem to have a clear winner, but Isak was just glad that they stopped it before it got to the point where a winner could be declared. 

“Even, let’s just get out of here, okay?” Isak asked gently, moving in front of Even and putting a hand on his cheek with a frown. “I think we just need to leave Jonas alone for now, okay?” He turned around and looked at everyone—who all looked seriously confused—and sighed, talking louder and to everyone now, “I’m sorry guys, this is my fault. Just, get on with your party and we’ll see you later.” 

He turned and looked at Jonas with a glare. He guessed maybe he was wrong, they weren’t supposed to be friends. Maybe there was too much chemistry. But he didn’t care about that stupid chemistry right now, he just wanted to be with Even. He wished that he had never kissed Jonas in the first place. He switched his eyes to Eva and looked at her apologetically. He didn’t think Jonas was going to be what she needed either, and he felt sorry for her. 

“Aw come one, you guys don’t need to go, we can just move on with the night, can’t we?” Vilde asked, her bottom lip pouting out as she clasped her hands in front of her in plea. “We can totally pick this back up, I know it!”

Eva and Magnus let go of Jonas and he was storming down the hall, Eva sighing and chasing after him. Isak hoped that they actually talked, he thought they needed it. Isak rubbed his face and took Even’s hand. He really did feel like all of this was his own fault. He just _had_ to go and talk to Jonas. If he hadn’t none of this would have happened. 

“Sorry guys, but I’m just not in the mood to party anymore,” Isak shook his head and started pulling Even, “So I think we’ll go...unless you want to stay. You can stay, if you want,” Isak looked at Even, realizing it wasn’t really his place to tell him to go home with him, even though it’d probably be better if he did. 

“I’ll go with you,” Even shook his head, worry in his eyes as he met Isak’s. _Good,_ Isak thought. He hoped Even was worried about if he was mad at him or not. He had everything with Jonas under control before Even came along. Yeah, he had pushed him away and Jonas came back, but he was just about to get away, it was about to be fine and then Even had to go and push him. Not that Jonas should have jumped the way he did. Even _did_ had a tiny spark of right to push him, and Jonas just literally took that and ran a mile with it. There had been no reason for a fight. And maybe Isak should have been flattered to have two guys fighting over him, but instead he just felt awful.

 

**~Saturday Morning~**  
*  
“You know how much your mom is going to worry when she sees your face?” Isak told Even when he woke up the next morning. It hadn’t been the first thing he said, but it was the first real thing he said. Even was a little annoyed that he was keeping him at a distance. The night before had been a little torturous. 

Isak had walked home with him in silence, holding his hand but walking quietly with a completely unreadable face. When Even started to talk, he’d just say that he needed quiet, he needed to think. When they got home, Isak helped slip him into the bathroom without his parents noticing, cleaned up his lip for him and then sneaked him to his room. He listened to Isak when he told him to lay down and waited for him while he got ice. He held it to his cheek for him and nursed him quietly. The quiet was killing him. 

“How bad is it?” Even put a hand on his face, wincing as he touched the bruise on his cheek. It felt pretty bad.

“As bad as it feels, Ev,” Isak sighed and sat up, stretching a little, Even watched for a moment or two and then sat up with him. He took his chin and turned his head, looking him in the eyes and pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. 

“I’m sorry, Isak,” he told him and then moved to straddle his lap to look at him head on. They were only in boxers, so there wasn’t much in between them, and Even liked that. “I shouldn’t have pushed or fought with Jonas and I’m sorry. I just got jealous and I lost my temper. I saw how close he was getting to you, I saw the way he was looking at you.”

“I had it handled, though,” Isak said, looking at him sternly. “I know I told you I don’t mind you sticking up for me, but this was a totally different situation. Jonas… I think he’s really confused, Even. I feel bad for him, I feel bad for Eva because I don’t know how serious he is and she really likes him. He said he hoped that I would help him become less confused.”

“You fucking blew him, what else does he need?” Even said, trying to keep himself in control of his anger, but the more Isak talked about him, the more he wanted to hit him again. So, he wanted to use Isak as some sort of experiment and then kick him to the curb after he got what he wanted? Fuck that. 

“ _Even_ ,” Isak groaned and reached up, ghosting his hand over the bruise Even knew was there. Just the air around it moving like that made it feel tender. “Just because that happened, I don’t know. I mean, I’ve let girls go down on me but I’m not into girls at all. I don’t necessarily think it’s a selling point. I mean, I know it’s a stereotype but we’re horny teenage boys, it’s not actually that difficult to get it up.”

“He was totally sober, Isak,” Even rolled his eyes. Isak’s drunk hookups with girls were nothing compared to a midday, sober, _public_ bathroom blow job. Isak had to know that on some level, didn’t he? “I just, I don’t trust his intentions. If he’s really looking for an experiment, why doesn’t he do it with someone who doesn’t care? Someone who doesn’t have a boyfriend?”

“He should, you’re right, I know that,” Isak sighed, resting a hand on Even’s neck and looking him in the eyes. “I’m not saying that you were totally in the wrong, I’m not. I’m just saying I know what it’s like to be confused and I feel bad that I gave him that sort of hope that I could help him and then literally dropped him days later. And now I’m with you and it’s like I’m jumping from person to person and I feel...I don’t know.”

“Seriously, Isak?” Even sighed and ran his hands up and down Isak’s sides, loving the feeling of his smooth skin underneath his, “You shouldn’t feel like a bad person or anything like that. I thought you liked that people looked at you like you’re a player, for crying out loud. You’re trying to figure yourself out, too, you know. As long as you’re following your heart, I see nothing wrong with what you’re doing.”

“I guess there’s a difference between people saying you’re a player and actually being one,” Isak shrugged. “I don’t like feeling like I’m hurting someone. I don’t want to have hurt Jonas. And...and I don’t want you thinking I’m going to jump from you back to him or to anyone else. I want you, Even.”

“Baby,” Even laughed lightly and squeezed his sides. Had Even fighting Jonas made Isak think that he thought Isak was going to leave him? He didn’t mean to. He knew that there was no way he and Isak had a shelf life of a couple of days. He believed Isak when he told him that he wanted to be with him before he went off to talk to Jonas. He could tell. “I don’t think that. I think you and I...well I think we belong together, okay? I don’t think that that can be torn apart so easily. And I don’t think you hurt Jonas. I think Jonas is hurting himself. Only he can figure himself out.” 

“ _Baby_ ,” Isak said back, as if it was the only thing he heard out of all of that. He was smiling, finally, a hand resting on the back of his neck and the other sliding down his arm. “I like that we’ve already got the pet names going.”

“Hey, you called me _babe_ before we were even dating, so you started it,” Even laughed and couldn't help but kiss him. Pressing his lips hard against Isak’s and pushing him back to the bed as he straddled his hips and kissed him and kissed him until he needed to come up for air.  
*

**~Saturday Afternoon~**

Isak and Even spent as much of the day as they could in Even’s room. Isak grabbed some cereal and some peaches from the kitchen and they decided to just watch movies. Isak was trying not to think about the night, trying not to think about the tangled web he weaved on that first day he kissed Jonas. Back then he had known that something was going on between Jonas and Eva; back then he had known that he was in love with Even. But, he kissed Jonas to satisfy himself and now all of these people were getting subsequently hurt. Weren’t they? Eva, Jonas, Even, himself?

“Do you want to go talk to Eskild with me?” Isak looked at Even curiously. He and Eskild developed this relationship where he was pretty sure Eskild could help with anything, relieve the stress if not anything else. But, he wasn't in the mood to leave Even alone. He didn't know if he was ever going to want to leave Even's side again. 

“Why are you going to talk to Eskild?” Even raised an eyebrow and reached out to Isak, running a hand up his arm. “You can talk to me, you know. I realize things have been different. Maybe our friendship has changed, but I still want you to talk to me, Isak. You’re still my best friend.”

“Even, I’m not choosing to talk to Eskild instead of you,” Isak sighed and looked at him, feeling bad that Even might feel he was finding himself a new best friend in Eskild. Eskild was there for him, sure, but Even would always, always be his best friend. “Eskild was just helping me, I mean, I was afraid to tell you I’m gay because I thought it’d give away my feelings, you know? And, Eskild has just been helpful with everything. You’re still my best friend, too.”

“So you’re not keeping anything from me, then?” Even raised a brow and took Isak by the hips. They were lying in Even’s bed, watching each other from their own respective pillows. Eskild came to mind and he realized he should talk to him about Jonas. About what to do. He didn’t think it’d be this whole ordeal with Even. 

Besides. Isak wasn’t keeping anything from Even. Well, nothing important. There was shit about his dad that happened so long ago that it didn’t matter. He didn’t want to talk about it at all. He didn’t need to. It didn’t matter. 

“Isak?” Even raised a brow and got closer. “Is there something Eskild knows that I don’t?”

“Well, I mean you already know my Dad’s an asshole,” Isak shrugged and looked away. Did he need to know the specifics, need to know that his Dad had been so cruel? That he had no idea where his Dad was in general? “Eskild knows that. I just never told you that I talked to him about that.”

“You don’t talk to anyone about that,” Even said, taking a hand and putting it on his cheek to bring him back to look him in the eye. “Why did you talk to him about it?”

“It was a while ago,” Isak looked back at him, pleading with his eyes to tell him not to push it. He didn’t want to talk about it. He hated talking about his Dad. “I was drunk and I guess I just wanted to talk about it, so I did. That’s it. I don’t want to talk about it now, either. So can we drop it?” 

“Yeah, sorry,” Even sighed and pecked him on the lips, “I just want you to know that if you ever do want to talk about it, if it’s bugging you or something, you can talk to me. You can always talk to me. No matter what happens between you and me.” 

“I will, I promise,” Isak nodded and ran a gentle hand through Even’s hair, resting it on the back of his neck and pulling himself closer to kiss him for real. Even helped, gripping his hips and pulling him in. It was simple and electric all at once. Isak loved the way Even’s lips overlapped with his own. The way they seemed to fit in between his own perfectly. Nice and plump and full of passion. All Isak wanted to do was kiss him like that forever, roll on top of him and kiss him, take all of his clothes off and feel him. Kiss him everywhere. 

But instead he pulled back and pressed his forehead to Even’s, catching his breath. Even’s eyes were lidded, full of passion as they were glued on his. Isak would do anything he could to keep Even looking at him like that forever. 

“What do you think your parents would do if they walked in on us like this?” Isak asked quietly, not exactly wanting to ruin the moment, but wanting to know the answer to the question. It was possible they could keep their secret for a while, but it was also really possible that they could be found out at any second. Besides, he kind of wanted Even’s parents’ okay on the matter. Wanted them to accept the two of them. 

“I don’t know,” Even shrugged and nuzzled his nose against Isak’s with a little sigh. “I don’t think they would be mad or anything. But, maybe there’d be more rules, I don’t know.” 

“Are we going to tell them?”

“Eventually,” Even rolled on his back and pulled Isak on top of him. “Let’s just be glad for now that they’re generally good at knocking.” 

 

 **~Saturday Night~**  
*  
Even and Isak decided that they'd stay home for the night. Their friends were planning a pregame at Eva’s and that definitely meant Jonas would be there. It would just be better to stay away from him for now. For the sake of everyone, it would just be better. Besides, Ana was having her friend over for the night and both of them were more than a little curious to meet the boy. She may have seemed too young to have something going on with the boy, but she was the same age Isak was when he had his first kiss with Even. So, anything was possible. 

“So you’re not afraid he’s going to go through your stuff?” Isak asked him, they had moved to Isak’s room, letting Erik put his overnight bag in Even’s. Isak was throwing all of his clothes in his closet to try to make it a little cleaner and Even was laying on his bed, hands behind his head as he stared at the ceiling. 

“I don’t have anything to hide,” Even said with a shrug. It was mostly true. There was a stack of comics he drew about him and Isak in one of his desk drawers. But, it was underneath a ton of random schoolwork that he shoved in there, hoping that someone searching would get bored by all the boring stuff before they got to the drawings. He imagined a nine-year-old boy wouldn’t be a problem there. “Not like you.”

“Me??” Isak turned around, eyebrows going up into his curls as he looked at him questioning. Acting like he didn’t have anything to hide, when Even knew that there was at least one thing in his drawers he hadn’t ever told him about. 

“Jaaaa,” Even rolled his eyes and sat up, looking at him knowingly. He didn’t care that Isak kept this from him, it was actually kind of amusing to him. “Remember the other day when I grabbed you those boxers? I found the lube in your underwear drawer. That getting a lot of use?”

“Shut up,” Isak groaned and started turning red, shutting his closet door and leaning against it with his hands over his face. 

“That’s not an answer,” Even smirked and moved to sit on the edge of the bed, watching him with wonder. Isak was definitely a horny teenage boy, Even was well aware. He was just curious as to how far that horniness went. “So, have you used it?”

“Are you asking if I’m a virgin?” Isak put his hands on his hips and looked at him incredulously. “Because I am. You know I would have told you.” Isak walked over to him and rested his hands on Even’s shoulders, looking down at him with raised eyebrows. Even felt a slight relief, kind of happy that he still had the opportunity to be Isak’s first. Another thing on the list of Isak’s firsts that he got to be. Still no excuse for the lube though, no answer on if it was used. It only made Even’s mind wander because, well, he was a horny teenage boy, too. 

“That’s not what I’m asking,” Even was still smirking, he couldn’t help himself. He snaked his hands around to Isak’s ass and gave it a squeeze. “I asked if you used it.” 

“Ja,” Isak admitted with a bit of defeat, his cheeks heating up. 

“Ja?” Even couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows, completely amused that Isak had just given that up on hiding the truth. He moved his hands to Isak’s hips and tugged him closer, his chin meeting Isak’s chest. He moved back a little bit more on the bed and pulled him into his lap, moving his lips to his ear and speaking softly, “D’ya finger yourself, baby?” 

“Eveeennn,” Isak whined and pushed away a little, though Even could feel the shiver down his back as he had said it. He dropped his head to Even’s shoulder and let out another little groan before going on, “are we really talking about this? I—we haven’t even...God, Even you haven’t even touched me yet. Well, not really.”

“Did you want me to?” On some level, Even already knew the answer to that, could feel Isak’s reactions to his touch, could remember the words Isak said when he was drinking, he didn’t care _where_ Even kissed him. On another, he couldn’t help but notice the way Isak started to pull away when their kisses started getting heated. He didn’t want to cross any lines with Isak that he didn’t want. Especially since what happened with Emma, he didn’t want to make him feel pressured. Maybe Isak wanted to take things slow. He could deal with that, and so he’d kind of been letting Isak take the lead. 

“Well, yeaaah,” Isak said, lifting his head and looking at him, “I mean, I’ve been dreaming about being with you for years. Which I can’t believe I just said. But, uh, at the same time—and I can’t believe I’m telling you this, either—I want it to be special? Because you’re special to me.”

“You’re special to me, too,” Even smiled, happy that Isak was actually talking to him about this. Even had never been shy about sex. He told Isak everything, almost every time. It was bragging for the most part, he also wanted to make sure Isak would talk to him. He wanted to be able to know when Isak was becoming sexually active. Which, was probably a little creepy, but he loved the idea. “So, you want all of it to be special, hmm? Like, say I just kind of spit in my hand and stuck it down your pants right now? Or do you need candles?”

Isak rolled his eyes and hit his shoulder playfully, “You could do that without the candles, asshole. But, today, right now, is probably not the best time. All of your family is home, awake, plus there's an extra nine-year-old that could be on the other side of that door at any time." Isak pointed to the door between their rooms and raised his eyebrows at Even. 

“God, why are you always so conscientious, huh?” 

“It’s just something you love about me,” Isak teased and pressed his lips to Even’s. And, he was certain in that moment that there wasn’t anything he didn’t love about Isak.  
*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and enjoying and yessss. :)  
> Comment/Kudooooo pls.


	7. It's Hard For Me To Make Amends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey sorry I realize I was updating like, every other day and then I made you wait a ton but I've been a little busy and this chapter was a little more difficult. I had outlines and stuff and then characters started to get out of control and I had to reel it back.
> 
> But lol a lot goes on in this chapter and it's still a bit of a mess. Buckle up folks.

**~Early Sunday Morning~**

Waking with a gasp, Isak sat straight up in bed. He ran the back of his hand over his forehead, wiping the sweat off as he breathed deep. God, what a dream. He squirmed a little, immediately glad he wasn’t in Even’s bed. 

“ _Faen_ ,” He breathed quietly into the darkness of the room. There was a familiar, sticky wetness between his legs. And, usually he was able to wake himself up from these dreams before they hit that point, after all, they had to be a dream and usually he could figure that out before the climax. But it seemed so real this time, hard to decipher because—

“Isak,” Even said quietly, pressing a light hand to his back and making him jump. Maybe he wasn’t in Even’s bed, but Even was there with him. He could only imagine that Even would poke fun at him if he found out Isak just had a wet dream, that he was sitting there in his own come, sweating from the climax. Just the way he’d poked fun about the lube, his question half amused, half sexy. 

_D’ya finger yourself, baby?_ Isak hadn’t answered because, jesus what did that even mean about him? He didn’t want to admit it but he had twice in his life. Only twice. The lube had been sitting in that drawer untouched for months now. He hadn’t planned on using it again unless he was with someone. And now Even was probably going to be that someone and he was asking questions like _that_.

The first time he used it, he’d just been curious, dipping a finger into himself and swirling it around. Once he hit a place that made him make a noise he’d never heard out of his own mouth, he stopped and finished himself off with a lubed hand over his dick. He was too embarrassed, even though he’d been alone. The second time, he was drunk and had just came home from a party where he’d basically been watching Even and Mikael grind all over each other all night. He was drunk enough not to care about what it meant that it had felt so good, pressing a pillow over his face and pumping a couple fingers in and out until he couldn’t take it anymore and came all over himself.

But, it meant something, didn’t it? Especially now that he was with Even, who he was certain had never been a bottom before. Even was too dominant for that role, wasn’t he? But Isak wasn’t a bottom, he wasn’t anything, he didn’t think. He dreamed about fucking Even just as much as he dreamed about Even fucking him. Even just now, in his dream, he’d been staring down at Even, watching him melt underneath him, shuddering with pleasure that Isak someday hoped to witness for real. 

“Isak, are you okay?” Even was sitting up now. Isak hadn’t answered because he was flush and embarrassed and didn’t know what to do or what to say. He couldn’t just lay back down and soak in his come until it dried his boxers to his thighs. That was too uncomfortable. But he didn’t think there would be a way to get up and take care of it without Even noticing. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Isak turned to him and gave him the best smile he could manage. 

“Did you have a bad dream?” Even raised his eyebrows, watching him curiously and carefully. He’d always been there for Isak when he used to have bad dreams, but Isak hadn’t had one in years. He definitely hadn't just woken from one. 

“No, I, uh,” Isak groaned, thinking that there was no way out of this. He cursed his brain, hating that it couldn’t just control itself. It was like his mind and his dick were working against him lately, he was on the edge of turned on almost all the time, ever since the first kiss with Jonas. As if the awakening of his sexuality made him some uncontrollable sex freak. “Can you just, like go back to sleep?”

“Are you okay?” Even’s eyebrows furrowed in worry now as he slid his hand up Isak’s back to his shoulder, pulling him to look at Even more directly. 

“Yeah, Ev,” Isak looked back at him, closing his eyes for a moment and rubbing his face, preparing himself to be made fun of. He was a mess—and not just physically—way too sexually charged, having wet dreams and getting himself off between Even’s sheets and trying not to pop a boner all the damn time. Even would definitely make fun of him for it. But there was no other explanation for what was going on. “I just... I had a wet dream, okay?” 

“A wet dream?” Even’s eyebrows shot up and he smiled. Of course he was amused, “Well, Jesus, Isak, why didn’t you just say so? You worried the shit out of me.” He laughed a little and squeezed Isak’s shoulder before letting go of him. “Want me to help clean it up, I could lick it clean.” He wiggled his eyebrows and Isak honestly couldn’t tell if it was a joke or not. 

“Gross,” He rolled his eyes and pushed him away. At least he wasn’t making fun of him, that was something. Isak started to get up—trying to be careful to keep it all contained in his boxers as he did—when Even grabbed his waist and pulled him back. “Even what are you—”

Isak was not expecting what he did next, and he couldn’t tell whether or not he should be grossed out or turned on by the display. Even dipped his hand into his boxers, scooping up some cum on his finger then sucking it off seductively in the dark with an obscene “mmmm.” Isak just sat there, eyes wide and frozen. It was an act of lust and he never really thought the girls who went down on him found him _tasty_ , but Even seemed to enjoy it. There was something about it that made Isak feel wanted, loved, secure, _sexy_. It was amazing how such a small gesture could do all that, making Isak’s heart flutter as he somehow fell even harder for the blonde haired beauty beside him. Even just had a crazy effect on him.

“Can I change now?” Isak raised his eyebrows, trying not to give away the fact that Even just tore him into emotional pieces. Trying to pretend he wasn’t about to cry tears of happiness over such a stupid little thing that Even had probably just done just to be seductive. Trying not to worry that he was going to have another wet dream over that display.

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” Even smiled and leaned back on his hands in bed, tilting his head at him with a small smile on his lips. “But tell me, the dream was about me, right? Or was it DiCaprio?” 

 

 **Later Sunday Morning**  
*  
Isak was still asleep, and usually Even would get up and go join the rest of his family, hating lying in bed for longer than he needed to, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to leave the sleeping beauty next to him and he definitely didn’t want to face his family without Isak. Isak had managed to help him hide the bruise on his face the entire day on Saturday, but there was no way he was going to be able to hide from his parents until it healed. Not without them getting suspicious. 

So he lay there and traced Isak’s features with a gentle finger. He started with his jaw, circling over the entirety of his face, then when he got back to where he started, he traced over his cheekbone and down to where his dimples would be if he were smiling, tracing over his cupid’s-bow lips to the other cheekbone. He then traced under his eye, up and down his nose, then under and over the other eye, slow and gentle. Isak twitched every now and then, scrunched up his nose as if he was being tickled. It was adorable, and Even loved every second of watching him like this. Loved that he could be so precious, so fragile but also sexually charged enough to have wet dreams about him. It made him want to cuddle and protect him and jump into the sheets naked with him all at the same time.

When it seemed like Isak was starting to wake up, Even moved his finger from his face and slid it down Isak’s side instead. He watched as Isak’s eyelids fluttered open, looking at him with a small smile playing over his sleepy features as he realized where he was: in Even’s arms.

“Good morning, Isak,” Even told him with a smile, kissing his forehead and squeezing his side. Isak smiled wider and moved closer with a sleepy sigh, pressing his head into Even’s chest and wrapping his arms around Even’s neck. Even held him tighter and continued to speak gently,“Your phone has been going off for like half an hour. When’d you get so popular?” 

“Half an hour?” Isak asked, his words slow as if he was still half asleep. He pulled away and looked at even, “How long have you been awake?” 

“I don’t know,” Even shrugged nonchalantly, though it was probably over an hour. Maybe an hour and a half and he’d been starting to get antsy. He was just glad that Isak was finally waking up. “A little while, I counted at least like, twenty messages.”

“Probably the group chat with the boys,” Isak shrugged and sat up, reaching over for his phone and looking at it. If that was true, Even would have been getting messages, too. Did he have a separate group chat with the boys without him? Even sat up too and watched him, trying not to be so much of a snoop that he’d check over his shoulder. But he did see enough to know that it wasn't a group chat, but multiple senders. 

“Is that who?” Even asked curiously, getting up and and stretching out.

“Uh.. I’ve got a couple from Eva, some from Eskild, Magnus and Mahdi both asking about _you_...” Isak sighed a little, setting his phone down and then adding quickly, “and a couple from Jonas.” 

“ _Jonas_?” 

“He was just apologizing again,” Isak shrugged and got up, walking over to his dresser and grabbing some sweats. “He said he was just drunk and he didn’t mean anything. And, I know what you’re going to say, that I shouldn’t believe that but honestly, what other choice do I have right now?” He put on his sweats as he talked, looking at Even like he was serious. 

“I still think we should stay away from him,” Even shrugged and then walked over to where he left his sweats the night before, putting them on and pulling up the hood. Maybe putting on the hood would help him cover his bruise. 

“Yeah, I think I’m going to ask Eskild to talk to him, actually,” Isak shrugged and then kicked around some clutter on the floor. Even knew this Jonas stuff was eating at him, but he wasn’t sure what to do about it. It wasn’t like anyone knew what was going on in Jonas’s head besides Jonas. It just sucked for Isak because—and god Even would hate to admit it, would seethe with jealousy if he heard either one of them say it out loud—he had a real connection with the guy. But Jonas would never choose him, and quite frankly, Even wouldn’t let him. Jonas didn’t deserve him. He wouldn’t let Isak go that easily, he couldn’t. 

“You think Eskild could figure out world peace, don’t you?” Even raised a brow and walked around the bed and over to him. He took him by the hips and pulled him closer, looking down at those pretty green, still heavy-lidded eyes. Even wasn’t so sure that a talk with Eskild could actually do anything for Jonas. Didn’t think there was anything worth fixing with Jonas at this point. But, he would let Isak do what he thought was necessary to take the burden off his shoulders. He didn’t want him plagued with this. 

“Well,” Isak chewed it over and shrugged, “I think that it’s worth a shot to send Eskild in before I try again. Which I’ll do when he’s sober, and maybe like, at a distance.” 

“Isak, I don’t think—”

“I know what you think, Even,” Isak pushed himself up on his toes for a moment and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips before pulling back. “But I think that you’re not going to stop me and that you’re not going to ask me not to because you know I’m going to do it anyway.”

“Well, could I at least come with?” Even didn’t want to push. He knew Isak would stop at nothing to try to fix something that he thought was his fault, his responsibility. It was who he was and Even knew what it felt like to be controlled, held back from who you are, so he knew he couldn’t just tell him no. But, Jonas was under his skin and what was _he_ supposed to do? 

“Nope, I don’t see that working out,” Isak smiled and tapped his nose before stepping away and heading to the door of his room, “Now let’s just drop this and go get breakfast, I’m starving. Unless you’re still hiding?”

“Can’t hide forever,” Even shrugged and followed him out with a sigh. It was probably better that they drop all the talk about Jonas, but Even’s mind would reel with it until he knew that it was all over, nothing more to actually speak of. Maybe Jonas could move again, make everything easier for all of them.

Both of his parents were in the kitchen when they got out there. Even could hear cartoons on in the living room and the voices of the two nine-year-olds talking animatedly. He thought happily about his family for a moment before thinking about Isak. Isak was a part of their family now, too, but how was it going to be when his parents found out about the two of them? His dad even called Isak ‘son’ from time to time. Would they treat Isak any differently? Would it change the whole dynamic? Even didn’t want it to take away the only family Isak had. 

“Morning, boys,” Martin said as he looked up from the paper he was reading, looking at Isak, who walked in, in front of Even and then to Even. His smile faltered when he saw Even’s face. He cleared his throat and elbowed Josefine, who looked up and gasped. 

“Even!” She jumped up from her seat and rushed over to him, ready to baby him, make sure that he was okay. “What happened? Did you get into a fight, oh my, you didn’t break your cheekbone, did you? You have such pretty cheekbones. Even, tell me what happened this instant.” 

“I—”

Isak jumped in before he could say anything. “That’s actually my fault. Totally an accident but, yeah. Basically we were just wrestling and I swung to miss, but he leaned in and yeah,” he coughed a little, the way he did when he was making up lies on the spot, clearing his throat before going on, “guess I don’t know my own strength. I already checked it out though, just a bruise.” 

“Isak, you must pack quite a wallop!” Martin exclaimed and looked at Isak with what Even thought was a bit of pride. Pride in Isak for his fake ability to punch that hard. The way a dad would. Even if it was to punch his only actual son, which was kind a funny thing to have pride in. 

“Martin!” Even’s mom said, gently touching the bruise. Even hissed and pulled away, it was still tender. She put her hands on her hips and looked around at the three of them as she went on, “Do not encourage that kind of behavior. You boys should be much more careful, I mean my goodness. I thought we were done with the wrestling after Isak ended up needing those stitches.”

Even groaned, not liking to be reminded of the time he made Isak need to be rushed to the hospital to get stitches. It was two years prior, and the two were in his room, wrestling as they did from time to time. It wasn’t anything serious, just one of them would playfully shove another and the next thing they knew they’d be on the ground, rolling around, laughing and trying to dominate the other. Even usually came out on top, being a couple years older having given him a bit of a muscular advantage that Isak was vastly catching up with. 

That time, Isak was about to claim victory. And he was smiling and laughing and Even absolutely loved the sight. So he let him think that he was going to win, gave him the first two seconds of the pin down and then shoved Isak off of him on three. He must not have been expecting it, because he went flying. Even didn’t think he had _that much_ strength, but the way Isak flew back told him otherwise. Isak hit the back of his head on the corner of Even’s desk, his head immediately dripping with blood that freaked both of the boys out, had them screaming for help. Even’s parents rushed in and then had to take him to the hospital. 

When Isak’s Dad got there, Josefine and Martin made Even apologize to him, which was hard because Even didn’t like him enough to look in his face, let alone apologize for something he didn’t mean to happen in the first place. Isak left—to go home with his dad, against both of the boys pleas—with six stitches on the back of his head and a playful vengeance against Even. But, he never actually did get him back for it. 

“I guess I just finally wanted my payback,” Isak said and laughed, shooting Even a wink and then walking over to the fridge nonchalantly. “Sorry, though, won’t happen again.”  
*

**~Sunday Afternoon~**

“You wish you could beat me up, Valtersen,” Even was saying, pushing Isak’s shoulder playfully. They were back in his bed, discussing all the times the two had wrestled. A lot of them blurred together, but one thing was always clear: Even had always been stronger. However, they hadn’t wrestled in two years and Isak was finally starting to fill out in his chest, arms, abs, legs, and everywhere really, while Even just grew taller and lankier every year. It wasn’t like he lacked muscle, and Isak certainly wouldn’t complain, he thought the boy’s body was beautiful the way it was. He was just saying that he was pretty sure he’d stand a better chance with him now. 

“I so could,” Isak raised his eyebrows and pushed Even’s shoulder back. “Want me to prove it?”

“Are we going to wrestle?” Even raised his eyebrows, “Isn’t that like, domestic violence?”

“Hey,” Isak said, and moved on top of him, taking his shoulders and pinning him down. Even didn’t squirm or protest, just looked up at him with those ever-amused eyes. “That shit’s not a joke. Besides, I would never hurt you for real.” 

“That’s not what I’m afraid of,” Even said smugly, and it was cute. Isak knew Even really would beat himself up if he actually hurt Isak again. Even back when he ended up getting stitches, Even waited on him as much as both their parents would let him. He’d walk Isak home and help him clean out the stitches if something got in them because he felt terrible about it. He’d even buy him his favorite snacks and deliver them with little comic strips he’d drawn for Isak.

“Then you have nothing to be afraid of because I would totally kick your ass,” Isak pushed down on his shoulders a little roughly, moving his knees to Even’s hips and keeping them there tight, just in case he tried to escape. But he didn’t, he just smiled and looked up at Isak, and ugh, it made Isak want to kiss him so bad. So, he leaned down to.

But right before their lips could touch, Even hooked one of his own legs around one of Isak’s, took him by the hips and caught him off guard. Effectively rolling on top of Isak triumphantly. As if that wasn’t completely cheating. He leaned down and brushed his lips against Isak’s. 

“You’re such a cheater,” Isak said with a sigh against his lips, a hand slipping to the back of his neck as he pulled Even down to kiss him harder. Kissing was definitely better than wrestling, he would give Even that much. But, to catch Isak off guard like that, well that didn’t mean anything. Isak would prove to him that he at least stood a chance against Even. Maybe he’d finally challenge him to that arm wrestling contest he never got to. 

Even let out a brief laugh against his lips and kissed him back harder, deeper. Soon, their lips were parting, tongues slipping and sliding against one another, bodies heating up as their legs intertwined. Isak’s heart beat fast as he connected with him like this. It was electric and passionate and completely mind-altering to be tangled up with Even in this way. He had never thought he’d see the day but here it was and it all just felt _so good_. He glided his hands through Even’s hair while Even’s hands trailed up the side of his shirt. His fingertips left trails of nerve-endings pleading for more of his touch as they worked their way up Isak’s body. 

They kissed like that for a while, taking off each other’s shirts, kissing each other’s necks and shoulders and collarbones. Just letting the intimacy rest there, exploring this half of each other before they went any farther. Leaving little bite marks and hickeys on each other’s pecks, careful not to mark up anywhere that wouldn’t be covered by a t-shirt. And it was all so intimate and sure. So _nice_ to be with Even like that. 

So nice that they didn’t notice when the door opened, just heard the small gasp when Ana saw them there all over each other like that. Isak’s eyes shot open as Even jumped up off of him, rolling over and grabbing his shirt as if it was going to be his saving grace. 

“Ana, faen, why don’t you _knock_ ,” Even said with a groan, running a hand through his hair while Isak just sat up, pulling his knees to his chest. This had to be it. Ana was a known tattletale. Even’s parents would know soon enough because there was no way she’d keep mouth shut about this. 

“Mom wanted me to ask if you would take Erik home,” Ana said, leaning against the door with a mischievous smile as she looked between the two. She was only nine but Isak could only imagine what vindictive thoughts were already brewing in her mind. “He’s gotta be home for dinner and she and Dad are both busy making dinner, so _you_ have to drive. Isak can come too.”

“Is he ready to leave now?” Even asked, pulling on his shirt and handing Isak his. Ana nodded her head and stood there, watching the two put their shirts back on. “Fine, but not a _word_ about what you just saw until we get in the car. Deal?” 

“Sure!” She nodded and skipped away to go find Erik. Even turned to Isak and looked at him, a little defeated. 

“Any idea what we can bribe a nine-year-old with?” He raised a brow and got up, running his hands through his hair to salvage his do. Isak shrugged and grabbed a snapback of his own. “Faen, alright, just follow my lead. I’m sure she wants _something_.”

*  
Driving Erik home had been pretty quiet and Even’s mind was reeling. What did 9-year-old’s want? When he was nine, he would have been happy with some ice cream and a fresh art supply kit. Even could do that, get Ana some art supplies, take her out for ice cream, easy. But, for some reason, he had a feeling that she was going to want more. She was wise beyond her years, she could be mischievous and just plain evil if she wanted something from Even. All because she wanted more attention. Apparently Even got too much because of his disorder, and then throw on Isak being adored by their parents and, well, it wasn’t like he couldn’t see where she was coming from. It was just ridiculous and a lot of the time he just wanted her to grow the fuck up. 

After Erik got out and went into the house, Even put a hand on the back of Isak’s seat, turning to Ana and raising his brows, “So, what is it going to take for you to keep your mouth shut about this?” 

“Depends on how important it is for you to keep it a secret,” Ana crossed her arms and looked at him with the most mature seriousness a nine-year-old could muster. 

“Well, it’s not like it’s going to be a secret forever,” Even shot back. It would be easy to get out of her blackmailing by just going home and telling his parents about it. But, Even hadn’t had enough time to figure out all possible comebacks for all their possible arguments about it. He needed things to stay the way they were; he liked things the way they were. He couldn’t let them change. 

“But doesn’t Mom want you to be more _honest_?” Ana sat up straighter as she spoke matter-of-factly. Even wanted to groan. He thought for sure Ana had been on his side during that argument, but maybe she was just gathering information to use against him in a situation just like this. Literally evil. 

“And I will be, eventually,” he sighed and turned back around, giving Isak a look before pulling out of park and beginning to drive. “So, really, all I need from you is to keep your mouth shut until I can tell them myself.” 

“Hmm,” Ana said thoughtfully in the back seat. Even reached over and squeezed Isak’s leg, wondering what he was thinking about all of this. He didn’t have any siblings of his own, but he had been around Ana her whole life, he must’ve understood the dynamic by now. Siblings could bribe, blackmail, fight, protect, hate, and love all in the same day. And, with Ana being so much younger, Even found himself having to deal with all of these so often. A ten year disconnect could really get in the way. 

“Just tell me what you want and I’ll tell you if it’s reasonable,” Even pushed, glancing at her in the rear-view mirror before focusing back on the road in front of him. 

“Teach me to play guitar,” She said simply. 

“Okay, I can do—”

“And I want Isak to do my homework for a month,” she added before Even could finish agreeing. He almost stomped on the breaks because _what?_ He wasn’t going to just let Isak do that. Her homework couldn’t be that difficult, but it was definitely all a major _no_. It could definitely get all of them into trouble. 

“No deal,” Even shook his head and looked at her, “it probably won’t even be a secret for a month and Isak has a ton of his own homework to do, you know. Besides, you’re not dumb, you can do it on your own.”

“But it’s so _boring,_ ” she groaned and even though Even wasn’t looking at her, he knew she was pouting her lip. “It takes too much time. Besides, it doesn’t matter when you tell them, I can always tell them you were keeping it a secret in the first place.”

“Don’t you think that if you did that _you_ would get in trouble,” Isak spoke up, turning around in his seat. Even smiled to himself, excited to have Isak on his team, ready to hear what he had to say. “I mean, at that point, you’ll have been keeping it from them too. So, you would have been lying, too. Honestly Ana, if Even is going to teach you how to play guitar, I’d take that and run with it.”

It was true. Even had been refusing to teach Ana guitar for years. Mostly because it was so annoying that she wanted to do, and could do everything he did. Admittedly, he liked when he was an only child because when he drew a picture or wrote a song, he’d be praised, his parents would be excited for his potential. But, as soon as Ana’s creativity grew, it was like his was nothing. He wanted to be able to have a future with what he loved. He wanted to make movies, but suddenly her creativity was more important. His parents wanted him to focus on more _practical_ things. Like, suddenly he wasn’t good enough for the creative things. Maybe because of his disorder—though he'd argue it made him better at it. And she just continued to want to do things like him, and it was just annoying. 

He’d admit it was all a little immature, but he couldn’t help it. It was like when you discover a new band, TV show, book, movie that not many people know about, and then it becomes popular which is, in theory, a great thing. But you’re filled up with rage and upset because it’s not just _yours_ anymore, and there are people who think they know it better than you. It felt like a challenge. An ever-annoying challenge to be better. Stupid. But hard to get over. 

“Fine,” Ana huffed in the backseat and Even could see Isak smile out of the corner of his eyes. It made him smile, too.

“Then, we have ourselves a deal.”  
*

**~Monday Lunch~**

Even got started right away with the guitar lessons when they got back home on Sunday to make sure that Ana would keep her mouth shut. Isak left them alone and did some homework while Even appeased her demands. He was a little worried about keeping their secret to begin with, and now with Ana knowing, it felt even worse. He had just started feeling free and now he was back to feeling caged. In what was supposed to be his _home_. 

And, to top it all off, the two of them were avoiding their friends. Isak had talked to Mahdi and Magnus a little earlier on in the day during the classes he had with them, telling them Even wasn’t quite over the fight and that they’d be skipping out on lunch. They seemed to be understanding enough, but it was difficult not to feel bad, anyway. They didn’t know the fight had been _over_ him and now Even probably seemed unreasonable to them. So there were secrets and people thinking Even might actually be going crazy. Probably, anyway. Caged at home, barred with his friends. Things were starting to feel messy again.

The two of them were sitting on a windowsill by the staircase, tossing Skittles at each other in hopes of getting them in the other’s mouth. They were half the way through the second bag when they finally started getting the hang of it. But, there were already Skittles all over the floor, getting squished by students as they passed by. 

Isak decided to toss two at Even after they got a few in a row, and he caught them with a cheer. “And he scooooores! Mmm, the taste of the rainbow.”

“Is that supposed to be a gay joke?” Isak laughed and nudged him with his foot. Even’s eyes were as bright as the sky, lit up by the sun. His face and hair were glowing in the light and while he laughed he looked like a literal angel. Isak may have felt like there were lies caging him up, but at least they were caging him up with the most beautiful boy in the world. That had to be a consolation, if not every reason to keep up with the lies. 

“Isn’t that why we’re eating Skittles?” Even raised a brow and laughed a little more. “I thought we were making a statement or something. You know, as the token gay couple in school?”

“You and your political statements,” Isak shook his head, not being able to hold back a laugh of his own. He tossed another Skittle at Even without him being ready and it bounced off his forehead, right over top of his eyebrow before it bounced to the floor. Isak laughed some more and watched it roll as Even complained.

“I wasn't ready!” He reached over and grabbed the bag from Isak, grabbing a couple of skittles and throwing them at him. They bounced off of him and went tumbling to the floor too. Both of the boys were laughing uncontrollably at this point, clutching their stomachs as they did. Sure, none of it was _that_ funny, but Even’s laugh was absolutely contagious. 

“Jeez, you two need a room!” Isak looked away from Even and over at the two girls approaching them. Noora and Eva were taking in their mess and the sight of the two of them just laughing and loving and well, being _gay_ together. 

“All we’re doing is laughing!” Even said, turning away from Isak and looking at the two girls. 

“But you’re making a mess,” Eva countered, pointing to them with a mom-like wag of her finger. “The hallway is going to start looking like Isak’s room soon.” 

“I don’t think it could get that messy,” Even chuckled and nudged Isak with an elbow. 

“Ha-ha, I’m messy, let’s move on,” Isak rolled his eyes and nudged Even back. “How are you two? Why aren’t you with the girls?” 

“ _Eva_ got us in trouble during lab and we had to stay after and clean up,” Noora said with a smile and halfhearted eyeroll in Eva’s direction. “We’re heading over to meet with them now. Did you want to join us?” 

“Eh,” Isak shrugged and looked at Even, realizing that he was having a great time with just the two of them, and he kind of actually just wanted to continue doing that. He loved being in their own little world. “Actually I think we’ll just continue making a mess here for today. Maybe tomorrow.” 

“Alright,” Eva shrugged a little and then sighed, stepping closer and looking to the two of them, “but, you know Jonas is sorry, right? He was just like, really drunk I guess. He feels so bad about the whole ordeal. I really think he wants to make it up to you guys, somehow.” 

“Did Jonas tell you the whole story?” Isak raised both eyebrows, wondering how she could be so okay with him saying the things he said to Isak. How she could still be sticking up for him after that. It didn’t really make sense to him. “Because, I mean, I kind of think he needs to take some time to himself, romantically anyway.” 

“No offense, Isak, but just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you know what’s best for him,” Eva shrugged and ran a hand through her hair. Isak could tell her aggravation, knew that she had some issues with the situation that she couldn’t seem to admit aloud. Hopefully she was admitting them to herself. Hopefully. 

“You do realize that starting a statement with no offense doesn’t actually make it any less offensive?” Even said, and Isak could tell _he_ was aggravated, too. _Just because you’re gay_ being one of his least liked statements ever. Isak wasn’t much a fan of it, either, but he could see why Eva was being cruel and offensive in her frustration in the situation. Obviously Isak was right, this whole thing was hurting a lot of people, and he didn’t want his friends lashing out on each other. This mess needed to be fixed and he was going to have to be the one to figure out how. 

“Sorry I said anything,” Isak said with a sigh and shook his head, “if you feel like you and Jonas have something good, then I guess that’s all that matters.”

“Yeah,” Eva said as though she was caught off-guard by Isak’s easy-going apology. Like she had expected a fight. And, honestly, it was possible that she wanted one. Maybe she wanted the two of them to give her a convincing argument because she wasn’t going to be able to leave Jonas on her own. Because Jonas himself had good enough excuses for her to stay. “Well, we’re heading out, talk to you guys later.”

“Actually, I’ll catch up with you,” Noora nodded at Eva, “I just need to talk to them. Eskild is making me.” Eva nodded with a little unease as she began walking away. Noora just gave her a reassuring smile then looked back at the boys, leaning against the wall with a small smile. 

“Eskild is making you talk to us?” Isak raised a brow, wondering why Eskild wouldn’t just text him to meet instead of sending a messenger. 

“No,” Noora laughed and ran a hand through her hair all awkwardly. “I was just… If I said something else, Eva might’ve thought that I was talking about the Jonas situation with you guys and well, I don’t want her to hate me for conspiring behind her back or something, you know?”

“So you want to talk about Jonas?” Even asked slowly, a bit of worry staining his eyes as he looked back at Noora. 

“Well, I mean, yeah,” Noora shrugged and scratched her arm, looking up then back at the two of them. “I really feel like he’s going to hurt her. I mean, Even, you’re...well, you were with Sonja and now you’re with Isak. It’s like possible that Jonas is…”

“Pansexual? Bisexual?” Even nodded and then gave her a one-shouldered shrug of his own. “It’s definitely possible. But, it’s not like I left Sonja _for_ Isak. Sonja and I didn’t work, me and Isak do. If Jonas and Eva work, well that’s gotta be what matters, I guess...to me though, it’s all strange, I don’t see how they could be working _and_ Jonas wanting to be with Isak in some way. I mean, I guess he could be polyamorous...but if Eva’s not then I don’t think they’ll work.” 

“Pansexual, bisexual, polyamorous?” Noora let out a little groan. “God, there’s just so much… I mean, how does anyone even know that they are these things?”

“It’s in your heart, Noora,” Isak told her and gave her a small smile. She was right, there was a lot to know, to figure out, and he himself was still learning it all. He could get her confusion over all the different options, over her best friend getting hurt because Jonas might not even know where he belonged on the spectrum. “It’s like… how do you know you like boys?”

“Eh, I think that’s different, Isak,” Even said and licked his lips, looking over Noora again. “He’s right, it’s in your heart but it’s easier to know when your straight because of the way society forces all this stuff on you. Heteronormativity and the idea of there only being two genders, it makes it easier for straight people. That’s why the rest of it seems so confusing, like it’s literally confusing for all of us. It wouldn’t be if they weren’t reinforced. Get it?”

“Sure, I think,” Noora sighed, looking a little distraught and rubbing her temples. She closed her eyes and stood there like that for a while. 

“Sorry, Even’s such a crusader,” Isak bit his lip, wondering if maybe that was just too much information at once. It would probably be easier for her to go home and google a bunch of shit. Google was a savior. “I’m not sure how any of that information helps you with the Jonas situation, unfortunately. We’ve gotta figure out what’s going on with him before we can make sure she’s not going to get hurt.” 

“We?” Noora opened her eyes and raised her eyebrows at Isak. 

“I could help,” Isak shrugged and looked at Even. “So can you if you can keep your temper. And, there’s always Eskild.” 

 

**~Monday Evening~**

“Ana, I’m not sure your fingers are strong enough,” Even sighed and Isak could tell that he was getting irritated. It wasn’t that Even didn’t know what he was doing, but he was never much of a teacher, especially when things came easy to him. Like he couldn’t understand why someone didn’t get what he did. He would get frustrated and annoyed and repeat the same things—that obviously were not working—over and over. “Seriously, you just have to press harder.”

“My fingers are strong! It just hurts,” Ana groaned, obviously getting frustrated too, letting Even press his own fingers back over hers to demonstrate how hard she needed to be pressing down to make the guitar sound right. Isak watched and wondered how long this could really go on for before the two of them were at each other’s throats. Despite being ten years apart in age, they were the same person. Isak could see Even in Ana, in her features, her mannerisms, the maturity beyond her age. It was just like Even had always been, which was why they clashed so much. 

It wasn’t like either of them were bad siblings. Isak had seen Even stand up for Ana plenty of times. Basically, it was like Even was the only one allowed to poke fun at her, the only one allowed to get under her skin. Well, except for Isak, Even would allow that, even though it didn’t happen much. 

“Cut her some slack, Ev,” Isak laughed and grabbed his phone, snapping a few pictures of the two while Even had his hands over Ana’s. Even if he was frustrated, it was still a cute sight. 

“She’s blackmailing me into doing this,” Even said a little quieter, after all their parents were right in the kitchen, “she doesn’t get any slack.”

“He’s got a point,” Isak smirked at Ana. She just gave him a pointed look back, as if he hadn’t just been asking Even to go easy on her. He smiled and went back to his phone. He was texting Eskild and he was going to be leaving soon to meet up with him and Noora. He hadn’t told Even yet, not sure if he’d get all defensive about Eskild being his new best friend or if he’d insist on going.

He wouldn’t mind if he went with him, it was just that it was probably going to be easier without him. Especially with all his issues with Jonas, he wasn’t sure he was going to be a great asset in all of this. He’d let him in on it once they had something figured out. After their secret rendezvous. 

He could just try to slip out, head to his room and then try to get to the door while Even was distracted with Ana, but that all seemed like too much. So, he stood up and stretched a little, looking down at Even and waiting for him to look back up at him. 

“Going somewhere?” Even raised a brow as he met his gaze. 

“Yeah, I’m going to meet up with Eskild,” Isak shrugged a little and grabbed his hoodie off the back of the couch, pulling it back on. 

“About what?”

“Halloween costumes,” Isak lied quickly, looking away and hoping this wasn’t one of those _you’re such a bad liar_ instances. Halloween was approaching fast and even though Isak hadn’t really planned anything for it, he knew Vilde was planning a halloween party. “I’ll fill you in on what we decide later. You’ll probably be stuck in a couples costume with me.” 

“Fine by me,” Even smiled small and tilted his head up at him a little, basically begging to be kissed. Isak peaked over at the kitchen doorway then quickly leaned down and pecked him gently on the lips for a lingering moment. 

“Ew, can you not?” Ana groaned, leaning away from the situation, “gross.” 

Both of the boys laughed and then Isak left with the promise of texting Even the entire time he was gone. He was going to anyway, because he was going to miss him. Which was ridiculous but completely true. 

 

Eskild and Noora were already waiting for him at his and Eskild’s normal table at t Kaffebrenneriet. When he sat down, Eskild slid him a coffee and smiled saying, “you didn’t think I knew your order, did you?” With a little wink before clasping his hands together and looking at the two pretty blondes around the table. “So, we’re scheming, right? This is going to be so much fun.” 

“I’d rather not call it scheming,” Isak shrugged and took a hesitant sip of his coffee, not actually sure how Eskild could know his his order. But, apparently he did. “Noora and I just both want to make sure Eva isn’t getting hurt. And Jonas is a wild card right now.” 

“Exactly,” Noora said and pressed her lips together as she circled a finger around the top of the cup. “Honestly, it’d just be better if we could get Eva to dump him, but for some reason, she’s hanging on. Anyway, Even said he could be polyamorous, is there anyway we can prove that? I don’t think Eva would go for that.” 

“Well, if she asked him to be exclusive—”

“She’s too afraid she’ll lose him,” Noora sighed and sipped her drink. “Trust me, I’ve talked to her about all of this.”

“You should pretend to like him, Noora,” Eskild smirked and batted his eyelashes at her, “You could show him some of that wily feminine charm. Then we’d know if he was just after other boys or if it weren’t gender-specific. That could be helpful.”

“No way, I wouldn’t do that to Eva,” Noora shook her head and crossed her arms, sitting back in her seat with conviction. “Besides, Jonas? Ew.”

“Ah, yes, well we all remember William,” Isak rolled his eyes and looked at her. “Jonas would probably be a step up, obviously you couldn’t do _that_.” 

“I dunno, William was kind of a dream boat,” Eskild sighed and looked up at the ceiling, as if remembering the good times. 

“Alright, guys,” Noora groaned and looked at the two of them, “We’re not here to rate guys. We’re here about Jonas and Eva. Eskild, you could always go after him, you’ve got some charming wiles of your own.”

“Jonas are so not a match. He’s cute but not into me, trust,” Eskild said with a shrug and pursed his lips, looking down at his tea thoughtfully. After a few moments, he clicked his tongue and threw up a pointer finger as he got an idea. “But, I can probably wrangle up a guy or two to hit on him. Of course, I’ll need Vilde’s permission to invite them to the Halloween party.” 

“You think Jonas is going to hit on guys right in front of Eva?” Isak furrowed his eyebrows, trying to think of how awkward that might be. 

“He hit on you in front of her the other night,” Noora said matter-of-factly. And, Isak supposed that was true. He had felt like the two of them hadn’t been that noticeable at the time, but he was drunk and of course it was easy to figure out what was going on. Especially because everyone knew. Well, the girls and Eskild anyway.

“Fine, then we’ll do that,” Isak sighed, feeling a tad jealous at the idea. He kind of liked the idea of being the only guy Jonas was into. It made him feel a little special. Which he knew was extremely stupid because he had Even and honestly, the way that Even looked at him made him feel plenty special. It was just something else that he couldn’t really explain. “But, uh, should we also get one of the girls to hit on him, you know, just in case that doesn’t work?” 

“I don’t think any of them will,” Noora shook her head and looked at Isak, “You know, plenty of girls have been talking about you at school lately. Apparently your news and hot older boyfriend makes you super popular. I bet you could get someone to hit on him.” 

Isak chewed on his lip for a moment or two. Admittedly, more girls had been saying hi to him in the hallways. He had just figured it’d been because they knew Even. Everyone knew Even. But, maybe it was because people were finally noticing him more. It wasn’t like he hadn’t always had Even at his side before he came out. As if being gay suddenly made him a hot topic or someone to notice. Even Ingrid had sent him a few messages on Facebook recently. 

“Ingrid,” he said as the thought came to mind. Eva already hated her, so if she hit on Jonas, it wouldn’t be that big of a betrayal. Ingrid could work. 

 

 **~Tuesday Morning~**  
*  
When Isak came home the night before, he didn’t have any costume ideas to give Even. Even wasn’t so surprised, he figured that there was something else going on. He just didn’t suspect Isak to be making ridiculous plans behind Eva’s back like this. Plans to catch Jonas in...what even was it? Even really didn’t think it was a good idea. But, at least Isak talked to him about it, wasn’t keeping it from him. That way, Even could be there for him if it all crashed and burned. 

“I just really don’t like this,” Even told him as they got off the bus that morning. Truthfully, he was feeling jealous. Isak was focusing too much on Jonas and Even knew firsthand that focusing so much on one thing could lead to an unhealthy obsession. It’d happened when he met Mikael, learning about prayers and memorizing the Quran. Being obsessed with Jonas was not something he wanted Isak to become. 

“It’s going to be fine, Even,” Isak took Even’s hand and pulled it around over his shoulders before wrapping his own arm around Even’s waist as they walked. “It’ll be over in a week, tops. And then hopefully everything will go back to normal.”

“Isak,” Even stopped him and stepped in front of him, taking his chin and tilting it up. “I’m going to be honest and tell you that I don’t like all of this focus on Jonas. I just don’t. You know I won’t tell you what to do, but _I_ want your attention.” 

“I’ll give you more attention,” Isak pouted his lower lip and ran his hands up Even’s sides. “I’m sorry if I’m making you feel like I care about this more.” 

“Don’t you?”

“Even, that’s not fair,” Isak looked at him and Even could see the hurt in his eyes as his eyebrows pushed together. He dropped his hands to his sides and looked down at the ground. “Don’t you want things to go back to normal?”

“Who even knows what normal is anymore, Isak,” Even groaned a little, not liking Isak’s obsession with normal, either. Because, well, if they were talking about normal, was normal where Isak and Even were just best friends? Boys who lived in opposite rooms instead of in each other’s beds? Where did the normal begin in Isak’s head? Normal wasn’t only before Jonas, it was also before the two of them. 

“Normal is all of my friends being happy,” Isak said quietly, looking back up at him and meeting his gaze again. “Not upset because of _me_. I want to be able to hang out with you and Mahdi and Magnus, and _yes_ Jonas, too because he’s a part of this now. And I don’t want Eva to be hurt by me again because I had to go and kiss him, had to go and confuse him.” 

“Alright,” Even gave him a defeated sigh. There was so much going on in Isak’s head that they couldn’t discuss right then. He had plans, he was going to make moves and try to make himself feel better. Even might not agree with them, but if they were going to help him get rid of his self-blaming nonsense, Even wouldn’t stop him. Wouldn’t make him feel worse about it. “Do what you have to do, Is. But, let me help you feel better in the meantime. Let me show you how wonderful you are in the ways I can. Like you do for me.”

“Thank you,” Isak smiled small and lifted up on his toes, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. “I promise not to obsess about it too much.”

“Mhm,” Even smirked and ran a hand through those precious curls. “Well, I’ll be here to save you when you do. And when it all comes crashing down.” He said it jokingly, but he knew Isak knew he believed it would. 

“It won’t, you’ll see.”  
*

Isak understood Even’s apprehension about the plan. Isak was even a little uneasy about it. But, he was going to remain positive that it was all going to work out. That eventually, his friends would all be in a happy place and that there would be a place for Jonas in the mix, too. The first step was figuring out where Jonas fit in it all. 

Easy enough. 

Maybe. 

He headed for class without Sana today, getting there before her so he could talk to Ingrid. She sat in the second row across the room from where Isak and Sana sat. It was a nice distance for Sana to be able to death glare at her from when Ingrid was being her bitchiest, and it was just a safe distance for Isak in general. He’d much rather avoid her. Until now.

“Hey,” Isak said awkwardly as he approached her lab table. She was sitting alone at her computer, scrolling through her Facebook feed, probably looking for someone to troll. 

“Isak!” Ingrid lit up, closing the laptop a little and looking up at him. “Did you get my messages? I am so here for support in your whole...transformation.”

“Yeah?” Isak said, and it came out as more of a question. After all, he wasn’t looking for support, not from her and it was definitely not a transformation, it was who he always was. He hadn’t opened any of the messages she sent. He only imagined they were all ridiculous, like she was looking for a gay best friend. “Well, thanks Ingrid. I kind of thought you’d be angry? I mean, I knew I was gay when we—”

“I was a beard and that’s totally cool,” Ingrid said quickly with smile and flipped her hair. Isak wanted to groan and just abandon ship. She was too much. “I’m totally flattered by that. I mean you could have chosen anyone but obviously you and I had a good connection. We should totally start hanging out again. What are you doing for Halloween?”

“Vilde’s throwing a Halloween party,” Isak shrugged and scratched the back of his neck. “I’ll be going with Even, obviously.” 

“Ah, well,” Ingrid let out a completely dramatic sigh and sat back in her chair, looking at him with the fakest smile he’d ever seen. “Some other time, then.” 

“Totally,” Isak fake-smiled back and ran a hand through his hair. Sana walked in the room and he watched as she made her way over to their table, not noticing his presence yet. Keeping to herself as she normally would. “So, anyway, you know the new kid, Jonas?”

“The one who’s dating Eva?” Ingrid raised a brow, all fake pleasantries out the window as she eyed Isak suspiciously. She was a queen at underhanded plans, she could probably see right through him. “What about him?”

“They’re not exclusive,” Isak looked away, his heart racing a little as he felt himself betraying Eva like this. Oh god, it was going to come back to him, wasn’t it? Even was right. But, for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to stop talking, stop doing what he was doing. “You should talk to him, I think you’ve got a lot in common. He’s pretty cool.” 

“Hmm,” She ran a hand through her hair, a little smirk passing over her face quickly before she went back to neutral. As if she couldn’t show any weakness in the moment. “I’ll think about it, thanks for the heads up, Isak.” 

“Sure thing,” Isak sighed and tapped the table awkwardly before sauntering over to his and Sana’s lab table. He sat down and put his hand over his face. He had too much going on. He couldn’t even remember why he cared so much about any of this. He wasn’t the only one, though, Noora was okay with doing all of this, too. Noora was always into doing what was right, so something had to be right about it. Helping Eva was what was right. Making sure everyone was happy was right. It had to be. 

“What happened? Why were you talking to Ingrid?” Sana asked from her seat, not much inflection in her voice as she pulled some stuff out of her bag. As if she had no actual interest. 

“Ask Noora.”

 

**~Tuesday Afternoon~**

Isak was really enjoying Even’s idea of making him feel better. They’d spent lunch with more Skittles and a lot of kisses and after school wasn’t any different. The two were the first at the table, and Even lifted Isak up on it before kissing him some more. 

Isak doubted he would ever get used to Even’s kisses. He’d wrap his arms around his neck and let his thighs tighten around his waist as they kissed like that, nerves begging for more at every single place they were connected. Electricity surging through them and supplying them with more and more fervor to kiss further, more passionately, harder as their lips swelled up from the pressure. Even was gripping at his waist and their upper bodies were completely connected as their lips overlapped and tongues danced in sync. 

It made Isak’s stomach flutter and his heart beat fast. He was happy in Even’s arms, his lips paying all of this attention to his own.

“Seriously, what did we say about getting a room?” Eva said as she approached with Noora and Sana. Isak just put a hand on the back of Even’s neck, keeping him close enough to kiss as he flipped her off with the other hand. Not done with the kiss. Not yet. Even certainly didn’t seem to protest, squeezing Isak’s hips and only letting the kiss stutter for a moment. 

“Don’t make us have to pull you apart,” Noora said, grabbing Even’s shoulder and pulling him back. “No one wants to watch that.”

“Speak for yourself,” Chris said as she approached the group with Vilde at her side. “Please, boys, go on.”

“Faen,” Isak groaned, slowly letting go of Even and letting him help him off of the table. “You guys seriously know how to kill a mood. You know that?”

“Well, maybe if you got a room like Eva said,” Sana pointed out, sitting at the table and rolling her eyes at the two boys. Isak wondered if she was still suspicious of him. She had poked at him all through biology to try to get it out of him, but he figured she would react better hearing it from Noora if she seriously had to know. 

“We have two,” Even said and gave Isak’s ass a squeeze as he sat down. Isak jumped a little and swatted at him. Intense making out in public, fine, but ass-grabbing? Off limits. For now. 

“Well, don’t go just yet,” Vilde said and walked over to the end of the table, looking down at Isak and Even. “I’m glad you came. Magnus said you haven’t been sitting with the boys at lunch and, well, I was a little worried you were going to duck out on Halloween.”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, Vilde,” Even said with a small smile, sitting beside Isak and wrapping a tight arm around him. “And we’ll be the best dressed.”

“Good, where are the boys, then?” Vilde clapped and looked around. “We don’t have all day.”

“No, we don’t, but while we’re here,” Sana spoke up, clearing her throat and looking at Isak pointedly, “How’s Ingrid?”

Everyone’s eyes went to Isak, including Noora. Her eyes were wide with worry, while the rest were looking at him with shock. Isak was surprised Sana would just single him out like that, after all of his asking to just talk to Noora. Had she? Was that why she was doing this? Was she just as upset with the scheme as Even was?

“Ingrid’s just like everyone else,” Isak shrugged and coughed a little, looking up at the sky and leaning more on Even for comfort. “She’s just looking for a gay best friend. She told me she wanted to help me with my _transformation_. Whatever the fuck that means. Said she was honored to be my _beard_.”

“Ingrid, Ingrid, Ingrid,” Eva shook her head and clicked her tongue, as if none of this was shocking at all. And, really, it wasn’t. 

“Ingrid?” Jonas asked as the boys reached the table from seemingly out of nowhere. 

“Do you know Ingrid?” Eva turned quickly, looking at him with worry. Isak thought maybe she might have to be. Especially if he was asking about her. 

“Uh,” Jonas shrugged and looked around and something told Isak that that meant they had already talked. Which was maybe good. Maybe bad. Hard to tell. “She’s in one of my classes, is all.” And, if he was lying, was that good or bad? What were they even looking for? Were they trying to give Eva valid reason to break up with him, or were they just trying to make sure he was happy enough with her? 

“Well _enough_ about Ingrid,” Vilde groaned, putting her hands on the table and bending over the group in an authoritative way, “We’re here to talk about the Halloween party. Now, who wants to host? I, of course, will help but I can’t do my house.” 

 

 **~Tuesday Evening~**  
*  
Even didn’t get to be alone with Isak again until after dinner. When they got home, he had to give Ana her guitar lesson and then they had dinner right after. But, it was fine, because the waiting made them want to be together even more. Even had to wonder how much longer they’d be able to do this, being tangled up in the sheets together without objection from his parents. It wasn’t like they were against the two of them being sexually active, apart. Even just didn’t know how that changed when the person you might be having sex with lived in the room next door. When you basically had the opportunity to have sex with them constantly. 

Not that they’d done anything remotely sexual yet. Everything they’d been doing so far required their boxers to stay on. They’d kiss very intimately, very sensually, exploring each other’s necks, shoulders, and torsos with a passion that was indescribable. As if they were just slowly getting to know each other’s body before it got any further. Even was sure that he had kissed every valley and peak on Isak’s chest, abs, neck, shoulders, and arms. His lips had it memorized, he could draw it out with only them. 

So, today when their pants came off, Even decided to see if there was an opportunity. Kissing Isak’s mouth with an intense heat, he pressed his hips into the boy’s below him. Letting them rub together with only the fabric of the boxers between them. He grinded into him slowly and just felt around for his reaction, waiting for Isak to give any sort of affirmative action. 

When Isak grinded his hips back up into Even’s, he decided to take it further, sliding his hand down Isak’s chest and stomach. He continued to be slow and light-handed as his hand grazed over the top of Isak’s boxers, feeling his dick twitch beneath them as Isak moaned into his mouth. 

“Baby,” Even said as he pulled away, pressing his forehead against Isak’s as he continued to rub over his boxers, feeling Isak squirm beneath him as he got harder and harder. Isak’s mouth was gently parted and his eyelids with drooping and God, it was pretty. “Tell me what I can do. I can use my hand, or my mouth, or do _whatever_ you want.” 

Even wasn’t looking for sex, he didn’t even care if he got off. But, he knew that Isak was stressed and he wanted to help him, to make him feel good if he could. He wanted to please him more than he wanted anything else. 

“Your family,” Isak said quietly, a small moan following it, “we can’t.” 

Even sighed and sat up, looking around the room before getting up and making a few arrangements. He pushed his dresser in front of the door separating their rooms and then pushed his desk chair up underneath the doorknob to jam the main door. 

“There,” Even looked at him and moved back over top of him on the bed, “It wouldn’t keep them for long. But probably long enough to make sure they don’t catch anything. Now, please, let me make you feel good?”

Isak nodded a little and reached up, running a hand through Even’s hair with a small smile. Even couldn’t help but smile back, leaning down and kissing around his neck as he worked Isak’s boxers down to his mid thighs. He slowly kissed down his body, continuously peering up at Isak to make sure he seemed okay as he got lower and lower. He slid down his boxers even further and then kissed the insides of both of his thighs, watching Isak clench and shake as he let his lips linger. 

“This is okay?” Even asked quietly, looking up at Isak, who just nodded in return. “Can you tell me it’s okay? Out loud?”

“Yes, it’s okay, yes,” Isak said kind of shakily, reaching down and gripping onto one of Even’s shoulders. Even couldn’t help but smile, slowly licking up his hard-on to his tip. Isak gasped a little as Even licked around the tip and took him in his mouth, his nails digging into Even’s shoulders. “ _Yes._.”

Even rounded his lips and let himself start bobbing at a slow pace, a hand running up and down Isak’s arching torso as he began working his magic. Isak was making quiet little noises and Even just wanted to hear more of them, wondered if he hadn’t been worried about his family if he’d be _louder_. He was glad to finally have him like that, squirming underneath him, feeling some of Even’s love through this little act of passion. One Even was pretty sure he was good at. He moved faster and squeezed at his ass, feeling as Isak gripped onto his shoulder tighter, his other hand reaching up and gripping the pillow behind his head. 

Even could do this forever, hear his little whimpers, watch his body shudder and arch and squirm, feel his reactions through his grip on his shoulder and his hips thrusting up towards his mouth. He bobbed his head and let his other hand take Isak’s base, squeezing at it and making sure all of him was felt by Even’s touch, freed by the good feelings Even was giving him. 

“A-ah, Even,” Isak moaned a little louder now, causing Even to moan against him because _fuck_ hearing him say his name like that was completely beside him. It wasn’t anything he’d heard before. It was absolutely musical and angelic and everything Even could have hoped for in the moment. He needed to hear more of it, so he kept doing everything he could, making sure Isak was satisfied and his ears were satisfied by his intoxicating noises. 

It was a little shocking how long Isak lasted. Even didn’t think he’d been touched in a long time, and figured it would be like, two to three minutes tops. But Isak held on, moaning out a little louder with each bob of Even’s head, moans getting closer together as he came close to his climax. Even thought maybe he was going to need to tell him to be quiet when Isak was tapping at Even’s temple and moaning quieter again, his cheeks growing pink. “I’m gonna come,” he warned quietly and then tilted his head back, pulling a pillow over his face and spilling into Even’s mouth with a muffled moan. 

Isak kept the pillow over his face as Even pulled back, swallowing and wiping his mouth. He looked down and Isak’s whole body was breathing with him. Up and down deeply as he held the pillow. Even smirked a little, pulled his boxers back up for him then crawled back on top of him, taking the pillow from him and setting it aside so he could see his face. 

“You’re a moaner, hmm?” He ran a hand through Isak’s hair, watching his flushed face with a fondness for him and everything that just happened. 

“Don’t make fun of me,” Isak complained and looked away from him. 

“Hey, hey,” Even grabbed his face and knelt his head down to press their foreheads together, “I am not making fun of you. Hearing you moan is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. Please don’t feel embarrassed.”

Isak nodded and Even couldn’t help but kiss him with a smile plastered on his lips. He was happy with this step, happy Isak had let him hear him like that, see him like that. Completely sober, completely consenting unlike all of his drunk hook ups with those random girls.  
*

**~Wednesday Morning~**

Isak said goodbye to Even outside of class, an extended kiss on the lips that sent him flying back up into the clouds. Even went down on him last night and didn’t want anything in return, just to cuddle and to talk and to sleep next to Isak. And there was something about it that Isak absolutely loved, made him so happy and in love. Even really did know how to make him feel better, take his mind off the world. He floated to the back, into his seat beside Sana with a goofy smile. He knew it was written all over his face that he was in love and for once he didn’t give a shit who saw it. He was just happy to be loved by Even, or liked, or whatever. They hadn’t talked about love yet, but Isak knew it was what he felt. He just didn’t know if it was what Even felt, too. 

“Isak,” Ingrid said, walking over to the table with a not-so fake smile, either pretending Sana wasn’t there or completely not noticing her in general. “You were totally right, Jonas and I have so much in common, I think we’re going to go get some coffee after school. So, thanks.”

“Uh, yeah,” Isak looked at Sana out of the corner of his eyes then back up at Ingrid. “You should tell me how it goes, yeah?”

“Of course!” Ingrid smiled and then gave Isak a kiss on the cheek. “Text you later.”

“Yeah…” Isak sat back, and shook his head. He hadn’t thought Ingrid would be Jonas’s type or the other way around, but apparently he was wrong. God, if Jonas left Eva for Ingrid and Eva found out it was _Isak’s_ doing? He would be fucked. 

“What the fuck did you do, Valtersen?” Sana said after Ingrid walked away, pushing a pointed pencil into Isak’s chest. 

“It’s only an experiment, I swear, for science,” Isak said, pushing away from her glare, from the tip of her pencil. God, Sana was going to kill him if Jonas left Eva for Ingrid. And Eva would light his remains on fire. 

“A fucking experiment to fuck over your friend?” Sana said, he voice growing into something that had to be almost demonic. Like She was about to jump down his throat and stop his heart. “What the fuck is the hypothesis, Isak?”

“If Jonas starts hooking up with other people, then maybe he’s polyamorous or something and not what Eva needs?” Isak said, but it came out as more of a question because, fuck, when he put it in scientific terms, it sounded even crazier. “I swear, we’re doing it to help Eva, not hurt her.”

“People? So there’s not only Ingrid? And who the hell is _we_? You and Even? You really think all of this is a good idea? Fuck, Isak,” Sana stabbed the pencil back into his chest a couple more times and he backed up some more, feeling scared and hoping class would start soon. Sana could literally rip someone to shreds if she felt so inclined, and God, she looked and sounded inclined. 

“Not me and Even, okay?” Isak groaned, putting a hand on his face and wondering why the hell she hadn’t just asked Noora. “Me and Noora and Eskild a little. Eskild is going to get some of his friends to hit on Jonas. And then we’ll know, probably. Or at least prove to Eva that they would be better as friends. Noora thinks it’s a great idea.” He hoped throwing in Noora's involvement would help, somehow. 

“Fuck, you guys,” Sana shook her head and sat back, crossing her arms over her chest. “This is a fucking terrible idea.”

 

**~Wednesday Lunch~**

Even and Isak met at their windowsill again for lunch. Isak did miss the boys, but he saw them enough in their classes together and would see them more over the weekend. Eventually, they would be able to go back to sitting with them, too. But, he really enjoyed the lunches alone with Even, sharing their sandwiches and tossing Skittles at each other. They would laugh and talk and kiss with little-to-no interruptions. And it was just lovely. 

“So, good news is that Sana’s on your side about this whole scheming thing,” Isak told Even between bites of his pb and j. “Bad news is that she’s going to stab me with a fucking pencil if Eva gets hurt. But, technically, isn’t it Jonas’s fault if she gets hurt?” 

“I think there’s going to be a whole lot of fault and blame going on _when_ Eva get’s hurt, Isak,” Even told him honestly, tossing a skittle into his own mouth and then reaching over for one of Isak’s hands. “I mean, you, Eskild, and Noora are all scheming this behind her back, so it’s not like you’re innocent in all of this, babe. There were probably other ways to figure all of this out. But, like I said, I’ll be here for you no matter what goes on.” 

“Ugh,” Isak groaned and tilted his head back against the window. “But, Noora is always like, the good guy. I thought for sure that if she was in on it that I had to be doing something right.” 

“Well, I didn’t say you weren’t in the right,” Even said, moving closer to him on the windowsill and putting a hand under his chin, using his thumb to tilt his head back down to look at Even. “I think that it’s the right thing in the wrong way, is all. You’re all good people, wanting to help out Eva. I do think Noora might have other motives, though.”

“Noora?” Isak raised a brow and looked at him incredulously. Noora was like, the least sneaky person he knew, there was no way she was getting anything by him in this whole scheme. “What the hell would she get out of this.” 

“Eva,” Even shrugged and then sat back against the other side of the window, looking out it for a moment. “When she’s upset, she going to go to Noora, her best friend. Cry on her shoulder and who knows what else.” 

“Are you saying you think Noora likes Eva?” Isak laughed, because now Even was starting to sound like Eskild, thinking that everyone was gay. Noora was obviously not gay. There was no way she was into Eva like that. “That’s impossible.” 

“Best friends falling for each other?” Even asked and then winked at Isak with a little smirk. “I don’t think impossible is the word for it, babe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and Comments are always lovely and really keep me going.  
> The next chapter will include that wonderful Halloween party and I wonder what Even and Isak are going to be?? hmm  
> Anyway I hope you're all still enjoying


	8. Every Moment's Relevant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy the chapter, some things are setting in motion. woooooooo.

**~Thursday Morning~**

Ingrid had messaged Isak the night before, but not much, just a little about where she and Jonas were going and then again a little when it was over about him walking her home. It was totally possible that she and Jonas were not hitting it off, because she would have given more details if they had, wouldn’t she? She loved to gossip. Isak felt pretty relieved. In retrospect, Ingrid had probably been a terrible idea, and if it _had_ worked out, Isak wasn’t sure he could live with himself. At this point, he would have felt more than great if Jonas could really be into Eva, and it was seemingly possible. Especially if Ingrid couldn’t seduce him. Isak wasn’t completely in the clear, but the relief was enough for him to spend a relaxing—if not sexy—night with Even. 

They spent the night in Even’s bed and it was his alarm that was going off that morning. Even’s alarm was set at least twenty minutes before Isak’s and it had him rolling over towards Even and folding the pillow over his ears. He didn’t need all the time Even required in the morning. He’d throw on a t-shirt, jeans and a snapback last minute and be ready for the day. Even would spend all this time fixing his hair, picking out a fabulous outfit, and chatting with his family before he headed off. 

Isak, on the other hand, would just rather sleep for as long as he could, never caring about how he looked.

“Isaaaaak,” Even crooned and pulled him away from the pillow, “it’s time to wake up, sleepy head.”

“I’d rather sleep,” Isak grumbled and turned over, facing away from Even now as he pulled the blankets over his head. Even may have been a morning person, but he was never going to be able to make Isak one. No way. 

“C’mon, Isak,” Even tugged at the blankets and straddled Isak over top of them, “you might as well get up now. Any sleep you get from here on out is a waste of time.”

“I’m never going to get to sleep in again, am I?” Isak groaned from under the blankets, feeling Even tugging at them. Isak was holding on tight, but the more energy he spent trying to keep the blankets up over his face, the more awake he was feeling. If he kept fighting Even, he was never going to get back to sleep. 

“Whaaat? I let you sleep in all the time,” Even said, and even though Isak couldn’t see it, he knew that Even was smiling, his eyes were lighting up with amusement. And in the morning light coming through the window while he straddled him like this? Well, it had to be a pretty sight. It may have been the reason he finally let Even pull the blankets back. 

“Now who’s the liar?” Isak raised an eyebrow, looking up at him and trying not to smile because, yeah, he was beautiful, especially in the morning. Isak didn’t see Even with remnants of sleep on his face often enough, always waking up after him unless Even was depressed. But seeing him all bright and shiny with his eyes still not quite as wide as usual, bags underneath them—it gave Even a look of innocence. The morning was innocent, happy, anything could happen and Even’s eyes lit up with that possibility. Isak wouldn’t look that happy or optimistic for the new day until at least 11:00. 

“I let you sleep in on Sunday,” Even smiled, then leaned down and pecked a gentle, lingering kiss to Isak’s lips before moving to talk right in his ear. “Besides, today I thought I’d ask if you would shower with me.”

“Shower with you?” Isak asked as shivers were sent down his spine by Even's breath against his ear. He looked up at Even like he was crazy, all that innocence in his eyes and _that_ is what he did with it? “You don’t think that your parents would find that a little suspicious?”

“No, because I may have set my alarm earlier than usual, no one’s awake yet” Even shrugged like it was no big deal. Obviously he had planned this out, and Isak shouldn’t have been so shocked. Even was a go-getter when he wanted something. “We’ll get dressed in there and then you can slip out while I’m doing my hair. Easy.” 

“You woke me up early so you could shower with me?” Isak groaned again and sat up, pushing Even away.

“You’re not supposed to be groaning! You’re supposed to be excited,” Even said as he got off of Isak and stood up, offering him his hand. “C’mon, this is the perfect way to start the day. We don’t even have to do anything besides shower. I’ll wash you, you wash me, it’ll be all intimate and relaxing and by the time we’re done you’ll be thanking me and begging for more early mornings.” 

The idea of standing underneath the hot water with Even holding him _was_ a really consuming, nice thought. Maybe even nice enough for Isak to muster up a little optimism for the day. He took Even’s outstretched hand and let him pull Isak out of bed. He pulled him in and gave him a quick, yet somehow insanely intimate kiss before pulling away with a flick of his eyebrows. 

“Now, quick, go grab some clothes and meet me in the bathroom,” Even told him, giving him a playful push towards the door connecting their rooms. Isak rolled his eyes, stumbling with a tiredness and a slight mind numbness from the kiss mixed with Even’s quickness and optimism. Damn it, he wanted to be mad because he should be sleeping, but he couldn’t be. So, he went to his room and got some clothes to wear before heading to the bathroom. 

The house was pretty quiet, and the only light was from the early morning sun, but it wouldn’t be like that for long. He doubted that they would be able to take a shower before everyone started waking up but as long as they weren’t caught _going_ into the bathroom together and they locked the door, it would probably be fine. 

Not surprisingly, he was in the bathroom before Even. Even was probably being picky about his outfit; he would never settle for a plain t-shirt and jeans like Isak did. He liked a little flare, liked being noticeable. Isak hung up his towel and set his clothes down on the sink counter, starting the shower while he waited for Even. When it seemed like he would be taking a while, Isak stepped out of his boxers and got in, letting the water rain down on him while he listened for Even. He tried not to let his mind wander too much about the idea of actually showering with Even, about what they might do. But, it was hard, and he was getting there too. It was just there would be the steaming hot water, their wet and soapy bodies, hands practically everywhere and god, if anything were to make him optimistic for a good day, it was going to be that. 

When he finally heard the door open, he smiled excitedly to himself, “Jeez, what took you so long?” he slowly peaked his head out from behind the shower curtain, “I was about to—” He stopped dead, eyes widening when they met Martin’s. He was standing there in his pajamas, shocked to see Isak, too. 

“Oh, sorry Isak,” Martin looked down at his watch on his wrist, “you’re up early. I thought you were Even, I was just going to shave quick but I’ll leave you to it, then. What was… did you need something?” 

“Oh, uh,” Isak coughed a little and ducked his head back into the shower. “I—Even was going to bring me a washcloth… I uh, texted him. So I thought..uh, yeah.” 

He put his hand over his eyes and leaned against the shower wall, wanting to groan when he heard the door open again, thinking Martin was probably leaving. But then he heard Even’s voice, “Oh, Dad, oh.. Is Isak still in the shower? I thought he’d be out by now. My bad.”

“Did you bring him a washcloth then?” 

“A washcloth?” Even said, sounding confused. Isak’s stomach was dropping to the floor, hoping that Even could pick this up, continue with the lie. It would be a problem if Martin found out that they were intimate because they were supposed to _shower together_. That would probably be the worst way to tell him, Isak could imagine all the red flags that would raise because of it, the lecture they might get from him and Josefine. Isak would probably be kicked out immediately.

“He said he texted you to get one,” Martin explained, voice sounding a little suspicious, Isak thought. He couldn’t see the confrontation but he was starting to feel embarrassed and doomed and like everything was about to spiral out. Could he just drown himself in the shower and avoid it all? 

“Oh, I haven’t checked my phone,” Even replied, “we should just leave him to finish up then, I’ll grab that washcloth.” Then the door closed again and Isak’s heart was still beating out of his chest. Either Even hadn’t been early enough with his alarm, Isak took too long to wake up, Even took to long to pick out clothes, or his Dad woke up earlier than usual. Any way, that was fucking close. 

“Isak,” Even was saying as Isak heard the door open and close again. Isak peaked out and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “Guess that was a bust, huh? Here, a washcloth. Wasn’t sure you actually needed it but good save.” 

“You do realize you woke me up just to give me a heart attack, right?” Isak grabbed the washcloth from him and then leaned back into the shower, figuring he might as well actually get to showering now. “Next time pick out your damn clothes beforehand.” 

“You would want to try again?” Even asked, pulling the curtains back completely to look at Isak. Exposed to the cold air, Isak shivered. Even had an amused eyebrow up as he let his eyes linger over Isak’s body before landing on his face. _Of course_ he was amused. He wasn’t the one who almost just told his _Dad_ that he was about to get himself off without him. 

“Yeah but I’ll fucking kill you if you don’t warn me next time,” Isak told him, grabbing for the curtain to pull it back. He wasn’t exactly embarrassed being naked in front of Even. He never had been, but he was feeling pretty exposed right then. 

“Hey wait, give me a kiss and then I’ll leave you to it,” Even told him, smiling and taking the curtain back before Isak could cover himself. He leaned in, obviously not caring about getting rained on, “you’re so fucking hot, Isak.” 

 

**~Thursday Lunch~**

Even and Isak decided that today was the day that they’d join the boys again. It was basically a trial, if it didn’t go well, they’d go back to their solo lunches. People around the school were already talking about “their” windowsill where they rained down Skittles. Isak could tell that Even was enjoying their little gay statement. Or maybe just the recognition of them as a couple, being cute and doing little things like that. Isak liked it too. So, even if things worked out at lunch with the boys, they were still going to take a couple days to themselves at lunch every week. 

“So you guys are like, right out fucking like five times a day, right?” Magnus asked the two boys, who were sitting on their own side of the table, Jonas sitting beside Mahdi today. Their presence had made Magnus go nuts, asking every little thing about his apparent OTP: Evak. That’s right, he even gave them a lame ship name. 

“With Even’s parents in the house?” Mahdi looked at Magnus like he was crazy, his eyes nearly popping out as he shook his head. “Nuh-uh, if anything, they’ve gotta wait for everyone to be asleep.” 

“Guys,” Isak groaned and covered his face, leaning more into Even, who was just sitting there with an amused smile. He was basically fueling Magnus, answering all of his questions mysteriously up until this point. “I’d rather not discuss our sex life, thank you.” 

“Well why the fuck not? We always talk about this shit,” Magnus said pushing his hair out of his face and sitting back in his seat. “You missed the conversation about me and Vilde’s first time, oh man. She was totally off the charts, a fucking ten out of ten.” 

“See but that’s the thing,” Isak pointed out, “we always talk about our sex lives to the extent that we talk about the _other_ person. But Even and I are both here so I couldn’t just like go off about his moves or something.” Never mind the fact that they hadn’t actually gone so far as to have sex yet. They were a couple of—amazing—blow jobs into the relationship, but really that was all. Even was taking it slow and Isak didn’t mind because he still had some things to figure out. 

“So it’s only okay to talk about sex when the other person isn’t around? Neeeiiii,” Magnus shook his head vigorously. “Are you just afraid Even is gonna say you’re not big or not good enough in the sack? Or are you afraid to praise all of Even’s goods and give him a big head about it? Boy, if I give Vilde a big head about it, then it’ll probably get wild!”

“You think she’ll become a dominatrix like in your dream?” Mahdi asked and the three boys across the table laughed. Obviously Even and Isak missed out on something about Magnus having some BDSM dream about Vilde. Which, Isak didn’t find so surprising that Magnus would be into that—which made him shudder with disgust at the thought of knowing that. Perhaps he and his friends already knew too much about each other.

“Oh God, I hope so,” Magnus clapped his hands together and looked up at the sky like he was praying. God would probably be more likely to answer Isak at that point. “But, no seriously Evak, give us some details.” 

“You know, Mags,” Even spoke up, squeezing Isak’s side with one hand and tapping his fingers on the table with the other, “I feel like I should be a little worried about how much you want to know about what my boyfriend is like in bed. I mean, Isak has a point. You guys talk about how good these girls are in bed, but we never hear about you, and why? Because we don’t want to picture you like that, Mags.” 

“Ohhhhh,” The boys chorused, Mahdi slapping Magnus on the back as the rest of them broke into laughter. 

“Faen, why am I always the one!” Magnus shouted out and then rubbed his face. He sat back in his chair and took an angry bite out of his sandwich, sitting there and shaking his head. The boys laughed some more, and it felt like everything was going to be okay. Jonas wasn’t trying to play footsies with him and as far as he could tell, he hadn’t been giving him the looks he was before, either. Back to the new normal. 

Jonas and Even didn’t really exchange as much as a look though. Baby steps. 

“Alright, well honestly what I want to talk about is Jonas,” Mahdi said, hitting Jonas’s chest with the back of his hand. “What the hell is going on with you and Ingrid? It’s going around that you two are hooking up? Oh man, when Eva hears that she’s literally going to lose her shit.”

“Hva?” Jonas asked, his eyebrows pushing together as he looked around the table. “We’re not hooking up. But that probably explains the text from Eva.” 

“Oh shit,” Magnus said, finally done with his sulking and getting back to these hard hitting issues, “well what the fuck are you two doing? I could make an invention for you to keep track of all your hoes if you want. That way you don’t get that mad text from another. Shit, that's a great idea.” 

“She’s not my _hoe_. We talked a little, she seemed pretty cool,” Jonas shrugged and then took a sip of water. Isak watched him, wondering if he knew that Isak was the reason she talked to him in the first place. He looked back at Isak momentarily and then went on, “So we went out, got coffee and realized we had nothing in common. But, she did hook me up with her brother who sells weed, which is cool as hell. Maybe that’s why people are talking? I went to her place after coffee to pick up from him.”

“So you went out with her to see if there was potential?” Isak found himself asking against all of the voices in his head that told him it was a bad idea to pry. It was interesting that Ingrid said he walked her home when really it was just to get weed. She might’ve been playing games of her own, but Isak was far more interested in Jonas' side of the story.

“Yeah, why not?” Jonas shrugged and raised his eyebrow at Isak. 

“Well what about Eva?” Mahdi asked and Isak thanked him telepathically, not wanting to be the one to continue prying. Because that was definitely his next question, but coming from _him_ would have made Jonas’s eyebrow jump off his face. Technically, Isak knew they weren’t exclusive. But he wanted to hear Jonas explain it to the other boys, not just him as some way to try to get into his pants. 

“Yeah, Eva’s hot and like mad chill and she’s friends with Vilde so it’s like perfect for us,” Magnus said, “Ingrid’s hot but eh. And she used to date Isak so we know she’s not good at picking dudes, anyway.” 

“Isak used to date her?” There went Jonas’s eyebrow again, up further into those curls. 

“Before he was gay,” Magnus explained, pointing to Isak. 

“I was always gay,” Isak groaned and nuzzled his head into Even’s chest, “let’s not get off subject here. We were talking about Jonas and Eva.” 

“Eva and I aren’t exclusive,” Jonas said, giving Isak a bit of a pointed look before looking back at the boys, “so, yes, I gave Ingrid a chance because why the hell not? We’re only young once and these girls aren’t going to be hot forever. Gotta get with them when we have the chance.” 

“I don’t think Eva will go for that for long,” Even said kind of quietly. He was on the 'Eva and Noora' bandwagon at this point. He said we needed another hot and gay couple in our squad, and they’d be perfect. So he had strategies of his own, Isak just hoped he didn’t push any of the wrong buttons on Jonas. “Some people like exclusive relationships and monogamy, Jonas.”

“Eva doesn’t want to be exclusive either,” Jonas replied a bit defensively and Isak was glad again for the table separating him and Even. The monogamy comment could have very well been about Jonas and Eva but it also could have been a jab at why Jonas lost Isak. In any case, Jonas sounded angry in his defense, got a little louder. Isak really didn’t want to have to break up another fight. 

“Did she say that?” Even seemed to be remaining cool, which was kind of unlike him. He could be short-tempered and when someone started raising their voice at him—especially when he felt like he was in the right—well, he could raise it right back. 

“Nei, but she’s never asked,” Jonas said, suddenly sinking back in his seat, realization passing over his eyes. He rubbed his forehead for a minute then pinched the bridge of his nose. “Shit. I guess I should probably talk to her.”

 

**~Thursday Evening~**

“I still don’t think the Ingrid thing is over, don’t get your hopes up,” Even was telling Isak as they sat in his room doing homework together. “There are the rumors that are going on, plus Eva apparently texted Jonas. She’s probably already upset over it.”

“Or maybe Jonas explained everything to her and talked to her about their exclusiveness and lack thereof and everything is totally fine and worked out for the better,” Isak said with a shrug. He was bragging about being right and Even was not too fond of not being right. The plan wasn’t even technically over, Eskild’s friends were still going to hit on Jonas, but if the thing with Ingrid pushed the two of them to talk about being exclusive, they didn’t need the rest, did they? Unless Jonas was one to cheat and...really what did Isak know about the guy that said otherwise? 

“I think you’re being too optimistic,” Even told him and smiled a little mischievously, “my Isak, the optimist? What has happened to you?”

“I’m allowed to be optimistic sometimes, jeez,” Isak rolled his eyes and then poked Even with the back of his pencil. He was basically done with his homework, anything else he had could be finished before his classes and honestly, he just wanted to cuddle and kiss and maybe do some other fun stuff. He closed his book and moved up off the floor onto Even’s bed. 

“I know you better for being a pessimistic little grouch,” Even continued with his little smile but stood up and walked over to the bed too, as if reading Isak’s mind. “Maybe our relationship has changed you?”

“Oh no, don’t go boosting your ego like that,” Isak laughed lightly, not being able to hold it back. Even definitely made him happier, maybe even a little more optimistic and less bitchy, but hell if he was going to let him know that. 

“My ego doesn’t need any boosts,” Even talked, leaning in closer, his eyes going a little darker as they flicked down to Isak’s lips then back up to his eyes. Isak couldn’t help but to reach up, grip the back of his neck and pull him in for a kiss. It was impossible not to want to kiss him, he was intoxicating in all the right ways. The kisses made him happy and love drunk. Just everything about him was on a fucking cloud with Even’s lips attached to his own. Even leaned in more and slowly laid Isak back as they kissed. He got on top of him and kissed him for a few moments before pulling away—much too soon for Isak’s tastes. Isak followed his lips back until he couldn’t reach up anymore then let himself fall back to the bed. 

“We really need to discuss Halloween costumes before we get carried away here,” Even told him, getting up off of him again and grabbing his laptop. “I told Vilde we’d be best dressed so really, we have to figure this out.”

“Oh no, can’t let _Vilde_ down, she’ll have our heads,” Isak said with a half groan and a ton of sarcasm. He got up and sat back against the wall, watching as Even joined him back on the bed. At least he wasn’t staying at a distance and Isak could cuddle up into his side and breathe in his scent. He rested his head on Even’s shoulder and watched as he googled couples Halloween costumes.

“How about Mario and Luigi?” Even asked as they scrolled, and Isak looked at a few of the pictures and scrunched up his face. Some of them were _sexy_ Mario and Luigi and Isak couldn’t picture wearing a shirt that short, or shorts that short. Or overalls in general. Pass. 

“Nei, they’re brothers, that’s weird,” He shook his head. Even laughed, not disagreeing, and scrolled some more. Isak watched as a few more boring ideas passed on the screen until the next caught his eye, “Ou, Batman and Robin would be fun. Could be sexy having you as my sidekick.” 

“Me? Robin?” Even asked incredulously, turning to Isak and raising his eyebrows, “Neii, you’re Robin, I’m totally Batman.” 

“You don’t even like superhero movies, why would you be Batman?” Isak sat up completely and nudged him a little, “It doesn’t even make sense,” he said and then spoke in that low and grumbly Batman voice, wiggling his eyebrows at Even, “I’m Batman.”

“The Christopher Nolan Batman movies were good,” Even pointed out, as if _he_ was the reason they watched that trilogy. But, no, Isak had to push him to watch them and then Even obsessed of the Joker for like, a year, at least. “And that was a terrible impersonation.”

“Fine, then we could do Batman and the Joker,” Isak told him, and smiled, “but I’m still Batman, my Batman voice is dead on.” 

“Oh, so I get to be the crazy one?” Even asked, but Isak could tell he would probably love the idea of doing all that makeup. Of course, after everything with Heath Ledger, it kind of put a knot in Isak’s stomach and maybe it gave Even some bad feelings too, “Our friends already think I’m totally insane.” 

“They do not,” Isak sighed and rolled his eyes, reaching over and scrolling some more, “Let’s just move on from the Batman stuff. There’s bound to be something else for us. Oh look, we could be Ash and Pikachu, that would be super cute.” 

“Oh yeah? And who’s Ash and who’s Pikachu?” Even looked a him, amused eyes filled with questions. 

“Obviously I’m Ash because I caught you,” Isak smiled and nudged him again, this time nudging his nose against his cheek. “Forget catching them all, all I need is you. Plus you’d be a cute Pikachu, the rosey cheeks and everything.” 

“I think technically, I caught you,” Even said with a smile and then turned his head, pressing his lips to Isak’s and kissing him tenderly. It was a nice, slow kiss that had Isak’s toes curling. It made him forget what they were even doing, all he could think about was Even’s lips on his, his tongue gliding against his lower lip before slipping inside his mouth. The warmness of his mouth, the sweet taste of Skittles on his tongue. He didn’t think there could be anything more consuming than this. 

He could kiss him like that forever. Unfortunately a knock at the door and the twisting sound of the doorknob had the two pulling apart. Isak rubbed his lips with the back of his hand, as if whoever was there could see that Even was on his lips moments before. Like he had to rub off the remains of them before it was too late. 

“Even, Isak,” Josefine was saying, having both the boys looking up, trying to act natural. Though Isak wasn’t really sure what natural was in the moment. It felt more than natural to be kissing Even, tasting him and holding him close. But, Josefine would probably disagree, “We’re ordering pizza for dinner, I don’t feel like cooking. Is that okay?”

“Do you even need to ask?” Even said, putting on his best game face and a smile as he looked at his mom, “Pizza sounds great.” 

“Great, I’ll let you know when it’s here,” she smiled back and then left the room. She never closed the door when leaving the bedrooms, and as always, she left it open a crack. It was something Isak found completely annoying about her and Ana, and even sometimes Even. If someone opens a door, why couldn’t they just close it? Like, damn why couldn’t they just leave it the way they found it. 

“We’re going to have to tell them soon,” Even said quietly before getting up and closing the door. Isak watched him as he leaned against it, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “If they find out before we tell them, I’m not sure what’s going to happen.”

“You don’t think they’ll kick me out, do you?” Isak asked timidly, afraid of the answer but having to ask. He wasn’t sure where he’d go if they did. Would he go back to his mom’s and live with her and her caregiver? He could only imagine what that might be like, he might as well be fending for himself at that point. And that would only be if she would take him in the first place.

“What? Isak, Nei,” Even shook his head and hurriedly walked over to Isak, taking him by the shoulders. “They love you, you know. They wouldn’t kick you out and even if they did, I would follow you. I’ve never let you go through anything alone, babe, and I never will. I think they’d know that, too, so even if they thought it was a good idea, they wouldn’t. This is your home now. We’re your family. No matter what happens between you and me.” 

 

**~Friday Lunch~**

Isak texted Even and told him he’d be a little late to lunch and asked him not to wait. So, Even was strolling down the hallway to the cafeteria by himself. Back to his usual strut, with polite hellos to and from everyone he knew. It was kind of weird without Isak on his side, he’d started growing used to having his arm wrapped around Isak’s shoulders, looking down at him as they walked. He didn’t really notice anyone else when he had Isak on his arm, though, so it was nice to be greeting some familiar faces. 

When he got to the cafeteria and saw that Jonas was the only one already at their table, he almost turned right around and waited outside the door for Isak. Or maybe he could go outside and smoke quick, suddenly feeling a little stressed. It was just that Jonas got under his skin, really dug his way under, and knowing what went down between him and Isak made Even want to scream him into one of Isak’s alternate universes. He almost did turn around, but Jonas looked up and they met eyes. There was no turning back now. He clenched his fists and headed towards the table, standing at the edge and looking over at him. “I need a smoke, want to come with?” He asked the boy, trying remain calm as he pulled the cigarette out from behind his ear and raised a brow at him. 

Jonas hesitated but then stood up with a quick “sure.” They walked outside in silence, walking over to a bench and sitting down. Even lit up his cigarette and looked away for a moment or two, collecting his thoughts. He knew Isak wanted this idea of normal, he wanted everyone to get along. It would make him happy if the two of them made up. He couldn’t speak for Jonas, but he would do what he could to make Isak happy. 

“You know those things will kill ya,” Jonas was the first to speak as Even was breathing out the smoke. The first few puffs always felt so good, so calming to him. But, after that, as he dragged on, he’d feel more ashamed, knowing that he was really trying to quit and let himself give in so easily to the temptation. 

“I’m trying to quit,” Even shrugged a little, “It’s proving harder than I imagined. I’ve been on the edge of quitting for like, maybe six months now? I haven’t needed to buy a new pack in four, so I’m getting there.” He looked at the sky with a sigh, thinking that this wasn’t the kind of talk they should be having. He took one more drag and then snubbed out the cigarette before putting the rest of it back behind his ear. He knew Isak would notice the smell, the taste on his mouth, and the half smoked cigarette and have a few things to say, but it was too late to worry about that.

“Well, that’s good,” Jonas said quietly, sitting back and looking up at the sky, too. Even looked over at him, a little annoyed that he couldn’t read him. He couldn’t tell what was on his mind. Was he thinking of Isak too? Of what Isak might think about Even smoking? Or something else entirely?

“Listen man,” Even spoke up now, turning a bit on the bench to look at him, “I’m sorry about the fight. I shouldn’t have interrupted and I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

“I’m sorry, too,” Jonas scratched the back of his neck but wouldn’t look at Even as he talked. Even wished he would, he felt better when he could look in someone’s eyes. It felt like the difference between a truth and a lie. But, Jonas might've just been embarrassed. “It was definitely all my fault.”

Even wanted to say _Well, yeah, we all know that,_ but he didn’t. Instead he paused for a moment and watched Jonas’s profile features. He looked calm and collected, but at the same time he was shy enough not to look directly at Even. Embarrassed enough not to be able to apologize to his face. 

“Do you think we could be straight up for a second?” Even asked, watching Jonas as he closed his eyes and let out a sigh. “I need to know what you feel for Isak, Jonas. I need to know if you’re going to go on trying to take him from me. Not because I’m worried about him leaving me but because I’m worried about what it’s going to do to him. He feels awful, you know. Like he’s confused you and he’s going to ruin the entire friend group and that people are going to be slut shaming him or something. You have to remember that you’re not the only one trying to figure yourself out. He is, too.” 

“I get that,” Jonas said after a few moments, finally turning to look at Even. He looked him up and down and then sighed. “It’s gotta be easy for you to say all that, knowing exactly who you are, though. Isak did and does confuse me.”

“Is he the only guy you’ve ever been attracted to before?” Even wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer and if it was yes, he definitely didn’t want Isak to know that, either. Isak didn’t need that on his already plagued conscience. 

“He’s the only guy who I’ve found physically _and_ mentally attractive,” Jonas said slowly, as if he was choosing his words while he spoke, “there have been other guys. Guys that I didn’t think I could date, but Isak is different. Or maybe not, I don’t know. I feel like what he said might be right and I think that might make me a terrible person.” 

“What’d he say?” 

“That I only want to mess around with guys, not date them,” Jonas let out a little groan and dropped his head into his hands. “I sound like a total closet case.” 

“A little,” Even laughed lightly, “but if that’s true, then I think you know what you want. You don’t have to devote yourself to anyone, if you don’t want. Just make sure that whoever you’re with knows that. And maybe you’ll even eventually find someone to settle down with, who knows. But, Isak is off limits.” 

“Yeah, yeah, maybe, and I know, trust,” Jonas laughed a little too, running a hand through his curls and then looking up at Even. He looked at him thoughtfully for a moment or two and then asked: “So, were you his first kiss?” 

 

**~Friday Evening~**

“There are going to be so many people at this party,” Vilde was explaining. The girls, Even, and Isak were all in Eva’s living room, watching as she spilled out decorations and crafts all over the place. She had about a billion bags full of them. Isak thought they were just going to be carving pumpkins, and he didn’t even want to but Even told him they had to. So here they were, sitting on Eva’s couch, listening to Vilde tell them what to do. “So we need the _best_ decorations. It has to look effortless yet completely cool, okay?” 

“I thought we were just carving pumpkins, Vilde?” Even spoke Isak’s thoughts, sitting up and putting his elbows on his knees. 

“Well we can’t just have jack-o-lanterns!” Vilde explained, beginning to untangle lights as she took a seat on the floor. “They’ll probably all be smashed by midnight anyway. I found a few cute ideas for DIY hanging ghosts and these cute little lights to make. Then I bought spiderwebs and then of course stickers to go all over the walls and windows. This place will look absolutely stunning by tomorrow night!”

“You’ve really gone all out,” Noora said, leaning down and clapping her hands to collect some of the clutter off the ground, as if trying to decide which decorations would be best for her to begin with. “Tell us, though, that you’re not going to keep us here until everything is up to your standards?” 

“Nei!” Vilde said and then motioned for the rest of them to get up off the couch and start doing something, and they did. She went on, “you guys can leave whenever, I just ask that you do your part!” 

“Why didn’t you ask your little boy toy to come help, too?” Chris asked, grabbing a pumpkin off the coffee table before examining carving knives to use. 

“Because boys suck at decorating,” Vilde said, and then looked up at Isak and Even, who both paused in their tracks and were looking down at her from where they stood above the decorations. Isak’s eyebrows were pushed together in confusion and Even’s up in a curious amusement.

“So, then why are we here?” Isak asked, squatting down and picking up a bag that had a bunch of bloody stickers that were supposed to stick to the windows. He rummaged around the bag and awaited her response. 

“Well, Even is really very artsy,” Vilde explained slowly, obviously trying to step over the fact that this was definitely a _because you’re gay_ moment. “So, perhaps you are too. Besides you two don’t really go anywhere without the other, so I figured if I invited him, I’d have to invite you, too.” 

“That’s so touching, Vilde, really,” Isak rolled his eyes and walked over to a window, sticking some bloody handprints on it with care. He didn’t really mind helping the girls, anyway and knew Even would love helping decorate even long after Isak got bored of it. So, he wouldn't complain, not too much anyway.

“Well, I’m pretty curious about the DIY stuff, actually,” Even said while everyone else started getting to work with cobwebs, giant skeleton stickers, and pumpkin carving. Isak listened to Vilde explain to him what they had to do and after she was done explaining, it got a little quiet with everyone’s concentration on what they were doing. 

“We need music or something,” Eva spoke up from where she was hanging a cobweb with Noora, “and we might as well drink some wine, too, don’t you think?” She left Noora to get tangled up in the web and went down to her room in the basement. When she came back up, she had a speaker and a couple bottles of white wine. 

“Well, now it’s a party,” Chris said as she globbed some pumpkin guts into the trash can. Eva set the music, some generic party stuff, and Isak finished the last sticker from the bag before heading over to Even and sitting beside him. 

“Having fun?” He asked and reached across to look at the DIY ghost lights he had already started to string. They were cute and crafty and all had Even’s signature touch to them. Cartoon eyes and creepy smiles. “They look nice.” 

“Thank you, want to help?” Even asked and grabbed another marker handing it over to him. “All you have to do is draw a face and then poke a little hole in the top of the cup here, stick the light in and wah-la! Little ghost guys who light up.”

“Nah, I’d rather just watch you work your magic,” Isak smiled and then nuzzled his nose into his cheek. Even laughed a little and turned his head, giving him a gentle kiss on the lips before pulling back. Isak felt his face flush a little as he remembered his settings, looking around and seeing all the girls were watching the two of them. “Sorry, shows over guys.” 

“Nei, you’re so cute,” Noora said from where she was standing, which was funny because she had been the one pulling them apart just the other day but now she was smiling happily at the two. She had just finished hanging up one of the webs in the corner of the room and was now throwing some fake spiders on it. “I think we’re all just a tad jealous.” 

“Speak for yourself,” Vilde said, taking a glass of wine from Eva and taking a sip. “Eva and I are happily spoken for, we have plenty of cute moments of our own, thank you.” 

“Wait, are you and Magnus like, official?” Even asked, ceasing his DIY lights for a moment as he hooked an arm around Isak’s shoulder. Eva handed him a glass and he took it with his free hand, clinging it against Isak’s after she handed him one too. 

“He hasn’t asked yet, but I’m certain that it’ll be happening soon,” Vilde shrugged and sat on the couch next to Chris, examining the work she’d done on the pumpkins before grabbing an uncarved one of her own. “He’s really very sweet and he seems to really like me. I would say yes if he asked to be my boyfriend. But don’t tell him that, he needs to figure it out on his own.” 

“Our lips are sealed,” Even said, squeezing Isak and looking at him. Isak couldn’t help but to smile and nod back. Then he rested his head on Even’s shoulder and looked over at Eva, wondering if maybe she did want what he and Even had. Vilde might get it from Magnus, but who knew if she would get it from Jonas. 

“Evaaa,” Noora said, walking over to the couch and plopping down on it next to Vilde, “Has Jonas asked you yet? Or are the two of you still keeping up you’re not exclusive stuff where he goes out with mean girls like Ingrid, makes out with Isak and you sit at home wondering where he is?”

“I did not need to be thrown into that, thank you,” Isak pointed to Noora and squinted his eyes. Jeez, she was supposed to be on his damn side. “I’m not making out with anyone except Even.” 

“Still,” Noora shrugged and looked at Eva, “he was making out with Isak, who says he’s not making out with other guys. You know nothing about what he’s doing when he’s not with you. Doesn’t that drive you insane? It’s not like you can trust him not to because you’re not _exclusive_.”

“Noora stop,” Eva sighed and sat on the arm of the couch, looking down at her. “I really like him, but maybe he needs to figure out how much he likes me.” 

“You should make out with someone else at the Halloween party,” Even said confidently and Isak couldn’t help but sneak a glance. It sounded like was the one scheming now. “Maybe it’ll make him jealous and he’ll realize that you’re the one and he’ll want to be exclusive.”

“Great idea!” Vilde clapped and then grabbed her phone, “I can go through the Facebook event and see what guys are coming that would be good for you, Eva. You can go to his Instagram or something and flirt a ton beforehand, you know, get your foot in the door like you did with the Penetrators last year.”

“Or, and I’m just throwing this out there,” Even said and cleared his throat, setting down his glass on the floor then moving behind Isak. He wrapped his arms around him and let his legs rest on either side of Isak. As if this was the better position to be in while he talked. Isak didn’t know why, but he wouldn’t complain, just leaned back into him happily. “I mean, we know that Jonas has been making out with guys, well a guy,” he squeezed Isak and he let out a little sigh, “so maybe you should make out with a girl. Maybe Noora?”

Isak just sipped his wine and tried to pretend like this wasn’t Even blatantly trying to push the two together. Noora looked over at Eva and raised her eyebrows, and Isak couldn’t tell if that was just her saying it was a bad idea, or consenting. Eva just looked at her, eyebrows raised back at her humorously. No confirmation or denial from either of them.

“Do you want her to make him jealous or make him come in his pants?” Chris said and then nudged Vilde’s arm. The two laughed, and Isak couldn’t help but choke on his wine a little, laughing with them. 

“It might make Even come in _his_ pants,” Isak said and then tilted his head against Even’s shoulder with a smirk, looking back at him. He didn’t actually want to think about Even being turned on by that, by anyone they knew besides himself, but he might as well poke some fun. Even made fun of him all the time. “Is that why you’re asking, babe, for a little show?”

“What? Nei,” Even looked down at him, a light smile playing across his face, as if to tell Isak he was going to have to try harder if he wanted to embarrass him. He lifted a hand to his cheek and stroked it with his thumb, tilting Isak’s head back more, “I’ve only got eyes for you, you know.” He smiled a little wider and pressed his lips to Isak’s, making most of the girls “awh.”

“Seriously guys, there’s such a thing called _too cute_ , and it makes some of us want to throw up immediately,” Sana said, making a gagging noise and then scrunching up her face. “And, honestly, we should really get back to decorating. I don’t even think we’re halfway done with what Vilde’s bought.” 

“I haven’t stopped!” Chris said and lifted up her poorly carved pumpkin to show everyone. “I was going to make it say Happy Halloween but it didn’t come out right, oh well.”

 

 **~Saturday Morning~**

Isak woke up the next morning with a headache and three new texts from Ingrid. So, a double headache. He didn’t really want to keep up this charade as her friend, it felt fake and he was tired of being fake. It wasn’t that he hated her, he just found her extremely annoying, always had. Not to mention she could go to bitch mode in point two seconds if someone so much as said the wrong thing about her hair. To him, she was basically the perfect caricature of a Mean Girl. 

****

**-Ingrid-**

_so, everyone is talking about Vilde’s party 09:47_

_I think Sara and I are going to check it out, it’s at Eva’s? 09:51_

_We’ll see you and Even there! Can’t wait! 09:53_

He read the messages and rolled over with a groan. Apparently Even had let him sleep in, because he was gone, his side of the bed cold. Isak took the blue pillow he’d been sleeping on and pulled it over his face for a moment. It smelled like his hair with the smallest hint of smoke. He didn’t mind the smell of the smoke, it had grown to remind him of Even. That didn’t mean he didn’t want him to quit any less, though. 

He pushed the pillow away with a sigh and got up, stretching before pulling on some sweats and going into Even’s room. Even wasn’t there, either, so Isak went over to the drawer where he kept his cigarettes and swiped them, bringing them back to his room and shoving them in his underwear drawer. It honestly probably wouldn’t be long until Even found them, but he thought it’d be funny anyway. He’d ask Isak and poke at him to tell him where they were hidden and then snoop through his drawers for them. 

Maybe he wouldn’t notice until Isak found something to put in there with them, and then it could be a cute little surprise. They were going shopping today, but Even might want to take one for the road, stick it behind his ear after they left the house for fashion, who knows. So, just in case, Isak grabbed a piece of paper, ripped it into a small rectangle and wrote the words “elsker deg” on it before rolling it up like a cigarette and placing it next to the others. It wasn’t much, but it was something. 

When he left his room, he heard the sounds of Even teaching Ana guitar. Ana was complaining that he was being mean and Isak just laughed to himself and headed towards the kitchen. He grabbed a peach, said hello to Even’s parents, then went out to the living room to watch the lesson. He had grown to like watching them, especially when Ana took breaks and Even played around with the strings on his own. Watching him skillfully move his fingers around the guitar had always been something Isak found amusing and sexy. 

“You should write me a song, someday,” Isak told him as Even faded out of a little rift he was doing. Ana was taking a bathroom and water break and Even was focusing in on Isak’s eyes while he had been messing around with some notes. It had made Isak’s heart beat so damn fast, he wasn’t sure how he managed to stay sat where he was because all he wanted to do was jump the boy, tackle him to the floor, and kiss him into oblivion. 

“Who says I haven’t already,” Even smirked and wiggled his eyebrows, going back to strumming as if that was the end of the discussion. As if he could just say something like that and it was totally okay. 

**~Saturday Afternoon~**

*

“I still think it’s a bad idea,” Even was telling Isak as they got off the bus. They were headed to a strip mall to find costumes. They still hadn’t settled on anything, but Even was certain that the they would stumble on something that he could make do with. There were at least two Halloween stores at the mall and a thrift store just down the road. 

He wasn’t surprised that the two of them couldn’t settle on something to be together. The only time that they ever dressed up the same for Halloween was when Even was eight and Isak was six. And Even’s mom had to convince him it was a good idea, because he was mad that Isak wanted to copy his pirate idea. Other than that, Even usually got very creative, and Isak stuck to the bare minimum for costumes. Even figured, though, that as long as he was in charge of the creative aspect, he could get something for the two of them that would work. 

“I guess we’ll know by the end of the night how bad of an idea it is,” Isak told him with a shrug, immediately wrapping his arm around Even’s waist. It seemed to become its permanent resting place, hand on his side, sneaking down to his hip and sometimes slipping lower into his back pocket. Even was surprised at how easy all of this came to Isak. When Even first started dating guys, he was nervous about that sort of public displays of affection with them. It took him awhile to grow into it. But, maybe Isak had just been so aware of who he was for a long time. 

Or maybe he was just that comfortable with Even. Which made him smile as he wrapped his arm around Isak’s shoulder and kissed the top of his head. 

“By the way,” Isak said, turning his head to him as they walked, “I don’t think that you trying to push Noora and Eva together is a good thing. Even if Noora was into her, I don’t think she’d be comfortable with it since she’s not, you know, out about it. Plus, Eva is straight.”

“Eva makes out with girls at parties all the time?” Even said, but it came out as more of a question as he turned his head back to Isak, raising a brow as if Isak didn’t already know this information. He thought for sure that Isak did, though, one of the girls had even been Vilde.

“While she’s _drunk_ ,” Isak pointed out as they got to the strip. The Halloween stores would be a little down the way, but Even didn’t mind bickering away with Isak in the pretty, brisk, fall afternoon air. “I could make out with girls while I’m drunk. It means nothing.” 

Even laughed and shook his head. Yeah, he’d witnessed a few of Isak’s drunken make out sessions before whatever girl of the evening was pulling him away to go down on him. Isak would just looked slopply and basically unaware of his surroundings, probably unaware that he was even kissing a girl. Maybe he was thinking about those pornos he liked to watch to help get it up. 

“It meant nothing to you, but how do you know it means nothing to her?” Even said and squeezed Isak’s shoulder lightly before kissing the top of his head again. 

“I don’t,” Isak confessed and Even could feel his shoulder bump up in a half-hearted shrug underneath his hand. “But, we’re pretty good friends, I feel like she would have said something.” 

“What if her making out with these girls at parties is her way of telling people, hmm?” Even told him as they approached the first Halloween store. He dropped his arm from Isak’s shoulder and opened the door for him, following him in past all the skeletons and werewolves that were screeching at them as they passed by. Even looked around a bit, thinking that Eva’s apartment looked better when they were done with it than the store did. That may have been his own pride or the wine, but he had felt pretty good when they left Eva’s the night before. 

“I think you just want to be right, Even,” Isak shoved him, and he stumbled back a little, almost knocking over a display of plastic pumpkins. Even laughed and shook his head as he recovered, quickly going back over to wrap his arm around Isak and hold him close. 

“I don’t want to be, I just always am,” Even teased and Isak rolled his eyes, his whole head moving with it in one sassy motion. Even couldn’t help but laugh about it. Isak did such cute things when he thought Even was being full of himself. It just made Even want to be more full of himself, more of the time. Even if it were a joke or a lie. He loved to see Isak full of sass.

They walked around the store for a while, none of the generic costumes fitting Even’s personal style. They were too fake, the fabric was all polyester and he certainly couldn’t be best dressed if he showed up in one of them. So, they tried to find other elements of costumes in the accessories. Even grabbed some fake blood, makeup and some of those plastic spider rings, not really sure what he’d do with it, but he’d buy it just in case something came to mind. He also grabbed two flower crowns for the both of them, because maybe he could do something with that, too. Or, at least maybe he could see Isak with flowers in his pretty curls for just a moment. 

“You realize that you’re holding the strangest assortment of things, right now?” Isak asked him, grabbing the bottle of fake blood and examining it for a moment as they walked to the register. Even watched him with amusement. “I mean, blood, zombie makeup, flower crowns? What are we going to be, dead flower children?”

“That’s not a half bad idea, Isak,” Even laughed and put the stuff on the counter before taking the blood out of Isak’s hand and setting it down as well. “But I’m still thinking, just let me think.” He paid for the things and Isak took the bag from the cashier with a cheerful thank you—much more cheerful than Even thought Isak could muster, but it was cute so he wouldn’t say anything. 

“It better be something that can be thrown together quickly, you know, we’re running out of time,” Isak pulled out his phone, checking the screen and Even peeked over. He had a text from Ingrid, which was suspicious, but more importantly, the time read 14:32. They still had hours to go before the party started. The girls suggested they be there for the pregame, but Even figured they didn’t need to. That would just give him less time to be creative, less time to be alone with Isak before all their friends started getting drunk and he’d have to share. 

“Come on, we’ll go to the thrift store down the way,” Even pointed to the direction it was in. It was going to be a bit of a walk, but he still really didn’t care. “I’m sure I’ll find something there to throw all of this together.”  
*

The smell of thrift shops always reminded Isak of his parents room. Like the old clothes his Mom kept from her Mom, his grandmother that he never met. They only collected dust, but she refused to get rid of them. Looking back, he would assume that maybe hoarding was the first sign of her illness. The connection she had to his Grandmother’s clothes, as if they spoke to her the words she was no longer around to say. The stories she’d once told him about The Blouse of a Thousand Words. His Grandmother’s apparent favourite. An ugly, yellow thing with shoulder pads and red, velvet flowers sticking right out of it. 

He let go of Even and let him dive right in to finding their costumes. Hopefully he would find them something without Isak having to help. Even obviously had something in mind with all his random purchases. So, Isak stayed towards the front, there were little displays and even a glass case that held jewelry. Isak walked up to it and looked down in. Everything in it looked kind of old, vintage probably. Something his unknown grandmother might wear with her yellow blouse, probably. Probably things that people gave away when they grandparents died, actually. 

He tore himself away from the thoughts of passing loved ones and focused on some of the things on top of the display instead. There were assortments of candy bars that if you bought they would go to some sort of cancer research, assorted colors of pens with feathers sticking out of the ends and then a weaved brown basket filled with rocks. 

Isak focused on the rocks, they were all glossy and shiny, different shapes and varying colors. He couldn’t be positive, but he was pretty sure nothing like them really occurred in nature. Someone had to have made them or painted them or something. The sign hanging off the basket say “two for one.” He couldn’t imagine that rocks that you could pick up off the ground anywhere would cost more than a few cents. 

“What’s with the rocks?” He asked the uninterested looking girl who was flipping through her phone behind the display. He picked up a rock, it was a shiny, light blue and reminded him of Even’s eyes. He examined it a little, it wasn't as rounded as some of the others, it had a jagged edge here and there, but it was still shiny and bright.

“Uh, I don’t know,” the girl shrugged and walked over to the basket, picking one up and looking it over before carelessly dropping it back in. “There’s a story, I think? I don’t remember it. My manager might know if you want me to go get him?”

“It’s not that important,” Isak set the blue rock on the glass then looked through a little more. If there was a rock that reminded him of Even, maybe there could be a rock that reminded Even of Isak. Green probably, like the color Eva painted his nails. Even had said it suited him. When he found one that seemed pretty close, emerald-ish with a bit of sparkle to it, he held it up to his face and looked at the girl, “Would you say that this reminds you of my eyes?” 

“Listen if you’re trying to pick me up, I have a boyfriend…” 

“Nei, so do I,” Isak looked around and spotted Even rummaging through a rack of shirts and pointed to him, “him, over there. Sorry, I didn’t mean to.. Uh.. yeah, I’ll just take these two rocks on the down low.” He pulled out a couple of coins and spilled them on the counter. “Keep the change,” he said quietly then slipped the rocks into his pocket. 

Rocks probably weren’t the most romantic thing, but he thought maybe if they carried them around, it’d be kind of like always having a piece of each other. Which, might have been stupid, but he had a feeling that Even would find it romantic, anyway. Even would probably go on about it being from the heart, and that that was all that mattered. 

Isak stuck his hands in his pockets and fiddled with the rocks a little as he went over to find Even. He had moseyed over to a section that looked more formal than Isak would have expected. He was checking out suit jackets, studying a couple in particular. 

“Are you trying to get me into a suit, Even?” He asked as he approached him. He wrapped his arms around him from behind and stood up on his toes to comfortably rest his head on Even’s shoulder, looking at the jackets he was checking out. “I didn’t realize you were literally saying we were going to be best dressed. I thought you just meant we’d have the best costumes.” 

“And we will,” Even said and then pulled one of the jackets off the hooks. “I didn’t know until I saw these. Here, try this on.”

“I don’t want to put anything on without washing it first,” Isak scrunched his nose and pulled away from Even. He had figured that if they got anything here, it would be something they washed before the party. He didn’t want to try anything on. 

“Oh don’t be a drama queen,” Even rolled his eyes and pushed the suit jacket into his chest. “You can put it on over your shirt, besides they clean everything, anyway. It’s not like you’re going to get a disease from the suit, you’re more likely to get one from me.” 

“Well, that’s something you want to hear from your boyfriend,” Isak huffed and shrugged off his jacket before passing it to Even and putting on the one he gave him. Even draped Isak’s jacket over his arm and then walked around Isak, tugging at the sleeves and pulling it shut to make sure it fit. “What are we even going to be that requires suits?” 

“Dead grooms, duh,” Even said, as if it were an obvious jump to that conclusion. “We’ll get the black suit jackets, splatter a couple of white button-ups with the blood, do some makeup. You have a pair of black dress pants that fit, right?” 

“Uh yeah, I think,” Isak was a little stunned by the idea. He knew people did Halloween as corpse brides and grooms, but it was just a bit of a shock to hear that’s where Even’s mind went. It didn’t mean anything, it wasn’t like he was proposing or anything, but it still made Isak’s heart flutter a little too much. 

“Perfect,” Even smiled, “and we can wear the spider rings on our ring fingers, how cute will that be? We’re totally going to put them on for each other, too. If there were a costume contest, we would win.” 

“What about the flower crowns?” Isak asked, “Are we wearing those too?” 

“Nei, we’ll save them for actual Halloween, wear them to school on Monday,” Even kissed his cheek and then helped him slip the jacket off before handing him back his own. “And if you say you’re too cool or manly for that, I will literally refuse to touch you for a week.” 

“Wow,” Isak raised his eyebrows and looked at Even, who was being completely serious. Isak wasn’t going to refuse. If Even wanted him to wear a flower crown on Halloween, what damage would it actually do? Besides, to see Even in one was enough to get him to say yes in the first place. “So quick to offer up not touching me, assuming that I’m just going to say no. Maybe _I_ shouldn’t touch _you_ for a week since you obviously think so lowly of me.” 

“Oi,” Even rolled his eyes and wrapped his hands around Isak’s waist, looking down at him with a pout, “Baby, I don’t think lowly of you. I was kidding. Besides, I could never actually not touch you for a week, you know. I couldn’t even do that before we were dating.”

Isak laughed, because that was true for both of them. Whenever they were together, they were always touching in some shape or form. Whether it was just their feet, their knees, their elbows, it was always something. He met Even’s eyes and they were smiling with him, now, the pout completely gone. Isak couldn’t help but to tilt his head up ever-so-slightly and silently ask for a kiss with slightly parted lips. 

 

**~Saturday Night~**

Isak washed both of the jackets, anyway even though they were probably not meant to be washed in a machine, he argued that if they got a little beaten up, it would just add to the costumes, anyway. They did their hair all nicely, Even’s up and pushed back with one lock hanging down the middle of his forehead, and Isak’s curls combed and tamed to the best of his ability. He was probably going to need to get it cut soon. They had fun splattering the white shirts with blood and then Even did their makeup—not too much, just some darkness around the eyes and blood dripping from places like their noses, mouths, corners of their eyes. And once all of that was done, they put on their suits and slipped the spider rings onto each others ring fingers. 

“You look beautiful as a groom, even dead,” Even told Isak with a smile, pulling him close by the hips and then pecking him on the lips. 

“So do you,” Isak agreed and then gave him a peck back before the two of them slipped out of the house and headed to Eva’s. They walked, passing by the last of the trick-or-treaters. That’s where Even’s family was, out escorting Ana around for candy—and would probably be back soon. She had gone as a punk-rock princess and even asked to take one of Even’s guitars as a prop—he said no. Actually _no way in hell_. But his mom scolded him for using that language in front of her and made him apologize. But, she agreed with the no, seeing as she paid for them and didn’t want to have to pay the repairs for them if they were broken. 

It was only a little passed 22:00 when they got there but the party already seemed to be off the ground. As soon as they opened the door, they could see a mass of bodies bobbing up and down to some popular rap music just through the living room door. There were people making out in the hallway and others littering the couch. Isak lead Even in by his hand, and Even had his free hand on his hip behind him. When he spotted Eskild, he quickly made his way over. 

“Eskild!” Isak had to yell over the music, tapping him on the shoulder. He was talking to another guy, well, probably more like flirting with him and Isak was probably interrupting. But it didn’t seem like Eskild cared as he turned around and squealed, pulling the two boys into a hug. 

“Even! Isak!” He yelled and then pulled them closer to the boy he’d been talking to, “this is Daniel, he just got done talking with Jonas. Gave him his number but says that he doubts he’ll call.” 

“Wow, so everything’s already in motion?” Isak raised an eyebrow and then looked at Daniel. He was a pretty boy, a little short with a button nose and high cheekbones. 

“Jaaaa, where have you been?” He looked between the two and then smirked, “nevermind! I probably know. You look wonderful, by the way.” He turned back to Daniel and smiled, “Don’t they look so adorable? Oh, but they’re together, so both off limits, don’t you dare start with _those_ eyes.” 

At that, Even pulled Isak further back into his chest and wrapped his arms around him tight. As if he had anything to worry about. Isak looked up and kissed his jaw before turning back to Eskild and Daniel, “Well it was nice meeting you. We’re going to go get some drinks and then we’ll catch up later.” 

Eskild gave him a dainty finger wave and then Isak was pulling Even through some more people, leading him into the kitchen. It was a little quieter in there, less people but still a couple bodies pressed against walls, making out as if they were the only ones in the world. Isak thought he would like to get that drunk with Even, have him push him against a wall and kiss him so hard he saw stars. But they were nowhere near drunk enough to be so carefree. They had had a few beers at Even’s house, but their buzzes were already starting to wear off. 

Sana and Noora were in the kitchen, sipping water by the counter and talking to each other. 

“Halla,” Even said to them as Isak got them cups—black ones Vilde had glued google eyes and cat ears to—and poured them some beer from the keg. He handed Even one and slipped in next to his side with a smile.

“Halla, you guys look great!” Noora said and nodded, “The suits are very sexy and the blood and makeup is a nice touch.” 

“We’re dead grooms,” Even said and lifted up his left hand, revealing the spider ring and laughing, “It was all my idea. But mostly because I thought Isak would look so fucking good in a suit, and what do you know? I’m right.” 

“I fucking knew it,” Isak rolled his eyes and nudged him a little. “I fucking knew he just wanted to get me into a suit, I fucking called it.” 

“He says that as if he didn’t want me in one, too,” Even smiled at him, knowing that Isak loved him in the suit, he had already told him a million times on the way there. He then looked around a little, taking in the rest of the people in the kitchen, “So then, where if everyone else?” 

“Let’s see,” Sana started, and put up her hand to count on her fingers, “Magnus and Vilde have been making out in the corner of the living room since he got here. Eva is plastered so Noora, Chris and I have been babysitting her to make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid—so that’s where Chris is right now. And I believe Mahdi and Jonas just went into the bathroom to smoke.” 

“Are you at least enjoying yourselves?” Isak asked, looking at the two of them. Isak always understood why Sana didn’t drink, he wasn't going to question her religion. But he didn’t quite understand why Noora was so against it too. She’d have a glass of wine here and there, but mostly, she kept the poison out of her body. 

“Ja, ja, always,” Noora said and then looked to Sana and they smiled, sharing a little moment before looking back at the boys. “Drunk people can be a handful, but they can also be very fun to hang out with, take pictures of, ridicule the next day.” 

*  
Even and Isak drank a little more, and Even even got Isak to dance some before he claimed that he had to find Eskild. And, that was fine, Even supposed, they had their little plan going on. But, Even wasn’t going to take part in it, so he went back to the kitchen to see if he could find Noora and Sana again. Early he had wanted to ask Sana if Elias, Yousef, or Mutta were around, but he didn’t really have it in him. Maybe he could now. 

After the break up with Mikael, things got a little awkward. He would still try to hang out with the guys but if Mikael was there, he just kind of felt like he was intruding. And it only got worse when he started dating Sonja. He could only imagine how much worse it might be now that he was dating Isak. Mikael used to get a little jealous of their relationship, and Even knew that he was totally justified. Everyone was justified to be jealous of their connection. It was pure and more real than anything he’d ever felt. So, now Mikael would probably just have something awful to say about it. Which meant Even had been just staying away. He thought a party might be a good place to reconnect, though. 

Chris was the one Even found Noora with this time. She was drunk and giggling in the seat next to Noora on the table. Noora was smiling cheerfully back at her and letting her go on with her story. “So he asked me if I’d go down on him, right? And I mean, he is not a half bad looking guy, but hello? I’m tired of sucking dick for dear life! They always want us to go down on them as if having a dick in our mouths is just so pleasing for us.”

“I don’t half mind a dick in my mouth,” Even said as he sat down, smiling playfully and flicking his eyebrows up quick at the girls. Isak would probably hit him for the comment, but he didn’t mind. “Especially Isak’s. There's something about being in control of a _joystick_ like that.”

“I bet it’s so pretty,” Chris said and Noora scrunched up her nose, sitting back in her seat and then looking at Chris incredulously. 

“It is,” Even laughed and leaned back. Okay, maybe he was a little drunk, too. He never really got into specifics about someone’s assets, but he found himself holding out his hands and pulling them apart. “About this big, too.” 

“Even!” Noora said and then slapped him on the back of the hand. Hard enough for it to sting, but he just pulled away and laughed, looking over at her like _what?_. “You can’t just go around talking about people like that. I thought you of all people would know that, aren’t you supposed to be some sort of feminist?”

“Guys talk about girls’ chests and asses all the time,” Even shrugged, still smiling as he took a sip of his drink. “William probably talked about yours. So, why can’t we talk about guys, too? I’d be honored to hear that Isak had been bragging about _my_ assets. It think it's pretty feministic—is that a word?—of me.” 

“But it’s a private thing,” Noora sighed and rubbed her forehead, “you guys are too much.” 

“You know what, now I kind of want a dick in my mouth,” Chris said and stood up from the table, tipping her cup back completely and then banging it down on the table with pride. “I’m going to go find him and quench this thirst.” 

Even started laughing so hard, he could barely see a thing, he almost fell back in his chair and Noora had to reach out and grab his shoulder to steady him back in his seat. It took him a few minutes to calm down, and he hoped that Noora found some humor in that, at least and wished Isak had been there to witness it. He said it all the time but he thought Chris was a damn riot. She had him in tears.

“She is ridiculous,” Noora said with a smile once Even finally calmed down, trying to carefully wipe his eyes as to not disturb his makeup too much. Even smiled back at her and gave her a shrug. “But that was definitely all your fault. If she catches something from that guy, I’m blaming you.”

“Fine, fine, blame me,” Even let out another huff of a laugh then looked at Noora, “hey so I’m gonna say something because I’m a bit drunk. If I make you uncomfortable, I apologize in advance.” 

“You're not about to hit on me, are you? Because Isak—” 

“Nei!” He rolled his eyes and took the last sip of his drink before getting up and pouring himself another. He usually kept track of this stuff, but he actually wasn’t sure how many drinks he had had at this point. Once he sat back down, he looked at her seriously, “If you’re into Eva, you need to just go for it. You don’t know how many years I wasted not going for Isak. I mean, we liked each other the whole damn time! Can you believe that?”

“Even, I—”

“Ingrid and Sara just showed up,” Sana said, coming into the room, crossing her arms and looking at Even. “Where is your boyfriend? They said _he_ invited them.”  
*

“It’s not that you’re nothing, Isak,” Eskild was telling him. They were both sitting on Eva’s bed and Isak knew the room was off-limits but it wasn’t like he and Eskild were in danger of having sex any time soon. He just had to get his opinion on this. “It’s called being versatile. Some people like it both ways, so what?” 

“But, I don’t think Even does,” Isak sighed a little and laid back, looking up at the ceiling. He was going to have to talk to Even about this, obviously, but he thought getting Eskild’s opinion on it first would be a better idea. Would give him a better idea of what he should even say. 

“Well, I suppose you should talk to him if it’s so important to you, then,” Eskild shrugged and then pulled Isak back up into a sitting position. The room spun a little when he did, making Isak realize how drunk he was. His phone buzzed in his pocket a couple times as Eskild went on. “If it’s not that important, I mean, you could always just go with it. I think it’s important, personally, that you get what you want. But, since you’ve never done any of it, maybe you can just start with what he knows. I’m sure he’s good at it, too, ugh the way he walks just fucking gives it away. Anyway, it’s your call. Talk him before you fuck, after you fuck, whatever. But I think you should talk.” 

“Please don’t picture my boyfriend having sex,” Isak groaned and went to fall back on the bed but Eskild stopped him, pushing him back up before he could fall all the way back. Maybe he was afraid that if Isak laid down, he would fall asleep.

“Oh, I have, and I’ve gotten off to it,” Eskild laughed and stood up, pulling Isak up with him. Isak’s phone buzzed a few more times. 

“So have I,” Isak sighed, finally reaching into his pocket to see he had a few new texts from Even himself. 

****

**-Ev-**

_Ingrid annd Sara jist got here? 23:21_

_They said yiu invited thrm? 23:21_

_Isak? Ingrid and Jonas arre hookung up, Eva is pissed 23:27_

_And now Eva ia talkong to them 23:28_

_Isak, where are you?? 23:30_

“Fuck,” Isak groaned and ran a hand through his hair as Even’s latest text rolled in. Why were Jonas and Ingrid hooking up? How was it that she even worked that fast after getting to the party? Why on earth would Jonas do that after everything the boys said about Eva being mad about that? Instead of sending a text back, he ran up the stairs and slipped out of the door, looking around the room to find Even. He was tall enough to stand out in a crowd and luckily Isak spotted the pretty blonde boy right away. 

He started elbowing his way through the crowd to get to him, to figure out what else happened when someone pulled him by the shoulder and spun him around. 

“Isak, what the fuck,” A very drunk, very pissed Eva was looking him in the eyes as she spoke, “so what, did you think _oh I can't have Jonas so neither can Eva??_ Honestly, why the hell would you tell Ingrid to hook up with him? What sick and twisted plan is that? Did you just want to hurt me because I had him?”

“Eva, no, of course not,” Isak sighed and put his hand on her shoulder, but she shook it off. 

“Seriously, Isak, get out of my house right now,” Eva commanded and pointed to the door. “I can’t even stand to look at you right now, fuck.” The people around them had stopped, watching the debacle, and Isak wanted to tell them to go the hell away, to pull Eva aside and just tell her that he was sorry, that he was trying to prevent her from getting hurt. 

“Eva please, let me explain—”

“I said GET OUT,” She yelled and pushed him back, a pair of arms caught him as he stumbled and he looked back to see Even there. Catching him when he fell, when the plan fell through. Just like he said he would.

“Come one, Isak,” Even stood him up straight and then looked over at Eva. Isak couldn’t see it but he imagined it was one of those looks that could kill. That he was mad at her for being so rude and not letting Isak explain. He let Even pull him away, down the hallway and out of the house. 

It wasn’t until the cold hair hit his face that he realized he was crying. He just wanted to explain to Eva, tell her he was trying to help, not hurt. Where was Noora? Eskild? Someone to defend him before she was kicking him out in front of everyone. She would have let Noora explain, he knew it and it hurt that she was thinking so lowly of him when all he had ever done was try to help. He ended things with Jonas because it hurt her, even though he thought it’d been fair, he concocted this stupid plan to help _her_. And all she could say was that he wanted to hurt her. And he may have just been drunk, but that fucking hurt like hell. 

“Isak, it’s going to be okay,” Even pulled him close and wiped out from underneath his eyes. He kissed his forehead a couple of times and then wrapped his arm around Isak’s shoulder, beginning to pull him down the street. “We’re going to take the long way home, and I’m going to tell you all of the reasons you’re amazing, okay?” 

“But, obviously I’m not,” Isak sagged into his side, walking slowly as he reached around Even’s waist as well. Half because he wanted to hold him and half because he needed the support. “I should have listened to you. Everyone is going to hate me.” 

“They are not,” Even sighed and kissed the top of his head a couple of times as they walked. “Noora isn’t going to let you take all the heat for this, I know it. We’ll figure it out. But, please, for now, just listen to me tell you how amazing you are. I’ll tell you everything about that beautiful body of yours to that beautiful mind. All you have to do is listen.” 

*  
Even started by telling Isak that he loved the crinkles by his eyes when he laughed, the way they shut almost completely as he did. He told him about how he didn’t think anyone could have cuter dimples, or that anyone could have such soft curls. He probably spent a good ten minutes on his eyes and another ten on that nose and those perfect cupid's bow lips. He told him about how proud he was of Isak for being able to be so open with him publicly, how proud he was that Isak was happy with himself. He told him about how he loved that Isak loved his family, how he always made sure to say the right thing to Ana even when Even couldn’t. He told him about how good he was to his friends, even when he thought he was terrible, he always had their best interests in mind. He reminded him all the times he’d helped Even when he was manic, when he was depressed, when he was hurting himself. 

He told him everything short of telling him that he loved him. He did love him though, but maybe then just wasn’t the right time. At least Isak had stopped crying. He hated seeing him cry, it broke his heart.

When they finally got back home, it was a little after midnight and all the lights were off in the house. He unlocked the door and let Isak in first, and then as soon as he had the door closed again, Isak was pushing him against it and kissing him hard. They kissed as they kicked off shoes and pushed off their jackets. It would be a little bit of a mess, but the boys weren’t always so great with hanging up their coats, anyway. 

They spun around, hands running through each other’s hair, down their backs, squeezing each other's asses. Even felt his lips swelling, his pants tightening as he kissed further against Isak’s mouth. He tasted of alcohol and salt and Even just wanted more as he licked the inside of his mouth, pushing him up against the wall with a louder bang than he meant. He would’ve asked if he was okay, but Isak moaned into the kiss, pressing his hand to the back of Even’s neck as Even started undoing his button-up. 

Once Isak's shirt was unbuttoned, Isak was the one pushing Even back, their lips never parting as he started undoing the buttons on Even’s shirt. He pushed Even back up into a bookshelf and a couple books rained down, both of the boys laughing a little against the other's lips. Isak then kissed down his jaw as Even leaned against the bookcase. He could feel the slow unbuttoning of his shirt, a little moan of his own escaping his lips as Isak sucked on one of his collarbones. 

“Kiss me,” Even said lowly once his shirt was completely unbuttoned. They couldn’t strip completely before they got to the room, that would be way more than obvious in the morning. But, he thought maybe he could carry Isak to his room from where they were. They were definitely in the living room, Even hadn’t taken a look at their surroundings, but he was sure. 

Isak slowly kissed back up his neck, leaving little bites that just turned Even on further as he made his way back to his lips. Isak was almost there when the overhead light in the room turned on, the place brightening up immediately. 

“Even? _Isak?_ ” Martin asked in a bewildered voice as the two boys tore apart, breathing heavily with puffy lips and unbuttoned shirts. Even couldn’t help but to instinctively step in front of Isak. To guard or protect him or hide him or _something_.

“Dad, I can explain,” He somehow managed to say even though he thought that his voice was going to betray him. Even though the only explanation had to be exactly what his Dad was probably already thinking. “Isak and I were—”

“Stop,” Martin said, putting his hand up to silence him and then collecting himself for a moment before speaking, “First, the blood isn’t yours, is it?” He looked to Even then behind him at Isak. He waited for both boys to answer, which they did by shaking their heads, and then went on, “Second, I’m going to pretend like I’ve seen nothing. But, in the morning, you’re telling your mother and I whatever is going on here. Or I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyyeee so Papa Bech Næsheim finally knows something is UP. and Eva is mad and what was Noora going to say?? And I wonder what Jonas is thinking and wow Evak is getting so damn mushy and sappy I am not surprised. Also I hope you understood the typos in Even's drunk texting, I tried not to make it too off. 
> 
> Anyway I really hope you enjoyed reading and I hope you continue on, enjoying. 
> 
> Comments/Kudos/anything you want to constructively say is always, always accepted and loved and thanks again!!


	9. Now Is All There Is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I'm sorry I've slowed down on the updates, things are a little hectic.
> 
> Thank you to everyone holding on and looking forward to what's next. Trigger warnings would be fluff on fluff, some talk of shitty parents, and Eva lol.

**~Sunday Morning~**  
*  
Even felt stressed the minute he woke up. He and Isak tried to make plans of what they would tell his parents the night before and maybe they had it down, but he was still on edge because he didn't know what to expect. It’d been hard to gauge his Dad’s feelings the night before when he caught them. Yeah, he let them off for the night, but maybe he’d just been too tired to deal with it then, maybe it was too much to handle right then. He was forcing them to talk about it and Martin was never really one to use force or ultimatums, so it felt like he had to be mad. Mad that they were a couple? Or just mad that they’d obviously been keeping it a secret? They were going to find out but he wasn’t sure either of them were actually ready. 

He had a hangover. Isak probably would, too. And, on top of that pain, Isak would be dealing with his stress over the stupid Eva and Jonas thing, and now this. Sometimes, everything fell apart. It was the only way for things to piece back together the right way. It happened to Even all the time, always getting a step closer to correct puzzle formation. Even wasn’t the one falling apart this time, though. It was Isak, and Even didn’t want to witness it, he would want to help him but he felt more stress just imagining his pain. And, if his parents’ reactions were a part of Isak breaking? Even wasn’t sure how he was going to handle it. He might finally just leave, take Isak with him. 

He gently got up, weaving himself out of Isak’s limbs. They had been tangled up in Even’s bed all night after they had washed their faces of the fake blood and makeup. Even tried not to think that maybe if his Dad hadn’t caught them, they might’ve had sex, but that definitely seemed to be where things had been going. It was for the better, he supposed, Isak said he wanted it to be special, he might’ve regretted it if they had been drunk their first time. If it had happened while Isak was upset. His Dad interrupting may have been one of those things that happened for a reason. He was just nervous about the outcome of his Dad finding them _like that_. 

He needed a cigarette. Which was bad, he knew. He had been spacing out his cigarettes really well, but lately he’d been craving them more often. Too much was going on and he was falling back into the habit. 

He got up and went to his drawer, only to find that they weren’t there. He hadn’t smoked one last night, had he? He walked over to the window sill, checking to see if he’d left the pack there, if there were any new butts in the ashtray. But no. He paused and ran a hand through his hair, trying to retrace his steps. The last time he had taken a cigarette was Friday morning. Then he had put the pack back where he kept it. So where was it now?

He stood there for a while, looking at Isak sleeping as he tried to figure out where they might have gone until he realized it was probably Isak himself. Isak didn’t openly object to his smoking, but he did support his quitting. It had to be Isak. He probably thought he was being funny, maybe even helpful. But Even needed the release. He needed it now. 

“Isak,” he said, walking over to the edge of the bed and kneeling down, “Isak, where did you put my cigarettes? You moved them, didn’t you?” He shook him lightly by the shoulder, watching as his face contorted as he started to wake. 

“Eveeeen,” he groaned and started to turn over, but Even stopped him. He pinned him down on his back and moved on top of him, straddling his hips and shaking him some more. Isak squeezed his eyes shut tighter and then opened them slowly, looking up at Even and rubbing his face, “What do you want? Why are you shaking me? My head hurts.” 

“Did you move my cigarettes?” 

“Faen, Even,” He groaned and reached up, pushing his chest, but Even stayed firm and his position, watching the younger boy squirm in annoyance and tiredness beneath him. “Jaaaa, but you don’t need them right now. We’re going to be talking to your parents and you don’t want to smell like smoke for that. Do you?”

“I’ll smoke, shower, wake you up, and then we’ll talk,” Even said, already having planned this out the minute he realized he needed a cigarette. Except, he had to wake Isak up earlier than he planned. Because he had to be a little thief, and that wasn’t Even’s fault. “Now, tell me where you put them, baby. I’m stressed about the talk, I need one.” He used the pet name, hoping that would give him some points. Sweeten Isak up so he would give him what he wanted. 

“I’m stressed, too,” Isak said, rubbing his face some more and then running his hand through his hair. He still sounded so sleepy, so cute. Still a thief, though. Even was going to try not to be focused on those cute things about Isak that made him get all weak and instead focus on getting what he wanted. The cigarettes. A release.

“Well, you’re not smoking, too.” 

“Can’t we just kiss instead?” Isak said, now running his hands up Even’s chest, meeting him in the eyes. “That always makes me feel better. Is that enough to make you feel better, too?” 

Even sighed and looked down at him, immediately going soft and tender for the boy. He wasn’t sure a kiss was going to satisfy his craving, the need for smoke in his lungs, but Isak was right. Kissing him always made him feel better. Always made things around them go blurry, his mind would fog up completely and the only clear thing would be Isak, his lips, his body beneath Even’s hands. He could sure as hell try to substitute kissing him for a cigarette. 

“Sure,” He nodded and smiled small, leaning down and placing his lips gently on Isak’s. He started slow and let it grow from there. Isak’s hands slipped up his sides, landing underneath his arms and pulling Even down more, making them lay there, chest to chest. Even, in turn, carded his hands through Isak’s messy, slept on curls that were still somehow incredibly soft. The kiss grew faster, Isak’s tongue pressing into Even’s mouth and finding its way against Even’s own. They slid up against each other with a burning angst for more. The taste was a little stale, but Even didn’t care as he gripped the curls on the back of Isak’s head and began flicking his tongue rapidly into Isak’s mouth, craving more and more as the kiss became deeper, more intimate. 

Isak let out a soft little moan against Even’s lips and that’s when Even was sure this was a million times better than a cigarette. If he could just kiss Isak every single time he had a craving, he wouldn’t be struggling so hard to quit and feeling guilty for not being able to. He could easily grow addicted to Isak. 

Fuck it, everyone was about to know anyway, and he wanted to taste Isak’s skin. He wanted to mark up his pretty neck so bad. So, he kissed down his jaw slowly, tugging more at the hair on the back of Isak’s head to tilt his head back as he did. The kisses were wet and sweet, lips slightly parted as he made his way to his ear, kissing below it once, then a bit further down where he started sucking on the sensitive skin. He let his tongue graze it, his teeth bite at it while he tasted the sweet saltiness of Isak. Isak. Isak. Isak who crooned at the sensation, eyes closed and lips parted. Isak who gripped onto his back for dear life, tilting his head back and arching his body into Even’s. 

It was a morning softness, a delicacy, something Isak was providing him that told Even that nothing could change. He was going to need Isak beneath him, on top of him, curled up into his side for however long the boy would let him. He needed it more than he needed air, he was almost a hundred percent sure. He breathed in against his skin before pulling away and looking down at Isak, who was starting to fall to pieces from the touch. 

“Isak,” Even said quietly as he began running his fingers gently through his hair again. Isak looked distraught, helpless beneath him and _fuck_ , Even was in love and the morning light on Isak’s face. It made him radiant like sunshine. He couldn’t help himself, “Isak. Isak. Isak. Isak, I love you.” 

“I love you too,” Isak replied, not skipping a beat. It was the first time they were admitting it out loud like this and Isak didn’t even have to think about it. It made Even so happy that he dived back in for another kiss, this time slow and soft, tongues dancing instead of flicking, hands holding onto each other instead of gripping for purchase. This time when he pulled away, he pressed his forehead to Isak’s, staring into his lidded eyes. 

“Nothing can change,” Even said, still so close to his lips. He brushed them against his before pulling away completely and slowly getting off him, letting his hands run down his chest and abs as he did. “So you’ll follow my lead, okay? This is going to end well. It has to.” 

 

The boys got dressed and kissed some more, taking their time to wind down and relax. It took Isak a little longer because apparently Even got him going a little too much. Even would have gladly helped him out with it, but Isak told him no. He said he didn’t want to face his parents directly after that, especially now that he had a nice, slowly darkening hickey on his neck. He loved how Isak cared so much about their presentation, but he loved that pretty bruise on his neck more. It was his own little presentation of their love. Maybe not a selling point, but something.

When they left the room, Even pulled Isak out by the hand; might as well go big, make a show of their love. They walked out into the kitchen like that, Even clearing his throat to get both of his parents attention as they did. Martin and Josefine were both in there, his Dad reading the paper and his Mom turned around at the counter pouring herself a cup of coffee—probably not her first of the day. Ana was in there, too, eating a bowl of cereal at the table. 

“Ana,” Martin said calmly once he lowered the paper and looked at the boys, “why don’t you go finish your cereal out in the living room? You can watch your cartoons. Just be careful not to spill.” Ana looked over at the boys, let out a dramatic sigh and left the room. Even was itching for his mom to turn around already, but she was adding sugar to her coffee and stirring it with care. 

“Mom, Dad,” Even cleared his throat, hoping that she would finally turn around. “Isak and I have some news, so uh, we have to talk.” 

“What honey?” Josefine turned around with her coffee in both hands and took in the state of the boys, standing there just inside the doorway, holding hands. Even could feel Isak’s hand tighten around his own and couldn’t help but look at him to make sure he was okay. His eyes were a little wide and his jaw was clenched, mouth closed tight in a straight line as he looked back up at Even in slight worry. 

“Uh, Isak and I are together, a couple,” Even said then swallowed hard, raising their hands and making a point to kiss the back of Isak’s. He thought maybe it’d ease him, but he just felt Isak tense up beside him. So he walked over to the table, pulling him with as he sat down. “We thought that you guys should know.” 

“This is a joke?” Josefine raised an eyebrow and slowly sat down, looking at the two boys with furrowed eyebrows. If it were a joke, she obviously was not seeing the humor in it. “I mean, you’re practically brothers. Isak, are you even…?” 

She trailed off but both Even and Isak knew the rest of the question. Was he gay, or something along those lines? But Even couldn’t help but to focus on the former comment. That they were _practically brothers_. It made him cringe. Never once in his life had he thought of Isak as a brother. He had been a friend, a best friend, and now a lover, but never a brother in the sense she meant. They didn’t share any real family ties, no blood. It was almost like his parents were Isak’s in-laws, instead of actual parents. 

“It’s not a joke,” Even took a deep breath, trying to keep everything calm. He looked over again at Isak and gave him a small smile, wanting to wrap his arm around him, but instead he just kept his hand tight in his own. He looked back at his Mom and tried to give her the same calm, a smile to tell her that he was happy—even though he was more like _nervous_ at the moment. “It’s a relatively new development, but it’s true. If I’m being completely honest, like you want me to be, I love him. Not like a _brother_ or as a best friend, but like I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Like he could be my soulmate.” 

This time he didn’t dare to look at Isak. He was afraid that maybe that had been too deep. They may have exchanged “I love yous” but they hadn’t gone as far as to say they’d spend eternity together. He wouldn’t make Isak tell him if he thought the same. It was just how he felt, and he thought maybe it’d drive his point home with his parents. 

“Even,” his mom spoke quietly, reaching across the table for Even’s free hand and looking him in the eye for something. She took a moment, just examining him, and Even knew exactly where she was going to go. “Is this some sort of episode?”

“No,” Even let go of her hand immediately, hating how he could never express any sort of big emotion without her jumping to whether or not he was manic. “I can have feelings without it being caused by an episode, Mom. I’ve loved Isak for a long fucking time.”

“Language,” Martin spoke up, giving him a look. They didn’t care if Even swore, but it was always an issue if it was at or to one of them or Ana. “How long, Even?” 

“A long time,” Even shrugged a little and looked at Isak, giving him another smile and watching as Isak smiled back. He wasn’t sure if his smiles were helping Isak, but Isak’s were sure as hell helping him. “But it’s the first time it’s been right for us. I haven’t been this happy in a long time. Like, true happiness. Not manic happiness.” 

“I’m happy, too,” Isak spoke up beside him, and Even looked back over, letting go of his hand and wrapping his arm around him now. He had to, not only because he wanted to, but because he wanted to support Isak. “I, uh, recently came out and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys, it’s just all a little confusing. I mean, to some people it was obvious and it’s not like I was really bringing girls over anyway and then I knew you’d be accepting because of Even. I hadn’t expected him to feel the same way about me that I did about him, either. But, uh, yeah, I’m gay and I love Even. In those same ways.” 

“Wow,” Josefine said and sat back. She looked between the two of them and ran a hand through her blonde hair, “I don’t know what to say, boys. I don’t know what to think. I mean, we’ve basically thrown you together, haven’t we?”

“I think we would have found our way together eventually, no matter what,” Even said, he was trying to be mature about this. If his parents could see him like the adult he was, and not some lovestruck teenager, then things would be better. But it was hard not to sound so naive while he was spewing things about soulmates, and it was difficult not to because it was a connection the two of them had always had. One he thought that maybe just meant they were supposed to be best friends for so long, but now knew was something else entirely, something stronger. But explaining the bond, explaining their feelings, it was going to be difficult, it was going to sound naive to his parents. No matter what.

“What happens if it doesn’t work out?” Martin asked, fiddling with the paper in front of him. He was obviously nervous, whether it was with the idea of the two of them amidst some horrible break up under his roof, or just the situation in general, Even wasn’t sure. But, his fingers kept playing with the corners of the newspaper, ever-flipping it up and down. 

“I think it will,” Even told him, then looked down at the table for a second, knowing that that was one of those lovestruck teenager answers. He sighed and then looked back up, “But, uh, if it doesn’t, then it’ll be fine. I want him in my life always. I’ve told him a million times that he’ll always be my best friend. Always.” 

“That’s easy to say, Even,” Martin said in a warning tone, taking a deep breath and looking at the boys. “I think you guys need to really think about this, think of the possible consequences, talk about it. Your friendship is something a lot of people would die for. You don’t want to ruin it because maybe you’re mistaking your feelings. Just because you care deeply for each other doesn’t have to mean you two should be together. Maybe being friends is what’s better, what’s right.” 

“Only I know what I feel, and only Isak knows what he feels,” Even cleared his throat and looked at Isak. He knew in his heart that he felt feelings for Isak that he never felt about anyone. Knew that there was a love worth exploring. It was inexplicable, but he knew they were meant to be more than best friends. “We have talked about it. Just best friends don’t feel the way we do. I don’t think we can prove it to you, but it’s real. I’ve never felt quite like this.” 

“In any case,” Josefine began, reaching over and taking Martin’s hand to stop him from fiddling about, “there has to be rules. I may be shocked, but of course I’m glad if you two are happy. It’s just.. There’s a lot about this that is going to take some adjusting. For everyone. So, you’re father and I are going to talk about it and get back to you. Just please, be decent around your sister for now. She’s so impressionable at her age.”  
*

**~Sunday Afternoon~**

After talking to Even’s parents, Isak sent out a few texts to Jonas and Eva, asking them both if they could talk to him, but neither of them seemed to be answering. Eva even had her read receipts on, so he knew she was seeing them, reading them, even. Just not responding to him. He was worried that she was building up all this bullshit about him in her head. She needed to just come around and let him talk. It was only fair. 

He already had a few texts from Magnus and Mahdi to answer. They had made a new group chat, just the three of them and named it “what the fuck is going on.” They’d sent a few texts in it and they were awaiting Isak’s response, even though he wasn’t exactly sure how to answer without screwing everything over even more. He figured he’d just be straight up, the boys would help him get to Jonas and Eva. Maybe. Hopefully.

****

**-WTF is going on-**

Mahdi  
 _What happened last night? Eva was pissed. Jonas too. 11:47_

Magnus  
_Vilde told me Isak and Jonas were hooking up and Eva found out. 11:50  
But Jonas was also making out with Ingrid and I guess Isak invited her? 11:53_

Mahdi  
_Jonas and Isak?? But what about Even??? Is Jonas gay too? Or pansexual? 11:55_

Magnus  
_No, no it was before Evak. But now there’s Ingrid.  
I forget, what’s pansexual again?  11:58_

Mahdi  
_When you like both, like Even. 12:05  
Isak just needs to answer. HE KNOWS EVERYTHING. I’m sure. 12:06_

Isak  
_Alright so, I’ll tell you what’s up with the Jonas thing tomorrow. But, basically Eva is mad because I was trying to prove a point. I wanted to show her that Jonas wasn’t going to be exclusive so I had Ingrid talk to Jonas. I thought maybe it would push the two of them to figure out what they had going on with each other. It was a bad idea, basically but I was just trying to help. I’ll talk to you guys about it tomorrow. Hopefully Jonas will understand.  
12:33_

Magnus  
 _Sounds a bit fucked but we got your back, bro. Right, Mahdi? 12:34_

 _ Mahdi  
Yeah, yeah, always. 12:36_

It was a lot harder to explain over text than he imagined. Every time he explained it, he sounded more and more foolish for his assumptions of where it would lead. Of course Jonas wasn’t going to understand. He was literally out to fuck him over in his whole relationship with Eva. It hadn’t been what he intended to do but every time he thought about it, it was exactly what was meant to happen, wasn’t it? He wanted to think about the things that Even said about whether people are meant to be together, if they fit, it’ll work out right. And, since all of this was happening, well, maybe it just meant that they weren’t meant to be. He wanted to hope that it wasn’t because of him, but it sure felt like it. 

He just wanted Jonas and Eva to understand.

He needed to talk to Noora and Eskild, too. Neither of them had come to his rescue, yet. Neither of them had so much as sent him a text message to make sure he was okay after Eva kicked him out. So, he took it upon himself to make his own group chat with them, saying that he would be over with Even shortly. That’s how the two of them ended up holding hands outside their apartment, waiting to be let in. Even had knocked a few times and the two just stood there quietly, their hands swinging beside them as they waited. Eventually, Noora opened the door. She looked at the two of them and then opened it wider, ushering them in without a word. It made Isak kind of nervous. At least if Eskild had answered, it would have been a warm greeting, something that told him that everything was going to be fine. But, as they followed Noora into the kitchen, Isak had a bad feeling in his stomach that everything was not going to be fine. 

“Why did you invite Ingrid to the party?” Noora finally asked, leaning against the counter top and looking back at the boys who were now standing in the middle of the kitchen. Eskild wasn’t around, or at least not in sight. “I mean, I knew you were going to get her to hit on Jonas but at a party at Eva’s? Don’t you think that crosses some sort of line?” 

“I didn’t invite her,” Isak said and pulled out a chair to sit down in. He hadn’t even encouraged Ingrid to come. “She said everyone was talking about it and that she and Sara were going to check it out. I didn’t know that me saying _okay_ made that a formal invite? They would have just showed up anyway. Besides, I didn’t think things were working out between Ingrid and Jonas then!” 

“Isak,” Even moved a chair next to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulder, pulling him into his chest a little, “Calm down, it’s okay.” And then he turned to Noora, looking up at her and continuing his calm demeanor and said, “Jonas had told the boys at lunch that he didn’t like Ingrid. That her brother just hooked him up with weed. It’s not Isak’s fault.” 

“Well, Eva is pissed,” Noora sighed and then jumped up on the counter, looking down at them as she ran a hand through her hair a couple times. She looked a little distraught as looked back and forth between the two of them. “She and Jonas are through, though. I’m pretty sure, anyway. But she’s not happy about it. She kept going on about how Isak just wanted to ruin things and I...I was afraid to tell her that I was a part of it too. I’m sorry.” 

“Noora! She’s gotta know that it wasn’t just me or she’s going to hate me forever,” Isak groaned and threw his hands up. He was furious, but Even put his head on his shoulder and rocked him a little, trying to keep him calm. “She’ll never believe me that it was for _her_ if you don’t tell her. She thinks I was trying to tear them apart because I couldn’t have him! She’ll just think I’m making up excuses!” 

“Well if I tell her and she gets mad at me, too, what’ll we do?” Noora looked down at the ground, kicking her feet a little. 

“You come clean and then the both of you apologize together,” Even said, pulling away from Isak a little bit so that he could look down at him. Make sure he knew that he was being serious, “you come clean and you _apologize_ before you explain. The apology is the part she’s going to care about. It may not fix things right away, but if she doesn’t forgive you guys then I think maybe she’s got something going on. Like, what good can really come from being mad at people who only care about you?”

“What if—”

“Even, Isak!” Eskild entered the room, rubbing his eyes, he was shirtless and appeared to be just waking up. “God, I was hungover all morning but I got so much dick last night, it’s hard to complain,” he paused and looked around, slowly reading the room and leaning against the wall, “What’d I miss?”

 

**~Monday Morning~**

Even walked Isak to class and kissed him the longest goodbye of his life. Pressed him against the wall in the hallway and just kissed him and kissed him until neither of them could breathe. If there was anything in Isak’s life that was going right, it was Even. They still hadn’t heard anything from his parents yet, but they had also spent a lot of time away from home on Sunday, taking a day to themselves away from all the stress in their life. But, both of them knew that school was going to bring the stress in Isak’s life to full force. Even was trying to kiss that stress right out of him before he had to go face to face with Sana, maybe even Ingrid. 

“Want me to meet you here to walk you to your next class?” Even asked, running his hand down Isak’s arm and taking his hand as he pulled away from his boy. 

“Nei, that’s way out of your way,” Isak shook his head and squeezed his hand. “I can handle myself, don’t worry.” 

“If you say so,” he said and smirked a little, telling Isak that he might find him out there after class, anyway. He smiled and pecked him on the lips once more before strutting away with his usual confident demeanor, that damn way he walked that apparently gave away how good he fucked, according to Eskild. Isak just watched for a moment, not being able to help himself, still feeling tender from his kiss, intoxicated by him. 

After a few moments and a few people filing into the classroom, Isak went in too, walking to the back of the room and meeting Sana back at their lab table. They hadn’t been walking to class together much since he and Even because a couple, and Isak kind of missed it. Missed the bickering about who was going to score higher on their homework or tests. His relationship with Sana wasn’t like any of his other friends. It was competitive, kind, and maybe even a little fragile. 

“Halla,” he said as he sat down, putting his bag on the floor and rummaging through it for some things, hoping Sana didn’t stab him with her pencil while he had his back turned. 

“Halla,” She said back as Isak turned back in his chair, putting his notebook and laptop on the desk. She was looking at him knowingly, with an air of maturity and confidence that said she was above Isak in every way. That she knew what was right and that Isak was all wrong. Not too unusual.

“Are you about to rip me to shreds, Sana?” He leaned over with his elbow on the table, resting his head on his hand as he looked at her. “Because if you are, you might as well just get to it now.” 

“I just don’t get it, Isak,” Sana said carefully, crossing her arms over her chest and turning more in her chair to look at him. “You have Even, so why are you so obsessed with what’s going on with Jonas and Eva? Shouldn’t you be more focused on your own relationship, instead of the relationships of others?” 

“Well,” Isak rolled his head in his hand a little, getting his thoughts together before he went on. He knew better by now not to just tell Sana the first thing that came to mind. It would always be wrong. It’d probably be wrong no matter what he said, but it was worth a shot to try to sound right, at least. “I just thought that maybe it was all my fault. You know, because of what happened between me and Jonas? That maybe I confused him and that might have been why he was keeping Eva at a distance. That maybe I was going to be the reason she got hurt.”

“Nothing was your fault until you got Ingrid involved, Isak,” Sana rolled her eyes. “Your problem is that you’re focusing much too much on the lives of other people. Their lives aren’t going to revolve around you. Jonas was probably confused long before you, and Eva was probably going to be hurt by him anyway, with or without you.”

“Okay?” Isak furrowed his eyebrows and looked at her. “Was that supposed to make me feel better?”

“More like it was supposed to make you think,” Sana told him, reaching up and fixing her hijab. She was just going on with her ever-wise tone and words, sitting up straighter which just made her seem more above him. “It’s just that maybe you need to focus on you and Even. I realize Even may be passive about it or whatever because he’s all about people doing what they want, but if you focus too much on Jonas and Eva, you’re probably going to lose him.” 

“Well, that’s definitely not making me feel any better,” Isak sighed and then put his face in his hands. Even had really been cool about the whole thing, supportive of Isak doing what he thought he needed to do. However, he did once say that he wanted Isak’s attention, didn’t he? Was Isak focusing too much attention on his guilt over what was happening with Jonas and Eva? He didn’t mean to, he had just wanted to make things right again. 

“Sometimes we need to hear things that we don’t want to hear,” Sana said and put a hand on his shoulder for a brief moment before removing it. As if remembering that she wasn’t a touchy-feely person, that she and Isak may have been close, but never close enough to be comforting each other like that. Or really at all unless they had been guilted into it.

“I guess,” Isak lifted himself back up and looked at her, realizing that he wasn’t sure where he’d be without all of Sana’s advice. She was always there to provide wisdom, even when he didn’t think he needed it. Sana was probably right, maybe it hadn’t strained his relationship just yet, but it definitely could. “So I guess I’ll just apologize and then give it up.” 

“And maybe give them a few days of space, focus on Even,” Sana nodded and then looked down for a moment before looking back up at him, “What about Noora? Does she have some guilt about something too? Why was she in on this?”

“She said she didn’t want Eva to get hurt, I don’t know,” Isak shrugged and looked away. He could tell her Even’s theory but he wasn’t one to spread gossip like that. He wasn’t going to go around outing someone who wasn’t even out-able. 

“Then I’ll talk to her about it and then all of us are going to put this whole mess behind us,” Sana nodded confidently and even gave a little smirk. “With or without Jonas. Though your boys seem rather keen.” 

 

**~Monday Lunch~**

Jonas wasn’t in school that day. Whether it was because of what happened over the weekend or if it was something else, Isak wasn’t sure. He wasn’t in the class they had together. And, like Sana advised, Isak tried not to focus on it. It wasn’t any of his business why Jonas wasn’t in school and he wasn’t going to ask anyone any questions about it. He’d focus on Even, the boy that was there with him, the boy he loved. 

He walked to the lunch table with Even—who had met him after every one of his classes today. Isak promised over and over again that everything was okay—he hadn’t encountered Eva or Ingrid, so far it didn’t seem like there was any gossip giving him a backlash, and Sana had been fine to him. She made him nervous about his relationship with Even, but at least she hadn’t jumped down his throat the way he thought she might. So, things were going okay, and though Even walking him from class to class and distracting him with kisses was absolutely amazing, it wasn’t necessary. 

Mahdi and Magnus were already sitting there, talking animatedly when Isak and Even showed up and took their usual seats. 

“Halla, what are we talking about?” Isak asked, deciding it was going to be easier to act like there was nothing in the air. Like the boys weren’t about to ask him an onslaught questions about Jonas and Eva and Ingrid and God knows what else about being somewhere on the LGBT spectrum. 

“Magnus thinks he could get Vilde to do a three-way with Eva,” Mahdi said, shaking his head and looking over at Isak. “Please tell him he’s crazy and that he will _definitely_ lose whatever he has with Vilde if he tries something like that.” 

“Mahdi’s right,” Isak told him with a nod in agreement, “why Eva though?” 

“Eva and Jonas are no longer together, and she and Vilde have made out before,” Magnus said and pushed his fringe out of his face. “I don’t see why it would make me lose Vilde, I mean, we’re not exclusive and Eva—”

“Alright,” Even said, clearing his throat and then putting both of his palms on the table in an authoritative way, “Everyone has to stop with this non-exclusive bull shit. Don’t you feel lucky to have Vilde? Don’t you want her to only want you? To only be with you?”

“But what about what Jonas said? We’re only young once,” Magnus replied, not actually answering any of Even’s questions. But, the boys at the table were all pretty sure they knew the answers. Magnus dreamed about Vilde, talked about Vilde all the damn time, practically lit up when she entered a room. It was obvious he was head over heels for her. 

“Yeah, and you’re only going to have one damn shot at this thing with Vilde,” Even seemed a little angry as he spoke now. His eyebrows were pushed together and he was leaning in, hands still on the table. If it were directed at Isak, he would have been intimidated. “If you feel like you could love her, don’t fuck that up because you think that you might get someone else to fuck you eventually. We live now and right now, you are lucky enough to have Vilde and I swear to god, Mags, if that is not enough, I will hit you.” 

“Do you think you could love her, Mags?” Isak asked, grabbing Even by the arm and pulling him back into his chest. He was one to get worked up over matters of the heart, Isak understood. It was possible that he’d been remaining calm for too long and now he was starting to crack, so Isak wanted to be the one to comfort him now. He wrapped his arms right around Even’s waist and kissed his shoulder a couple of times. 

“Well, yeah, I think so,” Magnus was a little wide eyed, probably intimidated by Even, probably worried about his own feelings. “But if I let her know that, I’ll lose her anyway, so what’s the point?” 

Even softened a little at that, his arm finding its way around Isak now and pressing a quick kiss to the top of his head before speaking. “Love is a risk. But you have to take it, man. Who knows how many times in this life anyone has a chance at it. Fucking take charge, man. Get her before she gets someone hotter. Because we all know she can.” 

“He’s got a point,” Mahdi said, and he he and Isak laughed. “Even is like the king of romance, I think you should follow his advice.” 

“He’s definitely seen more romance movies than all of us combined,” Isak said with a smile and lifted up his head, nudging him with his nose a little before kissing the corner of his lips. Even might not have been a romantic because of the movies, but they had definitely helped. “And, personally, I think he knows a thing or two. It’s one of the many reasons I love him.” 

“You should definitely do a big romantic gesture when you ask her to be your girlfriend. She’ll love it,” Even told Magnus and then stood up and pulled Isak up with him. “Anyway, sorry boys but I’ve gotta spend a little time alone with my boyfriend, now.” 

“Wait but, we were supposed to talk—”

“Not today,” Even said with a smile and then started pulling Isak away. 

“Where are we going?” Isak asked, trying to keep up with Even’s long legged strides. He didn’t mind Even being impulsive, wanting to take him away to be alone, and he definitely didn’t mind getting out of talking to the boys about all the stupid details with Jonas. He just wanted to know what he was up to. 

“Well, I couldn’t very well just sit there and make out with you in front of the boys, could I?” Even said, pushing him against the wall once they were out of the cafeteria. “I’m still not over hearing you say that you love me and I have to be able to kiss you. Right now. Without interruptions.” And, Isak agreed, he didn’t want to hear the boys complain while Even kissed him into oblivion. Which was exactly what he started doing. 

 

**~Monday Evening~**

After dinner, Martin and Josefine asked if they could talk to the boys. Isak only assumed that this had to be it, they talked and now things were going to get really real. Josefine had seemed mildly supportive of their happiness on Sunday, which was a really good sign. However, she had mentioned rules and Isak couldn’t imagine suddenly being restricted from Even. It would almost be like cutting off his air supply, or at least half of it. Make it harder to breathe. So, he was nervous. He clutched Even’s hand for dear life under the table as Josefine and Martin sat back down, both sitting across from them to show they were a team. Isak had expected Josefine to just begin digging into them with rules, regulations, restrictions, but it was actually Martin who started the conversation. 

“We have discussed all of this at length,” he began, clasping his hands in front of him at the table and looking over his glasses at Even and Isak. “We both agree that we wouldn’t ever want to keep either of you from being happy and if you make each other happy, well, then that’s really wonderful. Isak, you are absolutely the kind of person I always hoped Even would get together with. You ground him, you know about his disorder, and you’re just kind in general. So, really it’s very good.”

“But that doesn’t mean that there shouldn’t be rules,” Josefine continued for him, if she had let Martin go on, they probably wouldn’t ever get to the bad part. So she had to, “you know that we don’t allow you to have significant others over on the weekdays because school is very important. That’s a distraction that you don’t want to have when you have school work and tests to study for.” 

“It’s not like we’ve stopped each other before,” Even said, leaning forward so his abdomen pressed against the table, "Isak doesn’t let that stuff get in the way. Just another way he’s good for me. He makes me do my work even when I don’t want to.”

“Yes, well,” Martin said, giving Even a bit of a pointed look as if to say _don’t talk back to your mother_ , “We can’t really monitor if that is true when you are in your rooms. We can’t even tell if you’re in separate rooms when you’re in your rooms because of that door. We want you to start doing all your homework out here. Or at least with your doors open.” 

“Fine,” Even shrugged and then sat back again. Isak could tell that he already wasn’t liking the rules. Isak didn’t care too much about that one. But, Even wasn’t exactly someone who wanted to be bossed around like that, especially when he wasn’t doing anything wrong the way things were. 

“Second, because of that door, because of Ana,” Josefine said and cleared her throat a little. She looked at Martin and he gave a little nod. Obviously they were both a little nervous with the next rule, which made Isak more nervous, too. “Because she is so impressionable and we don’t want to set a bad example for her. Living with your boyfriend, sharing a bed with him every night... well, it can’t be like that. We think Isak and Ana should switch rooms.” 

“What? No, that’s ridiculous,” Even shook his head and let go of Isak’s hand, leaning forward again. “Fuck Ana being impressionable. Have the fucking sex talk with her, tell her that she’s too damn young and that I’m nineteen and it’s only fucking natural that I want to sleep with my boyfriend. It’s not like she doesn’t know that Mikael spent the night when we were together. She’s young but she’s not fucking stupid.” 

“Language,” Martin warned. 

“Well, this is different, you two live together, you’re spending every night with your boyfriend. We don’t want her to think that that’s something that’s natural,” Josefine said, raising her eyebrows at him and then looking over to Isak. “Surely you understand.”

“Natural??” Even asked incredulously, raising his voice. “It’s the most natural and basic thing in the world! People have been doing it since the beginning of time. _You guys_ do it. What do you think Ana thinks of that?” 

“That’s different, we’re older, married, have a family,” Martin said, using his calm voice. He looked at Isak as if to ask him to chime in, but when Isak didn't give him any indication that he was going to help out, he looked back at Even. 

“You were only three years older than I am now when you got married,” Even sighed and Isak reached over, taking his hand again to try to give him some sort of comfort. Even probably needed that cigarette now. Isak had hoped that his kisses were distracting enough, but he could tell how irritable Even was getting. First and lunch and again now. He would let him have one if he needed it that bad.

“Those were different times.”

“Time doesn’t change love,” Even took a deep breath and let go of Isak’s hand again, this time to wrap his arm around his shoulders. “We could move out, you know. I’m nineteen, and you’re not Isak’s legal guardians. Then what message will we be sending Ana, huh?” 

Isak almost gasped at the thought. He knew Even thought about moving out a lot, had voiced it to him plenty of times since he turned eighteen. He told Isak he could come with him, but now it was somehow different. He’d be living with his _boyfriend_ alone in some tiny apartment. It would be cozy and intimate and well, now it just seemed ten times better. They would have to get jobs, sure, but it’d be infinitely worth it to be able to do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted _together_.

“Even, please,” Josefine sighed and rubbed her temples, leaning her elbows down on the table as she did. “You know that we want to continue to support you and help you for as long as you can. Now is not the time to move out. Of course we’ll help you if you want to after you’ve graduated and want to go to university. But, Isak still has a year and a half.” 

“But you’re not his guardians.” 

“Well, no, but his father pays us every month,” Martin said. Isak froze. His _Dad_ did what? Why would he do that? 

“What?” Isak couldn’t help but ask, his eyebrows pushing together as he leaned forward, out of Even’s touch. “My Dad pays you?”

“Did he not tell you that he was going to?” Josefine asked, shaking her head and looking back at Isak. She had a worry crease between her eyebrows. “We told him that we didn’t need him to, but he does. We’ve been setting away half of it for you for when you graduate. Like we do for Even.” 

“Do you know where he is?” Isak found himself asking before he could even think about it. He hadn’t yet told Even that he had no idea where his father was, that he told him he was leaving and never coming back. Why would his Dad still be paying for him after all of those awful things he had said to Isak? After Isak had swung at him? 

“Of course. Don’t you?” 

*  
Even didn’t think he had ever seen Isak move so fast. He pushed away from the table as soon as Josefine answered his question, knocking his chair backwards and storming out of the room. Even blinked and he was gone. So much had happened, he felt stunned and stapled to his seat for a moment. Isak didn’t know where his dad was? His dad was paying his parents to take care of him? He certainly didn’t know any of this information. He had just thought Terje was living at the old apartment he bought the first time he left Isak’s mom. Thought that Isak was just willingly keeping himself away from that terrible man.

“I should go talk to him,” Even finally said after a few stunned moments of silence. He looked to his parents and shook his head. “And he’s not switching rooms or we leave. Both of us.” 

He stood up and left the room, going to Isak’s just to find that he wasn’t there. He sighed and closed the door behind himself, anyway, walking over to where Isak kept his weed stash when he had some—in his bottom right hand drawer of his desk—and rolling up a joint for him before heading into his own room. He knew that Isak would have an easier time talking about Terje if he had some weed in his system. And, obviously, he had some things he needed to talk about. 

Isak was underneath Even’s covers, curled up in a ball. Even was worried he might be crying, but he didn’t hear any sounds, which made him even more nervous. Even grabbed his quilt, stuffed it under the door and then walked over and gently pulled back the comforter, revealing Isak in a fetal position with his eyes closed. 

“I brought you a gift,” Even told him, holding out the joint, “You wanna smoke and tell me about why you didn’t know where your dad was?” 

“You shouldn’t smoke,” Isak said slowly, opening his eyes and sitting up. He took the joint from him and sighed, “Especially with all the stress going around right now.” 

“That’s fine,” Even shrugged and walked over to his desk, grabbing a lighter and flicking it on. “Come on, obviously there’s some stuff going on. Usually you just brush off stuff about your dad. This time, you ran away from it. Something’s on your mind, babe.” 

“My Dad told me he was leaving town, never coming back,” Isak said with a sigh, getting up and taking the lighter from Even before perching himself up on the windowsill with the joint. With the setting sun behind him, Even couldn't help but save the image in his mind, to draw or paint, or do something beautiful with. Even sat on the desk and watched him for a moment as he lit up the joint. “He wouldn’t tell me where he was going because…” 

“Because…?” Even found himself needing to push the subject. Isak didn’t open up about his Dad very often and though Even knew the kind of person he was—the kind who abandons their family for weeks, months at a time, making his teenage son take care of himself and his mother—he was always curious about Isak’s actual thoughts on him. He hadn’t always seemed like a bad person and Even remembered that they were actually kind of close when Isak was young. The feelings had to be confusing. 

“Because,” Isak took a few more hits from the joint and coughed a little as he ashed it, “I went to talk to him because I thought that maybe I could set things right. It was maybe a little while after your diagnosis, six months maybe, and you were coming down from an episode and I thought.. Well, I thought that taking care of someone who was mentally ill could be hard, but it was different if you loved them. So, if he loved my mom, he could do it, we could do it together.”

Even watched him with furrowed eyebrows, not thinking that he had had that recent contact with his Dad. He thought that the last time they talked was before he officially moved in with them. Even had thought about how Terje left Marianne on her official diagnosis, knew that he was no good but Isak...Isak had always been there after Even's diagnosis, for every episode, taking care of him as if it were no burden at all. Of course it was because he loved him. The thought made Even want to cry, want to pull him in and thank him for loving him, for not wanting to throw him away because of his diagnosis like his father did to his mother. But instead Even just remained calm, there for Isak this time.

“He didn’t want to, though and when I said I loved you despite that fact that you were bipolar,” Isak rested his head back and let out a sigh, taking another hit of his joint and blowing the smoke up into the air before going on. “...when I told him that? He lost it. He called me every insult imaginable. Starting with foolish, childish, idiotic, ending with other stuff, like gay slurs. By the time he was done, I was so angry, I swung at him. I missed, but it didn’t matter. I did it. He, uh…”

Isak got choked up a little bit, swallowing hard a few times and just keeping his eyes away from Even. Even moved closer to him, pushing some books off the desk and taking the joint. He snubbed it out and took Isak’s hands in his own, wanting him to know that he was there. Even was growing more angry by the second, but he wouldn’t show anything but support. Isak needed to get it off his chest, he’d been holding it in for a while. 

“He pushed me up against the wall and told me that that was the last shot I was ever going to have at him,” Isak finally said, sniffled a little and closed his eyes. He tilted his head down and kept them closed, but Even wished he would look at him. “He said he was leaving and that someday, I would too. I followed him and asked him where he was going...I don’t know why. But, he wouldn’t tell me. He just got in his car and drove away.”

“Isak…”

“I, uh, actually went to a bar and met Eskild,” Isak sniffled and laughed a little bit. “It was a gay bar and I got drunk and he saved me from a bunch of guys hitting on me. I told him I didn’t know it was a gay bar and a version of that story. Then he took me back to his place and I stayed there for the night.” 

“You stayed with Eskild? Did he try to hit on you or something?” 

“Nei, nei,” Isak shook his head and opened his eyes, finally meeting Even’s. They were glossy and Even could tell he was trying not to cry, that the last part of the story was the anecdote, the part that was supposed to make everything okay, make him laugh instead of cry. “We only slept.” 

“You told your dad you loved me?” 

“Yeah, well, I meant as a friend, kind of, but then it just kind of slipped and then everything got intense,” Isak sniffled a little and let go of Even’s hand, reaching out and caressing his cheek gently. Probably to distract himself. 

“Did your dad hurt you?” Even had to ask, looking him in the eyes. Obviously it had gotten physical, Isak had said he pushed him against the wall. Even would track him down and kill him if he hurt Isak. He already wanted to, despite his calm exterior. He felt like he was burning inside with it, though. He didn't think he could hate Terje more, but here he was.

“Physically? Nei.”  
*

**~Tuesday Morning~**

Isak had cried himself to sleep in Even’s arms. He had been fine for a while at keeping back the tears, but then suddenly they came pouring out of him like a waterfall. He couldn’t stop it. It was a lot to go back to. He feared that he’d become as heartless as his dad and he never wanted to abandon Even, never wanted to become that person. He remembered all those things his dad had called him, and how bad they hurt at the time. He remembered chasing after him and the feeling of his broken heart the minute his Dad’s car started and he drove away. It all came back fresh and the only thing he could do was cry and cry until his body was tired. 

He didn’t sleep much, though. 

He tossed and turned, waking up every so often and staring at Even. A couple times, Even woke up, too and ran his hands through Isak’s hair, humming gently to try to get him back to sleep. Eventually, Isak decided to leave the room. He didn’t want to keep waking up Even when he had school in the morning, and he knew Even would protest and say that it was fine, that he was fine with all of it, but Isak wasn’t. He wasn’t going to do that to him. Sleep was important for Even and his emotions. 

When his alarm was going off the next morning, he didn’t snooze it, just dismissed it and rolled back over, only to find Even there, watching over him from the other side of the bed. 

“You left,” Even said quietly, reaching over and carding his fingers through Isak’s hair. He was already fully dressed, so obviously he had only come in sometime during Isak’s last fifteen minute interval of sleep. Sometime after Even himself had gotten ready for school. He wasn’t sure how he hadn’t heard him come in or feel the bed dip beside him. It wasn’t like he was sleeping deeply. 

“I didn’t want to keep waking you,” Isak told him, trying to give him a little smile, but it didn’t really work. 

“You know I don’t mind,” Even sighed, continuing to run his hands soothingly through Isak’s hair. “How much sleep do you think you got?”

“Maybe two hours,” Isak closed his eyes and moved closer to him, breathing in his scent. He had showered and he smelled like lavender. Calming. “I think I’m going to stay home today.” 

“Want me to stay with you?” Even asked, running his hand down his back now and rubbing gentle circles into his skin. Isak would love to say yes and have Even do that all day, then he’d definitely at least get a little relaxation in. But, he knew he couldn’t ask that of him. 

“You’ve missed too much already,” Isak sighed against his shirt and breathed him in again, “I’ll be fine.” 

“Are you sure?” Even asked and Isak could hear the concern, the worry, the part of Even that absolutely wanted to stay and keep him relaxed all day long. But, Even knew too that he couldn’t afford to miss any school that wasn’t actually sickness related. He didn’t want to have to repeat again, and Isak knew that. He wouldn’t hold it against him, but he would definitely hold it against himself if he was the reason Even missed too much and had to repeat because of it. 

“M’sure,” Isak said quietly and lifted a hand up to run down Even’s torso. “Your cigarettes are in my underwear drawer. Go get them. Right now. Please.” 

“Okay?” Even got up slowly and Isak watched as he walked over, opening up the drawer and taking them out. He watched as Even got confused by the weight of the pack, opening it up and looking inside curiously. He dug out the little rolled up paper and then shook the rock out onto his hand, looking over it and then looking at Isak. He looked a little confused, filled with wonder.

“I’ve got a blue one that reminds me of you,” Isak told him from where he was laying, finally being able to muster up that smile. “Take it with you today so you have a piece of me.”

Even examined the rock some more and looked at the paper before rolling it back up and sticking it behind his ear. He smiled at Isak and then put the rock in his pocket before going back over to the bed and wrapping his arms back around him. Isak curled up into his chest and let him resume rubbing his hand in circles over his back. 

“Jeg elsker deg,” Even said in his ear, quietly and soothingly. 

“Jeg elsker deg,” Isak said back. Even laid there like that with him for a while, Isak falling back asleep and missing out on his departure. When he woke up, he missed him, so he reached into the drawer in his bedside table and pulled out the blue rock, kissing it and slipping it underneath his pillow. 

 

**~Tuesday Afternoon~**  
*  
Even spent lunch telling Jonas not to say shit about Isak when he wasn’t around to defend himself to the boys, and he could only assume that that was exactly what he was going to be doing after school when their friends met up at their table. Isak was having a rough couple of days, and since he wasn’t around to defend himself, Even would do what he could to make sure people weren’t being shitty behind his back. 

He walked over to the table with his hands in his pockets, sitting at the edge of one of the benches and looking around as everyone talked. There was no one conversation going on at the time. Vilde, Magnus and Mahdi were talking about how Jonas wouldn’t be attending their little meeting—Vilde being upset over it for some reason. Sana, Noora, and Eva were talking about one of their assignments. And Chris was just sitting back, eating some yogurt and paying no mind to anyone. Even looked to her and smiled, remembering the last conversation he had had with her about sucking dick.

“Did you quench your thirst on Saturday?” He asked her and smirked a little, noticing some of the table turning to him as he spoke. He knew that he was pretty good at making people turn their heads, catch their attention, but he actually wasn’t sure why. Didn’t mean he didn’t like it, though.

“Huh?” Chris asked and then her eyes widened as she remembered, choking a little on her yogurt and laughing. “Oh my God, I forgot about our conversation! Yeah, damn, I quenched my thirst. Fuuuuck, and he came, like a lot. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone come so much in my life.” 

Even couldn’t help but to bark out a laugh, the whole table suddenly honing in on his and Chris’ conversation. He covered his face and laughed some more before pressing a hand to the table and leaning forward with a smirk, “then I guess you did something right.” He laughed some more and Chris was laughing with him now, the rest of the table silent with wonder about what they were talking about. 

“Who came a lot?” Vilde was the one who asked, looking over at Chris with her eyebrows raised. “Did you hook up with someone at the party?” 

“Jaaa, but you’ve all been too busy talking about _Eva_ and _Jonas_ and _Isak_ so I didn’t say anything,” Chris rolled her eyes and then smiled back at Even, almost in a silent thanks for actually caring about her and her sexual endeavors. “I almost didn’t, either, but Even totally convinced me. See, boys think they’re in control when we go down on them, but really _we’re_ in control. Fuck, that’s probably why he came so much. I was in damn control of that _joystick_.”

Even laughed again when she used the term he had that night. He had actually forgot that he said that, almost forgot that he was bragging about Isak’s _joystick_ too. But, when he looked over at Noora, sitting there with that look in her eyes that said they were about to go too far in the conversation, he remembered. 

“Okaaaay,” Vilde said and moved to her position at the head of the table. “So, anyway, no Isak today?” 

“He didn’t come to school,” Even shrugged and ran a hand through his hair. “But I’m here for both of us.”

“It’s probably best he’s not here, anyway,” Vilde said, looking around for people to agree. Eva was the only one nodding her head though, which made Even feel a little bit better. Vilde might be in Eva’s hate-Isak parade, but it seemed the rest of the group really didn’t care. “We need to discuss what’s going on. Isak has been scheming to break up Eva and Jonas. He invited Ingrid to the party and told her to hit on Jonas in front of Eva. Obviously, that is a problem. We don’t need someone causing fights in our group.”

“You really think that’s what Isak was doing?” Sana asked, looking at Vilde incredulously, her eyebrows knitting together.

“Well yeah—”

“Isak is a snake,” Eva said matter-of-factly, leaning forward and looking around the table at everyone except Even. “He’s been jealous of me and Jonas since day one and now this is what he’s doing. He’s got Even and he’s still trying to make sure we’re not together. Well, mission damn accomplished.” 

“Maybe Jonas is the snake,” Even said harshly, standing up and walking over to where Vilde stood at the head of the table. He wasn’t going to sit back and listen to anyone slander Isak. “And maybe you’re too damn passive, Eva. Jonas has always liked you, but guess what? He liked Isak, too. He wanted to see how things went with Ingrid because he’s young and he doesn’t want to be tied down. That’s who Jonas is. You didn’t have the damn guts to try to figure that out for yourself and that’s on you, Eva.”

“Isak is the one who told Ingrid to hit on him in the first place,” Eva retorted quickly, defensively pushing her hands to the table and standing up. “This isn’t on me, this isn’t on Jonas. You can’t just go around defending Isak all the time because you’re in love with him or whatever. He has faults too, Even! He’s nowhere near perfect and he’s a scheming, lying snake. He wanted this to happen, maybe because he’s the one who doesn’t want to be tied down. Maybe you’re the one being passive and naive about your relationship.”

“Isak and Even are exclusive,” Magnus pointed out as Even reached into his pocket and grabbed the sparkly, green rock Isak had given him. He had held it so many times today, memorized it’s every curve and texture. He pressed it down to the table and everyone stopped and looked at it then up at him. 

“Isak is not a snake,” Even said more calmly now, “Isak is the kind of person who gives me a damn rock because he knows it’ll remind me of him. The kind of person who found a rock that reminds him of me so that when we’re apart, we can still be together. Isak didn’t do this to try to get to Jonas. Isak did this to try to show you that you could do better, Eva. I’m not saying that the way he went about it was okay, because I told him a million times that it was going to crash and burn. But he fucking did it because he didn’t want to see you hold on to Jonas and get hurt in the long run. He wanted everything to settle back to a calm friendship where Jonas didn’t hit on him and everything at least seemed normal. He wanted to everything back to _normal_.” 

Everyone went silent listening to him and Even picked up the rock again, examining it then putting it back in his pocket. He knew he wasn’t being naive with Isak. Isak wasn’t trying to play him or get to Jonas. He knew Isak better than that. But, it was obvious that their friends would rather think less of him, and the thought infuriated him. It made him want to run away with Isak, be just the two of them forevermore. They would live together and be where they were appreciated every single day, in each other’s arms. He looked around at the group and shook his head. 

“Noora was in on the plan, too,” Even said quietly. He didn’t want to have to out Noora like that, but he had to, obviously she wasn’t going to do it herself and he was sick of all the lies because people were too afraid to come clean. He’d been too afraid to come clean to Isak about his feelings for years and he regretted it. So, now he was done. Everything needed to be laid out in the air. “So if Isak is a scheming snake, Noora is too.” 

He knocked on the table, looking over at Noora. She was looking down, obviously not going to say anything. So Even sighed and started to turn around, “If you guys don’t want to hear Isak out, then stay the fuck away from him. Or you’ll be dealing with me.”  
*

When Even came home, Isak was playing FIFA with Ana. Isak wasn’t doing too great, still not having much sleep under his belt, and he was getting a little frustrated with it. He was kind of a sore loser, and Even pointed that out to him a million times but Isak would never admit it out loud. He had too much dignity. He’d rather just shut off the game _accidentally_ or make excuses as to why he wasn’t doing so hot. Even coming home was the perfect excuse to stop playing. 

“Even!” He said cheerfully, pausing the game and then giving Ana a fake-sorry look. “Sorry, time to catch up with my boyfriend, I’ve missed him.”

“You two are gross,” Ana groaned as Isak got up and walked over to Even, greeting him with a kiss and then beginning to pull him away, into Even’s room. He spent most of the day tossing and turning in bed, wondering why his Dad was sending money to Even’s parents, wondering if there was some sort of ulterior motive. Wondering if he should ask Even’s parents where Terje was staying so he could go see him and tell him a thing or two. Wondering if he would ever stop worrying about becoming his father. But, now, Even was home and Even was good at distracting him from thoughts like that. 

“Did you get any more sleep?” Even asked as he shut the door behind him. Isak went straight over to the bed and laid down, opening up his arms for Even. 

“A little,” he told him honestly, watching as Even came over and settled down in his arms in bed, both of them laying on their sides and looking at each other. Isak would probably fall asleep again now that Even was there, but for now he’d rather just hear about his day. “How was your day?”

“I missed you,” Even said with a little laugh and a kiss to Isak’s neck. He curled up in Isak’s arms this time, which was always a nice little alternative for Isak. He was so used to Even being a giant, someone who held instead of being held, but somehow he fit just perfectly curled up into Isak. Like he shrank just for this specific occasion. 

“I missed you too,” Isak said, pressing a few kisses to the top of Evenn’s head as their legs tangled up together. “How is everyone? Still mad at me?” 

“They’re probably mad at _me_ now,” Even laughed bitterly against the skin at Isak’s neck. Isak ran a hand down his back slowly, only being able to imagine the type of bodyguard shit that went on without him today. “I sort of yelled at them. They need to get their heads out of their asses. Sometimes I forget how young you guys are. We hang out, there doesn’t usually seem to be a barrier, we have a good time. But, sometimes I feel like I’ve gotta smack the maturity into every one of you. Well, besides Sana. Sana’s pretty wise.” 

“Even me?” Isak asked, closing his eyes as he rested his chin on Even’s head now, not even being able to care about Even yelling at their friends because he was just so damn comfortable there with him. 

“Even you,” Even laughed lightly, shaking his head, his chin rubbing against Isak’s collarbones. “But, I think you’re more mature than a lot of them. You had to grow up fast because of your parents and even because of me. But, I think that once you moved in here with us, you kind of slipped a little. Which isn’t a bad thing. I mean, I can be immature, too. Especially with my parents. Especially when I lose my temper.” 

“I guess it’s a good thing we’re still young and still have time to learn about the world,” Isak said quietly. It made him think a little about what Martin had said on Sunday. Something about the idea of this relationship ruining their friendship. “Even—”

“Isak,” Even said at the same time as him, obviously something else on his mind. “Sorry, you can go first.” 

“Do you think we’re being immature,” Isak began slowly, not wanting to freak Even out or make him think he was second guessing the relationship. He wanted to be with Even, even if it was just for now. “Like, saying that we belong together? Thinking that we could be soulmates?”

“We could be, or we could be right,” Even shrugged and pulled back to look Isak in the eyes now. He looked sure and steady, like he wasn’t going to miss a beat. “The only way to know is to try. And, I know my Dad said it’s easier said than done, but even if for some strange, fucked way of the universe, we don’t work out, I know we’ll still be best friends. I think maybe it could hurt. But we have a connection, one I can’t quite explain. But one that draws us together, nonetheless. It wouldn’t go away, even if we wanted it to.” 

“Good answer,” Isak told him, moving in to press his forehead against Even’s. “Was there something you wanted to say?”

“I wanted to ask what you told Jonas about your first kiss.”

 

**~Wednesday Morning~**

Even walked with Sana and Isak to their class that morning so Sana could fill the two of them in on the rest of their little meeting. Apparently Even’s little speech and revelation about Noora got everyone up in arms. Vilde tried to keep peace and Sana sat back and watched Eva get angrier and angrier.

“There’s obviously a lot going on in our group,” Sana told the boys, Even following the two of them into the classroom. “I think there’s a lot of changing going on. I mean, there’s the addition of Jonas, and now Vilde and Magnus are a thing, and of course you two. Chris has been acting kind of distant, no one ever knows what the hell is going on in Mahdi’s head. There’s just a lot of shifting dynamics. I think everyone needs a break from each other. We need to remember who we all are and then reconvene.”

“This is what I meant about Sana being wise,” Even told Isak, pulling him over to the counter by the window and sitting back on it. “I totally agree. We’ll do our own things this weekend. No squad-mind nonsense.” 

“Maybe you two can come over and hang with Elias and the boys,” Sana suggested from where she sat, opening her laptop and focusing on that instead of Isak slipping between Even’s legs as he wrapped his arms around his neck. “I’m sure they’d be happy to see you. Yousef has been asking about you.” 

“Oh?” Even raised a brow and peered around Isak, over his shoulder to look at Sana. “Will Mikael be around, too?” 

“Maybe,” Sana shrugged and looked over for a moment before peering back at her screen. “He’s got a girlfriend now, though. So, if you’re worried about making him feel uncomfortable, don’t. If he feels uncomfortable then he’s got problems of his own.”

“Yeah, okay,” Even nodded a little. He missed Elias and Yousef more than he’d admit, and even Adam and Mutta, which he’d thought would never be possible because there had been a point where he was getting too much of them. But, he was mostly nervous about Isak and Mikael. He wasn’t sure, really, how Isak felt about him, but he supposed he was going to figure it out eventually. He looked back at Isak, putting his hands on his waist and smiling, “We’ll think about it, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Isak nodded a little and smiled, leaning in and pressing a kiss to his lips. They made out until class began, Even leaving the room just to be late to his own class.

 

**~Wednesday Lunch~**

“Are you sure it’s a good idea to eat lunch with the boys today?” Isak asked apprehensively. It sounded like things were falling apart with their squad and once again, it felt like Isak’s fault despite what Sana said. Magnus and Mahdi were fine in the classes that he had with them, but there was still their wild card. Jonas would be at lunch, wouldn’t he? They could always have lunch at their windowsill, Isak would be safe there with Even.

“It’ll be fine, Isak,” Even reassured him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders as they walked into the cafeteria together. The boys were all sitting at their usual table, Mahdi and Magnus on one side, Jonas on the other. “We don’t really know what is going on with Jonas but he can’t just kick you out of your friends group. Magnus and Mahdi love you and you need time with your friends. Especially when times are hard. You're beating yourself up about your Dad and about all the in-group fighting and you need your buds.”

Today Even opted to sit next to Jonas and Isak sat on the other side of him. It was different, but Isak thought it was probably a better option. Isak wasn't feeling too comfortable with Jonas nowadays so as long as Even remained cool and didn't start beating him up, it would be fine this way.

“Evaaaak, what’s up?” Magnus asked as they sat down, reaching across the table to slap both of their hands in a greeting. 

“The usual,” Even said as he moved closer to Isak, wrapping his arm tight around him and smiling. “Being all in love and better than you and Vilde.” 

“Not for long, not for long,” Magnus shook his head and then rubbed his hands together in front of him. “I’m planning an epic date this weekend. It’s going to blow her mind and she’s going to have to say yes when I ask her to be my girlfriend.” 

“So you’re taking the leap?” Isak asked with a smile, glad that Magnus was listening to Even’s advice. At least there was something rubbing off on the group that seemed to be working. As usual, it was Even, Even, Even. The best thing in his world.

“He started planning yesterday,” Mahdi told the boys with a laugh, shaking his head and then looking at Even. “You left everyone in _pieces_ yesterday after that roast. So, Sana told everyone that we wouldn’t be partying together this weekend, and then Mags got the idea. Made _me_ try to help plan it. But I don’t know shit about romance so we googled a bunch of shit. But I think it's going to be totally awesome.”

“So then what are you doing this weekend?” Even asked Mahdi, his hand rubbing up and down Isak's arm. 

“That girl I’m doing a project with invited me to a party she’s having, Jonas and I are going to check it out,” Mahdi looked over at Jonas, who gave him a silent nod, then back to the boys, “You’re probably welcome to come."

“We’ve got other plans, thank you though,” Isak smiled at Mahdi and then peered over at Jonas, who hadn’t said a word since their arrival. They didn’t have anything concrete, they didn’t even know what day the party was, but Isak wasn’t in the mood to party. Maybe that’d change come the weekend, but he doubted it. He'd rather just play it safe, be with Even and do some small things, like go over to Sana's with him.

“Alright,” Jonas was the one to talk now, clearing his throat and sitting up in his chair a little. “I think us boys should hang out again soon, just us. No girl drama. Get high, play FIFA like we did that one time. I realize there’s a lot in the air right now but what better way to discuss it than over a joint or two, huh? No bullshit, just real talk and videogames.” There had been a lot of tension in the air, but that cut it. It didn’t mean that things were suddenly going to be okay. Jonas might actually hate what Isak had to say, they could get into a massive fight, but the idea of maybe settling things once and for all had Isak feeling a little bit better about everything. The fact that Jonas actually might want to make real amends made him feel a whole lot better. 

"Sounds good to me,” Isak said, looking at Even, hoping that he would be okay with it, too. He smiled back and Isak pressed a quick kiss to his jaw, he'd ask him later and make sure it really was okay. “Maybe Sunday?”

 

**~Wednesday Evening~**

Even and Isak walked to the park together. The air was getting more brisk every day, soon enough there would be snow on the ground as the seasons shifted. They sipped cocoa and sat on a bench, looking out to where the day was slowly becoming night. The way the setting sun captured Isak’s features would always play out in Even’s mind as something he needed to draw. A comic, maybe, of where the shadows grew and faded, the darkening of his lips and eyes with the darkening sky. The way his hair seemed to grow into a more brown hue in the dark. He watched and they sat in a comfortable silence, kissing every now and again or saying something useless about the world around them until Isak grew uneasy with a question Even could tell was brewing in the back of his mind. He’d been waiting for him to come out with it. 

“Do you think I should ask your parents where my Dad is?” He asked slowly, looking up into Even’s eyes with a bit of worry. “Go see him?”

“Why would you want to do that?” Even asked, moving closer and lifting one of Isak’s legs up over his own. He already had his arm around him, but he still felt they could be closer. Ever closer. Even would calm him to the best of his abilities, and Isak would make Even not lose his mind about Isak’s asshole father. As long as they were close, holding each other. They could always help each other, Even firmly believed that. 

“He’s paying your parents to keep supporting me?” Isak asked, sounding unsure as he moved both his legs to rest up over Even’s, his hands moving to slide around his neck as he ducked in under his chin. Even moved his own hands to wrap around his waist, looking out over into the distance as Isak went on. “There’s got to be a reason. Ulterior motives, or something. Why would he still be paying for me if he wanted nothing to do with me?” 

“Isak…” Even sighed a little and rubbed his back a little. Even was glad that he was talking about his dad, opening up a little bit about him, but he worried, too. “This isn’t you still wanting to find something good in him, is it? I realize you worry, you want to see something good in him that way you don’t become the bad things he is. But, you’re nothing like him Isak, I need you to realize that, to believe it. Even if he doesn’t have an ounce of good in him, that doesn’t mean anything for you. You’re so pure, you buy rocks and roll papers up like cigarettes to write me notes. You help me when I’m depressed, literally lay there and watch me when you could do anything else in the world because you want to help me. Even when you can’t help me, you want to help me. That’s nothing like your dad, Isak. Nothing.” 

“I love you, Even,” Isak sighed, pulling back and kissing his jaw, his cheek, the corner of his lips. Even turned and kissed him back, square on the lips for a lingering moment.

“I love you, too,” Even said, looking into his eyes and running a hand through his curls. He kissed him on the lips once more then pressed his forehead to Even’s with a small sniffle. They kissed some more, holding each other close and forgetting the weight of the world for a few moments. Letting their bodies buzz together in one specific energy as they merged like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of tension in the squad so the next chapter is going to basically be a Evak-fest and some stuff with the balloon squad + Sana because I figure it's time for you to see Even's relationship with them after he has dated Mikael. Okieeeee
> 
> Comment/Kudos, pls & thx


	10. I Look Up and See the Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow is Even's birthday so I thought I'd update for him. I bet Isak's got a lot of cute shit planned and I can't believe we can't see it... HAH I'M NOT CRYING, AM I. oh wait, I am. 
> 
> ANYHOW, this chapter is filled with a lot of ooey gooey stuff, mush and fluff and most importantly.......a very detailed sex scene so please children, shield those eyessss. (It happens on Saturday afternoon if you need a warning). Or don't but I'm not responsible for scars.

**~Thursday Lunch~**

“Skittle me,” Isak told Even, sitting across from him at their windowsill during lunch. He opened up his mouth and Even skillfully tossed it in. They were a lot better at this now, the only Skittles that got on the floor were the ones they threw at each other with the purpose of hitting the other. When they decided to be funny or thought the other one was being ridiculous, which actually seemed to happen a lot. Looking down, Isak counted at least eleven Skittles on the floor, and that didn’t even count the ones that were definitely stuck on the bottoms of passerby’s shoes. 

It was funny to think about the fact that they were alone like this a lot before they were even together and now it was different and the same in a billion ways. Alone together and suppressing all the feelings that were now flowing freely. It made Isak so damn happy as he sat across the windowsill and watched Even sketch into his notebook while they ate. Before, he wouldn’t let himself stare for too long, but now he couldn’t be bothered to look away. He had no reason to. He could admire the beautiful blonde haired, blue eyed god for as long as he wanted with absolutely no repercussions. Except maybe Even making fun of him for it. 

“So, Sana said Elias will probably be having a get together at her house on tomorrow because their parents are going to be out most of the night,” Isak said, licking his lips and looking over at Even. They hadn’t talked about the possibility of the two of them hanging out with Even’s friends yet, but Sana brought it up again in Biology. “Sana said that Chris was going to come too, because she likes to watch the boys play basketball. Did you still want to hang out with them?”

Isak knew that Even used to love hanging out with the boys, but lately he wondered if it had all been just to get to Mikael. They hadn’t really hung out much since the breakup, even though Even said that they were going to. He’d seen Even reject Yousef’s calls a number of times, but he didn’t know why. If Even didn’t want to go, Isak wouldn’t have a problem with it. It would be weird enough hanging out with Even’s ex if Even _wanted_ to be there—but at least he knew he could handle it for Even’s sake, Even was always making sure Isak had time with his friends and it was time Isak returned the favor. 

“I mean, yeah, I actually miss their annoying asses, can you believe that?” Even asked and laughed a little, shaking his head and then sliding across the windowsill to get to Isak. He took his chin and looked down at him, “I just wouldn’t want to put you in an awkward position, so if you don’t want to go, I understand. Just say the words.”

“Nei, I’ll be fine,” Isak shook his head as much as he could beneath Even’s embrace, which he had succumbed to immediately. Letting Even handle him like that, making him look right into his eyes was one of those things that they’d always done, but now it felt so much more charged, so much more intimate and affectionate that Isak drooped at the touch. He’d let him handle him with a gentle grip that forced his head in any direction Even wanted and his heart would race all the while. 

“You’re sure? Because Mikael will probably most definitely be there and I just really don’t want you to feel inadequate? Or something along those lines?”

“Even,” Isak moved to press his hands to either side of Even’s head now. He would make sure that he himself had some control over Even’s gaze every now and then, too. He would make sure Even knew he was serious, and the only way he really knew how was to look in his eyes and just be honest. “Do you remember the night you decided to break up with him? We went on that walk and you told me all of these reasons why you had to be able to stay friends with him. You told me with so much detail as to why you two didn’t work, didn’t connect and I still believe all of it, so I’m not worried. I still believe everything I told you about why it’d be cool that you guys stayed friends, too and the rest of the boys are part of that. They’re a package deal, and you know that, and maybe that’s why you’ve stayed away. But, I remember that night and I’ve never quite understood how you could have spoke so passionately about staying friends and then all of a sudden started dodging them.”

Even let go of his chin and then stood up, shoving his things into his bag and then reaching for Isak’s hand to pull him up off the windowsill. Apparently this conversation was going to be another walking one. They intertwined their fingers and began walking down the hall, towards the exit. 

“Mikael and I still had a little sexual tension after the break up, and I mean, everyone around us could feel it, and it was awkward,” Even said slowly, in a voice that told Isak he was worried about telling him this information. “It eventually faded out for me, but Mikael still felt awkward and told me as much, and then when I got with Sonja, he was a little bit jealous. He’d act weird and I didn’t really know what to do. And, you’re right, they’re a package deal so I started dodging them all. I’ve been thinking about them more lately, though, and I wonder if now is the right time. Maybe now things will be better. Mikael and I are long enough over and apparently he’s got a girlfriend so maybe it really can go back to all the ways I wanted them to be. Everything I told you that night is still true. Though I may have left out a minor detail or two.”

“Minor details,” Isak asked, looking up at him and raising his eyebrows. “Like what?” 

“Like the connection that I didn’t have with Mikael was the one I felt I had with you,” Even said, walking out of the school and pressing Isak to the brick wall outside, looking down at him with his serious eyes. “Of course, I couldn’t tell you that. I had already made a fool of myself by offering you a blow job you didn’t want.” 

“A blow job?” Isak furrowed his eyebrows, looking up and trying to remember back to Even offering such a thing. Sounded like something he would have agreed to right away. 

“Uh, ja?” Even raised his eyebrows and pushed Isak’s shoulder playfully, smiling all amused, “you don’t remember? I walked into your room and you were violating yourself so I said I’d take care of it for you and you kicked me right out. God, you looked mortified, I felt mortified.” 

“Oh,” _that_ was why he didn’t remember, because he would have never thought that Even was actually being serious, he felt like Even was just making fun of him and the situation. “You were joking though, there’s no way I would have turned it down if you were _serious._ Besides, the minute you walked through that door, I wasn’t able to go anymore. I _was_ mortified.” 

“I wasn’t joking, I totally would have blown you right then and there!” Even almost screamed with a laugh in his voice. Isak felt himself grow a little red, wondering who had heard that, eyes darting from left to right. “And was I such a turn off that you were too mortified to finish? I’m so offended.” 

“Nei, nei,” Isak groaned because he couldn’t believe he was about to admit this to Even. God, he was going to think he was some creep, but he was going to say it anyway, on some level, he wanted him to know. “It was because...well, Mikael had just left and the wall between our rooms are pretty thin and… and fuck, I could hear you two fucking and it turned me on so damn much, I couldn’t help myself. Then you fucking caught me getting _off_ to it and sure you didn’t know but _fuck_ it was embarrassing.” 

“What? No, you’re joking,” Even somehow looked completely amused and completely off put at the same time. Maybe he was embarrassed that Isak could hear him fucking. Maybe he was upset and feeling violated about Isak getting off to it, but somehow he was still laughing. 

“I’m seriously not,” Isak shook his head and gave him a solemn look, “Seriously, I can’t switch rooms with Ana because either she’s going to hear us having sex or your parents are.” He said this mostly to get him off the subject, but it had also been something Isak thought about. Ana’s room shared a wall with his parents and obviously their rooms shared a wall. They would never be able to have sex without someone knowing and the thought totally mortified him. Especially because he had dreamt of having sex with Even so many damn times. He was going to want to for real at some point. 

“That won’t be happening. Not on my watch.”

 

 **~Thursday Afternoon~**  
*  
“You seriously could hear us having sex? Like, every time?” Even asked as he and Isak laid there on his bed. They were just talking, Isak resting his head on Even’s stomach while Even ran his fingers through those curls. Even was realizing that there were things, like Isak hearing him having sex, or getting himself off to thoughts of Even that he hadn’t even begun to think about. 

He was kind of ashamed of himself for not thinking about Isak in the room over when he was in bed with Mikael. It had been one thing for Even to tell him about all his sexual endeavors, but did he really have to hear them too? And all the while he had a thing for Even! How much pain had he caused the boy over the years. 

But there was something else about it, too. Isak had gotten turned on by the noises. He got himself off to the thought. Even found himself too curious to keep his mouth shut. He knew he was going to have to bring up the subject again as soon as Isak changed it at lunch. There were just too many places for his own mind to wander, and they certainly started to. Like, what about it turned him on? Was it Even? Mikael? Both of them? 

“Every time,” Isak confirmed, turning his head to look up at Even. Even couldn't help but think it was probably an unflattering angle, looking up his torso while Even looked down at him—double chin city—but Isak didn't seem to care or notice. “But before you ask, no, I did not get myself off every time. That happened more often after you told me your little stories about it.” 

“So, it didn’t hurt?” Even licked his lips, not wanting to sound full of himself for his questions, but Isak did say that he liked Even all that time. Even couldn’t imagine hearing Isak having sex with someone else, hearing Isak talk about sex with someone else. That was definitely a selfish thought at that point, but it wasn’t like it was going to happen, anyway. If Even was going to hear Isak having sex, it was going to be with him. 

“Hurt?” Isak looked confused for a moment, but when he met Even’s eyes, the realization washed over them. “Oh, well, I guess yeah, a little. I didn’t mind it, though. I liked that you liked telling me those things. I kind of felt like I was more involved...sexually than I actually was.”

“So, what was it about all of it? About the sex, about the stories? You know, that got you going? Was it just so pornographic?”

“Are you starting to make fun of me? Because I can elaborate, but I’m not going to if you’re going to make fun of me,” Isak turned his head back to look up at the ceiling. Even could see his adam’s apple when he swallowed hard, imagining Even making fun of him, no doubt. He always thought Even was making fun of him, being mean, and maybe Even teased him a little, but it was never to embarrass the boy, it was just for fun. They picked on each other, he thought it was what they did. 

“I’m not making fun of you, Isak,” Even sighed a little, his fingers pausing in his hair momentarily. “If ever my teasing makes you uncomfortable in some way, I’m sorry. But right now, you don’t have to be uncomfortable. It’s just us. Just you and me.” 

“I know, I know,” Isak turned his head again to meet Even’s eyes. “I just guess I’m still getting used to being able to tell you these things. I kept them from you for so long because I didn’t want to freak you out but now you’re _asking_ about them. And I guess I still kind of worry that you’re going to find me pervy.” 

“ _Pervy?_ Isak, if anything, I’m the one who’s been pervy all these years, telling a younger, inexperienced boy who I wanted to hook up with so bad about my hookups? I was inviting you into my sex life. And I would be lying if I didn’t tell you that part of me wanted to awaken you...you know, sexually, with the stories, not necessarily for me, but not _not_ for me,” Even shrugged a little, realizing the truth of his words while he said them. Thank the stars that Isak actually had feelings for him in the end or he really could have been seen as a perv. 

“Oh, well, you did,” Isak laughed a little and sat up, moving himself to straddle Even’s lap now. Even watched, his hands moving to Isak’s hips as he looked up into his eyes. Isak had a lot going on underneath his gaze, maybe even still thinking about what he should say, what he should censor. 

“You know, technically, this whole time I’ve been telling you about all my sexual encounters,” Even pointed out, “but, you’ve been having some of your own and I know nothing about them.”

“Mine are more like fantasies, though,” Isak scrunched up his face and shrugged.

“Do you want to hear about some of my wet dreams? Perhaps a thing or two I’ve censored from you over the years?” Even raised a brow.

“Yes, I do.” 

“Tell me your stories first, it’s only fair.” 

“Fiiiiine,” Isak groaned and looked up at the ceiling for a moment. While he did, Even had a flash of Isak riding him like that, staring at the ceiling as he started to reach his climax and ugh, Isak was definitely not the only one with fantasies. 

“Okay, so like, first of all, you’re really hot and Mikael is pretty good looking too, you know,” Isak sighed, not looking at him as he said that part, probably afraid Even would get jealous. But, he refrained. “So, I mean, the thought of you having sex, and fuck if your stories weren’t detailed _as fuck_ , well, it was definitely a pornographic picture going on in my head. You’re a great storyteller. So there was that, but mostly, I pictured myself in Mikael’s position. With you doing what you described to me instead of him. Dreamt about it, too. Like a lot.... So did you _awaken_ me sexually? Yes. in a wide variety of ways. Happy now?”

“Fuck, yes I’m happy,” Even almost growled. Happy, if not slightly aroused. He would happily fuck Isak the way he pictured it right then. He hadn’t realized how he was practically starving Isak from sex with him. Making him get off to the thought, to his detailed stories. But, fuck, Isak wanted Even to fuck him. Got off to it, thought about it enough to dream of it. He loved it. “So, you really want me to fuck you, huh?”

“Yes,” Isak admitted, his face going red and his ears following in suit. Even couldn’t be sure, but it seemed like there was something else Isak hadn’t been telling him. He wanted to know now more than ever. “I would like that, very much. But, there’s something else—”

“Even!” Ana burst through the door right at that moment, sounding angry, “I haven’t gotten a guitar lesson since you told mom and dad and that’s not fair, I was starting to get better. You can’t give up on me now.”

“Faen, Ana!” Even groaned, sitting up as Isak moved off of him, “You’re seriously going to have to learn how to knock or one of these days you’re going to walk in on something you won’t be able to unsee. And I’m not going to take shit for that. Or pay for your therapy.” 

“I promise to knock if you continue with the lessons,” Ana crossed her arms, looking over at Even with that vindictive little sneer of hers. 

“You might as well, babe,” Isak shrugged a little beside him. Honestly, Even felt like Isak was just on the verge of some big sexual confession, a turning point, something, but now he seemed over it as he got up and walked over to where he dropped off his book bag when they got home. “I’ve got so much homework to do and you’re distracting the hell out of me.” 

“Fine, but we’re finishing this conversation. Sooner or later, we’re finishing it.” 

“I’m counting on it,” Isak said, giving Even a little wink before he settled down at his desk. It was everything Even had in him not to kick Ana out of the room and start undressing him right then and there. He definitely felt like things were about to get sexual with all their talk on the subject and Ana ruined everything. Fuck.  
*

**~Thursday Evening~**

After dinner Even buzzed through his homework while Isak diligently finished his own. It took forever, Isak had so much to do, he wasn’t even sure he’d finish it before bed. Luckily enough, though, he finished it much earlier than he thought, finally shutting his laptop and turning in Even’s desk chair to look at Even. He was laying in the bed, sketching. Isak caught him staring at him frequently and couldn’t help but wonder if it was him that he was sketching. He wouldn’t ask. Even was sometimes private about his drawings, so Isak only opted to see them when Even felt confident showing them. 

“You’re finally done?” Even asked from where he was laying, finishing shading in something with his pencil before looking up at Isak. “Why do you always have so much damn homework?”

“Well, I elected to take two sciences this semester,” Isak shrugged a little, folding his hands and stretching them out over his head while he stood up, feeling so stiff from sitting there for so long. “Physics and Biology. So I’ve got a lot of research papers and lab reports to write on top of all the actual reading and homework sheets. So, yeah, it takes a while if I want to get it right. Which I do.” 

“God, you are such a nerd, Isak,” Even laughed and stood up, grabbing his phone, “doing homework until...hey it’s 21:21. That’s a sign. Come on, we have to go do something.” 

“Go do something?” Isak raised an eyebrow at him, looking at his own phone for a moment. 21:21. “We’d have to be home in less than forty minutes?”

“We’ll just go for a quick walk then, look at the stars, hurry go put on some layers,” Even ran over to his closet and started pulling on a sweatshirt or two and Isak wasn’t going to protest. Fresh air after all of that homework sounded like a great idea. 

*  
Even figured that they were going to break curfew when he had the idea. But, Isak finished his homework at exactly 21:21, and the fact that Even decided to look at the time to make a point? That was a sign on a sign. They had to do something. He grabbed his quilt and lead Isak out of the house, telling his parents they would be home right away. Even though he knew they wouldn’t be. 

Isak, of course, being the genius he was figured that out as soon as he saw the quilt folded in Even’s arms. He only pointed it out, and didn’t protest. And that’s how they ended up in the grass at the park, laying under the stars on top of that quilt. It was too perfect and pretty of a moment to bring the sexual talk back up, so Even stored it for later and let them sit in silence while he tried counting the stars. Counting all of Isak’s alternative universes. 

“Hey, Even?” Isak spoke up beside him, rolling over on his stomach and resting his chin on Even’s chest. Even rested his hand on his back and tilted his head a little to give him the attention he was looking for. “When you had your last episode, you said that the stars told you a story. But you never told me the story. If it’s..personal or whatever, I get it. But, I was wondering if you could tell me about it.” 

The story that the stars told him. Even recalled it clear as day, but he’d kept it inside. Mostly because the policeman that found him thought he was crazy. Thought he was talking to himself. And, okay, he kind of was. But, he couldn’t help his active imagination when he was at the peak of an episode. He was reading the story out loud to himself. He knew the stars weren’t actually writing it, he did. But, they cleared it up for him, they helped his own mind write it. He had always felt that he was writing his own life, and this time he felt it falling into place, under his own direction. The story made him make his decision about Sonja. Made him finally admit to himself that if Isak wasn’t The One, no one would be. To not use anymore people to distract him from Isak. 

“You know your alternative universe theory?” Even asked quietly, looking at Isak and knowing that if anyone was going to make him feel crazy, it sure as hell wasn’t going to be him. 

“Yeah, but I thought you didn’t like it, you said it made your brain feel alone.”

“You’re right,” Even smiled, happy that Isak remembered conversations like that with him. Remembered the specifics of what Even had said. “It usually does. But, uh, the stars. They showed me the story of us, not in this universe but in another. Where we were together. Where I had the guts to kiss you and tell you that it didn’t have to be a secret if you didn’t want it to be that first time. A story where the curtains were the same color, but other things were different. It’s kind of a long story, I’ve known you a long time. I won’t bore you with the details, but imagine what it might have been like if I didn’t tell you it could be a secret. If you didn’t want it to be a secret either. If we were just two young kids who knew all along that we were meant for each other. 

“And, I don’t know. We seemed so compatible in that universe. I thought, okay...well maybe this part is crazy. But, I thought that maybe all these universes _are_ parallel, but that there may be this line. A line right through all of them, one horizontal line that makes a perfect ninety degree angle in every single parallel universe it intersects. I couldn’t help but feel that if that line exists, if that line is real, we’re on it. Compatible and connected through every single universe, no matter who we are or what decisions we’ve made. Like soulmates in the purest form.”

“Woah,” Isak said quietly, moving to prop himself up more so he could look at Even straight on. Even felt that woah, felt it vibrate through the two of them. It was a crazy emotional thought. Maybe even crazy naive. But something told Even it was true. Something told Even that Isak thought it was true, too.

“Maybe my brain is alone, but I’m sure as hell not,” Even said back quietly, running his hand up through Isak’s hair, pushing his hood back as he did. When his hand landed on the back of his neck, Even pulled Isak down onto his lips. He kissed him sensually and slow. Tender enough to drive his point home. The story, the epiphany it gave him, it resulted in this. And Even wouldn’t give up kissing Isak like this for the world. 

Their lips parted and they laid there, kissing each other slowly, tongues tasting each other over and over. Hands gripping over each other’s baggy jackets. Even almost wished they were somewhere not so open, so that he could make love to Isak right then and there.  
*

**~Friday Morning~**

Even’s alarm was going off the next morning and Even was kissing the side of Isak’s face before turning it off. Isak wanted to revel in the kisses, but the blaring alarm to the side of him was annoying enough to distract him from Even’s ever-soft lips. He groaned, taking it upon himself to reach around Even and grab his phone to turn it off. Once it was off, he sighed in relief and relaxed under Even’s touch while Even laughed against his skin. 

“I’m sorry,” Even laughed a little more and then pulled back, “You’re just so damn cute when you’re sleeping. But, you can go back to sleep now, I’ll wake you back up after my shower.”

“Wait,” Isak whined as Even started pulling away, gripping on his shoulders and pulling him close. He wanted more of his lips before he left him. “The least you can do is give me a proper kiss since you woke me up.” 

“Oh, well, yes _sir_ ,” Even laughed a little and leaned back down, pressing his lips to Isak’s. Isak always used to think about the fact that morning breath would stop him from kissing anyone when he first woke up, always thought that he wouldn’t want to, but he was so wrong. Even’s mouth tasted a little stale when they’d first connect in the early hours of the morning, but somehow Isak loved the taste. It just got better the longer they kissed. 

Even pulled away long before Isak wanted him too, Isak weakly trying to pull him back down by the shoulders with a little groan. But Even just got up with no problem, smiling down at him. 

“Sorry, babe,” Even said, amused as he looked Isak over, “I know how sensitive you are in the morning, wouldn’t want to get you going.” 

“I can control myself,” Isak rolled his eyes and then turned over, pulling the blankets with him. Even was probably right, he wanted to kiss Even for much longer, but if his hands started roaming it would be over, Even would never make it to the shower. 

Even just laughed to himself and Isak heard as he left the room. He laid there for a few moments under the covers before he realized that he was wide awake now. That wasn’t like him at all, but he couldn’t hold his eyes shut, couldn’t find a comfortable position to save his life. So, he guessed he would get up, stretching out his muscles and then getting dressed in some layers, jeans, a t-shirt and a sweatshirt. His hair was a mess, so he grabbed a snapback, too before heading out to the kitchen. 

The rest of Even’s family was in there and it smelled deliciously of bacon and eggs. Isak didn’t usually have the time because he woke up last minute, but they always made five star meals in the Bech Næsheim household. He’d just always end up grabbing a couple pieces of bacon and an apple or a peach to go as he and Even headed to school together. 

“Isak, you’re up early, would you like some bacon and eggs?” Martin asked, getting up from his seat at the table and beginning to make Isak a plate before he even responded. Isak could have done it himself, but Martin was a lot like Even in the morning, springing up and full of life. So, Isak said yeah and grabbed himself a cup of orange juice before sitting at the table where Martin put the food down. 

“Where’s Even?” Josefine asked, eyeing Isak curiously from her side of the table, “You guys stayed out past curfew last night, you know.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” Isak told her before digging into his food. It smelled and tasted so good, almost making Isak want to continue waking up early for it. Kisses from Even and delicious food or sleep? It was a tough decision. 

“I realize that you boys think you can do whatever you want because you can threaten us with moving out, but in all seriousness, we have rules in this house for a number of reasons,” Josefine told Isak sternly, sipping on a cup of coffee and looking him in the eyes. And this was probably another reason he didn’t like early mornings. He couldn’t deal with serious talks after just waking up, his brain was still asleep, for crying out loud. 

“I know, I know,” Isak told her, swallowing his mouthful and then taking a sip of OJ to wash it down, “It won’t happen again, Even just wanted to go for a walk and I thought it was a good idea because I just finished all my homework. It was just to de-stress. We went to the park and lost track of time.” It was kind of a lie, Isak knew as soon as they left the house that they weren’t going to be back for curfew, they didn’t actually lose track of any time. But, it wasn’t like there was any harm done. They still had their homework finished, still got a good amount of sleep, they hadn’t been drinking or smoking, hell, they weren’t even having sex. 

“De-stress? Even?” Josefine asked cautiously, ever on the case of _is Even having another episode?_ “He’s been a bit irritable lately, hasn’t he?”

“Well,” the answer was yes, things were getting on Even’s nerves lately, but Isak could usually tell when it was an episode, this didn’t feel like an episode, it just felt like normal teenage mood swings oor something else he couldn't quite put his finger on. “I guess he’s been a little irritable but I’m pretty sure he’s fine. It hasn’t even been that long since his last episode, so I think that it’s okay.”

“I was reading and they say that episodes will grow longer and get shorter together over time,” Josefine said matter-of-factly, looking Isak dead on to tell him that it was possible that he was wrong and she had the right to be worried. “It usually happens over a longer period of time, but in extreme cases, it could happen in just a matter of years.” 

“I don’t think Even is an extreme case, Josey,” Martin told her calmly, walking behind her and rubbing her shoulders a little, “You worry too much. If Isak thinks he’s fine, he probably is, you know. Isak is very intelligent. He always tells us when he thinks something is up.” 

“Why do you act like he could know more about my own son than I do?” Her tone was harsh and both Ana and Isak’s eyes snapped to each other immediately. It wasn’t often that Even’s parents fought, but when they did, it was actually kind of scary. Not in a ‘oh no, fists are going to be thrown’ kind of way but more of a ‘oh fuck, are they going to break up?’ kind of way. They never did, it was always worked out, but nonetheless, it wasn’t something anyone wanted to be around for. 

 

 **~Friday Lunch~**  
*  
Even’s parents were kind of on the outs this morning when he got out of the shower, and he didn’t really know why. If Isak did, he sure as hell wasn’t telling him. It stressed him out a little more, the two of them always seemed to work it out but he wondered if someday there would be a line that was crossed. He knew of a lot of kids—Isak included—with separated parents. And, a lot of them—thank god not including Isak—had really fucked up views on love. Even didn’t want his own to be shattered, especially now that he had Isak. His parents had something he always looked up to as a kid and even now, a love story that started so young and just seemed to grow stronger over the years. 

He wanted to grab a cigarette to put behind his ear, but he had a feeling that if he did, he’d smoke it. So, he opted for Isak’s rolled up paper with his little love letter on it. It was harder not to want to smoke when Isak wasn’t around to distract him with kisses, so classes dragged on, his skin itching to search for the kids in the room who he knew smoked, the ones he knew he could bum a cigarette from. 

But he refrained, and now he was sitting at the lunch table, arm draped around Isak’s shoulders. He found himself tapping on the table as he listened to the boys chide Mahdi about whether or not this girl was actually into him. He tried to focus, but really he found himself focused on Isak instead. Truthfully, he wasn’t sure anymore if he was amidst some episode already again. That was one of the issues he found when quitting smoking. The irritable itch he got, the cravings he felt to just get the smoke in his lungs—well, the physical signs and the mood swings weren’t really all that different. The thing he focused on, though, was that the mania also came with a lot of creative outbursts, high feelings of joy and the need to go, go, go. He figured that as long as that part wasn’t happening, it couldn’t be an episode. 

It didn’t stop him from worrying that it might become one, though. 

“Even? Hellllo?” Magnus was suddenly swinging a hand in front of his face and Even snapped to, getting himself out of his thoughts and focusing on the boy in front of him. 

“Sorry, what?” 

“I was asking if that was a joint behind your ear? How are you getting away with it?” Magnus raised a brow at him and then Even reached up, taking the rolled paper then smiling down at Isak. Isak, who could have easily answered the question for him, but was looking up at him curiously anyway. 

“It’s a paper,” Even smiled and then kissed Isak’s forehead before unrolling it, “A few teachers have asked that, though. It’s fun to prove them wrong by telling them it’s just a love letter from my boyfriend.” He held it up and showed the boys _elsker deg_ written in Isak’s slightly-too-messy penmanship. 

“Is it what you had behind your ear on Tuesday, too? I was going to ask then, but you seemed a little on edge.” Mahdi said. And, yes, Even had been in a mood on Tuesday, upset by the news of Isak’s dad, irritated that he didn’t have Isak’s lips to kiss all day, angry that Isak’s friends didn’t seem to care about Isak’s side of the story. 

“Yeah, yeah,” He nodded a little then looked down at Isak, seeing the gleam of worry in his eye. Even sighed a little and rubbed his face, looking down at the boy and raising a brow, “if you’re going to ask it, just do it.” 

“Do I have to? Couldn’t you just tell me?” 

“Jaaaa, jaaaa, I’m sorry,” Even shook his head and then leaned back in his seat, looking around at the boys, “No, I don’t think I’m going through an episode, alright? It’s just that sometimes quitting smoking is harder than other times. Sometimes I can go a week, two, and I’ve even gone three once without a single cigarette. But, sometimes I just get these cravings and these urges out of nowhere. Usually when there’s a lot going on, it’s just like my body is telling me that I need the release. If I don’t give in to it, I get a little irritable, that’s all. I’m almost a hundred percent sure.”

“So, then why don’t you just give in?” Jonas asked, leaning back. “Smoke a cigarette, no one’s going to care.”

“I will,” Even said and then looked down at Isak, silently wondering if he would, too. “If I give in every time then I’m literally right back into the habit and I’m right where I started. I can’t keep doing that.”

“There are other ways to get release, you know,” Magnus said and then looked at Isak, giving him a suggestive eyebrow wiggle. “Are you not giving your man what he needs, Isak?” 

“Faen, Mags. Wouldn’t you like to know?”  
*

**~Friday Evening~**

Even and Isak took the bus to the Bakkoush residence, holding each other close and keeping the conversation light until they were close enough to the destination to worry about certain things that may arise while they were there. 

“Are you going to be okay with all the smoking?” Isak asked Even calmly. From what he knew, Mikael and Adam were pretty heavy smokers, they were the ones who turned Even on to it in the first place, which meant Even might be around it all night. After his confession at lunch about how hard a time he was having with it, Isak was worried about the idea of him being around it. He wasn’t going to be someone who told him not to, who told him that it was forbidden. Instead, he wanted to be supportive of his quitting, not just because it was good for his health, but because it was something that Even seemed to really want to do. 

“Yeah, yeah, but would you be mad if I did?” Even asked, moving his hand to caress Isak’s cheek. 

“Nei, but if you do, not too much, okay? You’re still trying to quit and I don’t want you to have to start from square one, or whatever you said at lunch,” Isak laughed a little, pouting his lips and pressing them gently to Even’s for a moment.

“I’ll be trying to do my best, that I can promise,” Even returned the kiss with one of his own and then looked Isak in the eyes. “Are _you_ going to be okay being around my ex boyfriend all night?” Even raised an eyebrow as the bus pulled to their stop, Isak stood up and sighed a little. He wasn’t worried about Even and Mikael whatsoever. He just worried that his own presence would create a divide. He didn’t want that. 

“I’ll be fine,” Isak told him as they got off the bus and walked down the street to Sana’s. 

“You’re not going to get all _excited_ with the two of us in the same room, are you?” Even smirked, wrapping his arm around Isak and looking down at him as they walked. 

“Nei, Even, I’m long over that,” Isak rolled his eyes and nudged him with his shoulder. Part of him wanted to feel embarrassed but he held back on it, trying to remember that the two of them were open with each other now, and there was nothing to feel embarrassed about. Even if he did get off to Even and Mikael a couple times, Even wasn’t thinking any less of him, and that was really good. 

When they got to Sana’s place, hooting and howling could be heard from the backyard, so Even led Isak back around. Most of the boys were there playing basketball on their backyard court, minus Adam. Chris and Sana sat perched on the bench next to the court; Sana was playing with her nails in disinterest and Chris was watching the shirts and skins game with wide eyes, obviously happy to be invited. 

“Boooooys,” Even said, announcing himself as they came into view. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at the two of them. Isak would always be astounded by the command Even had to make a whole room turn to him, pay attention to him. He didn’t know what skill it was, but, fuck, Even possessed it. 

“Eveeeeeeen, Isak!” Yousef yelled, checking the ball at Mikael and running over to the two and wrapping his arms around them. “Fuck, I’m so glad you came. When Adam comes, I’m going to need you on my team, Even. Deal?”

“Deal!” Even smiled, pulling back and then greeting the rest of the boys as they came over with bro-shakes and hugs. Isak dismissed himself after hellos. He just figured Even needed time with his friends, and Isak didn’t mind hanging out with Sana and Chris on the bench—he definitely wasn’t any good at basketball, anyway. He sauntered over and sat down, looking at the two girls. 

“Glad you made it,” Sana said in her most casual demeanor, holding back a smile. 

“Jaaaa, Even told me about your dick, so now you totally have to tell me about his,” Chris said and laughed, tossing her head back and then not-so-discreetly looking down at Isak’s crotch. “Is he bigger than you?”

*  
Everything seemed to fall into place. Adam showed up about fifteen minutes after Even and Isak and then they played basketball. Elias, Adam, and Mikael on the skins team and Yousef, Mutta, and Even on the shirts teams. They bickered a little about Yousef’s team being stacked with the taller players, but they eventually agreed that Elias and Adam were the better basketball players of the entire group, so it all worked out in one form or another. 

It was a playful game, no actual arguing, just banter and bickering—the way things had always been. Yousef trying to psyche Mikael out by tucking the bottom of his shirt into his collar and posing flirtatiously while he tried to get a shot, Adam making fun of Even’s long, lanky, and sometimes clumsy limbs. Playfully pushing and shoving and Isak off to the sidelines, talking to Sana and Chris but sometimes meeting his gaze with a smile and a wink. Distracting him enough to make him lose the ball from time to time, which just caused more chastising from the boys, and shoving from his own teammates who told him to _focus, damn it_.

Yeah, Even had been a little worried about how things would go. But, everything seemed totally fine, like they were finally getting back to normal—the new normal, anyway. And Even finally understood Isak’s obsession with getting his own group back to normal. 

Because, even though everything was different, there was still an anchor in his friendship with the boys. He had Isak, and Isak had him, but having the rest of them was grounding in its own ways. It couldn’t only just be him and Isak all the time, as much as that felt like something they both could deal with. Contact with the others on the outside of their little world was vital. And to know that there were people on the outside of two of them that wanted them around? It really helped that brain-is-alone feeling. 

“Alright, we’re going to go inside and watching movies,” Sana announced from the bench, standing up with Isak and Chris standing up too, “We’ve all decided that you guys are ridiculously boring and terrible at basketball.”

“What? Nooo, join us,” Yousef said, checking the ball at her. She caught it skillfully, even though it had been an unexpected pass and then checked it back to him, but definitely harder. 

“If we join, the teams won’t be even,” She smiled evilly at him and crossed her arms across her chest, “Besides, whoever’s team I joined would have an unfair advantage because I. Am. The Best. And you are all amateurs.” 

“Oooooh,” Most of the boys laughed, Adam slapping Yousef on the back while the rest of them laughed. They laughed because everyone knew—besides maybe Elias—that Yousef had a crush on her, liked her around them, available to flirt with and they laughed at her confidence, how easily she put them down, how easily she put _him_ down. 

“You are way too confident, Sana,” Elias shook his head and then grabbed the basketball out of Yousef’s hands. “You guys should just go inside and make us something to eat.” 

“Yeah right, if Sana cooks, the place will probably burn down. She can’t even peel carrots,” Yousef said, looking at her with a challenging smile and a head tilt. Even thought that his flirting was obvious, that there was no way that Elias didn’t have some sort of idea. 

“Same goes for Isak,” Even laughed and then walked over to his boyfriend with a smile, “Sorry babe.” He pecked his lips once and wrapped an arm around his waist, “want me to come watch movies with you?”

“Booooooo!” Yousef, Elias, and Mutta all called out, Elias picking up his shirt off the ground and throwing it at the two boys. “Games over if you leave, man.” 

“Obviously they can’t play without you,” Isak smiled up at him and scrunched his nose up in that cute way that made Even want to take his face and kiss it all over. “I’ll be fine, you seem like you’re really enjoying yourself, anyway. I’ll still be inside when your done. I won’t make food but I could order some pizza maybe? Sound good?”

“Do whatever you want, Elias just likes to boss people around because he’s an _asshole_ ,” Even said, saying asshole louder and looking at Elias, who just shrugged because he knew it was true. It was who he was and he was damn proud of it. 

“Mmmkay,” Isak smiled and tipped up, pressing a quick and gentle kiss to his lips before pulling away and walking with the girls inside. Even watched him walk away for a moment, always a little bit stricken by Isak’s lips, by his initiation of kisses. He just smiled and shook his head, looking back at the boys after a moment. They were all looking back at him, standing still and quiet. 

“Fuck man, you’re actually so gone for him.” Mutta finally said, shaking his head and laughing a little. Even couldn’t help but to look at Mikael as he said it. Was it weird for him? When his eyes met Even’s with a smile, Even felt himself relax, breathe out a breath he hadn’t even known he’d been holding in. 

“It’s about damn time,” Mikael laughed and clapped a hand onto Yousef’s shoulder. “This asshole has literally been into Isak for years. He literally used to say his name in his damn sleep. He even woke up one night from a fucking _wet dream_ moaning his damn name. Can you believe it?” 

“Fuuuuck,” Adam said, his eyes widening and looking back and forth between the two boys. “Even _you asshole!_ ” All of the boys laughed as he walked up to Even and shook him violently by the shoulders. Even took him back by the shoulders and the two of them stilled, looking into each other’s eyes challengingly before they both let out a loud scream that built up from the middle of their chests. 

Suddenly, all the boys were whooping and hollering and laughing and shaking each other’s shoulders. They’d push and shove and roughhouse for as long as they could go. Even had absolutely no idea why they did this. No idea when it even started. They just did it. It was like a contest, who could scream the longest, who could be the loudest, who could cause the biggest commotion. 

Of course, there had been a few times that it didn’t end well. 

Once they were in a public parking lot and Mutta jumped up on the roof of a car while he screamed, denting the roof of it as he stomped his feet. And, as if that wasn’t enough, he fell off, landing on the windshield and cracking it, breaking his arm in the meantime. All caught on a video camera in that parking lot. Then another time, Mikael bumped Elias so hard, he smashed his head off a brick wall and had a concussion and needed stitches above his ear.

But, when it wasn’t getting out of hand, it was just a lot of fun, a lot of pushing and shoving and so much noise. Screaming out and moving so uncontrollably, it was a sort of liberation for all of them. Especially for Even when he had all that pent up stress, especially now with all his irritability he’d had from quitting smoking as of late. They’d let loose, go absolutely wild, become absolutely damn free. No worries in the entire world. 

 

**~Saturday Morning~**

Even was laying in bed, holding his phone in the air when Isak started to stir next to him. He’d been going back between random articles and buzzfeed quizzes to a seemingly impossible candy crush level. He had been up and out of bed a few times now, but Isak slept so damn much when he could. Even was waiting as patiently as he could. When Isak was finally waking up and they could begin to spend their day alone with each other, Even felt a rush of excitement. He was going to drop his phone and begin showering him with kisses when he caught the time. 

“Faen, Isak, how do you do that?” He asked setting the phone down and sitting up completely, watching the boys eyes flutter open. Already confused, his eyebrows pushing down into each other. 

“What did I do?” 

“You’re waking up at exactly 11:11. You’ve got like, a sixth sense for magical times, don’t you?” Even wanted to get up and straddle Isak’s waist, lean down and kiss him over and over again. Because he was magical and because he just looked so damn sleepy and cute. He thought about all the times that he caught Isak this beautiful before. All the mornings he couldn’t kiss him even though he was, in fact, mesmerized by that beauty. He thought he needed to make up for it, but he didn’t, instead he just left a gentle kiss on the corner of his lips, figuring they’d have all day for the rest of it. 

“Maybe I do,” Isak smiled a little at him before rubbing his eyes a little and slowly sitting up, too, so close that their lips were almost touching, anyway. “I was born at 21:21, you know. I could very well have a sixth sense.” 

“You’re fucking kidding?” Even asked, pushing him back playfully, forgetting that the boy was probably still filled with sleepy bones. He rattled a little and almost fell back into the bed, Even catching him quickly. “You were born at 21:21 and you never fucking told me?” 

“No one really talks about what time they’re born at, Even,” Isak laughed, grabbing onto Even now too, arms slipping around his neck and moving closer, almost into his lap. “Have you ever told me what time you were born at? Nei. Why would I tell you?”

“Because it’s 21:21? I was born at like 01:13 in the morning, there’s nothing special about that. But, 21:21, Isak. Oof, you’re going to give me a boner.” 

“Only you would get turned on by a time, Even,” Isak laughed and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips before pulling back and looking him in the eye, “But, I was thinking that you and I could get out of here today? Find a place to be alone together, out of the house where everyone can hear what we’re doing?”

“Should I find us a hotel for the night?” Even asked carefully. He wasn’t going to push any buttons, didn’t want to cross any boundaries, but the two of them had been having a lot of talks about sex and the blow jobs were great and all… They just seemed to be on the verge of something more, and now that Isak was offering to be alone, well, Even couldn’t help but think that’s exactly how they should spend their day.  
*

**~Saturday Afternoon~**

“I’m the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen?” Isak asked as they settled down into the bed of the upscale hotel room. Even was straddling him, looking down at him completely full of lust, but there was so much going through Isak’s head at the moment that there was no way they were about to fuck for the first time ever right then. Or Maybe they were, fuck he didn't know.

“Yeah, you really are,” Even laughed, tossing back his head and revealing his neck before looking back down, pushing Isak’s shirt up his chest. “I wouldn’t lie like that, you know.”

“You know, you never told me about your fantasies?” Isak looked up, pushing Even’s hand away, dropping his shirt back to its resting position. He was mostly asking because he didn’t get to finish his own end of the conversation. Even had told him so much about his sex life that he was pretty sure that there couldn’t be much Even fantasized about without Isak knowing or at least inferring. But, if Even would get back to the topic, he would easily get back to what he was going to say. The one thing that was holding him back from this step they would take. 

“Oh yeah?” Even raised a brow and looked at him with his amusement in those blue eyes. “You really sure you want to know? I wouldn’t want to get you going before we ever even got going.”

“I’m not _that_ sensitive, jesus,” Isak rolled his eyes, running his hands up Even’s torso this time. Honestly, they didn’t need to have this talk because Isak would let Even take him in a heartbeat. The other part could come later, and he really didn’t care. But, maybe part of him _almost_ did care. Because, God, he wanted to fuck Even almost as much as he wanted Even to fuck him. 

He was really back and forth on whether or not the talk needed to happen first. But he figured that the dominoes would fall as they may. Whichever happened next was going to happen. They’d get to the other soon enough.

“Well, one time, during sex with Mikael, I called out your name,” Even laughed a little, looking down at Isak, one hundred percent serious. “You and I hung out a lot that day and you were so beautiful and I couldn’t exactly get you off my mind. As much as I tried, anyway.”

“Shut up?!” Isak widened his eyes, looking up at Even, “I hung out with him all yesterday night and you’re just telling me now? Fuck! He probably hates me, Even! How did you wait so long to tell me this?” 

“Well, it wasn’t the only time, I uh, once woke up from a wet dream, calling out your name with him right next to me?” Even revealed all his teeth, making a _yikes_ face. “But, uh, Mikael doesn’t hate you. I kind of..just chalked it all up to an episode that I somehow luckily had recently after. And then I was careful from there on out. So, it’s fine, really.”

“You know…” Isak began, biting his lip and running a fingertip up over one of Even’s nipples ever-so slowly, “I always kind of hoped you thought of me during sex with Mikael. I can’t believe you actually did. Apparently dreams do come true?”

“Fuck yeah, they do.” 

The next thing Isak fully registered was Even removing his shirt after he took off his own. He was on top of Isak and they had been kissing ferociously. Isak thought once more that maybe they should talk about it before they did it, but he honestly couldn’t be bothered—the domino fell. To be submissive, to be totally willing to have Even on top of him? Well, it just came naturally. So as Even kissed and bruised along his neck, his collarbones, his chest, Isak couldn't help but beg for more.

Shivers rode up and down his spine and neck, making hairs stand up everywhere they raced. And, as Even pulled down Isak’s boxers and started licking around his balls, Isak couldn’t help but anticipate everything that was about to happen. To finally not be a virgin—finally, at seventeen—to finally know what it was like to be with Even in the most intimate way possible. His entire body shuddered, his eyes closed in absolute relaxation as Even licked down to his hole. 

_Fuck_ , no one had been there before, and as Even licked around it, Isak could feel it contracting with pleasure. Ready for whatever was about to come. Isak let out a moan that he couldn’t stop, tilting his head back and feeling as Even’s tongue prodded, pleaded at his entrance. He wanted him more than words could describe. More than his own brain could register. 

“ _Baby,_ ” He moaned out, opening up his eyes and looking down at the boy who was absolutely down for fulfilling Isak’s every need. Even lifted his head and looked at him curiously, his eyebrows flicking up as his smile slowly spread across his face. “I-I put my lube and condoms in the front pouch of my bag. Could….could you get them, please.”

Even nodded and then slowly pulled back. Isak immediately missed his touch, wishing for his tongue to swirl ever-around his hole, or for his mouth to pay all that attention to his cock. Fuck, if he had more than one mouth, Isak would be screwed. Not that he probably wasn’t already screwed as he watched Even saunter across the room completely naked, digging through his bag and pulling out condoms and the lube Isak bought so long ago. _Fuck_ Isak thought as he watched Even walk back over to the bed, moving himself between Isak’s legs. He couldn’t believe this was about to happen. No more virginity, no more wonder of what it might be like. 

It was about damn time. 

“Do you… Know how this works?” Even asked tentatively, raising an eyebrow down at him as he positioned himself comfortably between Isak’s legs. “I just don’t want to surprise you with anything, is all.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Isak managed to breathe out, spreading his legs as wide as he could as Even’s hands ran up along his inner thighs. He couldn’t believe it, he really couldn’t. Even’s hands pressed on the inside of his thighs once more, trailing up before taking the lube and squeezing some into his hand. Isak breathed deeply and watched in silence. 

“Tell me if something doesn’t feel right, alright?” Even asked quietly, running the lube along his fingers and watching Isak with caution. As soon as Isak nodded his head, Even placed his hand on Isak’s erect member and trailed it down to his hole, circling around it before slowly slipping a finger inside. Isak gasped, closing his eyes and taking in the sensation. It was a little strange of a feeling, but having fingered himself before, he had expected it. He took a deep breath and pressed his hips up, waiting for Even to hit that spot that he had found. 

“More,” Isak heard himself saying after Even had pumped his finger in and out a few times. It felt good, but Isak knew it could feel better, that Even was going to be holding himself back without Isak’s prompting. Without Isak telling him he wanted more, more, more. 

“Okay,” Even said quietly as he added his second finger. This was more of a squeeze and Isak felt the slight stretch. Even had enormous hands and fingers, so two fingers was probably the equivalent of three of his own—or at least two and a half. He slowly pumped them in and out, twisting them and curving them to make sure to find all of Isak’s insides. He swiped against that sweet spot a could of times as he did, causing Isak to gasp out and arch his back while his hips pressed into his touch. God, all of it already felt so intimate, he wasn’t sure he would make it through all of it. His fingers very well may have the ability to do the trick, to make him come. 

“O-Oh, Even,” He managed to groan out, reaching down and grabbing his wrist, causing the two of them to make eye contact. “I..I appreciate how gentle...but uh, we have to speed this up, alright? I don’t want to come before you’re inside me.”

“Okay,” Even smiled and then leaned down, kissing the tip of his dick then looking at him. “I’ll add one more finger, alright? Just to make sure you’re stretched enough… and then we’ll go. Can you handle that?” 

Even’s fingers had ceased, still inside his asshole while his eyes watched Isak extremely carefully. Isak thought that yes, maybe he would come just from Even’s fingers, but he thought that probably he could come again after that. He would try to hold back, though. Just because he was a horny teenager, didn’t mean that he was going to let all of his hormones come get to him like that. He just found himself nodding instead, a small little “yes” coming out of his lips with more need dripping from his tongue than he wanted to give away. 

“Tell me to stop if you feel uncomfortable,” Even warned gently as his third finger circled around his hole. Isak couldn’t help but clench the two already inside of him, his mouth letting out a slew of moans he didn’t know he was capable of. He knew that a third inside of him was going to be a tight squeeze, let alone Even’s cock. But, God, he was so damn ready. Should he have been? As Even’s third finger slowly pushed through, Isak couldn’t help but call out. It had been a stretch he was anticipating, but one he couldn’t have actually imagined. At his noise, Even stopped abruptly, keeping his hand in place while Isak relaxed around his fingers. “Everything okay?”

“Y-yeah, keep going, please,” Isak managed to whimper, because no matter how much it stretched, it also felt so damn good. He had wondered for so long whether pain or pleasure would triumph, but the funny thing was that they coincided. The pain made it more pleasurable, the pleasure reminded him of how much the pain didn’t matter, of how much he was being cared for as Even slowly started pumping his fingers in and out. He twisted them and angled them and slowed his pace and quickened it, readying Isak for all the different feels. Every time he grazed his prostate, Isak found himself calling out, gripping onto the sheets below him, trying to hold back his climax.

“Are you ready, do you think?” Even asked after Isak called out again, reaching out and grabbing onto Even’s waist. He was ready, he knew, but he was also terrified. Even wasn’t exactly small, his fingers were a pretty good indicator of that, but they still were not a match. His heart beat so fast and his hands gripped into Even’s side tighter as his hand slowed and he held his fingers inside of him.

“Y-yeah,” Isak panted, not being able to believe how turned on he was. Every swipe of his prostate left Isak wanting more from Even and as terrifying as it might have been...God it was exhilarating. And, he had dreamed of Even inside him for so long that it was actually a dream coming true. Yes, yes, yes, he was ready. 

“Tell me to stop if you think it’s too much,” Even warned gently, grabbing the condom and ripping it open in front of Isak with his mouth. It was funny to Isak that it was his own condom and yet he’d never actually put one on himself. But he took notes as he watched, just like health class had said, Even pinched the tip and rolled it on. Even bit his lip and let out an inward moan that caught in his throat as he did. It made Isak want him even more as he watched Even slide some of the lube up and down the condom.

“I love you,” Isak managed to choke out as Even lined himself up, his tip pressuring at his hole, still bigger than the stretch Even had already worked out. 

“I love you too, Isak,” Even reached over and ran a hand through his hair, leaning down and pressing his forehead to Isak’s. “Focus on me and relax, okay? I’m going to kiss you now.”

“Okay,” Isak gasped a little against his lips as Even slowly pressed himself inside Isak’s ass. There was a stretch, a definite stretch. One that was more painful than Isak had imagined it would be. But, it felt good too and kissing Even with all that fervor was a definite distraction, made him want more as Even bottomed out, stopping while he was deep inside him. After a few seconds of adjusting, underneath Even’s lips, Isak mumbled “go,” and wrapped his legs around Even’s waist. Even slowly started thrusting his hips. In and out of the boy as he pleased. 

“Fuck, Isak,” Even groaned, sitting up more and thrusting in and out at a moderate pace, not too fast, not too slow. Isak felt nerves upon nerves upon nerves, waking up and coming to life with each thrust. He couldn’t help but keep moaning, Even’s dick filling him up and grazing his bundle of nerves with enough care to start building him up happily. Making him see stars.

“Oh, Even!” Isak groaned, scratching his hands down Even’s back with zeal as he began meeting his thrusts with is own. The pain of the stretch was beginning to subside completely, and Isak was feeling absolutely on top of the world as Even continued meeting Isak’s hips with his own. There was no nerve ending in Isak’s body that wasn’t awakened. All of them were thrown to life, buzzing with absolute pleasure as the two of them made love. Isak never felt so sprightly, his entire body following Even’s every move, his eyes completely locked to Even’s as he continued to moan out loud. 

“You feel so good,” Even moaned, too, bending his back down and pressing his forehead against Isak’s as they looked each other in the eyes. Isak couldn’t bring himself to say anything back, he just met his gaze with lidded eyes and passionate but weak thrusts as the climax began to build inside him with more and much more fury and fire than he ever thought his body could hold. 

“F-faster,” Isak managed to moan out, gripping his nails further into Even’s back. He would absolutely have scratch marks down his back, but Isak didn’t care at all. All he could care about in the moment was his building climax as Even began slamming into him harder and faster, his hips hitting up against Isak’s ass with almost a slap as they continued. _Fuck_ Isak was feeling so close as he looked into Even’s eyes. There couldn’t have been anything more intimate than Even filling him up with his length, plunging into him as they held this eye contact. There was absolutely no way there was anything better in the world. No way there was anything better than this moment. Ever. 

He yelled out Even’s name more and more and more as the climax grew. Nothing in the history of the universe felt so good as Even’s pace continued faster and harder, as if anticipating Isak’s climax. Maybe he was, Isak certainly wasn’t holding anything back. 

“E-even!!!” Isak cried out loudly, coming onto his stomach as Even continued pounding into him, only seeing the stars and Even's eyes at that moment. Isak felt amazing as he worked him over his climax, his body buzzing with a high he almost couldn’t comprehend. As if he had never came before. He began to feel overwhelmed as Even continued pounding ever faster, ever harder to reach his own peak. Isak’s head whipped from side to side as Even continued pounding into his prostate for another thirty seconds before finishing his own climax and come down. 

“Isak, Isak, Isak, Isaaaaak,” Even breathed out in a half moan, half whisper as he finally collapsed down on top of Isak, still resting inside of him and breathing into his ear. 

There was so much going on. Come all over his stomach that was now rubbing up against Even’s stomach, part of him suddenly wanting more from the over stimulation while the other part of him needed a rest from all the movement, all the mental and physical feelings. He couldn’t help but think though, that it had finally happened. Isak wasn’t a virgin and Even had fucking done that to him, it was all Even’s fault and he couldn’t be more happy with it. He almost wanted to cry. Actually, he wasn’t even entirely sure that he wasn’t already crying.

As Even’s pulled out, he immediately knew he was sore, too. He had been expecting that. He had read enough online and watched enough porn to know that that was something that happened. Normal. He just didn’t know how long it’d last. If it would happen every time he bottomed with Even. God, he had so much to learn. 

“How do you feel?” Even asked carefully as he moved to the side of Isak, brushing his fingers through Isak’s hair over and over. It felt better than usual, all of Isak’s nerves on edge from what just happened. It wouldn’t turn him on, he was definitely too overdone for that, but fuck, Even’s fingers made him feel so good and relaxed as they combed and combed and combed through his hair.

“Amazing,” Isak said quietly, “Like I could take a nap, though.”

“Then let’s do that,” Even smiled and then moved himself underneath the covers, pulling them up over Isak as well. He obviously didn’t care about the come getting everywhere and Isak couldn’t be assed to care at the moment, either, “I’ll set an alarm so we don’t sleep too much. But we can sleep and then go from there. Does that sound good to you?”

“Sounds perfect,” Isak said as he moved himself to curl up in Even’s arms, pressing kisses to his chest until he passed out.

 

 **~Saturday Evening~**  
*  
Even woke up before his alarm, Isak half draped over him as he laid on his stomach. Even kissed the top of his head a couple times and ran his hands through his curls that weren’t actually very curly at that moment at all. Just the ends curled to random sides, outward, inward, left and right. Still beautiful, still so precious as he slept out his climax. 

_His climax_. No, it hadn’t been the first one Even had given him, but this one was special. Somehow it was everything he expected out of sex with Isak and absolutely everything else, too. One thing he always found particularly interesting about Isak was his stamina, his ability to hold on. He had said that he was going to come just from Even’s fingers, and so Even thought that maybe he’d only be inside him for seconds, a couple minutes tops. But, no, Isak held on and Even really got to experience all of it for so much longer than he anticipated. 

Being inside Isak had been better than being inside Mikael or Sonja. The only difference was really the fact that those were _Isak’s_ thighs wrapping around him, that was _Isak’s_ voice calling out his name, those were the sweet sounds of lust escaping _Isak’s_ cupid bow lips. But, somehow, it might as well have been his first time, filling him up with so much good feelings that he could hardly even bare to sleep it off, despite how exhausted he'd been. 

He even cried a little after Isak passed out in his arms. But that would be his secret. 

He kissed his head a few more times and then very slowly and gently moved out from underneath his boy, grabbing his phone and turning off the alarm he set. He might as well wake Isak himself if he was going to be up anyway. It’d be a much gentler awakening. 

He sighed when he saw he had a few texts from Ana. He always told his parents that nine-year-olds should not have cell phones. He didn’t get his first phone until he was thirteen, and yet here Ana was, texting him from the cracked screen of her iPhone. 

****

**-Ana-**

_y did u leave me here while mom and dad r fighting. 17:32_

_Srsly I would never do this to u 17:40_

_Nvm. Erik said I could go over there. 17:55_

Even rolled his eyes looking through the texts. Yeah, he supposed them leaving Ana there while his parents were in the middle of one of their fights hadn’t been the best idea. But, it wasn’t like it was going to be any better for her while they were there. They’d probably just have escaped to one of their rooms and told her to do the same if she bothered them. 

****

**-Ana-**

_Glad you got out. It’ll be fine. Always is. 18:24_

_Do you know why they’re fighting? 18:25_

He heard Isak sigh and tore his eyes away from his phone for a moment. Some things—like his angel laying in bed by himself, waking up alone after losing his _virginity_ to Even—were more important than one of his parents stupid fights about something they were just going to end up getting over anyway. Isak stirred a little but his eyes didn’t open.

Even just smiled to himself and then went over to the desk in the room, checking out the room service menu. They had a lot of options, and honestly Even was so hungry, he kind of wanted to order them all. But, instead he just picked out a couple of things, the gourmet mini burgers, pizza, and fish and chips. He and Isak could pick at all of the food and share. He slipped into the bathroom quickly to make the call, and then went to wake Isak up. 

 

Even and Isak were sitting in bed, covers wrapped around their waists as they talked and ate their food. Isak had been starving, too and so happy that Even had ordered food for them, thanking him with a shower of kisses. Even couldn’t help but to just smile with pride and happiness and so much other emotions that his head was spinning with them. 

“Isn’t like, cigarettes after sex a thing?” Isak asked between bites of one of the burgers, holding his hand below his chin to make sure he didn’t drip anywhere. The covers were already a mess of come, so Even didn’t seen why he cared so much, but he found it endearing anyway. 

“It is, and I won’t lie, it’s very amazing while you’re coming down from it,” Even laughed and shook his head a little. Cigarettes after sex with Isak was probably even better. “But, I didn’t bring them, so, oh well.”

“You didn’t bring a single cigarette?” Isak raised a brow, obviously impressed with Even. To be fair, he had had two the night before, and he really wasn’t feeling too great about it. So, he had promptly decided to leave them at home as soon as they had their room booked and knew they wouldn’t be back all day. He ran the risk of getting irritable and itching for one, but he had somehow figured that _cigarettes_ were not going to be the thing he was craving. 

“Not a single one, yes, be proud of me,” Even laughed and smiled, reaching across and tousling Isak’s hair gently before sitting back against the headboard. “How are you feeling, babe?” 

“A little sore? But it’s cool, I expected that,” Isak laughed a little, his cheeks heating up. Even found himself feeling all tender again. Isak was in some pain, it was his fault, and yet he was somehow proud of himself. Happy, even. But, he still wanted to coddle and hold him until he felt better. He would wait on him hand and foot if he had to. “I mean, you’re not exactly sm—...hey wait a second. I just remembered that Chris told me you talked to her about my dick!” 

“What?” Even choked a little, because fuck, that was a rapid change of conversation. Was Isak mad? He had to make up for it quickly, “I was drunk, babe, I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s fine,” Isak rolled his eyes and then shoved Even’s shoulder, “she wanted to know about yours in return. So I told her it was tiny.” 

“Oh really?” Even raised an eyebrow, not being able to not be amused by this information. 

“Yep,” Isak nodded and popped the ‘p’ on the word, smiling proudly. But, only for a few moments before he caved and said, “but she called me on my bullshit. Said no one with hands as big as yours could have a small dick.” 

“Hah!” Even laughed and tossed his head back. Never mind that Chris was checking out his hands to figure out whether or not he had a big dick. Never mind the fact that Chris was thinking about his dick, or Isak’s dick at all. It was just kind of nice that Isak was literally sitting there, being completely proud about talking about dick sizes to begin with. That comfortable with his sexuality, with himself. 

“Hey Even?”

“Mmm?” Even answered with his eyebrows up, having just taken a bite of a burger. They were amazing burgers. 

“Speaking of, or maybe it’s not really speaking of, but,” Isak swallowed hard and licked his lips, making Even realize that this might be something that turned serious really fast. He set down his burger and gave Isak his full attention, letting the boy go on with his thoughts. “So, like, I know that when you were with Mikael it was always...well, you were always the uh, top position? If you get what I’m saying? I was just wondering why, because well, I mean… Well, if you’re not okay with switching things up, that’s...that’s totally fine because what we did earlier? Oh man, that was great. But, I was thinking that maybe it’d also be great if we switched...like, positions every now and then. Like, giving and receiving positions? If that makes sense?”

Isak was rambling, but Even was hearing every single word. Truth be told, he didn’t know why he always topped. It just had come naturally to him with Mikael and Mikael had never complained, never asked to switch things up. But, here was Isak, in front of him, telling him that maybe they could. Maybe they should. He’d never done it before. In the early stages of his and Mikael’s relationship, they’d fingered each other every now and again, but that was about it for things near or in Even’s ass. 

Honestly, the thought made him a little nervous. But, he wasn’t against it. Especially not with Isak, he would do anything with Isak. Do anything to Isak. Let Isak do anything to him. He trusted him completely. 

“Yeah, yeah, babe, of course,” Even blinked, shaking his head and then smiling at Isak. “I think that that could be fun. I’m always up for trying new things and well, I think it’s time for you to be one of my firsts since I’m literally all of yours. I don’t really know why I didn’t do that with Mikael. I think that maybe I was just too dominant and he was too passive. And, I mean, he didn’t have the biggest dick, so.” 

“Are you saying Mikael has a small dick?” Isak slapped Even’s shoulder but couldn’t help but laugh. “Even, you have got to stop talking about people’s junk.” 

“I didn’t say it was _small_ but, you know, relatively. You’re much bigger,” Even smirked. Truthfully, he didn’t know what an average dick size was, but anyone who had ever went down on him or slept with him told him he had a big dick. And, he didn’t think that Isak was _that far_ behind his own, but it was hard to compare. He tried not to, anyway. 

“I’m not sure how to respond to that,” Isak laughed and shook his head before picking his mini burger back up, “I’m glad I get to be one of your firsts, though. That sounds really nice.”

Even smiled and was going to reply when he saw his phone light up to the side of him. Ana texted back. He was still pretty curious about his parents fighting. So, he paused for a moment, picking it up and checking it out. 

****

**-Ana-**

_Honestly, I think it’s about you. 19:49_  
* 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO anyway, comments, kudos, please. Okieee love you byeeee.


	11. Bittersweet and Delicate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii, this story is all mapped out now, I'm bordering on probably 22 chapters, depending on how things work out when I'm typing it all out. 
> 
> Warnings for this chapter are that the Emma incident is brought back up and more sex okay thank you and goodnight

**~Sunday Morning~**

The next morning, Isak was being woken up with kisses to the side of his face and a gentle humming in his ear. Even was running his hand up and down his back as Isak laid on his stomach, obviously trying to be as soft as he could while waking Isak up. Probably because it was too early to be waking up. Isak could just feel it in the weight of his limbs and the way the sleep sat on his brain, telling him it would not be his choice to wake up right then. He couldn’t even bring himself to open up his eyes. His lids were too heavy.

“Uuurrghhh,” He groaned, finding the covers and pulling them up to his chin, trying to separate his own face from Even’s to tell him he needed to go back to sleep. Asap. No more kisses, just sleep.

“Come on, Isak, we have to get up,” Even said, pulling the blankets back again and then kissing his face some more. “Check out is in thirty minutes. So, we gotta get everything together and go.” 

“Why did you fuck me until three in the morning if you were going to wake me up this early?” Isak didn’t even know how early it was, but his body felt like he could sleep for hours upon hours more. So, too early. Too early for having fucked twice more the night before. Too early for having bottomed twice more the night before—which, okay, was his fault, Even offered both times to switch it up, but Isak was focused on learning. He wanted to feel like he knew what he was doing the first time he was on top, not to mention he kind of wanted to make it special for Even. 

Isak liked the fact that Even was almost all of his firsts, and it was exciting to finally be able to be one of Even’s. Even had even said something along those lines when they had the conversation. But, Even didn’t seem like it was a big deal, just another way to have sex, and he was already plenty experienced. And, Isak was certainly not. He had a lot to learn.

“Because you _wanted_ me to?” Even laughed a little and kissed the side of his face a couple more times and then ran his hand over Isak’s ass, squeezing it. Isak’s eyes shot open and he looked up at Even now. 

“Get away from my ass,” Isak swatted at him and started sitting up. 

“Well, that got you up!” Even laughed and then ran his hand back up Isak’s back, stopping at the back of his neck and giving it a couple of gentle squeezes in a sort of massage, “It’s not that early, like, ten thirty-ish. Why don’t you want me near your ass? Sore?” 

“Uh, jaaaa,” Isak rolled his eyes and then moved into Even’s lap, sitting sideways across his thighs with the blanket between them to ensure no funny business. Not that he didn’t necessarily want to get into some more funny business, he was just definitely sore from the muscles in his inner thighs to his ass. “I had a great time but I don’t think I could do that three times in one day again. It was a lot.” 

“We’ll see about that,” Even smiled as if he had just accepted some sort of challenge and then kissed his forehead a couple of times. Isak could tell how genuine the smile was, his eyes lighting up with it. Even was as happy as he was about taking the next step. Isak never felt so connected to someone, he thought that it hadn’t been straight-up fucking—well maybe at points during the second time around—but that it had been more like making love. There was just so much care and passion and colliding of persons and not just genitals. Like literally just becoming one person.

Fuck, Isak could probably write poetry about it and he sucked at creative writing. 

“Are we going to go home to confront your parents, or what?” That was why the second round had been more rough, more about letting off steam than anything. Isak didn’t mind helping Even settle his mind elsewhere, and it had definitely felt like he was fucking out his anger, using Isak's body and the pleasure as a distraction. Isak knew that his parents had started fighting initially about Even and his disorder, but he hadn’t realized that the fighting had gone on because of it. Usually they jumped topics, got irritated with things the other did all the time that suddenly got on their nerves, or just fought about stupid, ridiculous things that didn’t matter. 

But Ana had told Even his name had been thrown around more than a couple times. Fighting about _his_ decisions, about Isak’s being closer to him than them. Fighting over things that they didn’t really have the right to fight about without Even. That they shouldn’t have been fighting about anyway because it was _Even’s_ life, his decisions to make. So, Even was pissed and Isak was there to help him work it out. Mentally _and_ physically now.

“Nei, we probably should just avoid them again today,” Even shook his head and grabbed Isak’s chin, lifting it up and examining his neck. “We’re covered in hickeys and I don’t want to cause another sort of stupid-ass fight. We should probably stop home and shower though, right? We’ve got a few texts in the group chat from the boys about hanging out.” 

“Oh, yeah, I forgot about that,” Isak shook his head and and then pressed his forehead to Even’s looking him in the eyes. Isak was a little nervous about the whole ordeal and he was wondering if Even was, too. “Are you okay with it? I mean, we can tell them we’re busy if you think it’s going to be miserable. No one really knows where Jonas is going to jump next, so, maybe we just shouldn’t?” 

“No, no,” Even ran his hand through Isak’s hair, pushing it back with a smile and then pressing a couple more kisses across Isak’s face. “We should just do it. We can give him this last chance and then if it’s total shit, we’re done with him. Or, I guess I shouldn’t tell you who to hang out with, so I’ll be done with him, at least.” 

“ _We’ll_ be done with him.”

 

**~Sunday Afternoon~**

When they got home, it was eerily quiet. Even called out a “halla?” and got no response before kicking off his shoes, turning to Isak and shrugging a little. “Maybe they went to pick up Ana?” He suggested then the two walked out to the kitchen to see if there were any signs that they’d be back soon. Josefine would never leave dirty dishes in the sink unless she’d be back soon, and Martin was always reading something, he’d leave it right open to the page on the table if he was coming right back. There was none of that, but a simple note saying they were out getting groceries. Which, they totally could have just texted Even, and it was kind of weird that they didn’t.

“Well, if they’re shopping together, that’s probably a good sign, right?” Isak asked, raising an eyebrow at him. Truthfully, he was pretty sure it didn’t mean anything. If there was anything Even’s parents could do all the time, it was make sure they were providing for their family, fighting or not. 

“It’s mostly a good sign because now we get to take that shower together,” Even wiggled his eyebrows and then started pulling Isak down the hallway, stopping at the hall closet to grab towels before they headed into the bathroom. “And, don’t worry, I won’t go near your ass. But, you can go near mine,”

Even flicked his eyebrows at Isak and then closed the door behind them, locking it just in case someone came home. Isak couldn’t help but roll his eyes. Apparently giving Even sex once—okay, three times—was going to make him want it so much more. Isak wanted it, too, but he was more willing to space it out. Maybe they could stand not having sex until the night.

“We are not having sex where all of your family showers,” Isak shook his head. The last time he was in there, he thought maybe they’d go down on each other, but then after Even’s Dad interrupted, he couldn’t help but think of the fact that the rest of his family spent time naked in there, too. That was definitely a turn off, and definitely not something he was going to be able to stop thinking about. 

“I had a feeling you were going to say something like that,” Even shook his head and clicked his tongue a couple of times, apparently not surprised by Isak’s sensibilities. He undressed as well and then the both of them got into the shower, Even Immediately pulling Isak close to they could share the flow of the steaming water. He stared down at Isak with a smile as the water wet both of their hair, making it fall into their faces and stick to their heads. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” 

“Because your mind works in this adorable way and I just want to kiss the shit out of you because you’re so damn beautiful..your mind and your body..just so damn beautiful,” Even laughed and pushed his hair out of his face then pushed Isak’s back as well. He continued looking in his eyes with his smile that played on all of his features, all the way to his eyes, “And because I want to pamper you. Will you let me wash you?”

“You want to wash me?” Isak raised an eyebrow, pretty sure that sounded like it could get out of hand and result in the sexual activities he was trying to avoid. 

“Yes, your hair and your body,” Even reached for the shampoo, putting some on his hands and then slowly beginning to lather Isak’s scalp without Isak’s confirmation. Isak drooped at the touch, not minding it at all. Even’s fingers were always in his hair, always pushing it around, tickling his scalp, but now it was more of a massage as he lathered the shampoo through it slowly and gently. “This okay?” 

“Yes,” Isak laughed a little, looking up at him. “Don’t get it in my eyes, though. Can I was your hair?” 

“If you want to, but you don’t have to,” Even shrugged nonchalantly, but Isak reached for the soap anyway, putting some in his hands and then lathering up Even’s hair. Once it was effectively soapy, he pushed it up into a mohawk and smiled proudly. Even smirked down at him and raised his eyebrows. Isak was pretty sure Even expected nothing less than Isak styling his hair into some funny hairdo. Unfortunately, it was hard to make Even look funny, because he was so damn beautiful. 

“You’re not fair, you even look good with a mohawk,” Isak shook his head and let out an over dramatic sigh as he pouted, “You can rinse now.” 

“That’s funny, I was just thinking the same about you,” Even smiled and then leaned down, pressing a quick kiss to Isak’s lips before pulling them both back under the water to rinse out their hair. They rinsed it out, pressing their hands over each other’s heads to help cleanse out the suds and kissing more as they did. It was more like the kisses they usually had, passion slipping through their lips as they held each other close. Easily kissing without it turning sexual, even though they were completely naked. 

That was, until they started washing each other’s bodies. Then it became a little more sexual, and Isak had to try harder to control himself as Even’s hands slipped around all of his nooks and crannies. As his hands did the same, Even’s body being something he swore someone would sculpt one day. That it would be something that would be admired for centuries to come would be absolutely no surprise. And he was absolutely sure he wasn’t the only one who thought so. 

“You sure you don’t want to have sex?” Even asked as Isak accidentally let out sigh, his body shuddering slightly as Even’s hand swiped over his upper thigh. 

“I’m sure,” Isak said quietly and then looked him over. “I want it to be special for you, you know, when we switch it up.” 

“No, no,” Even shook his head and then pulled back more, hands on Isak’s sides and looking at him. “Let’s not do that, that’s a lot of pressure and waiting for both of us. I’m not saying don’t ever make sex special for me, because you better fucking do that at some point. Rose petals, music, candles, definitely all of that. But, not the first time doing _that._ ” 

“Are you nervous?” Isak asked, furrowing his eyebrows at Even. The last time he’d seen Even nervous about something like this was when he knew he was going to have his first makeout. He’d always been so confident in his sexual endeavors otherwise. Isak didn’t want to push him into something he didn’t want to do, though. 

“No.. well...Maybe a little, but I trust you,” Even smiled small and then pecked him on the lips. “Are you nervous?” 

“Maybe a little,” Isak repeated and then gave him a smile, “But, hearing that you trust me makes me feel a lot better. Are you sure you want to, though?”

“Yeah, of course, Isak,” Even smiled small and then put his hands on the sides of his face,holding it in place to look up at him. “Just because I’ve never done it doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about it. I’d absolutely love to try it with you, alright? I love you, so damn much.”

“I love you, too.” 

 

The two of them finished up showering, then Isak dragged Even back to his room and went down on him, feeling as though Even needed it—not mention, Isak wanted to. He wasn’t sure if it was hearing that Even was a little nervous or knowing that he trusted Isak despite those nerves, but it just made Isak feel so tender, made him want to give Even the world. So, he blew him and then left him panting on his bed as he went into his own room to change. When he came back into the room, Even was still lying there, completely naked. 

“Come one babe, you have to get dressed,” Isak said with a laugh, walking over to him and then getting on him to straddle his waist. He looked into his eyes, making sure he was okay, “Why haven’t you moved?” 

“We usually kiss and cuddle after something like that and you just left me here, missing you,” Even pouted a little, but Isak could hear the bit of teasing in his voice, see the edge of the smirk he was trying to hold back. Trying to make Isak feel bad and cuddle him into oblivion. If that’s what he wanted, then fine, Isak definitely wasn’t going to object. 

“Oh, well,” Isak shook his head and then slapped the back of his own hand as if punishing himself, “I am just a terrible human being, aren’t I?” He moved to lie next to him now, immediately pulling the naked boy into his arms, feeling Even shrink underneath his touch to fit there perfectly. 

“Much better,” Even said and kissed Isak’s chest over his shirt a couple times. The two of them cuddled like that for a while, maybe even a few hours, Isak didn’t really know because he slipped back to sleep, and he was pretty sure Even did, too. He only woke up again when Even slowly moved out beneath him, trying to be gentle as to not wake him, but not being able to do so effectively. Isak just opened his eyes and watched him get dressed, wondering if the cuddles had been a ploy to actually help Isak grab those extra hours of the sleep he wanted and probably needed. Sneaky, but something that made Isak smile wide, immediately knowing that that was exactly what it was.

“Thank you,” Isak said from where he was laying. Even was zipping up his jeans and he turned around to look at him, his eyebrows shooting up onto his forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Even smiled and then pulled on a white shirt and his jean jacket before walking over to the bed and offering Isak his hand to help him up. “We should probably head over to Jonas’ house. He sent the address in the group chat. They're wondering where we are.”

“Mmkay,” Isak said, still a little groggy and waking up, but taking Even’s hand and letting him help him up out of bed, anyway. They kissed briefly then started heading for the door and Even slapped his ass, actually kind of hard, making Isak jump as he opened the door to the room. “Hey! What was that for?”

“For leaving me like that, duh,” Even laughed and then walked passed him, calling out behind him, “It had nothing to do with your cute ass, or helping you wake up, and it certainly wasn’t because I wanted to!” Isak laughed and shook his head as he followed his long strides back to the front door. Even was going to absolutely be the death of him, and he really didn’t mind that thought. Not at all. 

 

 **~Sunday Evening~**  
*  
Even’s parents had been coming through the door just as Isak and Even were leaving. No grocery bags in their hands, but his Mom was bickering about how his Dad drove. How obviously she was going to have to teach Ana how to drive when the time came because he was apparently a _maniac_ , which Even didn’t agree with, his Dad being the one who taught him. But, whatever, he just pulled Isak out of the house and said they’d be back later before he could snap on them and his Mom could accuse him of having another episode. 

They got to Jonas’, knocked on the door and waited a few moments, wrapping their arms around each other and stealing a few kisses as they waited. When the door finally swung open, Even had a hand gripping the back of Isak’s neck and Isak was licking his tongue along Even’s bottom lip. A few kisses having became a makeout session because, well, Even wasn’t sure how much he was going to be able to kiss Isak around the boys. And he really just wanted to get in what he could before then.

“Ehm,” Jonas cleared his throat, causing the boys to pull apart and look at him. “Halla, come in.” 

Even looked to Isak, who was a little red and then nodded at Jonas, walking in past him and pulling Isak by the hand. “Halla,” he said, walking through the hallway and kicking off his shoes where he saw a couple of others on the floor. Jonas led them into the living room where the boys were and immediately gave them both a beer. 

“Now that’s what I call hospitality,” Even said with a smile, sitting down next to Magnus on the couch then pulling Isak into his lap. “Thanks, Jonas.” 

“We were starting to think you wouldn’t show up,” Magnus said and then reached up, poking a spot on the side of Isak’s neck and then looking at Even. “Jesus, you two really went wild on each other. That why you’re late?” 

“Nei,” Isak said, smiling proudly and then moving his arm around Even’s neck as he sat more sideways in his lap more to look at Magnus. “We got a hotel room yesterday and went wild on each other _there_.” He laughed a little and pressed a kiss to Even’s cheek. Apparently now that they actually had a sex life, Isak was more happy and willing to talk about it. 

“Wow, that’s like, the most detail we’ve ever gotten out of you,” Jonas pointed out, speaking Even’s thoughts, then took a big gulp of his drink. 

“Yeah, finally Evak owning their shit,” Magnus said and pushed Even a little, “So, do we get any more details or should I tell you my news.” 

“Feel lucky that you got _that_ out of him,” Even shook his head and then clung his beer against Isak’s before cracking it open and taking a sip out of it. Isak popped his open at the same time and gave him a beautiful smile of his own. “What’s your news Mags? How’d the big romantic date go? Did you pop the boyfriend question?”

“YES,” Magnus practically screamed, even though were sitting right next to him, practically blowing Even’s eardrum with the sudden outburst. “You should have seen me, I was so smooth, like your typical fucking awesome Romeo. Better than Romeo, I’m telling you. I’ve never been so smooth.” 

“Oh yeah?” Even raised an eyebrow and looked at him incredulously, he couldn’t exactly see Magnus being smooth, being a _Romeo_ —definitely not DiCaprio’s Romeo. “How so?”

“Vilde and I were at the end of the date and I was walking her home, right?” Magnus began, “And man, at this point, I had already pulled out all the stops, she was right swept off her feet with flowers and chocolates and a big fancy dinner with a fucking string quartet playing her favorite songs. Like, I literally _did that_ , I’m not even fucking exaggerating. And, so we’re just chatting on our way home, she’s totally swooning and shit and I trip and fall on purpose, right? So, when she comes over to me she’s like:” he pitched his voice up and pretended to be Vilde, “Oh my goodness, Magnus, are you alright?? And I’m like:” and then back down, more manly than he actually sounded, “Yeah, baby, I’ve just fallen for you and I can’t get up...unless you agree to be my girlfriend.” 

“And that actually got her?” Isak shook his head as the rest of the boys laughed. “Jeez, obviously you guys are a match. I don’t think any other girl in the world would have found that...particularly smooth.”

They boys laughed some more as Isak and Magnus bickered at each other. _Does Isak even know anything about girls_? and then _Yeah, more have gone down on him than you_. Eventually after all the banter, they started up a game of FIFA while Mahdi rolled up a couple joints and Magnus went on about how great the fucking was after Vilde said yes. Even focused in and out of it—not really wanting to picture Magnus like that—while he finished up his first beer. 

“So, what about you two?” Isak asked, looking at Mahdi as Jonas and Magnus started up the first round of the game. “You went to that party with that girl you’re doing the project with, right? Did you figure out if she is into you?” 

“Oh, she’s _totally_ into him,” Jonas said, keeping his eyes focused on the screen as he talked, “Mahdi’s playing hard to get right now and she's falling all over him.”

“Hard to get?” Even asked curiously. Mahdi wasn’t ever really one to get girlfriends, he hooked up a lot at parties, sometimes with the same girl a few times, but he wasn’t really ever fond enough to pursue anything further. The thing was, though, that he talked about this girl a lot and Even thought that _she_ was the one playing hard to get and maybe that was why Mahdi wanted her so bad. 

“Well,” Mahdi lit up a joint and took a few hits, reaching behind Jonas and Magnus’ heads to pass it to Even, who took it and handed it to Isak. “I mean, not exactly hard to get. We made out a little but I cut her off. I’m leaving her wanting more. Jonas said I should just jump in while I could but no, I’m looking for the slow burn with this girl. She's too damn fine.” 

“Is she special, or something?” Isak asked, then took a few puffs of the joint, blowing them up at the ceiling and then reaching back behind the two boys to hand it back to Mahdi. 

“Don’t know yet,” Mahdi shrugged, taking the joint back and ashing it out, “probably not, but I figure that it’ll be more satisfying if I make her want me more.” 

Even couldn’t help but roll his eyes. He wasn’t going to say anything, he already lectured the boys and the group enough recently to have to go over this again. If Mahdi wanted to get burned trying to slow burn this girl, so be it. Even though Even was pretty damn sure that she was probably something special, he’d let Mahdi figure it out on his own—he had mainly talked sense into Magnus for Vilde’s sake anyway. Seeing as she had told them she wanted to be his girlfriend, and he knew Magnus was head-over-heels for her, it seemed to make sense at the time. On top of being irritable in general, anway, that was why he did it. He wasn’t going to get like that today.

After the first game was finished, Mahdi and Magnus started playing. Jonas and Isak passed around a joint now and Even took a tiny little hit from it before asking Jonas where the beer was kept. Which, was how the two of them ended up alone in the kitchen together. Isak was probably on edge, keeping his ear out for the sounds of a fight, but everything seemed pretty chill. 

“Hey, Even,” Jonas said quietly, looking over Even’s shoulder through the doorway as he passed him a couple of beers for the boys. “Can I talk to you about something?”

“Yeah? Sure, uh, is it about Isak, though? Because, then maybe not.”

“No, no, not about Isak,“ He paused and then shook his head, “Well, I mean, actually, kind of? But, not in that way or anything. I just..do you think that Isak’s far enough over Emma that it’d be okay if I started hooking up with her? I mean, I realize he was never really into her, but I know he was shaken up by her and so, I don’t know. She gave me her number last night and, fuck, she’s so hot.”

“Ah, fuck,” Even set down the beer and scratched the back of his neck, looking down at the floor. Would it technically be right or wrong to warn Jonas about Emma? On one hand, Isak had wanted it to be a secret, didn’t want people to think any less of him, but on the other...Well, wasn’t she technically a type of rapist? Maybe psycho enough to fuck with Jonas too? “I, uh, I think maybe you should hold off on that. Talk to Isak about it first.”

“Like, today?”

“Well, I think you probably want to clear the air with everything else, first,” Even shook his head, not exactly wanting to tell Jonas not to go for someone else. He’d rather him be distracted by everyone else than by Isak, but holding off on it until Isak could tell him about Emma was probably the best idea. At least then he could make his decision with that in mind. _If_ Isak would tell him, anyway. “But, if you don’t wait to talk to him, just be careful with her.” 

“Okay…” Jonas said slowly, obviously as off put by the idea of Even looking out for him as Even was by himself. “Okay, thanks for the heads up, then.”  
*

They were well into their third round of beers and fourth joint and Isak was feeling pretty damn good. He was back in Even’s lap, having lost his round of FIFA, and kissing the side of his face over and over and over. The conversation had dwindled as Magnus got lost texting Vilde and Mahdi and Jonas finished off what was probably going to be the last round of FIFA—they were all getting to that point of fucked up where they kept getting distracted by other things, their techniques were getting sloppy and the game started to get aggravating. 

“Babe,” Even pushed Isak back a little and raised an eyebrow at him. Okay, maybe Isak was getting a little touchy, but he couldn’t help with all the high feelings the substances were giving him. It made him want to fuck like this. “Seriously, we don’t want to give Magnus a show.” 

“None of us want a show!” Mahdi said, pausing the game in frustration and setting the controller down. “I give up, Jonas, you win, congratulations. Your prize is an Even and Isak sex show. Oh, or...maybe I shouldn’t have said that?” 

“Fuck, that’s right,” Magnus snapped his fingers then looked at Jonas then back at Isak, “You two have fucked. Fuck, Jonas, is this awkward for you? Want me to pull them apart?”

“We did not _fuck_ ,” Isak groaned a little and then tucked his head into Even’s neck. He didn’t know that the boys had thought they’d done _that_. He actually had no idea what the boys thought, had almost forgotten that they had known at all. 

“We kissed a couple of times and he went down on me _once_ , ” Jonas said, making Isak groan some more. He didn’t need the boys picturing him eating dick, thank you, “Oh relax, obviously they know you suck dick, besides, you’re good at it, own it. They should be jealous they don’t get the experience. You know, boys, a guy really knows what another guy wants.” Jonas was a little slurry with his words, his eyes barely opened from the cross of the weed and the booze. Isak wondered if he’d say this shit sober or not.

“So, what are you then, Jonas?” Magnus asked, “We know that Isak is gay, and Even is...pansexual, I think it was. But how about you?”

“I’m a free spirit,” Jonas shrugged and then downed the rest of his beer, “I don’t really want to be tied down to anyone or any one gender. Let’s not label it, I kind of hate labels right now.” 

“You know, that was the exact hipster shit I was expecting,” Isak laughed, throwing his head back onto Even’s shoulder and rolling it there a few times as he looked up at the ceiling. “Jonas, you’re like, so cool. I love the way your brain works, honestly. I’m sorry I fucked up you and Eva. It wasn’t because I _want_ you or anything, I’ve got Even. I just wanted to help.” He rolled his head to the side now and pressed a few kisses to Even’s neck. 

“Seriously, Jonas, I can pull them apart,” Magnus said, poking Isak’s side and making him gasp and jump a little. 

“Nei, it’s fine,” Jonas smiled a little, “I’m over it. Isak, you’re super cool, too. And, I think that it was hard for me to get over you at first because of that but, fuck. Even told me that _he_ was your first kiss and when he told me that?” Jonas put his hands on the side of his head and made an explosion sound as he popped them away, “it’s exactly what you wanted. I could never even think of getting in the way of that and I’m sorry that I already kind of did.”

“Whaaat? Even wasn’t Isak’s first kiss,” Magnus shook his head and looked to Mahdi curiously, “It was that one girl.. Remember? What was her name?”

“Amalie?”

“Amalie! Dude, she was the hottest girl in class, how could I forget,” Magnus face-palmed and then shook his head, looking at Isak. “You don’t remember that?”

“I remember that,” Isak rolled his eyes, not wanting to think about the fact that Amalie had apparently been the hottest girl in class. They were like, ten or something, how could Magnus even say that? The substances, probably. He’d just ignore it. “But, that wasn’t my first kiss. Even kissed me before that but we didn’t tell anyone...and then I told Jonas that I wished I had snatched up the first person I kissed. That I regretted not making him mine.” 

“And then you did,” Jonas said, pointing at Isak and Even’s lap. 

“And then he did,” Even said back, looking at Isak with a smile and then kissing him on the lips. 

“He’s the hottest in his class, too,” Isak said happily as he pulled back and nuzzled their noses together. 

“Holy. Fuck.” Magnus said, shaking his head with his eyes wide. “This is fucking...We’re in a movie, aren’t we? Where are the cameras?”

 

**~Monday Morning~**

Even and Isak walked into Isak’s biology classroom with their hands clasped and swinging between them. Isak was shocked to see Sana was already there, usually he waited for her out front or she strolled in after he and Even were perched against the counter by the window, making out. As of recently it was more than likely the former, because Isak didn’t want to let go of Even for classes at a time and wanted to savor those lips as long as he could. He would always have that blue rock in his pocket to squeeze, but the touch of Even’s lips would always be missed when he was gone.

As they walked behind Sana to go to the window sill, Isak noticed the Facebook page she was opened up to and immediately nudged Even and pointed it out to him. Yousef Acar. She was stalking his page, his photos, and by the looks of it they weren’t even friends. 

“You should add him,” Even said nonchalantly as he leaned over her shoulder, putting a hand on the desk. She jumped and went to shut her laptop, but stopped herself as if realizing it was too late, she had been caught. “Yousef is a totally chill Facebook friend.”

“You don’t even have Facebook,” Sana said matter-of-factly, pushing the laptop back and looking up at him. “So I can’t really take your word for it. Besides, all of Elias’ friends, including you, are annoying. Online and off.”

“Ouch, Even stood up and put a hand to his heart, dramatically stumbling back, “and here I am, always standing up for you. Telling Yousef how amazing and mature and totally badass you are. But, fine, I can stop that and let you continue admiring from afar.” 

“Sana, admiring?” Isak gasped dramatically and stood on the other side of Sana, giving Even a smirk then looked at the Facebook page and clicked his tongue. “I thought I’d never see the day. But now that I think of it, that was some _pretty_ obvious and heavy flirting on Friday night.” 

“Valtersen, I swear to God, if you jump in on this I _will_ stab you with that pencil,” Sana gave him the evil eyed sneer and crossed her arms over her chest. “I am _not_ admiring anyone. Especially not Yousef or any of Elias’ friends. I can do waaaay better than any of them. When the day comes. But not today.” 

“Fine, we’ll leave you alone in your denial,” Even smirked at Isak and then walked around her, taking him by the hips before backing him up to the counter. He lifted him up on top of it then looked back at Sana, “If you need us, we’ll be over here, taking a chance at love.” Isak laughed and as Even turned back to him, he caught his lips between his, not wasting anymore time they had together before classes started. 

 

 **~Monday Afternoon~**  
*  
“Alright, I’m sorry, I can’t take this any more,” Even handed the guitar back to Ana and shook his head. “I’m just going to talk to them and tell them that if they’re fighting about me, they’re going to have to fucking deal with me. Just practice what I’ve taught you.”

“Do you need me to come with you, babe?” Isak looked up from the biology book he was reading on the couch, an eyebrow pressed up curiously. Even wanted to say yes, that he always wanted Isak by his side, would always take him into battle with him. But he figured this would be easier on his own. That way his parents knew that this was coming from him, that it wasn’t something he and Isak thought up together to try to get them to shut up. 

“Nei, do your homework so I can have you to myself later,” Even smiled a little as he stood up and pecked Isak’s lips a couple of times. “I might need to de-stress.” 

“Okay, _ewwww,_ you guys really need to stop doing that in front of me,” Ana said, scrunching up her nose and looking between the two boys. “I’m like, never going to be able to kiss a boy because that’s just going to be in my head and gross.”

“Good, never kiss a boy,” Even smiled and gave her a wink before heading out into the kitchen, where his parents were bickering and beginning to pull things together for cooking. How they could fight and work together all at the same time was beyond him. When he used to fight with Mikael, he wanted to be as far away from him as possible. Maybe that was the difference with living with your significant other; you couldn’t run away because they were in your bed every night. 

Would he and Isak be like this if they fought? He didn’t think he could hold any grudge against Isak for more than a minute, his lips would distract him and he looked so damn sexy when he was angry. He couldn’t not pull him close when he found him so damn appealing. They’d probably end up angry fucking. 

Okay. Okay. Not what he should have been thinking about. 

“I swear, if you burn that sauce again, Martin—”

“Mom, Dad,” Even announced himself loudly as he entered the room, making both of them turn around from where they were perched. His Dad was at the stove, stirring some sauce and his Mom was pulling out spices from the cabinet. His Mom looked over at Martin as soon as he took his eyes off the sauce. 

“Martin don’t—”

“I’ll take care of that,” Even said and strode over to the stove, turning off the burner and then motioning towards the table. He was going to take the role of the adult, act like they did to him when he was in trouble. They basically were. They started fighting over Even and apparently some nonsense about Isak knowing when he was having an episode. And that was bullshit. “Sit, we need to talk.” 

“What, are we in trouble?” Josefine asked as she took her seat, Martin taking his at the end of the table as he looked over his glasses at Even. 

“You guys have been fighting since, what? Friday morning?” Even raised a brow and crossed his arms over his chest, using his stern voice, the one he used while scolding the squad about Isak, the one he used when telling Magnus to tie Vilde down. “I think that’s enough. I don’t need to hear it, Isak doesn’t need to hear it, and Ana does not fucking need to hear it. And, what are you fighting about? Me? You’re fighting about me? Well then fight with _ME_ not each other. Because, fuck, I’m not about to sit around and let you destroy each other over my choices, my life.”

“Language, Even,” Martin said, adjusting his glasses and sitting back in his chair. “Besides, We’re your parents, so what you do with your life affects us, too”

“What does it affect? Your image as parents or some shit?” Even never really took the _language_ warning. It always made him just want to swear more. They were his words to pick and choose. “No, no, no. You have to stop.” 

“We’re working on it, Even, but actually, we need you,” Josefine cleared her throat, looked over at Martin with a thoughtful look in her eye before looking back at Even. “We...have a therapist that we see when things get this way. Sort of a couples counseling because we both get so stubborn. But, you’re right, since this is about you and your choices and your life...Well, we want you to come with us for our next session. Dr. Poulsen thinks it would be a good idea. Your _father_ thinks it’s a bad idea, but I think that if he can talk some sense into you…”

“Sense into me?” Even almost shouted as he asked, gripping his hands on the back of a chair and looking over at his parents. They were seeing a couples counselor? A therapist of some kind to keep their marriage together? That sounded like the most fake display of love he could think of. Who needed someone else to help keep them together if they loved each other? And now this person, this _doctor_ apparently wanted to talk to him, too? As if he could change Even’s mind on his choices he’s made about his disorder? No. 

“That’s not what he wants to do, Josefine,” Martin scolded and then looked up at Even. “He just wants to talk to you about your choices to help us to understand them better, so we can stop fighting over which of us is doing this right, is all. I didn’t want you to come because I didn’t think you needed to know about the counseling. You know your mother and I love each other very much and that’s why we do this. We don’t want to be ruined by these stupid fights.”

“Why the hell don’t you just look at her and say that, then?” Even felt like throwing a tantrum, felt like throwing the chair he was gripping then walking over to the stove and dumping out that entire pot of sauce. Fuck all of this. “You’re supposed to be able to love each other for who you are. Yeah, fuck, she’s controlling and you’re passive, but don’t you like that about each other?”

“Even, it’s not like how you’re thinking about it, honestly,” Josefine said, being calmer now, as if noticing Even’s change in attitude, “Just come with us and maybe you’ll understand a little bit more as to why we do this. We have an appointment Thursday afternoon.”

“Can Isak come?” 

“He’ll need to stay here with Ana,” Martin told him. 

“Fine, whatever,” Even sighed and then went to turn before thinking up one last thing to say. “But, seriously, if this is fucking miserable, I’m done. I’m leaving. With Isak. You can’t fight over my decisions if I don’t live here anymore and that’s not a threat. It’s a promise.”  
*

**~Tuesday Morning~**

When Even stormed through the living room and went into his room, Isak told Ana to keep the guitar for the night and continue practicing on her own in her room. Obviously Even wasn’t going to be back to continue their lesson. Isak had tried to listen to the conversation he had with his parents, but he couldn’t catch much over Ana on the guitar. Just little things when Even raised his voice. So, Isak went into his room with him, they talked a little about it, then turned on some music and got busy. 

“Are you sure you’re fine?” Isak asked between kisses as they sat by the window in his biology classroom. He was still worried about what might be going through Even’s mind. When he first was diagnosed, he’d seen a few different therapists and counselors, but he hated all of it, and Isak didn’t blame him. Isak didn’t like the idea of talking to other people about his problems either, that’s why he talked to Even instead. It was just that Even didn’t need skills or training to just listen to Isak and be there for him. Isak didn’t necessarily have what Even needed; he did his research, sure, but Isak agreed with his Mom on this one, thought it would have been better if Even kept trying different therapists for the right match. 

But, the point was that Even was against it. Against letting someone into his personal life like that. So, finding out that that was exactly what his parents were doing with their relationship had him more on edge than usual. Made Even worry about the two of them together, about what was real and what was fake. If there was anything Even hated, it was people who didn’t live real.

“Yes, baby,” Even said, dipping down and kissing at Isak’s neck a little, “I’ll be fine. I’ll just miss you until lunch.” 

“I can walk you from class to class, if you want,” Isak offered. It’d be out of his way, but he wouldn’t mind, anything for Even. 

“Nei, Isak, I’ll be _fine_ , besides, I wouldn’t want to make you late for your classes,” Even smiled small and then kissed up his jaw and then the side of his face. Keeping his lips busy all over Isak’s exposed skin. “But let’s eat lunch alone, yeah?” 

“Yeah, of course,” Isak smiled and then kissed his lips again, promptly deciding that he didn’t care, he was going to walk him from class to class. Isak gripped onto the hair on the back of his head and kissed him deeper for just a few moments before pulling away and then moving his lips to his ear, “I’ll always be here for you.” 

He kissed his ear lobe and then looked up, noticing as Sana walked into the room, taking her seat and raising her eyebrows at the two boys. Her eyes telling him that she was not surprised to see them all over each other like that, but still somehow not so happy with the over affectionate PDA. _Too cute_ she once said, it made her want to throw up. 

“Oh, don’t give me that look, _Sana_ ,” Isak said, pulling back and moving his hands to Even’s waist as he looked over his shoulder. “Your obvious flirting with Yousef is worse than this.” 

“Not even close,” She squinted her eyes and set her stuff down at their desk. Even turned around in his arms, resting against Isak’s chest and looking at Sana as she went on. “You two are going to meet the rest of us after school, right? I had Noora and Eva talk over the weekend, so I think they’re better. So, that just leaves you and Eva, Eva and Jonas, and you and Jonas.”

“Strike Jonas and I, we’re totally chill now,” Isak shrugged. The guys day had been a lot more cathartic than he had expected. Just last week he’d been thinking that he and Jonas were never going to be able to hang out again, that it was all totally ruined. But, Jonas was just so chill about everything, a _free spirit_ , and to hear that he was supporting Even and Isak because it was what Isak had always wanted...Fuck, it was literally just, the greatest thing he could’ve heard at that time. Maybe because he had been drunk, but still, it made him happy thinking about it even now.

“Alright, well, have you thought of what you’re going to say to Eva, then?” 

“Well, if she’s forgiven Noora, shouldn’t she have no problems with forgiving me?” Isak raised a brow, tightening his grip around Even’s waist. Even rolled his head back onto Isak’s shoulder as he did, kissing Isak’s neck as if in support. 

“Different motives, Isak,” Sana shrugged raising her eyebrows knowingly, “So, there are different things to forgive, especially in Eva’s mind.” 

“Nei? Noora and I had the same motives?” 

“Like I said, not in Eva’s mind,” Sana shook her head and then opened up her laptop, now focusing her attention to whatever was on the screen. 

“Okay, Sana, I’ll think about what I’m going to say,” Isak rolled his eyes and then Even turned back around to face him, Isak calling once more over his shoulder before they started kissing again, “You can go back to cyber stalking Yousef now.” 

 

**~Tuesday Afternoon~**

“Are you sure you don’t want to just go home and be alone?” Isak asked as they walked out of the school together. Isak rushed after his classes got out to make sure to walk Even to his own all day, trying to make sure to be there for him the ways that Even was always there for Isak. They spent lunch alone together and he distracted him with stories of past feelings for him and kisses. Lots of kisses. But, he could still tell that Even’s mind was eating at him. It probably would be until this appointment he had with his parents counselor. 

He just hoped it wasn’t enough to set him off. Isak was worried, and tried his best to keep Even’s brain from going to that place. Anything he could do to keep his brain from going to that place, he would do, try, make happen. But it wasn't like he could actually stop an episode from happening. 

“For the millionth time, I’ll be okay, Isak,” Even rolled his eyes and wrapped his arm around him. “You’re not getting out of this confrontation with Eva, as much as you may want to.” Isak sighed. It was just like Even to make this about Isak. Anything to keep the focus off of him. They walked over to the table together, sitting down next to Chris and Sana on the bench. 

“Halla boys,” Chris said with a smile, “We should spend more time together like we did on Friday.”

“Oh yeah, so Chris can ask more about your dicks,” Sana rolled her eyes and bumped shoulders with the girl. Chris laughed and shrugged. 

“Yeah, Chris, thanks a lot for throwing me under the bus!” Even said bumping his own shoulder with Chris’. He laughed as he went on, “Jeez, when I talk about my boyfriend’s dick it should stay between us. How dare you tell Isak.” 

“Well, I just wanted to complete the picture in my head. I had to tell him what you told me so I could find out about you,” She joked, or at least Isak hoped she was joking. She laughed, and so did Even so Isak just went with it, laughing too.

Magnus, Vilde, Noora and Eva were the next to saunter over to the table, Magnus and Vilde holding hands as they sat across from Chris and Sana. Noora and Eva were chatting quietly, their eyes avoiding the other side of the table as they sat down. Isak was kind of angry that Eva still had thoughts about Isak going on in her head that weren’t true. Thoughts that were bad enough to make her avoid his eye contact, ignore him in the halls, and still not respond to a single one of his messages. 

“Eva,” Isak spoke up, mustering up as much confidence as he could. He talked it over with Even a little bit, what he might say, but they were both in agreement that Eva was officially further in the wrong than he was. Especially if she was forgiving Noora and still not Isak. What the fuck was that about? “Listen, I’m sorry for scheming, and I’m sorry for pulling Ingrid into the mix. I didn’t know that Jonas was going to actually go for her. In front of you. It’s not like… I wasn’t like _trying_ to hurt you. I was trying to protect you because I didn’t think Jonas would ever commit and so I—I guess it was the wrong way but still, I was just looking out for you. And I think that should count for something.” 

“Isak, yeah, I get it, it’s fine,” Eva sighed and ran a hand through her hair, “I’m actually really sorry that I freaked out on you. That’s why I’ve been avoiding you so much, I haven’t really been able to face myself. I’ve been upset with you for a while, like, ever since you dated Ingrid and I’m pretty sure I’ve just been looking for an excuse to be mad at you again. So, to find out about all this scheming after everything happened between you and Jonas? It kind of felt like my ticket.” 

“But, then she and I had a wine night on Saturday,” Noora explained, wrapping her arms around Eva and smiling, “And we talked everything out, all the feelings, all the anger and I think that there won’t be anymore of that.” 

“Yeah, guys, I totally got Noora _drunk_ , isn’t it a miracle?” Eva laughed and wrapped her arms around Noora too, shaking her a little before they both dropped their arms back to their sides. “But, yeah, anyway, I’m sorry. I wasn’t even just mad at you, I was mad at myself too, because I never make any of the moves I want to make, and then I miss out. Like, why didn’t I just ask Jonas to be exclusive? Fuck, I don’t know. Whatever. Life’s too short to stay mad.” 

“All you needed was a cozy wine night with _Noora_?” Even asked, Isak looking to the side of him and wondering where he was going with this. “Fuck, Eva, what’d she do to make you so happy, huh?” 

 

 **~Tuesday Evening~**  
*  
“They did not fuck,” Isak disagreed, they were laying in bed after dinner and Even was just trying to keep his mind off of things. His parents were trying not to fight for their sake, for Ana’s sake, but there was still tension in the air. Or at least Even felt like there was tension. Talking to Isak about Noora and Eva seemed like the perfect way to get his mind off of it. It felt so obvious the way they talked after school and okay, he wasn't actually completely sure, but still.

“They totally did,” Even looked at him, turning on his side and running a hand through Isak’s hair, “think about it. Eva has been a complete bitch for like, weeks now, and then suddenly she spends a night getting drunk with Noora and everything is just suddenly peachy? Nei, Noora fucked some good feelings into her.” 

“Alright, that’s it, you’re officially too obsessed with this, Ev,” Isak rolled his eyes at him, turning on his side and then running a hand up Even’s side. “Even if they did, it’s none of our business until they tell us so.”

“Yeah, but they totally did,” Even leaned in and kissed his lips once then twice, then Isak reached up and grabbed onto the hair on the back of his head, pulling him in for a longer kiss. Even loved the kisses, loved Isak’s distractions, but his mind was still in questioning. In wonder over everything when he wasn’t verbally distracting himself with something else. He wanted to talk to Isak about it, but he was afraid. His parents needed help when they fought or who knows what would happen? Isak and Even rarely fought but what would happen now if they did?

“You’re totally distracted,” Isak said, pulling away and pressing his forehead to Even’s. “If it’s because you’re thinking about Noora and Eva fucking, I’m going to hit you. Don’t think about them when I’m right here.” 

“I’m not thinking about Noora and Eva,” Even said and rolled his eyes, "and despite what you think, thinking about that doesn't turn me on. Doesn't get me going the way you do."

“Okay, sorry,” Isak said quietly then ran his hand down Even’s back. He watched Even’s eyes for a few moments, going on gently. “Are you thinking about your parents? Because, I know you keep saying you’re fine, but it’s okay not to be fine, babe. I want to be able to talk to you about it, I want to help in any way that I can, you know. You’ve been here for me, let me be here for you.” 

“Promise me that when we fight, that we can handle it between ourselves, that we don’t act like this,” Even sighed a little, moving to tangle their legs up so he could be closer to Isak. He knew that they didn’t fight about anything, ever, and when they did, it wasn’t something so big, just stupid little things. But what would happen when they had to deal with money? Maybe even kids? Could they handle it then?

“Even, you know we don’t have to be like either one of our parents, right?” Isak pushed his hand up the back of his shirt and rubbed the skin on his back gently. “We can be our own couple, this is our relationship and we’ll do the things the way we want. I think that, that’s what we should focus on. Your parents fight, but seriously, when was the last time we fought and it lasted more than five minutes? Or was even serious at all?”

“It was that time I took your shirt,” Even said, remembering it immediately. “Four years ago, maybe?”

Even thought back, he was going through his clothes, picking out things he didn’t want anymore to give away to the less fortunate—or to Isak if he wanted them. Isak was sitting on his bed, watching him raid his closet, tossing things aside he didn’t like when Even pulled out one of Isak’s shirts that he had borrowed and never given back. It was an oversized band shirt. Nirvana or something. Neither of them listened to the band, but it was comfortable and they liked the design on it. He immediately said he’d keep it. 

“Hey, that’s my shirt,” Isak said, standing up and grabbing it out of his hands. “I can’t believe you stole it.”

“No, it’s my shirt,” Even said, grabbing it back. Isak hadn’t had it in months, hadn’t said a word about it, but suddenly then he wanted it? No, Even wanted to have it. “I think there’s a rule, if you haven’t worn it in the past month, you don’t want it.” 

“No!” Isak grabbed it back, but this time Even held on to it, causing them to break out into a little tug of war over it, “Seriously, Even, give it back! You’re going to stretch it out.”

“Fine,” Even said, letting go of it, making Isak fall back on his ass. Even laughed and shook his head. 

“Why are you such a jerk?” Isak asked, getting up off the ground and shoving Even back into his closet. 

“Why are you so damn sensitive?” Even asked, suddenly getting mad over Isak’s dramatics. God, it was just a shirt, he didn’t see the point of shoving him over it. “Seriously, stop being a fucking baby, Isak.” He liked Isak back then, too, but this was around the time where he was undiagnosed but having a lot of symptoms. He found himself constantly irritated with his feelings for Isak and always thought it’d be better to fight with him than feel them. So, he was kind of a jerk. 

“I am not sensitive!” Isak yelled, looking at him and crossing his arms in such a sassy demeanor as he stood his ground. Looking back, Even knew that calling him sensitive was probably not the best thing to tell a closeted thirteen-year-old with a masculinity complex, but it was the past, nothing he could do about it now—except apologize, which he had already done a ton of. “You’re just an asshole, Even. Especially lately, like, honestly what’s crawled up your ass? Suddenly you’re into dudes and that makes you mean to me?”

“Was that a gay slur?” Even was still sensitive about coming out, and everything kind of felt like an insult at that point. He shoved Isak back now, and then it turned into an all out wrestling match, no throwing fists, just yelling and rolling around on the floor over each other until his Dad overheard and came in to break it up. 

Martin took Isak home and he and Even fought for a couple more days until Even talked to him about why he was an asshole. Well, he didn’t tell him the whole truth, being way too afraid to tell him he had feelings for him then and not knowing the bipolar side of the issue. But, he told him about how he was feeling kind of attacked lately, that he was irritable over what he thought people were thinking about him now that he was out. Isak hugged him and told him that he wouldn’t ever think any less of him, that he liked him just the same and he didn’t care if he liked guys. 

“I still have that shirt, you know,” Isak said quietly, kissing the side of Even’s face and then the side of his lips, “It finally fits me right but I don’t think I’d be caught dead in it now.” 

“What happens when it’s over more serious stuff, though, Isak?”

“Then,” Isak paused for a moment, letting himself think about it a little, “then we’ll just take everything one day at a time, one hour at a time...Minute by minute if we have to. But, we’ll do it our way, not your parents way, but our way. Where we talk and even if in the next minute we’re still mad? Then we’ll take it to the next minute and the next and then we’ll figure it out eventually. I’m not worried.”

 

**~Wednesday Lunch~**

Even sat at lunch with Isak resting back on his chest, sideways in his own seat and feeding Even a grape every now and then. It was probably then that they were starting to get to that point where they were getting on everyone’s nerves—shoving their relationship in everyone’s faces. They were always doing ridiculously cute things like that at this point and neither of them really knew how to stop. Even knew that, yes, they needed other people, too, but he was almost positive that he could deal with just him and Isak. It may be a challenge, but he was pretty certain. They just worked together so well. They could always just take things minute by minute.

“You should just invite her to one of our pregames,” Isak was telling Mahdi—they’d been talking about his chick again, about how none of them even knew her name or what she looked like besides Jonas. The whole group was starting to get curious because Mahdi was always bringing her up, somehow.

“I don’t know, man,” Mahdi tilted his head from side to side as if weighing out the pros and cons in his mind. “I wouldn’t want her to read too much into it. Besides, you guys can be an intimidating bunch. We’ve got Magnus over here always graphically talking about his sex life and or displaying it. You and Even are totally like, in your own universe over there, unless he’s fighting Jonas. And, then the girls can be totally vicious.” 

“I think that they’d be okay with it,” Magnus said, standing up for his girl, “I can tell Vilde about her and make sure that they’re all nice to her. Make her feel welcomed. She’d be a total sweetheart.” 

“Besides, what can she read into at this point?” Even raised a brow, feeling like there were officially parts of Mahdi’s stories about her that he hadn’t told them. There was nothing to read into. Random hookups always came to their pregames—no one was actually ever uninviting, so there had to be something else. Like Sana had said, no one really ever knew what was going on in Mahdi's head.

“Dude, I don’t know, it’s just..Stress,” He shook his head and then sat back, taking a sip of his pop. 

“You’re the one making it stressful,” Jonas rolled his eyes, reaching over the table and taking one of Mahdi’s chips. “Just invite her. It’s just a pregame and then a party. Not some foreign concept she’s not going to understand.” 

“And, seriously, tell us her name, already!” Magnus said, clapping Mahdi on the shoulder and making him choke a little on his pop, coughing a bunch while Magnus patted him on the back some more. 

“Yeah, yeah,” He said, clearing his throat once he finally managed to settle, “Her name is Unni.”

“Unni,” Magnus repeated and nodded, looking like he was thinking as to whether or not he knew any Unni’s. “I think maybe she was in one of my classes last year?”

“Nei, she’s new,” Mahdi said, “That’s another reason why she probably doesn’t want to be around a ton of people who she doesn’t know who all know each other. She deals with that all day.” 

“Dude, same with me,” Jonas pointed out, putting his hands on his chest and giving Mahdi a look that said _hello? Have you forgotten about me?_. “I think she’ll be totally fine, honestly. But, if not...If not, well, she knows Emma, right? I could maybe invite Emma to the pregame?” 

“Emma?” Isak froze and Even quickly wrapped his arms tighter around the boy, trying to comfort him. Even was a little frozen, too, though. This was so not what he meant when he talked to Jonas about talking to Isak about her. He had assumed Jonas would pick up that it had to be a private conversation. He had assumed that he wouldn’t ambush Isak with the subject in the middle of a conversation with the boys. Apparently not. 

“Yeah, I ran into her at the party Saturday,” Jonas shrugged a little, running his hand through his curls nonchalantly and trying to keep his ever-cool demeanor. “We chatted a bit and really hit it off, I think. She gave me her number but I haven’t really talked to her much since. Thought I should talk to you first, obviously.”

“I uh, I,” Isak started to stutter, shaking his head a little and trying to catch himself from falling into some mental spiral. Even squeezed him and kissed the top of his head a couple times, trying to comfort him the best he could, “Emma is.. I.. She’s not good, Jonas.” 

“Yeah, but, why? You never told any of us about what happened.” 

“Because no one needs to know,” Even jumped in and then kissed the side of Isak’s face soothingly now, hoping that all the kisses were helping with his comfort levels, or at least distracting him from that mental spiral, “Except maybe you if you’re thinking about pursuing her. Maybe you guys should catch up after school?” 

“Oh, sure, keep us in the dark,” Magnus whined, tossing his hands up in the air dramatically. 

“Chill out, Mags, it’s not important for you to know, okay?”  
*

**~Wednesday Afternoon~**

Isak agreed to meet Jonas at the squad’s table after school, so they could hang out a little and chat about Emma. He and Even had gone back and forth in texts during their final classes as to whether or not Even should come with, but just like Even dealing with his parents, this ended up being something Isak needed to do on his own. With Even there to baby him, he might not be able to remain strong about it, and he wanted it to come from his own lips, not Even’s. It was his own experience. 

“You promise you’ll be fine?” Even asked him tentatively, giving him another kiss as they approached the table. No sign of Jonas yet. When Isak nodded his head, he pressed another, slightly longer kiss to his lips, “But you’ll call if you’re not? If you feel upset or if Jonas pulls some moves or something?”

“Yes, Even, I promise,” Isak smiled small and kissed him once more, much longer this time. A nerve calming kiss, gentle and smooth as their lips overlapped and they pulled each other close. Isak was a little nervous, about talking about what happened with Emma, about being alone with Jonas, so he really needed a kiss like that. Whether Even knew that or not, he fell right into the kiss, melting and molding with Isak's lips as Isak's brain went numb with thoughts of him and how happy he made him.

Unfortunately, Jonas interrupted it earlier than he would have liked, jumping up on one of the benches and announcing himself with a “Halla, boooyz.” Isak pulled back from Even slowly, still clutching onto his shirt as he turned to Jonas with just the slightest bit of annoyance plastered on his face. Every day needed to be like the day in the hotel, where he and Even were absolutely uninterrupted. He wished it could be like that. Isak could dream, he supposed. 

“Hi, Jonas,” He sighed and then gave Even a final peck on the lips, “I’ll text you.” Even nodded, pecked him back once more, then was walking away with that confident and alluring stride of his. Isak could kind of tell now what Eskild meant about the way it gave away how he fucked. The confidence, the extremely subtle sway of the hips. Fuck, he just did everything beautifully. 

“Just you and me, huh?” Jonas smiled and gave Isak one of the bro shakes as he jumped down from the bench, “Kebabs then? Minus the kissing?”

“Kebabs sound good,” Isak rolled his eyes and pushed him, not wanting to think about their first kiss. Or them kissing in general. Especially not with the feel and taste of Even’s lips still on his own. They started walking down the street, Jonas pulling out a joint that they lit up while they walked—just as they had that first time. It was quiet at first, and they just walked and walked in silence for a while as they passed the joint back and forth with careful fingers as not to touch. 

“You know, you can really just tell me not to see Emma, if you want,” Jonas said as he passed the joint back to Isak. “It’s no big deal. Plenty of fish in the sea. She just charmed me a little, that’s all. Seemed cool but maybe she’s not. I know I kind of made a big deal at lunch but fuck it. If it’s something that makes you that upset, fuck it.” 

“Nei, nei,” Isak shook his head, taking a couple of hits and then handing the joint back to him. The weed was starting to work its way, making Isak feel more loose, like he could actually maybe talk about this without losing his shit. “You wanted to know, so I’m going to tell you. Besides, I really don’t want to tell you not to date her. I want you to be able to make your own decisions, you’re a free spirit, as you said, you hipster boy, you.”

“Isak, I hate to say it, but you’re totally a hipster too, you _and_ Even,” Jonas laughed and then nudged his shoulder up against Isak’s. The first contact besides the handshake and Isak felt nothing. The tension that they had, the chemistry or whatever it was, finally having faded into something else. Was that Even's doing? Or was it just the boys falling into the pattern the universe wanted of them? “And don’t even try to deny it because I could bring up like, ten examples as to why.” 

“Whatever, Jonas, but you’re worse,” Isak laughed watching as Jonas snubbed out the rest of the joint and put the clip in his pocket. They were getting close to the kebab place, so Isak decided he would wait until they had their food to tell him about Emma. “And I could bring up like, twenty thousand reasons why.”

“Yeah, but I’m not denying it, I’m not ashamed of it,” Jonas shook his head and put his hands in his pockets as he looked up at the sky. “Hipsters totally have this terrible reputation but like, we’re not all as bad as everyone else thinks. So fuck them and their connotations. We’re no worse than the rest of the human race.”

“Fuck,” Isak laughed and opened the door to the kebab place for him, “that is exactly the kind of hipster bullshit I’d expect you to say. But, I guess I couldn’t have said it better.” 

They ordered and chatted a little bit more, Jonas going off about how most of the human race was made up of pricks who thought guns were cool, who liked killing animals for sport, who thought it was fun to bully those less fortunate and were proud of it. He had a lot to say about the fucked up state of the world, and unfortunately, Isak had to agree. But he thought that there were bright sides, things that Jonas wasn’t alluding to. Like the rise of their own generation, of people who thought like they did. 

By the time they were heading across the street to their bench, Isak had officially been declared an Optimistic Hipster—apparently the worst kind, according to Jonas, who laughed at him and teased him. To Isak it kind of sounded like he was the best kind and Jonas was the worst, but they were getting way off topic, weren’t they?

“Alright, enough being mean to me,” Isak said, beginning to eat his kebab, “I need to get this story out before I lose my high and all my confidence.” 

“I’ve got another joint, should I light it up?”

“Yes, please,” Isak laughed a little then held Jonas’ kebab for him as he fished it out of the breast pocket of his flannel and lit it up. He took back his kebab then handed the joint over to Isak. Isak took a couple hits and then ashed out the end of it. “So, like, obviously when things were going down with Emma, I was leading her on, right? I mean, I knew I was gay I just thought I could maybe fake it or whatever. Because, mostly, I didn’t want Even to know I was gay because I thought that he would know I was into him.” 

“Already sounds complicated,” Jonas laughed and took the joint back as Isak handed it to him. Isak just nodded and took a few moments, taking a couple bites of his kebab. Isak yo-yo'd the thought of telling Jonas that their relationship—or whatever it was—was what made him finally come out. In the end he decided against it, maybe someday he'd tell him, but it seemed less important right then.

“So, the night of the pregame I invited her to, we both got really fucking drunk,” Isak told Jonas slowly, tilting his head back and feeling the weight of it before continuing on. “I told her I wanted to go home and sleep, but that she could go to the party, whatever. Except, she didn’t want to go to the party without me, and she didn’t want to go home. She begged a lot then finally convinced me to take her back to my place. Whatever, I told her we’d just sleep, that I was too tired for anything else. When it was more like I was too gay.

“Anyway, we got back to my place and she tried like, really fucking hard. I said no a bunch of times. Like too many times to count. It was like she thought she could change my mind, but I didn’t know how to make her understand. I should have just told her I was gay, I know. So, I guess it was probably partially my fault because that probably would’ve gotten her off me. But, fuck, I thought no meant no, you know?” Isak shook his head, not looking at Jonas as he took the joint back, taking a few more hits then a bite of his kebab. 

“No always means no, man,” Jonas said carefully, and Isak could feel his eyes on him. Probably already beginning to draw conclusions in his head. “No means no. The first time. Even I know that and—as you know—I always shoot my shot.”

“Yeah, well, maybe she was too drunk to get it,” Isak shrugged a little and then sighed, handing the joint back and going for another couple bites of his kebab. He was grateful for Jonas, he was letting him take the story slow, not pushing him to continue going when he needed to take a breather. “Eventually, I thought that she actually did, and I fell asleep. Except...then I woke up and, and it was just like...She took off my boxers and she was getting me off, like while I was asleep. She said she wasn’t going to like...you know..., _go any farther_ but how the hell am I supposed to know if that’s true? I felt so fucking violated. Disgusted with her, with myself. It was just fucked up. I think she’s fucked up. And I’m...I’m mostly over it, Even has helped...replace the memory, to say the least. I’m just not sure what I’d do if I ran into her, though, you know? That’s why she can’t come to a pregame. I've even started taking different routes to my classes and stuff to stay away from her.”

“Fuck,” Jonas said quietly, shaking his head a little as he took the joint back. He snubbed it out and then slid over, resting his arm around Isak’s shoulders. Isak leaned into him, closing his eyes and just taking deep breaths. Reliving the memory was a lot for him. He’d spent a lot of time pushing it away, trying to replace it, but now it was back, fresh and he just kind of needed a hug and Jonas seemed willing to supply that hug. “That’s really fucked up, man. Consider her number deleted.” He shook his head some more, letting out a little sigh as he looked forward and mumbled "shit" under his breath, "I'm sorry about that night, you know, where I didn't listen to you and Even and I fought. If that, uh, was anything like what happened with Emma, I'm sorry. I'm really fucking sorry.

"No, it's okay, totally different, anyway." 

 

 **~Wednesday Evening~**  
*  
It was after dinner and Isak still wasn’t home. Even was trying not to feel as jealous as he was, but it was getting more difficult with every passing minute. He’d left Isak alone to tell Jonas his story, and it had turned into a much longer adventure, apparently. Isak had texted him and told him the conversation went well and that they were going to the skate park to hang out a little longer. And Even just told him to have fun, to text or call if he needed him. 

Even had given Ana her guitar lesson, eaten dinner with his family, and now he was on the third comic he was drawing of the night. He had started a new series about Isak after that night with the story in the stars. Starting from the day with their first kiss, he’d draw what happened, what was said, then in a different panel write “at the same time in a parallel universe,” and draw what could have happened, where their love was known from right then. 

He already had a ton of them drawn, every time a new memory popped up, he’d draw it. There would probably be an endless supply, maybe someday he’d be done and he could put them all into a book for Isak. But, he probably needed Isak’s help filling in the gaps on his side of the story, first. He was working on the memory of the stolen shirt and that fight when Isak finally came home, walking into his room and falling on the bed next to him. 

He smelled like weed, which wasn’t too surprising. 

“Hi baby,” Isak said, rolling onto his side and pressing his chest against Even’s back as he kissed the side of his face. “Oh, you’re drawing. What’s this?” He reached over Even’s body and tried to snatch it out of Even’s hands, but Even pulled it away and then sat up. He’d show Isak the series, but not this one, this one wasn’t finished.

“I’ve been working on a new series, kind of,” Even told him, slipping the unfinished one into a folder and then grabbing a couple of the ones he’s already drawn. He flipped through them, trying to find the best to show to Isak. “I might eventually need your help though, so I’m going to show them to you. How high are you?”

“I’m coming down now,” Isak said and sat up on the bed, watching Even, “But you need my help? Even, I’m not creative, I can’t draw. Not like you. I’d destroy it.”

“I don’t need your help with the creative parts,” Even laughed a little and sat back on the bed with him, handing over the few that he’d decided to show him. “I just need your help with memories, with your side of the story. Do you think you could help with that, or have you killed all the brain cells that include your long term memory?”

“I remember everything when it comes to you,” Isak said quietly, then started going over the drawings, smiling as he read through them. Even just smiled to himself and watched him, letting him soak it all in.  
*

Isak was overwhelmed by Even’s drawings. He’d seen a lot of his comic strips before but this was one dedicated to him, dedicated to them, and he wanted to make it a whole series, wanted Isak to help him fill in his own side of the story. It was just so beautiful. Isak set down the papers and pushed Even back, kissing him into the sheets. It was heated and they both knew exactly where it was headed as they stripped each other down. Once they were both down to their boxers and their pulses were racing through their entire bodies, Isak pulled back and looked Even in the eyes. 

“Can I be on top?” He asked breathily, running his hands through Even’s hair a couple times. 

“Fuck, yes,” Even laughed a little, reaching up and taking Isak’s face in his hands, “I literally thought you’d never ask.” Isak laughed too and then leaned down, kissing his lips a couple more times then getting up so that he could take their precautions. They had moved Even’s dresser so now it could be easily pushed up against the main door of his room, and they'd press his desk chair up underneath the doorknob connecting their rooms, just in case. Isak did these things, then grabbed his phone, connecting it to Even’s speakers and turning on the sex playlist that Even already made for them. 

“I wish the doors had locks,” Isak laughed as he grabbed the lube and a condom out of Even’s bedside table.

“I was thinking about installing them,” Even said quietly, watching as Isak pulled down his own boxers then moved between Even’s legs and pulled down his too. “But, I figure I should wait and see if we’re actually moving out or not. That way I don’t waste money.”

“Good thinking,” Isak said and then leaned down, kissing at Even’s neck, sucking and biting at his skin as he worked his way down. 

“You’re not the only smart one in this relationship,” Even laughed, his hands finding their way up to Isak’s hair, where they always seemed to land. Isak was pretty sure he was working the curls right out of it, but he didn’t mind as he kissed down his chest and abs to his length. Isak reached around and gave his ass a squeeze. 

“I never said I was babe,” Isak said, kissing around his hips now before licking up his shaft, from the base to the tip. Then he took Even in his mouth. Even hadn’t always done this the other times they fucked, but Isak tended to find it more arousing when he started off in Even’s mouth. It was more of a dramatic build, more of a tease, even. 

“I, uh..ohhh,” Even moaned, trying to keep track of their conversation, but Isak knew that soon it’d be out the window as he hallowed his cheeks and took Even in. “I’m pretty sure you have but ooo-ookay.” He moaned again, his hips pushing up a little as Isak pulsed his tongue against him a few times. He bobbed his head up and down, only a couple more times before slowly popping off and looking at Even with a smirk. He wasn’t sure if Even forgot what they were talking about, but with Even’s sounds of lust trickling into his ears, Isak had definitely forgotten. 

He licked down from his tip to his balls and the spread Even’s legs some more to gain access to his hole. He was a little nervous, still, about the possibility of not doing this right, but he wasn’t going to chicken out. He was set on making Even feel as good as Even had been making him feel. So, he slowly swirled his tongue around his hole, pressing inside just a little—as much as the tightness would allow—and then swirled around it some more as he reached for the lube. He spent a few more moments there, listening as Even gasped and let out his little breathy moans.

“This is all okay, so far?” Isak asked carefully as he pulled back. It sounded like he was doing alright, sure, but he wanted to make sure Even was okay. He wanted to keep making sure the way Even had for him the first time, except he had already forgotten to do that, had already gotten carried away. “You’ll stop me if I do something you don’t like?” 

“Yes Isak,” Even said, it coming out as a really grumbly sound, lower than when he first woke up in the morning, and fuck, it was hot. “You’re doing so good baby, please, go on.” 

“Okay, baby,” Isak smiled and then put the lube on his hand, slathering it around a couple fingers and then circling it around his hole before he pushed the first one in. He watched Even gasp, his body jump up a little from the touch. He knew exactly what he was feeling as he swirled his finger around slowly and began pumping away. After a few moments, he slowly added another, this time watching as Even clenched his jaw. It was already a tight fit and Isak understood. He understood it all and remained as gentle and slow and careful as he could manage. 

Isak wasn’t exactly sure how to find the prostate, where to hit to make Even jumped and writhe with pleasure. But, as he worked his fingers around, he eventually found it, watching Even squirm, his mouth go agape and feeling the way his entire body shuddered. He hit it a few more times until Even called out.

“Fuck, Isak, more,” He groaned, pressing his hips up into Isak’s touch. Isak couldn’t help but be so turned on by his eagerness, by the fact that he was the one making Even sound so turned on, so completely gone. He gently added the third finger, watching as Even took it with his pretty, clenched jaw. 

Eventually, Even was ready, opened enough. A squirming and sweaty mess below Isak, and Isak knew it was time. He was back to being a little nervous. He had grown confident with his fingers, and more turned on. He almost felt like he wasn’t going to be able to be inside him that long before coming because it was just all so damn sensual. He just wanted to do the best for Even. Wanted to watch him fall apart while Isak was inside him like he had in all those dreams Isak had.

“Ready?” He asked quietly as he pulled his fingers out and opened up the condom. He did as he learned in health class, and from watching Even. Pinched the tip and rolled it on as Even nodded his head, breathing shallowly and gripping at the sheets underneath him. Isak put some lube on over the condom and then moved up over top of Even, lining himself up. “I’m sorry if I don’t last.” 

“You’re going to last,” Even told him, his voice coming out much more full than Isak expected. As if this was something he knew for certain. He reached up and held Isak’s face. “You’re so fucking good at holding on, baby. Now, please, I’m dying here. Kiss me and let’s do this.” 

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” Isak said, Even’s words being enough to send a newfound surge of confidence through him. He leaned down and kissed him hard, pressing his tongue into his mouth as he pushed himself into his tight heat. He couldn’t help but moan into his mouth, the squeeze engulfing his dick while it pulsed with need inside him. He went nice and slow, eventually bottoming out and pausing there to let Even get used to the feeling. He kissed him and kissed him, trying to distract himself from wanting to just go, go, go as his own body tensed up with his growing arousal. 

“Fuck, Isak, _move_ ” Even eventually said, pulling back from the kiss and reaching his hands down to Isak’s hips as he started to weakly thrust his own. Isak’s heart jumped, and he sat up gripping at Even’s hips to hold them still as he began his thrusts inside him. The sensation as he did so pulsed up from his dick, into his lower stomach and up his spine. 

It was amazing. He could help but moan out Even’s name a couple times, could help but tell him how good he felt. And as he looked at the boy beneath him completely falling to pieces with his own good feelings, Isak couldn’t help but to feel even better. There were little breathy moans coming from Even, him not being as loud as Isak in bed, but they were enough to let Isak know that everything was going well. That he was doing something right as they both grew sweatier and happier with pleasure. 

He leaned back down and kissed more bruises into Even neck so he could moan some more, let them be a little muffled against his skin while his hips worked in and out, circling around and keeping everything rhythmic. Each thrust made him moan, the way Even’s ass massaged his dick making him feel completely helpless and completely in control all at the same time. He couldn’t help himself as he began to speed up, thrusting his hips harder against Even’s ass, his body beginning to buzz with pleasure. 

“Fuck, Ev-ennn,” he moaned against his neck, moving his head to press his forehead against Even’s now. He could feel Even tensing up, his body pulsing with Isak’s, and he wanted to look him in the eyes when he came, just like the first time. He reached down and stroked him a little to work him over the edge, biting his own lip as he tried to focus on so many things, the thrusting of his hips, the pulse of his hand, the pleasure that gleamed in Even’s eyes. 

It was so much to handle as his own pleasure started fogging up his mind. He wanted so badly to push Even over the edge first but he was building up and building up and he just kept moaning Even’s name. He was going to come, he could feel it as the satisfaction filled up his insides. He tried to hold on and—

Even called out his name, coming on his stomach and falling to the bed underneath him. Isak gripped onto his shoulders now and thrust hard as he worked him through it, as he worked himself over the peak of his own climax. 

“Baby!” He called out, as he finally came too, circling his hips a few times before stopping and pressing his lips back to Even’s. It was a sloppy and lazy kiss, both of them breathing hard out their noses as they began coming down. Isak ran his hands through Even’s hair a couple times and slowly pulled back, pulling out of him and then removing the condom. He began moving fast, wanting to get everything in place so that he could curl back up next to his boy. He got up, threw away the condom and grabbed his shirt, and wiped off Even’s stomach and chest with it in one quick motion before moving to lay back next to him. He pulled him into his arms and pressed his forehead back against Even’s searching his eyes to see how he felt. 

“That was amazing, Isak,” he said genuinely before curling right up into his arms, shrinking to fit. “I love you so much.” 

“I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, kudos, thoughts are all welcomed. Okay byyyeee


	12. Fosters the Fear In Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter woooo!~ 
> 
> Warnings would be: brief talk of thoughts of death, talk about struggles with bipolar disorder, confrontation with a person who is not so great, talk of Isak's mom, and emotional sex ~~

**~Thursday Morning~**  
*  
Even dismissed his own alarm that morning, and so when Isak’s started going off, they were both groaning. Isak didn’t like waking up in the morning and Even just didn’t want to get up on this particular day. Nevermind the fact that his body was sore from the night’s activities, he just really didn’t want to leave the room, leave Isak’s company, and end up at that counselling session with his parents that afternoon. He’d been able to distract himself from it until this point, but with the day looming over him in the morning light, he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it until the time came. But, if he and Isak stayed in bed all day, at least he could continue to be distracted until the stupid session.

Isak was spooning him—a nice change of pace for them—and kissing the side of his face as his alarm continuously sounded. Even had hoped he would pull his usual snoozing routine, that way they’d wind up only having a few minutes to get ready and Even could distract him between the sheets until it was suddenly _too late_ and they just _had to_ skip. It’d be plenty hard to get him to skip, otherwise, and it’d probably already be hard enough. So, Isak was basically thwarting Even’s plans by acting out of character.

“Someone’s chipper this morning,” Even said quietly in accusation, keeping his eyes closed while Isak continued peppering his face with kisses. 

“One of us has to be or we’ll never get out of bed,” Isak said in his ear and then kissed beneath his lobe before pulling away and finally turning off the blaring alarm. “Why isn’t it you? It's always you. Are you...okay? I can get you some ibuprofen or something.” 

“A stronger sedative would be nice,” Even sighed and then slowly turned around. He knew he had to elaborate or else Isak would think he’d done something truly wrong and paralyzed Even, or something. “I just want to stay in bed with you today, you know, until I have to go with my parents later. I want to spend all the time I can with you until I’m tortured.”

“Oh yeah,” Isak said and then raked his hands through Even’s hair slowly, he looked at him a little sadly, “I forgot about that, actually. But, neither of us should miss school, Ev. Let’s just get up and spend every second we can together, and I’ll spend all of them distracting you the best I can.” 

“But, baby, I know the _best_ distraction, and it involves us being alone, sans clothes.”

“Ev—”

“Isak, all the anticipation is going to kill me,” Even pouted, putting his hands on Isak’s hips and pulling them closer together. “I don’t want to be thinking about it all day long. You know what my mind will do to me with all that time?” 

“What time is the appointment?” Isak remained serene, his hands continuing gently through Even’s hair. He was being so soothing, his eyes staying on Even’s with a kindness gleaming through them. This was exactly what Even wanted. Or else maybe he’d snap with all his thoughts poking and prodding at his brain and he didn’t want to snap. 

“16:30, my parents want me here to leave with them by 16:00, and it’s apparently an _hour long session_ , babe I’m going to be suffering,” Even may have been over dramatic about all of it, but he just felt completely unprepared, so absolutely off put by the entire thing that it was already eating at his brain. It was just one of those things that stuck in his mind and so far, Isak had been the best distraction, the only distraction. He really didn't want to lose that distraction. 

“Okay, baby, okay,” Isak sighed and kissed his lips a couple of times, “remember what I said about taking things minute by minute? This is one of those things we should do that with. We’ll just focus on this minute and the next when we get to it. Don’t think about 16:30 because we’re not there yet. Today, we’re going to school. While you’re in class, you’ll focus on class, or whatever you normally focus on during class. Think about our comics, draw them, doodle, text me, do anything except worry about anything that’s not that specific minute. Can you do that for me, please?”

“ _Our_ comics, hmm?” That made Even smile. The idea of them working together on something being a really nice thought for him. He still would rather lie in bed all day, but Isak said _for me_. And, unfortunately Even was under his spell and would do anything _for him_. No matter how much he might not want to. “Okay, Isak, I’ll go to school. But you have to blow me in the bathroom.”

It was a joke, but there was something that passed through Isak’s eyes that told him he would if Even truly wanted to. Anything _for Even_ , because Isak was under _his_ spell, too.  
*

**~Thursday Afternoon~**

Even and Isak headed right home after school, holding each other close on the bus—Isak right in Even’s lap as they made their way through the stops. Isak distracted him with kisses during the entire ride, not caring who saw, who was judging or not. Even was his only focus, and honestly it was hard for him not to be, the world fading away as their lips collided and overlapped. And then as they walked from the bus stop to the house, he pressed his hand into Even’s back pocket, leaning into him as he talked, distracting him with words until they could wrap up in each other again. 

“So, I have a couple of things for our comics, are you making a list?” Isak asked as they walked down the street. The comics caught his mind a few times throughout the day, he could hardly focus on his classes anyway, worrying about Even spiraling and being alone. He felt terrible forcing him to go to school, but Isak had an exam in Spanish and Even really shouldn’t skip in general—he missed enough school as is. So, he texted him as much as he could, probably more than Even texted him, and thought about him more than usual, which was saying a lot. 

Even furthermore, and though he was pretty sure Even was joking, he gave him that bathroom blow job during Even’s free hour and Isak’s Norwegian class. It was kind of one of Isak’s kinks anyway, public sex, so he really, really didn’t mind. He was pretty sure Even knew that, too, knowing his fucking tastes in porn because of Noora and Eva. Whatever, honestly, he would blow Even anywhere they could, he thought.

It was funny though, when he thought about the comics, he thought about all the things, all the thoughts he’d had that Even might not have a clue about. Here they were, thinking they knew everything about each other, having been around each other for their entire lives, and yet there were small things like the way Isak felt when Even told him about Mikael. What he wanted to do in that moment when Even told him and what really happened being two completely different things. Something Even had no idea about at all. It was kind of, actually exciting to think they still had stories to tell each other, to share. Exciting to know that there were thoughts Even had yet to tell Isak about. Things that would make Isak so happy to hear. 

“A list is probably a good start,” Even laughed lightly, turning his head and looking down at Isak. They met eyes and Isak couldn’t help but smile back at him. “Tell me about one of these things, all of them, I want to hear it all.”

“Hmm,” Isak smiled, thinking that maybe he should space out the stories. He’d just tell him one for now. “Okay, well, a little while after you met Elias and Yousef, you started hanging out with them a lot, and they introduced you to the other boys…”

He met them only a few weeks after the two of them had made out for the first time. Isak was twelve and Even was fourteen. Honestly, since they made out, kissing Even again was most of what Isak could think about. He wanted to feel that good again. Except then, Even had started hanging out with Elias, Yousef, Adam, Mutta, and Mikael. Isak was starting to feel left out, jealous even, that Even was suddenly infatuated with hanging out with these boys who were his age, who were into making movies with him. He was afraid of Even replacing him with them, but he didn’t have the guts to tell Even about his worries. He was already afraid at that point that Even might catch onto him and neither of them were even out of the closet. So, for all he knew, he was the only one of the two that was even into guys.

Isak was always excited when they actually invited him to come along—until he learned that it was because Elias had to drag Sana with him places every now and then because their parents made him. Elias had met Isak and knew they were the same age so he’d ask Even to bring him along for her sake. Isak knew Sana from his classes, but never actually spoke to her until then. Mostly, though, she kept to herself and Isak tried to assimilate with the rest of the boys, even though he could tell that Elias just thought of him as some annoying little kid. Yousef was nice though, and Even would always be nice to him, despite wanting to fit in with Elias. 

One time, they were at the park and Isak was sitting with Sana on a bench. Sana was reading and Isak was just watching Even from afar. Yousef was teaching Even how to hang upside down from the monkey bars without hurting himself—Even had once broken his leg trying this same move—and Isak watched. He watched as he hung there, his shirt falling down to his chin, revealing his chest while he smiled and laughed at whatever Yousef was saying. Even then, Isak secretly found him beautiful, absolutely stunning. 

He watched as Yousef skillfully got down and started to teach Even how to do the same. Isak wanted to get up before he could get down. He wanted to walk over to where Even hung and kiss him again, like they had just a few weeks prior. It could be an epic Spider-Man kiss and Mikael and his camera—fucking Mikael, Isak could see the way Even looked at him, it was much like the way he looked at Isak, thinking back—could film the entire thing. And, he would have if Even knew how he felt. If he knew how Even felt. In another universe, they did and they had their epic kiss. But in this one, Isak sat where he was, asked Sana what she was reading and pulled his knees to his chest. 

Now Even would draw what could have been. 

“We’re going to have to do that some time now, you know,” Even told him as Isak finished the story, they walked into the house and kicked off their shoes, immediately heading into Even’s room. “I know I’m not a big Spider-Man fan, but that sounds hot.”

“Can you even hang upside down from the monkey bars without hitting your head on the ground?” Isak laughed and pulled Even back on the bed, falling back and letting Even fall on top of him, “That was like, five years ago and you’ve grown like seven feet since then.” 

“Faen, how tall am I?” Even laughed too, moving to tuck his head into Isak’s neck, trailing kisses along it as he talked, “There’s gotta be something tall enough to hang from to make it happen. I’ll keep my eye out. It’s going to happen.” 

“Fine, but the rules are that it can’t be dangerous,” Isak giggled some more, tilting his head back and letting Even continue exploring his neck. Nipping and sucking on it as he pleased, already making Isak want more, dragging his hands down Even’s back and up his shirt to feel his skin. “I didn’t think you’d be so into it, though. You hate Spider-Man.”

Even pulled back and raised his eyebrows in amusement, running a hand over Isak’s head and pushing his snapback off. “I don’t _hate_ Spider-Man. I’ve just always liked to give you a hard time about your superhero obsession. So I said I hated it.”

“It’s never been an obsession.” 

“Oh, please,” Even laughed and then dipped back down, kissing Isak’s jaw to his ear then back down his neck, a nice long sensual pause until he went on with his teasing, “when you were five you wore that Superman cape for like, three weeks straight. At least.” Even pulled back the collar of Isak’s shirt now, stretching it and leaving more kisses on his shoulder. He was letting out small little huffs of laughter as he did, as if the memory was that funny to him. 

“ _Go fuck yourself_ ,” Isak groaned, gripping onto Even’s back and pushing up his hips into Even’s. He was a little embarrassed at himself, he remembered the Superman cape, and it wasn’t a huge surprise that Even did, too. But, still, he’d rather not think about it. 

“I’d rather fuck you,” Even said lowly into his ear with a little grumble of a laugh, meeting Isak’s hips with his own, circling them into his, “But fuck, I almost forgot about the cape. So fucking adorable. You’re so damn cute, babe.”

“We have time, if you want,” Isak told him, focusing on the first part of his sentiment to try to push the Superman cape from his thoughts.

*  
They got down into their boxers when Ana knocked on the door, demanding a guitar lesson before he left. Isak told him to just do it, saying that it’d probably be better to save the sex for after, when Even needed a relaxer, a _sedative_ , Isak had called it, repeating Even’s word from the morning. It took him a few minutes to calm himself down, already having gotten well turned on, but Isak promised to make it well worth his while, so he gave the damn guitar lesson and Isak did his homework until he had to leave with his parents. He gave Isak many, many, many kisses as a goodbye and then headed out with them. 

Hoping for the best, expecting the worst.

He was absolutely, one hundred percent nervous. Anxiously bouncing his leg in the car, tap, tap, tapping his fingers on the armrest of the chair he took across from his parents in the waiting room. They weren’t any help, either, just quiet, too fucking quiet. As if opening their mouths was going to lead to the two of them into a verbal war. Which definitely just filled Even up with more tension, more nerves, too much.

“Even, I am just so glad you could join us,” Dr. Poulsen, was saying as he brought the three of them into his office. It was all very neutral, beige colors, brown leather furniture, paintings of flowers and an entire wall lined with a bookcase. “I’ve heard so much about you.” 

He sat down in the comfiest looking chair—in Even’s opinion, anyway, it’s where he would have sat given the choice—while his parents took a seat on a love-seat across from him. There was another chair and a nice, long couch to sit on. It was all circled around a wooden coffee table with notepads, pens, a Keurig and a ton of tea K-cups. Even stood there for a second, the door closed behind him and just observed. He could be dramatic, lay across the sofa like in the movies, or he could be stubborn and tell Dr. Poulsen that _he_ was sitting where Even wanted to. Therapists were supposed to be accommodating, weren’t they?

“I’m sure you know how terrible I am, then” Even said monotonously, crossing his arms over his chest and raising his eyebrows at the man. He wanted to be difficult, it was a nice coping mechanism, but he figured that this guy with his way overdone comb over and fucking sweater vest and bow-tie would end up reading the fuck into it. Tell him he was putting up a wall to not get hurt or some shit. It wasn’t his first time in an office like this. 

“Nonsense,” Dr. Poulsen shook his head and then stood back up, motioning to the furniture, “Sit, please. Anywhere you’d like.” Even shrugged and then walked over to him, feeling happy to have a good few inches in height over the man. Being tall definitely had its advantages. 

“Can I sit there?” He asked, pointing to the seat were Poulsen just stood up from. 

“Even, don’t be difficult,” his mother scolded. 

“No, no, it’s fine, please sit,” Poulsen told him, stepping away and into the other available armchair. Even smiled triumphantly and sat down in the seat. Now it was Dr. Poulsen sitting between Even and his parents. A much better set up, if you asked Even. “Would you like tea or anything? Your mother usually enjoys the chamomile.” 

“I’m fine, thanks,” Even said, sitting back and crossing his legs, setting his hands in his lap and giving an award-winning smile. “So, tell me, Dr. Poulsen, what exactly _have_ you heard about me?” 

“What I know, Even, is what your parents have told me, and it's nothing bad, I can assure you,” Poulsen spoke in an annoyingly calm voice, motioning to his parents as he talked about them, “I know that they love you very much, for starters. I know that you’re a creative young man who spends plenty of time on the arts, film making and comics especially. You identify as pansexual, and I’ve looked into that and I think that’s very wonderful, no judgment here. Also, as of recently, you’ve started seeing your best friend, another young man by the name of Isak, which is wonderful, too. You are also bipolar and choose not to take medication for it. Is any of that wrong?”

“Sounds about right,” Even shrugged nonchalantly, picking up a notepad and a pen, “but I have a hard time believing that you didn’t _dive deeper_ into these subjects.” He started drawing a comic, Isak’s story he had told him earlier about that time at the park. Might as well keep his hands busy. 

“You know, that’s not so important right now,” Dr. Poulsen said, ever-calm. “What’s important, really, is that your parents are disagreeing over whether or not you’re making the right choices and so, we really need to hear your thoughts on these choices. Bipolar disorder can be a really serious disorder if not handled properly—”

“You think I don’t know that?” Even looked up from the paper and rolled his eyes just to show Dr. Poulsen how ridiculous he sounded. Even was the one who was bipolar, obviously he fucking knew how serious it could be. “You think that I like not being able to control how amazing or terrible I feel? You think that I like to be so depressed that the only thing I can think about is death? That I can’t even stand the one person who makes me feel the most alive? That I hurt everyone around me because of it? No. Fuck. No.”

“Even, please, language,” Martin said, and all Even could do was shoot him a look. He knew that his Dad really was on his side, for the most part, so he felt a little bit bad about it, but whatever. 

“I don’t mind, Martin,” Poulsen said, just continuing on smiling and keeping calm. “Even, you do realize that medicine will help you control these things? If you don’t like them so much, then you can change it.” 

“No,” Even set down the notepad and looked up at him in the eyes. He needed to know that Even was serious. “It controls those things at a cost. And the cost is me, myself. It’ll make me a shell of myself. I like feeling, I like being real, I may hate the down side of an episode. But it’s real, it’s who I am and fuck if I want to become anyone else. It’s not even that bad, you know. It was bad once. But since then I’ve worked really hard, we’ve worked really hard. Isak is so helpful and supportive, my friends are, my dad is, my sister is….And my mom is when she’s not judging the hell out of me.” 

“Alright,” Dr. Poulsen said pensively, keeping his eye contact with Even for a moment longer before looking over at his parents. “Josefine, what do you think of Even and this need he feels for living as he really is?” 

“Well, as I said last time,” Josefine said quietly, clearing her throat after a moment. Martin thoughtfully wrapped an arm around her shoulder, comforting her in a way Even had seen him do a thousand times before. _Fake_ , Even thought. _Fake, fake, fake._ “This can and will get worse, Even. You know, Isak’s Mom, Marianne. She went undiagnosed, unmedicated for years and look what she’s become? She’s not herself anymore. Do you want to be yourself for now until you’re not anymore? Until you’re unable to function on your own?”

“She’s schizophrenic,” Even said monotonously, clenching the pen in his hand, his other hand making a fist as he squeezed his fingertips into his palm. It made a little sense now. Marianne was his Mom’s best friend, and she watched her go literally insane. She didn’t want to watch Even do the same. But he was sick and tired of being compared to other people, he was his own damn person. “It’s totally different. And I’ve _always_ told you that if I thought it was getting out of hand, that I’d take the stupid medication. But it’s not. I’m fine.” 

“You call walking through the streets naked _fine?_ ” Josefine asked incredulously, “You call thinking about death _fine?_ Even, you are not fine.” 

“Can’t you just trust that he’s fine when he says he’s fine, Josefine?” Martin said butting in and making Josefine shake her shoulders away from him. Even could tell he was trying. His voice was calm, dripping with care. So where the fuck was her care? Maybe this really wasn’t about Even at all. Maybe she was fucking giving up on trying. 

“How can I trust him when he keeps so much from us?” Josefine asked directing her question at Dr. Poulsen this time. “He’s said he’s been _in love_ with Isak for _years_ , and just tells us now. After we’ve invited him to live with us, assimilated him into our family, let them share beds.”

“It sounds like he’s pretty honest with you, you know,” Dr. Poulsen said, calm as ever. Even was angry at his mom and this again. The trust bullshit, bullshit about his feelings for Isak as if they changed a damn thing. But he was happy that Dr. Poulsen actually sounded like he was on his damn side. He could get used to that. “Maybe this isn’t the problem at all. You’re worried about your friend, Marianne. Why don’t we dwell on that for a moment or two.”

“Doc,” Even butted in, picking up the pad of paper again, starting to draw again to try to calm himself more, to try to remain disinterested, “Don’t you fucking see the bigger picture here. Obviously my Mom has became some sort of angry woman.. She’s disguising it as concern for me but, fuck. She doesn’t really care. Not for me, not for Ana, not for my Dad. Only for herself.” 

“Don’t say that!” Josefine said, quick in her defense. “I care! Of course I care! Don’t accuse me of not caring because I care more than I could ever even begin to tell you, begin to show you. I’m trying so hard, but I’m scared for you. It feels like Martin is the one who doesn’t care because he’s _not_. He’s not scared and this is _scary_.”

According to Dr. Poulsen, that was some sort of breakthrough.  
*

**~Thursday Evening~**

When Even and his parents finally got home, Isak was sitting on the couch with his laptop, typing up a lab report and Ana was on the floor, coloring and drawing. Isak had only been alone with her for close to two hours, but he’d say he did a pretty good job at babysitting. She had played guitar for a little while after Even left and then Isak helped her with her science homework before starting to work on his own. She didn't even give him any issues about doing her homework like Even would have.

“We’re home,” Josefine announced cheerfully as she came into the living room with the two boys. Isak immediately looked up and searched Even’s face for any signs about how it went, but his expression was blank, “Dinner will be ready in about an hour so I hope you guys didn’t have any snacks.” 

“No snacks,” Isak confirmed and got up as Martin and Josefine left the room to go start dinner. He walked over to Even and took him by the hips, nudging his nose against his jaw. “Are you alright? Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Yeah, come on,” Even brushed his lips up against Isak forehead then pulled him by the hand to his room. Isak was off put by the nonchalance, the calmness in his voice, and the blank expression. He had a million questions as he let Even lead him to the bed. Even pulled him down next to him and wrapped his arms around Isak. 

“What’s on your mind, Ev?” Isak asked, burying his head into his Even’s neck and wrapping his arms around it. “Was it bad? Do you officially want to move out?” 

“I don’t know, Isak,” Even sighed, pressing his lips into Isaks hair a couple of times as his hands slid up and down his back. Isak moved closer, tangling their legs up and pressing a few kisses into his neck, hoping it was some sort of help. “I don’t understand them anymore. This session was supposed to help or whatever, but I think that my parents are in really tough shape. My Mom is _scared_ of me, for me. She thinks my Dad doesn’t care enough and my Dad thinks my Mom isn’t trusting enough and maybe they’re both right. The therapist thinks that they need to find some sort of middle ground but it feels like they won’t be able to.” 

“Are you worried that they’re going to break up or something?”

“I don’t think they would because of Ana but, it’s like,” Even sighed a little and pulled back, moving on his back and looking up at the ceiling. “Everything about it suddenly feels and looks so fake to me. I’m not sure what to think...and I want to leave and just not deal with it, but are you supposed to run away from these things? I’m not sure if I can leave Ana here with it, either.”

“Well, you can’t just stay here with her until she’s old enough to move out,” Isak said, watching Even from where he was laying for a moment before moving to straddle his lap, looking down at him. “Even, how are _you_ feeling right now? You seem kind of…”

“Numb,” Even finished his thought for him, reaching up and stroking Isak’s cheek. “I’m not sure what to feel. I’m pretty sure I’m still mad at them, though. Like, way to put all of this on me, on who I fucking am. Try to force me into a life I don’t fucking want.”

Isak tried not to feel worried. Even was being open about how he was feeling, where his mind was at, but he just seemed so confused, so lost and it was confusing Isak, too. Weren’t therapy sessions supposed to help with that? Shouldn’t it have made him feel more sure of what he was feeling? Isak wanted to know _exactly_ what they talked about, but he didn’t want to make him relive something that he didn’t want to—something that struck him the wrong way.

“Be mad if you want to, and we can even start looking for jobs and apartments if you just want the option to be open,” Isak said quietly, putting either of his hands on Even’s face. “Maybe it’s confusing right now, but maybe there’s a way to help that. I can talk it out with you, maybe? You said that you don’t understand them anymore. Because they’re not understanding each other? Or are you talking about not understanding them individually?” Isak was way out of his league with this, he’d taken an introductory psychology class his first year but he was nowhere near being able to understand all of this stuff. But he wanted to help.

“I don’t understand them together, I used to think they balanced each other out but now I have no idea,” Even said slowly, his eyes finding their way to Isak’s and keeping them locked there. “It’s possible that my diagnosis destroyed them, Isak. They don’t know how to deal with _me_ and my own damn decisions on taking medication. They can’t agree on it, no matter what I say, no matter what the therapist says. They’re just on opposite sides because of me.”

“Even,” Isak frowned, running his hands through Even’s hair now, leaning down and kissing his forehead a couple of times. “It’s not your fault, you know. If they’re not seeing eye to eye, it’s not your fault. Maybe it’s just one of those inevitable things in the universe. If it wasn’t a fight over this, maybe it’d be a fight over something else… But you don’t think that they’ll eventually balance each other out with this, too? Maybe this is just harder because it’s more of a fundamental thing?” 

“I guess it’s possible, but I feel like I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop at this point,” Even told Isak, moving his hands to Isak’s hips now, rubbing circles with his thumbs into Isak’s sides absently. “They’ll eventually cross a line. Or maybe I will.” 

“You will?” 

“Mom is just so worried about this stupid disorder, about me getting out of hand again because I don’t take medication, and I feel like I have it under control, but what if I don’t?” Even’s face contorted in worry. “I don’t want to take that medication, Isak. I don’t want to change. I like me right now. It’ll ruin me. But what if not taking it ruins me, too? And in the course ruins them? The all this protesting on taking it is for nothing.”

“Baby,” Isak said confidently, hating the worry in his eyes, the sadness in his voice. He needed to help Even as best he could, “This is another example of taking things minute by minute—and I know I keep saying that. But, you’re fine, right now, without the medication. Maybe someday you won’t be but we’ll deal with that when it comes. I’m here to help you, forever, you know. Whether we live here or in some tiny apartment, I’m just going to help you make it to the next minute. Let’s try not to worry about your parents either, because in this moment, they’re working it out. Maybe you hate therapists but they’re trying to find some sort of resolve and that’s something. Do you think we can just keep worrying about right here, right now? Where I’m here, straddling you, knowing fully well that you have homework to do, but also knowing that I have ways to get your mind off everything?” 

“Yeah, baby,” Even sighed and pressed his hands up the side of his shirt now with a small little smile and a teeny, tiny glimmer of hope in his eye, “I’ll try really hard, anyway… but uh, Isak?”

“Yeah?” 

“How’s your mom? We haven’t visited her in a while,” Even sat up now, chest to chest with Isak as they looked into each other’s eyes. Isak was a little shocked, he definitely hadn’t expected a question about his Mom. As far as he knew, things were normal with her. He still got the random Bible verse texts from her from time to time, and he hadn’t gotten any texts from her caretaker, Lea in a while. Lea would text him if he thought that it’d be good for her if he visited, if she was having a particularly hard time, or if things were bad. So, things had to be fine, but Even was right. He hadn’t seen her in over a month. 

“She’s fine, I think,” Isak shrugged a little, wondering where this was coming from. He hoped he wasn’t comparing himself to Marianne. That wouldn’t be good for him. “Why?”

“I think we should visit her, just me and you,” Even said, nuzzling his nose to Isak’s while his hands slid to Isak’s back, palms pressing to his skin under his shirt. “Would you be okay with that?”

“Would it...make you feel better?” Isak swallowed hard. He always got a little nervous about visiting his mom. He didn’t know how to talk to her anymore, how to handle her, didn’t understand what she was saying half the time. Lea just said it was best if he made sure to give her the attention she was looking for, listen to her even if he didn’t understand. But he was still afraid his mom could see through him. Like she’d call him out on his bullshit even though she was nowhere near sound enough mind to. 

“I think so,” Even nodded, brushing his lips against Isak’s, “And maybe we can even tell her about us. She might not get it, or even really listen, but I think it might be good for you, too. You know, to just have it off your chest, even if she’s not listening.” 

“She never listens, so we might as well. I’ll text Lea and we can probably visit after they go to church on Sunday.” 

 

 **~Friday Morning~**  
*  
“You should invite the boys to the pregame and the party with us tonight,” Isak told Even. They were strolling hand and hand on their way to Isak’s Biology classroom and Isak had been talking a little about the party. He said this time, they were going to go to a party together and not have any trouble or drama. He said Even needed to have a good time. Even could tell him a billion times that he had a great time with just the two of them, watching movies, going for walks, between the sheets, or just plain laying around and talking, but Isak said they needed something big, something fun with friends. So they were absolutely going out with the rest of the squad that night. No question.

“Sana doesn’t like when Elias is with the rest of us when we party,” Even pointed out, walking with Isak into the room and over to the window with him. He picked Isak up and set him back on the counter, stepping between his legs and taking his hips. “So, I mean, we should run it by her first if we’re trying not to cause any trouble.” 

“Mmkay,” Isak said, wrapping his arms around Even’s neck and batting his eyelashes at him. Last night, Even felt like a wreck, but here Isak was, playing pretty and distracting him with his minute by minute speech and then kissing him into oblivion until dinner. Even didn’t feel numb for long, Isak made him feel so much instead. His worry about his parents was still in the back of his head, but just to think about what was happening right then and now was so easy with Isak. He was where his focus stayed with ease.

“Fuck, can we go back to bed already?” Even joked, squeezing Isak’s hips then pulling them into his own. 

“I wish,” Isak giggled and then pressed his lips to Even’s, a kiss that started nice and slow quickly turned heated as their ardor grew. Their lips overlapped and pressed hard, tongues immediately finding their way to each other. Even wished he could lock the classroom door and take Isak right there, he so would. He was sure Isak wouldn’t mind, either. If only.

“You two do realize that this is a place for education, not porn,” Sana said as she walked into the room, dropping her bag to the desk with an unnecessarily loud thud to grab the boys’ attention. Even pulled back with a sigh and Isak let out a little groan of his own, making Even just want to dive back in.

“Pretty sure porn requires cameras,” Even told her, turning around and looking at her. Isak draped his arms over Even’s shoulders and rested his head on one of them as they turned their attention to Sana. “Do you see any cameras?”

“How do you know there aren’t any cameras around in today’s society?” Sana retorted, looking around the ceiling for a moment or two before shooting them a look, “They could have them in every classroom. Not to mention all the kids walking around with cell phones with cameras on them. You could be on several Snapchat stories at this point with all the kids that could have passed by that door while you were too engaged to notice.” 

“Yikes,” Isak said with a laughed, turning his head and pressing a kiss to Even’s neck. “She’s apparently thought this through more than we have, Ev.” 

“Eh, fuck it,” Even laughed, turning his head and pressing a quick kiss to Isak’s lips in return. Let them be caught on camera, he really couldn’t give a fuck either way. He’d just care about Isak and how much he wanted to spend every moment he could with him. “Let them watch, if they want. I bet it’s a pretty hot sight.” 

“I’d have to disagree,” Sana shook her head and started digging through her bag for her things. 

“You know, Ev,” Isak began, a playfulness in his voice, “She’s probably just a little more than jealous about our love blossoming in front of her eyes while she’s too afraid to even add Yousef on Facebook. I bet she’d love for him to come to the pregame and party tonight. You’d be doing her a favor if you invited the boys.” 

“Are we really back on this?” Sana sighed and looked back over at the two of them, her eyes squinting menacingly, “Whatever, I don’t care if you invite them either way. But I’m not going to be the one to blame if Elias starts his asshole bullshit. You can take care of it.” 

“I can handle Elias much better than you, anyway,” Even said with a smile—the fact that Sana _didn’t care_ was just a testament to her feelings for Yousef. Plus, it was true that he could easily handle Elias, but mostly because Elias would rather listen to one of his _bros_ than his little sister. Especially in public, anyway. It was just in his asshole nature. “Consider them invited. You think I should tell Mikael to invite his girlfriend, too? Or is that too many people?”

“Ask Mahdi, the pregame is at his house.”  
*

**~Friday Lunch~**

“You’re totally afraid she’s going to be into Even or Isak, you bastard,” Jonas said accusingly with a laugh as they sat there at the lunch table. Mahdi was still on edge about having invited Unni to the party, and now he was specifically telling Even and Isak to stay away. “Fuck, you guys are so insecure. Even if she thinks they’re cute or whatever, she probably already knows they’re together. The whole fucking school knows. She’s not suddenly going to ditch you for one of them.”

“I never said I was afraid!” Mahdi defended himself, picking up a fry and throwing it at Jonas, “I’m just fucking saying they need to stay away.” 

“Oh, relax,” Isak rolled his eyes and moved to sit right in Even’s lap, wrapping his arms around his neck and resting a head on his shoulder, “This is how we’re going to be all night long. Except also drunk and there will be a lot of making out and grinding.” 

“Isak’s going to be overcompensating because Mikael is going to be there,” Even said, in a joking tone, but he wasn’t necessarily wrong. Isak was absolutely fine with Mikael, absolutely fine with the rest of Even’s friends, too—he thought he had proved that when they hung out last Friday. But that didn’t mean he didn’t want to make sure Mikael knew that he and Even were completely, one hundred percent happy now that he was going to be on Isak’s turf. And, honestly, Even suggesting to invite Mikael’s girlfriend too that morning was absolute music to his ears. 

“Who’s Mikael?” Jonas asked, grabbing the fry Mahdi threw at him and eating it. 

“Even’s ex,” Magnus said, “The first love of his life.” 

“I would hardly call him that,” Even rolled his eyes, shooting it down, but it still made Isak a little jealous. It was technically right. He _had_ loved Mikael, hadn’t he? He tried to hold back his grimace, tried to make sure he wasn’t going to be some jealous boyfriend. Did jealousy over the past count? Probably, especially when he was thinking about proving to Mikael how in love he and Even were...Oops.

“He just won’t admit it because he doesn’t want to hurt little baby Isak,” Magnus waved his hand at the boys, shaking his head. Isak wanted to reach across the table and strangle him for calling him that, but he was genuinely grateful that he was making him feel something other than jealousy—he didn’t want to be that boyfriend. “But he was totally all over the guy.” 

“Oh, shut up,” Even sighed, shooting Magnus a look and a finger to accompany his words, “In all technicality, I liked Isak first. Therefore, Mikael just takes the _first boyfriend_ roll. By the way, and in no way is this trying to change the subject so we can get off this fucking one...But, is it cool if Mikael invites his girlfriend to the pregame, Mahdi? I realize it’s a lot of people, but I’d want everyone to be comfortable and whatever.” 

“The more the merrier, man,” Mahdi shrugged.

“But tell your boys to stay away from Unni, we wouldn’t want Mahdi to get all insecure,” Jonas said with a laugh, making Mahdi throw another fry at him and the rest of the boys to laugh.

“Will do,” Even laughed and shook his head, moving Isak off his lap and standing up with him. “But Isak and I are going to go now, so we’ll see you later.” 

“Why are we going?”

“To be alone, c’mon,” Even told him and started pulling him away by the hand. Isak gave the boys a quick solute and then followed, trying to keep up with his quick strides. He was going to have to practice keeping up with Even’s long legs.

“Suddenly you want to be alone?” Isak asked as Even took him outside, finding a bench and pulling him back into his lap. It wasn’t that Isak minded, or anything, but it was a sudden change. And they had already agreed on lunch with the boys. Of course, being abrupt and spontaneous tended to be one of Even’s stronger points—things that Even planned didn’t always necessarily work out, but when he was spontaneous? Well, then things went perfectly. 

“Yes because I want to make sure you’re not upset by the Mikael stuff,” Even pouted a little and pressed his forehead to Isak’s. “Magnus is an idiot, you know.” 

“It’s okay, Even,” Isak huffed and brushed his lips against Even’s briefly, their noses nuzzling as he did, “And it’s okay that he’s your former love...whatever. It’s not like I don’t already know. I’ve heard the stories, I was around for some of the moments.” Isak definitely couldn’t say that Miakel was the former love of Even’s life out loud, though, and even though he was trying to be cool about it, that was probably going to give away the feelings of jealousy within. 

“Isak, you are the only love of my life, you know,” Even put his hands on either side of Isak’s face, his fingertips brushing the hair on the sides of his head. “There’s no former. I may have loved Mikael, for a time being but it was only a tiny little fraction of what I feel for you. It was only a tiny little fraction of the time I’ve loved you. You are the man of my dreams, the man of my life. Only you. And I feel awful for everything you’ve witnessed that tells you otherwise, but it’s true and I just needed to let you know.” 

“You always know what to say, how do you do that?” Isak asked, running his hands down Even’s arms to his elbows, holding onto them. “If it’s part of your creativity, I don’t think that’s fair.” 

“I’m only speaking the truth, though, creativity or not...and I will shout it from the rooftops right now if you don’t believe me...I’ll tell every single goddamn person I walk past on the street...Anything to show you how much you mean to me,” Even told him, pausing to kiss his lips after every point he made. Making Isak swoon completely, squeezing his elbows as Even caressed his face. 

“Let’s skip the rest of the day,” Isak told him, kissing him again. Even only had like, one more class anyway, and Isak could care less at that moment if he missed his own. He just wanted to get Even between the sheets again. “Go home and have some fun since no one’s going to be around for awhile?” 

“Let’s go.” 

 

 **~Friday Evening~**  
*  
Elias had texted Even the confirmation that they’d be coming to the pregame about an hour earlier. Even sent back the address and that’s when Elias told him that Mikael and his girlfriend broke up, and that it’d be better not to bring it up. Even still hadn’t told Isak that part, though and they were on their way to Mahdi’s and time was running out. If he didn’t tell him, then Isak was probably going to bring it up. In a nice, backhanded sort of way, he’d ask about her as if to remind Mikael that it was a different time. That there was over a half a year of distance between his relationship with Even. 

Even with the reassurance, he knew that Isak was still going to be a little jealous. It was actually pretty endearing, seeing as Even himself could be a jealous mess. Mikael hated it about him, but thing about being jealous for Even didn’t have anything to do with _trust_ , like Mikael tried to bring up in their fights. Just like with Mikael, he trusted Isak. It was everyone else he didn’t trust. Those people who made moves, no matter the status of someone were the ones he worried about. It was why Jonas still kind of worried him, made him jealous. He knew Isak’s jealousy came from the same place and if Isak was jealous all night, Even wouldn’t mind watching him clench that pretty jaw and pull Even closer and closer. 

“Oh, uh, I just remembered that Elias said Mikael and his girlfriend broke up and that we shouldn’t bring it up,” Even told him just as they reached Mahdi’s place. “He’s tender about it, I guess. Wouldn’t want to upset him.”

“Oh..okay, alright then,” Isak said a little hesitantly, he had just been about to turn the doorknob, but he dropped his hand and looked up at Even. “Guess he hasn’t found the love of his life yet, huh?” 

“We all find them at different times, Isak,” Even said, dropping the bag that held their beer on the ground and taking Isak’s chin. He gave him a brief kiss and then nuzzled his nose against Isak’s with a small smile, “I just happened to meet mine when I was five and much too young to know anything about love. Luckily, I learned.” 

“Do you write poetry?” Isak laughed lightly, his eyelids a bit droopy at the closeness, licking his lips in a way that told Even he wanted another kiss. A better one. “Because you always say the cheesiest--”

Even didn’t let him finish, just kissed him again, letting Isak fall into him. He put a hand on Isak’s hip and backed him up against the door as the boy wrapped his arms around Even’s neck. They’d spent all day being this soft, being this intimate and so much more and yet Even still couldn’t get enough of it. Isak still couldn’t get enough of him and it was just such a glorious feeling. Their lips parted and overlapped, their tongues colliding and dancing. Maybe they weren’t going to make it to the party or the pregame because Even wanted to take him back home already—and they weren’t even drunk yet. 

“Jeeesuuuusss,” a muffled voice said behind the door and suddenly it was opening, Isak beginning to stumble backwards. Even quickly grasped at his hips, keeping the two of them up as they stumbled into the doorway, pulling apart by the will of gravity. Mahdi stood aside and let them stagger in together, holding the door open and shaking his head, “I thought I heard something and then I look out the damn peephole to see you two getting it on against my door.” 

Everyone who was in the room laughed. Mahdi’s house opened up into the living room, so that was basically everyone. It looked like the only people who weren’t there yet were Even’s friends, Noora, Eva, and the mysterious Unni. Unless they were in the kitchen or somewhere else. 

“Fuck you guys,” Isak said, pulling away from Even and giving the group the finger before going out and grabbing the beer off the front step. 

“It’s my fault,” Even said with a light laugh, scratching the back of his neck and then following Isak as he grabbed one of the beers from their six pack. “Honestly, though, if you hadn’t interrupted us, I probably would have just taken him right back home.”

“Oh sure, ditch us at lunch and then again tonight,” Jonas said, shaking his head and laughing a little before he took a sip of his drink. 

“Did you guys literally just go home and fuck, because Isak wasn’t even in Physics today,” Magnus pointed out. It was the only class Isak had with a friend after lunch, but of course Magnus would notice he was missing. The one day he wasn’t sleeping through class, probably. Isak always talked about how he wasn’t even sure why Magnus even took Physics to begin with. 

“Astute observation, Magnus,” Isak said with an eyeroll as he gave Even a beer and grabbed one for himself, “Maybe if you paid half the attention you do to my sex life to fucking physics then you’d manage to get higher than a three on all of the tests.” 

“Physics is hard!” 

Everyone laughed and Isak and Even just smiled at each other, clinging their cans together and taking a sip of their drinks. Eva, Noora, and who Even assumed was Unni came into the room, asking everyone what was so funny—they had pink mixed drinks in hand and Noora handed an extra to Vilde.

It was after they finished their first beers that the boys showed up, knocking on the door with hooting and hollering. Mahdi answered it and greeted them all with bro-shakes. Even and Isak got up, greeting them too and then the party kicked up a notch. Music started, drinking games broke out, and Isak seemed to drink much faster, keeping up with the rest of the boys. Even assumed he’d only get two of their six pack at the rate Isak was going. 

Even was leaning against a wall, talking to Mutta, Adam, and Chris, laughing away at the funny things Chris had to say, and maybe even up-talking her to the boys. He was well into his second beer, and had a couple shots with Isak between beers, so he felt a buzz and for some reason, substances always made him want to hook people up. He didn’t know if either of them would be interested or if she’d be interested back, but, fuck, anything was worth a shot, “Seriously, what the fuck Chris? Have I ever told you that you’re like, the funniest person I know?”

“I’m hurt!” Mutta said, shoving Even’s shoulder as he calmed down laughing at Chris’ joke. Even gave him a shrug and looked passed him for a moment. Yousef and Sana were talking, smiling happily and bashfully at each other as they both sipped on water. Not too far from them it looked like Elias was trying to pull the moves on either Eva or Noora, or both. He wondered how that would go, the night was still so young and so much could happen.

“Don’t be hurt,” Chris said, sipping her drink and wiping some tears away from her eyes. “This guy is seriously in love with me, you have no idea.” 

“Eveeennnn!” Isak said, rushing up to him and wrapping his arms around him, knocking him into Chris a little. He smelled like weed and booze. “Thereee you are.”

“Right where you left me,” Even laughed, turning to him and pushing him back before resting his hands on his hips. He looked into his bloodshot eyes and raised a brow, “Someone’s got weed, huh?”

“Mmhmm,” Isak nodded and hooked his arms up underneath Even’s, his hands resting on his shoulder blades. “Jonas. Ohmygosh, that’s what I came over here to talk about, come here, it’s a secret. Cooome heeere.” He started pulling Even away and the looked at Mutta, Adam, and Chris. “I’m sorry! Where are my manners? Is it okay if I steal Even away? It’ll be quick.” 

“Yeah, man, go for it,” Adam said with a shrug which made Isak start pulling him away into a far corner where they could be seemingly alone. Even would have gone without Adam’s permission, because Isak just said he had something to talk about that was about _Jonas_ and he was much more drunk than when he had last seen him. He kind of needed to know before he got curiously jealous.

“How much have you drank, Isak?” Even asked before Isak stopped pulling. 

“Two beers and two..no wait, three shots, actually maybe four, and I felt nothing, but then I smoked and now I feel it _all_ ,” Isak nodded and took one more step back so his back hit the wall behind him. He smiled up at Even and pulled his chest into his own. “I was going to tell you something…”

“About Jonas…” Even pretended to say it to be helpful, but really he was prodding, just wanting to hear what Isak had to say. “Who you smoked with.” 

“Right, right,” Isak nodded and then pressed his lips to Even’s for a moment, apparently getting distracted by them for the time being. “Sorry, you’ve got kissable lips. But anyway, anyway I was smoking with Jonas and Mikael and I swear to God, Even, they are sitting in their hitting it off! I had to excuse myself because I swear there are sparks _flying_.” 

“Oh yeah?” Even raised an eyebrow, not sure how he felt about that. He wasn’t jealous or anything, but he knew Mikael, and Jonas was bound to hurt him with all his free spirit bullshit, wasn’t he? Or maybe Mikael had changed and random hookups were what he wanted, fuck, Even didn’t know anymore. “That’s cool, then.” 

“You’re not _jealous_ are you?”

“No, baby, no,” Even quickly took Isak’s hips again and leaned down, pressing their foreheads together. “Of course not, I promise. I’ve only got eyes for you and I’m going to kiss your drunk ass right now.” 

“You’re going to kiss my ass? Right now? Right here?” Isak asked, giggling and shaking his head as if he were the funniest man in the world. Even couldn’t help but to laugh, too. Jesus, he was drunk and sloppy and still somehow completely beautiful. 

“Alright, no more drinks until we get to the actual party,” Even told him, brushing his lips against Isak’s while he pressed his hands up the back of his shirt, sprawling out his fingers and hooking his thumbs around his rib cage, “For now, you’re just going to have to get drunk off of my lips.” He figured Isak should probably pace himself—he wasn’t as lightweight as he used to be, but if he kept up this pace, he’d be sick—it wouldn’t be that long until they went to the party, anyway. So, he didn’t feel so bad limiting him.  
*

The world was spinning around and Isak was feeling really damn good about it. He got more drunk than he had planned, but Even was amused with him so he just went with it. They grabbed a drink or two to share at the party and then he let Even take him to the dance floor, holding onto him as they bounced and grinded. Every now and then, someone else would rub up against his back and Isak would jump forward and cling to Even, wrapping his arms around him and holding himself close. As if everyone else had cooties and as far as Isak was concerned, they did. 

“We can stop dancing, if you want,” Even told him after Isak did this multiple times. It wasn’t like Isak was hating the dancing and usually he did. But, right now he was drunk enough not to care how ridiculous he looked, just wanting to be close to Even while he moved his body _like that_. But, Isak would much rather be in a place where Even was the only one touching him and Isak was the only one touching Even while they moved their bodies in a pretty similar way—but in a way that he knew he looked much less ridiculous in.

“I don’t mind dancing, baby,” Isak pouted and wrapped his arms around Even’s neck, brushing his lips against Even’s for a brief moment. “You’re having a good time, right? Or am I ruining it?”

“No, Isak, I mean, yes I’m having a good time, no you’re not ruining it,” Even pulled him back slowly, backing up through the crowd of dancers until he was up against a wall. He pulled Isak into his chest and smiled happily, “I always have a good time with you and you’re cute and giggly when you’re drunk, you know.” 

“You’re so cute, too, baby,” Isak smiled bashfully and pressed his hands through Even’s hair, watching it spring back up in its position. His hair fucking defied gravity, and was still so soft even with all the products in it for it’s James Dean style. “I love your hair and your eyes and your teeth. Even, have I ever told you about your teeth? You basically have fangs and when you’re biting my neck _oh my god_. They pierce in all the right ways.” 

“You have _never_ told me about my teeth,” Even smirked and then leaned down, starting to kiss around Isak’s neck until he found the perfect place to sink his teeth, “like this?” he mumbled as he bit into his skin. Isak couldn’t help but let out a little whimper at the sensation—he wasn’t kidding about those fangs. Nerves shot up and down his spine as the sensitive skin on his neck was pierced by them. Isak tilted his head back and begged for more while Even happily obliged. He dug his fingernails into Even’s shoulders and he grinded his hips against his body as Even covered his neck with wet kisses with those perfect lips and nibbles with those beautifully sharp teeth. 

“We..we should find a place to be alone,” Isak said, letting out a little moan right into Even’s ear. “We’ve never done anything _fun_ at a party, or even while we were drunk. Are you drunk? You know what, you go grab another beer, I’ll text you when I find a place for us.” 

“Maybe we should just go home and be alone there,” Even suggested, squeezing Isak’s hips and looking him in the eyes. 

“Nei, this is more fun,” Isak crooned, kissing him on the lips slowly for a few moments as he gripped on his shoulders tighter, “seriously, keep an eye on your phone, I’m going to be texting you as soon as I find something. A bedroom, a closet, a bathroom, whatever, I’m going down on you _at least_.” 

“Can’t I just come with you?” 

“You’re right, that’ll be quicker,” Isak smirked and then pulled away completely, grabbing his hand and pulling him through some more sweaty bodies as he searched for the stairs they passed earlier. Upstairs was going to be their best bet at a place where they could be alone, find a place with a lock on the door or at least a door that swung inwards so they could lean up against it to keep intruders at bay. 

Upstairs, the music thudded through the floor and random bodies filtered through the hallway. All of the doors were closed already, lustful shouts and moans slipping through the cracks while other people got off. Isak was jealous of the thought while he wiggled doorknobs and tried to find a door that opened, a place unoccupied. They could wait in line for the bathroom, but with all the girls in groups littered outside the door, they’d be getting off sooner if they just went home. He could try to pull some moves and get them to let him and Even go first, but they’d know what they were doing when they wound up in there for so long. He was probably drunk enough not to care, though. 

“Is this the line for the bathroom?” He asked, approaching the girls who seemed to be next in line. They lit up and smiled immediately, either recognizing the two of them or just being genuinely excited for male interaction. Isak thought he could handle either, drunk or not. Out of the closet or not, he still had to have his game, didn’t he? 

“Yeah,” A small and pretty brunette answered, standing up straighter and leaning more towards Isak with a smile and a slight wobble to her stance, “we’re next.”

“Oh, yeah, well,” Isak smiled back, searching his mind to try to figure out her signals. Was she trying to come onto him or was she just drunk? What would be the best thing to say next to get her to give them the bathroom? “I just—”

The bathroom door swung open and Isak thought about gunning it inside with Even, until he looked up from the girl and was looking into a pair of familiar brown eyes. A pair he hadn’t seen in weeks, staring back at him, wide and doe-like as ever. He backed up immediately into Even, who grabbed at his hips and held him closer as Emma stepped up to him, too. 

“Isak,” She said slowly, her face lighting up and growing a couple inches as she looked up from where Evens hands rested on his hips and past Isak’s face to look up at Even then back at Isak. “Hi! Wow, it’s been so long. Hey, if you’re here, so is Jonas, right? You guys hang out?”

“Emma, Jonas wouldn’t go near you with a twenty foot pole,” Even said from behind him, wrapping his arms protectively around Isak. “You probably shouldn’t be going near anyone until you get fucking evaluated. You shouldn’t even be going near Isak at all.” 

“Isak, what did you tell him?” Emma asked incredulously, stepping closer and causing Even and Isak both to step back in unison, moving as one. “Because you were really drunk, you know. I don’t think you’ve got an accurate memory from that night. You may have fabricated the story in your head because you didn’t want to admit to yourself that you couldn’t get it up for a girl. So glad you finally came out, by the way, you two are totally cute together.” 

“If it was in my head, then why the hell do you know exactly what it is that I told Even. That I told _Jonas_? And no, not the fucking stories about you having a dick or wanting to pay me,” Isak said incredulously, his drunken brain wondering where feminism stood on him hitting a girl, especially if she deserved it. “You know the story, what actually happened and so do they. You’re fucking psychotic, you know that? You _really_ should see someone.” 

“You told Jonas? Seriously, what the fuck Isak?” 

“I’m looking after my friend’s best interests, Emma, you’re lucky I don’t tell everyone at school that you’re a fucking rapist,” Isak snapped, he couldn’t believe that she was the one playing the victim here. His body was starting to shake, he really couldn’t handle her presence, her seeming innocence. He raised his voice, “That you’re so _fucking desperate_ that you’d fucking jump on a guy while he was asleep. A guy who told you no. Multiple! Fucking! Times! Fuck off, Emma. Seriously.” 

“Isak, Isak,” Even said calmly in his ear, pulling him backwards some more, “let’s get out of here, okay? People are starting to look and you said no drama. Let’s just go before you do something you regret. Come on.” 

 

 **~Saturday Morning~**  
*  
When Even woke up the next morning, Isak was asleep in his arms and all he could think was that when he woke up, he’d be in for a massive hangover and maybe some upset about the confrontation with Emma. Though the night before Isak had said he'd actually felt good about it, about standing up to her. But still, Even worried, so he pressed a few gentle kisses to his head and then slowly got up, being careful not to wake him. Isak had a hand loosely gripped to his side that slipped to the bed as Even got up. He stood there for a moment, smiling and looking at Isak as he slept. He couldn’t help but to grab his phone and snap a few pictures, immediately setting one as his background. Then, he got dressed—they were both naked after the night activities—and then left the room to get some food for him and his boy. 

His parents were in the kitchen, eating the breakfast they made, sipping coffee and flipping through the paper. Not unusual. He was still on edge about the Therapist and all the bullshit, so he just kept to himself, grabbing his own ingredients out of the fridge and starting to prepare a meal for two. Eggs, bagels, and greasy bacon, because Isak always craved greasy food and carbs when he was hungover.

“Morning, Even, how was your night last night?” His mom asked, leaning back in her chair and staring at Even’s back while he made food. Even couldn’t see it but he could feel her eyes. “We made enough food for you, you know.”

“I’m making Isak breakfast in bed, thanks,” Even said coldly, preferring to just not have confrontation with them. It’d be easier if they didn’t speak because then Even couldn’t get mad. He probably should have just let it go but he couldn’t bring himself to, not yet. Isak said they could look for jobs and apartments, so that Even had the option to leave if he wanted to and part of him really thought he could use the distance from them. 

“Well, that’s very sweet of you,” His mom said, getting up and refilling her coffee so she was standing right next to him while he cooked. “I’m sure he appreciates it very much. Is he okay?” 

“He’s fine, just asleep,” Even sighed and turned to her now, looking her in the eyes and raising his brows, “Is there something you want? Or?” 

“Even, she’s just being polite, you’ve been so cold,” Martin said from the table, putting down his paper and looking over at the two of them. “There are no ulterior motives, we just like to know what’s going on in your lives. Both you and Isak because we care.” 

“Yeah, okay, well,” Even turned back to the bacon, flipping it carefully so it wouldn’t splatter grease on him, “We’re both fine. I just wanted to do something nice for him because he’s always doing nice things for me. It’s what we do, you know, because we care about each other.” 

“Well, we can tell that,” Josefine said with a bright little laugh, one that actually sounded happy for her son, for the first time in a while, “You guys sure have been marking each other up pretty good. Even, honey, you’re being safe, right?”

“Yes, mom,” Even said with a groan, rolling his head back. They were the only two people in the world that made him feel awkward about sex, and he really didn’t need to hear the talk again. He and Isak were being safe, using condoms, and he was hoping that he could ask Isak if they could get tested soon so they could go without. Condoms were an unnecessary expense when there was no chance of pregnancy or diseases in a committed relationship. They just had to get tested and they’d be cleared to go without. Telling his parents that, however, was not going to be a thing. 

“Do you need us to buy you more condoms because you know we—”

“We’ve got it covered, we can buy condoms on our own,” Even sighed and turned his head to look at her, “can we stop talking about this now? Please?” 

“Maybe if you stop being so mad at us. We’re trying, you know,” Josefine told him as she went back to sit at the table. “And, we don’t want you to continuously threaten to move out on us. I want you to know that there’s no reason you shouldn’t live here. We’re letting Isak stay in his room, we have been trusting that you’ve been doing your homework, and we are very supportive of the relationship you two have, the mental and physical relationship.” 

“I know this is about my disorder, Mom,” Even said, finishing up the bacon and starting to make the eggs for him and Isak, cracking the shells skillfully and then turning around as he mixed in the milk and sour cream, “but I can’t live with you guys forever, anyway. Isak is helpful and it’s not like I wouldn’t visit or wouldn’t come to you if I needed you. We’d still be a family. Right now I’m only thinking about it, no more threatening to, I’ll let you know if I make a decision but for now, I just need to know that you’d be supportive if I did. Who knows, it could be good for all of us.”

 

His parents didn’t necessarily agree with his impending decision on moving out, but they did tell him that they’d be supportive as they could. That was definitely a start, something anyway, to help him stop feeling so angry at them. It was time they treated him like an adult and letting him move out with little qualms was helpful with that transition. Also, maybe not offering to buy him condoms, that would also be a good step in the treating-your-nineteen-year-old-son-like-less-of-a-child direction. 

He carried their food on plates into the room and coo’d at Isak until he got him to gently wake up. He was a little groggy and grumpy but he was thankful, showing it with kisses as he took his plate and sat up against Even’s headboard to eat. The two of them ate, mostly in silence as they enjoyed their food and the sounds of the morning coming from Even’s open window. It made it a little brisk, but they sat close with the blanket pulled up to their waists. When he was done eating, he got up and closed it, then grabbed his phone. He had a couple texts from Mikael and a picture message from Adam. 

“Oh my God, look at this,” Even laughed as he opened up the picture message. Adam took a picture of Elias standing between Noora and Eva. He had both his arms slung over each of their shoulders, drunkenly slouched forward while the two of them focused on each other, laughing about something. He sat back down and showed Isak, “Tell me who’d be more jealous of that threesome, Magnus or Jonas?” 

“Jonas, probably,” Isak laughed and looked at it for a moment, then up at Even, “but I don’t know if there’s any threesome business going on there. You’re starting to convince me about Noora and Eva. I bet they dumped his ass at home and went back to one of their places.” 

“Hah! I told you that there’s something going on there,” Even laughed then leaned back against the headboard, opening up the texts from Mikael. 

****

**-Mikael-**

_What do you know about that Jonas guy? 09:47_

_He stayed at my place but when I woke up her was gone. 09:48_

_Sorry if that’s tmi 09:50_

_He’s a "free spirit," I guess. You should probably talk to him about it  
10:27_

_Do you need his number?  
10:28_

_Got it, thanks 10:30_

“Looks like you might have been right about Mikael and Jonas,” Even told Isak, handing him the phone. He took away his now-empty plate and set it on top of his own, watching as Isak read the messages in amusement. “I’m not sure if Mikael is going to go for the uh, _free spirit_ stuff, though.”

“I guess we’ll just see, huh?” Isak asked, looking at Even as he handed the phone back. His gaze was suspicious, his eyes squinting a little as if he was trying to read Even’s emotions on the matter. Even had been a little worried about the outcome of it last night, but now he couldn’t care less. “No more scheming though, when it comes to Jonas? We’ll let them go about this alone?”

“Absolutely,” Even said with a small smile as he moved to straddle Isak’s lap, running his hands down his bare chest. “I’d rather just focus on you and I, you know. We’ve got a really good thing going here, don’t you think?”

“A great thing, except you’re wearing way too much clothes,” Isak laughed and then pushed up at Even’s shirt. Even pulled it off immediately and smiled at him. The only things left were his sweats and his boxers, and he knew he could get them off in record time. “Mm, that’s a little better.” 

“You want me naked, huh?” Even leaned down and kissed along his jaw as he talked, absolutely not minding the idea, “You’re not too hungover to have sex, then?” 

“I’m not that hungover, actually,” Isak laughed a little and ran his hands down Even’s back, nice and slow as he scratched his fingertips in gently, tilting his head back for Even. “I was actually pretty sober by the time we went to sleep last night. Fuck, last night was amazing.” 

“Oh, yeah?” Even smirked and kissed down his neck to his collarbones, kissing down to his pecks and sinking his teeth in over his heart. He teased a little bit as he pulled back. “And are you going to let me go near your ass? Or do you want to be on top?”

“You can be top,” Isak said slowly, putting his hands on Even’s ass and giving it a little squeeze. He licked his lips and narrowed his gaze in on Even’s with a devious little smirk, “Buuuut, I want to be _on_ top.” 

“Fuck,” Even felt his dick twitch just thinking of it. He thought maybe it’d take a little while for Isak to gain this sexual confidence, but he seemed to be diving right in. Probably because they were having sex constantly at this point. Even wasn’t complaining, Isak was so fucking hot and he loved being with him like that, “You want to ride me? Am I fucking dreaming right now?” 

“No, you’re not, now put on some music before we get carried away and forget,” Isak pushed Even off of him and giggled a little as Even moved quickly, taking their precautions and removing his sweats and boxers before joining Isak back on the bed, eagerly kissing him into the sheets. The covers were still pulled over Isak’s lower half as Even's body rested on top of his. Their lips swelled and pressed as they grinded up against one another, their lower halves growing with need. Once Isak was moaning into his mouth over and over, Even started kissing lower. 

He worked his mouth slowly down Isak and over his dick, spreading his legs and moving in between them. He teased a little with his mouth at first, but then eventually was he working him open with lube-covered fingers. Isak continued out his moans and cries of pleasure, pleading for more as Even continued slow and gentle and totally fucking gone for the boy he was working into the lustful madness below him. 

Once he was open enough, Isak took over. Even was three fingers deep in the boy and Isak just pushed him back. His head landing on the opposite side of the bed from the pillows as Isak ripped open the condom and put it on for him. Just that little bit of pressure from him made Even completely weak for what was to come. They’d had sex multiple times at this point, and yet it was still so surreal every time. It was ridiculous how much it meant to Even, it even scared him a little, the same way it used to scare him that he felt a piece of him missing without Isak around. Could it be this healthy to be so completely head-over-heels? To be so completely infatuated and lost in his boyfriend’s eyes, hair, his fucking soul?

“Baby, please,” Even pleaded, reaching for Isak’s hips as he ran some lube up and down Even’s member over the condom, squeezing it and massaging it more than Even needed. What Even needed was him, now. 

“Okay, okay,” Isak smirked and then leaned over Even, putting a hand on his shoulder and looking into his eyes as he slowly sank down onto Even’s dick. His jaw clenched as he took in the stretch, digging his nails into Even’s shoulder as he slowly settled down with little tiny sighs of lust and pleasure that left his lips. Even couldn’t take his eyes off the sight, guiding Isak’s hips down until he was completely sunk into him. Isak paused, closing his eyes and pushing himself up into a more upright position as he adjusted. 

“When you’re ready…” Even managed to get out, his mouth falling open as he took in Isak from the new angle. He’d seen Isak like this a good amount of times, his neck completely exposed to him and the underneath of his perfectly sculpted jaw available for his eyes only, but with the feeling and warmth radiating through their nether regions, it was basically a religious experience. He pictured a halo over his head as Isak glowed in his fervor. 

“S-so deep,” Isak whimpered, resting his hand on Even’s chest. He looked down as he kept his upright position and started rocking his hips. Even watched in amazement as the pleasure took over his body even further, his hips gently grinding up into Isak’s as he moved. Even ran his hands up his sides, over his chest and abs, feeling Isak’s body shudder and convulse as his moans started pouring out of those pretty lips—hopefully covered by the music but Even really didn’t have it in him to care at the moment. 

“You’re so fucking hot Isak,” Even groaned, tweaking his nipples a little and watching as the boy’s head shot back, staring up at the ceiling and baring the entire length of the pretty skin that was on his neck and rightfully covered in hickeys. His adam’s apple bobbed with every new moan that escaped him. Even wanted to devour his neck as Isak moved his hands to rest behind him on Even’s thighs, moving his hips faster as the two of them relished in this new angle. The sight was almost unbearable, he wouldn’t last with Isak’s body completely open to him like this, fucking himself onto Even with a ferocity Even almost couldn’t comprehend. 

“Evenn oh god, you feel so good,” Isak moaned some more, pushing off Even’s thighs and then leaning forward down into Even’s chest, kissing it and then up his neck as his hips moved faster on Even, circling around with Even fucking up harder into him, “need to kiss you.” 

“Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me,” Even said breathlessly, moving his hands to his face and pulling it up to Even’s. Hed kissed him hard and sloppy while they continued their movements. Isak moaned more into his mouth as Even’s tongue flicked into Isak's mouth to the beat of their thrusts. He could feel Isak’s body throbbing with lust through every thrust, shivers shooting up his spine, through their lips, and then down Even’s spine. 

He couldn’t help but take over as he felt the two of them growing close. He was going to make Isak climax and try to come at the same time. He wrapped his arms around Isak and sat up, their chests pressing together as their hips continued a sloppy rubbing and colliding. They kissed and Even thrusted up into him a few more times with as much force as he could muster in that position, then led Isak down onto his back, hands on his back as he lifted him into the new position. He pulled their lips apart and thrusted harder, moving down to bite and nibble his neck the way he liked, feeling him tense up as moan after moan after beautiful fucking moan escaped his lips. The sounds pushed Even, the salty taste of his sweaty skin pushed him, too as he pulled away and held Isak’s gaze, trying to time his climax as he found his own. 

“Baby, I—,” Isak moaned, his body convulsing with pleasure as he started coming on his stomach, “I love you,” he managed to choke out as Even continued his thrusts, pulling him over the edge and working him through it until he found his own apex, moaning out Isak’s name as he came inside the condom. The world came down around him, crumbing with colors as as he collapsed down onto Isak. Isak’s body being the only thing he could feel in the moment, Isak’s shallow breathing and heartbeat being the only thing he could hear, Isak’s eyes being the only thing he could see as he rested his forehead on his. 

“I love you, too, Isak,” Even found himself saying as shudders of emotion rippled through him. He rested his entire body on top of Isak’s, come rubbing between their stomachs and chests as he pulled out slowly, “I’m so fucking gone for you, Isak. So fucking gone, it’s terrifying. Don’t ever leave me, please.” He suddenly felt so vulnerable and tears tried to spill from his eyes. He had only ever cried after the first time they had sex, he didn’t know why this felt so special, why this pulled him to a place where he was scared, worried about Isak suddenly being gone. “Don’t leave me, don’t leave me, please. I would be so alone.” 

“Even, Even baby,” Isak coo'd, running his hands through Even’s hair and then rolling over so he could be on top, looking down at him with concern, “I’m not leaving, I’m not going anywhere. I’m never, never going to let you be alone. I promise and I’ll promise you every day if I have to. I love you, please don’t think I’m going to leave you. Please.”  
*

**~Saturday Afternoon~**

After Even was done with his little breakdown, Isak held him in his arms for a little while, slightly worried about him. When they had sex it was always so intense, but maybe this time it had been too intense, maybe there was just so much on his mind and it got to him. Isak didn’t know, but he was going to keep his eye on him. He wasn’t going to let him be alone. He’d never be lonely if Isak had anything to say about it. He played with his hair and just let Even relax in silence for a little longer until Isak got up and got dressed to take care of their plates and to grab a wet washcloth for the dried come all over their torsos. He washed them both off then kissed Even’s face over and over. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked gently, caressing his face with his hand and sitting next to where he was laying on the bed. He was still naked—condom discarded—and underneath the blankets now, just relaxing and taking deep breaths. Isak had to assume that the fact that he was taking deep breaths instead of holding his breath meant something. He always held his breath when everything else was too much. After an episode or during his otherwise random bouts of depression. 

“I’m okay,” Even smiled and shook his head a little, “I’m sorry if I scared you. I feel a lot better now. It was just...in the moment. I just...I was feeling so much and I guess I just lost it. There are a lot of people who cry after sex..and I’ve always been afraid to lose you, you know.” 

“And I’ve always been afraid of losing you,” Isak told him honestly, trying to trust Even’s words and his breathing, but still feeling a little panicked. Sometimes Isak felt like he might cry after sex, but he didn't, and Even hadn't until this point and it was accompanied by a plea of words that came from fear. “But I recently realized that I won’t ever lose you because neither of us are going to let that happen. Not even if we lived for a million years. Just keep breathing, baby, I’m here, you’re not alone.” 

“I know,” Even sat up, small smile on his face as he placed a gentle kiss on Isak’s cheek. “I’m okay and I’m so lucky to have you.”

“Mm, so how do you want to spend the rest of our day?” Isak asked, deciding to leave it up to him, make sure they did something that he wanted to do, at least for a while as he continued to come down from the high of the climax that sent him over the literal edge. 

“We should search for jobs and stuff, you know, like you said,” Even told him. “Maybe catch up with Eskild later? We haven’t seen him in like, a week and maybe he’ll want to watch movies or something? Instead of another party?”

“I’ll text him.” 

 

Isak ended up being the one doing the most research, he even filled out a few job applications online for Even. They only applied to a few for now, testing their luck and seeing how it went. Isak spent some time being calculative and finding average prices for one bedroom apartments, flats, lofts in the area, seeing what they would need to actually afford all of this. All the while, Even drew more of their comics, answering Isak’s random questions about himself and about locations for the apartments. Otherwise, Isak was keeping the books on this. 

They’d have to save up a lot. A lot of these places required them to put down a security deposit, first and last month's rent when they signed on to live there. So, even if they got jobs right away, there was no guarantee it’d happen anytime soon, but Isak just kept his and Even’s hopes high, saying they could do it if they absolutely needed to, and they could. They would eventually, they’d get there. Isak believed it. 

“Maybe I actually should get in touch with my dad,” Isak spoke out eventually, thinking about the money he was giving Even’s parents. 

“Why do you think that?” Even asked, eyebrow raised as he looked up from the comic he was drawing, stopping and paying all the attention in the world to what Isak had to say. 

“Well, he’s giving your parents money,” Isak explained, biting his lip and chewing it over for a second, “Maybe he’d give the money straight to me while I finished up school, or something? If I tell him I’m living alone, or like in a flat share with friends or something.”

“Lie to him to get what you want? Not a bad idea,” Even said sarcastically before rolling his eyes and shaking his head, “fuck that guy and his money. If you don’t think he would give it to you because you’re living with me then fuck no. We’ll figure it out without him. Or maybe we’ll get my parents to give us the money he’s giving them but fuck it, you don’t have to talk to that asshole. Trust me.”

“Alright,” Isak sighed a little and nodded. It would have been the easier way to go, but he supposed Even had a point.

“Did you text your Mom’s caregiver about visiting tomorrow?” 

“Yeah babe,” Isak smiled small and then went back to the screen in front of him. He was going to start to budget with fake numbers until he figured out a reasonable way for them to live off two part time jobs alone. “She said we can come over any time after 14:00 and before 21:00. Sound good?”

 

 **~Saturday Evening~**  
*  
Eskild served them tea and they sat in the living room, flipping through Netflix and deciding what they should watch. Eskild had a horrendous taste in movies, and it seemed the only ones they agreed on at the time were musicals. But, there were still only some musicals Even could stand and they weren't on Netflix so they were at a standstill and getting caught in conversation instead. Even would rather that than watching one of Eskild's ridiculous movies.

“So you guys are good? Everything is working out over in your cute little universe?” Eskild asked, holding his mug in two hands and sipping his tea as he looked over at them from across the couch were they were cuddled up sideways, Isak between Even’s legs. 

“We are perfect, the world around us might be a little unstable, but Isak is my rock,” Even gushed, pressing his lips to the side of Isak’s head. It was true, there were a lot of big things that were rocking their world lately, tremors of emotions and shocking news and parental breaks, but Isak was remaining stable and steady, grounding Even beneath it all. “He even got us rocks that remind us of each other so that we never have to miss each other, so he's my literal rock, too. Which is adorable. He’s adorable.” 

“Wow, that is some next level gay, baby Isak, I’m proud,” Eskild laughed and Isak gave him the middle finger. “Speaking of gay, what about Jonas? He didn’t call either of my friends. As if they weren’t any good for him, please. Total hotties, I literally put hotties in his damn lap and nothing. Maybe you’re just pretty enough to resemble a girl, Isak.” 

“Eskild, I swear to god, I am going to ring your neck if you make one more jab at me,” Isak told him in this fake threatening tone that made Even want to squeeze him and laugh. He just smiled to himself, instead, though, let the two of them beef it out.

“Oh sh, you know I’m kidding.” 

“Actually, Jonas hooked up with my ex last night,” Even shrugged a little and then pressed his chin to the top of Isak’s head. “Mikael. You met him, right?”

“I remember Mikael, he's a hottie, too,” Eskild nodded and laughed a little, “Who knew you and Jonas had the same taste in guys? This is like, a couples switch, maybe you can all be brother husbands or whatever, make a TV show out of it.” 

“Fuck no,” Isak said immediately, squirming between Even’s legs and then looking back at him as if to confirm that Even was on the same page with him before going on. “I’m not sharing Even with anyone, thank you. And if he wants to share me, well then, I’m going to be really upset with him.” 

“Isak someday, you’ll understand my humor,” Eskild laughed some more and shook his head, “Obviously today is not that that day, but someday, Isak, someday.” He paused for a moment, making a thoughtful face and tilting his head side to side, “Anyway, you think Jonas is going to settle down with him?” 

“My money’s on no, but I have no idea,” Even shrugged, making sure to be nonchalant. He and Isak agreed not to focus on this and so he was going to keep that up. It was definitely what was best seeing as both of their former love-interests were involved. “But, if we want to talk gay—”

“Even, do not, they’re roommates!” Isak stopped him, turning around and looking at him with wide eyes. He knew exactly where Even was going with that, and it kind of made Even smile. He kissed his lips a couple of times then laughed and looked over at Eskild, who was already completely and absolutely fuming with curiosity. Isak probably shouldn’t have said _that_ if he didn’t want Eskild to know. Isak followed Even's gaze and then facepalmed as he realized that too, “For fucks sake.” 

“Tell me, tell me, tell me!” 

“Do you think Noora is straight?” Even raised a brow, diving right into the subject without actually giving anything away besides his curiosity on the subject. Not that Eskild didn't have the ammunition to make that jump, but oh well, too late now.

“She’s never told me otherwise, but why? Do you know something I don’t,” Eskild clapped his hands some more and smiled all excitedly, “Is there another gay under my roof? Do I get another prodigy as a Guru? Oh my God this is so exciting.” 

“Even doesn’t know anything,” Isak said quickly, putting his hand up to stop Eskild as if to tell him not to get his hopes up. “He just thinks that maybe she and Eva are going to have a thing. Or that they do. Or that she has a not-reciprocated-thing for Eva. But neither of us know anything for sure. Just observation.” 

“Wait? Eva? The two of them are here right now?? In Noora’s room,” Eskild clapped again and then shot out of his seat, “oh my god do you think they’re… let’s go listen by the door, see if we can hear anything.”

“Oh my god, no, guys, I am not doing that, that’s a total invasion of privacy,” Isak shook his head and pulled away, looking at Even incredulously, but honestly, Even didn’t see that it was such a big deal. All they needed was one comment, hell, one little moan from one of the girls and they would have their answer and would come back to the living room with that knowledge. And then he could find some way to get them to talk about it, not pry it out of them, but ease it out of them nice and slowly. He just needed confirmation.

“Fine, wait here, we’ll be back, I'm just going to do some investigating” Even kissed the side of Isak’s lips as he huffed and crossed his arms on the couch. Even followed Eskild down the hall, walking as quiet as they could and then pressing their ears up to the door. There was giggling and whispered talk. They’d have to talk louder if Even and Eskild were going to get anything out of it. He pressed his ear to the door harder, as if it would help at all. More giggling, a little thud of a noise and then Eva saying, “ _Faen?_ ” in a confused tone before there was some rustling and the door flying open at a speed that caused both Eskild and Even to fall into the doorway.

“I can see your shadows underneath the door, you know,” Noora said, putting her hands on her hips and looking down at the two boys, “What the hell were you trying to do?”  
*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having fun dangling this Nooreva thing I think I could do it forever. 
> 
> as always, comments and kudos are GREATLY appreciated.


	13. How Quickly We Become Twisted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, sorry it took longer than usual to update, there was a dog staying at my house who wanted to eat my cat so I was busy making sure she was safe ~~~ 
> 
> Anyway here's a whirlwind of a chapter, to say the least. Warnings include: sex, more Emma stuff talk, fights--physical and verbal--and a surprise that maybe you could have seen coming or not but yeah, if you didn't dun dun dunnnnn.

**~Sunday Morning~**  
*  
Once again, Even lay in bed while Isak slept away into the late morning. Even had gotten up, showered, eaten cereal with Ana and watched part of _Frozen_ with her—he may have had a small guilty pleasure for it, but he gave her hell about it anyway. Now, he was sitting up against Isak’s headboard while his boyfriend slept. Not too long ago, Isak and rolled over and his head was now resting on Even’s thigh, drooling away on his jeans and almost too close to his dick for comfort. He was probably going to have to wake him up soon, because if his nuzzled in one more time, Even wasn’t going to be able to keep himself under control. 

“Oh, Isaaaak,” He coo’d gently, setting down his phone and then running his hands through Isak’s locks slowly and gently. He wiggled his leg just a little, watching Isak start to wake up. His nose scrunched up and he slid his hand up Even’s thigh and to his mouth, wiping the drool away from it as he opened his eyes. Even could have moaned at the sight and the gentle grazing of his groin. But, he just smiled down at him and poked fun instead, “You drooled all over my pants.” 

“Oh, sorry,” Isak said groggily and nuzzled his head against his leg once more before slowly lifting it up and looking down at the wet on Even’s jeans. He left out a soft little groggy giggle and then looked up at Even again. “It looks like you came in your pants.” 

“I was about to,” Even barked out a laugh and shook his head, surprised by Isak’s quick wit already. He helped Isak sit up and held him as he rested his head on Even’s shoulder, his body still heavy from sleep. He kissed his curls and tangled his fingers up in the hair on the back of his head, letting Isak slip his hand inside Even’s jean jacket and hook it around his ribs, “I’ll have to change before we go to see you Mom, now. You’re still up for that, right?” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Isak said, clearing his throat a little and letting out another little breathy giggle, “except that’s not exactly what I was thinking about when I was talking about you coming in your pants.” 

“God, I hope not,” Even pressed a few more kisses to Isak’s head and then pulled him into his lap. His sleepy bones settled right in with no protest and Even had to smile. It was so perfect, how they fit together, how they somehow molded perfectly as they tangled and twisted together.

“You’re making me sit in my own drool,” Isak said as his head moved to meet Even’s eyes, making an unfavorable face. “So, I hope you’re not trying to turn me on because I am currently disgusted with myself.” 

“I find your drooling to be extremely cute, so don’t be disgusted,” Even pecked his lips and then pressed his forehead to Isak’s. Everything he did was cute, because it was him who was doing it. He could definitely handle a little drool on his leg, seeing as Isak's mouth had touched him practically everywhere anyway. “But, why on earth would I ask about your Mom if I was trying to turn you on. Jeez, babe, get your head out of the gutter. I was just trying to get you up, you know. You probably would have slept well into the afternoon if I didn’t wake you.” 

“Can you blame me? We were up so late with Eskild and Noora and Eva,” Isak shook his head and then moved to straddle Even’s thighs, sliding back away from the drool and reaching his hands up over his head to stretch out while Even watched happily. His naked torso arching towards him, his groin pressing into Even’s lower thighs and his arms reaching out as far as they could over his head. So pretty. His voice even sounded like it was stretching as he went on talking, “I just don’t understand why you don’t sleep more.”

They spent the rest of the night with Eskild, and Noora and Eva, too after the girls had caught them spying. Still no answers on the _are they or aren’t they a thing?_ front because after Noora had caught them, Eskild made up some lame excuse about how they wanted to hear some of the latest gossip, and then Noora scolded them for trying to invade their privacy. They all ended up drinking some wine and hanging out in the living room with the TV on in the background to nothing in particular while they talked about nothing in particular. Around one in the morning, they finally left the flat share and headed home, just to get into the sheets and not be able to keep their hands off each other. 

“I don’t know, it’s like I have this internal clock that tells me it’s time to get up at like eight, sometimes nine if I’m lucky,” Even shrugged, reaching out and squeezing Isak's hips as he settled back from his morning stretch. “Once I’m up, I’m up. There’s no rolling over and going back to sleep. Feels like a waste.” 

“Weird, because to me it’s just like...more sweet, sweet sleep,” Isak laughed and then leaned back in once more, kissing Even on the lips for a longer kiss this time. Nice and slow, telling Even he was finally awake. He let out a dramatic sigh as Even pushed him away, “I wanna kisssss.” 

“Yeah, well,” Even reached out and caressed his cheek with a little sigh of his own, “your head was just near my dick for way too long and I’m sensitive and _you’re_ sensitive in the morning and kissing can only lead to some very inappropriate things.” 

“I see no harm in that,” Isak shrugged and leaned back in, nuzzling his nose to Even’s as he wrapped his arms around his neck, “Morning sex is fun, and a great way to start the day.” 

“But I already showered and we’re going to see your Mom in a couple of hours so you should shower, too,” Even told him seriously, but ran his hands down Isak’s back, anyway, squeezing at his ass and raising an eyebrow. “Besides, it wouldn’t be how I’ve started my day. I’ve done like, a bunch of things without you while you slept. My day began around two hours ago.” 

 

Even ended up blowing Isak because, well, why not start out his day with an orgasm. Especially if he was going to be stressed about seeing his Mom. And, although it was all his idea, Even was a little stressed too, with Josefine’s words swirling around in his head about Marianne. That she was no longer herself because of the Schizophrenia. Was it really true? Wasn’t she some version of herself in some way? She had been undiagnosed for years, and they all found her to be herself during that time. So, technically, in some way, whatever she was, whatever she became...wasn’t it who she was? Who she always was? He didn’t know if that meant that if his disorder got out of control that would still make him himself or someone else. He hadn’t ever compared himself to her or anyone else, because what was happening in him wasn’t happening to anyone else. Not in the same ways, anyway. It was him, specifically. 

He just hadn’t thought about who she was and what she’d become until his Mom said something about it. And now he had to know. For himself. So, maybe their visit was a little bit selfish. Just to see. Just to try to find something that would make him feel better about all of it.

But Marianne had always been kind of strange in ways that Even always kind of liked. One time, she was out shopping for groceries on a Saturday and Even and Isak were at her house, so she took them with her. Even was probably nine or ten at the time, making Isak seven or eight, so they weren’t all that enthused to go to the grocery store. But, she made the trip fun. 

“What do you think, apples or oranges?” She asked the two boys, holding up one of each in her hands as she inspected them. A comparison that was apparently impossible. Isak and Even really didn’t care either way, they only ate fruit when they asked for a snack and that was what they were told they could have because it was too close to dinner or bedtime or whatever. But, she caught their interest, or Even’s at least with the next line, “I mean, they both have so much character, you know? Apples are almost shaped like a heart and they keep the doctor away and maybe that’s because of the relation. I don’t know, little apple, perhaps you have a magical ability to pump your little healthy vitamins straight to your cousin, the heart,” she lifted it up higher and then pressed it to her chest, right over her heart with a little sigh and Even watched curiously. Hearts and apples being related, did that make sense or was she putting on some sort of show to make him want to eat apples more? 

“But oranges,” She went on, setting the apple down beside her after she had her moment with it. She cupped the orange in both hands as if it were something to be worshipped, “They’re a cousin to the sun. We eat them and our body radiate with light, with goodness, with warmth. And an orange like this truly deserves to be eaten by a growing boy who needs the sun during these cold winter months, isn’t that right, Isak?” 

“Uh, sure,” Isak said, his face contorted in confusion and embarrassment as he watched his Mom interact with the fruit. Even watched him for a moment and then Isak looked back and gave him a little shrug as if to say he had no idea what she was going on about. But, Even kind of liked the display, it was either creative or true or completely crazy, but he didn’t care. He reached out and nudged Isak’s arm with his elbow and gave him a smile, trying to tell him not to be embarrassed, parents did weird things all the time. And the weird things Marianne did were actually kind of cool and creative.

“You should get both, Mrs. Valtersen,” He told her, going over and grabbing a bag to start helping her put apples in, “I don’t think we can choose when they can’t be compared. We need both, sunshine and healthy hearts..” 

“Both it is!” She smiled and then started picking out oranges, putting them in a bag for herself. Isak came over and helped them both quietly. 

Over the years it wasn’t just fruit that had some unlikely cousins or relatives—she firmly believed that Donald Trump was Isak’s uncle. It wasn’t just fruits that told her that they would help people out in times where there were too many clouds and not enough sun—she had a few remedies for that: multiple lights on in every room of the house, pocket bibles and crosses above doorways. It wasn’t just fruit that pumped good vibes directly to the heart—she had growing collections that spoke to her in that manner now, things that made her heart feel full even after Terje left. 

So, she was still herself in some way, even if she wasn’t all there, wasn’t she?  
*

**~Sunday Afternoon~**

When Isak and Even got to Isak’s childhood home, where his mom still lived, Isak let himself in with the key he still had. He wasn’t really ever sure if that was the right thing to do anymore, because it really wasn’t his house anymore. But Lea knew they were coming, he had texted her, so he hoped it would be okay and wouldn't she ask for the key back if she didn't want him using it? He called out a warm “Hello, we’re here,” as they crossed the threshold, not sure where they would find the two. It was always dependent on his Mom’s head as to what they’d be doing, wherever it was at could place them in any room of the house, decorating, crafting, reading, or if she was down, sleeping. It was hard to tell, hard to predict.

When no one called back, he assumed that they would be in the backyard, so he held Even’s hand and led him through to the kitchen where the glass sliding doors were that led there. Before they walked through them, he could see Lea and his Mom walking through her garden. The past summer she had picked up gardening and she had so many flowers that the backyard was officially covered in them. Now, with the winter months looming over them, most of the flowers appeared to be dead and dying, and it was kind of sad to see. knowing what had been blooming and that it had been that long since he’d last been there, made his heart clench up. But, his Mom was still smiling as she walked through the dried and dead, bending down and picking out the flowers that still appeared to be at least partially alive. 

“Hey guys,” he announced himself as the two of them walked outside, no longer holding hands. Marianne stood up and Lea turned on her heel, both of them smiling in their direction as they saw them standing there. 

“Isak, Even,” Lea smiled and rushed over to the two of them, giving them hugs, “It’s so good to see you. I was so happy to hear you wanted to visit. Marianne has really been doing very well these past couple of days, but family is always good for her. She’s got friends through the church and the group she’s in at the hospital, but your visits always tend to lift her spirits.” 

“I’m sorry we haven’t been over in a while,” Isak said guiltily, actually feeling pretty terrible that it had been so long. It wasn’t his Mom’s fault she was sick, and he needed to do a better job at being a good son. Especially if family was so helpful for her. Especially because he was all she had. Even if she didn’t listen to him, even if it felt like she didn’t care what was going on in his life, she still needed him. 

“Oh, it’s fine, really,” Lea waved her hand and smiled, not giving any sign of whether or not it was actually fine, “School can be time consuming and we all know that life can get in the way. Really, don’t feel bad. Anyway, we’re just going through and picking out the flowers that are still left to put them in vases around the house. She’s got a collection of vases now that she’s really proud of. I’m sure she’ll love to show you.” 

“Can we help?” Even asked in a hopeful voice beside him, looking out past Lea and at Marianne in the garden. 

“Of course, I’m sure she’d love that,” Lea smiled and nodded and then Even patted Isak on the back and headed over to the garden. He seemed excited and Isak couldn’t help but smile after him for a moment before looking at Lea. 

“I’ve got a question for you,” Isak said slowly, knowing it was probably better to get Lea’s thoughts on this before he just went straight to his mom. He didn’t want her to have a fit, some sort of episode, trigger her into a depression or one of her bouts where the only person she’d talk to was God. She may have been doing well, but that could all change with the wrong trigger. Lea just nodded and waited for him so he went on. “Even and I, we’re...kind of a couple now, dating, whatever. I kind of want to tell her about it but I know she’s got a lot of religious views and I don’t know. Do you think it’s a bad idea? Is it going to trigger something?” 

“I think it’d be great if you tell her, Isak,” Lea placed a hand on his shoulder and smiled up at him. He had always liked her, she was so kind to him and Even’s family ever since she was assigned to his mother. She helped Marianne out tremendously and seemed to have an honest affection for her, something she needed. “She may be religious, but I think she might surprise you. Honestly, it’s great news. She loves Even, you know.” 

“Yeah, I know,” Isak said with a smile. She did know that Even wasn’t straight, or well, part of her knew. Sometimes she didn’t hold on to things like that and she’d been diagnosed around the time he came out, so it was kind of a toss up. But she never really seemed to mind when the subject of his boyfriend—Mikael at the time—came up. He just hoped it’d be the same when Isak was the boyfriend they spoke of, “I do, too.” 

 

They picked out flowers with Marianne, she had stories for each of the different types, what their colors meant and how they work for each different room of the house. She needed a perfect ratio of colors, so by the end of finding the flowers that were actually still left to be picked, it got a little difficult and they ended up having to toss a few. But Even put one behind Isak’s ear and then they all ended up with flowers behind their ears. Isak finding Even particularly breathtaking with his.

They were in the kitchen with his Mom’s collection of vases on the table, putting together the little bouquets in the ways that Marianne wanted as she droned on about the importance of each different types of vase. How their shapes and designs really made a difference in how they spoke for the flowers—who were apparently their children. The way Even smiled and continuously asked her more and more made Isak happy, gave him his own fuel for talk. Even though he never really knew what to say to her, Even helped him tremendously. 

“So, we want two vases per room,” Marianne went on once all the flowers were placed, she picked up two and set them on the counter, “these two must stay in here because they’re the most supple. They'll make sure all of the food stays full and nutritious. Those two need to go in the living room, those six in the bedrooms, those two for the study and the last two in the bathroom. But they need perfect placement. Would you like to help?” 

Of course they helped, listening to Marianne tell them where each vase would be most influential, which flower had to be front and center, which way the vases were most rewarding for each room. And it didn’t take as much time as Isak had suspected; she seemed to know exactly where she wanted each one. The last one they placed was in Isak’s former room. It was almost exactly how he left it. Little signs that he was long gone littered throughout the room. The bed completely made up and not slept in, an empty closet besides a few sweatshirts and jackets he left behind, empty dresser, and a clean desk besides his Mom’s clutter of collections. There was a cross above the door now, the flowers placed on the dresser and the desk, a decorative plate with a lighthouse on the desk next to the vase there, and a bible sitting on the other side. 

But the walls were still blue, the stain on the floor next to his bed from the time he spilled chocolate ice cream on the white carpet was still there. And he’d bet that if he lifted the comforter off the bed, underneath would be his Superman sheets that he’d embarrassingly had through the age of fifteen. 

“Everything okay, babe?” Even asked as Lea and his Mom left the room, claiming that it was time for tea. He wrapped his arms around his waist and looked down at Isak with a raised eyebrow. “Are you having a good time?”

“Yeah, yeah, this is actually going pretty well,” Isak smiled, and wrapped his arms around Even’s neck, wanting to laugh about them being in his room, the last time they’d kissed in here had been five years ago when neither of them had the guts to actually tell the other how they felt. “I can’t believe she’s doing so well, actually. I mean, I still don’t know what she’s saying half the time, but she’s pretty happy today, at least.” 

“Maybe that’s because you’re here, helping her with her projects, looking so damn cute with that flower in your hair,” Even smiled and leaned down, brushing his lips against Isak’s then pulling back, “Just because she’s, you know, not all there doesn’t mean she loves you any less, doesn't mean your company means any less to her. Besides, you really light up a room, you know that?” 

“Oh, shut up,” Isak laughed and then kissed him once more before pulling him out of the room to meet Lea and his Mom back in the kitchen for tea. Even and Isak sat next to each other at the table, Even’s foot slipping over Isak’s and his hand resting on his thigh under the table as they let Marianne talk and talk about today’s sermon at Church. Something about being made in God’s image and blah blah blah. Isa should have paid more attention, but he always felt like religion was a bunch of mumbo jumbo that made little to no sense. Even was paying enough attention for the both of them, anyway. 

“That’s really interesting, Marianne,” Even said with a smile and then nudged Isak a little, as if telling him that now would be the perfect time to tell her. 

“Totally interesting, Mom,” Isak said and swallowed hard, not really sure how to make the transition into telling her. But, he supposed that if he didn’t and he just let her go on, it would probably never happen. There would never actually be a good transition, not with her mind in every seemingly possible direction. Isak knew that. “But, uh, hey. I have some news for you you.” 

“And, well, I think that’s just lovely,” Marianne replied, as if Isak had already said it. Or maybe she wasn’t listening. She looked past him, and nodded just a little. Isak had to remember not to get frustrated though, it wasn’t her fault.

“Marianne,” Lea cleared her throat and put a hand on her shoulder as she poured hot water from the kettle into the cup in front of Marianne, “Isak wants to tell you something. You should listen to what he has to say, maybe it’s important.” 

“Oh, yes, yes,” Marianne nodded again and then shook her head as if she was disapproving of her own actions. Lea went around and poured the water into everyone’s cups as she went on, “Yes, yes, of course it’s important. Everything is quite important, you know. I would love to hear what you have to say Isak.” 

“Right, well,” Isak felt his heart beating fast. It’d been easy to come out to everyone else compared to this. Lea said she might surprise him, but he knew what the vast majority of religious people said on the subject, he knew what pastors had preached and maybe his Mom heard. His Mom spent years listening to his homophobic Dad, and now she was struggling from this illness that made her somewhat unpredictable. So he was kind of sweating under the tension, taking a deep breath before just ripping the bandage off, “I just wanted to tell you that Even and I, we’re dating. I’m gay, mom.” 

“Ah, that? Yes, I know that already, I know,” Marianne nodded her head and then stirred her tea in her cup, “I talked to God about it after I saw you two kissing in your room, you know. A while ago, I saw and I asked Him because I wanted you to have salvation, too. So long ago Isak, but you tell me now, and it’s okay. And, yes, God...God thinks it’s okay too, I was worried and he was very supportive. He showed me that it was okay. He’s watching over you, my son, His son. Our love. Love. Love is what’s important. Don’t forget it. It keeps the world going through all the hate.” 

 

**~Monday Lunch~**

“Visiting the parents, that’s so domestic,” Magnus said as the boys talked. They had mentioned Even and Isak visiting Marianne, and mostly they were filled with questions about how she was doing. They were being a lot more nice and inquisitive than usual, and when Jonas asked what was wrong with her, Magnus explained for Isak. It was all a little suspicious, so Isak was keeping his eyes peeled for some sort of prank or _something_. In the meantime, Isak would milk it. “You guys are too cute for words, man.” 

“We try,” Even chuckled, squeezing the hand he had around Isak’s waist and kissing the side of his head. 

“We don’t need to try, who are you kidding?” Isak gave him a smile, turning his head and pressing a gentle kiss to his lips for a few moments before moving back to rest his head on Even’s shoulder. There was no booing or groaning from the boys saying they were too much. Which just made more suspicion grow in Isak. He waited for a jab about their cheesiness or _something_. It didn’t come. What was going on? “Okay, guys—” His phone vibrated in his pocket a couple of times, right next to where Even’s hand was resting around his waist, causing him to jump a little at the slight sensation. Even laughed a little and fished it out of his pocket for him. Still nothing from the boys as Even’s hand was in his pocket and he was handing him his phone. 

Two texts from Vilde and another one being typed.

****

**-Vilde-**

_I hope this isn’t a rude question, but there are rumors...So, is it true that Emma from the first year raped you? 12:17_

_Some girls heard you and Even yelling at her about it on Friday. 12:18_

_Sorry if it’s not true, but if it is, you should know that you have full support from all of us girls. If you need to talk or anything. 12:19_

“Fy faen,” Isak groaned and looked up from his phone, all of it making sense now. If these rumors were going around, the boys had heard them and now they were tiptoeing around Isak. Because he was _fragile_ , a _victim_. He looked up at the boys, feeling a little awkward suddenly. What were they thinking about him? They were obviously feeling bad, but he returned back to that insecure feeling because they were sitting there thinking he was some weak guy. He’d been working on the masculinity issues but now he was back to that feeling, one that made him feel the need to prove himself somehow. “That’s why you guys are treating me weird, isn’t it? You think that I…” he lowered his voice, leaning across the table to get closer to Mahdi and Magnus, the only two who didn’t know the truth, the two that were being weird, “you think that Emma…fuck.” 

He leaned back and put his hand over his face, letting out another groan because, well, fuck. He didn't know what to do, whether to text Vilde back at all, explain himself to the boys, he didn't know. But the thing was that this rumor was going around the whole school because of him. And he couldn’t even bring himself to say it out loud, knowing the people around him were thinking of him, looking at him in that weak, pathetic situation. Sure, he kept to himself aside from their friend group, but still, all the people around him...fuck. He was feeling violated all over again. 

“Isak…” Even said calmly, squeezing him again and looking at him. Isak moved his hand from his face and looked back at him, eyebrows raised. 

“Did you know about this?” He lifted his phone and showed Even Vilde’s messages. His stomach twisting and turning, feeling sick at the idea of so many people thinking they knew something so personal to him. Even if what actually happened was just a small degree of what everyone was thinking, it still sat wrong. Made him go back to the feelings he had felt that night.

“Faen,” Even said, taking the phone and looking at it before handing it back to him. Everyone else was quiet, letting Even and Isak have this moment to try to get things settled, “I didn’t know, Isak, I swear. I...I can talk to her for you? Or, what do you want me to do?” 

“I don’t know,” Isak shook his head, and then dropped it, letting it hang there for a few moments. “Fuck.” He sighed and looked back at Mahdi and Magnus, seeing them both sit there awkwardly playing with their food while all this went on. Obviously they knew. Obviously this was why they were acting so nice. “Guys, no. Stop that. Seriously. Emma didn’t...well, she,” he groaned again but he had their attention now, at least. “We were drunk and she wanted to have sex, and I said no and went to sleep and when I woke up, she was trying to...get me off, that’s all. Then I left the room. Okay. Now, stop. I’m fucking fine. Tell everyone else to fuck off, too.” 

He was starting to shake again. He pushed his chair back and got up, needing to walk it off. He knew Even would follow and when his hand was on his lower back, Isak turned around was shocked to see the rest of the boys following, too. 

 

 **~Monday Afternoon~**  
*  
Isak was kind of a mess at lunch after he found out about the rumors. Even knew that this whole thing with Emma would affect him, and so far, it hadn’t been too bad. Just his initial hurt and then nothing, like he had forgotten about it or something. Except, now Even was realizing that maybe he had suppressed it, put it in the back of his mind to ignore. Even had had his episode shortly after the event. Maybe it was his fault that this was suddenly coming at him like this. Isak should have talked more about it, Even should have been checking up on him, making sure he was okay. Of course this was something that would upset him, Even knew that, knew about his fragile masculinity and knew how violated Isak had felt in general. Yet, he'd been doing nothing. He was so stupid. He needed to do better at protecting him, making him happy.

After the boys helped him calm Isak down, they told him it was non-negotiable, they were going to the skate park together after school—not only did Isak need it, they said, but also soon they wouldn’t be able to go when the snow came around. So, they made the two of them promise and then headed to their afternoon classes.

Even and Isak skipped the next hour and just talked. Even reminded him to fuck the whole nonsense about his masculinity and apologized over and over for not checking in on him. Isak said he was fine, it was fine, he was happy that Even was treating him normally, that this wasn’t affecting their relationship. But, Even still felt like shit, wishing that he’d reminded Isak of how incredibly strong he was more often. The fact that he was able to get himself away from that situation and not let it affect their relationship? That was strong. That he had been able to get up and stand up for himself instead of letting Emma take further advantage of him? That was way stronger than Even had ever told him and he fucking should have. 

At the skate park, he watched them skate around a bit from a bench, drawing another comic and cursing himself for not being a better boyfriend. Isak said he was doing okay, and he really hoped that was true. He wanted to trust Isak but it was hard after seeing him break down like that over the memory. They’d talked more about it, but he wanted Isak to talk to him about it every time it came to mind, every time it bothered him. It wouldn’t just disappear even if Isak wanted it to, and he didn’t know how to make him understand that.

“Baby,” Isak said as he came over, leaning down and kissing Even where he sat, “Are you sure you don’t want to skate at all? You can borrow my board. We can try to share. We might kill ourselves if we both try to stand on it, but it sounds like it could be fun to try.” 

“Nei, you keep having fun with your friends,” Even smiled and leaned up again to give him another quick kiss, “You deserve it. Kind of wish I had a cigarette though.” 

“Oh yeah? Why? Everything okay?” Isak asked, leaning his board against the bench and then sitting sideways in Even’s lap. He wrapped his arms around his neck and looked him in the eyes, care gleaming through the green. So, so pretty in the sun. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Even nodded and kissed his lips a couple more times, “I just feel bad still. Even though you’re going to say I shouldn’t, I do. I just want to be a perfect boyfriend to you because you’re so damn good to me, too damn good for me.”

“I am not,” Isak sighed and brushed his hands through Even’s hair, pushing them back under his hood and landing on the back of his neck. They were a little cold against the skin, but it was calming coming from Isak’s hands. “We’re good for each other. I’m fine with the whole Emma thing and you’ve been helping me way more than you know. I just, it feels weird, personal..like a violation that the whole school knows now. That they’re feeling bad for me over something that’s not even the actual truth. That’s what got me and I’m fine now. You _and_ the boys were helpful. Don’t make me kiss you until you forget about everything else.” 

“Is that really a threat?” Even laughed a little and wrapped his arms around Isak, pulling him in and kissing him slowly and steadily. Their lips overlapping with care and their noses squishing against each other. It wasn’t a complete blurring of the mind, but it definitely did the trick with Isak’s fingers circling into the hair on the back of Even’s neck and tugging on it gently. 

“Get a room, fags,” Someone said as they passed by them, causing Isak to pull away. 

“What the fuck did you just say?” Isak asked, jumping up and starting to walk towards the boy that was walking away. Even quickly grabbed his arm to pull him back down, but Isak resisted, “Even, he can’t just fucking say that.” 

“Isak,” Even said calmly. It wasn’t like Even wasn’t mad that there were still jerks like that, who thought it was cool to say shit like that. To want to hurt people over their sexuality, he just knew that arguing with him wasn’t going to do anything. Besides, Even meant it when he said that he wanted to protect Isak. People who wanted to hurt people mentally could be violent, unpredictable. Isak would be safer if he just let it go. “Let him go, he wants to get a rise out of you. If you try to fight him it’s only going to get worse. Violence spreads violence. Trust me.” 

“No, Even, no, _fuck this guy_ , I’m going to teach him a lesson,” Isak pulled away from Even’s grip and and started chasing after the guy again, “Hey, man, you picked the wrong fucking guy on the wrong fucking day to say that to.” 

“Isak!” Even yelled, getting up and watching as Isak grabbed the guys shoulder and punched him square in the face. _Fuck_ Even thought as he ran up to the two boys and tried to pull Isak away. The two were quickly going at it, Even trying to tell Isak to stop as he swung and swung. But it was too late, they were fighting and the guy’s friends starting to get into it too. Before Even knew it, it was an all out brawl, Jonas, Mahdi and Magnus joining in too.  
* 

**~Monday Evening~**

“Why couldn’t you have just listened to me,” Even said angrily as they slipped into Isak’s room, avoiding their parents because they were both sporting black eyes and cuts. They just got back from the hospital—where they had all been able to clean off and cool down—because Magnus had broken his nose in the fight. There were no winners, just a bunch of kids who were too completely beaten up to continue on fighting. But, Isak thought he had made his point, at least. Apparently, Even didn’t though, “Seriously, you could have gotten yourself killed. Homophobes, people like that, Isak, they can be really fucking dangerous if they don’t like you enough.” 

“Are you seriously mad at me right now, Even?” Isak sighed, sitting back on his bed and looking up at him. Even had his hands on his hips and he was pacing. He was less beaten up than Isak, the bruise on his left eye barely even noticeable, but he must have caught some guys ring with his cheek, because there was a scrape down the side. “That guy was a piece of shit. Who says things like that? I was standing up for _us_.” 

“You gave him exactly what he wanted,” Even sighed, running a hand through his hair and pacing some more before he stopped in front of Isak and looked down at him seriously, with a stern expression. “I told you, he just wanted to make you angry and get a rise out of you. He’ll probably go around bragging about the fags he beat up tomorrow. It wasn’t helpful to the cause or anything. You should have just ignored it. I told you and you should have listened.” 

“He’s beat up, too, so he got beat up by a couple of fags,” Isak told him. He didn’t see why it was such a big deal. He was fine, they were all fine—with the exception of Magnus’ nose and the doctor said that wasn’t even too bad—and he made his point. “That guy is going to think twice about saying shit like that again.” 

“That’s not how it works, Isak, stop being so naive,” He looked at Isak again and took his face in his hand briefly before dropping it, as if remembering he was mad and that they shouldn’t touch or be so soft. “You starting that fight was so hypocritical. You’re always saying to take things minute by minute, and you got mad at me for fighting Jonas. But then you just lose your temper and fight that guy without even listening to me? Fuck, Isak.” 

“Oh please, Even,” Isak shook his head and stood up to look him face to face. He was starting to realize what Even was saying, but he was feeling too proud, too hurt by Even calling him a hypocrite and not seeing his side at all. “You fighting Jonas was over nothing, this was over something. It’s different.” 

“Isak, if you’re not getting this, then I don’t even know why we’re still talking about it,” Even let out a sigh, shaking his head and not looking back at Isak. He let himself look defeated and then left the room through the door connecting their rooms. Isak watched the door swing shut and then groaned, quickly getting up following him through the door, into Even’s room. 

“Do you really think I’m going to let you walk away from me while you’re mad?” Isak asked, walking over to him and putting his hands on Even’s shoulders to keep him still, to maybe get him to look him in the eyes. He spoke more calmly as his eyes met Even’s. He didn’t want to be fighting with him. “I understand what you’re saying, okay? It’s just, I think that he needed to learn a lesson, you know. It was important to me.” 

“Well, you not getting hurt is important to me,” Even said quietly, his hands finally lifting, grabbing Isak’s hips. 

“His comment hurt me, though,” Isak pouted a little and licked his lips, wrapping his arms around Even’s neck now, glad that the yelling and harsh tones had stopped. “How can you hear someone say something like that and not want to do something about it? Not want to tear him to shreds?” 

“It’s not easy,” Even admitted, starting to pull Isak over to the bed, sitting down and pulling Isak into his lap. “We do something about it every day that we’re together. Every day that we act like a normal couple. Every day that we make our love known without repercussion. There are other ways to make a difference besides fighting. You should have just ignored him. We would’ve been able to handle your hurt together. Our hurt. Minute by minute. I’m sure karma would have eventually gotten him.” 

“Fine,” Isak said, closing his eyes and moving to tuck his head into Even’s neck. He didn’t like being wrong, and he still kind of felt like he wasn’t completely wrong, but he understood. He understood as soon as Even reminded him of the minute by minute rules. He should have slowed down and listened to Even, at least. “I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad at me. I hate to think that you’re mad at me.” 

“I’m sorry for being mad,” Even told him and pushed Isak back a little bit, taking Isak’s chin and tilting his head up to look at him. “I’m just glad you’re okay, you know. Well, for the most part.” He sighed and pouted his lip a little, running his thumb under Isak’s black eye, making him wince a little. It’d definitely be tender for a little while, and bruised for days. 

“Look, we’re making up already. Check it out, we can still handle our fights, just fine,” Isak said with a smile, not exactly liking that they fought, but liking that they had an example, maybe something to ease Even’s thoughts on the matter, “I mean, this wasn’t as serious as like, problems with our future children or something. But it wasn’t as trivial as a shirt, either.”

“Our future children, huh?” Even asked with a little smirk, nudging Isak’s jaw with his nose. “You’ve thought about that, too?”

“Not really, just now, kinda,” Isak laughed a little, blushing and then pulling back and looking at Even in the eyes as he caught on to the _too_ , “You’ve thought about our future children, Even? Huh? How many are you thinking?”

“Two, probably...three if we’re happy with the first two,” Even smirked then laughed, letting himself fall back on the bed, bringing Isak down with him. “But, you know, don’t worry, we’ve got other things to do before we get to that point. After school and uni and of course we have to do some traveling and adventuring. Plus we’ll need steady jobs and to have a massive, _fucking gay_ wedding. It’s just the future I see with you.” 

“Hey, you don’t have to explain yourself,” Isak laughed and shook his head, “the idea of having a kid right now is actually terrifying but, it’s definitely the future I have planned for us, too.”

“Good,” Even said as Isak dipped down and started kissing at his neck, feeling happy that he followed Even into his room. That the fight was over and now they were back in their happy bubble, talking about their future together. A future that may have been way in the future, way far out of their eyesight, but they could somehow still see together. 

“You know,” Isak said slowly, trailing kisses up to his ear and talking into it, “We just had a fight, I think that means it’s time for make up sex…” 

“Oh yeah?” Even asked as he trailed his hands down Isak’s back, landing on his ass and giving it a firm squeeze. “You’re not too banged up for that? I wouldn’t want to further your pain, babe.”

“Nei,” Isak smirked and sat up, pulling off his shirt before leaning back down, “and don’t you dare hold back.” He said before pressing his lips hard against Even’s, kissing him roughly. Even kissed back, their lips soon beginning to swell from all the pressure as Even continued squeezing at Isak’s ass and pressing his hips up into Isak’s. 

They skillfully undressed, lips touching all over their necks and shoulders, biting and sucking wherever they pleased. Their hands roamed all along each other’s bodies, stroking and rubbing everywhere they absolutely could. It got hot and heavy so fast that they almost forgot their precautions, Even had been sucking Isak’s dick before he pulled back and got up to start the music and make sure no one could get into their room with ease. Which left Isak on the bed, panting and needing more. Feeling absent at the sudden loss of Even’s body heat and the wetness growing cold on his cock where Even’s mouth just was.

“We need locks,” Isak groaned, the absence of Even’s body on top of his making him feel so fucking lonely. He grabbed the lube and squirted it on his fingers while he waited Even’s return, rubbing it along his pointer and middle fingers before pressing them inside himself with a gasp. Usually they started off with one finger but with Isak feeling so eager, so up and emotional from the fight, he was craving, in need. Anything to get the actual action going faster. He pumped them a bit, letting out a couple moans as Even finished up the precautions, working his way back over to the bed and moving over top of where Isak lay with his eyes closed. 

“Fuck, Isak,” Even said, grabbing at his wrist and looking down at him. Isak fluttered his eyes open and looked up, his cheeks heating up as he realized where his fervor had taken him. Fuck. “You are way too fucking hot fingering yourself like that. _Way to fucking hot_ to _be_ fingering yourself like that. Someone else should be making you feel good, you shouldn’t have to do it yourself. It’s my turn to make you feel good.” 

“O-Okay,” Isak groaned, letting Even pull his wrist and move his fingers out, immediately wanting more at the loss. He let out an exaggerated sigh and watched as Even put some lube in his hands. Isak pressed his hips up in anticipation, so ready for his fingers. It wasn’t long before Even’s finger were inside him, pumping away and swirling around, adding another and stretching him out with ease, Isak being able to handle it faster, stretching out more easily as their sex life went on. They did switch it up, but it was more often than not that Isak ended up being bottom, the two of them falling so easily into the rolls that it was just simpler this way, no asking, just doing, just going, just loving. Isak wasn’t complaining, just crooning and moaning at the absolute pleasure Even knew how to give him so damn well. 

“Get on your hands and knees,” Even told him after a few successful pumps from his three fingers had Isak mewling, toes curling, and back arching. Isak looked up at him a little confused; they had never did it that way, always being face to face, Isak being able to see what was coming, to see Even in the middle of his lustful bliss as he thrusted away. “I know, I know, it’s different. But, it’s a whole new feeling. If you don’t like it, you can tell me and we’ll reposition. Just try it… you said not to hold back.” 

“Alright,” Isak said, feeling a rush of excitement as Even removed his fingers and started putting on the condom. His heart raced as he got on his hands and knees, holding his breath as Even took his hips. He looked back at him briefly, meeting Even’s eyes out of the corners of his own as he gave him a smile and pressed his dick at his hole. 

“Alright?” Even asked a little teasing, letting his length slide across his hole, between his cheeks with a couple of breathy moans escaping his lips. Isak couldn’t help but croon, pressing his ass up into the feeling. 

“Ye-es, please,” he groaned with a nod, circling his hips a little as Even slid his hands up Isaks sides, lining up again and beginning to push himself in. Isak gasped and let his head fall, hanging and rolling from side to side as Even made his way completely in. Even moved slowly, both of his knees inside of Isak’s as he slowly moved to rest his chest on top of Isak’s back. He circled his arms around completely, pumping at Isak’s dick a few times and kissing at the back of his neck as they connected this way, Even letting Isak get settled to the feel while he sucked and bit at his skin. 

“Good?” Even breathed into Isak’s ear, the breath being enough to stir up Isak’s nerves and make him moan louder than he already was with what pleasure his hand was bringing him on his dick. With that, Even began pumping his hips slowly, circling around and pressing little gentle kisses down Isak's back as Even moved himself up onto his knees. Isak’s toes curled further, tossing his head back and moaning uncontrollably.

“So good,” Isak confirmed, arching his back and gripping onto the sheets beneath him. He wondered if sex would lose its potency after a while, but the more he did it with Even, the better it seemed to get. The way he would build up his pace, the way his hands would handle Isak’s body. It was all so delicious, all so enticing. It made his mind whirl, made his body crave absolutely. He was practically addicted to the bliss, to the loving feelings.

Even moved his hands and gripped his hips tighter than ever before. Moving his hips faster with this new anchor, and letting out more of his breathy moans, making Isak wish he could see his face as his hip bones collided with his ass, faster and harder with every new thrust. But, Even was right, it was a new angle, a new feel and every time Even pounded into his little bundle of nerves, the room spun and Isak felt like he was being lifted out of his body. Isak’s whole body jumped forward with every thrust, moving him closer and closer to the headboard as his body filled up with ardor and good feelings that shot up and down and touched everywhere. Moans slipped out of his mouth without his own volition—Even had once called him a moaner, and it was so horrendously true, he couldn’t stop, every tiny little feeling making him completely lose control and make him feel completely freed at the same time. 

“You feel so good, too,” Even groaned a little louder this time, thrusting harder. Isak couldn’t help but to reach up with one hand at the headboard, looking for purchase, anything to settle himself as Even worked his literal fucking magic on his body. With that, Even moved one of his hands up to Isaks shoulder, the other running up and down his arched back as his hips continued meeting Isak’s ass with vehemence. Isak turned his head to the side and moved his other hand up to the headboard, using his upper body strength to keep himself in this new position until his whole body started to shake with a pleasurable agony that he really couldn’t begin to describe. 

The headboard bounced against the wall with each thrust, each bounce of hips off Isak’s ass. There was no way they weren’t making too much noise and for some reason, Isak couldn’t bring himself to care. Even gripped onto both his shoulders then, leaning in and kissing and sucking at Isak’s shoulder blades. His lips finding every place they could there, making more feeling rush up and down Isak’s spine as the thrusts continued coming. Isak would have more bruises from Even than he had from the fight, and Isak loved that idea, wondered if it was Even’s purpose at all for all the love bites he’d made this time around.

“Need to kiss you,” Isak mumbled before pushing back off the headboard, his back colliding with Even’s chest, Even’s arms catching him and keeping them both up on their knees as they held this new position. Isak moved his head more to the side and Even let his lips find his, kissing in this sideways way as both of them built up, getting closer and closer as he moaned and moaned into his mouth, every bit of him looking for more of everything. More of Even’s arms holding him, more of Even’s lips kissing him, more of Even’s dick and hips fucking him into a bottomless abyss of complete bliss. 

A bliss that made him think _What fight?_

He could barely keep himself up, Even’s arms around him being his main source of stability as they continued on. Isak reached behind himself and grabbed at Even’s ass, nails digging in as he tried to keep himself up with his own muscles. But his body was crumbling, the good feelings filling him up faster than usual and he just couldn’t keep himself up much longer as Even kept pressing into him. 

“Even,” he mumbled against his lips with a little whimper, sweat beginning to coat his brow as his back glided up again Even’s chest with it, “I can’t…” 

“Back on your hands and knees, baby,” Even told him quietly, his voice mostly air as he worked himself in and out, “we’ll be done soon.” Isak just nodded and let himself drop back down, catching himself with his hands as his body shuddered and convulsed. He wasn’t even sure he could keep this position, his body growing weak with each new thrust, all the feeling completely filling him up, making him ready to blow. With just a few more thrusts, Isak was spilling out onto the comforter below him, with a loud moan of Even’s name, or maybe a version of it. He could hardly tell as the world went black around him. His torso collapsed into the mattress and Even gripped his hips, keeping them up as he found his own high. 

In under thirty seconds, Even was there too, calling out Isak’s name and letting both of their body’s fall completely. Even on Isak’s back, breathing heavily as he pressed gentle kisses into his neck and Isak sprawled out beneath him, trying to get his vision back as the world spun around him. 

 

 **~Tuesday Morning~**  
*  
The next morning, Even woke up in Isak’s bed—they made the decision to move to Isak’s room because his bed was kind of a mess of come, totally his fault but totally worth it. It was before his alarm went off, before the sun was up, too early. Even wished as he lay there, watching Isak’s features in the moonlight, that he would be able to roll over and fall back asleep, nuzzle himself up against Isak and fall right back to dreamland. But it wasn’t how his body worked. As soon as his eyes were open all the way, his entire system was up, blood boiling, ready for a new day. 

He needed a cigarette. So, he got up and took his pack from Isak’s drawer, going into his room and stuffing his quilt under the door before perching up in the windowsill. He wished that his room was on the other side of the building at that moment. Usually he got to watch the pretty sunsets, but now all he wanted was a sunrise, the colors of the morning beginning to paint the surroundings of the suburbia of his neighborhood. He sighed and opened up his pack. Two cigarettes left. Then he’d either have to buy a new one or try to quit cold turkey again—which was way harder than it sounded, and he’d probably try then end up caving and buying a pack anyway, continuing the never-ending cycle of killing his damn lungs. 

He puffed away and watched the neighborhood light up from the sunrise he couldn’t see. Still, it was beautiful in a way he couldn’t explain. Just the shifting features. He kind of wished he’d stayed in bed and watched the daylight paint Isak’s face instead. But, there was no going back now. He'd have plenty of other days to watch that, anyway.

He was happy that the two of them had worked it out the night before. He’d been angry that Isak hadn’t listened to him. However, it didn’t matter in the long run. At the time, he was certain that he had had a right to be mad at him, but now, he couldn’t remember why. Couldn’t care because he had been the one okay with leaving the room while he was that mad and Isak had been the on to follow, the one who said that he wasn’t going to let Even walk away angry. It was almost the best thing Even and ever heard, right up there with Isak’s moans and his _I love yous_. And, even though there’d be remnants on both of their faces of Isak blatantly not listening to him, he didn’t care, because they made up. They came to a conclusion. Isak understood and Even understood too. Isak was learning and everything was going to be completely okay. 

After he was done with his cigarette, he snubbed the butt out in the ashtray and went back to Isak’s room, a surge of creativity soaring through him. He drew Isak’s figure in the new light, working on it carefully and completely, shading his every little detail the best he could. Isak was already a completely work of art, but he would try to match it as best as he could. If he could match it close enough, it could probably end up in a museum some day. That’s just how beautiful he was. He should have probably just filmed it, but he didn’t even think film could capture it.

When his alarm started to go off, he closed his sketchbook and jumped up from where he sat. Tried to turn it off as quickly as possible so Isak wouldn’t wake. But, he was already stirring. 

“Shhh, go back to sleep,” Even said quietly, crawling into the bed and hovering over him for a moment, “I’ll shower then wake you up to shower because you should, too.” He kissed the side of his face a couple times and then got up. 

“Mm,” Isak said quietly, opening his eyes ever so slightly—a sight Even really did wish he at least got a picture of—and looking over to where Even was standing, “you smell like smoke.” 

“And you smell like sex,” Even said back with a wink and a smirk before he threw on a pair of boxers and left the room, heading out to take a shower.  
*

**~Tuesday Lunch~**

Even’s parents had a meltdown when they saw the two boys that morning. Even’s bruise was already almost faded but he had that scratch down his cheek and Isak’s eye was really bad when he woke up, much darker than the night before. So they were frantic with questions and touching their faces—Isak told them that it was his fault because it was and because if Even was getting into fights, well they would be on about his moods and his emotions. Isak was already on about that, keeping an eye out for the signs that seemed to maybe be appearing. 

Even’s leg was bouncing underneath the table as Magnus talked about how Vilde flipped when she found out he was fighting. His nose was already starting to look better and the doctor had said it was a minor fracture so it’d heal pretty quickly, but he did have a pretty nasty bruise from it that spread up to underneath his eyes. Jonas’ face was actually pretty unscathed, but he showed them a bruise on his side that basically looked exactly like a fist and complained about how it was probably going to affect his sex life for the next couple days. Mahdi also had a black eye, but he didn’t care at all because apparently, Unni found it hot, effectively assisting his slow burn. 

“She said it was sweet that I wanted to help you guys, but that fighting was dangerous,” Magnus said with an eye roll, sitting back. “I think that the five of us are pretty damn formidable, though. You boys were legends out there.”

“Yeah, well, thanks for having my back,” Isak said with a smile and a side glance over at Even. They probably shouldn’t have been talking about this at all seeing as Even didn’t like that they had fought, didn’t think that it was any good for the cause. He put his hand on his knee to try to stop him from bouncing it and gave it a little squeeze to try to soothe him some. 

“Anytime,” Mahdi said happily, reaching over and slapping his hand in one of those shakes, “we can fight all the ridiculous homophobes. We’re damn good at it.”

“No, no,” Isak shook his head, moving to sit in Even’s lap to try to calm his jittering, wrapping his arms around his neck and looking over at the boys. “That was probably not the best idea I had. Even thinks we should ignore people like that. Not let them get to us instead of fighting them. So, I won’t be jumping anymore homophobes if I can help it.” 

“Alright, well, let us know if you change your mind, man, we are with ya,” Jonas said from where he sat, drinking a some pop and leaning his chair back nonchalantly. “I’m not a huge fighter but like Magnus said, you were legends out there. Besides, what are friends for if not having your back?”

“Yeah, well, hopefully we won’t have to be legends any time soon,” Isak said quietly, rubbing his hand over the back of Even’s neck, wondering why he was so quiet, thinking they probably needed to get up and walk around to stop his jitters, tire him out a bit. “Anyway, Even and I won’t be meeting the rest of you after school. We have to babysit. But, uh, can you do me a favor and just turn down all the Emma stuff? Just tell them it’s not what they’re thinking and hearing, I’m fine and I definitely don’t need the pity.”

“Yeah, of course, man,” Jonas said, looking over at the other two boys to make sure they were on the same page, they nodded, too, throwing in a couple of “yeahs.” 

“Cool, now, I’m sorry to ditch, but I’m going to pull Even away, see ya,” Isak stood up and took Even’s hand, pulling him up, watching the boy’s eyebrows shoot up in question. He had been much too quiet and Isak just wanted him alone, make sure he was okay. Maybe he actually was still upset with Isak for fighting. Maybe there was something lingering. “Come on, babe.” 

Even waved at the boys then let Isak pull him away, pulling him through the school as they laced their fingers together. Isak would just walk around and talk as they did, make sure everything was okay, make sure there was nothing on his mind, see if he could figure out if this was the start of some sort of episode. Even was up earlier than him this morning, drawing, smoking—how long had he been up, anyway? He was also obviously moody..so there was something going on. Probably. He'd get to the bottom of it if Even let him in.

“Is everything okay in that complex brain of yours?” Isak asked carefully, swinging their hands and looking up at Even, who was just looking forward as they walked. His profile was beautiful, but Isak wanted him to look at him, see his pretty eyes and make sure they gave away the truth. “I’m sorry that they talked about the fight so much. I hope you’re not still mad at me.” 

“I’m not, Isak,” Even said looking at him and letting go of his hand to wrap his arms around Isak’s shoulder, pressing a couple kisses to the side of his face to prove his point. “I’m just...I’m kind of in my mind. Too much. I just, I’m trying to sort everything out. It’s hard sometimes.” 

“Oh?” Isak bit his lip, listening to him talk as he wrapped an arm around Even’s waist. He reached up with his other hand and laced his fingers in the hand Even had resting on his shoulder, both hands touching him now. “Talk to me about it, maybe I can help you sort it out. I can give it a try, anyway. I like to be able to help, you know.” 

“There’s kind of a lot going on,” Even said quietly, squeezing Isak's hand and continuing to speak out his thoughts after a few moments of sorting them in his head. “The universe has got to be bipolar too, because, I mean… I finally have you and that’s amazing. But then I’m suddenly back to struggling with quitting smoking. Then, on top of that my parents are fighting, I find out they have this counselor for it, you had all those issues with your friends, and then there’s the Emma bullshit. Which, by the way, I should have been better about. There’s so much with that that I did wrong. You need to know that you’re still incredibly amazing and strong and need to be reminded way more often. And I’m probably forgetting so much, but it’s like...It’s like for every good feeling I have with you brings something bad. It’s like the universe is having this great big episode and I just want to be happy with you, you know? That’s all I want and I can’t stop thinking about when the next bad thing is going to happen.” 

“Even,” Isak said with a sigh, looking around and heading down the hallway to get them out of the school, some fresh air would probably do him some good. That was a lot of topics, a lot of things to be going around in his head. He wasn’t even really sure where to start, but the one thing that worried him the most prevailed. “Let’s just take this one topic at a time, okay? You..you don’t think these bad things are happening because we’re together, right?”

“No, no, of course not,” Even told him, his voice ringing with an honestly that made Isak sigh in relief. He wouldn’t have been able to handle Even wanting to end things because he thought there were consequences for their happiness or something like that. There were always going to be hard times and he wanted to be with Even through those times. “I just wish all this stuff wasn’t happening, that it hadn’t happened. So that you and I could be undisturbed. So we could focus on how we feel and not everything else. Because when there’s so much going on that affects my mood, I start to get worried. You know, that I’m going to have another episode. Or that I’m amidst some episode. And the worry is distracting. And maybe a bad episode is just the next thing to happen. I don't know.” 

“Oh, baby,” Isak sighed and squeezed his side, “we’ll just take things easy these next couple days, okay? Just you and me, we’ll watch movies and go for walks and talk about any bad feelings that you have. Take it minute by minute, for real.” He had originally said he didn’t want to meet the squad after school because he didn’t want to face all the girls with their thoughts about him. He hadn’t even answered Vilde or really talked to Sana that morning in class. But, it was definitely actually better that he and Even stay away from that nonsense to let Even’s mind relax a little. It sucked that they’d have to deal with his parents still, but Isak would make the best of it.

As they walked outside, the brisk air hit his face immediately. He wanted to sit down as they talked, look Even in the eyes, but walking was probably the better solution for Even. To keep him moving, a little distracted by his actions rather than being stuck in his mind. If it was part of some manic episode, neither of them knew, but it was better to treat it as such just in case. For Even’s sanity and peace of mind. Isak was going to have to reassure him about all the things he was worried about. To tell him that they were stronger with everything that had happened between them. Tell him that it would be okay _because_ they were together and they were going to figure it out. 

 

 **~Tuesday Afternoon~**  
*  
Even was giving his guitar lesson to Ana in the living room, Isak sitting on the couch with his homework as always. Isak slipped away into the kitchen for a few minutes without a word, though, maybe just to get a beverage or something. But he came back out empty-handed with a little smile on his face, making Even wonder as he watched from where he sat, ignoring Ana completely in the process. His parents were going to be leaving soon for their apparent last counselling session for awhile—they had told him things were better so they were going to chill on the counselling for awhile, but he wasn’t sure how much he believed that. Was Isak doing something sneaky? Like telling his parents about the conversation they had had at lunch? Making sure they kept their eyes on Even for an incoming episode? Why would he be smiling about that, though? 

After their talk at lunch, Even had calmed down some, focusing his mind on the minute by minute thing. Hoping that he could just worry about what was happening during that moment instead of his swirling thoughts of whether or not it was an episode brewing inside. But that didn’t change the fact that he admitted to Isak that he was worrying about falling into an episode.

“That’s a cute little smile, Isak,” Even said, suspicion seeping through his voice. It was cute, Isak was always cute, but still, there was something. 

“Oh, yeah?” Isak shook his head and shrugged, “you’re Dad just made a pretty good science joke. And, I know, I know, I’m such a nerd but whatever.” 

“A science joke?” Even put his hand over his face and let out a dramatic groan, “How am I even dating you? You’re such a nerd, Isak. No one jokes about science except nerds. And you’re joking about science with _my Dad?_ Jesus. It doesn’t get any more lame than that.” 

“Don’t make fun of me,” Isak laughed and picked up his Physics textbook, wiggling it in front of his face, “I’ll just get back to relative forces and you can get back to your lesson.”

“You so haven’t heard the end of this,” Even shook his head with a playful smirk and then went back to the lesson, letting Isak get in his reading. Maybe fifteen minutes later, his parents were out the door, and fifteen more minutes after that, he was getting bored with the lesson. Ana was getting really good, really fast and it was both impressive and annoying that her little fingers could actually cover the strings and hold them down with ease now. He told her to continue practicing with what she knew and then joined Isak on the couch, pulling his textbook out of his hands and setting it aside. 

“Hey, I was reading that,” Isak pouted, reaching over for it but Even hit his hand playfully and shook his head, knowing that he was going to have to let him get back to it eventually, but right now, he wanted to cuddle up with him and kiss his neck and jaw and nose and eyelids and everything. 

“I don’t care,” Even laughed, pulling out his phone and opening up his camera. He and Isak hadn’t taken nearly enough pictures together recently. Even hadn’t taken nearly enough videos lately, so he was going to get a nice one of the two of them being cute. He wrapped his arm around Isak and held it out in front of them, holding it down to capture a video of him kissing over Isak's face while the boy giggled to the side of him. 

“Whyyy are you recording this?” Isak laughed, reaching up and trying to push away Even’s hand, but he just held the phone out further, nuzzling his nose against Isak’s jaw now and laughing as the Isak struggled to focus on making him stop while also loving and melting at the contact they were making. 

“Because you’re damn cute,” Even laughed and then stopped recording, locking his phone and setting it aside before placing a couple more kisses to his face. “I like to capture it.” He attacked his face some more, successfully hitting his lips a couple times as he moved his head all around, Isak’s head trying to follow but not quite keeping up. 

“You guys are literally so gross, you kiss so much,” Ana said from where she was on the floor, resting the guitar in her lap and looking at the two boys who kind of forgot she was there at all. She must have stopped strumming because Even didn’t even remember hearing that anymore when he got caught up in Isak’s face. 

“We’re in love Ana, deal with it,” Even said, pulling away and facing her, his arm wrapped around Isak’s shoulder while his hand reached up to play with his hair. “Sorry if you don’t understand but people in love kiss and sleep together and stuff.” 

“When did you have your first kiss?” She asked, tilting her head and looking at him. 

“I was, eleven,” Even shrugged a little, two years away from how old she was now, but kids were growing up faster nowadays and Isak had had his first kiss at her age. Except, that was Even’s fault, anyway. If he hadn’t suggested it, it probably wouldn’t have happened. Was Ana thinking about having her first kiss? With Erik maybe? “It just happened at a birthday party. I hadn’t planned it beforehand, I didn’t even know I wanted to kiss anyone. Not really, anyway. But, yeah, eleven. So, you’re not old enough, it’s forbidden.” 

“Even, you can’t forbid her, that’s what makes people want to do crazy things, to like defy the rules,” Isak said, shaking his head and covering up Even’s mouth with his hand. “I was nine when I had my first kiss. I also wasn’t expecting it, though. Just make sure that when you do things like kiss someone, that you actually want to. Don’t rush into it and probably don’t trust boys. We’re not the greatest. But, you know, you can always tell them you’ve got an older brother or two who aren’t afraid to hurt them for you.”

Even licked Isak’s hand and shook his mouth free when that didn’t work. Isak was probably right, even though Even didn’t want Ana kissing anyone. Even though it wasn’t necessarily legal for Even to hurt any boys Ana’s age—hopefully he wouldn’t have to for years, and then he would be older and could just scare them. He liked the idea of Isak being there for her, too. Just in case Even was out on an episode or incapable for some reason. 

 

**~Tuesday Evening~**

Even decided to bring Emma up again when they got a group text from the boys about a successful conversation with the girls about the subject. He hoped that they were right, that there wasn’t anything lingering for the girls to bring up with Isak. Isak didn’t need to have to explain himself again and again. It was obviously something he wanted to keep to himself, and Even was just lucky enough to get him to talk about it with him. Maybe because Even knew that Isak shouldn’t keep things in, so Isak felt the need. Maybe because he knew Even cared and he loved him enough to share this personal stuff with him. 

He hoped it was the ladder and not Isak feeling pressured to talk to him about it. 

“Hey, Isak,” Even said quietly, they were laying in Isak’s bed again because they still had to wash Even’s sheets. They’d get to it eventually, but they were definitely lucky to have two beds under the same roof. They were laying down, cuddled up while Even ran his fingers through Isak’s soft, soft curls. “I just want you to know that you’re strong. I love that you hold your head up high about this bullshit. That it stirs something up in you but you keep moving forward. People would understand if you just shut down but you, you deal with it in a way that’s just so impressive. Just another reason to love you. Just don’t keep it bottled up. I’m here to talk to. Always.” 

“There you go again, knowing exactly what to say,” Isak said with a little laugh, turning and pressing his lips to kiss Even’s chest over his shirt. Even felt good that Isak felt that way, because he wanted to say the right things, wanted Isak to know how amazing he was. Wanted Isak to feel for the things he said, because Isak did the same to him. 

“You know exactly what to say, too, you know,” Even said, looking down at him and kind of pulling his hair to angle Isak’s head to look up at him better, “I mean, I usually have to try a lot harder, but your minute by minute stuff is more helpful than anything any therapist has ever told me. It’s not a cure, and I’m still back and forth. Still a little worried about you with things with Emma. Still a little worried about my parents. But, focusing on right now with you is probably the best way to handle it.” 

Even still wasn’t sure if this was the beginning of an episode, some moments it really felt like it, others felt totally normal. Right now he felt normal. Giving Ana her guitar lesson, he’d been somewhat paranoid, but other than that, normal. Unfortunately, if it was an episode, he was sure it’d be apparent in just a few days. He knew that much by now. If signs didn’t start getting worse or dissipated, it was just typical mood swings with the events happening in his life—and there was definitely a lot of that, a high possibility of that. He just had to not worry about whether or not it was until the time came. Like Isak told him to. 

 

**~Wednesday Morning~**

“We missed you guys yesterday,” Sana told them as she came into the biology classroom, interrupting their makeout session as usual. Today Even was perched up on the counter and Isak was between his legs with his hands up under Even’s shirt on his ribs. Even had his arms draped over Isak’s shoulders, one hand up and playing with the hair on the back of his head, thankful it was a no snapback day. 

“We were busy,” Isak mumbled against Even’s lips, obviously not in the mood to stop kissing him. Even didn’t mind, so he tugged on Isak’s hair a little and tilted his head for more leverage, more access to Isak’s mouth to press his tongue into and glide against it’s warm insides. 

“Apparently you still are,” Sana said, setting her things on the desk with a purpose, loud and annoying. Obviously she wanted the attention that neither of them were prepared to give. “You know, it’s polite to actually greet your friends when they enter a room and it’s rude to ignore them and just continue sucking face like they’re not even there. Like you don’t get to make out literally every other moment out of the day.” 

“Sana,” Isak groaned, pulling away from Even's lips and turning around so his back was pressed against Even’s chest in their embrace. Even smirked a little and dipped down, kissing the nape of his neck while he continued to talk, “I, uh, I’m not going to see Even again until lunch and this..fuck, Even you are so damn distracting,” he moved a hand to push away Even’s face. Even couldn’t help but laugh as he pulled back and looked over at Sana with her disgusted sneer. There was no way she was as disgusted as she looked. She just liked putting on masks, disguises to make sure she wasn’t vulnerable. Even knew her since she was like, twelve and she had always been that way. 

“Sorry baby,” Even laughed a little more, taking Isak’s hand away and resting his head on Isak’s shoulder to give Sana his attention. “Good morning Sana, you seem rather peppy today. Was it your herbal tea or something else?”

“Listen, I just came in here with a nice greeting which was returned with Isak’s back, basically a grunt, and those wet, sloppy noises you make when you kiss,” Sana rolled her eyes and opened up her laptop, “sorry for wanting something a little bit more interactive. I mean, I _was_ going to let you guys know that there’s going to be a small party at Noora’s Friday. Basically just everyone in the squad, no randos, and you can invite Elias and them if you want. But if you’re too busy morphing into one person, whatever I guess.” 

“Sorry, Sana,” Isak said and shook his head a little, probably feeling bad, but Even didn’t care. They would have found out about the party from someone before Friday. “A party at Noora’s sounds good, we definitely aren’t too busy and we’ll be there.” 

“But don’t be so jealous,” Even said, wrapping his arms around Isak’s waist, nice and tight as he rested his head on his shoulder. Maybe Sana was jealous because Even was stealing her friend away from her. She and Isak had a weird friendship, they liked to argue but they were also there for each other and maybe Sana was in need of Isak being there for her. Even stole him away from their morning talks—they didn’t even walk to class together anymore. But, they’d find time for Sana, for everyone else, there was just a lot going on right now, “I think we deserve a bit of happiness and getting lost in each other. Of course we’re still going to want spend time with you guys, though. Jeez.” 

“Of course you do,” Sana said with a small smile and then turned in her chair, focusing on her laptop now and ignoring the boys completely. Even didn’t know if she was saying of course they wanted to spend time with the rest of their friends or of course they deserved the happiness, but he didn’t care. She was letting them get back to their business, letting them forget about everything but the other’s lips.  
*

**~Wednesday Lunch~**

Isak and Even were getting seriously caught up in each other. But, Isak knew Even needed him right now, needed his minute by minute distractions to keep him from worrying about an impending episode. To keep him from worrying about himself, where his mind might take him. So, he was doing what he could, and if that meant acting like they were the only two people in the world—and fucking loving every moment they spent like that—so be it. He was too busy to care. Too busy keeping Even’s mind at bay with kisses, random conversation, and tossing skittles at him while they sat at their windowsill during lunch. 

Today they were tossing the skittles while both of them worked from opposite sides of the window. Isak had to finish up some physics homework, and Even was sketching away. Although, every now and then, Isak noticed Even’s phone up, pointed at Isak while he pretended to type or scroll or do something else. But, Isak noticed. He was taking pictures of Isak or something. 

“You’re not being sneaky enough, over there,” Isak said, looking up from his physics textbook as Even had it pointed up again, right over top of his sketchbook as he pretended to go on sketching. “What are you doing? Do you really need that many pictures of me studying?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, babe,” Even said with a little smirk, setting down his sketchbook and getting up as he kept the phone pointed at Isak. He walked around him in a half circle and Isak watched with an eyebrow raised. “I’m not taking any pictures.”

“So, you’re recording me again?” Isak asked, reaching up to grab for the phone, to push it away as Even’s got closer. He was smiling a little though. To be the subject of Even’s videos, to be the center of his attention, well it was kind of everything Isak ever wanted. He wouldn’t tell him that though, he’d go on pretending to be annoyed and off put by the camera. “Why do you need so many videos of me, then?” 

“Maybe I’m making a film of you,” Even smirked and then stopped recording, slipping his phone into his pocket. He leaned over where Isak was perched on the windowsill and pressed a few kisses to his forehead and the top of his head. “Or maybe I just need something to look at when you’re not around. Something to get off to.” 

“When am I not around? Are you going to be getting off in classes?” Isak asked with a huff of a laugh, looking at Even, both of his eyebrows raised in amusement. They really were together almost always at this point, holding hands beneath the dinner table, sitting next to each other on the couch or in bed watching movies together, Isak even made sure to be in the room when Even was giving Ana her guitar lessons. They just couldn’t help it. Maybe someday they wouldn’t have to be so attached at the hip, but for now they were tangled up, making sure the other was happy and safe no matter what. 

“Maybe,” Even flicked his eyebrows up and laughed a little too, taking Isak’s textbook out of his lap and moving to sit beside him on the windowsill. He leaned over again and gave him another kiss, this time on the lips, nice and slow. He reached out and held the back of Isak’s neck as he did, letting their lips overlap with passion for just a few moments before pulling away with a smile. “Anyway, I love you and I like having video and picture content of you on my phone. Sue me.”

“Maybe I will, I never signed any waivers or anything to be on tape,” Isak teased, wiggling his eyebrows and reaching up to run a hand through Even’s hair. Obviously, loving being Even’s subject, he didn’t care. He hoped Even kept doing it. 

“Mm, you’ll change your mind about being on tape once you see how beautiful you are on it,” Even smirked, his hand still on the back of Isak’s neck. “By the way, you haven’t given me anymore stories to use for our comics. You’re slacking, Valtersen, I might have to kick you off the project.” 

“Hey, hey, I have one though,” Isak said, he hadn’t really thought about any recently, his mind being on Even and his emotions instead, but he still had the story about Even telling him about Mikael. “Remember how excited you were when you came home and told me that Mikael said he liked you back? I acted super excited and happy for you, but I was burning up on the inside. I was really jealous of Mikael, actually. I’m pretty sure all my insides melted down into my stomach.” 

“Oh yeah? You’re a good actor then, you know,” Even said with a little laugh, “Thanks for that, though. If you weren’t happy about it or thought it was a bad idea, I probably never would have stayed with him.” 

“You’re _thanking_ me for that? Fuck, if I had known that, I would have told you right then and there that you shouldn’t have dated him, that would have saved me a ton of jealousy,” Isak laughed and shook his head. Even needed his okay to date Mikael—but why? He’d been pining for him the entire time they were friends, and after Even came out, he told Isak that he was into Mikael and that he had been for a while. “When you told me he liked you and that you were going to go on a date...Fuck, I wanted to tell you no, wanted to tell you that you should go on a date with me instead. I wanted to kiss you and remind you what it felt like to kiss me.” 

“That would have worked, too, you know,” Even laughed a little, looking at Isak with fond eyes, “I know I hooked up with a few guys at parties before Mikael. But, with him being my first _boyfriend_ , I needed the support you gave, if that makes sense. It was a little nerve-wracking at first, but when you were so happy for me, it helped calm the nerves. I suppose if you kissed me, though, it probably would have had the same effect.” 

“Imagine if I had?” Isak asked, looking at him with a sad little smile, “We could have been together for almost like, two years now, at least.” He didn’t want to think about the what if of it, but what could it have been like? If they were together for the past two or so years? Where would they be now? 

“Well, we’re together now,” Even said and kissed his lips a couple more times before moving back to the other side of the windowsill, “Now, skittle me.” 

Isak smiled at him and then pulled a skittle out of the package, tossing it into Even’s open and waiting mouth. Even smiled as he caught it, closing his mouth and sliding it along his tongue before sticking it out, showing the melting of the red color on his tongue in a sort of victory. 

“Am I supposed to get that from you?” Isak laughed, shaking his head and watching as Even put his tongue back in his mouth. He laughed too and then picked his sketchpad back up, starting to draw in it again. Isak picked up his textbook to return to his studies, smiling to himself with a playful little eye roll. Even was way too cute for his own good, his laugh and his pretty blue eyes lighting up with it had Isak completely gone for him. He probably wasn’t going to be able to finish his physics homework and he didn’t care as much as he normally would. 

He continuously peaked over at Even, both of them still smiling. When his phone buzzed in his pocket, he figured that he might as well check it, because he was definitely already off the homework grind. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, noticing that it was a text from a number he didn’t know. He unlocked it and opened it up to read it.

**-Unknown-**

_Hey Isak, I know you probably don’t want to hear from me, but it’s Sonja. I got your number from Emma, I hope that’s okay. She was nervous about giving it to me, but it’s urgent. Could you give me a call when you’re not with Even. Please and thank you. 12:24_

“More friends asking if we’re morphing together, or what?” Even asked with a little smile over from his side of the windowsill, looking at Isak with an eyebrow raised. 

“Something like that,” Isak lied, licking his lips and looking down at the phone. Part of him wanted to tell Even that it was Sonja, but the word _urgent_ stood out to him. He didn’t want to press something urgent on Even right now. Not before he knew what it was anyway. He wasn’t even sure if he should reply or if it even mattered if he did. He wasn’t even sure if he should call Sonja. He was probably going to, though because, well, he just needed to make sure she hadn’t given Even some disease or something. 

 

**~Wednesday Evening~**

“You’ve got something on your mind,” Even told Isak as they lay in his bed. Even’s sheets were finally being washed, and they were in Isak’s bed while they waited for them to finish drying. They were just laying on their sides and looking at each other while they talked a little more about the entirety of Even and Mikael’s relationship and all the times Isak could have and wanted to butt in and tell him to be with him instead. Isak was trying his best to stay engaged, but Sonja kept coming to his mind. He could slip away to the bathroom and make the call easily, he just didn’t know if he wanted to yet. 

But now Even was started to catch on. So, he was either going to have to make the call or get his damn mind off of the text. 

“Just...how are you feeling, baby?” Isak asked with a little pout. It wasn’t like Even’s moods weren’t on his mind, so it wasn’t like he hadn’t been thinking about it. Maybe he’d been thinking more about Sonja’s text, but all of it had to do with Even’s feelings, anyway. 

“I’m fine, Isak,” Even said, moving a hand to grip the back of Isak’s neck with a little smile, “I think I’m alright. I’ll let you know if that changes. I promise.” 

“I believe you,” Isak told him, leaning in a pressing his lips to Even’s a couple of quick times before pushing their foreheads together with a smile. He really did believe Even, but it didn’t mean that his moods couldn’t change on the drop of a dime. Especially if he himself was getting paranoid about it. That was a good side of an episode. “I love you, Even.” 

“I love you, too, Isak,” Even said with a smile back, pressing a few more kisses to Isak’s lips and pulling him closer and closer. Isak knew that if he was going to slip away to call Sonja, it was going to be now or they were going to get into some sexual activity and he’d probably never get to it. He knew this especially when Even’s lips started to overlap with his, kissing him deeper and deeper. He absolutely had to pull away now if he was ever going to. 

“Baby,” he mumbled, gripping at Even’s hips and not really wanting to pull away at all. But he did, “I’m just going to go to the bathroom quick, I’ll be right back.” 

“Mm, hurry,” Even said, letting go of Isak so he could get up. “I’ll miss you.” 

“Will do,” Isak gave him a little wink then left the room, walking down the hallway to the bathroom and keeping to himself. The rest of Even’s family was in the living room, watching something, but Isak really didn’t stick around long enough to see what. He just went straight to the bathroom, pulled out his phone and dialed the number that had texted him at lunch. It rang a couple of times before she picked up. 

“Hello?” Sonja said on the other line with a little breath of relief. 

“Sonja? Hey, it’s uh, it’s Isak,” Isak told her, moving to sit on the lid of the toilet, leaning against the back of it. He felt nervous, his leg shaking as silence rang out between the two of them for a few moments. “I’m not with Even. You, uh, said something was urgent?”

“Isak, hi,” Sonja said quietly, letting another few moments ring out between the two of them, “I’m really sorry to bother you, honestly. But, I figured it was better than bothering Even because I don’t want to trigger something, you know? It’s just, it’s big and who knows whether or not he’ll be able to take it well.” 

“He knows, for starters, whether or not he’ll take it well,” Isak said, half hating that Sonja was looking at Even as someone so weak, so easily triggered that she couldn’t tell him something urgent. Half loving the fact that she had come to him, just in case that at this point he was on the verge of some sort of episode. He was going to stand up for him, anyway, “He’s not some sort of invalid, you know. Just because he’s bipolar doesn’t mean shit. What’s going on?” 

“Well, I—I might be pregnant,” Sonja said, he voice sounding uncertain, awkward, “I’m late. I was wondering if maybe you could be with me...when I took the test. For support. You’re the next best thing to Even and I can’t really tell my friends unless I want it to get out. So, yeah, I thought you could be with me...unless you think I should tell him…”

“No, no...I, uh, yeah...sure, yeah, I’ll come.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop there it is!! 
> 
> make me feel good with kudos and comments--tell me your thoughts!!


	14. Take One More Breath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have any real warnings besides fluff, fluff, fluff and a much less graphic than usual sex scene. ~~ And I guess if the idea of abortion makes you upset, there's quite a bit of talk about that. Like a lot of talk.
> 
> Also can you believe there's officially a SKAM(Norway) tag because IT'S NOT THE ONLY SKAM ANYMORE. IT'S LIKE THE END OF AN ERA.

**~Thursday Morning~**  
*  
Even found himself waking up before the sun again, blinking his eyes a few times to adjust to the dark before he realized that Isak’s eyes were open, too. Even had felt him stirring every now and then through the night, but he hadn’t thought anything of it until now. Isak wasn’t sleeping. Something had to be up with him; he wasn’t sleeping and he didn’t want to have sex the night before, having just gone down on Even instead—he wasn’t exactly complaining, but it wasn’t usual for Isak as of recently, they’d been getting hot and heavy every time they had a chance, both of them quaking with need for the other. With the cloak of the darkness of the morning, all Even wanted to be was soft and gentle with the boy with bags under his eyes while he got to the bottom of this.

“You’re awake,” he said to Isak quietly, reaching over and caressing his knuckles over his cheek. Ready to be soft, “Did you sleep at all?” 

“A little,” Isak gave him a tiny shrug and moved closer to him, tangling up their legs and pressing his forehead to Even’s. “It’s still pretty early, you should go back to sleep.” 

“So should you,” Even told him, carding his fingers gently through Isak’s hair a couple times as they settled in this new position. The bed was warm, Isak was warm and his skin was so soft against Even’s. He was immensely comfortable, but he was wide awake now. His mind was already wandering, wondering what was up with Isak, wanting to carve the image of his softness in the early morning darkness into his brain. Wanting a picture, a drawing, a video. It was a toss up as to whether he’d rather cuddle him into the sunlight or carve him into eternity with every art form he could imagine. 

“I don’t think that’ll be happening,” Isak said with a little sigh, nuzzling his nose against Even’s as he ran his warm and soothing fingers up Even’s back. He definitely wasn’t moving. Not yet, anyway.

“Is something on your mind?” 

“I don’t know,” Isak said, moving to duck his head into Even’s neck as he did. Even felt his lips brush up against his collarbones while his hair pressed up against the underneath of his chin. It was all so soft, so comforting. Even could probably lay like this with him forever, actually. 

“Alright,” Even felt slightly suspicious, but it was hard to feel anything but tender and soft for the boy in his arms. When he was sleepy from the insomnia, he was always so precious—all the grumpy teenage boy was completely wiped out of him by the weight of the world on his mind. He wasn’t going to give up with his wonder, but he didn’t have it in him to push at the moment, “Well, I won’t be getting anymore sleep, either. I’m wide awake now. Maybe we should shower and relish in the fact that no one else is up yet?” 

“I’m too comfy to move,” Isak said groggily, his lips brushing up against Even’s collarbones some more as he talked. The palms of Even’s hands were pressed to his back, gently gliding up and down, slower and slower with each stroke, “I might consider it if you carry me.”

“I might be able to manage that,” Even said with a little huff of a laugh. He wasn’t exactly the strongest, and Isak wasn’t exactly the lightest, but Even imagined he could carry him bridal style across the threshold. His arms might hurt a little afterwards, but he was prepared to do it. He kissed the top of Isak’s head a couple of times then slowly got up. He was going to need to get them towels first so it could be a straight shot to the bathroom to carry him. So, he left the room and grabbed the towels, putting them in the bathroom before coming back to pick up Isak. 

“Are you really going to carry me?” Isak asked incredulously, his eyebrow cocked upward with any ounce of impudence he could manage in his state. Even with his bit of attitude, he still managed to look sleepy and fragile. Even was going to have to handle him with care or the boy might break. 

“Yes, yes I am,” Even said with a confident smile before leaning down and sliding his hands underneath the boy’s sleepy bones. “Just wrap your arms around my neck, I’ll manage the rest.” Isak did as he said, wrapping his arms tight around his neck and then letting Even lift him. He rested his head on Even’s shoulder and Even was surprised at how easy it seemed at first. But, as he moved down the hallway with Isak in his arms, the weight started making itself known. He pretended not to notice, not to care, kicking the door closed behind him before setting Isak down on the sink. He smiled triumphantly knowing he made it and flexed his muscles for Isak.

“My strong man, I love it,” Isak said with a smile, settling on the sink while Even moved to turn on the lights and lock the door, just in case. He couldn’t help but smile at Isak, liking that he might like Even to be strong, to be able to carry him and fight for him. He’d start working out if that’s what Isak wanted.

“Mm, one day you’re telling me you can beat me in a wrestling match, the next you’re saying you love that I’m strong,” Even laughed, looking at him and shaking his head as he turned on the water. Isak was lolling his head back, his eyes closed with a sleepy little smile on his face. 

“Just because you’re strong enough to carry me doesn’t mean you’re strong enough to beat me at wrestling,” Isak said as he continued his neck movements. He was so pretty sitting there, showing off his neck and still somehow full of himself in all of his sleepiness. “I could carry you, too. You and all you legs.”

“All my legs?” Even said, rasied a brow and walked over to the sink, pulling Isak’s boxers off for him before removing his own. “That sounds extremely dirty for so early in the morning.” 

“Neeiii,” Isak groaned and then opened his eyes to look at Even. His lids were obviously heavy as he looked right into Even’s eyes. “I didn’t mean it like that, jeez, Even. Now who has their head in the gutter? I meant you have such long legs, there’s just so much leg to you. Sexy long legs. Daddy long legs.” 

“Alright, sleepy Isak might be more ridiculous than drunk Isak,” Even laughed, tossing his head back and then pulling Isak off the sink. He was more awake now, barely stumbling as he hit the floor and they made their way to the shower. But, his brain was definitely more asleep than his body. Even had never heard him say anything like _that_ before, not even drunk. “I bet you’re going to regret saying that once you’re awake.” 

“I already do,” Isak let out a sleepy little giggle and shook his head, stepping into the shower with Even and pulling him under the stream with him. He wrapped his arms around Even’s back and angled his arms up, resting his palms on his shoulder blades as he settled his head on Even’s shoulder. “M’not going to start calling you daddy. Or...maybe I might in front of the boys because that might really freak them out. Then maybe they’ll stop asking about our sex life.” 

“You can call me anything you want, babe,” Even laughed, wrapping his arms lower around Isak’s waist and resting his head on top of Isak’s. With the hot water raining down, this was probably better than the bed. So unbearably intimate and comfortable with Isak pressed up against him like this. “So, are you sure you don’t know what’s keeping you up?”

“You are, right now,” Isak said, a bit of humor seeping through his words. He paused then shook his head ever-so slightly against Even’s skin and sighed a bit dramatically. “I’ll tell you what’s keeping me up when I know.”  
*

**~Thursday Afternoon~**

“You didn’t need to walk me to my class, babe,” Even told Isak as they stood outside his classroom. Even leaned up against the wall, his hands on Isak’s hips as he looked down at him happily, anyway. “You should get going before you’re late to your class.” 

“Mm, yeah, one more kiss?” Isak asked, pushing up on his tiptoes and kissing his lips. He wasn’t ready for what he was about to do, and he hated keeping this from Even. But it might have been nothing. Why get him worked up over nothing? He had been trying to act completely normal, but he knew that Even knew something was up. Catching Isak not sleeping started it, and now Even was eyeing him curiously, watching him the way Isak was watching him. Keeping their eyes out for each other. 

They kissed slowly, Even holding him up on his tiptoes as their lips overlapped. Isak wanted this, needed this, and held onto his shoulders probably harder than was necessary. But, Even didn’t seem to mind as he tilted his head to the side and deepened the kiss. Isak held himself closer, wrapping his arms around his neck and pushing a hand to the back of Even’s head to keep their heads close together as possible. Their tongues collided and pressed while their lips swelled up from all the pressure. The slowness sped up, and it was almost like they were kissing like it was their last, even though they would see each other again in just a few hours. Even didn’t know, but Isak thought that those few hours could change absolutely everything. Even though he hoped they wouldn’t.

“Mmm,” Isak grumbled, pulling away and pressing his forehead to Even’s, “We’ve got to stop before I decide to skip next class with you. We need our education, so, go on.” Isak pulled back even more, letting his arms drop to his sides while Even still held him. “Go, go, go.”

“I’d rather skip—”

“Nope, go on,” Isak spun him and slapped him on the ass, “go, go.”

“Do that again and I’m definitely not going to class,” Even flicked his eyebrows up and then turned, grabbing Isak again, “I need a goodbye kiss.”

“We already did that.” 

“One more,” Even pouted his lips and leaned back down, Isak not being able to keep himself from tilting his head back and pressing his lips back to his. His eyes were just so mesmerizing, and once he was that close and they were locked on his, Isak was caught, stuck. Defenseless against him and his damn beauty. He’d never stand a chance. He let Even control the length of the kiss, following his lead and never slowing down until Even started to retreat. He watched Even pull away, run his hand through his hair, and smile happily at Isak in his entrance from the boy. Isak tried to play it cool, but he was so far gone. “Alright,” Even said with his toothy smile, backing towards the door, “I’ll see you in just a couple of hours.” 

“Try not to count the minutes, Romeo,” Isak laughed lightly, backing up and giving him a wink. The bell was definitely going to ring soon and Isak had to head out. And Even had to be in class, distracted and learning and hopefully not wondering more about Isak. 

“Don’t call me that if you want me to leave you for class,” Even laughed and then hit the doorway before walking into the classroom. Isak watched for just a moment, knowing that the majority of the people inside the room just heard what Even had said. He pictured Even telling everyone who heard that he couldn't believe his boyfriend cared more about school than him. All Isak could do was shake his head and laugh at the thought. Even was way too charismatic for his own good. He also couldn’t help but love that about him. Much as he loved everything else about Even. 

Once he was down the hallway, he made a right and headed straight for the exit. It was probably be better for him if he got outside before the bell rang, so he just walked quickly with his head down. Once outside with no casualties, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and called Sonja. She was probably already there. Ready to pick him up and get this over with. He still couldn’t believe she wanted _his_ help with this. He hated himself for not telling Even, honestly because it was Sonja and Isak never liked Sonja and now she was like, his cohort. But, upsetting Even over something that might not be anything was just something that would be good to avoid. 

Even if he didn’t want to be doing this. Even if he worried about what would happen if it wasn’t something easily avoidable. He had to do it. There were so many questions about Even’s life, about Isak’s life, about their life together that came up in Isak’s head while thinking about the possibility of Sonja actually being pregnant and having _Even’s fucking child_. His boyfriend, the guy he wanted to spend the rest of his life with having a son? A daughter? He liked the idea of Even having children, perfect little baby Even’s, really. But not now. Not with Sonja. It fucked up his entire vision. And what if it ruined Even’s life? If he decided to raise a kid and forget about college? Would Even ever accomplish any of his dreams?

“Hey yeah, I see you, I’m in the blue car that’s pulling up,” Sonja said as she picked up the phone, and then a blue car drove up to the edge of the sidewalk. Sonja looked out awkwardly, a little wave in Isak’s direction as he approached the car and got in. There was absolutely no way that this wasn’t going to be awkward and uncomfortable, but Isak was just throwing himself into it. Into the jaws of a damn shark. Where he couldn’t even tell Even, the guy who was supposed to know everything Isak knew. 

“Halla,” Isak greeted, getting into the car and buckling up, taking one more look at the school before giving Sonja another glance. He couldn’t look at her too long, she was still too intimidating, maybe even more so now that she might be carrying Even's spawn, “So uh.. Are we going to a clinic or did you buy a test or do you want me to buy one or what?”

“I bought two,” Sonja told him as she started driving, being quiet and looking at the road in front of her. “I just didn’t want to do it alone because fuck, I might lose it and I figured you made sense to tell right now. I know you and I didn’t get off to a great start but who says we can’t try again, right?” 

Was the question because if she was pregnant, Isak was dating her baby daddy? Would she expect Isak to give him back, or did she just expect be close to Isak as a result of him being her baby daddy’s boyfriend? Isak was on edge, playing with the cuffs of his shirt and looking down at his feet while Sonja just kept driving. Back to her place where they would officially have their answer. And there were going to be decisions that were too big for Isak. Not Isak’s choice to decide on. 

Once he was at her place, he carefully and neatly took off his shoes and let her bring him to the kitchen, where she offered him a variety of options to drink, including beer. He ended up choosing the beer to take off the edge, taking it from her and then sitting on the countertop. He looked at her as she rummaged through her bag and pulled out the two boxes containing the different pregnancy tests. Isak stomach dropped at that point, realizing where he was and how real the situation was. He probably wasn’t the best option to give this information, but he guessed that he’d rather her tell him now than learn it from Even later, when they had everything all set up and planned without him. He took a few hefty gulps of the beer and just sat their quiet, stunned.

“So, I’ll just go and take these and then I’ll bring them out and we can read them together and go from there, right? And if I lose my shit, you’ll help?” Sonja raised her head and held up the tests to Isak. Isak was only able to nod and then watch as she stepped down the hallway and into the bathroom. Isak’s heart thudded in his ears. Suddenly, his nerves were too much. He’d been dealing with this all day and now...now it was happening and completely fucking him up. Every sip of beer now made his stomach turn. He waited and clutched his eyes shut, taking deep breaths as he waited for her. He was going to be the smart one, the sensible one. It was who he was. He couldn’t just get worked up over this. He had to manage it. Somehow help this girl he hardly liked if she lost her shit. Okay. Sure. Easy.

When he heard the toilet flush and the sink start, he jumped off the counter and adjusted his snapback a couple of times before finishing off the bottle of beer. He was going to handle this. He was going to make sure all of this went over smoothly for Even. It’s what he needed. Easy. Simple. No big deal. The head, the brains of the operation was on the case.

“Alright, so they should be readable in like, two ish more minutes and then we’ll have our answer,” Sonja said, holding both the sticks in her hand. She leaned up against the wall and took a deep breath, not really taking all of this well, either. She actually looked vulnerable for once. Isak actually found himself able to look at her.

“Have you given any thought to what you want to do if you are, you know...pregnant?" Isak asked quietly, not wanting to say the word too loud so that the air couldn’t grab it and make it happen just to spite him. 

“I don’t know yet,” Sonja shook her head a little, “I mean, I’m not ready for a kid, I was going to go to uni next year but I probably wouldn’t be able to with a kid. Then again, I never anticipated being a mom at this age, and it really wouldn’t be that terrible now that I actually think about it. But then of course, if I kept it, what that might do to Even, what that might do to you, to me. I’d be pausing all of our lives, right? So, I don’t know. I figure I should go with my gut feeling as soon as we know for sure.” 

“Okay, well,” Isak cleared his throat, looking down some more because he was back to not being able to look at her after that speech, “whatever you choose, I’m here to help you out and help you tell Even. I don’t think that it’s impossible. Don’t worry about that part at all.” 

“Yeah, alright,” She sighed again and looked at her watch, “Okay the results should be ready,” she swallowed hard and looked at her hand holding the tests, not lifting it or making any move to find her answer. “Come here, read them with me or I’m never going to read them.” 

“Okay,” Isak walked over slowly, standing beside her and taking her hand to bring the tests into view in her palm. He had never touched her before and it was weird, but all of this was weird. She laid them flat on her palm and opened it up, revealing the results to whomever would look down at it. Isak stood there, looking just below for a couple of seconds. Sonja’s eyes focused on the ceiling, and when Isak glanced over at her, he knew he was going to have to be the one to look. So he leaned in and looked down, reading the results with wide eyes, “They uh...they both say pregnant.”

“Fuck.” 

 

Sonja went back and forth with Isak for about an hour with the pros and cons of keeping the baby, then the pros and cons of getting an abortion, and then the pros and cons of giving the baby up for adoption. When it came down to it, the abortion was what she wanted. She hadn’t quite said it outright, but it sure as hell seemed to be headed in that direction. Isak knew Even would probably be okay with her decision, he was a feminist, believed women had rights to their own bodies. So, he thought Even should know; Sonja shouldn’t have told Isak if she didn’t want Even to know. He didn’t want to keep anything from Even. He would tell him accidentally, probably, eventually anyway...and if it were down the road, he wasn’t sure what the penalty would be for him knowing this information for so long. 

She didn’t want to tell him though. Thought it was a ridiculous and difficult conversation for nothing in their lives to change, anyway. Isak could tell she as worried. He wondered if she did what Isak did when he found out Even was bipolar. How many nights since That Night had she been up late on the computer, reading horror stories and risks for people with bipolar disorder? She had no real idea of where Even was at, she was terrified of anything setting him off. Well, it was sweet, he guessed. But, Even and his family, and Isak, they’d have it under control. He may not have needed to know, but he deserved Isak telling him the truth. Deserved Isak to not keep things from him. 

He gave Sonja a little over twenty-four hours to tell Even. By Friday night or he couldn’t promise to keep it a secret. He thought it’d be better from himself, anyway, but it was her choice to make the right decision and tell him before Isak could. He didn’t even care if she texted or called or asked him out to lunch or something else. As long as she did it.

They were still arguing about it when she dropped him back off at school before the end of his last class. He left her with the warning and then headed inside the school. He walked to the school doctor’s office and grabbed a few pamphlets for their options from there. There was one thing Isak was good at, and that was studying. If he could get time alone to look things over, figure out statistics, he could find an easy was to tell Even if Sonja didn’t. He’d use statistics and anything else he could to make it sound okay. He thought about maybe reminding him of their conversation about kids in the _future_ —but that had just been the two of them joking around, probably. They weren’t being serious about a big gay wedding and kids. Fucking three, that’s how many Even had said. No way was that not a joke. 

If it was real, was this going to make a change in their future?

He wasn’t going to bring it up unless Even did. 

He was looking through the pamphlets in the office when he felt eyes on him, two of the assistants were looking at him and down at the pamphlet. Obviously taking in him and his snapback and thinking that he was stupid enough to knock up some chick—obviously a hardcore delinquent sleeping around and looking for options. He rolled his eyes and shook his head, lifting up the pamphlets and looking at one of the gossipy girls behind the counter. They gossiped enough that word could spread, talking about things with other students sitting in the office waiting for the school doctor, so he was just going to up front. 

“Perks of being a gay best friend, huh?” He hit the pamphlets and then put them in his bag, “Even girls who don’t like me are coming to me for their shit, jesus.” 

Both the women paused, looked at each other, then back at him. He just shrugged and put his bag back on his shoulder, walking out of the room with a sassier-than-intended wave of his hand. He couldn’t help but laugh at himself because of it. What was he becoming? Before he would have been mortified of saying that shit, making those gestures, but now he just laughed, embraced it. So much freer than before, even with all the pending doom over his head. 

He walked himself to where he and Even would usually meet after class and leaned against the wall, sending Sonja a text, asking if she wanted pamphlets or anything. He got doubles. Just in case. 

 

**~Thursday Evening~**

“You’re getting better at teaching your sister, you know,” Isak told Even as they slipped back into his room. Even had homework to do, but Isak had finished his own during the lesson. Ana was getting better and Even was being sweet, happy to show her tricks, making sure she didn’t give up when she wanted to. It was a whole different Even than the one who had been blackmailed into giving the lessons in the first place. And Isak had already planned out a conversation from this fact to ask Even some questions and hopefully not seem suspicious. 

“Well, she’s getting better and I think her not being frustrated makes me less frustrated,” Even shrugged, grabbing his book bag and walking over to his bed, spilling it out to find his homework in his haphazard way. Isak liked to watch when he did homework this way, making a checklist of what he had to get done, and checking it off when he got sick of it or finished it. It’d eventually all be in a neat pile, but for now, Even was scattered, his eyes scanning over all the work. 

“You’ve always been pretty good with her,” Isak pointed out, sitting over at the desk and looking at Even climb over his work to sit on the bed and start his list. “Better than she deserves for all the shit she’s put us through over the years. It’s a nice trait. Paternal, even.” 

“Well, I know my parents are great or whatever, but they’re not always so...relatable, I guess,” Even said slowly, biting on a pencil and then looking up at Isak with a flick of his eyebrows. He smiled a little, intrigued as he looked at him in the eyes. “They’re with the times, but they’re not at the same time, if that makes sense. I think that sometimes, it’s better to have siblings to ease the burden of your parents. You could be the best parents in the world and your kid is bound to have _something_ they don’t like about you.” 

“So, you think you’re a good brother to Ana but you’d be a shitty parent?” Even wasn’t really steering him in the direction of the questions he had planned, but he’d make do with what he could. Any way to get some answers without specifically asking for them. To try to be able to gauge how he would take the news.

“Well, no,” Even said, that look of intrigue growing in his eyes like he knew exactly what Isak was thinking. It made Isak’s heart pound from where he was sitting. “I would, you know, be good in the way that most parents are, making sure their kids know they’re there for them and all that stuff and actually being there. But there’s going to be something about me that they’re going to want to rip to shreds, that’s going to make them not tell me things and whatever.” 

“There’s nothing not to love about you Even,” Isak laughed and shook his head a little. He was already falling off track, he needed to think of more ways to slip in his questions. But Even being condescending towards himself was a little too cute at the moment. Isak liked reassuring him. “I think I get what you mean, I do, but I just can’t see anyone not liking you. I think your kids would love you, but I guess I’m biased.” 

“I could say the same about you,” Even laughed a little and then got up, climbing back over his papers and walking over to Isak. He put his hands on Isak’s shoulders and looked down at him. “Is this about the talk we had about our future kids or whatever? I didn’t want to freak you out or anything. I’m sorry. I meant like, way, way, way in the future. Or like we don’t ever have to, it could just be me and you forever. Fuck kids. Just you and me.”

“Even,” Isak furrowed his eyebrows and put his hands on his hips as he looked up at Even from the chair. That had been a whirlwind answer. Not something Isak had expected, not landing where Isak could’ve never expected it would, “I—uh… you don’t want to have kids at all anymore?” 

“No, well, yeah, well,” Even shook his head and then sat down sideways in Isak’s lap. His arms wrapped around Isak’s neck and he moved his forehead against his. His eyes filled with some fear, the intrigue that was in them now fading. “I do if you do. I don’t care as long as I’m with you. I know kids freak you out and they freak me out right now too so, I’m sorry about that conversation. Neither of us are ready or there yet. I didn’t mean to rush or panic you. I’m sorry.” 

“Ev, you didn’t do anything wrong, stop apologizing, jeez,” Isak sighed and ran his hands through the boy’s hair. His questions were making him insecure about their conversations. He didn’t want that to happen. He felt sort of terrible. “I got it, I still agree. I wouldn’t mind kids in the way future. I’m not freaked out. You aren’t making me panic or feel rushed or anything. Just relax.” 

“Are you sure?” Even nuzzled his nose up against Isak’s while he asked, fingers starting to course up the hair on the back of Isak’s head, knocking off his snapback. 

“I’m sure,” Isak said. He wanted to find a way that he could ask Even what he would do if they had kids right now. He could set up some hypothetical for if one of them could get pregnant like it was some alternative universe. But Even’s lips were so close to his and his fingers were starting to tug on the hair on the back of his head and Isak was about to lose his grip on all the matters at hand. 

“Do you like that I’m _paternal?”_ Even asked as Isak slid his hands up the sides of his shirt. Isak wasn’t sure that he wanted to admit it, seeing as he’d just so recently referred to Even as “Daddy Long Legs,” and he wanted to shoot himself when he thought about it, cringing to all hell and wondering why the hell it came out of his mouth in the first place. But, the thought of Even, being the Dad of his future kids and treating them right made Isak kind of lose his fucking shit. 

“It’s a good quality,” Isak huffed and pressed his body up into Even’s. He couldn’t exactly help himself. Struck by Even, caught in his damn web. Entranced. 

“We should fuck on my homework,” Even said with a laugh, moving his lips up Isak’s jaw as Isak felt along his chest and back. 

“What about paper cuts? Or getting jizz on your homework?”

“So, I’ll hand it in covered in cum. Oh well,” Even mumbled into his ear before kissing down his neck. He spoke low and seductively, his hands gripping into Isak’s hair, controlling his head, “Paper cuts can bite my ass. Literally, I’ll be bottom. Fuck me on my homework, Isak, that's gotta be some nerdy fantasy of yours, right?” 

 

**~Friday Morning~**

Isak was exhausted. He had initially passed out with Even in his arms with no problem. But as the night wore on, Even’s naked body pressed against his own wasn’t enough to distract him anymore. His thoughts were on full blast. Sonja was pregnant, Even was the father, she was probably going to get an abortion and Isak fucking knew about it and Even didn’t. He was keeping information from the boy in his arms, the sleeping angel who he had fucked into oblivion before bed. His brain didn’t like that, wouldn’t shut up or turn off and allow him to sleep. Just kept him tossing and turning until he decided to get up and check over his homework at Even’s desk. 

He tried to slip back into bed before Even’s alarm, but Even had caught him, had known he’d been up basically all night again. Isak pushed it off, said he was fine, showered and moved on with their morning. He tried to make everything as normal and natural as he could manage, not wanting to throw off Even’s sensors more than he already had. When they got to school, he pulled Even to the side of the building, where they used to wait for Sana. 

“Hey, so, Sana told me she wanted to talk to me about something,” Isak lied with a little shrug, looking off into the distance instead of directly at Even. He needed to talk to Sana. She would know what to do, probably, or at least she’d have something wise to say. “So, I’m going to wait here for her. You can wait, too, but I think she wants it to be a private conversation.”

“Oh yeah?” Even asked with a little quirk of a smile on one side of his lips, “I bet it’s about Yousef, then. Damn. I wouldn’t like, tell him anything she didn’t want him to know, you know. Let her know that, okay?”

“Of course,” Isak gave him the best smile he could manage then stood up on his tiptoes to give him a gentle kiss. Even took his hips and then held him up against the brick wall, kissing him back more passionately. It kind of helped Isak wake up as he grabbed hold of the back of Even’s neck and got lost in his lips while the butterflies in his stomach went nuts. He loved Even so damn much, it was ridiculous. Loved kissing him so much it was ridiculous. He had to pull away though, lest he miss Sana. “Okay, okay, I don’t want to get too carried away and have her think I’m ditching her for you, or something.” 

“Sorry, you’re just so fucking hot, Isak,” Even laughed and then adjusted Isak’s snapback for him before pulling away, his eyes scanning over Isak’s face as if taking a mental picture, “And right now you look all exhausted and sleepy and damn cuddly. I just want to take you back to bed and hold you while you sleep like an angel.”

“Alright, mister mush,” Isak laughed a little and put a hand on Even’s chest. He would love to go back to bed with Even, have him play with his hair and rub his back while Isak fell in and out of sleeping intervals. But, it was probably best that they were classrooms apart right now. Less chance for Isak to slip up and tell him what was going on. “After school, maybe. I’ll definitely need a nap before the party tonight.” 

“If you say so, but we don’t have to go to the party if you’re too out of it,” Even shrugged and then kissed Isak’s forehead before taking an entire step back. “I’m sure everyone would understand. Just let me know if you need anything. Or if you want to talk, babe.” 

“Of course,” Isak gave him a smile and a wave, watching him walk away, first backwards to keep his eyes on Isak, and then spinning around with so much suave that Isak kind of swooned a little. He knew Even wanted him to talk to him about what was going on in his mind. He felt terrible that Even knew he was keeping something from him. He felt terrible that he was lying to Even about keeping something from him. He sighed and leaned back up against the wall, tilting his head back and staring at the sky for a few moments. 

“Isak,” Sana said, approaching where he stood by the building. Isak stood up straight and tilted his head to look at her, a little startled to be pulled out of his self-deprecating thoughts. “Where’s your other half? Is Even alright? You look exhausted.” 

“Yeah, Even’s fine,” Isak shrugged a little and then stepped forward, motioning for her to walk with him. “I just needed to talk to you alone, without him. So, I asked him to leave.”

“Oh, so you need me, then, hmm?” Sana started walking with him, looking up at him with a half-smile. He knew that she loved to help, loved being the person people could turn to because she was the best at keeping secrets. “Is it about biology or something else?”

“Nothing to do with biology,” Isak shook his head and let himself laugh a little as he looked down at her. “Well, I guess it has a slight connection to human biology.”

“Interesting, go on,” Sana said, easily keeping up with Isak’s unusually small steps. He was definitely slouching and dragging his feet, but his bones were heavy. Too much information soaring through him, so much exhaustion pressing down on him as a force stronger than gravity. He was lucky he was even able to walk with the force on him. Any more and he’d be crawling down the hallway.

“Right, well,” Isak bit his lip. Honestly, talking to Sana about this had been a toss up, Eskild was his next choice but he wanted advice like, ASAP, and he couldn’t afford to miss any more school to meet up with Eskild. He was just a little worried about Sana’s beliefs on the subject. But, she always seemed to do what was right, so he was hoping, praying that she could be helpful. “So, I know this girl who really recently found out that..well, she’s pregnant. And, she came to me about it because, fuck, I don’t even know. I guess I just fit the bill. But, she hasn’t told the father and she, uh..wants an abortion.” 

Isak spoke quietly as they walked through the halls, keeping close to Sana and hoping there weren’t any students overhearing. He wasn’t using names for a good reason, but he still didn’t need it going around. Didn’t need Even to hear and then start asking questions about who, about why this was keeping him up at night. He wasn’t sure if it was a conclusion Even could easily jump to, but Isak didn’t want to risk it. If he was going to tell Even, he wasn’t going to be coerced into doing it. 

“Ah, well, that’s her choice you know, Isak,” Sana said slowly, walking into the biology room with him, walking over to their table and then sitting down. She looked at him as she unloaded her bag, taking out the things she needed for class. “If she wants an abortion and she doesn’t want to tell the father, that’s on her. But, she probably shouldn’t expect that you be there for her through all of that...not that she should be alone, but it’s not your responsibility. You know? Is that why you’re not sleeping? Seriously Isak you look like you’re about to pass out on me. Like you’ve been up with a screaming baby all night as is.”

“I agree that it’s her choice and everything, I do,” Isak sighed and put his head on his hand, a much more comfortable position for the force of sleep pushing on his bones. “The problem though is that she told me and not the dad and I’m like, his friend. I can’t just not tell him. What if one day it slipped out in the future and then he hated me for keeping it from him? I just think that if she didn’t want him to know, she shouldn’t have told me. It’s not fair to ask me to keep a secret like this from someone I care about, you know? That’s why I’m not sleeping, because I feel awful holding this in.” 

“Shit, okay, is it Ingrid? Did Jonas knock her up?” Sana asked and then shook her head when Isak gave her a look to tell her he wasn't going to tell, this wasn't gossip time. “Okay, fine, you don’t have to tell me, it doesn’t matter. I guess that you’re in a predicament here, for sure. If it feels like that much of a betrayal, just tell him. She’s, you know, terminating the pregnancy so it’s not like anything’s going to change. If anything, you’ll be teaching him to be more smart in the future.”

“Don’t you think she should tell him, though? Since it’s her choice and whatever?” 

“If she doesn’t want to, then screw it,” Sana shrugged and then opened up her laptop. “She doesn’t need to know that he knows. None of it should really matter anyway. So, really, when you think about it, it’s not that big of a deal. It shouldn’t be keeping you from sleep. It’s not your life it’s affecting, anyway, even if you are in on it. Take a few deep breaths and calm down a little. You’re not a terrible person, no matter what you do from here. You’ve helped her, been her confidant, and now you just want to be honest with your friend. So fuck it, and stop losing sleep. I need you at full attention if we’re going to get sixes.” 

“You already know I’m getting that six.” 

“Without me? In your dreams,” Sana laughed and then looked at him with playful curiosity, “so, seriously, is it Ingrid?”

 

 **~Friday Lunch~**  
*  
Even was sitting at lunch with the boys, waiting on Isak’s arrival. As usual, the three of them were talking about girls. Always talking about girls. Even half wanted to ask Jonas about Mikael, but he didn’t, he just kept to himself, listening to Magnus talk about how he and Vilde were talking about renting an Airbnb for an upcoming weekend. The topic was romantic for all of two seconds before he started going on about how much they were going to fuck, all the new positions they were going to try, and how much he was dying to fuck her in the shower. It wasn’t that Even didn’t think physical love could be romantic. But, from Magnus’ mouth, it was all dirty, all completely lust-filled with no tenderness. He heard enough of it when Magnus was a virgin, and now he wasn’t and it was all ten times worse because he actually kind of knew what he was talking about. Sometimes, he could handle it, contribute, but not today for some reason.

He’d much rather hear about Jonas and Mikael. 

“Hey guys,” Isak said as he approached, giving all the boys little bro-shakes and then pulling out his chair to sit. But, as he sat, he completely missed the seat, landing on his ass in front of the chair between Jonas and Even. His bag slid off his shoulder, contents spilling out of it under Jonas’s chair. “Fuck.”

The boys laughed and Even got down quickly and helped him up, pulling Isak immediately into his lap. Usually, he'd laugh too, but the boy was exhausted. So exhausted that he was falling, somehow missing the chair he was supposed to sit in. Even hated that something was keeping him up. That something was plaguing his mind, robbing him of sleep and he wasn’t fucking talking to Even about it. He claimed not to know, that he wasn’t sure why his mind was too active to let him sleep, but Even knew there was something. Something he was keeping from Even for some fucking reason. Maybe because he was afraid of pushing something new on Even right now after Even’s confession. But, fuck, he fucking hated that Isak might be stepping around him because of it. He just wanted them to be real with each other. 

“Are you alright?” Even asked, sliding a hand down Isak’s back and pulling him into his chest. He probably hit his tailbone pretty hard, too, so he slid his hand far down, massaging his lower back and the top of his ass. Isak didn’t protest as he cuddled into Even’s chest happily. 

“Yeah, fuck,” Isak shook he head and sighed dramatically, “Clumsy Isak strikes again.”

“Hey, uh, Isak,” Jonas said, gathering his things for him and trying to put them back on his bag, “Are you pregnant or something? What’s with all the pamphlets?” 

“What?” Isak asked, looking genuinely confused for a moment as he lifted his head and looked over. But after he caught view of the pamphlets Jonas was holding up, his eyes widened in shock and realization. He jumped off of Even’s lap and grabbed them before taking his seat and shoving everything back into his bag. “Yeah, Jonas, I’m pregnant,” Isak said with a sassy and sarcastic eye roll, his whole head moving with it, “It’s for a fucking project.”

“Oh yeah? What class?” Even challenged. It was suspicious, all of Isak’s child questions the night before and now he was hoarding some pamphlets on pregnancy, abortions, teen parenthood. If ever there was a red flag, now was definitely one. He knew Isak hadn’t gotten anyone pregnant, but something was going on. “You took health last year.”

“I, uh,” Isak began, coughing a few times as he tried to think up a good lie. Even knew the maneuver well. 

“Fuck, Isak, someone’s pregnant?” Even asked incredulously, his heartbeat racing a little. One of Isak’s friends was pregnant. Meaning that it was possible someone at the table had knocked someone up. That was what was on his mind, that’s what was plaguing him. Fuck. He could have told Even. “Who is it?” 

“Someone’s pregnant?” Magnus almost screamed, his eyes going wide as he leaned across the table, “It’s not Vilde is it? Fuck it is, isn't it? I’m not ready to be a Dad, I can barely even take care of myself. I just want to fuck and party. I can’t raise a child, even if they'd have her eyes. Fuck.” 

“Relax Magnus,” Isak shook his head and sighed before leaning on the table and resting his head in his hands, “It’s not Vilde and it’s all fine. No one’s going to need to be a dad because the girl is getting an abortion. So, everything is fine. Everyone breathe. No more questions. I don’t want to talk about it. Can't talk about it.” 

“Why, did you knock up some girl before you and Even got together?” Mahdi asked teasingly, reaching across the table and slapping one of Isak’s wrists playfully. The boys didn’t know Isak lost his virginity to Even. They assumed that had happened a year or two ago with some girl at a party. It was part of his reputation. But, Even knew it wasn’t Isak having knocked someone up. Not unless he cheated on Even and well, Even spent way too much time with him for him to be able to cheat. Not to mention it would have to have been with a girl and Isak didn’t have a straight bone in his body. There was definitely something major about this, but it didn’t have to do with Isak knocking someone up. Even if the girl was getting an abortion, it was keeping him up at night. 

“Nei,” Isak said quietly, shaking his head. He obviously didn’t want to talk about it, but Even was probably going to end up asking again later. He wanted to know so he could help, but he'd let it go for now. 

“Isak’s never fucked a girl,” Even said with a laugh, changing the subject and patting Isak on the back a few times. He hoped it was an okay thing to say, he wasn’t giving up the subject of his virginity, but it wasn’t like he could keep the pride off his face, either. “He’s just one hundred percent gay. He’s only got guys under his belt.”

“One guy,” Isak said, lifting his head and looking up at the boys. He still looked so tired, but there was a hint of pride in there too, actually happy to admit it. Or maybe he was just thankful for a subject change.

 

**~Friday Afternoon~**

“Even, baby, I want to tell you, I do,” Isak sighed and wrapped his arms around Even from behind. Even was getting a little frustrated by Isak not telling him, and he had officially turned his back to him, strumming his guitar on his bed. It was after the guitar lesson and he had offered to strum Isak to sleep for a nap. Except, he couldn’t keep the questions off his lips. Why couldn't he tell Even? Of all people, he should have been able to tell Even.

“Then tell me, I can keep a secret, Isak,” Even huffed and then turned his body, setting the guitar aside and looking at Isak with sad eyes. “It’s keeping you up at night and that’s not fair. You should talk to me about it. I can handle it, you know, if you’re worried about that. I’m not going to go all manic because someone’s getting an abortion.” 

“Even, please, it’s not going to keep me up anymore,” Isak said and then crawled into his lap. He was being all snugly and cute. Playing his little game so that Even really couldn’t stay frustrated at all. Even though Even just wanted to help, he guessed he could let it go for now, but he couldn't let it go for much longer, “I’ll tell you when she tells the dad. Which should be by the end of the night. So, it’s chill. It’s okay. I don’t want to keep it from you. I love you, Even and I want to tell you everything. Always. I’m just trying to do this right, okay? Trying to be a good person and whatever.” 

“Fine,” Even wrapped his arms around Isak and laid back with him in his arms, “I trust you and I love that you want to be a good person. I just hate that it’s been keeping you up. I don’t get why it’s been keeping you up. I just want to help.”

“Help by playing with my hair n’stuff while I take a nap,” Isak said with a grumbly voice, everything about him giving away how exhausted he was. Even would gladly do anything he could to make sure Isak got some good sleep right now. Especially because he loved playing with Isak’s hair. Especially because he needed to relax all that pent up stress he was getting from the situation some girl pulled him into.  
*

**~Friday Night~**

Isak texted Sonja like seven times after his nap. Even was really on him and he was starting to break. Besides, her time was running out and he warned her. So, he begged her to tell him a few more times, and still had no idea if she was going to or not. He and Even made it to the party, and though Isak was still not completely rested, he was ready to get drunk with his friends and climb all over Even all night long. He would eventually have to tell him, and since he never got a chance to read those pamphlets—just quick glances during Even and Ana’s guitar lesson—he was hoping being drunk would do the trick better than bombarding him with information. 

He was two drinks in and so far, he was pretty sure that either Sonja hadn’t said a word, or Even hadn’t checked his phone. Either way, he was making himself ready, watching as Even talked to Elias, Adam, Mutta and Chris. Isak had been chatting with Eva, Noora, Vilde and Magnus for a bit, but now as he leaned against the wall, eyes on his boyfriend across the room. He was all smiles as he talked to his friends, not drunk, Isak could tell he was being cautious and nursing his drinks. Because he was still worried about the upcoming episode. He didn’t want to fuck with his body chemistry. It was worrisome, seeing as Isak was going to give him news that might fuck up all of Even’s caution.

He spotted Sana, Mahdi, and Unni all talking to Eskild and Linn at the table. 

“I need another drink,” He told the group he had long since been ignoring, officially excusing himself before he walked away. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed another drink, cracking it and downing some of it right then and there. When he set it down, he let out a sigh and leaned against the counter. The group at the table were staring at him and he slowly met eyes with each of them; realizing he had been more noisy and boisterous than he meant to be, he wondered if he was somehow already drunk. 

“Uhh, sorry,” He lifted up his drink and laughed a little, “thirsty.” He swallowed hard then took another dramatic—but much less dramatic—sip and then looked them back over. When he met Sana’s eyes, he gave her a look. He had to talk to her because he was about to do this. Just a few more drinks and he was just going to go for it. There was a twitching of her lips that made Isak believe she understood what he wanted so he shrugged a little then looked away, “Bye now.”

He then walked back to where the rest of the party resided, looking around and re-finding Even and then looking for a space where he could talk to Sana in private amongst the chaos of dancing and drinking games. He searched but then just decided to walk down the hallway that led to Noora’s room and leaned against a wall, drinking more of his beer. He listened to the music for a few moments. Not his choice, but a few good songs had popped up, as if whoever was in charge of the playlist was aware of his—and his guy friend’s—choice of music, which as shocking seeing as it was a party thrown by the girls. 

“I saw that look you know, why are you going to meet Isak?” Eskild’s voice filtered into the space he was at, just audible enough over the music as he and Sana were walking down the hallway together. He looked up and saw the two of them coming towards him, Eskild with his curious smirk and Sana with a look of pure frustration. 

“Eskild, go, it’s private,” Sana groaned and then stopped in front of Isak, pushing Eskild back down the hallway. 

“But it’s my house and _I’M_ his Guru, damn it.” 

“It’s fine, Sana,” Isak rolled his eyes and shook his head, “I guess maybe he’ll have something to say about it, too? He’d find out some way, he knows how to get what he wants. He’s an optimist.”

“Fine,” Sana rolled her eyes and leaned on the wall next to Noora’s door, “What’s up?” 

Eskild leaned his hand on the wall opposite of her, looking over at Isak with raised eyebrows. He was still smirking, but it was more out of success over being involved than it was curiosity. He had no idea what he was about to hear. But Isak would bet that he'd love the amount of drama even though he wasn’t expecting it to be anything earth shattering. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe his reaction would make Isak be able to gauge how good or bad the situation actually was. Because Isak had no idea. He had no idea the level of severity and he was freaking out all night long, thinking it was too severe, then walking around all day like it was no big thing and exhausted out of his mind. 

“Right, so, Sana already kind of knows,” Isak swallowed hard and then warned her, “I’m going to tell you who now too because I’m a little drunk and I think that it might help you help me. Maybe.” He felt a ramble about to come on but he took a deep breath, another long sip of his drink and then just unloaded, “So, Sonja is pregnant. With Even’s baby. Except, he doesn’t know and she’s, uh, terminating the pregnancy probably. So, it’s like nothing. But then, I know because she came to me about it so I feel like I have to tell him because I tell him everything. But it’s not my secret to tell, not really and then it feels like it’s not mine to keep either. I tried and _I tried_ to get her to tell him all night last night and then all day today. She won’t and he’s getting suspicious of me and—”

“Isak! We need you breathing here, buddy,” Sana stopped him, stepping forward, reaching out and putting a hand on his shoulder. She took a deep breath and looked at him, telling him to do so as well. So he did. “Alright. So, it’s easy. Tell him. You don’t keep secrets from people you love.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Eskild pushed off the wall, bounding over to where the two others now stood. Isak was taking more deep breaths. “But, like Isak said, it’s nothing. No big deal. Like, a morning after pill, basically. It’s nothing to keep so why tell and freak him out? I say just let it go. If you’re not holding onto it, then there’s no secret.”

“Yeah, but what if someday Even finds out?” Sana shook her head, giving Eskild and incredulous look then looking back at Isak. “Don’t risk your relationship for something that’s no big deal. Since, like both of you said, it’s nothing, then Nothing would be destroying your relationship because Nothing was being kept from him. Get it?”

“Faen, are you both right?” 

*  
“Seriously, you two seem to actually be hitting it off,” Even was talking to Mutta. They’d gone off together to get more drinks and when then came back, their group of friends were scattered across the room, dancing and chatting up with other people. Even took this as his chance to ask Mutta about Chris. He was in the mood for romance from holding Isak while he slept, and now he was significantly lacking Isak. Their friends had practically kept them apart all night and Even was itching. So he thought maybe Chris and Mutta, who seemed to talk a lot and laugh a lot together, would help him scratch that itch. 

“I actually think I’ve hooked up with her before,” Mutta said with a little laugh, looking around awkwardly, “I’m not one hundred percent sure though because I was plastered.” 

“Well, she probably doesn’t remember, either, if that helps” Even laughed, shaking his head before looking back at Mutta curiously, “Wait, you’re not the guy who came a lot, are you?” 

“The guy who came a lot?” Mikael asked, brushing into the conversation, a fresh whiff of weed coming from his person. He guessed that that was probably where Isak had been, too, because he finally could spot him in the crowd of their friends now. He was talking to Sana and Yousef. “The fuck did I miss here?” 

“Nothing, nothing,” Even laughed and shook his head some more before looking back at Mutta, not being able to stop smiling at the thought, even though it probably wasn’t him. Probably. “I don’t think you were at that party. Or maybe. Anyway, Mikael, were you just smoking with Isak? Is he trashed?” 

“You can tell he’s tipsy, but he’s not like, trashed _per say,_ ” Mikael shrugged and then looked Even’s face over, “Did you get the scratch from the fight Jonas told me about? At the skatepark?” 

“Yeah, actually,” Even laughed and reached up, touching the scratch that was getting better everyday. He hoped it wouldn’t scar, though. He took care of it, just in case, hoping that would help prevent scarring because maybe he cared a little too much about his looks. “Fucking Isak and his damn masculinity.” 

“Fucking Isak, eh?” Mikael asked curiously, nursing his drink in his hand and raising a brow at Even, “You two alright? You haven’t really been together tonight.” 

“We’re great, but his friends deserve some time with him too,” Even nodded and then looked down at his half-drank beer in hand that was probably warm at this point. He’d been with Isak not to long ago, had joined him for a short conversation with Eva and Vilde before Elias was pulling Even away. “He needs to be shared because he’s an angel and stuff. Besides, his friends are all worried about him about things and that’s probably why their having the party. So I’m just sitting back.” 

“Okay? Are you worried about him?” Mutta asked, still standing there with them though Even had found himself just focused on Mikael. Because Mikael had just been with Isak, he had the latest Isak information and it was what Even wanted to hear. He was probably going to cave soon and scoop Isak up into his arms to take him away and be alone with him. 

“Nei, not at the moment,” Even shook his head. Isak had slept pretty well after he had promised to tell Even later and Even had believed he was telling the truth. So, he wasn’t worried. And he wasn’t worried about what the rest of his friends were worried about: the Emma rumor. As long as no one brought it up, though, and Isak was happy and smiling, he wasn’t worried. “It’s fine. His friends are just sweet, not like you guys.” 

“Ouch,” Mutta put a hand on his chest and shook his head, “on that note, I’m going to step away and let you think about what you’ve said. Give you time to remember you love me. Love us.” 

“I’ll let you know when I do,” Even continued to joke, looking back at Mikael now, who was just laughing at the exchange. There was a time where his laugh would have filled Even’s chest with emotion, but now, it just made him smile because he was still smiling. Even wasn’t shitty enough to ruin him, or something. He let Mutta disappear before he talked again, “So, what’s going on with you and Jonas?” 

“We’re hooking up, kind of regularly,” Mikael shrugged a little and then took a sip of his drink. “Nothing’s official. He’s not about labels right now, he said. Still not sure what that means but I guess I don’t really need a relationship right now anyway. I’m not going to let myself get attached to someone I met on the rebound, you know? I hope though that I’ll find someone legit now, though.”

“Good luck with that,” Even bit his lip and then looked down at the ground. He felt a little awkward, a little bad that he had found someone so great and Mikael was still lost in love. Sleeping with Jonas regularly, who probably wouldn’t ever date him, hoping to stumble on someone else and fall deeply and madly. “I’m sorry.” 

“Hey, don’t be sorry,” Mikael smiled and then pressed a hand on Even’s shoulder with a smile, “I’m glad you’re with Isak. Despite being your ex, I think the two of you were kind of meant to be together, and it feels like it’s been obvious for a long ass time. Let’s just hope that he doesn’t dump you, because once that scratch scars up, you’re going to get even uglier.” 

“I happen to know you think I’m pretty damn hot,” Even pointed out, letting Mikael run his thumb over the scratch before his hands fell back to his sides. Light touches like that from Mikael used to make him tingle, now he took pride in the fact that it felt like nothing. 

“Ah, well, the past—” 

“Dadddddy,” Isak said cheerfully, bouncing over to the two boys and wrapping his arms around Even’s neck. He kissed up and down his jaw and kind of hung there from Even’s neck, “I’ve missed you all night long, _Daddy._ Why aren’t you taking care of me, huh? I’m a drunk mess.” 

“You don’t need to be taken care of, Isak,” Even laughed and looked at Mikael with a shrug. He was certain that the startled look in his eyes was from Isak referring to him as “Daddy,” but Even knew what he was doing. “Sorry, though, Mikael he’s right, he’s a drunk mess and I’ve missed him too. So, yeah, talk to you later.” He smiled small and pulled Isak away, bringing him to the couch and pulling him down into his lap. Isak clung on, holding onto his neck and sitting sideways, letting his nose rub against Even’s. 

“Even, I’m drunk.” 

“You are,” Even laughed and then planted a few kisses on his face. He really had missed him. “So much for calling me Daddy to scare off _your_ friends, huh?” 

“To scare off my friends _and_ ex boyfriends who are touching you,” Isak said matter-of-factly, sitting back and furrowing his eyebrows. He looked at Even as seriously as he could in his drunk state and Even couldn’t help but smile at the jealousy spewing from his lips and his eyes. “But, not any other times, don’t get used to it.” 

“So your Daddy Issues don’t fall into some sexual kink for you?” Even joked, putting his hands on Isak’s hips and squeezing them as he went on. “Because I could totally be your _Daddy,_ Isak. Take care of you and give you things.” He moved his lips closer to Isak’s ear and spoke deeper, “ Punish you when you’re a _bad boy?_. Oh yeah, I could totally do that.”

“As appealing as you make it sound,” Isak shivered a little and then pressed his forehead up against Even’s, “I’m still not calling you that. I think it would just connect you to my actual Dad in my head and I am not touching him with a fucking twenty foot pole. Besides, it wasn’t like I called you that the first time to be _sexual._ I was just think about your long legs and the idea of you being a Dad. Like an actual father with a baby and stuff and it just came out, oops.” 

“You’ve got a lot of baby thoughts going on in that head lately, huh?” 

“You have no idea,” Isak sighed and shook his head, looking Even over for a couple of moments as his brain worked behind his eyes, maybe a thousand thoughts passing over them before he talked again. He took a deep breath and spilled, “Because, like, Even... Baby, it’s Sonja. Sonja came to me and she’s getting an abortion and she refuses to tell you because it’s her body and I get it but _Even_ it’s you. You’re the dad and I want you to know and I’m not supposed to tell you and I am supposed to tell you and it’s confusing. But baby, I love you and I’m here for you, whatever you think or you need...I’m here.” 

“Sonja..” Even just blinked a couple of times. What the fuck was he supposed to be thinking right now? Happy, relieved, sad, angry, confused, irritated, hurt. Fuck, it was all there. But, it didn’t matter. Nothing changed and yet...Fuck. Sonja would have been the last person to cross his mind when he was asking Isak about this earlier. He didn't even know the two were in contact at all. “Sonja’s pregnant. Sonja’s pregnant with my baby and she’s getting an abortion. Okay... That... Fuck. That’s a thing. Has she made an appointment yet? I need to talk to her. Fuck.” 

“She’ll probably be expecting your call,” Isak sighed and then collapsed in onto Even’s chest, as if the entire situation defeated him. “I told her I was going to tell you if she didn’t so she knows you’ll know and I’m sure she expects to hear from you.” 

“Nei, I gotta go to her house, Isak.”  
* 

**~Saturday Morning~**

Even and Isak ended up leaving the party early. Even told him to stay, told him he was too drunk, that he just needed to talk to Sonja alone. But, fuck that. Even drunk, Isak wasn’t okay with that. He was going anywhere Even wanted to go, he was going to be by his side through all of it. So, they walked the streets to Sonja’s, Isak clinging on to Even through his drunken stumbles. He clung on and coo’d at him, making sure he was mellow, he was chill. He had a facade up, calm, cool, collected. But, Isak knew better than to believe that. When Even’s face gave away nothing like that, Isak always knew to be worried. 

He stayed in the other room and listened in on Even and Sonja talking. Even wanted to be there for Sonja’s doctor appointment, he wanted to help her through it. He said that even if she changed her mind about getting rid of it, he’d be there for her, for the baby. Still calm, still cool, still completely guarded. Isak just listened and leaned his head against the wall he was leaning against, feeling completely freaked out as he slowly sobered up. His entire body coming to realization of how real it all officially was, wondering what may happen from there. 

After a while, Sonja claimed to be too tired to keep going on, to keep talking to Even, so the two of them went home and cuddled up in Even’s bed. There was a tension in the air and Isak could tell that Even didn’t want to talk about it. So, Isak filled the space with talk about alternate universes and stories of their past that maybe Even could draw about. Eventually, Even fell asleep with Isak droning on and on and on about nothing. Then Isak played with his hair until he passed out too, holding the his boyfriend all night long and actually getting a little bit of sleep. 

When he woke up the next morning, Even wasn’t there. It wasn’t even that late in the morning, Isak actually declared it an early morning when he looked at his phone and saw it was only quarter to ten. Usually, he’d want to just roll over and fall back to sleep, but he couldn’t, he wouldn’t. Because he couldn’t remember the last time he woke up and Even wasn’t right there with him and that was really unsettling. It made him feel more worry in the pit of his stomach, but as he got up, he hoped that he would just find Even somewhere in the house, having planned on slipping back into bed with Isak before he woke up. 

He put on some sweats and a t-shirt, then headed out, peeking his head into the living room. Ana and Martin were curled up on the couch together, watching early morning cartoons. He bit his lip then headed to the kitchen, Josefine was there, sipping on a coffee while typing rapidly on a laptop but no Even. Isak sighed a little and walked right out without any formalities. The only other place Even could be in the house was the bathroom, so Isak crossed his fingers and walked down the hall, groaning to himself and then sliding down on the wall when he found the bathroom door was open with no one inside. 

Even wasn’t home.

He sat there and ran his fingers through his hair a couple of times. The worry in the pit of his stomach swirled around, making him nauseous. Even hadn’t even texted him or left him a note. Nothing. He was just gone. He tried to stay calm, though, taking a few deep breaths and telling himself that it meant nothing. Even was fine. He would just call him quick and find out he was with Yousef or Elias or someone and everything would be okay. 

So he pulled out his phone and called him, holding his breath as he listened to it ringing. 

“Halla Isak,” Even said as he picked up, making Isak breathe out happily, a rush of relief soaring through him. Even wasn’t off on some bender during an episode, slipping away and not telling anyone to jump off a bridge or something crazy. Not ignoring everyone. “You’re up early.” 

“Well, I woke up and you weren’t there to cuddle with,” Isak said, his voice a little whiny as he got up and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him and then sitting up on the sink. “Where are you?”

“I went for a walk,” Even said quietly, Isak beginning to hear the signs of him being outdoors, the wind over the speaker, cars driving by. “I just needed some fresh air, I thought I’d be back before you got up, though. Did you sleep alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, I slept fine,” Isak shrugged a little to himself and looked up at the ceiling, “Want me to come meet you? You can finish your fresh air walk with me.”

“No, no, that’s alright babe,” Even said slowly, his voice pensive, “I just kind of wanted to be alone. Besides, it’s pretty cold and I’ll be heading home soon. I can pick you up a coffee and a bagel though, if you want breakfast?”

“Sure, thanks baby,” Isak sighed a little, trying not to be hurt at Even wanting to be alone. It made sense that maybe he wanted to sort through his thoughts alone, but Isak wanted to be there for him right now. “You’re not mad at me, are you? You know I love you and I didn't want to hurt—” 

“Isak, I’m not mad,” Even laughed a little on the other line. “I’m glad you told me because Sonja was never going to. I love you, too.”

 

 **~Saturday Afternoon~**  
*  
Sonja had officially made an appointment with the clinic that morning. The appointment was for Monday, after school so that Even could go with her. She told him that he didn’t have to because it was more like an appointment to make an appointment, but he didn’t care. He’d go. He imagined Isak would go, too. Seeing as he was all tangled up in this mess that Sonja and Even had made. This mess that Even couldn’t actually believe was happening. He should have never been in this situation. Sonja should have never had to make this choice. And, it kind of hurt. She was giving up what would be his child, not yet formed, sure, but a piece of Even that could have been more. 

He probably shouldn’t have been passing on his fucked up genes anyway. 

He was too young, Sonja was too young. He wasn’t ready, he wasn’t stable enough to be responsible for another life. If Sonja had decided to keep it, then he would have done everything he could..but he would have never been enough for that baby, and that thought kind of hurt the most. Especially since he theoretically did want kids someday. He would never be enough for his theoretical future children if he wasn’t stable, wasn’t under control of himself. Even if they didn’t have his genes.

He kind of felt like he hit a wall. Like there was so much that he didn’t even realize about himself. About his future, about his life from here. Because of his disorder. Because of who he was. Maybe he and Isak would get married, maybe they wouldn’t. Maybe Isak wanted to have kids but would agree that Even wasn’t going to be enough for the father of his kids and they’d break up. What _was_ Isak thinking about all of this, anyway? He’d been stepping around it for Even’s sake but now, here they were in Isak’s bed, on the verge of the conversation. One of them was about to break the ice, Even could feel it. 

“You know, Even,” Isak said quietly, breaking the silence, his finger tracing Even’s jaw nice and gently. He was going to be the one, then, “I would have helped you, if she had the baby. It wouldn’t have changed anything between us. Not if you wouldn’t let it. I wouldn’t let it if I had a say, that’s for damn sure.”

“It’s easy to say that when we know she’s not having the baby, you know,” Even retorted, also being quiet, gentle with his voice while his fingertips traced up and down Isak’s spine. “I’d like to think that I wouldn’t have let anything change, either. But, I don’t think I could let you take that much responsibility. Not when you have such a bright future ahead of you. You’d probably be the one who ended up leaving, being stuck here with me and a baby and _Sonja_.” 

“Hey,” Isak rolled over on top of Even, looking down into his eyes seriously, “I don’t think I have it in me to leave you. Not ever. Not for any reason. I would give up everything if it meant being with you forever.”

“That’s probably another good reason that she doesn’t keep the baby, then,” Even told him, not helping the small smile on his lips. It was dangerous, Isak saying things like that because Even believed him, because Even felt the same. It would tear him apart to leave Isak. But life was unpredictable, throwing challenges like this right in their faces. Maybe they’d always catch a break or be able to get over it like this, but if they didn’t...If one of them ended up leaving the other, well, they’d both be broken. But, he supposed that was a problem for Future Even and Future Isak, because right now, they were okay, things were going to be okay. And right now, Isak was on top of Even, being so soft and lovable and everything Even needed. 

“Probably,” Isak shrugged a little and then nuzzled his nose against Even’s. He moved his hands through Even’s hair and let one land on his neck, lifting up his head to connect their lips in a sweet, slow kiss. It was exactly what Even needed to get off his self-deprecating thoughts. Isak’s lips overlapping with his, fusing love and content straight to his brain. He pulled back for a moment, his eyes fluttering open to meet Even’s, “I mean it, though, Even. Forever.” 

“Forever,” Even agreed with a nod of his head before surging back upwards and connecting their lips again. It was still soft, sweet, but this kiss had more energy, more passion. Even grabbed onto Isak’s hips then slid his hands upward, bunching up Isak’s shirt underneath his arms as the kiss grew heavier and heated. Even’s brain effectively beginning to go blank with anything but Isak saying the word “forever.” It was a song he could put on repeat for that exact amount of time. This intimacy with him was everything what he needed. 

They kissed and removed each other’s clothes until they were only in their boxers. Even found his way on top and kissed around Isak’s chest, biting around his nipples and making sure to mark him up completely. He’d been using his teeth so much more since Isak’s confession, and Isak really didn’t seem to mind in the slightest, so he kind of did it out of habit now. He loved biting him, feeling his skin quiver and his back arch while he let out little gasps of breath. 

“We-eeee’ve never done this in my bed,” Isak choked on the first part of the word then finished by drawing it out with a higher pitched voice as Even kissed back up and sunk into his collar bone. 

“That’s because I have a stereo and you’re loud,” Even teased, pulling back and moving to sit up straight as he looked down at his work, tracing Isak’s new marks with his pointer finger and then circling it around his left nipple ever-so slightly. “But, now I kind of want to do it in your bed. Can we do it in your bed? Or are you too worried?”

“I’ll be quiet,” Isak nodded, his voice still shaky, Even’s touch making him squirm. He could feel Isak’s hard on against his thigh. Even though he really didn’t think Isak could be quiet, he wanted him and could literally feel how much Isak wanted him too. Right then and there. So, Even dipped back down, sliding down Isak’s thighs and starting to trail kisses below his ribs. He listened to Isak mewl as he lowered his boxers and kissed further and further. He stopped to bite and suck marks on his left hip before kissing to his dick. He slowly kissed up from his base to his tip, feeling Isak’s body tremble with each new touch of his lips. 

He wrapped his lips around his tip and then hollowed his cheeks, taking him in slowly once, then twice before pulling away with a wet pop. Isak groaned quietly and reached down for Even’s hair, getting a little needy as he tangled his fingers in it and guided Even’s lips back. Even let him, obliging by sinking down on his cock a few more times, still slower than Isak wanted as he whimpered above him. He took a big breath through his nose and then pulled off again, shaking Isak’s hands and looking down at him. 

“Jesus, baby,” he laughed a little and took Isak’s hand, pinning it up over his head, “getting forceful with me, hmm?” 

“Sorry,” Isak blushed a little and squirmed where he was laying, his lower half obviously upset by the sudden lack of touch. “You’re such a tease, though.”

“I know, I know,” Even laughed and then got up, taking Isak’s boxers off all the way before stepping out of his own and walking over to the door to his room. “I’ve gotta get the lube and condoms, though, real quick.” He licked his lips and stood there for a moment, looking over Isak’s body, squirming with a lustful need for Even. When Isak grabbed a pillow and threw it at him, he knew he had been staring a moment too long. He shook his head with a laugh then quickly finished his mission to get their supplies, coming back into the room and immediately settling between Isak’s legs. 

Isak whined a little about the wait, but let Even dip back down and kiss between his thighs as he spread them wider. Even wanted to consume every part of him when he was like this. When Isak was feeling lusty, it was like he glowed with a sheen of it. It made him taste delicious—more delicious than usual—and Even just wanted more, more, more as he lapped up every inch of his body. He spread Isak’s cheeks and slowly started eating him out, swirling his tongue around and prodding at his entrance with fervor. He pressed a hand up underneath Isak’s thigh, hitching it up as Isak made sweet little noises that told Even he liked what he was doing to him. 

“Ev-ennn, you’re so good at that,” Isak sighed, still doing good with being quiet enough as he reached his hand down into Even’s hair, tangling it up and pulling as his back arched. A little squeak escaped his mouth and it was fucking adorable, Even’s heart swelling ten times more as he moved to kiss back up Isak’s torso. Eventually, he was back at his neck and pulled away with a smile. 

“I don’t know what that noise was, but I liked it,” Even laughed a little and leaned down pressing his forehead to Isak’s as he grinded his hips up against his lower half. He swallowed hard and let their lowers collide and rub, filling him with more tender pleasure. “I love you so damn much, Isak.” 

“I love you, too, Even,” Isak groaned a little and tilted his head up, letting their lips brush while his hands worked at Even’s hair. Even kissed him for a little bit, grinding their hips and vibrating in every single place their skin touched until it was too much. Until both of their bodies were absolutely wanton with it. Then he grabbed the lube and worked Isak open. Isak crooned and whined, clenching his jaw and trying his best to keep quiet. It made Even’s heart swell even more. Like there was nothing this boy beneath him could do that wasn’t so fucking lovable and adorable. Fuck. He loved him so much. 

Once the condom was on, Even moved back on top of him, chest to chest as he guided his cock to Isak’s hole. The two of them locked eyes as he pressed himself inside, the both of them letting out little groans of pleasure, mouths agape just centimeters from the other’s. While Isak adjusted, Even bit and tugged on his lower lip, then his top lip, then took them both into his mouth, sucking them in between his own lips before nibbling at each of them a little. Isak sighed through his nose and then Even started rocking his hips. 

The whole thing was passionate and slow, their hips colliding with a slowness Even’s mind couldn’t comprehend. Even if there was a rather hard thrust, it was slow, it was planned out, given and taken with care. Each of them breathed their moans into each other’s mouths, their entire bodies sliding up against each other as they worked into their careful and loving rhythm. He felt himself move to the edge and back a few times, working Isak the same way, bringing him to the edge and not letting him come so that he could be like this with him for a long while. So he could feel so good and encompassed by love and lust for longer than usual. It was a little selfish, but Isak seemed to be enjoying it, too. Except, as the they started to build up for the fourth time and Isak was beginning to look completely wrecked beneath him, his quiet moans growing louder, Even knew it was probably time to let go. 

He lifted up his own body just a little, reaching down with a hand to hitch up one of Isak’s legs, holding it up by the back of his thigh while the other found its way to his mouth, pressing over his swollen lips because, well, he couldn’t expect the boy to be completely torn apart the way Even had been working him and not make noise. Isak licked his hand but Even pressed harder as he began to move his hips faster, crashing into Isak’s sweet spot now with a hard vigor. Even felt himself building up quickly this time with the rapid movements, all the wait making his body need the release. He felt Isak building up too as he began moaning underneath Even’s hand. 

“S’okay, baby, I’ll let you come this time,” Even managed to tell him breathlessly, his hand under Isak’s thigh being the only thing keeping him suspended as his body filled up with the pleasure. His chest was so full, his heart so swollen by the whole endeavor, he wasn’t even sure which part of him would explode first. Would love or lust win the race?

Isak basically screamed beneath his hand as he he came beneath them, spilling his come up over each of their stomachs. Even’s chest swelled more, and he just continued thrusting his hips, meeting his own climax in a few short moments. He moaned louder than he intended then let go of Isak’s mouth before moving to crash down beside him. His whole body was shaking, completely exhausted and yet awake and alive, feeling so fucking much. 

“I, uh, I’m probably going to cry now,” he admitted quietly as all the emotions took over his body, his voice cracking a little as he turned on his side and pulled Isak into his arms. He thought maybe this time if he warned him, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. He just. He was emotional and being so intimate with Isak completely tore him to pieces, making him somehow happy enough to fucking cry while his heart threatened to beat out of his chest. 

 

**~Saturday Evening~**

“I promise, it’ll be fun,” usually, when Isak was feeling down, a guy’s day was in order. But, instead of planning a guy’s day for Even, Isak planned a girl’s night at Noora’s. Apparently he did this while Even slept after they had sex and then caught some sleep of his own, “The girls know how to have fun and let loose, believe it or not. They made me feel like, free the night that I ended things with Jonas. I think that it’s just what you need, honestly.” 

“I’m not doubting you,” Even laughed a little, Isak felt like he had to really sell this idea to Even. As if a night with the girls—plus probably Eskild—would be repulsive to him. In reality, though, Even was cool with the idea as soon as he said it. “Don’t worry, I’m not thinking it’s _too gay_ or something to spend the night with the girls. Plus I want to bet you like, a hundred kroner that Magnus shows up by the end of the night. Oh and a hundred more that I get Noora and Eva to spill on their relationship. Also I’m totally going to paint my nails blue. Just for you.” 

“Two hundred Kroner in all? Going big then,” Isak laughed and shook his head. The two boys randomly bet on things every now and again, but neither of them ever bet over a hundred because they never really had much money when they were just kids; only carried what was given to them for lunch and/or the bus on them, so they wouldn’t have much to give. They started by betting with just individual crowns and then worked their way up in the smallest fucking increments over the years. Two hundred was like a million dollar leap for the two of them even though it still really wasn’t a lot at all. Even just wanted to _“bet big”_ because, despite fucking everything he still had Isak on his arm and that was damn lucky. Plus, he knew Magnus would wind up wherever Vilde was and well, Eva and Noora had been literally inseparable since the squad fight and he really thought something was going down. 

“Oh yeah, baby,” Even laughed and kissed his cheek. All in all, he probably could have spent the whole night alone with Isak. They could have gone for a chilly walk with hot cocoa and a look at the stars or climb trees or something. But, he was fine with hanging with the girls too, as long as Isak was there, he was good with whatever. “I’m a lucky man with you by my side. So, I’m going for the gold.”

“So you’re going to have Eva paint your nails blue?” Isak smiled and fluttered his eyelashes with a cute little head tilt. “That’s hot.” 

“Oh yeah, you’re into that?” 

 

The girls had a surplus of wine. Even wasn’t complaining. They painted his nails by 21:00 while listening to poppy music that Isak probably hated and gossipped about boys. Giving Even the ultimately better versions of the types stories he’d been hearing at lunch. For Vilde, just filling in the blanks of Magnus’ stories—she was more romantic about it. He wondered how Isak would talk about him, if it would vary as to whether he was talking to the boys or the girls. 

“Isak,” He said, sitting with the boy almost in his lap, squeezing his side and butting into the story Vilde was telling while painting Isak’s nails. Red this time. The two of them paused and looked up at him, “I love you.” 

“I love you, too,” Isak said with a laugh, twisting his body and kissing him on the jaw. “Everything okay?” 

“Mm, I’m just prepared to brag about you, is all,” Even smirked and looked around the room, watching all the girls with their wine eyes smile happily at the thought of hearing about Isak’s sweet spots. Of course they would. He had built up walls for a while, needing to seem manly and made of steal. But, Even liked to believe he was cracking open. The world was starting to see the happy boy inside. 

“Please do, but Isak, stay still,” Vilde looked up and gave Isak serious eyes. “I don’t want to mess up because you’re mauling your boyfriend and I’m here missing mine while some skank probably tries to grind on him at some trashy first year party.” 

“Nobody but you wants to grind on Magnus, Vilde.”

 

Magnus showed around 22:00, singing some Bruno Mars song and lifting Vilde right out of her seat to kiss her in front of everyone. They wrapped up around each other and drunkenly crashed up against a wall or two in a full display of drunken sexual affection in front of everyone before Eskild cheerily offered them his room. "Just to stop seeing that," he had said. 

Around 22:30, Even was sitting next to Eskild, drunker than he had expected, but feeling happily on top of the world with Isak curled up on the other side of him. He thought he was whispering to Eskild, he really had. He was gossiping away and wasn’t as self aware as he thought, apparently. Because, when he looked up, Noora and Eva two girls were looking at the two of them with their eyebrows raised and the same exact curious face. 

“What did you just say?” Eva asked, moving to sit up straighter and looking Even in the eyes. As if daring him to actually tell her. To actually say it out loud. It got him closer to the idea of actually winning the bet, though it wasn’t exactly the way he planned to win it. 

“Even!” Isak scolded with a drunken giggle and a playful smack on Even’s chest. If he was sober it probably would have been actually meant to scold him, but wine always hit Isak and Even pretty good, making them regret it the next day when their bodies were hating them. So he was too drunk to care about what Even just said out loud.

“Fy faen, guys,” Even shook his head and laughed, deciding to be confident about it without outright outting them either, “I just think you two would be a killer hot couple. We need another hot, gay couple to double with.” 

“Why does it have to be a gay couple?” Noora asked curiously, raising an eyebrow and cocking her head to the side with a little smile. Well, she wasn’t mad. Not yet, anyway. “Magnus and Vilde would just _love_ to double with you.” 

She and Eva laughed. It was probably a reference to the two of them forcing Jonas and Eva on that double date when they first started dating. Even didn’t really know details about it, but now he seemed to think something had gone terribly wrong. He suddenly found himself feeling instantly intrigued, wondering if there was a good story behind it. He had to ask. And that’s how Noora and Eva got out of the conversation without Drunk Even thinking twice about it until the end of the night. 

 

A little after one in the morning, Eskild, Noora, and Eva all escorted Even and Isak out. They were the last two left, Vilde heading off with Magnus first, and not long after, Chris and Sana were off. Even kind of wondered if they’d go back to Sana’s and run into Yousef and Mutta then have an impromptu double date of their own. Less embarrassing and awkward than Magnus literally popping a boner from Vilde reaching into the popcorn on his lap and then the two of them all over each other, going at it in the seats right next to Jonas and Eva.

“Hey, hey, so you guys are going to think about it,” Even pointed between Noora and Eva, “and you’re going to get back to me when you’re happily in love. It’d be totally awesome.” 

“Byyeee Evennn,” The two girls laughed and closed the door, Eskild immediately going at them from the other side of the door, picking up Even’s argument of how cute they’d be together. He had a man on the inside, literally, fighting his argument for him. 

“You know, you don’t get that hundred kroner. They told you nothing,” Isak told him, taking his hand and walking down the stairs with him. “But I’ll give you the hundred for Magnus. Fucking Magnus, I can’t believe that guy.” 

“Me either,” Even laughed and wrapped his arm tight around Isak’s shoulders once they were outside. “Do you want to walk around for a bit before we head home?” 

“Sure, baby.”  
*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment and leave kudos and make me feel good and also school me on norwegian currency if I worded things wrong or whatever in the section about the betting. Okieee, thank you thank you for your support!!


	15. Drowning In An Ocean of Thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not bipolar. However, I have had two people close to me in my life who are bipolar. So, it is difficult for me to get inside Even's head during episodes, though I do know what it looks and feels like for those surrounding. So, basically, this isn't going to be a hundred percent accurate and I'm sorry if anyone feels like I'm doing something wrong or fucking around about the disorder. 
> 
> I wish this chapter was better but I really wanted to post it and I hope you enjoy it anyway.

**~Sunday Morning~**

They walked around the streets, talking about the night, talking about each other, and ogling the constellations. They walked and walked until their legs were starting to get tired and their heads were starting to feel the wear from all the wine. When they finally got home, it was a little before four in the morning and Isak’s head was pounding. Like he had a hangover before he’d even gone to sleep. Usually, he was the drunk friend that liked to pass out, who got drunk and wanted to sleep, but with Even, he tended to stay up and do _other_ things. Still, he’d never stayed up long enough to start feeling hungover in the same night, but apparently Even did. He escorted the two of them into the kitchen and demanded that Isak drink water, a lot of it. While he made them some cheese toasties.

Eventually, they made their way into Even’s room, two glasses filled back up with water—with lemon and cucumber in it for the final round. He promised Isak that it was the cure-all. That when he woke up, he’d feel brand new. Except, they crawled into bed and cuddled up in the their boxers for all of twenty minutes before Even was up again. He opened the window and paced a little before coming back, wrapping his arms around Isak over the covers and pressing a couple more kisses to his cheek and then getting back up again. 

This happened in intervals until seven in the morning. Isak couldn’t help but doze in and out, asking Even to come back to bed every now and then, making sure he’d stay in the room with him, watching from the bed during his awake intervals. Seeing Even dig through the things in his desk, pulling out different notebooks, writing and drawing frivolously, balling up some of the papers and tossing them on the floor. Around seven, when Isak opened his eyes after another interval of sleep, he saw Even with his head down at the desk, pencil in hand with it's tip still pressed to the paper, eyes closed. Finally asleep. Isak got up and helped him into bed with him, hoping that he’d stay asleep, get some needed rest. He held him and fell into a light slumber until around 09:30. 

Another early morning. 

He couldn’t go back to sleep though, because Even was officially showing all the signs of another episode. If he let himself pass out, he might miss him waking up, because there was no way he was going to sleep for long. Isak wanted to be able to monitor it, to watch out for him as best he could. What was it that had set him off, anyway? He seemed more than okay, well equipped to deal with the situation with Sonja. Or well, he seemed to take it in stride, but before that, he had seemed to be managing the oncoming episode. Maybe there was something about it, that stirred his mind, that triggered it. Isak had wanted to bring it up on their walk, but his drunk mind wasn’t fully prepared to handle that, and he had known that, at least. Instead, they steered clear of the subject, kept things light. Or he thought he kept things light. Maybe he’d triggered it by saying something in his drunk state, he didn't know. 

Isak got up, his bones screaming at him to stop, to go back to bed, that he hadn’t slept enough. But, other than that, Even was right, his head didn’t hurt at all, he had felt brand new. He just really had to pee from all that damn water. So he went to the bathroom, washed up and splashed his face with water then went quietly back to Even’s room, taking out his homework and sitting on the floor next to the bed with it. He thought about warning Even’s parents, letting them know he was in the middle of something, but they were just so fresh off the argument that they’d had over him and Isak didn’t want to damage a wound barely healed. 

Besides, if Even and Isak were going to live alone together, he was going to need to be able to handle him on his own. Probably. 

He’d talk to Even about it before he talked to them. He wanted to get a good grip on where Even was, get inside his head as far as he’d let him and get a better look at the situation. It wasn’t that Isak wasn’t worried; every time Even had an episode, Isak worried about what it’d do to him. But, Isak would take this calmly, this time it’d be different because they were together and they’d work through it together. Minute by minute, no matter where his mood fell. They’d figure it out. 

He hoped Even would have the same outlook on it and wouldn't want to go away somewhere to be alone and reckless.

 

When Even woke up, it was almost eleven—Isak would take it as a good sign that he almost settled for four whole hours to sleep. During his mania, Even never really slept more than two or three hours a night. Maybe he’d just been completely exhausted from the night before, but it didn’t matter. Sleep was good. 

He got the two of them peaches and told Even to get dressed. They were going to go for a walk, get some coffee and tea, and then talk everything through. 

“So, should we tell your parents?” Isak asked calmly, walking with him while they sipped on their drinks. Isak got a coffee and Even was drinking some chamomile tea. It was easy to stay calm because Even wasn’t exactly bouncing off the walls just yet. He’d settled back down into something else. His eyes were still a little wild, and his hand still roamed down Isak’s back, over his ass and down the side of his thigh, never staying still, sometimes even teasing to slide it further around into his inner thigh. 

“If you think it’s necessary, fine,” Even shrugged a little, seeming to not care either way, which was probably a good sign too. He usually was completely against his parents and their rules during an episode. “I’m fine right now, aren’t I?” 

“I mean, you seem fine but are you? How are you feeling?” Isak knew that he seemed to be fine, seemed like he wasn’t in the middle of something. But that it would be an easy scale to tip, he knew that much, too. If he just asked one wrong question, said one wrong thing, Isak would lose him. Mentally, at least. Maybe even physically. That’s why they stayed close to home. That’s why Isak had Even’s parent’s on speed dial. Just in case he couldn’t handle him when the scale tipped. 

“It’s hard to explain, you know,” Even said quietly, squeezing Isak’s side and looking down at him. “It’s kind of like my body is buzzing. Like I could run a mile, write an entire movie and fuck the shit out of you all at the same time. My brain wants to do it all, and as of right now, all of these things fit inside the realm of _happy_. Not a happy I can control through, if it is something you can control. Because it’s frustrating not being able to do all of the things my brain wants to do. Walking helps, which I assume you already know since it’s your go-to to take care of me.” 

“So, if you were to keep a journal of your feelings, right now it’d read ‘happy, creatively charged, horny, and energetic,’” Isak said as a bit of a tease. A part of him wondered what it’d be like to have sex with Even while he was like this, full of energy and _buzzing_. Another part said it was a bad idea.

“Sounds about right,” Even laughed a little then looked up at the sky while his arm hooked further around Isak’s hip again, hooking a thumb in one of his belt loops. 

“Have you ever tried monitoring your feelings like that? I know you didn’t like anything any of those therapists told you but I don’t think that one would be a terrible idea,” Isak shrugged and slid his hand into Even’s back pocket. “I’m not saying you have to, but you should give it a shot. Maybe. If you want to, anyway.”

“I guess I can give it a shot if you think it’s a good idea, but like I said, it’s difficult to explain and I have a feeling that as soon as my pen hits a paper or I start typing or whatever, that I’m going to get caught up in this whirlwind of thoughts and I’ll end up somewhere else completely,” Even sighed, his fingertips stretching out over the front of Isak’s thigh. The conversation may have been partly serious, but their wandering hands were keeping the seriousness at bay. 

“Mm, you don’t have to,” Isak guided them around the corner, they were close to home. “Maybe start after this episode. Maybe it’ll help with prevention. Or something.” 

“Or something,” Even laughed again, looking down at Isak with those same wild eyes from before. “Are you trying to turn me on?”

“Are you trying to turn me on?” Isak shot back, raising his eyebrow as he let his fingers move out of his pocket, sprawling out over his cheek and giving it a nice squeeze. 

“I already admitted that I’m horny and that I want to fuck the shit out of you,” Even said with a flick of his eyebrows and a devious smirk. 

“I find all the energy to be intriguing,” Isak licked his lips, his heart kind of pounding a little. Was it enabling him to want to have sex with him while he was like this? Was it okay? Maybe it’d be helpful, it’d certainly keep his hands and his mind busy. Maybe stop the frustrating buzzing a little bit. Still, a part of him said he should probably research it before he did anything, but he wasn’t going to be able to stop Even to grab his laptop and do some research. He probably wouldn't even be able to stop himself. “Would sex be a good idea though?”

“Isaaaak,” Even groaned as he pulled Isak up the front steps to their house, giving Isak a frown as he pulled him close, taking him by the hips and looking down at him. “You’re not going to make me have to take care of myself, are you? Because I _will_ resort to porn. Don’t tempt me. And if I get off that way, then what’s the difference?” 

“Feelings and emotions are probably the difference,” Isak sighed and put his hands on either side of Even’s face, “I just...it’s not like I don’t want to. I always want you, but you’ve been getting really emotional and I think that’s great, I love it but I don’t want one activity to lead to another. I feel like I should research it. Know they pros and the cons and be able to understand what I’m getting into. I’m not going to starve you from sex, though. Just...I’m a nerd. Let me do my research?” 

“Fine,” Even ran his hands up Isak’s side, bunching his layers and exposing his skin to the chilly air. “But you’re researching in the same room while I get myself off.” 

“Even, that sounds—”

“Like you won’t be able to keep to yourself,” Even smirked and wiggled his eyebrows before pulling Isak inside.

 

 **~Sunday Night~**  
*  
Even tried to give Ana her guitar lesson as he usually did, but it just wasn’t working out. With his guitar in hand, he kept forgetting it was a lesson at all, his fingers just finding their ways around the neck and strumming the chords as if they had a mind of their own. Ana's questions weren't even registering in his head. Eventually, it turned into a writing session, new chords coming to mind that seemed life changing. He apologized to Ana, kind of, then told her he was done for the day about twenty minutes into it. 

She complained for a bit while Even got out sheet paper and started writing down the notes, the song that his fingers were writing. He focused on it completely, not really registering Ana’s protests at all as his hand tried to keep up with his own brain. Sometimes when he got like this, into the creative zone, he’d look at what he did later and hate every last bit of it, but while he was in the middle of it, he felt _so good_. It was like what he was doing was right in a spotlight with one hell of a performance for his eyes alone. A performance he enjoyed thoroughly when spotlit. But, sometimes, taking away the spotlight made it bland, boring, or even straight out terrible. Sometimes, things just needed the proper lighting. 

He didn’t notice anything else but what he was working on until Isak was kneeling down next to him on the floor, a hand on his shoulder. 

“Hey,” Isak said quietly, reaching with his other hand to grab his arm and stop it. “Ana wants me to help her with her homework, so we’re going to do that in the kitchen and I think your parents are going to come out here. So, maybe you should take this to your room?” 

“Oh,” Even looked over his shoulder at him and then all the scattered papers he had about. “Yeah, I just have to…” he paused, looking over the papers again. Fuck. Where did they start? What was the first paper, the beginning of the song? Which ones had he already declared worthless and why didn’t he rip them up? 

“Want me to help you clean it up?” Isak asked, reaching down for some of the papers to the left of Even. 

“Wait!” He stopped him, grabbing his arm and looking at the pile he had been about to grab, “Wait. I can do it, I’ll clean it up on my own. I just need to keep things in order. Just, here.” He handed Isak the guitar and then looked over the papers on the ground. Some of them were obviously scraps, stopped way too early with a bunch of scribbles. However, he knew there were some of the fully covered pages that he’d given up on after almost finishing them. Which ones were they? Where had they landed?

“Ev,” Isak said gently, putting his hand on Even’s shoulder and looking at him, “Take a deep breath. Why don’t you organize it later, huh? Maybe you can do some of your homework with us now and then after, you can go through all of this with your guitar and I can help you.” 

“You don’t know shit about music, Isak,” Even told him, shaking his head and then starting to sort the obvious scraps out of the pile. He’d start with that. 

“I know what sounds good,” Isak said, getting down and starting to gather up papers too, “you can play it for me and I can tell you what I think. Can’t we do that?” 

“Let me do it,” Even said, more cold than he meant to be, and then took the papers out of Isak’s hand, “Just go help Ana.” 

“Alright, okay,” Isak stopped and then reached out, caressing his knuckles down the side of Even’s face in one calming motion. “I’ll leave you to it, then.” He leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to Even’s forehead now and picked up the guitar, taking it back into Even’s room before heading to the kitchen with Ana.

 

After everything was organized to the best of his ability, Even joined Isak and Ana at the table to do his own homework. When he walked in, he did so quietly, watching as Isak leaned over and gave a loose explanation of DNA to her. He couldn’t take his eyes off the spectacle while it was happening. Isak knew what he was doing, knew what to tell her, knew what to say to make her understand and it was kind of beautiful. He snuck a few pictures of him leaning over her shoulder and explaining and even drew some preliminary sketches of Isak in this position, except with a mini Isak.

He really didn’t get much work done. 

Even with Isak there to try to push him, he found himself up out of his seat more often than not. He’d go to his room, grab something, spend a few minutes on homework, end up drawing, walking over to Isak and rub his shoulders or kiss his neck, and then just do it all over again. He really hated the fact that he’d have to be at school the next day, tapping his fingers on his desks to try to sit still, his leg never stopping shaking while the person next to him asked him to endlessly stop when he couldn't. When he barely even knew he was doing it.

Once Isak was done, he helped Even bring all the things he ended up collecting on the table back to his room and then crashed into bed with him. Despite his worry earlier, he was rolling around with Even on top of the sheets, kissing and grabbing in all their normal ways. Even was almost positive that the research was going to work out against him, but maybe it hadn’t. Maybe Isak had found some benefits of them getting physical while his mania was ready to jump out of him. 

“You know what I noticed while you were helping Ana?” Even asked with a little smirk, rolling on top of Isak and pinning his hands down over his head. He really wasn’t in a huge mood for talking, but he wanted to get this thought out before he lost it forever. 

“What’d you notice?” Isak struggled with his hands for a moment before giving up and lacing their fingers together. His head tilted up just a little, Isak’s sign for wanting another kiss, and oh, he would definitely fucking get it. 

“You’re paternal, too,” Even licked his lips, not being able to keep the smirk off his face. He couldn’t help it. “And it’s pretty damn sexy, you know. You could totally be a daddy.”

“Oh yeah?” Isak laughed and shook his head a little, his hands struggling some more beneath Even’s. “And you mean like, an actual dad, right? Or are we back on the kinky shit?”

“Well, actual dad, but hey, if you want to be my daddy, I could go for that,” Even wiggled his eyebrows, pretty sure that he would go for anything with Isak. Daddy kinks, bondage, whatever, he’d do it with him. All sex was good with him. As long as it was all consensual, of course, and Even would consent to anything while Isak squirmed beneath him looking so damn sexy. “Do you wanna punish me, Isak? Want to _spank_ me?” 

“Jesus, Even,” Isak laughed some more, lifting his head up and nuzzling their noses a little, “I bet that you’ll regret saying that at some point, you know. I read while I was researching that mania can lead to risky sexual behavior and fantasies that are well, not exactly in the wheelhouse of what we’ve already got going on…” 

“Maybe the research was right, maybe it was wrong,” Even shrugged and finally let go of Isak’s hands, grabbing either side of his face and pressing their foreheads together. “But, honestly, Isak, I would try anything with you. At least once. Manic or not. Well, you know, with your consent of course because it’s not like I’m fucked up in that way you, know? Even though I’m definitely fucked up, I'm not in the way Emma is.” 

“Ev, baby,” Isak sighed and moved his hands to Even’s sides running them gently up and down, “You’re not fucked up in any way. You’ve got the bipolar shit, whatever, but it doesn’t make you fucked up. You might want to be kinky, but that doesn’t make you fucked up, either. It’s actually kind of hot. But, I’ll check back in on all that when you’re not manic. Just in case.” 

“Or now,” Even pouted and looked at him, running his hands through those curls, “What did your research say about fucking? About letting me have you _right fucking now_? Because, you’re starving me. I need you.” 

“Faen, Even,” Isak groaned a little, “It’s mixed reviews, honestly. But, uh, maybe I can just start with going down on you? See what happens from there? But, seriously, if it ends terribly, I’m going to have to recruit your parents. And I’ll feel terrible.” 

“Wow, you really know how to kill a mood.”  
*

**~Monday Lunch~**

“Is it difficult to sit through classes?” Isak asked curiously, tossing a skittle in the air and catching it in his own mouth. Even said he wanted to be alone at lunch, just the two of them, and so, it’s where they were. Even was dropped off by a group of friends who were all swooning over him and all of his charisma while he chatted away happily. Obviously, he’d been very up, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, Isak just always kind of wondered what that meant for his concentration. Should he have even been in school mid episode?

“I mean, it always is,” Even wasn’t sitting, and when he was, he was on the edge of the sill, tapping his foot. “But, I guess yeah, it’s moreso. And, half the time I’m pretty sure I’m not learning anything because all I can think about is a crooked poster in the corner, or like, a cracked window that I’m not sure is even supposed to be open because it’s not cracked enough for anything, and then I want to know the story behind someone opening it and then not closing it all the way. My brain kind of just, trails off into other areas, I guess. Like, today in my norwegian class, my teacher was writing on the board. Which is fine, until she erased shit and just left like the little hook of a ‘g’ left on the board, and then I focused on that. I wanted to erase it, but after awhile I made other shapes out of it in my mind and then I started drawing more complex things, starting with just that little hook. Then I kind of got angry when she erased it because, like, I could’ve drawn them on the board. Which, yeah, I could draw my own hook but it wouldn’t be the same.” 

“Did you draw anything worth showing me?” Isak asked, reaching his arm out and making a grabby hand at Even to come over to him. He did, resting his hands on Isak’s shoulders while his own found Even’s hips. 

“Nei, well, I started something really cool in my drawing class, actually,” Even nodded for a moment then looked down at him with a half smirk, “which, totally reminds me, I wanted to show you this other drawing...like a while ago. But, the boys interrupted or something. Fy faen, it’s in my portfolio in the classroom, though. Of course, I think of showing you when I don’t actually have it. Faaaeeennn.” 

“Ev, it’s okay,” Isak smiled small and then stood up, hands still on Even’s hips, “We can go to the art room if you want? You can show me. I’m sure that if there’s a teacher in there, they won’t mind.” 

“Ohhhh, and maybe there won’t be a teacher in there and we can do something fun,” Even smirked and then pulled away, quickly grabbing his backpack and slinging it over his shoulder. “Let’s go, then.” 

“Even, we’re not—”

“You say that now,” Even took the liberty of grabbing Isak’s backpack too, slinging it over the same shoulder and grabbing his hand, “now come on, I want to show you the drawing, anyway.” 

“Fine, fine,” Isak said, letting Even pull him up the stairs and in the direction of his art classroom. He walked fast with him, keeping up with his long and determined strides because if he didn’t, Even was going to dislocate his shoulder with all his eagerness. He was focused on the destination, getting to the classroom, showing Isak the drawing, and who knows what else. So, his eyes were narrowed and he walked fast. 

“Isak, keep up!” He said cheerily, turning his head to the side and smiling brightly at the boy. He laughed a little and wrapped his arm around Isak now, as if a new grip was going to make him able to go go go with him. His eyes flickered from Isak’s to right above his head, and suddenly, he stopped dead, Isak almost falling because, well, objects in motion? Yeah, they like to stay in motion. But Even caught him, just barely. “Oh my god.” 

“What?” Isak asked, looking up at him in a bit of worry as he steadied himself with his own hand around Even’s waist. 

“I fucking knew it!” Even said, basically screaming through the near-to empty hallway. Isak was going to ask again, but Even took his jaw in his hand and snapped Isak’s head to the side to make him see what he was seeing. At first, Isak was confused, a closed door, a couple lockers surrounding it. Whatever. But, when he focused through the blurry glass on the door, he saw what Even saw. What he somehow saw while moving faster than a fucking cheetah. 

Eva and Noora. 

In a pretty heavy embrace, lips locked. 

“Fuck, Even we should...we gotta go, before they know we’ve seen them, come on,” Isak said carefully and then started to pull on Even’s hand, but he just stayed still, completely unmoving as his eyes flickered with with something. He was thinking. 

“We should just tell them the jig is up,” Even said and then started walking over to the door, but Isak quickly grabbed him from behind, wrapping his arms around his torso and pulling him back away from the door. The element of surprise definitely helped him there, or else he may not have been able to be so successful.

“Even, they obviously don’t want anyone to know, we can’t just, like, out them,” Isak still spoke with a careful gentleness, hoping that Even was understanding him. 

“We’re not outing them, we’re telling them we know,” Even said twisting in Isak’s arms and moving himself up against a locker, “two guys who are openly dating each other, who obviously don’t mind if their friends are gay or whatever they are. I just want to tell them I’m happy for them, c’monn.” 

“Ev, I know you might not understand because you’re all confident and charismatic, but it can be hard, telling people these things,” Isak pressed his thumbs into Even’s hips, hoping he could distract him enough to want to go somewhere else. “I knew that you weren’t straight, and I knew that Eskild was gay...but it was still hard for me to tell you guys. I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t confident with myself, and I bet that if I knew that you knew because of that porn shit, that I’d probably have taken longer to tell you. We’re not all as self-assured as you, baby. You have to let them do this on their own time.” 

“Isak, Even, what are you doing here?” Eva’s voiced suddenly spilled into the hallway, the sound of the door creaking open with it. The two of them looked over, her face was flush, her hair a little messed, and walking out behind her, Noora’s lipstick was well smudged and in need of a new application.

“We were...on our way to the art room,” Isak nodded a little, looking stepping back from Even and then coughing into his hand, “We, uh, got carried away, though. But, uh, yeah, we’re just going to go ahead and do that then. Come on, Even.” Isak reached over for his hand, grabbing it and meeting his eyes with a little eyebrow raise, hoping what Isak said somehow got through to him. Which was kind of near-to impossible when he was going through bouts of mania. 

“Right, yeah,” Even said, stepping forward and then looking Noora and Eva over for a moment, “So, what were you guys doing? Did you get in trouble during class again or were you taking my suggestion into mind and getting a little bit of alone time?”

“Even!” Isak hissed, hitting him with the back of his hand and then covering up his face for a moment. Well, it wasn’t like Isak didn’t get through to him. He just kind of, didn’t get completely through to him. He was asking instead of telling them that they saw. But, it was probably pretty damn obvious that they did. Even probably knew that.

“Well, we could go with the class excuse,” Eva said slowly then turned her head to Noora, who just gave a little shrug, now covering her mouth as if she already knew her lipstick was smudged and she was trying to hide it. “But, nei. You’re kind of right, I guess. I mean, Noora and I..well, it’s not as though we’re a couple. We’re friends. Best friends. Just, uh, well, there’s some benefits, I guess you could say. But, like, not feelings. Like, tomorrow one of us could find ourselves a boyfriend and whatever, it’d be done. It’s just fun, and just for now.” 

“Right, like an experiment, almost,” Noora nodded, speaking behind her hand before starting to wipe her lips with her sleeve. “But, it’s not big deal and we’re not telling people, just, not being lonely. So, if you could keep it quiet. We don't want to cause a stir.” 

“Mmm, right,” Even said and then hooked his arm around Isak, “We’ll keep a secret but I’m telling you, it won’t be long before one of you catches feelings. Isak, I’m going to be coming up with another bet, now come on, I really want to show you that drawing.” 

 

 **~Monday Afternoon~**  
*  
The clinic felt awkward, even after they explained to the doctor why three of them were involved in this specific situation and she seemed totally understanding. Even couldn’t help but pace while they waited to see someone and then offered Isak the only other chair in the room while Sonja was talking to the Doctor, the specialist. He kept his hands on Isak’s shoulders, massaging them and trying to keep himself busy so he could focus directly on what the doctor had to say, what the options were, how things would go down. 

Sonja had to take another test, this one would show them how far along she was, that way they’d know if she qualified to terminate the pregnancy without having to apply for it or any other stuff that Even barely focused on. Apparently, as long as she qualified, all she was going to have to do is take some pill and she would “abort at home.” Which, sounded kind of awful in Even’s opinion. Yeah, he hated hospitals, but there was something strange and lonely about Sonja sitting at home, taking a pill and aborting their offspring all by herself. But, Even kept quiet, let the doctor explain all of the possible side effects and risks accompanied with the option of this method. 

It was probably the hardest thing he had ever sat through. Maybe because he was trying so hard to control his emotions, his thoughts, his actions or maybe it was because this was a situation he’d gotten himself into and maybe in one of Isak’s alternative universes, Sonja had that baby. Had Even’s baby. 

“So, we’ll schedule an appointment in a week, go over the results, see how far along you are, and if everything is fine, I can send you off with the prescription for the pill and all of this will become a distant memory,” The doctor said. A pretty, young brunette with all off her hair pulled back into the tightest ponytail Even had ever seen. Prim, proper, stunning, and way too kind as she discussed this thing with three teenagers in an odd triangle situation. “Do you guys have anymore questions then? You’ve been awfully quiet.” 

“Well,” Even said quietly, she was talking to him, knowing he was the _father_ , “I just thought it’d be easier to let Sonja do the talking, it’s her choice and I am totally fine with it, so I don’t know. But, yeah.” 

“Yeah? You have a question?” 

“Well, no,” Even squeezed Isak’s shoulder for a moment and then let go of him, thinking that maybe his grip was getting too hard. He was trying too hard to control himself and Isak was probably taking all the weight of it. “Or, yeah. I’m just curious about genetics? I know we’re not keeping the baby..but for future reference, kind of, I don’t know. I’m bipolar. So, I just kind of wanted to know how that might affect a kid with my genes? What are the chances my child would get it?” 

“Off the top of my head, I believe there would be a ten to twenty-five percent chance,” She nodded and then turned around, flipping through some pamphlets that were in a clear case hanging from the wall, “Low, but possible. Here, I think this will help you when you think about conceiving—or not—in the future. But you can always talk to the doctor who diagnosed you, too. I’m sure they have all the information you’re looking for, too, and they’re probably much more kind than some pamphlet.” 

“Alright, thanks,” Even licked his lips and looked down at what she handed him. A little pamphlet with all the facts and statistics about mental disorders and genetics and offspring. It was probably more in Isak’s field, and no doubt would he end up looking through it. Even would probably rather talk to his doctor, but he had a feeling that might be a red flag for him. Another reason to try to get him off to therapy and on pills. “One more thing…” 

“Of course.” 

“Even though she’s going to be going through the process at home, should she have someone there with her?” Even didn’t exactly want to have to sit by Sonja’s side and deal with all of this. It wasn’t like he didn’t like her, she was nice to him and to Isak but they didn’t have much to talk about other than this and he couldn’t imagine sitting through it and talking about it and just being completely surrounded by it. 

“We always suggest that you have someone close with you,” The doctor said with a small smile, looking around the room at the three of them, “given your specific situation, I wouldn’t say that it’d have to be you guys. Maybe a friend or family member. There will be a lot of hormones and feelings swirling around inside of you, Sonja, and so it can be extremely overwhelming, painful to cope with on your own. Some people even feel guilt, despite their decision. So it’s always good to have the emotional support—or god forbid if something went wrong—so definitely, definitely find someone to be with you. To help you through this.” 

Even may not have had female hormones or the capacity to hold a baby or abort it, but he definitely knew a thing or two about swirling emotions. About being filled up with pain and misery despite doing the right thing or doing absolutely nothing. So, if she needed him, of course he would be there for her. It was the least he could do, right? 

“Okay, thank you, then,” Sonja said, a calm smile painting it’s way across her delicate features as she stood up and shook the doctor’s hand, “seriously, thank you so much. You’ve been incredible. So kind and understanding.” 

“I do this so I can help people like you, Sonja,” The doctor smiled and gave her a firm shake before reaching out and shaking the two boys hands as well, “For all of you really. It wouldn’t be fair for me to judge you or put any pressure on you to not make this decision on your own.” 

“We definitely appreciate it,” Isak spoke up. It wasn’t the first time he’d talked throughout the discussion. He was good at asking questions, getting the facts straight for them. He’d even been the one to ask if it was going to cost them any money. As if _he_ was going to be the one to dish it out if it did. Luckily, Sonja was covered and the whole thing was going to be a hundred percent free. 

“Of course, and you can call if you have any more questions before the next appointment, and I’ll try to answer everything as best I can. It’s always good to have all your questions out of the way before making your final decision on the matter, so seriously, if you think of _anything_ , I’ll be here,” She smiled and then opened up the door, ushering the three of them out of the room and towards reception, where Sonja would make the next appointment. 

“Alright, well, we’re going to walk to the bus stop, you can text me or call to let me know when the next appointment is, yeah?” Isak asked Sonja as the doctor walked away. 

“I can give you guys a ride, it’s kind of cold out there,” Sonja offered. 

“No, no, it’s fine,” Isak shook his head and looked up at Even, hoping he agreed, “I think we need a little fresh air, even if it is cold.” 

“Alright, yeah, I’ll let you know, then,” Sonja smiled small then looked up at Even for a moment. Their relationship as one of the things that felt really weird about the whole place. She barely looked at him, she talked more directly to Isak, and when she did look at him, she looked kind of scared. Like she was afraid of him. Of what he may do. Again, it could have been a bipolar thing or the fact that she was aborting his offspring without actually asking him. He didn’t think she needed to be scared of either, but he wasn’t sure how to say it. 

_Hey, I know we used to fuck and have literally nothing in common and I’m kind of going through something right now, not to mention you found out I was bipolar from my current boyfriend and now you’re terminating your pregnancy that would be my child but it’s cool, we’re all cool. I’m fine with it. All of it. And I’m not going to snap on you or anything, so if you could stop with all the awkward, that’d be appreciated._ For some reason, that kind of just seemed like it would open the gates of hell for conversation upon conversation that Even was pretty damn sure he wasn’t in the state of mind to have. 

“Cool, c’mon, Ev,” Isak wrapped his hand around Even’s waist and led him out of the clinic with him, a cool breeze smacking them in the face as soon as they were outside. Even was a fan of the cold, and not at the same time, but right now, it was probably the best thing for him. He wrapped his arm around Isak and held himself close to share all the body heat he could and let his mind wander off into any direction it chose. 

Though, Isak did he usual job at keeping his mind grounded enough, distracting him with meaningless talk about the weather and other pointless topics. Maybe Even didn't think he needed a protector or monitor, but if he was going to have one, he was happy to have Isak filling the position.  
*

**~Tuesday Morning~**

Isak fell asleep next to Even in his room around midnight. Around three in the morning, Isak felt the bed dip and heard Even go through the door to his own room, shutting it with basically no care in the world. As if he wanted Isak to hear. So he got up and moved over to the bed in Even’s room, laying down and watching him do his thing. Even complained a little about it, because he didn’t want to keep Isak up with his guitar and “whatnot.” 

After Isak told him countless times that he didn’t mind, Even went about his business. He went from his desk, to his closet, out of the room to the bathroom and kitchen, and back a few times. Isak stayed up through most of it. Drifting off into sleep during the times that he knew Even was safely in the room and getting up to listen for the front door when he left. Just in case. Each time he came back to the room, Isak was standing there in the doorway, Even greeting him with a kiss and telling him he needed to sleep. 

Isak pulled him to the bed every so often but Even either only stayed for a few minutes or had his hands all over Isak’s body, whispering sweet nothings into his ear. 

Suffice it to say that Isak didn’t get much sleep. But, if this was the worst of the peak of his mania, then Isak would take it. No reckless behavior, just a lot of movement, thought outbursts, and musical interludes. Easy. 

Around six in the morning, he gave up on anymore sleep and sat up in bed, tossing a pillow at Even. He had his back to him, his guitar in his lap and he was humming under his breath. Isak was focusing and listening, but after a while, there was a sense of frustration he picked up from Even’s voice and angry strumming. Even turned around and then set the guitar down, getting up and striding over to the bed in about a step and a half with those long legs. 

“I’m keeping you up, aren’t I?” Even pouted, climbing into bed and into Isak’s lap, straddling Isak’s thighs as he took his face in his hands. “You should have stayed in your bed. I came in here to let you sleep. Maybe you should go back. Get the last couple of hours that you can.” 

“Nei, I got enough sleep,” Isak smiled. It was a lie. Sure, he got more sleep than a usual case of insomnia would allow him, but he’d still be exhausted. Maybe he’d stay home with Even, catch some sleep while he went about his pacing and whatever else he felt like, go out with him if he wanted. Just keep an eye on him. “What’s the craziest thing you want to do right now? Or wild. I don’t mean crazy in like the bad way. Just wild.” 

“Uh,” Even raised an eyebrow and looked Isak in the eyes curiously. Isak was genuinely curious. Reckless behavior would be common, but where was Even actually at? He wasn’t sure if it’d actually gauge his mind frame, but it was worth a shot. “You mean like, sexually?”

“I mean in general,” Isak rolled his eyes and smiled a little, playfully batting at Even’s shoulder and looking him over. Well. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to go there with Even. The past couple days without actual sex was the longest they’d ever gone, and it wasn’t exactly a long time but it felt like it was and it was difficult. Isak didn’t want to be selfish and cave then send Even into some _actual_ risky behavior. Letting Even give him a blow job in the art room was probably even a mistake, and Isak was a little too afraid to push it any further than that. 

“Truthfully?”

“Truthfully. Lay it on me, baby.” 

“I think that the craziest thing I want to do right now is try to convince Sonja to keep the baby,” Even said, biting his lip and looking Isak in the eyes as he finished. His hands fidgeted at his sides and then they found their way to Isak’s waist. Isak could only blink, his wide, surprised eyes as he looked back at him. 

“Seriously?” Isak managed to choke out, wanting to return Even’s embrace with his own hands somewhere on the boys body, but he was shocked and unable to move. “But, why?” Obviously there was some level that Even knew that that wasn’t a good idea, or it wouldn’t be a _crazy thing_. 

“Well, if I think about it a lot,” Even tilted his head from side to side, weighing his information in his head, “it’s like. That child has a seventy-five to ninety percent chance that it won’t be messed up like me. And like, from here on out, that’s like, increasing the chances of all future offspring. Right? Because, say I had four kids, and you counted that as one? One of them would probably be all fucked up like me. And, so, if that one wasn’t...then, who knows.” 

“Even, you’re not fucked up,” Isak sighed and then put his hands on Even’s face and the side of his neck gently rubbing his thumbs against the skin where they landed. “Besides, that’s not how the statistics work, you know. Every time you come, you release like, millions of sperm that hold your genes and each and every one of them has that ten to twenty-five percent chance. There’s no certainty that one in four would be bipolar. It’s just odds. Do you get it?” 

“Fuck, I don’t know,” Even sighed and started to move to get up but Isak quickly moved his hands to his shoulders, pushing him back down with all the strength he could muster. He knew Even wanted to get up and move, didn’t want to make this actual contact with him. But, Isak was determined. He wasn’t just going to let Even say he was fucked up and then just let him go. 

“Even, I’m fucking serious, and whether you want to hear me or not, you’re seriously not fucked up,” Isak moved as quickly as he could to pin Even down on the bed. He definitely hadn’t seen it coming because it was much easier than Isak had imagined. “Any kid that gets your genes, whether or not they’re bipolar, are fucking lucky to have such good genetics. You’re perfect. Disorder and all.” 

“I wouldn’t want to bring someone into the world and make them go through what I go through,” Even shook his head and squirmed underneath him, using a good amount of strength, so Isak really had to work. “It might not be all bad, Isak, but it’s bad. My genes are fucked up and I’d hate to think I passed on hurt and sadness to someone else. And, what if my kid is bipolar and they don’t have an Isak, huh? What if they don’t have anyone to fall in love with them regardless of who they are?” 

“And here I thought I was the romantic skeptic,” Isak sighed a little and leaned down, nuzzling their noses then pressing his forehead against Even’s. “What happened to there being someone out there for everyone?” 

“I don’t know…” 

“Even, stop worrying about this, okay?” Isak gave him a few open-mouthed kisses, thinking that that was a better thing to focus on than what he was focusing on. Isak wasn’t sure if any of the conversation actually got through to him, but he’d be sure to have this conversation with him when he was better and of sound mind. 

“More kisses like that and you’ve got yourself a deal,” Even’s switch flipped fast, his hands moving to press against Isak’s ass as he surged up with his lips, kissing him with fervor. Isak found himself returning it, his hands moving to roam around Even’s torso while their lips began to overlap heatedly. He let himself lose focus for a moment or two before he was pulling back and looking Even in the eyes while the two of them breathed heavily. “Isak, please. You want this, too. I can tell. No holding back because you’re worried. Let me make love to you. If I’m going to go off the deep end, it’s going to happen anyway. I just _want you_.” 

“I don’t want to be selfish,” Isak said before leaning back in for another kiss because Even was right, he really did want it. He continued on, mumbling against his lips as he kissed and grinded against him gently, “N’risk your health or something because I want you…” 

“Mm, it’s okay,” Even said as Isak started kissing down his jaw, going against all of his senses. “I’ll be okay. Just give in.” 

“You stay home today,” Isak said before sinking his teeth into Even’s neck. 

“Don’t wanna,” Even tilted his head back, his hands slipping into the back of Isak’s boxers and giving his ass a firm squeeze. 

“Please, I’ll stay with you,” Isak was barely able to say as Even’s hands continued to rub around his ass, sending chills up his spine. 

“Nei, you’ve missed enough,” Even said and then quickly flipped them. “Let’s discuss this after.” 

 

 **~Tuesday Afternoon~**

In the end, Isak won and got Even to stay home from school, forcing him to make plans with Yousef and the boys. He knew that they would be able to keep him under control if he got out of hand and since they finished school the year before, they’d be available. Isak didn’t want him to just stay in the house alone, and it would probably be good bonding time, maybe they’d even do some filming like they used to. Who knew. But, Isak managed to get him to listen and not risk trying to spend another school day concentrating and over exerting himself. It just wasn’t worth it. He’d crash soon and Isak didn’t want him spending the days prior doing things he didn’t want to do. His teachers would understand, they probably already had their suspicions. Even’s parents sure did, and Isak had to spill it to them that morning. It was better to tell them before the crash, anyway. 

After school, Even and the boys were sitting at the table where the squad would usually meet to plan their weekend. At least they’d kept him safe all day and there he was, finally around Isak again. Isak was so happy to see him there, smiling and laughing with the boys, he couldn’t help but walk in front of Mahdi and Jonas, wrapping his arms around Even as soon as he got to him. 

“Babyyyy, I missed you,” He said happily, Even wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him in for a kiss. It wasn’t like he’d be around him all day if he’d been to school, but at least he would have been in the same building, at least he would have met him between some classes. At least he would have been able to sit with him at lunch. 

“Baby?” Mikael said to the side of them. “Last I knew it was ‘Daddy.’” 

“ _Daddy?_ ” Mahdi asked as he and Jonas came up to the rest of them, having fallen behind Isak and his quick strides to his man. Even and Isak pulled away from each other, each of them looking over the group for a second. “The fuck?” 

“Isak can call me whatever the hell he wants,” Even told the boys, moving a hand to grip the back of Isak’s neck, rubbing his thumb along the side of it. “Pet names are like, our thing at this point.” 

“Okay, but _Daddy_ is not a pet name, _Daddy_ is a straight up kink,” Jonas said, laughing where he stood next to Mahdi. Isak wondered if he would join Mikael’s side, if they would kiss or show any sort of affection while they were completely sober. They had definitely been seeing each other every now and again, hooking up at parties they both attended. So far, it was a no. “And I’m pretty sure Isak has Daddy issues. So, it sounds like things are getting kinky at casa Even and Isak.”

“I’m just going to go ahead and say that this is all TMI for me,” Adam said, putting his hands up as if in surrender as he looked around the group, landing on Even and Isak, “I mean, do what you want, please. Be happy and whatever but, fuck, I don’t want to know about any of my boys’ kinks. Especially if it’s them being a _Daddy_.”

“I’ll second that,” Mahdi said with a laugh. “I thought knowing about Magnus’ BDSM dreams was a lot. But this?” 

“Guuuyys, it’s not even like that shut up,” Isak groaned, shaking his head as he hid his face in Even’s chest. He was drunk when he’d said that in front of Mikael and really, he would have been fine telling his own friends, but now with _all_ of these boys in on it, he felt a little embarrassed. “I mean, Ev is totally Daddy material, don’t get me wrong, but it’s just not like that.”

“It _could be_ like that,” Even smiled and pulled Isak in, giving him a nice, lingering, open-mouthed kiss. He pulled away and smiled at him, focusing on him and only him, “But it’s not. How was your day, baby? I missed you, too.”

“Just another day at school,” Isak shrugged, deciding to only focus on Even, too. Letting the rest of them go about their own conversations or judge Even and Isak on their own while the two of them made their little bubble, “How about you, did you have fun with the boys?”

“I had a great time, it was great advice, babe,” Even gave him a few more kisses and then pressed his forehead to Isak’s. His smile widened and his eyes lit up even more than they already did in the sun. “I also have news.” 

“News?” 

“I got a phone call from one of the places you sent my application to,” Even told him, “Actually, it was KB, and they want me for an interview next week. Friday. And they’re an equal opportunity employer so they understand all the bipolar stuff.” 

“Ev! That’s great!” Isak kissed him to congratulate him, wrapping his arms around him tighter. “An interview, wow! That’s so exciting! Do you think that you’ll be okay by Friday for the interview though? If they understand the bipolar stuff then you might be able to push it another week. Maybe that’d be better?” 

“I’ll be fine, I’m kicking this episode in the fucking ass,” Even smiled and then put his hands on either side of Isak’s face. “I got this, babe! And you know what this means? It means we’re one step closer to being able to live on our own. Do whatever the fuck we want! We’re literally going to be on top of the damn world. Baby, it’s so exciting. I can literally taste the freedom. The sex, the late nights, the movie marathons, the parties of two.” 

“You’re getting way ahead of yourself but I’m loving what I’m hearing, so,” Isak laughed and stepped closer, pressing their chests together and smiling at him. He was surprised that it seemed everyone else had blocked them out, not groaning or telling them to have this conversation in private, but it was good. This was exciting. This was good. It was going to be a lot more than Even getting a job, and even then he was going to have to actually get through the interview to actually get the job. But, it was a step in the right direction if all of this was what Even really wanted. “I'm really happy you got a call, baby. I’ll help you prep for the interview. Practice questions and whatever else they tell us to do online. You got this.” 

“We’ve got to celebrate, so I’m inviting everyone out after this.”

 

**~Tuesday Evening~**

They had gone out to dinner with everyone. Literally everyone, much to the waiter’s dismay. Even had been the main event, the host, talking and dazzling everyone, making celebratory toasts to Love and to Life. There were sides of Elias hitting on both Noora and Eva, Mikael and Jonas being touchy under the table and then probably getting it on when they went to the bathroom together, and Yousef and Sana totally catching everyone’s attention in one of their non-debates. But, really, Even was the main course. When he wasn't on about Love and Life, he went on about movie ideas, about his and Isak’s comics, and captured everyone’s attention with ease over everything he said. His charisma always captivating, no matter his mental state.

At least he was happy and up. Isak knew what would follow, but it was such a treat seeing Even like this that it was hard to be upset about what it meant. He just seemed so happy, so energetic and fucking buzzing with life. The only thing that topped seeing Even like this was seeing him mid-orgasm. 

When they finally got home, Even tried to get Isak to take a shower with him. Isak declined and said he would just do his homework while he was washing up. They may have been able to sneak into the shower together with ease at this point, but it was still a risk, and he didn’t exactly trust himself to keep his cool with Even in the shower. He had already broken their no-sex streak that morning and even though it didn’t turn out terrible to his knowledge, Isak had bruises. On his hips and his shoulders. From Even’s grip. From his force. And he just didn’t think he’d be able to make it again that day, not to mention that it still posed a risk to Even's mental health. It couldn't happen. No matter how good it had been. No matter how hot. No matter how much the thought of it made him want Even.

So, he went to Even’s room to do his homework, sitting at Even’s desk an digging through his bookbag in his lap. When he set his laptop down on top of the desk, he noticed a piece of paper left out in the open. Written in Even’s handwriting—sloppier than usual, but still his. It was hard to look away, to not invade his privacy and read it because at the top in big, capital, traced-over-about-a-thousand-times-to-make-bold letters was: _**THINGS TO TELL ISAK**_. Maybe he should have been able to, but he couldn’t help himself as he slid the paper out from under where his laptop now sat and leaned back in the chair, looking it over. 

_**THINGS TO TELL ISAK:**_

_—When he’s not there, I feel like a piece of myself is missing. Every day when I leave him for class, every night when he's not walking through my dreams, there's a piece of me that's gone._

_—I always say I don’t need a monitor. But I need him and everything he does for me. Even if I don’t deserve it._

_—He is so strong. So completely strong. He’s dealt with a shitty family life and struggled with his sexuality and went through all the Emma fucking BULLSHIT and he’s still here, still being strong every single goddamn day and it’s just so damn amazing that I’m stunned whenever I think about it._

_—It gives me hope for myself that he’s able to go through all of that and still be so upbeat about life._

_—I probably kiss that rock he gave me a hundred times an hour when he's not around. It’s probably the sweetest thing ever. Who cares if it’s just a rock, it’s basically fucking magic at this point. It helps me more than he probably predicted it would._

_—Sometimes, I get scared. Scared about how much I love him. And that’s because it gives him all this power to break me if he leaves. Maybe he feels the same, but it’s terrifying. But also thrilling. Is that what true love is? Terrifying because you’re giving your whole self away and yet thrilling because this person who you love more than life itself is showing you the attention you need? I need him._

_—I fucking NEED him. (but don’t make it seem like I’m trapping him, he can leave if he wants, if he needs)_

_—He is literally so fucking hot, I’m not sure how I’m ever around him without jumping him. And, it’s hard. It really is._

_—He was a virgin before me but it’s not like you could tell. Maybe that’s what it’s like fucking your one true love, but FUCK he is so good in bed. He does me in. More than Mikael. More than Sonja. More than any blow job I’ve ever gotten from anyone, literally ever. (maybe don’t tell him this, I don’t want him getting all cocky on me)._

_—He is literally my one true love. The first and last that I’m ever going to get. And that’s terrifying, too because he’s younger. Maybe there’s someone else less fucked up for him. But I don’t want there to be. He is mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine._

_—to be updated, but he’s waking up_. 

Isak looked it over probably about a thousand times while he waited for Even to return. Tears coming to his eyes and him pushing them back multiple times. Even cared so much and it felt like Isak’s heart was being torn out of his chest. In a good way and in a bad way. Good because he felt so similarly on all of these and it was just nice that even Even in his manic state had a fiber of these feelings in him. Bad because there was so much doubt, written right there, and in between the lines that Isak couldn’t help but see. He didn’t want Even feeling scared about his feelings. He didn’t want him thinking that he was going to leave him or find some other love. 

Trapped? Never. These words made his heart stutter, flutter, flip. They were the words that Isak needed to hear, the good and the bad. And somehow, Even knew that. Even mid-episode. And Isak? He fucking needed Even, too. Needed him so goddamn much. 

Isak didn’t get any homework done before Even got back into the room. He just kept reading Even’s writing over and over. Letting tears slip from his eyes as he tried to find things to say in response. Things to reassure Even with, things to make him know that he felt the same. He even debated making a list of his own.

“Baby, you missed a great shower,” Even said as he walked into the room, closing the door behind him. “I couldn’t stop thinking about us and an apartment together and fuck, I’m so hard.” 

“Of course you are,” Isak said with a little sniffle, wiping underneath his eyes before turning around and looking over at Even. He was smiling because Even was good at that, he made him smile all the time. But, he knew there would be remnants of his tears, of what he’d been going through here with Even's list. With Even's feelings at his fingertips.

“Is something wrong?” 

Isak shook his head and picked up the paper, standing up and walking over to Even. He held the paper out for him to take and then dropped to his knees, unwrapping the towel from Even’s waist and kissing around his hips and the tops of his thighs before he took him in his mouth. He took him in completely, slowly letting his cock slip into the back of his throat and holding back a gag as he he slowly pulled out and did it again before starting to bob his head, continuously taking him as deep as he could. 

“I-Isaaak,” Even groaned a little, dropping the paper and letting his hands rest on top of the snapback on Isak’s head. “You..fuck...you weren’t supposed to see that. Oh god that feels good,” he let out a little moan and let his body fall back against the door, “but, baby, m’sorry.. I...I, uh, fuck. I would have found a better way to say it...I made the list for when...ohh, fuck, how do you even do that??”

“Practice,” Isak said as he pulled back again, wiping his lips and getting up. It was only the beginning. Episode or not, Isak wasn’t going to be holding back. He wanted to have Even completely. He wanted to make love to him until both of them were unable to do anything but lay still in each other’s arms for hours on hours. It may have not been staying actual option, but he wanted to fuck his fears away wanting to do that was enough to make him okay with the risk. “Go lay down.” 

Even quickly nodded and walked over to the bed, plopping down on his back with his boner pointing up to the sky. Isak took in the sight for just a moment before quickly turning on some music and grabbing their supplies. He tossed the lube and condom over to the bed and gave Even a little wink, half hoping he’d start opening himself up for Isak while he pushed the dresser in front of the door. Isak just wanted to see it. Wanted to see Even pleasuring himself with his fingers while Isak was fully aware, fully capacitated to take in every single damn detail. 

He didn’t, but Isak would get him to, someday. 

When he walked over to the bed, he quickly took off all of his clothes, letting Even watch from where he laid. Maybe even making the slightest show of it for him, tossing him his snapback and slowly taking off his shirt in a bit of a strip tease. He thought Isak was so beautiful? Well Isak was going to bare that beauty to him. Anything for Even and that amazing list.

“Fuck, Isak, are those from me?” Even asked, his smile faltering as Isak tossed his shirt. He quickly sat up and grabbed at Isak’s sides to pull him close, his hands ran around the bruises at Isak’s hips and his lips kissed around the ones at his shoulders. “Oh fuck, baby, I’m so sorry, I didn't mean to...” 

“S’okay, I like them,” Isak swallowed a little then pushed Even back to the bed. He really kind of did like the bruises. The proof that Even had been there, Even had been touching him, holding him like he was afraid he’d disappear beneath him. But, he’d be lying if he didn’t admit that they were accompanied by some pain. Isak had walked around with a sore ass multiple times at this point, but today had been an uphill battle. “I’m going to top, though.” 

“Still, sorry baby, let me kiss them better,” Even sighed and reached up for Isak’s body again, pulling it on top of his own and running light hands over his shoulders and then over his hips. He moved his hands and sat up more, starting to kiss away at the bruises, trying to flip them so he could pay the utmost attention to them. But, Isak decided not to let him, it was his turn to be in charge.

“Mm, baby, no,” Isak shook his head and put his hands on Even’s shoulders, squeezing tight and digging his nails in. “I’m fine. Now, I know maybe it’s going to be hard to let me be in charge but try, okay? I’m going to make you feel amazing.” 

“Okay,” Even said with a smile and a headnod, his eyes wild with excitement. Isak kissed down his body, slowly and grabbed the lube, putting some on his hand as he made his way back down to his cock. Getting there, he slowly took him in his mouth again, bobbing his head slowly. He then moved between Even’s legs and let two of his lubed fingers prod at his hole. Everything slow even though Even was writhing for more, buzzing with energy. Isak slowly pressed his middle finger in as he continued bobbing his head, hearing Even moan while his body arched underneath him. 

Even was more vocal when he was manic. Isak learned that earlier. It wasn’t just moans, it was dirty talk and a lot of it. It was different than what Isak had grown used to with him, but it was a good different. Sexy. Music to his ears. He felt kind of bad for liking it so much, since it was a manic thing, but fuck, he couldn't help himself. 

“Oh, god, more baby please,” Even groaned, reaching down to run his hands through Isak’s hair while his hips pushed up further, almost gagging Isak with his dick. Isak nodded in response and pulled off his cock with a nice, wet pop before kissing down to his hole, adding another finger as he pressed his tongue inside with it. It was heavy with lust. All of it. Isak couldn’t help but moan against him, moving his fingers faster as he swirled and flicked his tongue as much as the tightness would let him. He continued this for a good few minutes, drowning out all sound besides Even's moans before pulling away and sitting up on his knees where he took a deep breath and stared at the boy squirming with pleasure beneath him. 

He worked Even open as quickly as he could, his own dick throbbing with need for him as Even’s moans and words started getting dirtier and dirtier. Once he was three fingers deep, twisting and pressing inside him with ease, he stopped his movements and leaned down, speaking low in Even's ear.

“Baby, I was going to make love to you but now I think I'm going to fuck the shit out of you… Maybe I can do both,” he growled a little and then sunk his teeth into his neck for a moment before he mumbled against his skin. “Do you want that, baby?”

“I really fucking do,” Even told him, fucking his hips down into Isak’s still fingers and letting out a few whimpered moans. Isak's dick jumped against Even's thigh and he knew he wasn't going to be able to wait anymore. So, he gently removed his fingers, listening to Even whimper some more at the loss right near his ear before he pulled back to put the condom on. “I can't wait to go bareback with you, Is. Let's just do it right now. You'll love it.” 

“That's risky behavior, Even,” Isak shook his head as he rolled there condom on, biting his lip at the little pleasure while he rubbed some more lube over it. “We'll get tested soon. Or we should. But I really don't want to ruin the mood by talking about possible STDs.” 

“You're right, fuck me baby, fuck me now,” Even reached up and took Isak's hips, pulling him back close while he lifted his hips. He was definitely having a hard time with Isak taking charge and moving at his own pace, but honestly? Isak was so turned on by it. Whether it was the mania or who Even was, it was kind of hard to not want to be controlled by him. “Don't hold back. No more being slow.”

“I'll go at my own pace, thank you,” Isak told him with a devious smirk of his own while he lined himself up. Even pushed his hips against Isak and Isak took his hips as his tip slid in. He let out a little moan of his own and then slammed himself inside, sending shocks through both of their systems. Even mewled and Isak bit his lip, hard, holding back the urge to call out. God, if they were both being loud, they were probably going to scar every family member in the house. They needed their own place. 

He let the shock settle between them before he started moving his hips at a pace that was anything but slow. He listened as Even called out some more and let the fervor glide between them while the good feelings filled the two of them up completely. He leaned down and kissed and sucked around Even’s ribs, hitching his leg up and angling himself for a deeper thrust. He didn’t slow or stop or ease up, his hips thrusting rapidly and slamming against his flesh. Every thrust surrounded him with the familiar pleasure, with complete and utter bliss and happiness. Surrounded him with Even.

He couldn’t help but feel a little cocky from the words Even wrote paired with the sounds Even was making. He was probably addicted to making Even feel good. More addicted to making Even feel good than he was addicted to feeling good because of Even. He’d definitely rather Even’s mind go blank from everything but the bliss Isak was feeling at that moment. He sincerely hoped Even was feeling it too as he let his hands find Even’s face and lifted his head up to meet his lips, hoping that the bliss would transfer through Isak’s prodding tongue into Even’s mouth if he wasn’t feeling it. He was squirming, they were both shaking with pleasure. But he hoped that it was all Even was feeling. Even. Even. Even. Even deserved everything. Even deserved to feel only good things.

Their bodies glided up against each other as they continued moving their hips, lips moving together and pressing as hard against each other’s mouths as they were in their nethers. Isak supposed that this part felt more like the love-making portion of the event. Everything still felt so good, everything still felt so goddamn right. All of their sweaty skin that touched, tingled, making Isak feel like he was high with it. He almost wanted to do what Even did to him, bring him to the edge, then back down again just to bring him back up all over again to feel like this forever. In this way forever. Love and lust swelling together with every touch and hip movement.

Even grumbled against Isak’s lips and then the next thing he knew, he was flipping them over, pulling back and raising his eyebrows up at him in his devious way. Isak opened his mouth to protest, but Even reached down and and shh’d him. 

“Shh, baby, you’re going to love this,” Even said before he pushed up off the bed and sat up on Isak’s dick as he straddled him. He was smirking, his eyes still wild and his eyebrows raised in that devious way as he started rocking himself on him. He tossed his head back and let out a loud groan, his ass taking Isak deeper and keeping them both completely blissed out of their mind. “Fuck, Isak, yes! You feel so good baby, you feel so fucking good.” 

It barely registered in Isak’s mind, but Even was yelling. And Isak? He was trying so hard to hold back his own moans to not add to the noise but with Even’s body moving like that on top of him, he was starting to lose it. He knew that their parents knew they were sexually active, but to have to hear it, too? The only thing he could think to do was grab Even’s hand and press it over his own mouth and moan against it as Even continued riding him. He only let Even continue to be loud for a few more moments, savoring the noises he was making before surging up and pressing his own hands over Even’s mouth. 

They moved together like this, pressing their hands hard over each other’s mouths to muffle their moans. They rocked together, their free hands gripping and clawing at the other’s bodies as they finished off this way. Their entire bodies thrashing together with their orgasms, skin on their hands vibrating from the noise, and bathing their torsos in the come Even spilled. 

*  
After sex and about fifteen minutes of cuddling, Even was sick of laying down. He got up and Isak started doing some homework while Even worked on the song he had been writing, both still completely nude. But, it wasn’t long before Even was craving to do something else, something more. They weren’t far from curfew, but he wanted to go out. It was dark and cold but he wanted to go to the pier. He wanted to look at the stars. To embrace the cold and let it cleanse him. He needed to do _something_.

“Want to come with me?” Even asked as he got up on the desk where Isak was doing his homework and opened the window. “I’m going to go find some adventure.” 

“Even, I’m not sure that’s a good idea…” 

“Isak, it’s a great idea, and I’m going with or without you, So, are you in or not?” Even moved to sit at the edge of the window, his legs dangling out into the night as he looked down at the ground. It wasn’t that far of a jump. It wasn’t necessarily safe, but it also wasn’t _dangerous_. If you knew what you were doing, you’d land fine and everything would be okay. He wasn’t worried about him or Isak having an issue with the landing. It’s not like they hadn’t done it before. 

“Yeah, okay, fine, I’m coming with. But we have to get dressed first,” Isak said, pulling on his hand and bringing him back into the room. He had almost forgot he was naked. He was just so focused on going out and doing something. It was the same thing that had happened the night with Sonja. Luckily, this time he had Isak to help him out to stop him and make him take a step back. Reminding him where he was, and what he needed to do to go where he was headed. 

After they were dressed and properly bundled, they jumped out of the window together, walking down the street and into the night. Towards the pier. They held hands and talked, sitting on the edge of the pier when they got there. They looked up at the stars and Even told Isak the stories he knew about the constellations. 

Even thought maybe he’d go for a swim. Maybe he’d get Isak to come with him, get more underwater kisses in. See how far out he could get him to swim. See how far out he himself dared to swim before the water tried to take him. See how well he he faired in a fight with it.

 

**~Wednesday Morning~**

Even and Isak had fought about the swim. And Even truly thought he was going to win the fight right up until Isak pulled out his phone and called Martin to come pick them up. Isak had put him on speaker, set the phone down then wrestled Even to the ground. Somehow, he had been able to pin him. Even could tell it was with more strength than usual, and in that moment, Even was pissed and yelling out obscenities at him, telling him he’d never forgive him for it. 

But, when he woke up the next morning from Isak’s alarm going off, he felt fucking awful. 

Felt awful for the things he’d said to Isak. Felt awful for yelling at his parents in the car. And just plain felt fucking awful. His entire body felt like it was water-logged with a black mass that was heavier than gravity. He could hardly lift his head and if he could move his lips, they’d say everything no one wanted to hear. The things that scared everyone around him. Things that even scared himself but were safe if they stayed in his head.

He knew Isak was beside him in the bed, could feel his arm draped over him. Even remembered telling him to go. He remembered Isak leaving. He didn’t remember him coming back. His dad must have slipped him a sleeping pill. He must have been really out. 

“Even, are you awake?” Isak asked after turning the alarm off. Even felt Isak’s fingers through his hair, felt as he moved closer, pressing his chest up against Even’s back. “Even, baby, I’m sorry for last night. Maybe I should have kept you in the house. I’m sorry I called your Dad and I’m sorry I held you down. I was just afraid because that water is cold and I didn’t know how I was going to get you out if you got in and you were going to need to get out before you got sick or froze or something. I was scared. I’ll...I’ll deal with it better in the future, that is, if you weren’t serious when you broke up with me. But...I, uh, I understand if you were. I should have done better. I should have been better for you.”

“Isak,” His voice came out low and grumbled, his throat burning with the word as he forced it out. He wanted to go back to sleep. But, Isak’s words were tearing him apart, his heart literally feeling like it had been ripped out of his chest. He knew what happened the night before. He remembered most of it in a blur. But, he hadn’t remembered breaking up with Isak. It made him feel like making himself hurt even more. His thoughts swirled around, violent and painful. He sort of wanted to throw himself off a building. Or a bridge. “No.” 

“No, okay,” Isak said carefully, moving his hand to press up against Even’s chest before moving to kiss the side of his face a few times. The touches had a comforting sting, as if they were holding Even in place. Holding him together so he didn’t fall apart. So he didn’t do all of the things his head was tempting him to do. “Do you need something, then? I want to help.”

“Need sleep, need you to stay, need you to go,” Even managed to push the words out, managed to turn around in Isak’s arms while the black mass in his body sloshed and stung his insides with the movement. He wanted and needed Isak’s grasp on him to keep him there, keep him grounded and remind him of the world outside his thoughts. He needed sleep, it was the only thing that was really going to make all of the thoughts stop. He needed Isak to go because he didn’t want to be holding him back. Isak needed to go to school and Even already put so much stress on him. Already hurt him with words, by kicking him out of his room, by _breaking up with him_. Isak leaving might make him feel better, because he’d know he was out there not being weighed down by the black mass Even was becoming. 

The only problem was that Isak couldn’t both stay and go. And he needed both so much.

“What if I stay and let you sleep?” Isak asked, running his fingers through Even’s hair some more, leaving more of that comforting sting. “Then I’ll be here but it’ll be like I’m gone because you’ll be asleep and not have to deal with my stupid face and annoying voice.”

“That’s not why,” Even sighed and then moved so that he didn’t have to look Isak in the eyes anymore. They were too caring, too worried and it was more painful. He curled up in his arms so that Isak could continue holding him, stinging him, but not look at him. He could deal with the sting, but not with the pain from his loving eyes. The loving eyes he didn’t deserve. “You need to go to school. No more missing it for me, no more me weighing you down.” 

“Baby, you don’t weigh me down,” Isak sighed, his lips giving a more potent and warm sting to the top of his head. “But, I guess you’re right, I do need to go to school. I’d rather stay with you, though.”

“Mm,” Even just mumbled, letting Isak’s smell burn his nostrils and soothe him. He didn't know why everything with Isak was a double-edged sword when he was like this, but he'd take the pain for the good parts. Truthfully, if Isak left him alone, he wasn’t sure he would trust himself at all. His thoughts were too violent, too painful to listen to on his own all day long. Maybe he could sleep all day long and then he wouldn’t become the danger he was feeling himself becoming. But if he couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t trust himself. He had to tell Isak. “I...can’t be alone.”

“You’re more important than school, Ev,” Isak kissed the top of his head a couple more times, his voice low yet drumming on his ears with every new world. His lips so soft as they delivered the warmest, most painful stings. “I can stay here with you, forever.” 

“You gotta go.”  
*

**~Wednesday Lunch~**

“Seriously man, why did you even come to school?” Magnus asked, shaking his head from across the table. Isak looked up from his phone for a moment, setting it on the table in front of him. “Seriously, you’ve been on your phone all day. Every time I’ve seen you, anyway.” 

“Were you on Spotify?” Jonas asked, reaching over and taking the phone from in front of him. “You’re stalking what Even’s listening to? Jeeez I thought that, at least you were texting him.” 

“I’ve texted him and his mom a couple of times,” Isak sighed and snatched his phone back, locking it and holding it to his chest. He had argued a little with Even that morning about whether or not he would actually leave his side. He only finally sided with Even because he was getting close to missing too much school and Even was going to spend most of the day sleeping, anyway. He told Josefine and she said she’d stay home with him for the day, which he hoped was good enough for Even’s plea to not be alone. “But, he’s listening to all these English and American bands. Whiney alternative music. The only band I actually know is twenty one pilots and they’ve got some depressing shit and that's the shit he's listening to. He shouldn’t be drowning himself in upsetting things, right?” 

“Maybe it’s cathartic,” Magnus offered with a little shrug. “Isak, it’s not like this is new to you. You’ve handled him during episodes before. It’s not suddenly going to be different this time because he’s your boyfriend.” 

“I mean, yeah, I know that,” Isak sighed and then checked his phone once more. No new texts from Even, none from Josefine. Maybe Even had fallen asleep while listening to his depressing music and Josefine was busy with her working from home. “I kind of feel responsible, though. Last night was, well, it was fucked.”

“He’s bipolar, man, you’re not responsible,” Magnus told him, reaching across the table and taking his phone from him. “I should confiscate this.”

“Magnus, seriously, give it back,” Isak whined, reaching across the table and trying to grab it back. He definitely needed his phone and he definitely didn’t need Magnus going through it and seeing some of his and Even’s racier texts and photos. He’d never hear the end of that. “What if there’s an emergency and he needs me? I need my phone.”

“Why do you feel responsible anyway? Did you fuck up?” Jonas asked before snatching Isak’s phone from Magnus and handing it back to him. “I thought you guys were in some kind of like, kinky heaven. Did you overstep? Not listen to the safeword?”

“Thank you and shut up,” Isak groaned and pushed Jonas in his seat. He probably wasn’t going to live down the kinky jokes for a long while. Maybe he could own it, eventually, but he didn’t want to without Even there with him, being all sex positive and nonchalant about everything the way he was. He couldn’t own it when all he was thinking about was Even being all depressed at home in his bed. Not after he pushed Even over the edge. 

“Fine, but seriously,” Jonas looked at him, his eyes serious and caring. 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Isak groaned a little and slouched in his seat, batting his empty water bottle on the table and looking at it. 

“Well, that means you have to, Isak,” Mahdi said knowingly, hitting Magnus on the chest with the back of his hand and looking at him, “Right, Mags? Seriously, Isak, whenever you say that, you’re just all up in your head, beating yourself up over bullshit. Since Even isn’t here to coax it out of you, we will. So, either prepare to be annoyed to shit or just tell us why you feel responsible.” 

“Seriously, I’ve got at least...twenty chips left in this bag, and I will throw each and every one at you, one by one until you say something,” Magnus said where he sat, looking in the chip bag and then taking one more out and eating it, “Nineteen. And, if you try to run away, I’m just going to make Jonas hold you down. Then, if that doesn’t work, I’ll poke that one ticklish spot on your side like, a million and two times until you piss yourself. Right here.” 

“Oh, this sounds fun, Isak, you should totally keep it in, I want to watch that shit,” Jonas said with a laugh, looking over at him and raising his eyebrows humorously. 

“Guys, fuck off,” Isak groaned, starting to get up from his seat when Jonas grabbed his arm and pulled him back down. Magnus tossed one of his chips at Isak, hitting him square in the face and looking at him knowingly while Mahdi crossed his arms over his chest. “Seriously? Are we really doing this?” Magnus threw another chip and Mahdi just nodded to the side of him, Jonas’ hand tight around his arm. “Fuck, fine I’ll tell you. But no getting weird about it.” 

“I like that disclosure, go on,” Magnus said, the leader of this movement, because he was the only other Bipolar expert at the table, acting like a literal therapist. “So you feel responsible for Even being all down? Tell us why, Isak.”

“Jesus, well, it’s like,” Isak sighed and rubbed his face, trying to think it over a little. The night before was difficult, emotional as fuck. They had fucked like it was the last time and then it was like it was actually the last time when Even told him they were over. His heart broke and broke even more when he kicked him out of the room. He'd cried and hoped and prayed it was all a part of the episode and then crawled back into bed with him when he was fast asleep. There was no way he wasn’t about to start rambling, “I mean, so Even took a shower and I found this checklist kind of thing on his desk. It was literally just so sweet and I got emotional, and when he came back, we...you know, had sex even though I knew it might have been a bad idea. And that basically pushed him over the edge and he said he wanted to _adventure_ and I knew that that was a bad sign. That he wanted to be reckless, but I went out with him anyway. Then I had to literally fucking hold him down so he wouldn’t go swimming in freezing water and get sick and he yelled so much and broke up with me, even and I know that he didn’t mean it, I’ve seen him say those kinds of things to his parents, or even Elias or Adam or Mutta when he was manic. But never to me. So, it’s just, it feels like I messed up and he knew it and I knew it and now he’s just down and he doesn’t want me there and I don’t know. I fucked up.”

“Faaeeen, Isak,” Magnus shook his head and put a hand on his face before running it through his hair to push back his fringe. He shook his head a couple times and swore under his breath some more. “You didn’t _fuck up_ I mean, fy faen! He was going to crash eventually, and someone was going to take the brunt of the peak of his episode. It could have been him. You taking it? Isak, it’s basically like you’re a hero. Seriously, you’re overreacting. Simple. Now stop hating on yourself.” 

“I just wanted to make things go over smoothly this time, I wanted it to be different _because_ he’s my boyfriend and I wanted to show him that I care.” 

“Isak, that’s not how it works,” Magnus sighed and then slid his chips across the table to Isak, offering him the rest, “Just because you’re in love, doesn’t mean things change with the bipolar issue. It’s always going to be a thing. Sometimes it’ll be smooth, sometimes it’ll be a disaster. But, I’m telling you, he knows you care. He’s not listening to sad music because he thinks you’ve failed him.” 

“Ugh, yeah, okay,” Isak sighed, slumping into his seat some more. He supposed Magnus was right, and he hated telling him that. He still felt awful, though, just wanting to be with Even, helping him through his Down Days. “I just wish I was with him.” 

“Well, let’s not focus on that,” Magnus said, taking a sip of his pop and then flicking his eyebrows up and down a couple times at Isak. Suggestive, warning him what he might say next. “Let’s focus on the fact that you guys were fucking while he was manic. Fuck, dude, forget about kinky, that must have been rough. Was Even like an energizer bunny or what?”

 

**~Wednesday Afternoon~**

When Isak got home, he found Josefine first. She would tell him how Even’s day went and if he had eaten or drank or if something went completely awry. She was at the table with her laptop open, typing away and well into her work. She didn’t look overly stressed, so Isak took that as a good sign. 

“Hey Josefine,” Isak said quietly, waving his hand a little as she looked up from the screen for a moment. “How was Even today?”

“He’s been alright, I suppose,” She shrugged, finished off some typing and then closed her laptop halfway to look at Isak again. “When I talked to him, he asked about you. But I took away his phone because he was listening to this awful music. First through his speakers and I asked him to turn it off but then he was listening with his headphones. So, I took it while he was sleeping. So, that’s probably why you haven’t heard from him.” 

“Oh, where is it?” Isak looked around for a moment. If Even had woken up without it, he was probably pissed. How long had it been since she checked on him? Isak’s skin was itching to check up on him, to hold him and let him know that he was there to help him through all of this. Just like always. 

“Here,” She said, pulling it out of her pocket and sliding it across the table to Isak. The ear buds were still attached and Isak was almost certain that he could hear the music distantly through them. “But, Isak. You can’t...We can’t have him going out like that when he’s manic. He needs to stay where he’s safe. I’m glad you called Martin and that you got it under control but we shouldn’t be having close calls like that. We need to stop taking risks when it comes to him. I know you care about his safety and mental state, too, so maybe you can help convince him to at least see a therapist. I’m not even going to ask for him to take the medication. Just a therapist.” 

“I’m not going to be able to make him do anything he doesn’t want to,” Isak shrugged. He really didn’t think a therapist was a bad idea for Even but it was difficult to tell him that, and a little hypocritical, since he himself didn’t want to see any therapists either when he was told to. “But, if you want me to, I can try. When he’s better. No promises. And next time, I’ll figure out a way to keep him in the house.” 

“Thank you, sweetie,” Josefine smiled and opened the laptop back up all the way. “Can you bring him a peach and some water? See if he’ll eat or drink.” 

“Yeah, of course,” Isak told her then walked over to the counter, grabbing a couple peaches out of the fruit bowl. One for himself, though Even probably wasn’t going to eat his and he could probably just have that one. But, just in case there was some sort of miracle, he would save it for him. Then he poured Even a glass of water and added some cucumber and lemon to it to spice it up a little before heading into his room. 

When he walked into Even’s room, he had a small heart attack because Even’s bed was empty. His brain quickly whirled with where Even possibly could have gone, what he could possibly be doing on his own while he was feeling so down. But, as his eyes scanned the room, he noticed that the door between their rooms was open, just a little, but enough to see Even’s foot dangling off the edge of Isak’s bed. He let out a breath of relief and quickly strided over to the door, walking up to the bed and setting down the cup of water and the peaches before sliding his bag off his shoulder and climbing into bed with him. 

“Ev, why are you in here?” He asked quietly, he was pretty sure he wasn’t awake but the question was more for himself as he wrapped his arm around Even’s torso and pressed himself up against his back. He needed to talk to him because he missed doing so all day long. He would just talk to him while he slept.

“Smells like you,” Even mumbled with his face in the pillow. He stayed with his back to Isak but lifted his hand to the hand Isak had on his stomach. He quickly and ever-so lightly squeezed his hand but then let it drop as if that was all the energy he had possessed. Isak took it upon himself to take Even’s hand back in his own and hold onto it tightly. “Don’t leave me again.” 

“I won’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if you're not big on the Daddy kink, it's not quite my cup of tea either but it fits here and I just like Even's sex-positive attitude and think it fits with it and it's not like, exactly their thing but right now it kind of is in a way a little and sorry not sorry. 
> 
> If I had expanded on the peak of Even's episode I probably would have done more injustice to the disorder and I didn't want to do that. I hope that you're not upset with my decision to graze over that part of Evak's evening although it was an important one. I think I may, in the next chapter if I have room, come back to it during all of the fallout, but no promises.


	16. Believe Me When I Tell You, Babe, You'll Never Be Lonely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since my week was crap, this chapter might also be crap and I'm sorry but I hope you enjoy anyway. 
> 
> Warning: suicidal thoughts and no sex so, sad faces all around.

**~Thursday Morning~**

“Your alarm never went off,” Even said to the side of him that morning, his breath in his ear, his voice low and monotonous as it grumbled out of the back of his throat. It woke Isak up right away, mostly because Even so rarely spoke on his Down Days that it was shocking just to hear his voice when he was like this. His eyes fluttered open and he turned around, looking Even in the eyes before the boy spoke up again.“You’re late for school.”

“M’not going to school,” Isak grumbled back. He turned off his alarm the night before, having decided as soon as Even told him not to leave that he wasn’t going to leave Even’s side for the rest of his Down Days. Hearing him tell him not to leave again broke his heart, made him upset with himself for ever leaving in the first place. Even if it had been originally Even’s idea for Isak to go, Isak should have known that he needed to stay, that Even needed him there. “I’m staying here with you, baby.”

“Isak, you have to go to school,” Even’s voice was still low, his eyes pained as his gaze pierced into Isak’s own. “I’ll survive.” 

“Nei, I’m not leaving you,” Isak shook his head and moved closer, tangling his legs up in Even’s. “Don’t worry about me going to school. I have good grades, I can afford to miss it. It’s fine. Besides, I’ll have my friends send me the notes and the homework and it’ll basically be like I’ve missed nothing at all. So, no telling me to leave today. My mind is made up. There’s no changing it. I’m here with you. I’m here because I want to be and because I hope you still want me to be.” 

“You don’t have to guilt me into telling you I want you here,” Even huffed and then turned over so his back was to Isak, which Isak would have been hurt about if he didn’t scoot back and press his back up against Isak’s chest. Isak promptly wrapped his arms around him tight, efficiently spooning him while they lay like that. “You know I want you here. S’just, school is important. And they have their stupid attendance policy and I don’t want to be the reason—”

“Don’t even worry about it, okay?” Isak cut him off, Even’s words were faint, pained, trailing off and growing more and more weak with every syllable. He needed to rest, not to argue with Isak about this, not to worry about Isak and his attendance. “I’ll be fine. If something bad happens, I’ll have your parents write me a note and then they can’t say shit. Don’t worry. Besides, I’ll be doing more than just laying around with you.” 

“Like what?”

“I’ll go over the notes once I get everyone to send them to me, maybe I’ll do some homework, I’ll probably shower at some point,” Isak bit his lip and thought a little bit more. He needed more things to tell Even that he’d be distracted. He knew Even hated him sitting around and just sulking with him. He knew that it made Even feel worse for some reason, so he was going to make sure Even didn’t feel worse. He would do things every now and again, maybe even lie about having done things while he was asleep. Then he wouldn’t feel bad and they didn’t have to fight about this. “I’m thinking about inviting Eskild over later? I haven’t hung out with him in what feels like forever. Trust me, Ev, you’re not going to be weighing me down. I’ll be doing my own thing, too.”

“Fine,” Even mumbled a little then nuzzled his head underneath Isak’s chin. Isak was just glad he was letting him hold him, letting him be there with him. If he really wanted him gone, Isak would leave, he wouldn’t want to overstep. Especially after Even had broken up with him. After Isak had to force him down onto the ground, which had felt like an overstep in itself.

When Even was back to full capacity, there was going to be a lot they had to talk about. Isak’s heart clenched just at the thought of it. He didn’t want to be worried about whether or not Even was going to want to be rid of him when he was back in his right mind. He knew that Even got a little over dramatic at the peak of his episodes, did and said things that he didn’t mean. But sometimes, Even did things at that time that were exactly what he wanted but didn’t have the usual courage to say. Isak liked to think that all the affection Even was giving him while he was down was a good sign. When they were just friends, he always asked Isak to leave, wouldn’t let him cuddle him, wouldn’t want to be around him—wouldn’t want to be around anyone, and at that point, Isak counted as ‘anyone’—at all. But, it wasn’t like any of this was a hundred percent confirmation that everything was okay with the two of them. Isak just had to hope that it was. 

It wasn’t like things could change that quickly, could they? Just because the peak of the episode was bad? Even had just wrote that list for him, had just shared with him his worries about his genetics. Had just told Isak that someday he wanted kids with him. Isak didn’t want to believe that suddenly all of that was gone. He wanted to believe that their love was going to be stronger than all of this. It had to be. 

They had their comics that they were nowhere near close to finishing, and Isak would probably spend most of the day thinking of new stories, new ideas just to make himself feel better about how fair they’d come, what they had. Even had all those pictures and videos he’d been taking of Isak lately. They had their racy text messages and a whole fucking three hundred and fifty count box of condoms that Even had ordered off Amazon. 

There was no way that it could be the end. 

So, Isak hadn’t let himself think about it. He had felt bad and responsible about everything, but Magnus had helped him with that. Thing was, though, if he thought about this too long, if he thought about the possibility of Even breaking up with him... Well, he was going to break down. There was nothing Magnus or anyone else could say that would make him feel better about it. So, he just was going to keep his mind off of it in all the ways he could, savor the moments of touch and cuddles that he could until Even felt better. Until Even could break his heart or cease his worries. 

And, if it was ceasing his worries, there was still so much Isak wanted to cover with him. He would be of sound mind to really talk about the Sonja situation. About all the future children talk. About all the self-deprecation in that list. About where his brain was when he decided to break up with him. About whether or not that was going to happen every time. About Even’s interview and about their possibility of getting that apartment together now that they knew what it was going to be like when Even was in the middle of an episode and they were together. About everything and anything that Isak could think of that would help Even’s mind feel at ease. 

Isak felt his mind racing. All he really wanted was to be with Even. For them to be in love with each other and work on things minute by minute the way he told Even they would. It was just hard at the moment to let go of everything else, to just focus on Even in his arms, his breathing becoming slow as he drifted back off into slumber. But, he was trying.

When Isak was sure he was fast asleep, he reached over, grabbed Even’s phone and took a video on it. Since Even was always taking videos of him, he hoped he’d enjoy it. In the video, he ran his hands through Even’s hair while he slept. He kissed his head multiple times in every place he could reach in the position he was in. At the end of the video, he mouthed “elsker deg” in the most coherent way he could without actually saying it out loud and waking him. Then he set the phone back down, picked up his own and sent out a few texts to his friends about notes and homework before cuddling back in and cherishing that he was going to get to sleep in some more on a school day. 

 

 **~Thursday Afternoon~**  
*  
Even felt Isak leave the bed, the warm comforting sting of his arms around him suddenly replaced by a biting cold on his back where Isak was pressed and on his rib where his arm had rested. Isak had lied, saying he’d do more than just lay there in bed with Even. This had to be the first time he left the room since that morning. Even would know, he would have remembered the bite of the cold Isak’s absence put on his skin. 

Even felt bad. It was one thing for him to be trapped in his bed by his thoughts. But, to trap Isak there with him, to have him just lay still, feeling bad for him when he could be out with his friends, having fun or furthering his education. It just wasn’t fair. It wasn’t Isak’s fault that moving made Even feel like dying. It wasn’t Isak’s fault that Even’s brain was out to get him. He shouldn’t have to be sulking in it, too. He didn’t want Isak to think that being his boyfriend meant falling into these patterns with him. He could only imagine what whirlwind Isak’s brain could fall into while bathing in Even’s dark vibes. He could only imagine Isak laying there, worrying away about Even when he should have been focused on other things. 

Even would get past it, somehow, there was no need to worry. Even if, right then he was feeling like flinging himself off a roof or two just to make everything stop for forever, he knew he would get past it. He always did. As long as he didn’t actually allow himself to move, to climb on a roof where he could actually do it. He just had to lay, to sleep, to wallow, and to hate himself over and over and over without actually doing anything about it. As long as he stayed still. As long as he avoided hazardous items—he was pretty sure that his family always took all of the razors out of the bathroom and that they made all the trips to the kitchen for him when he was like this for a reason—things that his mind could take hold of and and run with, it would all pass. 

He knew it. He hoped Isak knew it. He hoped he didn’t worry about where Even’s mind was at. As long as they were all taking the precautions necessary, they would get through it. Even would get better. He had to. 

He just hoped that someday, it would end. He prayed that there wouldn’t be a day where it did end. That they wouldn’t have to lock him up because he was a danger to himself. A danger to Isak. He already was both of those things though, wasn’t he? Here he was thinking about sharp objects and high places to jump from. Thinking about the easier ways to end himself. Danger to himself? Check. He remembered so clearly those bruises on Isak. On his shoulders, on his hips. From Even’s hands while they were having sex. Did he have new bruises from wrestling Even to the ground? Probably. And now he was weighing him down, letting him drown in his sheets and his thoughts while Even slept away his pain or wallowed in it awake. The things that could do to Isak’s mentality, Even didn’t even want to think about it. Danger to Isak? Check plus. 

His thoughts were getting to be too much. 

He sat up, letting his joints scream and the black mass in his body to settle down into his stomach while his brain and heart emptied with a biting, cold hollowness that somehow hurt more than the deathly mass. He pressed his back up against the headboard and grabbed his phone, opening up spotify and going to The Playlist. He had made it a few episodes ago, naming it _The Playlist_ so that Isak wouldn’t get suspicious of it. There were a lot of songs on it that weren’t exactly in Isak’s wheelhouse. They were whiny, singing about how life was unfair and honestly, Even loved every second of them. It was kind of like his guilty, emo pleasure. 

Songs upon songs of people singing about how hard it was to live, or about finding hope inside suicidal thoughts. It was mostly just helpful for Even to hear these things. Listening to people who were down on their luck who were finding their way out. Listening to people who had help during their hard times. Listening to people who felt the way Even did. To not be alone in his thoughts. Giving him hope to get him out of his thoughts. It might have been stupid, but he needed it. He needed something to get him out of the thoughts that were beginning to consume him.

He was listening to it through his earbuds, eyes closed, head tilted back when Isak walked back into the room. Even felt the warm sting of his presence before he was even in the bed, but he stayed still and felt it grow stronger and stronger until it was burning his side with that comforting pain. Once Isak’s side was touching his own, once he felt Isak’s hand burning his cheek, he opened his eyes, looking at him and pulling out his ear buds. 

“Whatcha listening to?” Isak asked somewhat cheerily, yet soft at the same time. Even his voice stung. But, it was ever-comfortable. The most comfortable thing Even could feel when he was like this. “I hope it’s not Gabrielle.” 

“You and your fake hatred of Gabrielle,” Even shook his head. The words still hurt rumbling out of his throat as if his vocal chords were supposed to be on hiatus. But, Isak had him talking. Much more frequently than he usually did while he was like this. Even if he didn’t really want to talk, he still kind of did. To Isak and Isak alone. “But, nei. Not Gabrielle.” 

“Is it what you were listening to yesterday?” Isak sounded concerned this time, his soft voice accompanied by a soft stinging caress to his cheek. He wasn’t super surprised that Isak knew what he was listening to, his phone had disappeared for a while and reappeared when Isak came home. He assumed his mom had taken it from him, not enjoying his music taste. She had probably told him about it.

“Uh, yeah,” Even pressed his eyebrows as far down as he could manage in the pain of the movement. Everything ached in its usual way, but Isak was there with the weird comfort that he brought, so it was bearable. “Do you know what I was listening to yesterday?”

“Spotify has that nifty little feature that shows you what the people you are following are listening to, you know,” Isak said quietly, his hand now running through his hair. His eyes were as concerned as his voice. Had he listened to the music? Was he thinking about Even’s spiral down into the depressing world the music he'd been listening to opened up? “I listened to a couple seconds of some of them and they’re...Are you okay?”

“I’m okay in the way you’re asking, yeah,” Even couldn’t help but laugh a little bitterly. Isak knew that in all senses of the word _okay,_ Even was not. But, he was worried about him being off the deep end, he was worried about Even planning the steps out of this life. Out of his life. “The songs are...dark. Well, some of them, at least. I know. But, some are kind of uplifting, too. Besides, it’s like, it shows me that I’m not alone in my feelings. It’s helpful. Don’t worry.” 

“You’re not alone,” Isak said, almost too quickly, yet still quietly, “You’re never going to be alone, Even. I’m going to be here. Even if you break up with me, even if you don’t want to be my boyfriend. I’ll be here as your best friend, always. You won’t ever be alone.”

“M’not breaking up with you,” Even sighed and finally moved again, sitting himself up straight and looking at Isak. He hated that he had said that, he wished he could take it back. Isak would never say something so hurtful to him, so why did he have to say hurtful things to Isak?

“Okay,” Isak said with so much breath—as if this had been the biggest relief, and maybe it was—that the word was barely even a sound, almost unable to be heard. “Well, I hoped so. But, uh, you know, that means you’re not alone all the same. Just the same as if I was just your best friend. You’re not alone and I know I don’t understand completely everything you feel, and I know that I never will, but I’m here to share the burden that you feel, babe. As much as you’ll let me and I know you don’t want me here, and you don’t want me to feel what you feel but I’m here and I’m here for you. And I love you.” 

“I love you too,” Even felt it, the love, the kindness and caring in his words and he even felt it in his own, even though it was a hard concept to grasp at the moment. Loving and being loved while he felt like this seemed like a trick, a trap. He let out a little sigh and gave Isak as much of a smile he could manage before picking up his phone and opening Spotify again, going through The Playlist. “So, this is going to be weird and mushy and maybe you won’t even understand it. But there’s this song, from a band that I’ve never heard of but, I think they’ve got some good music. But, the song, this one in particular, it reminds me of you. Or of us. The minute by minute thing and you being here for me. You might not like it, but do you want to hear it?”

“Sure,” Isak said with a small smile in return as he took the ear bud Even offered him and put it in his ear. Even found the song , put his own earbud in and looked at Isak for a few moments before he pressed play. The song started off immediately with the lyrics, the chords following in suit. 

The verses reminded Even of his own thoughts. Things that went through his mind the time he actually did hurt himself to try to end everything. Things that went through his mind whenever he thought of the subject of suicide—which was much more than he cared to admit aloud: 

_24 floors_  
_Up in some hotel room_  
_Feeling so low_  
_Thinking of jumping soon_  
_I look up and see the stars_  
_Look down at speeding cars_  
_Think of my family_  
_How they'll remember me_  
_Eyes closed, I see your face_  
_Breathe deep and hesitate_  
_I hear the words you'd say_  
_If you were here with me_  
_You'd say,_

The chorus reminded Even of the words Isak used to comfort him. They may have not been the same exact thing, but they were there. Between the lines, Isak said all of those things to him, in some way, shape or form. Telling him to live moment for moment, telling him that they didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, but right now, he was there. And, right here, with him was beautiful and worth it: 

_"You don't wanna die tonight_  
_Take one more breath to clear your mind_  
_Every moment's relevant_  
_Bittersweet and delicate_  
_Tomorrow may not come again."_  
*

**~Thursday Evening~**

Isak invited Eskild over after dinner and the two of them hung out in the kitchen while Even slept away and the rest of the family was watching a movie in the living room. Isak did it mostly to prove to Even that he wasn’t weighing him down, to show him that he was going to do things on his own, too. But, he also felt like there was a lot he wanted to talk to Eskild about. He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but Isak needed his Guru advising. It was always helpful, almost annoyingly so. 

“Do you want tea or something?” Isak asked, letting Eskild sit down at the table while he walked over to the cupboards for the cups and to see the options they had for tea. “We’ve got chamomile, green, herbal, uh, oolong? What the fuck is that?”

“Green tea would be great,” Eskild said with a little laugh, watching Isak from where he was sitting. Isak reached up and grabbed the box, having to stand on his tiptoes because it was on the highest shelf. He took out a mug, too, then turned around. When he did Eskild was up out of his seat, a concerned look in his eyes as he strided over to Isak. “Isak… are those bruises on your hips?” 

“What?” Isak asked incredulously as Eskild lifted his shirt up and started examining his hips. Isak swatted his hands away quickly and then turned back around, grabbing a tea bag out of the box and then walking over to the sink to fill up the water kettle. “Don’t worry about that, it’s literally nothing. I forgot they were even there.” 

“It’s not nothing, Isak,” Eskild said, leaning against the counter while his eyes dug holes in the back of Isak’s head. “Where did you get the bruises?”

“Eskild,” Isak groaned and turned around, looking at him with raised eyebrows, “It’s seriously nothing. You can’t tell me you’ve never had rough sex before.” 

“Sure I have,” Eskild shrugged a little and walked back over the table, “But it’s more like scratches on someone’s back, not dark as fuck bruises that look like there was a fucking struggle. Does Even at least have matching bruises?” 

“Nei,” Isak sighed and then got himself some water to drink since he wasn’t big on drinking tea and it was too late for coffee. “But it’s not like any lines were crossed. I get that it would be a problem if like, they were from me struggling or something. But, there was no struggle, just a lot of holding onto each other. Tight. So, uh, yeah. It was just, like, really hot. That’s all. Don’t worry. He’s not abusive or whatever when he’s manic. He’s just passionate. It was fun.”

“Fine, I trust you if you say so,” Eskild shrugged and sat down, looking up at him, a little resounding worry in his eyes. “So you guys are pretty sexually active then? As your Guru, I’d like to remind you to be safe. I also want to high five you. Oh, and did you ever have that talk? Are you two hot and heavy and all _versatile_.” 

“Yeah, yeah, we’re way past that,” Isak shrugged, sitting down with Eskild at the table while he waited for the kettle to whistle to so he could continue making Eskild’s tea. “Everything with Even has just been spectacular, honestly. He makes me so happy. I just worry about where he’s at. I mean, everyone’s got their insecurities, but we’ve been through what feels like so much since we’ve been together and I worry that he’s worried about all of it. I told him it’s just made us stronger, but then I found this list…”

“Okay, what kind of list?” Eskild raised an eyebrow and then got up as the kettle started to whistle. “I’ll get this, you explain.”

“It was a list that was like, things he wanted to tell me,” Isak sighed and ran a hand through his hair, thinking about the list a little bit, wondering if he could sum it up for Eskild. But there really wasn’t a theme, “Some of it was like, really cute, but a lot of it just made me sad. I mean, not like sad, sad. But sad for him. Because he’s scared of how much he loves me, he thinks I’m going to find someone else or that him telling me that he needs me is going to make me feel trapped? I just want to be able to reassure him, you know? Tell him I need him just as much, or that he’s the only one for me and that he doesn’t need to be afraid of how much he loves me, because I love him so much.” 

“Isak, you’re seventeen, right?” Eskild asked, dipping the bag of tea into his water and then walking back over to the table. Isak nodded and he went on. “Right, well, I mean, I know you’ve known Even forever and that this feels like everything you’ve ever wanted. I get that. But, I’m just not sure you can be so sure that you’re not going to find anyone else. I mean, I wouldn’t even go as so far to say that he wouldn’t find anyone else, either, you know? He’s young, too. Maybe it feels like you’ll be together forever, but you don’t know. He doesn’t know. You can’t let _forever_ put so much pressure on you or your relationship. Even if you want it, _forever_ is what makes people afraid of losing everything. Do you get what I’m saying?”

“Of course I get it,” Isak paused and mulled it over in his head, pulling on his hair out of frustration while he did so. He got it, he did, but it felt like forever made sense with Even. And it was slightly frustrating that Even couldn't see that. He took a few moments then folded his hands together on the table to try to calm himself. “I mean, I tell him that we live minute by minute, you know. Like, right now is all that matters. I get that the world could end tomorrow or we could be over tomorrow but right now we’re together and it’s amazing and all of it would have been totally worth it just to have him right now. It’s just, forever and the future have been coming up more often. Maybe because of the episode, maybe because of the situation with Sonja. But we’ve talked about going to uni, getting married, travelling, and even having kids of our own one day. It’s hard not to talk about it, even if we shouldn’t.”

“Jesus, Isak, _kids?_ You really need to take a step back,” Eskild said, shaking his head and looking at Isak like he had seven heads. Isak understood how an outsider might look at all of this like they were insane. But Eskild wasn’t feeling what Isak felt. What he was sure Even felt. For whatever reason, he wanted to hear what he had to say, anyway. “I know you’re in love and the sex is great and everything seems perfect because you’ve grown up together and you even live together, but fuck. If you’re really thinking about a future together, fine, but you should really only put focus on that next step. What’s the next step for the two of you right now?”

“Well, actually, we’re looking to move in together, like in our own place, I mean,” Isak said quietly. Perhaps there were a couple of steps before that step, like finding jobs and saving money, or talking about Isak being the only one there for his episodes, but overall, that sounded like the right answer. “It’s nice here and everything, but we don’t have locks on our doors, and his parents have rules, and I don’t know, it just makes sense to find a place of our own.”

“Of course, sex whenever and wherever sounds like a logical next step to me,” Eskild said, his serious tone lifting as he smiled at Isak from where he sat, sipping his tea knowingly. “And don’t even try to convince me that that’s not like, at least seventy-five percent of the reason why. I’ve noticed the hickeys. I’ve seen you two in a room together. You guys are all hands-on.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Isak rolled his eyes, not being able to deny that it would be a huge perk. Worrying about if Even’s family could hear them wasn’t exactly the sexiest thought while they were going at it. Being worried about scarring his sister wasn’t either. Not to mention that they really liked their showers together, and would love to just walk around naked when they first got up in the morning. Yeah, so moving out had a lot to do with sex. To Isak, anyway. Even might have been split fifty-fifty on sex and wanting to get away from his parents and their watchful and pressing gazes and opinions. 

“So, focus on that, then,” Eskild shrugged and sat back in his seat like all of this was the most obvious thing in the world. “Have you been apartment searching? Where are you going to get the money?”

“We’re job searching first, Even’s got an interview at KB next week, and we’ll save up money and then figure out what’s in our range,” Isak smiled small, thinking about Even getting the job. That would literally mean that they were getting ready for it, for the move. That they’d be closer to living alone together. “I was also thinking about seeing my Dad. Even doesn’t know about it, and wouldn’t want me to. But, I found out that he’s been paying Even’s parents. So, maybe he could just give me that money instead, you know? That would be really helpful. I mean, obviously I’ll get a job, too. But, I just thought it made sense.”

“Isn’t your dad a first-class douchebag, though?” 

“He is, and I’m a little scared but it might be worth it in the end, I don’t know,” Isak shrugged a little. Not too far back, he had asked Martin for Terje’s address. He knew were he lived, and it was going to be a forty-ish minute bus ride, but maybe something good would come of it. Maybe he and his Dad could make up, maybe he’d give him money and help out the two of them. 

“I might agree with Even on that one, though,” Eskild shook his head and sipped some more of his tea, “I mean, maybe it’d work out, but maybe he’ll hurt you more. Maybe it’s just better to stay away and figure it out on your own. Or, if you go, just bring me or Even or someone. Just in case. I just don’t trust that guy.”

“Yeah, okay,” Isak rolled his eyes a little. Of course Eskild would want him to bring a protector. Like Isak couldn’t handle himself, not even with his own Dad. He wasn’t sure if he’d do it alone or not, but he’d drop the subject with Eskild for now so he didn’t pester him out of it or into bringing someone with him. 

They spent the rest of the evening going over pros and cons of fighting with Even about going to therapy as well as arguing about Isak’s attendance. 

Eskild thought that talking to Even about therapy couldn’t hurt anything. He told him not to push, just tell him how he felt about it. To tell him how he thought Even might benefit, how they might benefit. But, to shut it down if it seemed to upset him, because it really was his choice, overall. “Just, don’t put too much pressure on it. I think part of it is wanting to be difficult, and if you put too much pressure on it, he’s going to want to rebel even more.” Isak thought maybe he could look up reviews of some of the therapists in the area and maybe fine someone good from him. Maybe he could go see them first and assess how he thought Even would handle them. Isak definitely didn't want to talk to therapists, but he would for Even. He'd do anything for Even.

Eskild was also being a total Dad and telling Isak he needed to go to school, keep his grades up. Was basically scolding him for hurting his attendance over a boy. Went on and on about how much potential he had and that he shouldn’t blow it. In the end, he convinced Isak to go the next day and helped him make a plan to make sure that Even wasn’t alone all day, regardless. Isak hoped it would be enough, texting up Even’s friends to see if they could schedule visits all day long before escorting Eskild out and then climbing into bed with Even.

 

**~Friday Lunch~**

“It’s going to be so epic, honestly,” Mahdi said. The boys were at their lunch table, talking about the party that was going on that night. Apparently there were some third years throwing a “rager” and everyone was talking about it. Not shockingly, the only time Isak heard anything about it was on Tuesday when it was briefly brought up by Vilde at their meeting. Even then, he was barely paying attention, had no idea it was supposed to be some huge thing. He had been too focused on Even, and he still was. 

“Yeah, I think I’m actually just going to stay home with Even,” Isak shrugged, sitting back in his seat and flipping his hat around so the visor faced front. It was a defense mechanism, to block his view from Mahdi and Magnus, who were probably pissed or were going to try to get him to go, regardless. It was hard enough for him to leave Even that morning, he wasn’t going to leave him that night, too. Besides, he didn’t really like parties without Even. He never did, especially now that they were a couple. It was a lot more bearable, being around all those people when Even was there to keep him grounded. 

“Isaaak, party of the year and you’re actually planning on missing it? Come on, man,” Magnus said, reaching across the table and hitting his hat off his head so that it flipped back to the floor behind him. “Even would totally want you to go. Let loose, have fun. Enjoy a boyfriendless night.”

“I don’t really want to go, anyway,” Isak said before getting out of his chair and grabbing his hat to resituate it backwards on his head. “I mean, it’s not that I don’t like partying with you guys, but I just prefer it when Even is there. And I don’t think that I could have that much fun because I’d be thinking about him and how much fun he could have if he wasn’t down. So, yeah, I won’t be going.”

“Ugh, you can go to one party without him Isak, you’ll survive,” Mahdi looked at him with a raised brow, trying to be persuasive with his look and his condescending tone. “It’s not healthy to be so dependent on him, anyway.”

“For real though,” Magnus agreed. 

“Seriously guys?” Jonas spoke up, sitting forward in his seat and pressing his hands on the table to look at the boys. “Magnus, Vilde is going to be there and if she wanted to do something else with you, you’d drop the party so hard. You two are probably just going to be hooking up all night long, anyway. And, Mahdi, is Unni going to be there?” Jonas raised a brow back at him and when he nodded, Jonas went on, “Exactly. You guys can’t give Isak shit. You probably won’t even hang out with him all night, anyway. You’ll be too focused on your ladies.”

Isak couldn’t help but smile and thank Jonas with a little nod of his head. It was nice, having him on his side, sticking up for him. He was doing things like that for Isak more often as of recently. Mostly when Even wasn’t around to do it instead. But, Isak could tell there wasn’t any ulterior motive behind it. He just wanted to be nice, to be Isak’s friend and help him out in tough situations and that made Isak feel good. He was already so far past his crush on him, so far past their non-relationship, and it seemed like Jonas was now, too. 

“Is this like a gay solidarity thing? Have you realized that since Jonas came around, we’re outnumbered?” Magnus asked jokingly, looking at Mahdi. 

“Mags, we’ve been over this, you can’t say shit like that!” Mahdi said and shook his head, smacking Magnus’ shoulder. 

“Can I not say anything about gays because I’m straight?”

“I think it’s best you don’t,” Isak told him with a little laugh and a smile. He knew that Magnus was fine with who he was, who Even was, who Jonas was, but there were people who weren’t going to know that and he didn’t always say the right thing. Though, Isak did suppose that even with Jonas and his unlabeled sexuality, the heteros at the table were outnumbered. And that was actually, kind of really hilarious to him. 

“Agreed,” Jonas said and laughed, shaking his head for a moment before looking back at the boys across the table, “So, actually, I think I’ll be skipping out on the party, too. Isak, do you want to hang at your place? Would Even be up for it? We could smoke or whatever. We can have fun, sans party.”

“Damn it, Jonas, you’re making us look bad,” Magnus said, slamming his hands down on the table playfully and looking over at the two of them. “Isak, don’t you forget, we’re your OG friends. We got yo baaaack. Just not tonight.”

“Obviously Jonas is a superior friend,” Isak joked back with a smile, leaning over in his seat and bumping Jonas’ shoulder with his own. “Maybe it’s the gay thing.”

“Or maybe he just owes you because you went down on him,” Mahdi said matter-of-factly, raising an eyebrow and looking between the two of them. Magnus looked at him then back at the two of them and mirrored his look, as if he had previously forgotten about it. Isak mostly forgot about it, too, except it seemed his friends liked to bring it up, “You sure Even’s even going to be okay with that?”

“Oh shut up, it’s fine,” Jonas shrugged and then looked at Isak with an eyebrow raised. Bygones. “Isn’t it?”

“Of course.”

 

 **~Friday Afternoon~**  
*  
Even knew that Isak had a plan when he woke up that morning with a note from him on his pillow. It read “ _don’t worry, you don’t have to fight with me today about going to school. ❤. but, you won’t be alone, either. jeg elsker deg, have a good day ❤❤❤❤❤❤._ ” Even smiled a little when he read it and then set it down on the bedside table and rolled back over and fell back to sleep. The next thing he knew, Eskild was there, offering him some tea and toast while he sat on the edge of the bed and talked until Even’s head was pounding with his voice. 

When Eskild left, it wasn’t long before Yousef and Elias were there, in his room. They lingered at the foot of his bed, making him sit up while they asked how he was. And, even after small talk was over and Even swore he was fine, they stayed and stayed and stayed exhausting Even further. He felt a little bit better today, he did, but it was still difficult. He was only kind of sad but the numbness came and went and Even could even feel it in his toes when it wasn’t around. He didn’t want to talk or hang out or play videogames or listen to rap music or any of the usual things he did with his friends. He just, kind of wanted to be held. By Isak and Isak alone. He appreciated him getting their friends to come and help him, for thinking of him and orchestrating all this but when Elias and Yousef left and Mutta showed up, he was pretty sure he was going to lose it. 

“I’m going to sleep,” He said with a groan when Mutta jumped into the room happily. Even turned on his stomach and put his face in his—Isak’s when he slept in Even’s bed—pillow. He groaned a little more into it, the sound vibrating his entire head, so he reached his hands up and took hold of it, laying there. Mutta could leave, he didn’t care. Even was just going to take a moment, hold his breath until sleep found him again. Mutta could decide whether or not he really wanted to be there for that. 

“Great, a nap sounds so good,” Mutta said after a moment. Even heard the door shut, some ruffling, the thud of a couple shoes hitting the floor, then the padding of his socked feet across the floor. The next thing he knew, the bed was dipping and he could feel Mutta’s body heat, not too close but not that far either. “Should I cuddle you like Isak does? Or do you cuddle him? I mean, you’re taller, I’d figure you’re the big spoon, but, I don’t know. When you’re like this? You’re totally little spoon material.”

“What the fuck, Mutta,” Even groaned again and turned his head to the side with an eyebrow raise. It wasn’t that any of his friends were anti-gay or too masculine to hug or sit too close or anything ridiculous like other straight guys, but they weren’t really the _I’ll-cuddle-you_ type. “Are you hitting on me? M’not interested.”

“Damn, and here I was, totally trying to slip into those DM’s,” Mutta laughed lightly, a small smile coming to his face before he turned on his side, resting his elbow on the pillow and then his head on his hand. “Seriously, though. If you need a cuddle, well, I’m kind of awesome at it. But I’m no little spoon. Nei.”

“Two bros cuddling, then?” Even couldn’t help the sarcastic tone and the eyebrow raise. He may have felt like shit, but this was Mutta and he was offering to cuddle Even and it was just kind of hilarious. “Nei, I’m fine. You don’t have to cuddle me. Just, don’t wake me for bullshit like water or food. I just want to sleep and I’ll eat when I can. Got it?”

“Got it,” Mutta said, a devious smirk playing across his face. Even didn’t know what it was for, but he wasn’t going to have any of it, so he turned over, back to him and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath in and holding it. Suddenly, Mutta’s hand was on his side and he tugged him into his chest. “You never specifically said I couldn’t cuddle you. I always sleep better with a little spoon, anyway.”

“Faen, dude,” Even squirmed a little but found himself getting comfortable in his arms, “Fine. But if you get a hard on, I’m kicking you out so fast.”

 

Even’s body recognized Isak before his eyes could even see him. The warm, comforting sting of his presence washed over Even as soon as he was in the room. It was either the feeling that woke him up, or the door, but Even would always rather believe that it was Isak. That it was their connection. He didn’t open his eyes, he just waited. Waited for a kiss or a caress, or something. Isak didn’t know Even had this sixth sense for him, Even knew that he would want to make his presence known. 

“Excuse me,” He heard him mumble, the jealousy in his voice audible. The bed dipped and then suddenly, Isak was squeezing his way in between Mutta and Even, who were still somehow still tangled up. As he did, Even scooted a little more to the edge of the bed, trying to give him the space. But, he didn’t need to, because the next thing he heard was Mutta’s body hit the floor. 

“What the hell, Isak?” Mutta groaned. Even turned around now, eyes meeting Isak’s back and then looking over him where Mutta was now standing up and brushing himself off. “You could have just asked me to get up, you know.”

“That’s what you get for cuddling my boyfriend, thank you,” Isak said where he was laying and then sat up. Isak’s jealousy was adorable and it had Even smiling again. He had smiled way more often during the down side of this episode than he ever had before. And, really, all the smiles related to Isak. Isak made it easier. “You were supposed to keep him company, not try to steal him from me.” 

“He wanted to sleep and I just happened to be tired,” Mutta said with a laugh and then shook his head. “Alright, whatever. I was just trying to be a good friend.” 

“You were, thank you,” Isak said, voice suddenly more gentle, as he pulled his snapback off and ran his fingers through his hair a couple of times. Even wasn’t even sure if Isak knew that he was awake, watching this. He assumed he had to know, because of course their talking would keep him up, right? “Were you planning on staying much longer? You don’t have to.”

“Uhh,” Mutta pulled out his phone and looked at the time, “In like, thirty minutes I was going to head out and tell Mikael and Adam to swing by if you weren’t here yet. But, yeah, I should go. I’ve got a date before that party tonight. You going?”

“Nei,” Isak shook his head and then shrugged, “I’d rather be here.” 

Even couldn’t help but let out a sigh. He was aware of the party. He’d been stoked about it on Tuesday, but now? Now the thought of going to a party with all those people and loud music sounded like some sort of hell on earth. He would never survive that much movement, that much socialization, that much noise. It would literally knock him on his ass. It would be way too dangerous for him to go. There was way too much that he could get himself into that he wouldn’t be able to return from. Not in this mood, not when it escalated from all the sensory overload just to make him hate himself more. 

He hated that he was keeping Isak from it too. 

“You should go, Isak,” Even spoke up, clearing his throat as he did. “It’ll be fun, I wouldn’t want you to miss out.”

“I don’t want to go, besides, Jonas wants to come over and hang out,” Isak said carefully, turning where he sat and immediately reaching down to stroke Even’s cheek slowly and gently. “We’re just going to smoke and chill. Is that okay? Do you want to join?”

“Mikael’s Jonas?” Mutta asked before Even could answer. Which was lucky for Even because he was struck with a few emotions on the matter. He trusted Isak, but he didn’t trust Jonas and what were they going to do? Sit in his room together all night and smoke? That sounded...well, just not good to Even. And it wasn’t like he was exactly in the mood to do anymore hanging out. He was beat from all of today’s visitors. He couldn't stand another one, especially one who got high and spoke all existentially and made his brain feel more alone. 

“He’s not technically Mikael’s Jonas…”

“He was Isak’s Jonas before he was Mikael’s,” Even said, it coming out a little more coldly than he meant for it to. But, he still was a little bitter that it took Jonas moving there for Isak to come out. He understood that Isak coming out didn’t have anything to do with Jonas, but with himself instead, but it still gave him a sinking feeling that was a little too much to handle right then. 

“Oh, shit, really?” Mutta looked shocked as his eyebrows shot up and he looked between the two of them. “So, then...ex’s are dating ex’s? Fuck, alright, that’s my que to leave. Don’t bicker too much boys.”

“Shut up, there won’t be any bickering, thank you,” Isak rolled his eyes and then gave Mutta a little twinkle of a wave. “And seriously, thank you for stopping by. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.” Mutta threw up both his middle fingers with a sincere smile and then left the room, closing the door behind him. Then Isak smiled and turned back to Even, “your friends probably hate me. I should probably be nicer to them.”

“I’m not nice to them, either,” Even gave Isak a little smile and then weakly lifted his arms up, opening them and hoping Isak would know to crawl into them. He wanted to cuddle his boyfriend now. Cuddling Mutta hadn’t been satisfying enough. Isak was the only one who could provide him with that stinging comfort he needed. 

“True,” Isak gave a little shrug and then lied down in Even’s arms with a smile, moving close and pressing his forehead to his boyfriend’s. “So, seriously, if you’re not comfortable with Jonas coming over, just say the word. I won’t be mad or anything. I’d gladly just stay here with you all night long. Even if you were just sleeping, it’d still be better than that party.”  
*

**~Friday Evening~**

The plan was that Even would stay in his room, but they’d keep the door between their rooms opened. Isak told Even he wasn’t going to need saving from Jonas—plus he was pretty sure that Even was inactive enough that he wouldn’t actually want to get out of bed, anyway—but it was the plan. Not to mention, just in case Isak felt like popping in and checking up on him, it’d be that much easier with the door open. 

So, when Jonas got there, he invited him in and then stuffed blankets under both of the doors to Even and Isak’s rooms, just in case the smell of smoke wafted. He opened up the window and kicked some clothes into the closet while Jonas situated himself at Isak’s desk, rolling a few joints for the two of them. Once the room was clean enough, Isak peaked his head into Even’s room, seeing that Even was sleeping soundly on his bed before going to sit on the edge of his bed, watching Jonas. 

It probably should have been weird. But, Isak had never been friends with any person he’d previously been with sexually, and so it was kind of just new to him. He thought that probably people in their situation would avoid each other. Isak had seen his dick, had had it in his fucking mouth, so he thought for sure that it would be on his mind. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen his friends’ dicks before; Magnus loved whipping it out and pissing anywhere he could when he was drunk, and although Mahdi was more discrete, he had slipped a few times. He’d just never thought about them in a sexual way. So, it was probably supposed to be different with Jonas, but it wasn’t.

There was no fluttering in his chest, no sinking feelings in his stomach about the situation or betraying Even. It was just...normal. Like with Mahdi and Magnus. Maybe even better because Jonas actually talked to him about more than hooking up, about more than partying, about more than just the things guys were supposed to talk about. It kind of felt like Jonas cared on a deeper level, not that he thought Mahdi and Magnus didn’t care, but this was definitely different. 

“Hey Jonas?” Isak spoke kind of quietly, watching him as he finished rolling up the third joint and lifted it up to the light of the window to inspect it. He paused and looked at Isak, raising an eyebrow and holding it out to him. Isak took it and then got up, walking over to his dresser to grab his lighter out of the underwear drawer. “Why are you so nice to me? Like, for real.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Jonas asked, sparking up one of the other joints while Isak lit the one he gave him. Isak moved back over to the bed, sitting down while he took a couple puffs of the joint before giving Jonas a little shrug and meeting his eyes. “Isak, everything I’ve ever said about you being cool or whatever, it’s all true. That doesn’t change because you and I are just friends. I actually think maybe I believe it more after seeing you with Even and how you handle everything. I know there’s like, this awkward thing or whatever between us, but I don’t mind it. I care about you.”

“Oh,” Isak paused for a moment, rolling over Jonas’ words in his head for a few moments while he took a drag of his joint. Jonas cared about him, okay. “I mean, I care about you, too. In like, a friend way, obviously.”

“Obviously,” Jonas said with a shrug, taking a hit of his own joint before getting up and sitting on the edge of the bed next to Isak. He gave him a small smile then blew smoke in his face. “I don’t mind being your in between.” 

“My in between?” 

“The person that led you to Even, I mean,” Jonas shrugged and took another hit before laying back, letting his feet remain dangled off the edge of the bed, “Or maybe I’m not and that’s just me being full of myself but whatever.”

“Mm, I’ll give you that,” Isak laughed a little and laid back, too, letting his feet dangle off the edge of the bed too while he took another hit and blew it up at the ceiling. “How’s Mikael, by the way?”

“Mikael? Good,” Jonas tilted his head from side to side a couple of times and then shrugged, “I like him, we have fun. But, I’m kind of seeing a couple of girls, too. I don’t really know if I’m going to be wanting a relationship anytime soon, honestly. But, if I did, I’d probably choose him over the rest of them. It's just all a little weird, don't you think? He dated Even and they were together for a while, weren't they? I well, I think...well maybe I shouldn't say what I think. Never mind, it's just weird.”

“What do you think? Is it about Even? And what girls? Do I know them?” Isak asked rapidly, already starting to feel high as he took another hit and feeling suddenly very curious. 

“Uh, their names are Sara and Laila. I think Sara is friends with Ingrid, I haven’t really spent that much time with her,” Jonas turned his head and looked straight up at the ceiling while he continued smoking. “I can’t handle too much of her, to be honest. But, she’s good in bed so it’s kind of back and forth, I guess? Laila doesn’t go to Nissen, she goes to Bakka but I met her at a party recently. We text every now and then, have gone on a couple of dates. But, yeah, Mikael, we hang out a lot. I mean, kind of. More than the other two and he’s, like, great. It’s just that..well, I guess I don’t know if he’s over Even.”

“Why...why would you think he’s not?” Isak swallowed hard, moving his hand to his side and letting the joint burn on its own for a few moments. His stomach dropped a little with that statement. It wasn’t as though he was tremendously worried about Even wanting to go back to Mikael, but it wasn’t like it was something he didn’t worry about, either. They had a history. They had something between them, and he wasn’t sure if it was as innocent as how he felt about Jonas at this point. He knew that Mikael was jealous about Even moving on with Sonja and he was even jealous of Isak for a while. 

Could he still be in love with Even? Who wouldn’t fall in love with Even? Who wouldn’t stay in love with him forever?

“He just asks about him a lot,” Jonas said and then sat up, moving up on the bed and against the headboard, his feet landing above where Isak’s head was lying. “I asked him why and he says he just wants to know if he’s happy. Which is all fine, but all I can say is that he seems happy with you. But, I hardly know what he was like before you. And I’m not sure that’s what Mikael wants to hear, honestly.”

“Well, uh, maybe he just wants to know where he’s at mentally because of the bipolar thing?” Isak tried to ask calmly. He didn’t want to freak out about Mikael. Especially when he didn’t know first-hand what was being asked or what was going on. He wished he could find out, but would Mikael ask the same questions around him?

“Yeah, maybe.” 

“You should invite him over.” 

 

The two of them smoked four joints together and shortly after, Isak finally convinced him to invite Mikael over. There was no guarantee that he’d be free, but it was worth a shot. To see the two of them act alone, to see if he wanted to talk to Even or check up on Even, or ask Isak about Even. It’d be worth it to try to figure out what was going on in his mind. 

“There, I sent him a text, happy now?” Jonas laughed, kicking Isak’s shin. They were sitting across from each other on the bed now, facing each other but sitting pretty far apart so they could spread out their legs in front of them without colliding too much. 

“Very,” Isak smiled and kicked him back, “You know, it’d be funny if we invited over Noora and Eva too.” 

“Why’s that?” Jonas asked with a raised eyebrow, moving his hands behind his back as he leaned up against the headboard of the bed. 

“Oh, uh,” Isak shook his head a little and then shrugged, just saying the first thing that came to mind so that he wouldn’t outright tell Jonas about what was going on between the two girls. His original thought was that it’d be some sort of gay little party with them there too. Not to mention the level of ex’s in the room, including Even sleeping in the next room, “you could have an orgy.” 

“Whaaaat?” Jonas asked incredulously, bursting into laughter and grabbing at his stomach. Isak couldn’t help but laugh along too, the two of them falling over on their sides and not being able to stop laughing. Jonas kept trying to talk between little bursts of laughter, but he failed every time, “What are you… Did you really just… I don’t even know… what the…” 

It took awhile for the two of them to finally settle down. They smacked each other’s chests and every time it seemed like they might have finally calmed down, but they looked at each other and burst out again until finally the room settled to silence around them. Isak wiped his eyes from the tears that had began to spill out the corners from all the laughter and squinting. They were both breathing heavily where they were laying, as if they had just ran a mile. They stared at each other silently for a few moments and just smiled, a content falling over them that made Isak feel great. He was happy for the moment, happy to just be able to relax and laugh and just hang out with a friend. 

“An orgy, wow,” Jonas shook his head and then slowly pushed himself up into a sitting position, “I’m not sure I want to know where that came from. Do you offer up your room for orgies often, or?”

“My room? Hell no, you would not be using my room,” Isak shook his head and sat up, too, this time next to Jonas against the headboard. He turned his head and rested his chin on his shoulder. “You guys could like, get together here but fuck if I’m letting you use my room for that. Even and I barely even use my bed to have sex. It’s a sacred place. Innocent, even.”

“Fuck,” Jonas made a face and then got up off the bed, “I didn’t even think about the fact that you and Even have sex in this bed. I’ve been like...sitting in your juices. Gross, dude.” 

“Hey, my bed is clean! It’s his bed you have to worry about,” Isak patted the spot beside him and looked up at Jonas. “Come on, sit back down. There are no _juices_ to worry about. That’s a gross way to put it, by the way. Besides, you can’t really be grossed out about that, seeing as your _juices_ have been in my mouth.” 

“You spit though.” 

“You didn’t warn me!” Isak said defensively, shaking his head and remembering the moment for a second. When it happened, Isak felt like it was all out of lust, but when he thought back to them memory, he could only remember doing it out of spite for everything that Eva said. “I’d never gone down on a guy—on anyone—before and you didn’t warn me, I was surprised, I almost choked on it.” 

“Oh my god,” Jonas started laughing again, shaking his head and sitting on the edge of the bed. He put his hands on his face and rubbed it a couple times before looking back at Isak, “I didn’t know. I couldn’t tell. You were seriously good at that for your first time. Fuck, man.” 

“Thank you,” Isak laughed and shook his head. He felt pretty damn good at his oral abilities at that point. Even always seemed pretty satisfied, maybe even shocked at what he could do. “Bet I’ve gotten better… Or...not that that you’ll ever know. Like, ever. Seriously, I’m staying with Even as long as I live. If he’ll have me, anyway. But...but I think he will.” 

“It’s crazy how completely gone you are for him, you know,” Jonas said with a smile, turning around on the bed, sitting on the edge still but now he was facing Isak as he tucked his legs up underneath him. “Not in a bad way, or anything. It’s just, I don’t know how anyone falls so hard for anyone. Or how anyone might want to be with someone forever. I’ve never been in love, though. So, I don’t know. Maybe if I fell in love.” 

“You should fall in love with Mikael and keep him away from Even for me,” Isak said, the words rolling off his tongue before he thought of them. That tended to happen when he was high. He just said whatever, consequences be damned. It was all mostly true, anyway. He liked to be honest, be himself when he was high. It always happened. “Or maybe Noora or Eva can do that if you can’t. That’s it. I’m inviting them over, too.”

“Go ahead, but Mikael isn’t going to go for them when I’m around, I mean, look at me, I’m way too hot to resist.” 

Isak rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone, immediately creating a group chat with Noora and Eva. He called it “gaaaaay” because why the hell not. He liked gay. He liked being gay. He hoped Noora and Eva liked their idea of being gay, too. Gay was happy. Gay, gay, gay. 

****

**~gaaaaay~**

_hey guys, come over and hang out at my place with me and Jonas and Mikael and sleeping Even xx. 22:02_

  


_Noora_  
_gaaaaay? really, Isak?_  
_22:04_  
  


_Eva_  
_we’re partying!!!_  
_22:05_

_yes, noora. super duper hella gay like me. party be damned!!! we have our own party happening here. for the gays only. I don’t care if you think you’re straight, you’re like, partially gay. 22:06_

_Noora_  
_have you been telling people?_  
_22:06_

_no, calm down and just come, it’ll be fun. 22:07_

  
_Eva_  
_but the party!!!_  
_22:08_  


_Noora_  
_yeah okay, I’m in. this party is way too much for me._  
_22:09_

_Eva_  
_okay, fine, me too._  
_22:09_

“Noora and Eva are coming,” Isak told Jonas, slipping his phone back into his pocket and looking up at him. “Has Mikael answered you?”

*  
Even could hear Isak and Jonas pretty well when he was awake. He could smell the weed smell every now and again, too when it wafted through their connecting doors. He wasn’t really feeling much of anything, but he assumed he’d be a range of emotions if he could, jealousy on top. He’d heard Isak say that he’d be with Even forever, but that was right after Jonas and Isak had discussed their sexual encounter—that damn blowjob in the school's bathroom. It probably wasn’t harmful. But it was hard to tell anything at the moment. There had been talk about Mikael still being into him, something about an orgy, and just a whole lot of things that Even couldn’t grip his mind around. 

He heard when the girls showed up and then when Mikael showed up about twenty minutes later. Isak was basically throwing a party in his room. Even had to check it out. Through all of his numbness, he got himself to get up, threw on a few more layers to simulate his blankets before slinking into the room. He stood in the doorway and took in the sight of everything, first. They all had cups of red liquid—wine, probably—Isak was sitting on his bed with the girls, himself against the headboard while the two of them sat close but kept to themselves at the foot of the bed. Jonas and Mikael were perched on the windowsill, smoking a joint. Isak and Jonas were focused o the others while they were all talking about that party that was going on elsewhere. 

“Come on, guys, you make it sound like the worst thing that ever happened,” Eva said, an obvious advocate for high school parties. Everyone knew she liked getting sloshed, liked dancing like no one was watching, and loved making out with every rando who would take her. “It was just a lot of people, that’s the only reason it was like that.”

“Baby!” Isak bounced up and smiled as soon as he saw Even, walking over to the where he stood and wrapping his arms around him. He nuzzled his nose against Even’s shoulder for a moment and then looked at him, “I’m sorry, are we being too loud? Do you want to join us?”

“Oh, I, yeah, when did you decide to throw a party?” Even asked kind of quietly, letting Isak take his hand and lead him over to the bed. He let him pull him onto the bed and sat him between his legs. Even rested his back against Isak’s chest and pulled his knees up to his chest while Isak wrapped his arms around his waist. 

“It’s more of a get together, I just thought it’d be fun, all of us here,” Isak said and then pressed few kisses absently to the side of Even’s face. It felt absent too, his lips on his skin were empty, not as fulfilling as usual and Even hated it. “Eva and Noora brought the wine, and with Jonas and Mikael here we have like a ton of weed. You don’t think your parents can smell it, do you?”

“I think they would have said something by now,” Even said in a grumbly voice, tilting his head back on Isak’s shoulder and looking up at ceiling. He wasn’t sure what his parents would think about smoking weed in their house, but it sure as hell wasn’t the first time, and it wouldn’t have been the last. Even if they did catch Isak. 

“Mmkay,” Isak said, letting his hands roam around Even’s stomach and chest. Cuddling into him happily. Even wished he could feel just as happy about it, and because he didn’t he kind of just wanted to push him away, but he didn’t. He just let Isak keep holding him and hoped that eventually he would feel something. He was able to push himself out of the numbness last time, but he wasn’t so sure about it this time. 

“Sorry, I’m not trying to ruin the party, go on,” Even said, lifting up his heavy head and looking around the room. “Talk about the other party and get drunk and high or whatever. Or, I guess now it’s like a triple gay date, right?”

“You two are obsessed with gay, you know that?” Eva asked drunkenly and with an inflection that told him that it was playful, all fun. That she didn’t mind if Even and Isak were obsessed with gay things, or whatever she was actually saying. But his eyes flipped to Noora, because he had a feeling that if anyone wasn’t okay with that, it was going to be her. He didn’t know why, but he thought that perhaps she wasn’t comfortable with herself, which would make her uncomfortable with all of this. 

“Even’s always been like that,” Mikael said with a shrug, “If he could surround himself with only people in the LGBT community, he totally would.”

“That’s probably true,” Isak said with a little bit of a laugh, looking back and forth from Mikael to the girls for a moment. “I mean, it makes sense to me, I love it, too.”

“Okay, are we just kind of ignoring that Even called Eva and Noora gay, too, or?” Jonas asked where he sat, passing his joint to Mikael and then resting an arm across his shoulders. Mikael smiled a little and leaned into him, but his gaze was on Even. Both of them were. Even looked around, and Noora and Eva were looking at him, too. Oops. 

“Even’s just obsessed with the idea that they’d be a cute couple,” Isak said quickly and shrugged, squeezing Even then kissing the side of his face and neck a couple more times. “That’s what he meant, right baby?”

“It’s cool, Isak,” Noora said, surprising Even. “It’s not like we’re gay-gay, but I mean, yeah. If we can’t say it in a room full of, uh.. The LGBT community, then really it’s kind of fucked up.” She was obviously a little uncomfortable, scratching her arm and avoiding everyone’s gaze, including Eva, who’s wine eyes were becoming heart eyes while she went on. They were totally falling. 

“Well, I’ll just say that I’m pretty sure I’m bi,” Eva shrugged, “I’ve always made out with girls and guys at parties. I figured it was drunk thing buuuuuuut…”

“Well, you’re drunk right now,” Jonas pointed out, giving her a little smile. A smile that might’ve been flirty, and usually Even could tell, but right then he was really unsure. He’d like to think it was supportive. 

“Shuuuut uppp,” Eva said with a laugh and then wrapped her arms around Noora in a big hug, the two of them giggling and smiling. “Right now is different. I’ve kissed her sober, too. Though...there’s been a lot of drunken nights. I basically turning her into a wine mom. Because she’s such a mom. It's kind of adorable.”

“So then we’ve got mommy issues and daddy issues in this room,” Jonas said, joking and looking around at the two couples on the bed. “What a wonderful combination.”

“Shut up,” Noora, Eva, and Isak all said at the same time, Isak throwing a pillow over at the two of them sitting on the windowsill. Mikael and Jonas immediately to burst into laughter where they were leaning against the window. They clung onto one another and laughed for a good minute, at least. Synchronized little giggles and movements, it was almost weird. 

“Sorry, sorry, I was joking,” Jonas shook his head and then slipped his hand down Mikael’s back before moving to sit on top of the desk, sliding some stuff over and making sure there was room for two. “It’s cool. I’m glad you’re happy. And, I have to say, if all of us were couples in this room, we’d be the hottest couples of all of our friends. Me and Mikael being the hottest, of course.”

“Someone’s full of themself,” Isak said and then shook his head, “I’m sorry but I’m literally dating the hottest boy in the fucking world. He’d be the hottest couple all on his own. Especially on his own, honestly.”

“That makes it sound like,” Eva shook her head and laughed, “I’m not even going to say what that sounds like.” 

“Even, you’re being surprisingly quiet for this conversation,” Mikael said and then plucked an unlit joint off the windowsill, walking over and holding it out to him, “need to take a load off?”

“Sure,” Even took it with a shrug, putting it to his mouth and letting Mikael light it for him. He took a couple of puffs and then turned his head, reaching behind Isak’s head and pulling his lips to his, breathing the smoke into his mouth and giving him a kiss. He wished that there was the electricity he always felt, but he knew at least Isak was feeling something, so he let it linger for a few moments. He pulled back and let Isak blow the smoke out, blowing it up into the air. 

“I really shouldn’t be letting you do that right now,” Isak said, licking his lips and then running a hand through Even’s hair, pushing it back on his head. “But I can make an exception.”

“No offense, but I had him smoking a lot more than you’re aware of when we were together,” Mikael said with a little smile before he joined Jonas on the desk. “And nothing ever happened, so I think it’s going to be okay.” 

“You weren’t supposed to tell him that,” Even said quietly, turning to Isak and biting his lip. He wasn’t sure if he would be mad or not. It really wasn’t that often, and Mikael was right, nothing bad ever happened. Even just usually listened to Isak about it because he wanted to make him happy, he didn’t mind that he wanted to make sure he was okay, because it meant that he cared. 

“Oh, fuck you both,” Isak sighed and then reached for the joint, taking it from Even and holding it up to his lips for him to take another puff before pulling Even’s lips back to his. 

 

**~Saturday Morning~**

Even woke up around six in the morning the next day. Isak was laying on his stomach, resting on Even’s chest with his arm stretched out to the other side of him. He was heavy with sleep, but Even felt nothing. There was no sting, no weight, there was just nothing. It made Even want to scream. Last night, the weed had helped him, lightened his brain, made him feel a little. But now, it was all back and he just wanted to tell Isak to leave. But, he was in Isak’s room, in his bed, his drool soaking the breast of his shirt. 

He didn’t want to wake Isak. Mostly because he knew that telling him he wanted to be alone would set off red flags for him, so he just laid there, staring up at the ceiling and holding his breath. Hoping sleep would take back over. But it didn’t. He had to take random deep breaths after holding his breath for so long. Multiple times, he’d hoped that the lack of air would eventually make him pass out, but he couldn’t this time. Nothing was working. 

So, he just stared at the ceiling for minutes, hours, he didn’t even know, before he finally got himself up. Moving slowly because it was the only thing he could do. He wouldn’t have given a damn about waking Isak up at the time, but since he only could move slowly, he managed to not. Standing up, staring at him for a few moments, hoping to feel something. He ran his hands through his hair, the soft curls giving him no feeling whatsoever. He sighed and then left the room. 

Once in his own room, he walked over to the desk and stared out the window, looking out on his usual view. The view that would give him so many creative ideas, especially in the early morning light. But there was nothing. Even opening the windows and letting the cold air on his face had nothing. He hated it. Hated it so much. Hate was the absolute only thing that he could find himself to feel. And that was even more frustrating. He wanted to feel bad, he wanted to feel good. He wanted to feel anything besides loathing. It wasn’t fucking fair. 

He stared out the window, hoping that something, anything would come to him. But when it didn’t, he let himself think about things that upset him. He thought about Isak having to deal with him, thought about weighing him down, but there was nothing. He thought about Sonja, getting an abortion and terminating his chance at having a normal child. Nothing. He thought about his parents trying to control him, trying to make him take medication, taking him to therapy. Absolutely nothing at all. It wasn’t fucking fair. Feeling nothing made him hate himself so damn much. How could someone feel nothing? How was he literally just a shell of a human? How could he care about nothing? It wasn’t fair. It was all so fucked, it was like he wasn’t even human. 

“Fuck,” he mumbled to himself, hitting himself in the head a couple of times, hoping for a little bit of pain, but still nothing. He needed to sleep. Sleep was the only thing to make it go away. Maybe he could escape to the dream world. Maybe he could escape to nothing. But, he needed it. He needed it so goddamn much. 

He got up away from desk and went into his bed, rolling up in the blankets. Swaddled completely, closing his eyes and hoping for the best.  
*

**~Saturday Afternoon~**

Waking up without Even next to him was probably one of the worst things Isak experienced since they became a couple. It didn’t happen often, and when it did, Isak felt panicked, felt like he failed him, like he hadn’t kept his eyes on him and just let Even slip out from—literally—underneath him. Isak had slept into the afternoon, not even aware that Even had left. It made him feel selfish. Which, was kind of ridiculous, he was probably overreacting, but especially now with Even feeling so down he felt justified jumping out of bed and going into Even’s room to see if he was there. 

Of course, it didn’t make him feel much better to find Even asleep in his bed. It made him think that he’d been suffocating Even. Like Even was having too much of him and wanted his own space. Probably another overreaction, but still justified in his own mind. He didn’t know for sure where Even’s mind was at, but he would do anything to pull him out of what he was feeling. He knew that eventually, Even would pull through, he just hated waiting. Hated knowing that Even was hating on himself, feeling things so low that Isak could barely even wrap his head around it. 

He knew he probably shouldn’t, because Even had left him to be alone, but he walked over to him and ran his hand through his hair a couple of times. It was getting greasy, he needed to take a shower, but Isak didn’t care, leaning down and pressing a few soft kisses to his forehead. He whispered a quiet _I love you_ near his ear before he walked over to the window. It was open, making the room chilly. Probably because Even was in layers, wrapped up in blankets so tight that he probably couldn’t even move. Isak assumed that being wrapped up like that was comfortable because he was held together, safe, being hugged without having actual human contact. 

So, he left the window open and went into Even’s closet, grabbing one of his hoodies so he could have a hug of his own, then he sat at the desk. He tapped his fingers on the surface of the table for a few moments, before realizing that maybe that was too loud. Even always seemed so sensitive to everything when he was down. 

Isak stopped, leaning his elbow on the desk and looking over at Even from where he slept. He looked so precious, all wrapped up like that. Swaddled like a baby. A sleeping baby angel. Isak hoped he was somewhere happy, that hopefully sleep could take him somewhere happy since the waking world was doing no good for him. He hoped that letting him smoke the night before didn’t hinder his recovery. He hoped for Even to just feel better. To finally feel better. 

He hated that there was virtually nothing he could do for him. It made him feel so useless.

But, he wanted to try anyway. He was going to do what he could to hopefully pull Even out of this. So, he pulled a pen and a notebook out of the desk and started making two lists. The first was _Memories With Ev_ and the other mimicked Even’s own list: _things to tell Even_. He wasn’t creative and before he had gotten together with Even, he would have never considered himself a romantic or mushy, but he put his head down and let the words spill onto the page. It was so simple. 

 

**~Saturday Evening~**

Isak saved the lists, and started by getting Even some chamomile tea, slicing up a peach and making him cheese toasties. He sipped a little of the tea, and took a couple bites of the food then laid back down. All day long, Isak tried so hard to make him feel better. He tried to get him up, he tried to get him to play video games with him. He played some Nas on Even’s speakers. Tried to talk to him about anything he could think about.

But, Even was being difficult. 

The last time he was like this, Eskild had done something. Had pulled him out of the darkness and made him better. But, Isak wasn’t having any luck. What did Eskild do that Isak didn’t? What did Eskild have that Isak didn’t? Isak didn’t want to be jealous, but he kind of was. He wanted to be enough for Even, so bad. It was killing him that he wasn’t. 

He was supposed to know it wasn’t his fault. He certainly knew it wasn’t Even’s. But, there was something about what he felt for Even and how Even made him feel that just tore him up on the inside because he couldn’t get him to feel that way back. After what was probably the sixth time Even kicked him out of the room, Isak stood his ground and broke out the lists. He’d listened to him the other five times, had gone off to play video games with Ana, went for a walk, went into his room and texted Eskild or the boys. But, this time he just got up off the bed, as if he were going to leave, but walked over to the desk instead. 

“That doesn’t count,” Even said from his bed, watching Isak as he picked up his papers with the lists. “Please, Isak, just go.” 

“I know you don’t want me here, I do,” Isak said slowly, licking his lips and sitting down at the desk. “I get that it’s frustrating. But, Ev, baby, I want to help. Do you think, that maybe, I don’t know, I can _pull_ some feelings out of you? I made a couple lists. Things to tell you, like the one you made about me. Some memories. Good memories. Times when you helped me and I fell even harder for you. Can I read one of them? Or maybe just some of one of them?” 

“M’just going to make you feel bad,” Even groaned a little and then turned over, his back to Isak. “You’ll be over there pouring your heart out. And I’ll be over here, being an emotionless asshole. I don’t feel anything. I can’t feel anything. I’m sorry. I want to be able to feel like you do, but I can’t. Please. Please don’t make me make you feel bad.” 

“I’m not going to feel bad,” Isak said calmly, looking down at the list in his hands and then walking over to the bed, sitting on the edge and taking a deep breath. “I understand how you’re feeling, or not feeling, or whatever you want to call it. I won’t get hurt if it doesn’t help. If you still feel nothing. But, I think it’s better to try to help than to do nothing at all. So, can I please, just read you a couple of things that I seriously want you to know, feeling or not?”

“Fine, if it’ll make you feel better, read away. But just a couple.” 

“Okay,” Isak cleared his throat and looked over the list a couple of times, picking two bullet points that he thought made the most sense to say right then. “Maybe it’ll be too mushy and you’ll laugh about it, at least. So, uh, one here is: I like taking care of you. You don’t want me monitoring you and that’s fine. But, it gives me a whole new purpose. I wasn’t able to take care of my mom, and I hated that. But, you let me take care of you and it just makes me feel so good. So thank you for that.” Isak paused and looked over at Even for a moment to see if there was any reaction, but he was lying still. He took another deep breath before saying the next one. “The next one needs a little pretext. So, Eskild told me that saying forever puts a lot of pressure on our relationship, makes it stressful. But.. I think, well, fuck the pressure because you and I can handle it. I want to say forever. I want to say I’ll be with you forever because, right now, in this moment, I believe it. If we’re going minute by minute then saying forever makes sense. You’re my one true love and I want to be with you forever. For as long as you’ll have me.”

Even let out a sigh and then turned on his back, reaching out and taking the papers from Isak’s hands. Isak watched silently, watching as he eyes scanned over the words. 

“Can I...can I keep this for when I feel better?” Even asked quietly, folding the papers in half then looking up at Isak. Isak nodded. They were for him. He was going to have to explain some of them a little more, but it was for Even. “Okay, thank you. You can stay.”

Isak smiled and laid down beside him, looking over at him. Being able to stay was something. He’d take it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I strongly recommend looking up "24 Floors" by The Maine. I only put in the first couple sets of lyrics but it's great, especially in Evak's specific situation. If you're into that kind of music, anyway. Check it out anyway for more context. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiSzBmyX4eQ)


	17. Love Me Madly, Like Crazy is the New Sane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \This chapter is a little shorter than the most recent ones, but I believe what it lacks in quantity it makes up for in quality. I hope it makes up for the last chapter as well. Thank you so much to all of you who commented and sent love my way. I definitely needed it. 
> 
> I don't have any real warnings to speak of.

**~Sunday Afternoon~**

****

-Sonja-

****

****  


_Hey Isak, so the appointment is on Tuesday after you guys get out of school. Should I pick you up?_  
_ 12:54 _

_uh, yeah, that sounds good. It might just be me, though. 12:57_

_Oh, alright._  
 __  
12:58  


_is he okay?_  
_ 12:59 _

_Yeah, no worries. 13:01_

“Hey, baby, are you going to be okay to go to Sonja’s appointment on Tuesday? She wants to pick us up after school, but I can go if you won’t be up for it,” Isak told him from where he sat on the bed. Even was laying down, his head in Isak’s lap. His eyes were closed, but Isak could tell from his breathing that he was awake. He seemed like he might have been better, but Isak wasn’t sure whether or not this whole situation with Sonja was what set Even over the edge or not.

“No,” Even said immediately, opening his eyes and looking up at Isak. Isak had a hand in his hair, and was holding his phone in the other. He set down the phone and gently ran his hand through Even’s greasy locks a few times. “I’m not letting you take all the responsibility for this. It’s my fault and I’m going. No matter how I feel. But I’ll be fine.” 

“I really don’t mind, if you’re not up for it, it’s no big deal,” Isak said quietly, biting on his lip when he finished. He knew Even was going to be stubborn about it. He knew Even was going to that appointment. But he didn’t want him to do anything that was going to make things worse for him. It was hard to tell if he was going to be better. Even may have had a better estimate, but to Isak, the Even in his lap was unpredictable. Hot one minute, cold the next. He just had no way of knowing if that was a good sign or not. 

“I’m going, Isak,” Even said with finality before closing his eyes again. That was that and there was going to be no changing his mind. So, Isak wanted to try to make sure that he would be better by then. 

“Fine, then we’re spending some time out of bed today,” Isak said, pulling his fingers out of his hair and then running his hand over Even’s shoulder and down his chest. Getting him out of bed and moving while he still seemed like he might be better felt like a good way to try to make sure he’d stay up. Maybe it’d stop him from going cold again. “Starting with a shower. Can I shower with you?” 

“I don’t wanna,” Even said with a pathetic little whine that Isak couldn’t help but find slightly adorable. It made him seem younger, like he needed someone to tell him that he didn’t have the choice. Isak would gladly take that part. He loved to take care of Even.

“Even, we’re showering,” Isak said seriously before sliding his hand around Even’s back and forcing him to sit up. Even resisted a little for a moment but then sat up on the bed, waiting for Isak to get up and pull him up onto his feet. “No funny business, just getting clean. You’ll probably feel a little better afterwards. Then maybe we’ll go for a walk or something depending on how you feel. We’ll see.” 

“Fine,” Even groaned, crashing into Isak’s body and then letting him lead him down the hall. They grabbed towels and walked quietly down the hallway so that no one would notice them heading towards the bathroom together then locked the door as soon as they were inside. Isak turned on the water, making it hot before he started undressing. He looked over at Even and raised a brow as he dropped his pants. Even was watching him, that was something, Isak thought.

“Am I going to have to undress you, too, or what?” Isak asked, smiling small and walking over to Even. He tugged at his shirt a little and then Even raised his arms with a little smile. Maybe he wanted to be difficult. Maybe he just wanted to be taken care of. But, Isak didn’t care, he happily obliged and undressed Even fully. Isak even grazed his junk when taking off his boxers. 

“Hey, you said no funny business,” Even said, a little smile on his face. 

“Yeah, yeah, no funny business,” Isak rolled his eyes and then dropped his own boxers before leading him into the shower. He figured Even wasn’t even up for funny business, anyway. If he was, then Isak would let him initiate it. But, for now, he’d hold back and assume they’d get back there eventually. Once they were under the water, Isak let them soak for a few minutes before moving to stand behind Even. “Tilt your head back so I can wash your hair.” 

Even did as Isak asked and then Isak put some shampoo in his hand and started lathering away, massaging Even’s scalp for him while he washed out the grease that had built up from all of Even’s lazy days in bed. He felt Even relaxing under his touch and felt good that it seemed like he might have been doing something right for him. He’s been worried for so long that he had sent Even over the edge and that it was all his own fault. All he wanted to do was make up for it. All he wanted to do was make Even feel better again, bring him back to the charismatic and happy Even that the world around him knew. 

 

**~Sunday Evening~**

Isak had easily gotten Even to shower, but getting him to go out for a short walk afterward had been somewhat of a chore. Even wasn’t exactly back to being cold, but he wasn’t hot though. He was more of a lukewarm. Isak couldn’t tell whether or not he was helping him or not. They held hands and walked, Isak ever-wondering what was inside Even’s head but choosing to let him be. He hoped that if there was something plaguing him too much, he would talk to Isak about it. Even if he wanted to be alone when he was like this. Even if Isak might not understand what he meant. Isak wanted to know. He would always want to know. He would always want to help.

They needed to talk, that much was obvious to Isak. They needed a nice, long, full talk where they just spilled everything out into the air. Or a bunch of serious little talks, it didn’t matter. They just needed to talk. All of Even’s doubts, all of Isak’s doubts, how they both truly felt about what was happening with Sonja, and maybe even Jonas and Mikael at this point. There was so much more, too. Things like whether or not Even was still willing to take the next step with him and get an apartment together. Things like whether or not Even was mad at Isak for how he handled the peak of his episode. There was just so much and Isak wondered if Even was thinking about it at all. 

But Isak would be patient, he would wait until Even was in a better place. Maybe he’d even wait another week, after everything was over with Sonja and they could get back to worrying about only about the two of them. He’d be patient. But, no matter what, it would happen eventually.

After their walk, they played a myriad of video games with Ana, starting with FIFA until she was annoyed at Isak’s success. Then, they moved onto zombie killing game and ended up having to stop playing that because Isak was upset with Ana winning, and she was getting a little too mouthy about her success for Even’s parents in the other room. So, they ended up on the wholesome Mario Kart. 

(Except it wasn’t too wholesome.)

“What the helllllll, why can’t I get passed this guy?” Ana whined while they were on DK Mountain. She was standing up and getting close to the TV, something Even used to do when they played games like this. She was very focused, leaning forward as she was starting to push ahead. When she got hit by an object, and this time it was a red shell, making her fall behind once again, she’d groan and throw her hands up in the air,. “Ugh, shit!”

“Ana, you’re going to get us in trouble again,” Isak warned, reaching his leg out and tapping her on the hip with his foot. “Shut up.” 

“Seriously, though,” Even said from Isak’s side, before going back to sticking his tongue out to the side of is mouth, focusing on his first place position. Isak was right behind, and he liked to believe he could pull ahead, but he wasn’t going to try. He’d just let Even win. Maybe it’d be a bit of an ego boost. As Even crossed the finish line, he smiled and nudged Isak with his shoulder. “I bet we’re going to get a lecture about swearing in front of her.”

“You guys shut up, you’re winning,” Anna groaned and then slapped away Isak’s foot, trying to pull ahead against the computers who were still in the game, she moved even closer to the TV, almost blocking both Even and Isak’s views,“Stupid Wario, I can’t believe that asshole is in front of me.”

“That’s it,” Even said, pressing start and pausing the game, “I’m not getting in trouble for your swearing, we’re done.” 

“Ugh, why does it matter?” Ana pouted and crossed her arms over her chest, “It’s not like I’m hurting anyone. They’re just words, anyway. Everyone else uses them.”

“You do realize we’re, like twice your age, right?” Isak said, shaking his head and setting his controller down before standing up and stretching out a little, “Besides, if you say that sh—stuff at school, you’ll get in trouble. And your parents don’t want you swearing, listen to them.”

“You don’t.”

“Again, we’re like twice your age, but, on that note, we’re out of here,” Even shook his head and stood up, too. He took Isak’s hand and led him back into the room, making Isak smile a little to himself. Even was initiating touching him, wanting Isak to go with him places. Maybe forcing him out of bed had been a good idea. Isak wanted to take partial credit, although he knew he shouldn’t. It was really all Even, working his way out of his head. He was the one with the strength and the power to do it. Isak knew that. He was proud either way.

“I’ve gotta do my homework, anyway,” Isak shrugged at Ana as he let Even lead him back into Even’s bedroom. Once they were in there, Even let go of his head and went straight for the bed, collapsing on it face first. It was a little disheartening, because Isak would have loved a kiss or two now that they were alone, but he let it go and instead walked over to the bed and fell face-first on it next to Even. After laying there for just a few short moments, he turned his head to look at Even, whose face was still pressed into the mattress. “Who said you were allowed back in bed?”

Even slowly turned his head and quirked an eyebrow. A little, but enough to show Isak that he was curious, interested in the question, maybe even in Isak’s playful tone. Isak felt a little confidence in his teasing just from that look. He reached out and stroked his fingers through Even’s hair a couple of times before resting his hand on the side of his neck. 

“Have I exhausted you?” Isak asked gently, squirming his body a little bit closer to his boyfriend’s. “I hope you’re not mad that I made you get up.” 

“Nei, I needed it,” Even spoke, gentle too, quieting and then reaching up to press a hand to Isak’s back. “I am a little exhausted, but I’m not going to sleep. Or I probably won’t.”

“Hmm,” Isak rolled over on his back, turning his head once again to continue facing Even. “I know some activities that involve being in bed and not sleeping.”

“I, uh, don’t think I could,” Even cleared his throat and then shook his head, letting his hand roam up and around Isak’s chest now. Isak enjoyed the little touch, it was gentle and soothing. It wasn’t like he hadn’t touched Even in the last few days, but it really had been him touching Even and not the other way around. He missed the gentleness. Going without it made him realize the nuances. The way Even’s calloused fingers were somehow still smooth and light, tingling over his skin where he touched. The slight temperature difference from Even’s fingertips, palms, and wrists that would sometimes graze him when he was touching him. 

Yeah, Isak missed being touched in anyway, at all. 

“That’s okay,” Isak shrugged and squirmed closer once again until their shoulders were touching. “Maybe we could just kiss a little? Or if you don’t want to, that’s fine. I just miss your lips. Just a little, or maybe a lot.” Isak reached up and traced Even’s lips with his thumb a few times, pressing just a little bit harder every time his thumb made a complete circle around them. Even took a moment and then nodded, Isak’s thumb slipping a little and grazing his teeth. 

Isak just smiled and slid his hand up his jaw, tangling his fingers in the hair on the side of Even’s head and turning on his side to get better access to Even’s lips. They pressed together lightly at first, moving slow and barely touching, Isak savoring every light little tingle it sent through his face muscles. He held back his smile and let the kiss go further, pressing harder but mostly following Even’s lead as their lips overlapped—lest he overstep and Even get mad at him. Even found a pace and kept at it, sliding his hand up to the back of Isak’s neck and gripping onto it as the two boys remembered what it was like when they were connected without bothering to think about anything other than the boy in their arms. 

 

 **~Monday Morning~**  
*  
Even probably should have thanked Isak for making him get out of bed on Sunday. For making him shower and getting him to move around some more. At first, it was kind of awful, his body and mind screaming at him and telling him he needed to get back into bed until the numb was over on its own terms. But, after a few minutes in the shower with Isak, letting him lather shampoo through his hair for him, he started to feel a little better. Like, he could force himself out of the dark space if he just kept at it. So, he helped Isak wash up too and just continued doing the things Isak wanted to do. 

But now, Isak told him he should stay home, not go to school. And he wasn’t going to do that. He wasn’t going to listen to _everything_ Isak told him just because some of the things he wanted to do worked. He didn’t know all of the ways Even’s mind worked. Isak didn’t know everything about being bipolar. Sometimes, Even thought he should probably tell Isak that. Tell him that he wasn’t the boss of him. Even though he knew Isak was trying to be helpful, he didn’t always know the best thing. 

That’s why he waited for Isak to leave and then got ready for school, anyway. He’d be late to his first class, but he would still get to go to some classes. Get to get out of bed and out of the house. He may have still been a little tired, he still may have not been in the perfect mindset to go to class and be around all those people who were going to expect him to be his usual, outgoing self. But, he was in a right enough mind to be able to deal with it. He was pretty damn sure. Isak didn’t get it and Even didn’t want to get into a fight with him about it, so he just let him think like he was staying home. He wouldn’t fight with him at school, so it seemed like a safe enough plan. 

So, as soon as he thought the house was silent, that he was alone, he got out of bed and got ready for the day, dawning on a few extra layers than usual so that he would feel wrapped up, safer. That always helped when he was feeling the way he was. Then he had a peach and a cup of tea while he waited for the next bus that would be scheduled to come. 

Ten minutes before it was due to arrive, he gathered all the things he’d need for the day and left to get ot the bus stop in time. He only waited for two minutes before it arrived, but he already felt a little on edge, fiddling with the rock Isak gave him in his pocket as he took a few deep breaths with his eyes closed. He focused on the cold hitting his face and the cars that seemed too noisy as they drove by. By the time the bus showed up, he almost convinced himself that Isak was right and turned back around. 

Instead though, he took the rock out of his pocket and admired it, thinking of the sparkle in Isak’s eyes and all of his strength. Even thought he could summon Isak’s strength through the rock, holding it, squeezing it, and kissing it once he got on the bus. The rock might not work all day long, but he had Isak at lunch, and his secret weapon, the lists that Isak had made for him. He hadn’t looked back at them since the night Isak read a couple of bullet points out loud to him. But when he skimmed them before stuffing them in his bag, he couldn’t help but smile. 

They would get him through the day. Because, Isak may not have known everything that was right for him, but he certainly hit the nail on the head with those lists.  
*

**~Monday Lunch~**

Isak had gotten a text from Even to go to their windowsill at lunch. He said he had a surprise waiting their for him. Suffice it to say that Isak wasn’t all that surprised to find Even sitting there with a bag of skittles in hand and a smile just for Isak. Of course, he didn’t know when Even got there, or why he was there, but he really was glad to see him. It was always difficult going all day without him. Even if it was his idea that Even stayed home, he’d always find himself wanting him around just halfway through his first class. They had texted all day, which wasn’t too different than usual, but it wasn’t enough. 

“Baby,” Isak said with a smile, walking up to him in just a couple of long strides and wrapping his arms around Even’s neck. “What are you doing here? Visiting me on lunch? Don’t you think you’ll get in trouble or something.”

“Isak, I’ve been here all day,” Even said with a little smile of his own, setting his bag of skittles on the windowsill then putting his hands on Isak’s waist. To Isak’s surprise, with ease, Even lifted him up and sat him down on the windowsill beside the skittles. “Besides my first class. I know you wanted me to stay home, but I couldn’t and I didn’t want to fight. But, look, I’m fine.” 

“You seem, like, a million times better,” Isak said with a smile. He wasn’t mad that Even had gone against his wishes, but he definitely would have been worried if he left him for his first class this morning. He was basically a new person at this point. Isak couldn’t help but tilt his head back, part his lips, and silently ask for a kiss. Even smiled and happily obliged, pressing a gentle and slow kiss to Isak’s lips for just a few moments before pulling away. 

“You know, I want to thank you for helping me,” Even said almost immediately, before their lips were even off each other, his voice gentle and quiet, mimicking the feel, the tenderness of the kiss. “Seriously, you’re a lot of help, you really are. It’s just that you don’t know _everything_ that’s good for me, okay? I know that it’s probably a fine line and that it may be hard to tell when you’re crossing it but you’re just going to have to trust me sometimes.”

“I trust you all the time, Ev,” Isak sighed a little. What Even was saying made sense, and he definitely understood what he meant by a fine line, and that in the end, it was _always_ Even’s decision on what he was going to do with himself. “It’s just hard because I want to help you as much as I can, I really do. But, you’re right. Maybe there are some boundaries we need to talk about? Because I don’t want to be like your parents. I don’t want you to grow to resent me for overstepping. I want to be better.” 

“Hey, I’ll never resent you,” Even said, still gentle. If he was at all upset that they had to have this conversation, it wasn’t showing. He was just calm, pressing loving fingers to Isak’s jaw and sliding them back to his ear as his held the side of his face. “But, yeah, we can talk about boundaries for sure. But, the number one rule is just listen to me and trust me.” 

“Well, if I listened to you all the time and trusted what you said all the time, we’d be broken up right now…”

“Isak,” Even sighed and then abruptly let go of him, spinning around and running a hand through his hair. Isak watched him as he took a few moments before turning back around, “No, I guess that was fair. I guess you’re right. I guess… Well, I’m not always in my right mind when I’m manic. I guess maybe that’s when you take a step back and maybe not listen to me or at least question me. I’m incredibly sorry I did that, you know. I hope I didn’t hurt you too much.” 

“It’s okay, I’m fine,” Isak shrugged a little, biting his lip and looking at the ground for a moment. The worry when it happened was a lot more painful than he would ever tell Even. But he had made himself believe it was just the mania talking. It probably would have hurt a lot more if Even had decided to keep it that way, because Isak had convinced himself that everything would be okay...and it wouldn't be okay if Even wanted to leave him. “I guess though, that that’s another boundary, though. I mean, I called your Dad and that’s what upset you. And I called him because I was worried, but I should be able to handle these things on my own because someday we’ll live alone and your Dad won’t always be around to help me out when you...uh, get like that.” 

“I know I was mad at the time, but I’m glad you did call him,” Even said quietly and then took a seat next to Isak on the windowsill, picking up the skittles as he did. “I worry that I would have hurt you. I worry that someday I will hurt you. I know that makes it hard for us. I want to believe we’ll figure it out on our own, but I don’t know. I’ll never forgive myself if I hurt you, Isak.” 

“Is there something I can do? I could start working out and get all muscle-y,” Isak raised a brow, he was half joking, half serious. He wanted to believe that Even wouldn’t ever actually hurt him. He wanted to believe that they could do this on their own. But, Even said to listen to him and if Even was worried about it, maybe Isak should be too. He wanted them to talk about this, be real about this so that they could move forward. He didn’t want to take steps back every time Even had an episode. “I want to think you wouldn’t hurt me.” 

“My Dad isn’t exactly muscle-y, babe,” Even laughed lightly and shook his head, looking up at the ceiling for a moment before turning his head and looking at Isak. He reached out and took his hand, kissing it a couple of times. “He just knows his strength, he knows my strength and he’s not afraid he’s going to hurt me. You have to stop being afraid of hurting me when I’m like that and start being afraid of me hurting you. Be tough, be stern. Be the grumpy Isak, not the lovey Isak. I think that’ll help a lot.” 

“I feel like I should be taking notes,” Isak joked and squeezed Even’s hand, kissing it in return before leaning into him and nuzzling his nose against Even’s. “I believe we’re going to figure this out. I think we’ll be okay on our own. I’ll just keep listening to you and we’ll just work on doing everything for each other and it’ll be perfect. I know it.” 

There was still more that they had to talk about, but this was a good start. 

 

 **~Monday Evening~**  
*  
It felt like Even and Isak had so much to catch up on. Being Down made him feel like he’d been away for years on end. Everything else moved forward while he was gone, and when he came back, he’d expect it to be the same, but it wasn’t. It was slightly different. Isak was slightly different and Even wanted to take the time to re-memorize him. To feel every crevice of his body to decide whether or not it was actually different. To explore his thoughts inside his brain and to decide if whether or not he had matured from the experience, from their distance. 

So when Ana asked for a guitar lesson, he gave her a few sheets of music and told her she knew enough to practice on her own for the day. Then, he went into Isak’s room with him and pulled him on the bed, cuddling up to him, running his fingers through his hair, and just taking in his scent. Their legs tangled up together and their hands roamed around each other’s bodies as they nuzzled up together, clothes fully intact in this wonderfully intimate cuddle session. 

It made Even feel brand new. 

“I missed this,” Isak coo’d into Even’s ear as the sides of their faces pressed up together. Even felt kind of bad about it. It wasn’t that Even didn’t miss this. It was just that he didn’t realize he missed it until the numbness faded away. Twenty-four hours ago, if Isak had asked him if he missed being pressed up against him like this, well he probably would have said no. Because, at the time, he hadn’t felt anything. Not longing or reminiscent. Just. Nothing. And, he’d kept Isak from it. If Isak had a normal boyfriend, then he wouldn’t ever have to miss this. 

“Me too,” Even said quietly into Isak’s ear, nuzzling his nose into his cheek and letting out a little sigh. It was true, now that he realized he missed it, that he could feel he missed it, he missed it in full. With all of Isak’s body pressed up against his own, he knew he missed it more than he could even comprehend. “M’sorry.” 

“Don’t be sorry—” Isak began to speak, pulling away ever so slightly when suddenly, there was a knock at the door. 

“Are you boys decent in there?” Josefine’s voice rang through the door as it slowly swung open. Both boys pulled apart and sat up, still sitting close. Even couldn’t help but leave a hand on Isak’s thigh as his parents entered the room. 

“Seriously?” Even let out another sigh, this one much larger and agitated. “You can’t just ask if we’re decent and open the door without waiting for an answer. What if we weren’t decent? Then all four of us would be mortified.” 

“Oh,” Josefine said quietly, her cheeks blushing ever-so slightly, “No, well. In my defense, we were pretty certain that everyone was decent. I’ll wait for an answer next time. We just wanted to come in and check up on you. While I realize that you haven’t been so happy with us lately, Even, we do still love you. We don’t like seeing you go through...all of this. We get worried.” 

“Don’t be,” Even shrugged and then squeezed Isak’s thigh, looking at him with a smile and a little flick of his eyebrows, “Isak’s got it covered. I’m okay. We’re working on all of this together.” 

“Well, that’s great, son,” Martin said, leaning against the doorway right behind Josefine. It was obvious that she had led this ambush. He just passively went along with it. Even supposed that was their permanent dynamic. “But, it’s not like it’s still not worrisome. These episodes could get worse, out of control. If you don’t take care of yourself properly, well, who knows what might happen. I know that none of us want to see you back in the hospital.”

“If you’re trying to get me to take the medication again, no,” Even groaned and then tilted his head back against the wall, hitting it slightly. “I’m sick of having this argument every time I have an episode. It never changes. I’m not going to change my mind _unless_ something turns out really bad. Unless I feel like there’s no other option. But I’m fine. I’m handling it. We’re handling it. And you’re going to have to deal with that.” 

“Isak, don’t you feel—” Marianne began. 

“I’m just going to trust whatever Even says,” Isak cut her off, shaking his head a little before looking at Even, who lifted his head and met his hopeful gaze. “I think we have to trust that he’s the only one who knows what’s going on in his head. I have to trust that he knows when it’s not something he can control on his own anymore. I’m sorry. It’s not like I’m trying to be difficult. It’s not like he’s trying to be difficult, we just have to trust. And, I know he’s told you that before. It’s time to believe it.” 

“Well, what about therapy? Have you talked to him about that?” Josefine asked Isak, looking at Isak alone and referring to Even like he wasn’t even in the room. Fuck. Had Isak and Josefine talked about sending Even off to therapy again? Plotting behind Even’s back?

“I haven’t had a chance to talk to him about it,” Isak sighed and then looked over at Even a little apologetically. So they had talked about it. 

“Then we should leave you boys to it,” Josefine said with a smile before ushering Martin out of the room with nothing else left to say. 

“I feel attacked,” Isak said, shaking his head once then were out of the room. He looked at Even nervously and then let out a sigh. “I wasn’t going to make you go to therapy, I was just going to suggest it again. I was thinking that I could go with you, or maybe I could even talk to someone myself about the insomnia and whatever, that way you don’t feel alone in it. But, you don’t have to, no pressure. It might help get some control over your episodes, I don’t know. I’ll trust what you want to do, either way.” 

“Then… I’ll think about it.”  
*

**~Tuesday Lunch~**

“Where are Magnus and Mahdi?” Isak asked as he joined the table with Even and Jonas. Jonas was sitting on the side of the table where Mahdi and Magnus usually sat, and Isak was pretty sure he was running late, so it was a surprise that the other two weren’t already present. 

“Mags is spending lunch with Vilde today,” Jonas shrugged and then sipped his pop before giving another shrug, “I’m not sure about Mahdi but my guess is he’s with Unni. She had lunch with us yesterday, actually.”

“What happened to the slow burn?” Even asked, raising an eyebrow and wrapping his arm around Isak’s shoulders as he took his seat. 

“If anyone’s giving a slow burn, it’s Unni,” Jonas said with a laugh, “Mahdi’s trying to be this tough guy, acting like he doesn’t care about relationships and shit, but he’s so into her. I assume she’s into him too, or else I don’t know why she would’ve sat around listening to Magnus talk about his and Vilde’s sex life yesterday. You guys are lucky to have missed it, to be honest.”

“Yikes,” Isak laughed a little, leaning into Even and looking across the table at Jonas, “You do realize you’re the only one who eats at this table without someone else to spend lunch with. What happens if one day, the rest of us don’t show up and you’re all alone?”

“Ouch,” Jonas laughed a little and put a hand to his chest, “Well, I have other friends, kind of. I’m not worried.”

“And you seriously, like one hundred percent don’t want to date someone, exclusively?” Even asked, nuzzling the side of his face against Isak’s in a show of how nice being exclusive could be. “Because, you know, I’d bet like a million dollars that Mikael would come spend lunch with you, like, every single day. If you wanted. If you were a couple.” 

“Oh, come on,” Jonas rolled his eyes and sat back with a little sigh, “Nei, I don’t need a relationship. I don’t need anyone to eat lunch with, honestly. I mean, Mikael is great, and I feel like you want to vouch for him or whatever, but I don’t know. Why do you want me to be with him so bad, anyway? I mean, well...is it because it’s easier for you to be over him if he’s with someone else? Like, straight up, Even, what do you feel for Mikael? Are you actually over him?”

“What kind of a question is that?” Even asked a little defensively, his hand tightening on Isak’s arm. 

“What kind of an answer is that?” Jonas almost spat back, an eyebrow quirking upward. He eyes slid to Isak, who was kind of frozen at the transaction. He really wasn’t sure whether or not the two of them were on good terms. He wasn’t sure whether or not there wouldn’t ever be some sort of animosity between them. Even if Jonas and Mikael became a thing and everyone was spoken for. It just felt like it may always be a thing between them, 

“No,” Even said quietly, shaking his head and then looking at Jonas seriously. He shrugged a little and sighed, keeping his eyes locked with Jonas’. Isak wasn’t sure whether or not one of them was going to leap across the table for the other, but he felt tense, ready to stop a fight. “No, I don’t have _those_ kinds of feelings for Mikael. I think...I think I’ll always care about him, he’s my friend and I know him better than I know most of my friends. But, relationship-wise? We grew apart. Sometimes lovers become friends and friends become lovers.”

“You didn’t need to go full Shakespeare on me, you know,” Jonas said, his expression softening as he smiled at the two of them. “I just wanted to make sure, is all. For Isak. For Mikael.”

“Mhm,” Even said a little skeptical before turning to look at Isak with a brow raised. “Were you worried about my feelings for Mikael?” 

“I’d be more worried about his feelings for _you_ ,” Isak told him honestly and then pressed a kiss to the side of his lips. “Also, if we’re just throwing things out there, I suppose I’d also be more worried about your feelings for Sonja. You know, especially with everything that’s going on.”

“Everything that’s going on?” Jonas asked, both eyebrows going up now as he leaned forward with curiosity. Isak had forgotten that basically everything that was going on was contained within the three of them and Sonja’s doctor—with the exceptions of Eskild and Sana, but Isak thought for sure it would have gotten around because of that by now. It was kind of shocking that they had handled it without their entire squad knowing. The girls had known that Even needed a pick-me-up when they had their wine night, but they never actually spilled on why.

“Ah, yeah, there’s some shit,” Isak shrugged, looking at Even because he didn’t really think Even wanted what was going on put on blast. Especially not with Jonas. 

“She’s pregnant,” Even just said with a shrug, looking up at the ceiling then down at Jonas. “But, yeah, she’s getting an abortion and everything’s going to go back to normal.” He paused and then looked at Isak, “I don’t have any feelings for her, though. It was really only ever just sex.”

 

 **~Tuesday Afternoon~**  
*  
“So basically everything is set,” The Doctor told the three of them as they sat in the same room as last week. This time, she had three chairs ready, so Even was sat in the middle of Isak and Sonja, holding Isak’s hand and glancing at Sonja every so often. She seemed like stone, set in the matter at hand. Which was good, it was much easier for Even to let go of all of this knowing that she was okay with it too. While he didn’t have feelings for Sonja as a girlfriend or anything romantic, he did have other sorts of feelings. Like, if she was his baby’s mother, which she kind of was right then..well he cared about where she was at mentally. If this was eating at her, if she wasn’t sure that it was something she wanted to do, then Even wouldn’t have been able to let her go through with it. 

So, the fact that this seemed like she wanted to do was good. Even though there was a part of Even that thought that she didn’t want the baby _because_ it was his and that ate him up immensely. Made him feel bad about himself and the idea of him being a father in the future. He wouldn’t ask her. He couldn’t ask her, she would lie anyway. So he just had to go with the fact that she didn’t want the baby and that was all that mattered. He couldn’t let his mind linger on why. He’d already done that. He’d already sent himself into an episode.

“Awesome, I’m so glad to finally be done with this,” Sonja said with a little sigh, “It’s been stressful. But, I’m positive that I...that we have made the right decision.” 

“That’s good, it’s always good to hear that you’re sure of your decision,” The Doctor told her with a small smile, looking around the room, “You wouldn’t want to be uncertain then find out later that you think you’ve made the wrong decision after it’s happened. Of course, it’s not that you couldn’t conceive again if you did. Maybe it wouldn’t be uh...the same unique circumstances. But, you’ll always have a chance after this. So, I’ll write you your prescription, you’ll go grab it and then you can take it. Of course, you don’t have to take it today but you have to in the next couple of days, it’ll grow less effective with time. I’ll be calling out to you in the next four days if I don’t hear from you first.”

“Okay, yeah,” Sonja nodded and smiled, “I’ll call you if anything seems wrong or whatever and yeah. Easy okay.” Even couldn’t help but feel like Sonja was rushing all of this, that she wanted to get up and out of the room and take this pill and just fucking do it already. She probably just wanted to be rid of Even and Isak. Or maybe just Even. She’d been talking about all of this through Isak, she never spoke directly to Even about it unless they were forced to by the Doctor. 

He probably should have just sent Isak alone like he offered. At least it would have saved him from over analyzing the situation. Over analyzing Sonja’s thoughts about her decision, about her rush, about everything. 

“Thank you again,” Isak said to the Doctor, standing up and offering her hand to shake. “You’ve been a great help.” Everyone else followed in suit, and as soon as Sonja had the prescription, the three of them were heading out. 

“So, did you want us to be there with you? We have the afternoon free,” Isak asked Sonja. The three of them were walking to her car together, assuming that Even and Isak were heading home with Sonja to be with her while all of this happened. To do this with her. To make it all finally go away. It’d probably be the last time they saw her on purpose. Because, then there would be no more ties to her.

“Oh, well, actually,” Sonja shrugged, getting to her car and leaning up against it, “I told my friend Camilla. Do you remember her? She was in our bio class. Anyway, I told her about it and asked her to be with me since, you know, this is a little awkward?” 

“Oh, are you sure?” Even asked, shoving his hands in his pockets and standing across from her next to the car. “I never wanted to put all of this on you. I mean, it’s as much my fault, you know.” 

“It’s fine, Even, I can do this, it’s all going to be okay,” Sonja shrugged and put a hand on his shoulder. It was the actual only contact they had since their breakup. They’d been steering clear of touching. She’d been steering clear of talking to him directly. He wasn't sure if it was because they were afraid of the physical attraction they had previously shared, or if it was Sonja being afraid of Even after everything that had happened. But, it was just so weird, having her looking him in the eyes and touching his shoulder and telling him that all of this bullshit was going to be okay. 

He wanted to believe it, despite the nagging in his gut that told him he wanted to go with her and continue taking responsibility for this. 

“Okay, sure,” He sighed and shook his head. “Alright, I’ll text you in the next couple days then. Just check up on the situation or whatever. Uh, thanks for being so cool through this?”

“You too,” Sonja said quietly and then pulled him into a hug, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing him tight. Even hesitantly wrapped his arms around her too, squeezing her back. It kind of felt like goodbye. Even didn’t really like goodbyes, but he tried to take it. Tried to make sure that this moment was solidified with him being stable for once. If it was goodbye, he didn’t want to leave Sonja with the picture of him as this mentally unstable guy. He’d rather she just remember him as the Even before the episode that ended up breaking them up. 

When the two of them pulled away, they offered each other smiles and then went on their ways.  
*

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay, babe?” Isak asked Even, setting down his pencil and getting up. Isak was doing his homework at the desk and Even was on the floor next to his bed, all of his work scattered out—and he had had a bit to makeup on. He had actually been into doing his homework when Isak suggested it, which was odd. What was more odd was how quiet he had been since they started. Usually he was the one pausing and asking Isak random questions or telling him some random thought that came to mind. But, today, Isak was the one taking on that role. “You’re awfully quiet over there.”

“Yeah, it’s fine, I’m fine,” Even sighed a little and then looked up from whatever work he was doing. “Well, I’m trying to be. I’m trying not to think about it too much.”

“Trying not to think about Sonja?”

“Yeah, well, it’s not like I’m not okay with her decision, you know,” Even twirled his pen between his fingers, leaning up against the side of the bed as he spoke. “I know _I’m_ definitely not ready to have a kid. There’s so much more I want to do. So much more I want us to do. But it’s just...well...I mean, don’t you think she seemed rushed? Like, she wanted this done. She wanted me out of her life. I mean, I wasn’t hallucinating that, was I?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say she _didn’t_ seem rushed,” Isak said slowly, trying to think about the words before he spoke them, trying to make sure he said the right thing. “But, I don’t think it had anything to do with you. She’s probably not ready for a kid yet, either. I’m sure she has a lot more she wants to do, too.”

“Or maybe she didn’t want _my_ kid,” Even looked away when he said that. “And, I get it. I’m a mess. It’s just…”

“Even, no, we are not going to go on about your genetics again,” Isak shook his head and then got up, walking over and kneeling down next to Even. He put his hand on his cheek and turned his head to look at him head-on. “Everyone has something screwy in their genes. Humans are flawed, no one’s perfect. I don’t think Sonja wanting to get this over with has anything to do with you.” 

“I want to believe you…”

“Well, I’ll remind you every day for the rest of our lives if I have to,” Isak nodded, “If you’re really having a hard time believing it, then maybe I’ll repeat myself so many times that you’ll get sick of it. But I’ll do it. I would love to someday have a kid that had your genetics. There’s nothing wrong with you and there would be nothing wrong with your offspring.” 

 

 **~Tuesday Evening~**  
*  
_Even left his house, his home with Isak. It was the perfect place for the two of them while Isak finished up University and Even worked on small projects with local businesses for commercials to build his video resume. Life seemed good, life seemed great. Everything seemed to finally be going as planned._

_Except, lately, he was realizing that Isak was staying out studying later and later. Even felt the suspicion in his bones. He felt the truth every single place in his body. Isak had finally done it. Isak had finally found someone else. Someone better for him. Someone who wasn’t fucked up and wouldn’t turn him away when his mind fucked him over. The new guys’ mind probably didn’t even fuck him over. Even bet that he had rockstar good looks. He bet he had washboard abs and long, dark hair. Even might beat him in height, but that was probably all there was._

_He didn’t exactly know how he knew where to go, where to find him, but his feet took him. They took him down the longest stretch of road he’d ever encountered and then finally stopped at a cul de sac. He found himself staring at a house. A big, white house with blue shutters and yellow curtains on the inside. It had a white picket fence and roses planted in the front yard. It was a classic home. The one so many people dreamed of having. He never knew that Isak dreamed of having one too, but now, looking at the house, he did. He could feel it. He could feel Isak’s smile every day as he approached the house, every day the he turned the key in the lock and shouted out a sing-song “Honey, I’m home.”_

_Maybe this was Isak’s real home. Maybe the place they shared, where they slept in the same bed, was just a rouse. Maybe Isak just kept it up because he was afraid to leave Even. Afraid to send him over the edge. Maybe he stayed out of guilt. He always said he never was able to help his mother and that he wanted to help Even and maybe he didn’t want to have to say he gave up on him. Maybe he just didn’t want to be like his Dad._

_Even couldn’t help but feel his heart being torn to shreds before he was even certain. He tried to hold himself together. He tried to keep his calm as he strode up to the big, blue front door. When he got there, he didn’t even think to knock. He just turned the knob and invited himself in. He figured that it’d be best to catch him in the act so that Isak didn’t have to go on lying. To see him there, lying in bed half naked with some other guy might literally kill Even, but it was what needed to happen. If he knocked, his mistress would answer and the lies would go on. Even wouldn’t have that._

_The first thing he heard was his voice. Isak was reading a kids book. So, his guy must have been older, he must have had kids. Isak must have been taking over in some sort of other paternal role. It made sense. If Isak wanted kids, there was no absolute he was going to want Even’s. He could say it all he wanted but at the end of the day, his genes were corrupt, unfit to pass on._

_Even peeked his head through the room where his voice was coming from. He saw Isak sitting on a big, brown leather couch, a little girl with long, blonde locks in his lap as he continued reading to book. The other guy was nowhere in site. Even couldn’t help but stare, his heart already aching as tears started streaming down his face. Isak was so good with her, reading and letting her turn the pages, point at the pictures and speak in short little sentences._

_”Even? What are you doing here?” Her voice came from behind him, but he knew who she was before he saw her face. The voice wasn’t someone he’d heard in about four years, but it rang clear like it was yesterday. Even spun around, his heart dropping even more at the entire situation. Looking into Sonja’s eyes, seeing the shock and worry in her face told him everything he needed to know. He looked back in the room at Isak and the little girl. She could have easily been three years old. That could have easily been his child._

_”Me? What is Isak doing here?” Even asked, tears refusing to stop streaming down his face, “That’s not my...is that my daughter?”_

_”Biologically, sure,” Sonja said like it was nothing, “But Isak is the only Dad she knows.” She took Even’s hand and led him into the room where Isak and the little girl sat. Isak looked up and sat there in a shocked surprise as the little girl looked up, too. Sure enough, Even was met with familiar blue eyes. The ones he saw in the mirror every morning. His eyes. Sonja had had his kid. Sonja had never told him about it. Isak knew. Isak had never said a word. Instead, Isak was playing dad. But why?_

_”What is going on here?”_

_”Even, you would have never been a good Dad, let’s face it,” Isak said bluntly, the little girl in his lap nodding along. Even would have expected those words out of Sonja, but never Isak. Sonja joined the two on the couch and Isak wrapped his arm around her shoulder while the little girl snuggled up right in the middle of their two laps. “You not stable enough, you’ll never be, Even. But we couldn’t tell you that, Even. So we’ve been raising her on our own, Even. But, I guess it’s time you know, Even. Because I’m leaving you, Even. You will never be a father, Even. Even, Even, Even…”_

" **Even** , wake up!” Suddenly, Even was in the darkness of Isak’s room, being shaken awake by the boy beside him. “Even, you’re having a bad dream. Baby, it’s okay, whatever it is, it isn’t real. Wake up.” 

Even opened his eyes all the way and met Isak’s. He could feel the cold streaks on his cheeks that gave away the fact that he'd been crying. The dream had just been so vivid. Even still felt shaken, felt his world rocking, his heart aching as it raced out of his chest. Isak had fingers gently coursing through his hair and a hand on his shoulder that stopped shaking him when he realized Even was awake.

“Hey, baby,” Isak said gently, moving his hand from his shoulder and using the back of his fingers to wipe away the tears underneath Even’s eyes. Even was trying to calm down, focus on his breathing, but he suddenly felt worried. There was no way the dream was true. Sonja and Isak weren’t plotting behind his back. They couldn’t be. He needed to make himself believe it. He couldn’t just make Isak say it out loud, he’d sound like a lunatic. “You’re okay. It was just a bad dream. It wasn’t real. Just relax. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Well, I…” Even’s voice shook and cracked, and then all he could do was shake his head. He knew he only had one left, but he needed a cigarette. He needed a cigarette and all of the kisses Isak could give him as a distraction. He slowly pushed away and got up, going to Isak’s drawer and grabbing the pack. He pulled out the last cigarette and looked over at Isak with a little shrug before propping open the window and leaning up against it. He lit it and took a couple puffs before looking back at him. “Maybe...maybe we can talk about it tomorrow, yeah?” 

“Whenever you think is best,” Isak nodded his head and got up out of bed too, leaning against the windowsill with him and wrapping his arm around Even’s back. He rested his head on Even’s shoulder and just stayed there quietly, breathing in Even’s secondhand smoke as he he dragged away at his last cigarette.  
*

 **~Wednesday Lunch~**

“Magnus says we _have to_ come to lunch today,” Isak sighed. He and Even both wanted to meet at the windowsill. He figured Even was going to talk to him about that nightmare he’d had the night before. But, Magnus seemed serious, seemed like it was the most important thing in the world that they were in attendance at their usual lunch table today. “But, I can tell him we have more important things to do if you want to talk about anything...like that dream or whatever…”

“While I’d love to spend lunch here with you, alone, I suppose it’s only fair we see what he has to say,” Even said, his lower lip pouting ever-so slightly. “I can tell you about it whenever and you can bug me about it if you think I’m pushing it back. I...I actually want to tell you about it because I don’t ever want to have it again…” 

“Okay, then I’ll hold you to it,” Isak said with a little nod. Even wasn’t always so open about things going on in his brain because he was worried about everyone blaming the different feelings he was having on him being bipolar. He’d rather just show off his happy, charismatic side all the time. He and Isak talked a good deal, but Isak felt like it had always been about himself. He was glad Even was starting to really open up to him, to tell him what was bothering him. He thought that was important. It made his heart swell a little more with the love he felt for him, “But, can we just linger here for a moment? I want a kiss.”

“Mm, I can never turn that down,” Even said with a smile, immediately taking Isak by the jaw and tilting his head upward. Isak surged up and Even leaned down, closing the short distance for their lips to touch. Their lips pressed together and slowly overlapped, Even’s tongue almost immediately surging into Isak’s mouth. Isak liked that it didn’t take long for them to fall back into their old habits after all the time Even had spent being cold. After all the space Isak had been forced to give him. He was just so happy that finally he was able to melt into him like this again. To forget about everything else except the two of them. 

Isak let it linger, wrapping his arms around Even’s neck and leaning up against the windowsill behind him. Even didn’t seem to mind, didn’t seem to want to leave the embrace as he stepped closer, two of his feet caging one of Isak’s. They were now pressed together, love and passion soaring through them while their tongues collided and their lips moved slow. Isak couldn’t help but groan as he felt Even finally starting to retreat. 

“Can’t Magnus tell us whatever the hell he wants to tell us any other time?” Isak pouted, tightening his arms around Even’s neck to keep him from pulling away completely. Their mouths were still close, Even’s breath on his face. 

“I think the argument there isn’t over whether or not Magnus can talk to us any other time, babe,” Even laughed a little, squeezed Isak’s hips and then started to pull back. Isak tried to keep him close, resisting for a second or two before finally letting him take a step back. “I think the argument is that you and I can do this _whenever_ we want. I’ll make it up to you later. But, you can beat up Mags if it isn’t worth it.” 

It wasn’t worth it. 

As soon as they sat down at the table with the other three boys—Isak taking a seat in Even’s lap because he just really wanted to be close to him—Magnus went on about the squad meeting Even and Isak missed the day before. Isak thought that knowing what parties were going on for the weekend was pointless at this point. He’d have heard about it from one of the boys by Friday, anyway. 

“Yeah, okay, pregame at yours on Friday,” Isak nodded. He assumed that Even would want to go to a few parties over the weekend, get back out and just let loose for a night or two, so he agreed that he’d go too. “We’ll go, we’ll be there. Is that really why you needed us here? Because you literally could have just texted me that.”

“Well I’m sorry you two are too in love to hang out with your friends at lunch anymore,” Magnus said, only half joking and Isak kind of felt offended by it. Magnus didn’t know the half of it. He didn’t know that Isak had to wake Even up from a nightmare the night before. He didn’t know Even had been crying his eyes out in his sleep. He didn’t know why Isak felt like he needed to be alone with Even. And, it wasn’t like Magnus wasn’t starting to ditch the boys for Vilde, either. It felt kind of like a double standard. “Besides, that’s not even everything. Which, you would know if you listened instead of just cuddling up to your boyfriend and ignoring the rest of us.”

“You don’t have to be a dick about it,” Isak said defensively, turning in Even’s lap and looking at Magnus. “Seriously, you weren’t even here yesterday and you’re ragging on _us_ about not being around? You don’t know why we were planning on being alone. You don’t know anything. So, seriously, fuck the fuck off.”

“Whoa, Isak, chill,” Magnus put up his hands in defense and shook his head a little, “I am just saying, I mean, you guys _live_ together and we don’t ever see you anymore. You’d rather be in your gay bubble than go to parties and it’s just like, what the fuck. I mean, no offense, Jonas—”

“Offense taken,” Jonas said immediately, not letting Magnus finish, “Seriously, Magnus, do you think before you speak? You literally have multiple gay friends and you still say homophobic shit. And, maybe you miss your friend and I get it, I do, but seriously, you don’t know shit about what’s going on in anyone else’s life. Maybe you would if you didn’t go off talking about fucking Vilde all the time. Or doing her bidding and asking Even and Isak to parties because she thinks that having a couple of gays in attendance when she steps on to a scene is going to up her cred. Oh, and you haven’t even told them the best part yet. Vilde wants us to join a fucking russebuss.”

“Faen, what?” Isak asked, shaking his head and looking at Magnus, “Are you serious? I thought you thought that that was cheesy? Seriously, man, you want to say I’ve changed? Look at you.”

“Guys, I think we all need to chill for a second, okay?” Mahdi said, using his calming voice and putting out his hands to gently press them to the table. “We’re not the girls. We don’t get into these petty fights about this bullshit, okay? Everyone here has the freedom to choose how they want to spend their weekends. Whether or not it’s together, we’re still bros. We still need to be here for each other instead going at each other, okay?”

“I’m just sick of everything I say somehow being coded as homophobic to you guys,” Magnus said with a grunt, leaning back and crossing his arms where he sat. “It’s not like I care if you’re gay. I love my dudes anyway. It makes no sense that I could be homophobic.”

“You did use the phrase ‘gay bubble’ like it’s a bad thing, Mags. And, honestly, we don’t usually take offense, we just want to let you know how what you’re saying _could be_ offensive,” Even said, wrapping his arms around Isak’s waist, his thumbs gently rubbing circles on his stomach. Probably trying to soothe him. “Sometimes people want to spend time with people who are like them, sometimes people want to spend time with their significant others. Don’t let it get to you. Isak and I will be at the pregame, we’ll be at the party. As for a russebuss? It doesn’t even make sense for me to join because I’m a grade above you. I won’t be around for...that stuff, I guess. Or, in school at least.”

“And, I’m not really into the idea, anyway,” Isak said with a sigh, leaning back into Even and looking up at the ceiling. He thought he was happy that his friends were finding people to spend their time with. He never really thought that having significant other was going to tear them apart, though. Really, they may have been acting calm, but the air around them was swirling with it now. It made Isak feel weird, wrong. But, Jonas was right, no one ever really talked about what was actually going on in their lives anymore and maybe that was what was wrong. That wasn’t how friends were supposed to work. 

 

 **~Wednesday Afternoon~**  
*  
“I’ll give you the guitar lesson after dinner, okay? I’ve got stuff to do,” Even told Ana as she pulled on his arm, trying to keep him from going into his room with Isak and keeping himself in there until dinner. He understood that she wanted to learn, but she needed to understand that this was his time, too. He was going through things, Isak was going through things, and sometimes a guitar lesson was going to have to be put off. Just because he wasn’t Down anymore didn’t mean he was just ready to jump right back into everything as it had been. As much as he wanted to. 

“Do you promise?” Ana asked, finally letting go of Even’s arm as she looked up at him with her signature pout on her face. It was a face that worked on basically everyone else—even Isak from time to time—but Even knew better. He wouldn’t just drop to his knees and give her everything she wanted just because she looked like a lost puppy. He knew how devious she could be. 

“Yeah, probably,” Even shrugged and then opened the door to his room. He gave her his own little devious smirk of his own then left her on the other side of the door. Isak was already in the room, taking the sheets off the bed and tossing them onto the floor. “What are you doing?”

“I’m washing all of our sheets,” Isak told him with a shrug, “You’ve basically been living in yours, plus, it’s been a while anyway. Then we can do our homework and talk or whatever.” He picked up all of the sheets and pillowcases off the floor then went into his room, stripping his own bed, too. Even sat on the edge of his now-naked bed and waited, letting Isak do his thing. Isak wasn’t big on cleaning or doing laundry, but Even knew that when he was doing it, he was doing it for Even. Which, inadvertently was for Isak as well, so he just let him get to it so that he could get back to Even quickly. 

When Isak was finally back in Even’s room with him, he shut the door and walked over to where Even was sitting on the edge of the bed. Even immediately reached out, grabbing his hips and pulling him closer while Isak rested his arms on Even’s shoulders, looking down at him with those beautiful eyes. 

“Did you want to talk about what happened at lunch, babe?” Even asked, his hands slipping up and down his sides under his shirt, feeling Isak’s skin and hoping his touch was somewhat soothing. He didn’t want Isak to be fighting with his friends over the time he was spending with him. Magnus of all people was someone who Even felt Isak needed to be on good terms with. He was always there for him when Even wasn’t able to and he didn’t understand why the sudden outburst at lunch had happened. 

“Nei, I want to focus on you for once,” Isak said calmly, his fingertips grazing the back of Even’s neck and then circling around in the hair that fell on the back of his head. “You said you didn’t want to push off talking about that dream. You. You actually said that and you actually want to talk about it and I’m here and I’m going to listen and I’m going to try to make sure you never have it again. So, talk to me about it. Tell me what happened. Let me soothe your mind.”

“You act like we never talk about me, meanwhile I feel like we’re always talking about me,” Even laughed a little and then let go of Isak’s sides to move back further on the bed. It may have been without sheets, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t still cuddle on it while they talked. “You sure you don’t want to talk about lunch?”

“I’m sure,” Isak said before climbing onto the bed with Even, laying on his side next to him as he rested his head on one of the naked pillows. “Well, for now. Maybe we can talk about it later, but I think it’s going to be okay, honestly. We’ll see, I guess. But, really, right now let’s focus on you. I feel like there’s a lot in your head that we’ve never discussed. A lot of doubt and a lot of..I dunno, pain maybe? And I just want to be here for you the way you are for me.” 

“You already are.”

“Come one, Ev, stop putting this off,” Isak sighed and then put a hand on Even’s face, gently caressing his cheek while he gazed into his eyes with care and concern sparkling in the green. “I know you worry about sharing your feelings and whatever but it’s me, baby. I’m not judging you, I’m not jumping to conclusions. I just want to share your burden. Help you through it.”

“M’sorry,” Even put his hand on top of Isak’s and then slid it down his arm, to his shoulder then down his back. “I’m not used to opening up about this stuff without consequence, you know. I mean, Mikael and I talked sometimes but…”

“I get it, but this is different, we’re different,” Isak said squirming just a little bit closer. 

“I feel like I already know what you’re going to say if I tell you about it,” Even bit his lip and looked down for a moment, focusing on one of Isak’s collar bones that was peeking out from under where the collar of his shirt was falling. “You’re going to tell me we’ve already talk about this and you’re going to say what you said before.”

“I can’t confirm or deny that until you tell me about it,” Isak said. Even could see the little spark of annoyance in his eyes. He could tell Isak just wanted him to get out with it already. Even had thought at lunch that he was just ready to spill himself to Isak, to get the dream off of his chest and hopefully never have to experience something so heart wrenching again. But, Isak had already told him that he thought he’d be a good Dad, he already told him all about how he shouldn’t be worried about his genetics. And, he was going to say everything he had already told Even before. So, Even didn't necessarily need to open up about it. 

“So, it was definitely one of those dreams where your fears and stuff come straight out of your subconscious and attack the shit out of you,” Even said with a bit of a laugh, trying to make this as light as possible. “In the dream, it was a couple years into the future and we were living together which was cool but uh, there was something that was not so cool. I found you at this big, like American Dream type home with Sonja and...uh, _my_ kid. It was like, she never got the abortion and all of this, all of everything we’ve done, all the appointments and the talk about the abortion was just a rouse. You two planned it so you could raise the baby together, because I wouldn’t be a good father, basically. And, I guess maybe the shit you said about my genetics helped me out because it was this gorgeous little girl and she seemed sweet and you seemed to love her. But, it was like I didn’t deserve her. I wasn’t stable enough. I’m not stable enough. And I don’t know if you and Sonja were like a couple but you were leaving me to be a family with them...and I was never going to find a family of my own…”

“Fy faen, _talk_ about your subconscious attacking the shit out of you,” Isak said incredulously, his hand combing through Even’s hair as he looked him in the eyes. He squirmed even closer, nuzzling their noses and letting out a little sigh, the breath right on Even’s lips. “I’m so sorry. I mean, Maybe it’s kind of my fault. I shouldn’t have just gone on about how amazing your genetics were. I should have let you know that you’d also be an amazing dad, too. I...I mean, yeah, you’re bipolar and I guess there’s a bit of instability, but I really don’t think it’d hinder your ability to be a great dad, baby. We’re probably way too young to even be talking about this, but I understand why it’s on your mind and I want to do anything I can to get it off. I want _you_ to be the father of my children, okay Ev? And, honestly there would have to be some serious brainwashing bullshit going on if I ever got with Sonja. Because, not only am I like, super gay, but I also don’t believe she’d be a better mother than you’d be a father. So...yeah. Does...do you think any of that helps? I mean, I want you to believe what I’m saying, through and through. I need you to.” 

“I’ll, uh, I definitely try to believe it, babe,” Even told him before pressing forward and completing the space between their lips. Isak had said that he would remind Even every day that he was good enough, that his genetics were good enough, and maybe that was something Even was going to need. Reminders, pick me ups. The best part about that was that he knew Isak would provide them. He knew that if he laid every single worry, every single fear on the table, Isak would find a way to debunk every single one of them. And then he would find a way to continuously remind him to feel better about it. 

Isak was everything he needed, a damn dream come true. The good kind of dream. 

They kissed and their lips swelled and they stripped until they were naked as the bed. It was all slow as they got acquainted with each other’s bodies after the past few days without that kind of touch. Even was happy that their physical relationship was easier to get back into than a lot of the other things in his life. That it just happened so easily, that they fit together without any bumps or barriers to get over. It was something stable, something he could rely on almost as much as he could rely on Isak. 

Isak was on top, kissing down Even’s chest when he realized that they hadn’t taken any of their usual precautions. He slowly pushed Isak away before he got down to his hips, before Even could get too carried away to care. When Isak looked at him a little confused, he put a finger under his chin and pulled him back up to his mouth, giving him a brief kiss before flipping them over. 

“You know, Isak, I’m a little surprised over how much self-control you have,” Even said gently, kissing around his neck for a few moments before getting up. First he grabbed the lube and the condoms and tossed them on the naked bed next to naked Isak then he moved his dresser into place in front of the door. It was an annoying task, every single time they were doing this that they had to do. Even even thought about blocking off his door completely for the rest of the time they spent there, using Isak’s door as their way in and out. That way they wouldn’t have to move the dresser every time. 

“My self-control?” Isak asked incredulously from where he was lying, picking up the lube a raising an eyebrow as he squirted some of it into his hand. He was eager to get going, and so was Even. 

“Not right now,” Even laughed and then put on his playlist before walking slowly back over to the bed as Isak began fingering himself. Even couldn’t help but smile at the sight, his dick twitching with need because he was just so damn sexy. “I mean, like, throughout the Down Days...or even Sunday in the shower. That was impressive, you know. When you got behind me, I thought for sure I’d get poked, just a little.” 

“It’s uh,” Isak moaned a little, squirming with pleasure at his own touch, making Even have to move over to him faster. “It’s hard to..uh, ah fuck, get hard when you’re like that. I...ahhhh…”

“Let’s not worry about explaining ourselves right now,” Even laughed a little, situating himself between Isak’s legs, taking Isak’s palm and lacing together their thumbs, pinky, and ring fingers before adding his middle finger in with Isak’s two, feeling the slight stretch as they gently pumped back inside and Isak let out a little squeak. “Fuck, do that again,” Even told him as he lunged his and Isak’s fingers back inside abruptly, letting his pointer stroke his perineum and debating on whether or not he should add that one, too. Isak squeaked again, not in the same way, but close enough that Even’s dick twitched again. 

“Feels so good, baby,” Isak groaned, squirming a little more and fucking down onto their fingers a little further. They slid in and out with ease now, and Even thought for sure he was lubed up enough to add one more, so he did, listening to Isak squeak again as he took in the fourth. Their pointer and middle fingers moving in and out of him now slowly as he got used to the stretch. “Fuck, missed this..so much.” 

“Me too, love,” Even looked down at him and couldn’t help but dip down and take his cock into his mouth, bobbing up and down at the same speed as their fingers. Isak mewled and squirmed as Even kept up the same agonizingly slow pace. He believed Isak loved the tease. The little squeaks and moans he let out making it obvious, but he could feel his body craving more as pre-cum slid into his mouth and down his tongue. Even wanted more, too. He hadn’t known how much he missed this until that very moment, but God, he did, and God he wanted to be inside Isak just as much—if not more—as Isak wanted him to be inside him. 

“Please Even,” Isak moaned as Even popped off and slowly pulled their fingers out. Even knew the feeling of the loss too well. Knew exactly how fast he needed to get the condom on and press himself inside of his boyfriend and he would. He would oblige all of Isak’s needs, fulfilling his own just the same. So, he did as he could, opening up the condom with his teeth then rolling it on as fast as possible. He watched Isak squirm, pushing his hair back and wiping the sweat off his forehead as Even slathered on some lube and positioned himself next to his hole. He slowly entered him, leaning down and sliding his hand up his chest as he did, his eyes on Isak’s the entire time. 

Isak’s mouth was agape. His eyes completely clouded with lust as Even dipped down and started pressing kisses into his neck until he found the perfect place to bite down. Isak coo’d and moaned as he slowly started moving his hips, working his way in and out of Isak at the same teasingly slow place as he had been using before. The way the pleasure built up inside of him reminded him of everything Isak had to offer, which was basically Even's entire world. 

Everything Isak had ever said to make him feel good. Everything Isak had ever done to make him feel good. Every glance at Isak from across a crowded party that filled him up with glee and made him feel so much less alone. Every time he had helped him out with a sticky situation and every time he gave him better advice than he thought any therapist ever could. 

Even sucked at his neck for a few moments, his hips moving along with Isak’s in a slow yet rugged motion, slamming into his prostate with every thrust, but making each thrust agonizingly slow. Their hearts were filling, Even could feel Isak’s with his own as he pulled back and pressed his forehead to Isak’s. Their hips sped up as they locked eyes like this, staggered breaths landing on each other’s faces. Isak’s eyes were piercing into his, his feelings pressing into Even’s soul as their paces quickened, their bodies moving like one. There was no way to tell how long it would last, but Even always hoped that it would be forever. He always hoped that feeling this good, feeling this tangled up in Isak would never end. He needed it, he needed it more than he needed to come. 

“Faster baby, please,” Isak groaned, his fingernails scratching up Even’s back as he pressed up. His eyes felt like they would never dare to leave Even’s. Even wouldn’t disappoint. He slowly pushed off the bed on either side of Isak and sat up, lifting Isaks hips but keeping their eyes locked, even at a distance. Even wanted to keep up with the love that was between this moment. He didn’t want to do anything too dirty to ruin the moment. But he wanted Isak to reach his climax while feeling the love, feeling everything that Even wanted for him, he wanted Isak to feel completely amazing. So he kept the eye contact, held his hips, and thrust himself into him faster and harder. 

He watched Isak, his mouth agape, little gasps and groans coming out of it while his eyes squinted, but kept locked on Even’s own. Even couldn’t help but let out little moans of his own as the two of them built up their climax together. He always wanted them to come together, felt like it would be this magical moment that made his mind twirl and would make his soul leave his body for even just a brief moment. But, as he built up, as his hips met Isak’s and their moans started spilling together, he felt as though he would be the one. He’d come first and he would have to do everything he could to make Isak come—hopefully—soon after. He would have to do everything to make sure Isak felt as good as he was making Even feel. 

With a shock to Even, Isak pushed himself up into a sitting position, wrapping his arms around Even’s neck and pressing his forehead to Even’s. Even quickly moved his legs, wrapping them around Isak’s back as Isak wrapped his around Even’s. It was a more difficult position to keep up his movements with but Isak helped him now, the two of them somehow diverging and moving in sync all at once. Even felt his stomach fluttering, his eyesight blurring, the two sparkling green orbs of Isak’s eyes being the only clear thing he could make out. It wasn’t long until he felt Isak tightening around him. The two of them getting to that peak, that glorious moment that they had gone so long without. 

It wasn’t exactly at the same time, but it was close enough, the two of them coming within the same minute of each other, possibly even within the same moment. The two of them collapsed together back on the bare bed, chests rubbing together with Isak’s come slathered all over. They breathed heavily, eyes wide open and staring at each other with smiles broadly splayed across their faces. 

“I love you so much,” Even breathily whispered against Isak’s cheek, his smile never faltering in the ever-so-perfect moment. “I love you so, so very much.”

“I love you too,” Isak said back, rubbing his hands up and down Even’s back as they laid there, bathing in their love and happiness and come. Even just felt glad that they were moving forward, that his episode hadn’t taken them two steps backwards. “I’ll do everything I can to make you feel like you are perfect just the way you are, baby. I promise. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I hope this made up for the last chapter. Things are starting to come full circle and some things are starting to open up as we come around to the end of the story. About five more chapters to go. I also am sorry if the abortion plot isn't super authentic. So, like I did some research on it, I know this abortion pill is a thing, but I'm not 100% on how it is given to the patient so it might be wrong but I had already previously wrote that it'd be prescribe so it was what I stuck with.


	18. Give Silence to Negativity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been pretty long, I'm sorry. I've done some proofreading and whatnot. This chapter is somewhat proofread aka I did a quick skim but no promises. . 
> 
> Enjoy ~~ !!

**~Thursday Morning~**

Isak loved laying with Even after they had sex. It just made the whole experience more intimate. Their sweaty bodies were tangled and pressed up against each other while they paid attention to each other's heartbeats and breathing calming down. Sometimes, they would go back to doing the things they needed to do, sometimes they would get dressed and get ready for the day or the evening. That night, the two of them just laid there, the only thing covering them up being the boy’s limbs they were tangled up with. They stayed like that when there was a knock on the door for dinner, and again when Ana complained about wanting a guitar lesson, telling the person on the other side of the door that they were busy. They would have stayed like that until they fell asleep if Isak hadn’t needed to switch their sheets over into the dryer so that they could actually sleep. 

So they threw on clothes when they had to, then Isak threw the sheets into the dryer and Even made them cheese toasties in lieu of dinner. They ate on the counter top in the kitchen and stole kisses while they waited for their bedding to dry. Once it was done and their beds were finally dressed, the boys got undressed and were tangled back together by midnight. They cuddled and ran their fingers through each other’s hair, talking about how much they missed being able to do so until Even passed out and Isak followed in suit, listening to Even’s heartbeat until it lulled him to sleep.

Isak slept better than he had in a while, finally feeling reconnected with Even, like they might finally be on the same page again. He was still deep asleep when Even started shaking him awake the next morning. Isak startled, wondering if he’d missed his alarm, his eyes popping open as he looked up at Even next to him. Even was up, leaning over top of Isak looking down at him with a little worry sparkling his eyes. The room was still dim, the sun on the verge of coming onto the horizon and Even looked so pretty, even in his worried state. Isak’s heart stuttered a little and he opened his mouth to speak, to ask if he’d had another bad dream. But, Even spoke first. 

“I’m sorry to wake you,” he said immediately, his voice gentle but urgent as he reached up and ran a hand through Isak’s hair. “I woke up and remembered that I have that interview today and we didn’t like...prepare for it or anything. I don’t even know what you put on my application. How am I supposed to know if I’m ready? What am I even supposed to wear? What are they going to want from me?”

“Even, Even calm down, it’s just an interview at a cafe, it can’t be that hard,” Isak said a little sleepily, a smile creeping across his face. Frantic-but-not-manic Even was probably even cuter than whiney Even. Isak’s worry for his worry subsided and he reached up, placing a hand on Even’s face with all the calm in the world. “They’ll ask you a few questions about your personality, your work ethic, your availability and then you’ll probably get it. It’ll be the easiest thing, you just need to be you.”

“Are you sure?” Even asked, moving to lay on his side next to Isak now, biting his lip. “Because, well, it’s really not _just_ an interview, you know. If I get this job then, like, we’re on our way, you know? We might actually finally be able to really start thinking about getting a tiny little apartment for just us. God knows we need it.” 

“Mm, yeah baby,” Isak said, sliding his hand back and running his fingers through Even’s messed hair. He couldn’t help but smile fully over his excitement, over Even still wanting the two of them to get an apartment together. “If you want to try on some clothes, I can let you know what I think. But you’re much more fashionable than I am. Not to mention, I think you look good in absolutely everything and absolutely nothing...so…”

“Fair point,” Even smiled back, squirming closer to Isak and pressing a quick, light kiss to his lips. “It’s a tie between the blue button up and the black button up, though. I could try them on if you want.”

“Blue, always blue,” Isak said with a nod, running his hand down Even’s back with a smile and then pressing his arm to his spine. “Blue brings out your eyes. And I bet it’d be difficult not to hire someone whose eyes are completely mesmerizing. Of course if you walk in there with either of those shirts on, they’ll probably hire you on looks alone. They always hire the good looking guys to be baristas. That way you can enchant your customers.”

“Enchanting customers, was that in the job description?” Even joked, quirking an eyebrow and nudging Isak’s nose with his own. 

“Duh, that’s why I applied for you and not me,” Isak laughed lightly, nudging Even’s nose back and brushing his lips with his own ever-so slightly. “You’re far more enchanting and charismatic.”

“You enchant _me_ ,” Even said breathily against Isak’s lips. They were practically in a continual kiss that wasn’t exactly a kiss, but they were so close that it was difficult to focus on the conversation. The tension in the air between their lips was beautiful, sensual, and made Isak’s heart beat so damn fast. “You enchant me every single day.”

“That’s because you’re the only person I’m nice to, I save it all for you,” Isak told him with a little sigh then finally pressed his lips completely against Even’s. They were far too close not to be kissing, Even’s lips were far to plump and inviting to not be pressed to his own. They kissed slow and gentle, mirroring the early morning light and the quiet air around them. It was intimate and passionate as they pressed together and molded into one. This was Isak’s favorite way to start the morning, hands down. He reached up and gripped the back of Even’s neck as he pressed his mouth harder, parting his lips and slipping his tongue into Even’s mouth with a happy little sigh from his nose. Even responded immediately, pressing his tongue against Isak’s and sliding his hand down Isak’s back, pressing right above his ass. Isak wouldn’t have chosen for it to end any time soon.

“Baby,” Even mumbled against his lips, pulling away but staying close as he pressed his forehead against Isak’s. “Mm, I love this. I was just...I want to make sure you still want to move out with me. I mean, I’m going to take the job regardless, because it’s just a good idea. But, after everything in the past week, I just want to make sure. What you want is important to me and maybe now you’ve changed your mind.” 

“Interrupting a perfect kiss to ask me a question you already know the answer to,” Isak shook his head as he joked, tsk’ing him a couple of times. “Of course I want to move out with you, Ev. I love your family, but I think maybe it’ll be better for you, better for us. I’m just glad to hear that you still want to.” 

“Yeah, I never once changed my mind about it,” Even moved back a little to get a better look Isak in the eyes, “I definitely think I need a little space from my parents. Plus, I just think we need some real alone time. No annoying little sister or interrupting parents. Just us. That sounds amazing. I’m sure they’ll still let us stay here from time to time if we need to for any reason, anyway.” 

Isak just nodded in agreement before he smiled wide and pressed his lips to Even’s again. 

 

 **~Thursday Lunch~**  
*  
“Is this because you want to avoid the boys, babe?” Even asked Isak, who had been waiting outside of his classroom for him and suggested they spend lunch alone. It wasn’t that Even _didn’t_ want alone time with Isak like, all the time, it was just that he didn’t want Isak using him to ignore whatever issues were going on with his friends. Especially because he was almost a hundred percent sure that _he_ was the issue with his friends and he sure as hell didn’t want to be that.

Even had spent a lot of time with Magnus and Mahdi after Isak had met them growing up, but Isak had always spent more time with them. If Even was off with people from his class, or Yousef and the boys after he met them, it was usual that Isak was with Magnus and Mahdi. Since the arrival of Jonas, or better yet, the change of relationship status between Isak and Even, Isak had spent significantly less time with them. So, it wasn’t that Even couldn’t see that they might be annoyed about Even stealing all of his time. Of course they’d be upset. Of course they’d want to hang out with their friend more often. 

“I don’t want to avoid them, I just think that whatever that was yesterday needs to blow over,” Isak shrugged a little, his hand slipping into the back of Even’s pocket as they walked. It was still up for grabs, they could be heading to the cafeteria or their windowsill, but Even was going to have to convince him before they reached the end of the hallway, because whether they turned right or left would determine where they spent their lunch. “Think about it, whenever there was like, some sort of argument between us, we always just let it chill and moved on.” 

“Mm, or if you were Mahdi, you’d just deck Magnus and call it even,” Even nodded a little, squeezing is side and looking down at Isak. 

“If that’s the case, then maybe Magnus should punch me,” Isak groaned a little, looking down at his feet while they walked, avoiding Even’s gaze and starting to slow his pace as they got closer to the end of the hallway. “I don’t know. Is it so bad that I want to spend all this time with you? I mean, it’s not like I don’t like spending time with them, but overall, I’m happiest when it’s just you and me and I can just focus on you and on what the next minute brings for us and I don’t know… It’s stupid, I’m clingy, I know. But I can’t help it.”

“Sometimes that’s how the world works, you know,” Even bit his lip and stopped as they reached the corner of the hallway, moving to press Isak up against the wall and tilting his chin up to get him to look him in the eyes. “People move in with their significant others, they marry them, they have kids with them, then they spend all their time with them because they’re a family. Sure, they invite their friends over every now and then, but most of their time is spent together. It’s life. Sure, we found each other early, but so what? I don’t think you need to feel sorry or bad that you want to spend time with me. It make sense. And you definitely do _not_ need to feel clingy or stupid. Maybe we’ll just have to explain all of this to Mags. I just... I guess I feel bad for taking you away from them...but I’m not sorry, Isak. I would never be sorry for wanting to spend time with you and I definitely don’t think being punched in the face for it would be justified, either.” 

“I’m not sorry either,” Isak said quietly, shaking his head ever-so slightly beneath Even’s grasp on his chin. “I love you, Even.” 

“I love you too,” Even smiled, leaned down and gave him a short, but lingering kiss on his lips before pulling away. “Now, let’s go spend lunch with your friends, okay?”

“Okay,” Isak let out a little sigh but let Even step away and start leading him down the hallway to the cafeteria. He held Isak’s hand and swung it at their sides with a smile on his face. Even may not have been sorry for keeping Isak away from his friends, but he was always happy to know that Isak had his boys. He knew he would always need them from time to time, no matter how far into the future the two of them got into their relationship.  
*

When they got to the cafeteria, their usual table was two tables pushed together and all of the girls were in attendance with the boys. Isak and Even were the last two to show up. Isak was confused, worried that this would be some sort of ambush. He had been worried about Magnus being angry at him for spending so much time with Even, and when he saw the girls there, he couldn’t help but think that this was an intervention. That their friends were going to try to tear them apart because they were too dependent on each other. He didn’t think it’d work, he didn’t think anything could tear them apart, but he tensed up because he was sick of the world trying to. He wanted the support from his friends because he cared about them and he loved Even so damn much.

“What’s going on?” He asked, somewhat irritated as Even took a seat and Isak promptly sat in his lap instead of taking the seat beside him to make a show of how inseparable he planned to be. 

“Yesterday was a little tense,” Jonas was the one who spoke up, shrugging his shoulders and leaning forward against the table as he peered around Noora and Eva beside him to talk to Isak. “So, I invited the girls. I figured we could all share what we thought about this russ stuff and we can all just say what we want to do and why. That way, everyone understands where everyone is coming from and maybe we can just move forward.” 

“This was your idea?” Even asked him with an eyebrow raise, his arms wrapping around Isak’s waist to hold him close while he leaned around him. 

“Mhm, I talked to Vilde today and she thought it was a great idea,” Jonas said then looked at Vilde from across the table with a little wink and a smile. 

“Yeah, I figured I can give you boys the rundown of what we talked about on Tuesday and then we could just talk in general so everyone can make informed decisions,” Vilde said with a little clap of her hands as she leaned a little bit into Magnus. “I know you two aren’t the only ones who are up in the air about becoming a bus or joining a bus, so it’s just a good idea in all to discuss it.”

“Sounds...democratic?” Isak said with an eyebrow raise, looking around at his friends at the conjoined tables. “Are we going to take a vote or something?” 

“I don’t think that’d be a good idea,” Jonas said immediately, shaking his head. “I think everyone should get a say, but even if the majority want to do it, we’re not going to force someone else to. Or like vice versa. Fuck that. It’ll be more like an information session, kind of? In the end we just pick sides. I guess. Do it or don’t, it’s up to you. This is just to make an informed decision and to make sure that no matter what we all choose, we’re all still friends. No issues.”

“Right,” Vilde said with a nod before standing up and making her way to the head of the table, her usual spot during their Tuesday meetings. “So, on Tuesday _I_ did bring up the idea of all of us as a group being a bus. There’s ten of us, a perfect mix of boys and girls, and even if we added Unni, that’s still a great mix. So, there’s a good deal of us to help get money, you see? Imagine what kind of bus we could get? And, of course everyone here has their own levels of creativity and everyone will be able to pitch in on design or theme and I really think that with all of our minds together, we could really do something good. Not to mention, if we were a reputable bus, everyone would want to know us, to be our friends and that’s never a bad thing.” 

“I’d disagree with that,” Isak said, shaking his head. After he came out, all of these girls he wanted nothing to do with wanted started messaging him on facebook. All of these fake people said hello to him in the hallways. He would send fake messages back sometimes because he felt bad but it was just terrible. He hated it. He couldn’t trust them, they were all fake. “If by some miracle we did become this _reputable bus_ , having all those fake people wanting to be our friends would be terrible. It's easier for people to backstab when you’re in a position like that.” 

“Okay, well, as I was saying,” Vilde blinked at Isak a couple of times, a look of pure annoyance gleaming through her eyes while she smiled anyway. “Just thinking in terms of us, and how close we all are, it would just be fun for us as well. We like partying together, we have a good time. Plus, we have a good mix of singles and couples, I think. Therefore, well, there would be a decent amount of hooking up even if our singles don’t hook up with people. Which, I’m sure you will, by the way. Besides Sana, anyway. And, I think even she could have a good time, because overall, we’d be with our friends, spending time together and whatnot before we all split up and go our separate ways for uni and stuff.” 

“I’d like to remind you that I’m a grade above you guys and when you guys get to russ time, I’ll be past the _prime_ russ age, which I would even be past if I participated with my own grade. Hopefully, by that time I’ll be in uni myself, probably,” Even said, talking mostly to Vilde as he rested his chin on Isak’s shoulder. Isak didn’t really want to think about Even being at uni, because even if he stayed in the area, then he still wouldn’t be at school with him, he’d still see him that much less and he absolutely hated that. So, he just leaned his head against Even’s and focused on the moment, feeling his throat rumble against his shoulder as he spoke, “So, I’m sorry but you have to count me out. If you include Unni though, that’s still ten, so...” 

“Yeah, but if you don’t do it, Isak won’t do it,” Vilde sighed and then moved to sit back down next to Magnus, “I don’t really think your age will matter, especially if you don’t participate this year. Theoretically, when russ time hits, you’ll probably be done with finals and stuff anyway. So, you could still kind of participate, at least attend some parties or come with us to festivals. You don’t have to do everything or the dares and stuff, obviously.”

“I just want to say that it wouldn’t be because Even didn’t do it that I wouldn’t want to,” Isak said shrugging Even’s head off his shoulder and moving to sit a little more forward in his lap to try to seem as independent as he could while being in the lap of his boyfriend. “I make my own decisions, and I wouldn’t want to do russ stuff because it’s just not my thing. I’m more of a stay-at-home kind of guy, anyway.” 

“Likely excuse, Isak,” Noora said a little cryptically and Isak was suddenly starting to feel cornered again, like he did when he thought this might be some sort of intervention. It was comments like that that made him itch. Even had said that wanting to be around him wasn’t something to feel sorry for, but he felt like his friends wanted him to be sorry anyway. “But, uh, I’m not so sure that I want to do bus stuff either.” 

“What? Nooo, Noora, you have to,” Eva said, grabbing at her upper arm and fluttering her eyelashes at her, “please, please, please, for me?” 

“It just feels so...dirty almost?” Noora said, her tone sounding like she was searching for the right words. “I mean we raise money for ourselves and then compete for popularity? I don’t know. I mean, I get that everyone wants to party, but...I don’t know, some of those dares are dangerous. It’s all just...nei.” 

“Yeah, it’s definitely not right,” Jonas said, sitting back in his chair and putting on his ever-cool, I’m-too-good-for-this face. “I think you’ll have to count me out too.” 

“Great, so we’re already down four people. That puts us at six, maybe seven with Unni,” Vilde sighed and then leaned her head disappointedly on Magnus’ shoulder, looking like a puppy who had just been scolded. Magnus put a comforting arm around her and kissed the top of her head to try to give some sort of consolation. 

“Don’t count Noora out yet,” Eva said, looking around Noora at Vilde then back at Noora with a couple more flutters of her eyelashes. Isak felt like their relationship was getting more obvious, that Even was probably right, they probably were falling already. “Just, like, put her down as a maybe, I’ll try to convince her...some way.” 

“Put Isak down as a maybe, too, then,” Even said, to Isak’s surprise. He turned his head to the side to look at him so fast that he probably gave himself whiplash. He blinked at Even a few times, looking for an explanation as to why he would say that. Why he would think Isak would change his mind when this really wasn’t something he was into. And—though he wouldn’t admit it—he especially didn’t want to do it without Even. He might have been at a maybe _with_ Even. “Sorry, babe, I just think that maybe you’d enjoy yourself. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime thing, a rite of passage and I wouldn’t want you to regret not doing it in the future or something.” 

“What about you? What about your once-in-a-lifetime chance? Your rite of passage?”

“I know I don’t need it,” Even shrugged and then raised an eyebrow at him, “Are you sure you don’t need it? If you looked back in like, ten years, do you think you maybe would regret not spending that time with your closest friends?”

“If it’s about close friends for you, Even, we can always invite yours out and around with us to some occasions, too,” Vilde said, “Elias and Adam and Mutta are always welcome to party with us. On our bus or elsewhere. Plus, Mikael and Jonas kind of have a thing? And then there’s Sana and Yousef...which would actually be perfect for her.” 

“You realize I’m right here when you talk about me like that, right?” Sana asked, raising an eyebrow and giving Vilde one of her best evil looks. Apparently, she was still denying those feels for Yousef. There had to be a point where she stopped doing that, right? “Besides, what if I don’t want my brother hanging out during russ time?”

“Well, we can’t just invite the rest of them and not Elias, Sana, that’s rude,” Vilde said, rolling her eyes and looking at Even. “If we promise to invite them to like, all possible bus events, could you reconsider, maybe?” 

“Okay, but like, why does it have to be russ time that we all spend with our friends, anyway?” Jonas asked, his cool demeanor still in place. “Like, what if, instead, we saved up money...like all of us—and that’s like fifteen if we include Mikael and them—and we could use the money to go on some awesome vacation after finals. We could party on vacation _plus_ not worry about russ politics. I think that’s like, a million times better. A double win. A quadruple win.” 

“You know, that actually sounds pretty good,” Mahdi said, nodding his head and reaching across the table for a high-five from Jonas. “I’d totally be down for that.” 

“Yeah but, I want to do Russ things,” Chris said too with a little shrug. 

“Maybe we can do that but everyone who wants to participate can join some other bus,” Jonas said with a nod. 

“Now things are getting too complicated,” Vilde sighed, her voice a little whiny. It was obvious that she was hoping for all of this to go her way, but it just wasn’t going to. There were enough of them that opinions were always going to vary, no matter what. “Why don’t we just...let it soak in for the weekend and make a final decision on Tuesday. I think that would be a good enough amount of time for everyone to really think all of this over. Okay?”

“Okay,” Magnus said with a nod, kissing the top of Vilde’s head some more and then looking around the table, “But we’re still pregaming at my house, right? Because that’s gonna be hella.” 

“Hella? Who are you?” Jonas asked with a laugh, tossing a fry at Magnus, which bounced off his nose and landed in Vilde’s lap, causing her to let out a little squeal that had the whole table in laughter. 

 

**~Thursday Afternoon~**

After school, the boys went home and Even got dressed for the interview. They took the bus back out and ended up at Kaffebrenneriet about an hour before the interview, so they sat and had coffee while Isak coached Even on what they might ask and how he should answer. Isak really wasn’t worried; Even was over-qualified to serve coffees and teas. He was a master at brewing and cooking. Not to mention his charisma. With his smile, he could probably get customers to buy double what they came for. KB would be stupid not to take him. And, that may have been a little bit of a biased thought on Isak’s part, but it was the full truth. 

“How are you so confident in me?” Even asked from across the table, playing with his now-empty cup of tea. “You do realize that I completely lose myself for like weeks on end?”

“You don’t _lose yourself_ Ev,” Isak shook his head and reached across the table, taking the cup and shoving it to the side so he could take Even’s hands in his own. “You’re still completely you, just a little different. Nothing wrong with it. But I want that out of your mind right now. Don’t let it throw you off. You’ve got this.” 

“I’ve got this,” Even repeated back to him and gave him one of his award-winning smiles. “Thank you for helping me believe in me.”

“I will always be your number one fan, babe,” Isak fluttered his eyelashes a little then stood up, knowing Even was going to have to do the interview soon. “No, how about a good luck kiss, hm?”

“A good luck kiss?” Even teased, grabbing him by the hips and pulling him in between his legs as he stayed where he was sat. Isak standing so close to the boy and towering over him now, “Your kisses are lucky now? Who says?”

“Me, because love is lucky.” 

“When you’re right, you're right,” Even smirked and then finally surged up to meet Isak’s lips. Isak quickly grabbed onto the hair on the back of his neck and steadied himself with his other hand on Even’s hip, letting the two of them kiss slowly and passionately.

“Alright, I don’t want to show too much PDA,” Even said as he pulled away, smiling as Isak followed his lips back, wanting more kiss. “This _will_ be my workplace, after all.” 

“Right, professional,” Isak sighed with gust, pulling back and then brushing off Even’s shirt, “Go nail that interview, baby.” He patted his back and then sat back down in his own seat. “I’ll be right here, waiting.” 

“Waiting for me to nail you like I’m gonna nail this interview,” Even said with a wink and then walked up to the counter to ask for someone to interview him and Isak bent down, grabbing his laptop out of his bag to start doing homework. He wasn’t sure how long the interview would take, but he knew that his Physics work was going to take up some time—the time that Even somehow took and made fly by faster and faster every day. He would try to get his homework done. But, lately, he lost of focus. With Even in the vicinity, looking at him, sending him little smirks, or writing poems on paper that he makes into paper airplanes and flew at him from across the room. It was just so easy to get lost in him when he was being like that. 

 

Isak ended up getting distracted anyway. By the thought of Even getting the job, by the first step in their next step being made. It made him feel so adult, to be able to move in with his boyfriend, _sans adults._ They were getting closer and it thrilled Isak. It was just scary enough to give him a rush, and just exciting enough that it made Isak want it as soon as possible. 

And, after doing some math, he thought that they could do it. After a couple paychecks...and some help from his Father. Isak had gotten his number and address from Martin. He had been debating for a while whether or not he should do something about that, and he hadn’t yet. But, it would speed up everything if his Dad would give him the money directly. It might mean his father would shun him, turn him away for being gay, make him feel shitty about himself and more, but maybe he wouldn’t and Isak would get to spend time with Even infinitely. Which was his greatest want in the world. 

He just had to get up the nerve to call his Dad, ask him if he would see him. It was all he had to do. If his Dad said no, at least Isak would stop the wondering. Stop wondering about maybe his father having changed his mind. He’d know that he was only paying Even’s parents to keep himself away from the guilt child abandonment or some shit. 

He pulled up the contact and stared at it on his phone. The contact used to say _Papa_ but when Isak changed it to the information Martin gave him, he also swiftly changed it to _Terje_. Formal, first name, almost a stranger to Isak at this point. It didn’t feel like he exactly earned the title of Papa anymore. Of that, he was sure. 

“Isak!” Even’s hands were suddenly on his shoulders as he practically screamed his name with excitement. Isak almost dropped the phone, fumbling with it a bit then setting it down before turning in his seat to look at the boy. “Woah. You literally just jumped to the fucking ceiling, Is. What were you up to? Texting your other boyfriend or something?”

“What? No, of course not,” Isak laughed and then playfully smacked Even’s shoulder. “You’re the only one for me, you just scared the shit out of me.” 

“Mhmm,” Even was being playful, Isak was pretty sure he knew that Isak wasn’t texting or even into any other boys, but he reached around and grabbed Isak’s phone, anyway. “You were definitely doing something sneak—- ....Terje? Your Dad?”

“Uh, yeah, I was thinking about talking to him about that money he gives your parents,” Isak shrugged a little then grabbed his phone back, locking it and slipping it into his pocket before looking nervously back up to Even. “I think that...in general it might be good for me to talk to him anyway. I mean, he is my Dad, Ev. And, maybe he could help us, or maybe he’ll throw me away but then at least I’ll know for sure where I stand with him. Maybe he’ll want to have dinner or something.”

“Don’t you already know? Didn’t he say you’d never see him again?” Even bit his lip and looked at Isak sadly, worry shining in the blues of his eyes. “Do you really want to give him the chance to hurt you all over again?”

“Who says I’m giving him the chance?” Isak raised a brow and then wrapped his arms around Even’s neck, standing up and pushing up on his tippy toes to look at Even straight-on. “I’m not getting my hopes up, I’m not going to let anything he says hurt me. Because, I mean if he says something that’s supposed to be painful I won’t be surprised so it won’t hurt.. But, who knows, maybe he won’t.” 

“Isak, it sounds like you already have some hopes,” Even sighed and leaned his head forward, nuzzling his nose against Isak’s some, “I just really don’t want you to be hurt again. Not by him, not by anyone. I want to keep you safe and happy...and, I mean, he _is_ your Dad...how can you believe you won’t be hurt by it?”

“Ev…” Isak sighed and put his head down, kicking the floor ever-so slightly. “I won’t let myself get hurt. I know who he is.”

“At least let me go with you if you go see him,” Even said, batting his eyelashes a couple times and then pulling Isak into a hug. “That way I can be there if it goes bad. Please. I want to be there for you.” 

“Yeah...okay, sure. So, should I call him now?” Isak asked, slowly pulling back from the hug and looking at him. Isak was nervous, his heart pounded just thinking about calling him right then. He hadn’t prepared himself enough, he was going to stumble all over his own words. Then his Dad would just think he was a fool. For sure. 

“Only if you’re ready to,” Even told him, moving to grab Isak’s hand and starting to pull him out of KB, “Or we could talk about the fact that I just got a _job_ and that just makes us one step closer to having our own place. We could go home and celebrate and save stuff with your dad for another day. Let’s just make the rest of the day about us. Maybe we should go dinner before we go home? Would you like to go out to dinner with me, Isak?”

“Even, are you asking me on a date?” Isak laughed lightly, not being able to stop smiling as he stopped dead in the sidewalk and looked at his boyfriend. “Like our first real date?”

“You haven’t counted anything we’ve done thus far a date?” Even asked, raising a brow and keeping the smirk on his lips to a minimum. Trying to remain serious, though the twitching at his lips was giving away the fact that something about Isak saying that had been hilarious to him. “Surely we’ve gone on _one date_ The Halloween party? Or any of those late night walks? Star gazing? The hotel? What about when we go to get coffee and stuff? And just now, before my interview, was that not a miniature date?”

“You of all people should know that none of those things were anywhere near first date material,” Isak shook his head, teasing back with Even who’s twitching lips were finally turning into a real smile. Most of those times were actually pretty romantic, just like every moment with Even, but Isak felt like being difficult because he was never really asked to go on a date, these were just things they did, things they planned together just because. “Come on Mister Romance, ask me on a date, dress me up and take me out.”

“Why don’t _you_ ask me on a date, huh?” Even gripped at Isak’s hips and moved to stand off to the side of the street, still not to far from Kaffebrenneriet at all. 

“I will but you have to ask me first, because you’re the romantic, the oldest, the most experienced,” Isak shrugged and then pushed up on his toes a little. He tried to still tease, but his voice got soft anyway, looking into Even’s eyes. “It’s your job to ask me first. I don’t make the rules. I just enforce them.” 

“Oh yeah? Should I have been like, ‘Let’s take you home and get you dolled up so I can show you off,’ because I mean, I could show you around in what you’re wearing right now. I could show you off in anything,” Even raised his eyebrows and then his smile broke more, completely showing his teeth. “But I should have asked you on a formal date and made you feel like a king. I guess I didn’t know you’d be into it. How about this...date night on Saturday? We get all spiffy and go for a night on the town. I’ll take you to everything.” 

“You may have yourself a deal.”

 

 **~Friday Lunch~**  
*  
“But baaaaby,” Isak whined as they walked. He was hanging onto Even’s side, slumped into him in a way that made Even just want to scoop him up, carry him around and take off the load that gravity pushed on the boy. “I just want to be with you, we’re going to that party tonight so we’ll be with them later and everything will be fine.”

“C’mon, you don’t want to grow apart from your friends,” Even bit his lip and looked at Isak for only a moment before looking ahead of them. Despite Isak’s protests, they were heading towards the cafeteria. Even loved that Isak wanted to be with him, loved that he whined about it and gripped onto his sides and cuddled into him softer yet tighter with every step that they took. He just knew that Isak needed his other friends, too. As much as he’d absolutely love to be the one and only thing in Isak’s life, he knew how selfish it would be to let that happen. “When I’m not in school with you next year, you’ll need them. Don’t let go of them now.” 

“I’m not letting go of them, Even,” Isak said, Even’s name coming out like a sigh, Isak’s voice still wrapping around it and sending a rush down Even’s spine the way it always did when Isak said his name. “It’s just...I feel like I’ve been missing you.. You know, because of the episode...and now I have you back I guess. I just want to spend every moment I can with you…”

“...Until it happens again?” Even didn’t mean for it to come out like a question. It felt more like a statement, but the way it hit Even’s lips made him unsure. He wasn’t sure how to feel about it. He didn’t like the thought of Isak on edge, worrying about when Even’s next episode would hit. He didn’t mind the two of them grasping every moment until it did hit—but he never wanted to be living in fear of that next tremor. 

“I meant in general,” Isak shrugged a little, “it doesn’t have anything to do with your episodes.”

“Hey Isak,” Even said, moving to press Isak against the wall right outside the cafeteria. He waited for Isak’s eyes to meet his own, a little smile spreading across those cupid’s bow lips. “Minute by minute. No worrying about the future.”

“Mmkay,” Isak’s smile widened and his head tilted back, hitting that perfect angle Isak made for Even to lean in a kiss him. Even did, gripping onto the side of his face as Isak surged up and pressed their bodies together. Kisses with Isak really were never just kisses. They were a shock of pleasure soaring through Even’s bones. They were close an intimate, making him truly feel like the two of them were becoming one as they melted their forms together. They were stomach-flipping, heart-thudding, toe-curling bouts of pure happiness. They were all-consuming and solidified with love. It was hard for Even not to get lost in it, not to forget that they weren’t the only ones in the room. 

He always had to force himself away from it, as if there were magnets between the two of their lips, pulling them together with a force so strong that Even had to use all of his might to make it seem effortless. To make it seem like he wasn’t immediately missing the softness of Isak’s lips, or the feeling Isak brought when he pressed up against Even. It was truly dangerous, the way the two boys fit together, but it was definitely what Even had been missing in his life. Isak was lucky to be the younger of the two, to be able to not have to be the mature one. To not have to be the one to pull away, or the one who had to force them to hangout with other people because they needed others, too. 

“Okay, come on,” Even barely pushed out the words against Isak’s lips as he pulled back. “Let’s get to the boys,” he groaned a little with Isak and then pulled him into the cafeteria. He pulled Isak in by the waist and put on his best smile, nodding at some familiar faces as he and Isak made their way across the crowded room. When the boys got to the table, the rest of them with sitting there, all of the boys plus Vilde in Magnus’ lap, feeding him a grape between her teeth. 

“Halla,” Isak said as they approached the group and sat down.

“Halla,” Mahdi said to the two boys as they took their seat, “This has basically been the past five minutes. It’s going to be a long lunch.” 

“Mm-mm,” Vilde mumbled before pulling away from Magnus’ lips with a wet pop and a wide smile at him. She turned around and faced the rest of the table. “I was just waiting for Even and Isak because we’ve decided to do a _pro-Russ_ debate party on Saturday night. Just us friends, including Yousef and Mikael and whichever of the rest of them want to come. We’ll play russ music, throw around fundraising activities and bus themes, talk about some of the dares, maybe make some of them off-limits for safety... plus we’d all get to party and get drunk together. It’ll be a great night.” 

“Uhh,” Isak said, biting his lip and looking over at Even. He knew exactly what Isak was thinking. They had planned their date night for Saturday. It was supposed to be just them. “Well, we…” 

“We have a date,” Even said for him, wrapping his arm around Isak’s shoulder. The boy probably didn’t want to be chastised by his friends about this so close to them having problems with how much time the two had been spending together. He tapped his fingers on Isak’s thigh then looked at him with a raise of his eyebrow, wanting to make a suggestion but let Isak know he had the choice, “But, uh..Well, maybe we can go out, stop by the party, drink a little, then go home and fuck?”

“Mm,” Isak looked up at him, cheeks a little pink as a smile built upon his lips. “Well, it has to be classy drunk. Go out, party and get classy drunk, then go to a _hotel_ or something to make beautiful, sweet love.” 

“I could deal with that,” Even smiled and then kissed the side of Isak’s face a couple times before looking back at the group at the table. “We’ll be there then. Probably not too long but definitely long enough to get a feel and chill out for a bit.” 

“Woah, wait,” Magnus said, putting his hands up and making sure to give both Jonas and Mahdi pointed looks before looking back over at Isak and Even, “You two do realize that you just talked about fucking in front of us? I feel like this is momentous! Vilde, could you take a picture of me and my boys?” 

“Sure,” Vilde giggled and took Magnus’ phone out of his pocket before standing up and walking to the head of the table. “Everybody lean in!!” Even felt like it was a pretty stupid reason to be taking a picture, but he’d never say no to documenting things on film, so he leaned in, pulling Isak with him and smiling wide for the camera. 

 

**~Friday Afternoon~**

Even and Isak walked down the street out of Kaffebrenneriet, Even sipping on some green tea and Isak had some crazy named espresso that Even definitely made fun of him for ordering. It was definitely starting to get too cold for their walks, but with some warm beverages, layers, and arms wrapped around each other, it seemed like it was the perfect weather. They were only going out for beer for the night, anyway. Even would buy and Isak would help him carry it home and smuggle it into their rooms. It wasn’t that far and a walk with Isak would always be worth the harsh air on his face. Today, it just felt like one of those things he had to document, being in a moment-capturing mood ever since lunch. So, Even unwrapped his arm from around Isak and moved the tea into his other hand so he could dig his phone out of his pocket, opening up the camera and pressing record before Isak even could tell what was happening. 

“Hey, baby,” Even coo’d smiling at the camera as he held it out in front of them then turning his head to nuzzle his nose on Isak’s cheek, “Jeg elsker deg.” He kissed the side of his face a couple times as Isak scrunched up his face and shoulders with a smile of his own, Even capturing it all. It made him incredibly happy to have that on tape. Isk always did things that was a look of pure beauty and innocence

“Jeg elsker deg, Even,” Isak said back and then turned his head, pressing a kiss to Even’s chin first then surging up to meet his lips. After just a few moments of their lips pressed together, slowly overlapping, Isak reached out and took the phone away. Even pulled back to protest, but Isak pulled away at the same time, taking a couple steps back and angling his phone at Even. “Hey baby, you look really good today.” Isak said as backed up more, as if trying to get all of Even in the picture as he stood there, dumbfounded with an eyebrow raise just for Isak. He backed up until his back was up against the wall of a building they had been passing. “I wish I could look as good as you,” Isak told him and then looked up at the sign swinging above him. They were in front of a barber shop. Isak’s eyes glimmered and then he smiled and looked back at Even as if he had an idea. And, Even knew exactly what he was thinking. 

“No.” 

“No?” Isak smiled and then held the camera out, walking over to Even. When Even took it, he was surprised to see Isak hadn’t stopped recording. “Take one last good video, baby, because I am getting a haircut.” Isak backed up again, taking off his hat and putting his arms out in an open-possibility pose. Even bit his lip, held out the camera to document his smile, his brightness in the moment and then stopped recording immediately. 

“I like your hair,” Even pouted a little, slipping his phone in his pocket and walking over to Isak. “I like to run my fingers through it and the last time you got it cut, it was so damn short.” 

“Gross, I’m never cutting my hair like that again, anyway,” Isak shook his head and then took Even’s hand, moving to press it through his hair for him. “I’m just going to get some off the sides and at least a little off the top. There will still be hair for you to run your fingers through. There will still be curls and they will still be on my head.” 

“If you say so,” Even gripped onto Isak’s hair and pulled just a little, biting his lip and looking down at the boy whose head he had tilted up to look at him. He savored the moment, Isak’s harsh gasp capturing his breath as the two of them felt the heat that soared between them. Even was pretty sure that with Isak, every moment was going to have the ever-too-easy chance to turn lusty. Even wouldn’t mind if every moment did, to be honest. It was always so amazing, anyway. “I just don’t want to miss this.” 

“Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing,” Isak smiled and winked, then pecked Even’s lips, slowly pulling back and putting his hat back on his head. “Do you want a haircut too? At trim?”

“Sure, I guess,” Even shrugged and then took out his phone again. “Take off your hat again. I need legitimate before and after pictures for your instagram.” 

“You seriously need to get your own instagram and stop posting on mine,” Isak joked, rolling his eyes as he took off his hat and leaned back against the wall a little quirk of a smile as he modeled his hair for Even. It was a beautiful mess at the moment and Even would take it. He would definitely miss the hair, but he’d let Isak get it cut if he really wanted to. He’d be beautiful anyway.  
*

**~Friday Evening~**

Isak left the barbershop feeling more mature. With his curls not swinging into or across his face, he felt like he aged years—but not in an old and wrinkly way, more like a more mature way. Something about it made him feel renewed, refreshed, ready to take the next steps with Even. With his angled features being more exposed, he felt like he might have even looked like he really could be Even’s boyfriend. He could be Even’s live-in boyfriend. They could do sophisticated things like go on trips so Even could take videos for his job or they could spend holidays abroad. 

“I don’t know how I’m going to keep my hands off of you tonight to share you with our friends,” Even groaned a little as they stepped off the bus just a block from Magnus’ house. They each had bags with beer in their hands, but with his free hand, Even reached around and wrapped himself around Isak. “You look so damn sexy, Isak. I don’t know how I’m supposed to let go of you until I get used to it, at least.”

He was glad Even liked it, too. 

“Then don’t take your hands off me,” Isak said, smirking up at Even as they walked. He wouldn’t mind Even being glued to his side all night. They could socialize together. Maybe. If Isak didn’t always feel so compelled to kiss Even when he caught him looking at him or or just pulling his cute little faces. “Don’t let me go, Rose.” 

“I’ll never let go, I promise,” Even quoted the words from the _Titanic_ , knowing exactly where Isak had been going with that. 

“Okay, so then your hands need to be right here,” Isak set down the beer on the group then grabbed Even’s hands, placing them on his hips, “You keep one or both of them there all night, then you’ll have kept your promise.” 

“Wait, serious?” Even raised a brow and looked down at Isak, a curious little smirk on his face. Isak reached up and put his hands on Even’s face, smirking back, “Because I thought we were just quoting the movie. You don’t want me hovering over you all night long. What if you want to complain about me, then what are you going to do?”

“I don’t have anything to complain about, Even,” Isak laughed a little then stood up on his tiptoes, pecking his lips before he slid his hands down his shoulders then down his arm to his hands that were still firmly planted on Isak’s hips. “If I did, I bet I’d complain to you first, anyway. I want your hands on me. All. Night. Long. Come on, keep your promise.” 

“Isak, you’re being kind of bossy,” Even said, his eyebrows plunging together as his gaze made Isak’s heart beat a little bit faster, making him feel like he crossed some sort of line. Isak went to open his mouth to apologize when Even suddenly pulled his hips into his own, making Isak gasp. Even’s face was suddenly so incredibly close that all Isak really wanted to do was kiss him. Even smirked, his eyebrows lifting in excitement, “I like it. What happens if I move my hands, baby?” 

“Oh,” Isak’s cheeks grew hot, even in the cold air as he looked up at Even. His almost innocent proposal for Even to keep his hands on his hips suddenly feeling hundred times kinkier. And Even? He seemed kind of into it. It’s not that Isak wasn’t, but the question, the connotation behind it kind of make Isak’s brain go to mush. He didn’t want to say anything stupid and ruin the mood, but he couldn’t say nothing at all. He looked into Even’s excited, slightly glazed, and still somehow comforting-as-fuck eyes and gathered himself. “Oh baby, let’s just say you don’t want to…” 

“Cryptic,” Even smiled and then pulled back, keep his hands still on Isak’s hips, “I’ll keep my hands on you at all times, Isak. Even if you’re pissing or even if I’m pissing. I hope you’re prepared for a hovering boyfriend.” 

“More than prepared, come on,” Isak moved his hands from Even’s on his hips and spun around beneath them so that Even’s hands would land back on his hips all the same. He peeked behind himself at Even, giving him a little wink before bending over to pick up the beer, his ass just barely grazing Even’s crotch before he stood back up and started walking the last couple feet to Magnus’ door. Even groaned behind him and then started walking with him, his hands tight on Isak’s hips as they walked to the house.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” Even mumbled in Isak’s ear as he knocked and then invited himself into the house. There was already music playing, russ music that Vilde probably put together to make being russ seem more fun. Isak was smiling ear-to-ear, anyway. He wouldn’t mind going on a vacation with his friends instead of doing russ stuff, but there was a small part of him that definitely didn’t want all of his friends involved in russ stuff besides him. Even if Even wasn’t, it would still be a little lonely for him to know that the rest of his friends were doing something he wasn’t apart of. 

“Isak, Even you maaaaaade it” Eva said, already slurring as she jumped up from her seat next to the beer pong table, where Mahdi and Magnus were set up on a team against Adam and Elias and it looked like team Elias-Adam was winning. Eva quickly wrapped her arms around both boys, hands landing over a shoulder on both of their backs. Even kept one hand on Isak’s hip and hugged her back while Isak basically got smushed in the embrace. He watched Noora get up and leave the room and tried to pull away, but Even was keeping his promise, hand tight on his hip. “And oh my god, you look so good with your haircuts, I totally would have triple liked that insta post. Which one of you is better at beer pong? Even, I bet, since he’s taller it probably makes sense. It can be me and Even versus Isak and Noora. Oh my god, it’s settled!” 

“How about you and Noora versus me and Isak?” Even offered, pulling back from the hug and returning both his hands back to where Isak had placed them. “We’re sort of a packaged deal tonight.” 

 

“Who let Isak and Even on a team together in the first place?” Jonas complained after he and Mikael were successfully beaten by the two boys. It was their fourth game and they just kept winning. Isak didn’t know why they were on a roll, usually it was a toss up, but they were on point, working together like a well-oiled machine. He thought for sure that Even keeping a hand on him while they played would have made it harder, but Isak was closer to calling him a good luck charm at that point. “It was obviously a mistake.” 

“They refused to be on teams with anyone else, I don’t think they’ve stopped groping each other since they showed up,” Chris said, shaking her head and leaning up against the wall she was standing next to. Even and Isak had just beat her and Mutta before Jonas and Mikael, Vilde and Unni before that, Elias and Adam before that. “Does anyone else want to even try to play them?” She asked, shaking her head and putting her hand out to Magnus as he began to volunteer himself and Mahdi, “Nei, someone who would actually win. Oh, I know, Yousef and Sana.” 

“Wait but they’re sober,” Isak said, taking a gulp of his beer and leaning back more into Even. Isak didn’t think Even was near as drunk as Isak, but he was definitely on a good buzz, at least. “Is that really fair?” 

“It’s fair if it gets you off the table!” Chris said adamantly, drunk and joking around as she pumped her hand into the air dramatically. She started chanting slowly, “Sana, Yousef. Sana, Yousef. Sana, Yousef...” 

The others started chanting along, Noora kicking into action and grabbing the two lovebirds from across the room to pull them to the pong table. Isak had noticed the slight distance between her and Eva tonight. They played pong together, but when they weren’t, they were on opposite sides of the room. Isak felt like he missed something, like he was going to have to start interrogating the girls to figure out what had happened. 

“Well, I suppose it’s our job to kick you off the table,” Sana said with one of her devious smirks, picking up a ball out of the water cup and raising a brow. She tossed the ball and it landed straight in the middle cup. As if to show off her perfect aim. Isak shrugged and picked it up, drinking the beer out of it then slamming it back down—trying to give off a _not afraid_ attitude though they were definitely about to lose their spot as pong table champions. 

*  
Since he was attached to Isak, he went outside to smoke with him and the boys. While he did sometimes smoke, and he did sometimes drink, he very rarely mixed the two. And, he was definitely too drunk to smoke weed, so he just let Isak sit in his lap while they sat in Magnus’ backyard furniture with Magnus, Mahdi, Jonas and Mikael and smoked. While they sat there, Even let his hands slip inside isak’s shirt, sliding them up and down his sides, over his abs, chest, and back, over and over and over. He was truly enjoying the assignment of keeping his hands on Isak. Not only was Isak telling him what to do hot in ways he couldn’t comprehend, but he was also able to seize control every now and then, depending on where he let his hands glide to. 

“She wants me to stop and I’m like, I love her, right, but I’m doing a lot for her too, you know,” Magnus said, swinging around his hand with the joint in it while he talked. Apparently Vilde thought it’d be a good idea for him to stop smoking weed with the boys. “Like, the russ stuff, it’s all gonna be for her, because it’s what she wants. I mean, it’ll be fun, but I was just planning to join last moment that way I didn’t have to worry about all the pre-russ stuff.”

“Sounds like she’s got you whipped, man,” Jonas said, shaking his head and plucking the joint out of Magnus’ hand so that he could take a hit. Mikael was leaning back in a lawn chair next to him, laughing a little at Jonas’ statement then looking over to Even and Isak for a brief moment. Even noticed but Isak didn’t, so he just gave him a quirked eyebrow and Mikael shrugged, looking back towards the conversation. 

“I’m not whipped,” Magnus defended himself. 

“You’re whipped,” Even said with a laugh and then nuzzled his nose into the side of Isak’s face as he laughed with him. “The sooner you admit it the better. Also, the sooner you admit that you love it, also better.”

“You’re one to talk, what’s going on with you two?” Mikael asked, pointing at him and Isak in his lap. “I literally don’t think your hand has moved from his side all night long. That’s gotta be some crazy ass sort of whipped.” 

“That’s why I say that the sooner he admits he loves it, the better,” Even said with a smirk, wrapping his arms tight around Isak underneath his shirt. “I love how far gone I am for this man. And, just so you know, this touching has everything to do with sex. It’s even kinky, in a way. So, you can try to make fun of me and call me whipped but I’m just going to be enjoying myself.” 

“How is _that_ kinky?” Mahdi asked, his eyebrows furrowing as he looked at the two of them. Even couldn’t see Isak’s face, but he would bet that the boy was blushing again. He didn’t know whether or not Isak actually had any plans for what would happen if Even let go, but he didn’t care. It was hot, anyway. He kept thinking about it, thinking about just testing the waters, taking his hands away while Isak was in his lap, see if he did or said anything. But, instead, he just kept his hands on, sporting a semi for most of the night and glad Isak was blocking his crotch for the most part. 

“Even promised to never let go,” Isak shrugged a little, turning in Even’s lap a little and smiling at him. “So, I told him he couldn’t. You know, or else.” 

“Faen, that is kinky,” Magnus laughed and slapped his leg, “I didn’t know you had it in you, Isak. What’s the or else? Some dirty punishment?” 

“Do you really want to know?” Isak asked incredulously. “Magnus I think you might a sex addict.”

“Oh, definitely,” Magnus nodded his head furiously, “I am a sex addict. I like having sex, I like talking about sex, I like watching sex, I like hearing about sex. Honestly, I think I should be a lady doctor. Talking about vaginas and stuff all day. I can’t think of a better job. Unless there are like...sex doctors?” 

“In porn? Sure,” Jonas said, shaking his head and putting a hand over his face. “But please, Magnus, for women everywhere, do not become a lady doctor.”

“Don’t worry, he’s terrible at sciences, he’d never make it,” Isak said, reaching across and bumping fists with Jonas before taking a joint from him. Even watched him, his dick starting to get hard again as he thought about the idea of _sexy punishments_. He bit his lip and watched everyone laugh at Magnus. Even didn’t hear the laughter though, just a ringing in his ear as he squirmed and tried to think the erection away. 

“Sorry,” He murmured into Isak’s ear and slid one of his hands on top of Isak’s thigh, sliding it inside ever so slightly, trying to take further control of the situation. But touching Isak and feeling the warmth of his inner thigh or the skin on his stomach was not helping whatsoever. He didn’t know why he thought it would have helped, it must have been in his drunk mind that it had made sense. But, now, he knew it wasn’t going to land, that the only way he’d get out of it was going to be to take Isak somewhere private. 

“It’s okay,” Isak said under his breath, moving from side to side on his lap a little and letting out a little laugh. 

“I could be good if I applied myself, and I think I’ve gotten better since I’ve been introduced to the vagina,” Magnus told the group, looking over at Even then to Isak, raising an eyebrow. “I mean, you’ve gotten worse since you got hooked on dick.” 

“Gross,” Isak said, out loud, pausing for a moment and then shaking his head. “Sorry, I thought I said that in my head. Honestly, when you guys say words like _vagina_ , I always say ‘gross’ in my head because well, gross...anyway, why am I talking?” 

Isak was pretty crossfaded, shaking his head and laughing before he turned sideways and ducked his head into Even’s chest. It was obvious that Isak was starting to slip into himself; out of the closeted version of himself that he had been and into an unashamed version of himself. He was always better at it with Even, or the girls or Eskild. Usually with any other boys around though, he could still tell Isak was a bit afraid of the repercussion. But Isak really seemed to have gotten better. Letting things like the fact that he didn’t like to hear the word _vagina_ were signs of that.

“Anytime anyone talks about anything but you, I say ‘gross’ in my head,” Even joked and then murmured lower into Isak’s ear, not quite caring if anyone else actually overhead this time. “All I want is _your_ dick, baby.” 

“My god,” Isak groaned, audibly now, looking around and then getting up, Even’s hands staying firmly planted on Isak’s hips as he surged upward right behind him, preferring to keep his boner a secret. “Alright, Even and I are going inside, be back in a bit.” 

“We’re going to go fuck around,” Even told the boys with a wink as Isak led him into the house. Isak walked slower as they walked down the hallway towards the bathroom. He pushed his ass a little bit into Even’s crotch, just enough pressure to make Even shiver with glee though it just wasn’t enough. Even craved more, digging his nails into Isak’s sides and then pressing him up against the wall right outside the bathroom door. He pressed him to his chest first, quickly and carefully as he pressed his dick right up against Isak’s ass. The younger boy pressed up further into him at first then spun around in Even’s arms, quickly attacking his lips.

Now Even could feel that Isak was hard, too. His erection was pressing up into Even’s thigh, his hands pressing their way into the collar of Even’s shirt, stretching it as he dipped them down his back. Even kept one hand on Isak’s waist as he guided him to the bathroom, reaching behind him to open the door and then kicking it shut with his foot as he moved to press Isak up against the sink, quickly picking him up and letting him sit on the edge. 

He pulled back from the kiss and looked Isak over, noticing every little bit of his face. His lustful eyes, his dreamy smile that caused his nose to scrunch up lightly. Even nailed some kisses on each angle of Isak’s features, his jaw, his chin, his cheekbones, his nose, then a peck on the lips before he was pulling his shirt up over his head with one hand, the other staying firmly planted at his hip. 

“You know what we’re going to do?” Even said as soon as he caught sight of the back of Isak’s head in the mirror. He didn’t wait for Isak to answer before going on, his mind already focused on how hot this was going to be. “I’m going to bend you over the sink, mkay? We’ll see each other in the mirror and it’s literally going to be so fucking hot.” 

“Fuck, yeah okay,” Isak nodded and started undoing Even’s buttoned up jean jacket. “Did you bring lube and stuff?” 

“I did,” Even smirked, taking a couple of condoms—while keeping one hand on Isak—out of his pocket and a sample packet of lube he had gotten when he bought the condoms. He’d been carrying it since he got it, waiting for a moment like this. “I’m always prepared for this.” 

It wasn’t long before both boys were shirtless, Isak’s pants and boxers down at his ankles and Even’s down far enough that he had full range for his dick. They ran into a few difficulties while Even tried to keep one hand on Isak the entire time, but they finally managed. Even kept him facing him as he opened him up with his fingers, watching Isak clench his whole body in pleasure.That was when Even spun him, rubbing his bare dick against Isak’s hole for a moment or two, tip avoiding his hole but so badly wanting to press inside of him just like that. After a couple of moments and a few moans out of Isak, Even pulled back and rolled the condom on, slathering it in lube then positioning himself. He pressed Isak down more so he would press his ass out more then pressed inside of him. 

It wasn’t long before Isak was mewling and moaning with lust, Even’s hips moving in and out. He was so turned on all night long, he couldn’t help but just get into it as fast as he could. But, for whatever reason, Even thought it’d be better for them to keep quiet, so he slapped a hand over Isak’s mouth as he thrust faster, his one hand staying on his hip for an anchor, Even’s balance depending on the boy who was crumbling beneath him. He bet no one would have heard Isak over the music, but he was so used to having to be quiet that it made sense to him at the time. Not to mention the look in Isak’s eyes as he pleaded beneath his hand, rumbling it as Even filled him with an uncontrollable lust. As he moaned and and bit into Even’s hand, Even knew there would be no holding on. Isak was pressing up into him, while Even filled with an uninterrupted bliss almost too quickly.

Usually, Even would make all of this last forever, but he treated it as the nature it was; a quicky. He wasn’t going to make Isak hold on and he certainly wasn’t going to try to either, so Even found his hips slapping into Isak’s ass fast and rough, making Isak splash into the sink in record time. Even was coming soon after from the look on Isak’s face in the mirror. The wide, blissed-out eyes almost rolling to the back of his head while he voice shouted into Even’s hand. He held his chest to the boys back. He pressed their sweaty skin together, not wanting to miss out on that skin-on-skin feeling they usually got when they cuddled after sex.

“That was so hot, Isak,” Even groaned and then let go of him completely as he pulled out and dipped down to pull Isak’s pants up for him. It wasn’t until they were back on Isak’s hips that he remembered that he wasn’t supposed to let go. “Fuck, that didn’t count, did it?” 

“Hmmm,” Isak hummed as he zipped up his pants then turned around underneath Even’s hands, his eyes still a little droopy from the high of the climax and the mix of drugs and alcohol. That was always one thing about sex at pregames or parties. There was never time to settle back from the climax, no time to cuddle and whisper sweet nothings in each other’s ears until they felt stable to walk again. “It really should but that really was so damn hot. I feel too good right now to do anything about it.” 

“That’s fair,” Even laughed and the squeezed Isak’s hips, “zip me up please,” Even said, having learned earlier that he was no good at zipping and buttoning with just one hand so Isak had to do it for him. Isak smiled and happily obliged before they helped each other put their shirts back on. Once they were decent again and breathing normally, Isak led them out of the bathroom where they ran into Noora right outside the door. 

“Were you guys just fucking in there?” Noora asked bluntly, pointing behind them at the bathroom door. Her eyes were a little red, a little puffy and she was holding her lipstick in hand as if she was planning on reapplying. 

“Is everything okay?” Isak asked immediately, striding over to Noora, making Even follow behind as he held on. “Is this about Eva? What’s going on?” 

“Seriously, I need to put on my lipstick but I don’t want to go in there if it’s all infested by your sex,” Noora sighed and stepped back wiping her eyes and then digging in her pocket and pulling out her phone. “Here, hold this up so I can use the camera as a mirror. It’s the least you can do.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Isak said, taking the phone and holding up the selfie camera for her. Even stayed quiet and observed her applying her lipstick and dodging Isak’s questions. “Are you going to tell me why you’re crying or is that a secret and no one’s allowed to help you feel better?” 

“You don’t want me to feel better,” Noora rolled her eyes, “You just want me to land in some sort of gay paradise with Eva. What if I said I could be happy with someone else? Then you wouldn’t want to help me. I’m pretty sure you never cared about anything I did before things started going on with Eva.” 

“That’s not true,” Isak sighed and handed her back her phone, “I think you’re a good person who deserves happiness with whoever you want to be happy with. I do think it’d be easier for me if it were about Eva because I know her so well. But, if this is about someone else, then lay it on me. I can still at least try to help. Talking about it has to be better than standing outside a bathroom while people are having sex in it.”

“Fine. But seriously, this is a mess,” Noora sniffled and then slipped her lipstick into her pocket, popping her lips a few times before looking up at the boys. “Better?” When they both nodded, she went on. “So, basically yesterday, William came back. And Eskild didn’t tell me that he was at the apartment or anything. So, I show up with Eva and we’re flirting around and we get to my room and there is William. He asked to stay the night and I should have said no but I didn’t. And, before you say anything, all we did was sleep. I told Eva that that was all that would happen too, but today she’s been all off and I just kind of caught her texting Chris Schistad. So I guess she’s done with me but I told William that I found someone else so I’m done with him.”

“Talk to her,” Even said, resting his head on Isak’s shoulder and looking at Noora. “You guys never made anything official, or whatever. But, admit it, you fell and you fell hard. I’m sure you don’t want to hurt her and I’m sure she doesn’t want to hurt you. You guys just need to talk alone. Want us to send her back here?” 

“We’re leaving for the party soon, it’s pointless,” Noora sighed and then looked at the ground, kicking her feet a little. “I wouldn’t even know what to say to her.” 

“I’d say just tell her that you want to be with her, truly,” Isak said, smiling and looking at Even, his eyes gleaming with happiness. It made Even’s stomach flip in a happy way; he couldn’t help but smile back. “That’s what I did and I’ve been happy every single day since then.” 

“It’s not always that easy, though,” Noora kept looking at the ground, “Not everything is a fairy tale or sickeningly sweet. I’ve learned that the hard way before and I don’t know if I want to go through it again. At any cost.” 

“If you think there’s a chance at love, then that’s worth it. Trust me,” Even told her and then kissed Isak’s cheek before looking back at Noora, “Carpool with us to the party and we’ll help you figure out what you’re going to say, okay? You are not leaving that party without her tonight.”  
*

**~Saturday Morning~**

Isak was still asleep. Or at least trying to be still asleep. But, Even was awake, and he was lying next to him, moving around way too much. Isak had kept his eyes closed so far, in fear of Even catching him with them open and trying to get him up for the day. But, Isak couldn’t take it anymore, so he squirmed there on his side and nuzzled his head into Even’s chest with a dramatic sigh. 

“Stop moving, hold me,” Isak said groggy and so, so pathetic sounding. He smushed his nose into Evens shoulder and then wrapped his arm around him tight. Even responded with a hand soothingly tracing down Isak’s spine and a little chuckle. 

“M’sorry, I was just planning out our day, is all,” Even said quietly, his lips pressing to the top of Isak’s head a couple of times. “I have to make sure we have secured hotel reservations though, so I think I’ll step out so you can sleep.” 

“Eveeennn,” Isak whined, holding onto him tighter, “don’t leave.” 

“You’re the one who wanted a date night, and now I’ve gotta make sure that everything is perfect,” Even told him, kissing more towards his forehead. He was trying to pull away, but Isak held on with all the strength he could muster. He was hungover and he wanted to sleep and cuddle his boyfriend. Forget about things being perfect, everything was perfect with Even. “Baaabe, seriously, I’ll just call and I’ll be right back and I’ll cuddle the shit out of you.” 

“Mm, you promise?” 

“Uh oh, more promises,” Even chuckled a little and pulled away, his eyes meeting Isak’s heavy-lidded ones. “But, yes, I promise.” 

“This time there _will_ be repercussions,” Isak groaned a little and then rolled over, letting go of Even and turning his back to him, “starting with a very grumpy boyfriend.”

Even let out a soft chuckle that made Isak’s heart flutter before ruffling Isak’s hair, kissing the side of his head and getting up. Isak closed his eyes and listened to his footsteps as he left the room, listened as the disappeared down the hallway and then finally relaxed again when he heard nothing at all. Except, all he really wanted was Even back and holding him. He was hungover and tired and he knew Even would be the cure-all. He thought for a moment that he should stop that, stop being so dependent and get a grip on himself, but he quickly pushed those thoughts away. He didn’t feel like worrying about it. 

But with the thoughts, Isak was awake. So, he squirmed over to the edge of the bed and reached down on the floor where he dropped his pants the night before. He picked them up and dug his phone out of the pocket, looking for any new texts or notifications. There were a number of new likes on the instagram photo Even had posted of Isak’s before and after of his haircut, but other than that, there was nothing. 

So, Isak fired off a few texts of his own. One to Noora, asking her how things went after she and Eva left the party the night before. And, one to Sonja, who he hadn’t heard from since their last appointment. After Even’s nightmare, Isak didn’t really want to think about the situation, but he still figured he should check up. Just in case there was some way that at least part of the dream would come true, Isak felt he needed to know. He needed to make sure for Even’s sake. He may have to check up on Sonja for the next couple months, extend invitations to her for coffee and stuff just to make sure, but he would do it. He would absolutely do it for Even. 

_Hey, just checking in. How’d things go?_ He texted and then set the phone down on his chest and stared at the ceiling. Waiting for replies. Waiting for Even. Trying not to force himself out of bed to find Even and glue himself to his side the way he felt compelled to.

He wound up drifting back asleep like that. Only partially though, because when Even quietly came back, it startled Isak awake anyway. His eyes popped open as the bed dipped and he looked at his boyfriend who was now directly at his side, reaching for his phone off of his chest and setting it aside for him.

“I’m back, as promised,” Even said with a smiled and then squirmed his body up against Isak’s. He was now clothed, and Isak was only in his boxers, and usually he would complain about the lack of skin-on-skin contact, but he settled up next to Even with ease anyway. “Still sleepy?” 

“Apparently, yeah,” Isak laughed a little and then fit himself right up against Even, draping an arm over his side and dipping his head into his neck. “My head hurts and I just want to sleep and to be held by my amazing boyfriend. My amazing boyfriend who just happens to be the best cuddler in the whole damn world. Just for a little bit longer, yeah?” 

“As long as you need, baby,” Even whispered into Isak’s hair and wrapped his arms around Isak nice and tight. The two of them moved and melted into each other for a few moments until they found the perfect, most comfortable position they could manage while they were tangled up from head to toe. Isak heard his phone buzzing on the bedside table next to Even, but he didn’t care, just relaxed and fell back to sleep faster than he had imagined he’d be able to. 

 

 **~Saturday Afternoon~**  
*  
“I don’t know what to pack,” Isak huffed a little, he had Eskild on FaceTime and Even was in the other room, also packing away his belongings for the night. Isak didn’t want to manage to forget anything, and he also wanted to pick out the perfect outfit for His and Even’s first big, romantic date. “Black pants? Or tan? I feel like I look douche-y in the tan ones.” 

“Agreed, definitely the black,” Eskild nodded away as Isak sat down the phone on the bedside table to face his closet where Isak was searching. “Now, what do you have for shirts? You could be classy and do all black, and then add a colorful tie for the right touch of flare. Like red, green, pink, purple? Blue works too but I’ll bet he’ll be wearing blue.”

“I have a green button up? Fuck, I wish I had time to go shopping,” Isak groaned, putting a hand over his face. 

“Oh my god, no, wear the green,” Eskild said and snapped his fingers, “I’m coming over right now, I’ve got the perfect black vest to go with it. Do you have a black tie?” 

“A vest?” Isak raised a brow and pulled out the green shirt, tossing it on the bed before going ot his dresser to get his black tie. “Like, a sweater vest? I’m not wearing a sweater vest.” 

“Not a sweater vest, Isak,” Eskild rolled his eyes and Isak walked back over to the phone, watching his ruffle through his clothes on the other end. He pulled out the black vest on a hook and held it out to Isak. “It’s like one step down from a suit and if you wear it, roll up your sleeves to your elbows, and keep it all tucked in, you’ll look so hot.” 

“Fine, but you have to bring it over soon, we’re leaving in like an hour, dropping our stuff off at the hotel, getting changed, then going out,” Isak said with a happy sigh. Even apparently had everything planned out nicely, but he wouldn’t tell Isak what was on the itinerary. It made Isak really excited. “What am I forgetting?”

“Condoms? Have you packed the condoms?” Eskild asked over the phone, basically shouting it. Isak was pretty sure anyone at the kollektiv could have heard him. “Or are you guys…” 

“No, no, I mean,” Isak shrugged a little, feeling his face get a little hot as he wandered over to the other side of the room to grab his phone charger. “Right now, we’re using protection. I think someday, maybe soon, maybe not, we’ll get tested and then give up on buying condoms. Because, yeah, I mean. We’re only having sex with each other.” 

“As long as you’re absolutely certain of that, then you have my blessing,” Eskild nodded, “But, I’m heading to your place right now. Make sure you pack toothpaste, a toothbrush, your sexiest underwear, and all your love.” 

“Done, done, and done.” 

*  
When they got to the hotel, Even tossed his bag on the bed and then took Isak’s from him to do the same before pulling him in by the hips and smiling down at his boyfriend. He was excited about an actual, planned out date with Isak. Plans didn’t always work out great for Even, but this time, He had a good feeling. They were going to have the night of all nights, Even would make sure of it. 

“So why did we come here first?” Isak asked as he gently pushed away and walked around the room, examining the interior. It was all white and clean looking; Even had made sure to try to find the best one that he could afford right now, and it looked like he’d had a stroke of luck with this one. Once Isak was done examining, he turned around with a smile and leaned on the far side of the wall, “I mean it seems dangerous, we could end up spending the rest of the day in bed.”

“Oh, no, no no,” Even shook his head, leaning on the opposite wall of the room and raising his eyebrows. He was grateful for the space between them for once, because he didn’t think he could fend off Isak with that smile on his face. “We’re dropping our stuff of and getting out of here. I have everything planned out so we can’t mess up a second. Okay, well, we can mess up a couple of seconds, but not enough to have sex and cuddle and all of that. So, we’re leaving right now.”

“Right now? We’re not even dressed?” Isak said, pushing off the wall and walking over to the bed to grab his bag. “Shouldn’t we get dressed?” 

“Nei,” Even said, looking Isak over once then twice before smiling wildly and reaching his hand out to the boy, “What you’re wearing right now is perfect. We are going to come back here before our dinner reservations at 19:30. We’ll change into our date clothes then. Because, while the first part of our date is romantic—in my opinion—we don’t have to dress up for it.” 

“So where are we going, then?” Isak asked, walking over and taking Even’s hand to lead him back out of the hotel room. They walked out and made sure the door was locked before heading back out of the hotel. There first stop on their date was going to be in walking distance. So, they’d walk there, even in the cold.

“You’ll see,” Even shrugged as they walked out of the hotel together.  
*

They walked through the cold for maybe light fifteen minutes until Even brought them to a playground. It was pretty cold, so it was abandoned, not a kid in sight. Isak let go of Even’s hand and walked in front of him, turning around and walking backwards with an eyebrow raise to ask what they were doing here. Maybe it was just a detour to their destination? 

“I know, this seems odd, but I think it’ll be a good time,” Even smirked and then reached out for both of Isak’s hands. “I thought, as a start, we could relive some old memories. We use to go to playgrounds like this all the time and have fun. Whether it was just us or we had some of the others tagging along. Now, I know we’re older and it’s kind of weird. But, I brought weed.” 

“Weed? You think that’s romantic?” 

“I think it’s going to be romantic as hell, just trust me,” Even wiggled his eyebrows and walked Isak over to the swings, pushing him down into one of them then sitting down in another. He sat in the opposite direction of Isak then dug the two joints he rolled out of his pocket. “We’ll be high for this portion of our evening, coming down for the next, then we’ll be sober for dinner. Are you going to trust me on this?”

“Well, duh,” Isak reached out and plucked one of the joints out of Even’s hands and putting it in his mouth. He leaned forward into Even so he could light it for him and then the two of them passed the joint back and forth as they talked and gently swung. Once they were sufficiently high, they got out of the swings and ran around the playground, running through the castle, stealing kisses and going down slides. Though Isak hadn’t suspected this portion of their date, he wasn’t surprised about the amount of fun they were having. 

Isak laughed as he slid down the swirly slide, coming out the other side slightly dizzy. He got up, grabbed his head for a moment then looked around the playground to find Even. He spotted him over at the monkey bars, climbing up on top of them. Isak mosied on over and looked up at him from the ground. Usually, he had to tilt his head up slightly to look at Even, his boyfriend having a good few inches on him. But, now, he was angling his whole head, looking up as Even sat on the monkey bars right in front of the looming-winter sun. It made him shine even more. It was beautiful. 

“Isak, stay there,” Even said and started positioning himself on the monkey bars, “I did pick this playground because it has the tallest monkey bars around,” he told him before swinging his body down, his legs holding him up as he stayed there, hanging upside down, “So, we could have that Spiderman kiss.” 

“Now I see what’s so romantic about this,” Isak laughed lightly and stepped over to where Even was hanging. It was almost the perfect height, honestly. Isak only had to dip ever-so-slightly for their lips to connect. They had kissed upside down in bed before and it was a different sensation. To be able to press his tongue right against the top of Even’s and pull his plump, bottom lip into his mouth. Isak reached up and let his hands run over the skin that was revealed from Even’s layers slipping down his chest due to gravity. If it weren’t cold, he be wearing less and it would be better, but Isak was able to take what he could get, just glad that Even had planned the moment for him. 

They kissed for a few moments, breathing out their noises. Isak’s hands were swarming all of Even’s revealed and slowly-growing-cold skin while Even’s grabbed at Isak’s hair and shoulders. Isak wanted to continue kissing like this forever. To continue breathing him in and tasting his mouth. It went on for a good while, Isak losing touch of the world around him as he focused on Even’s mouth on his in this way.

“Sorry,” Even grumbled as he slowly used Isak’s shoulders as an anchor to pull back from the kiss, keeping the moment intact for just a second before moving on. “I’ve gotta get down, all the blood is rushing to my head.” 

“Mmm, get back up there, I’ll join you.”

 

After about an hour and a half at the playground, messing around, making out on top of the monkey bars, and swinging, they left and Even led Isak to the next secret location. Isak’s heart was full, feeling so free with Even, a kid in full-on love with his boyfriend just having an amazing time with him. Anything he did with Even would be beautiful and fun, so his heart pounded with excitement as Even told him they were getting closer. Isak looked around for hints or clues. Any signs of where Even may be taking him. 

“So, listen, I know this is totally my go-to, but I stumbled along this exhibit in my search of things to do with you so it screamed out at me,” Even told Isak as they approached museum, big double doors waiting in front of them. “It’s not just art but it’s _galaxy_ art. Paintings of pictures taken of space and stuff. The stars always remind me of you so it felt like fate. Do you hate it?” 

“What, no? Even, that sounds amazing, let’s go in,” Isak smiled and grabbed at Even’s hand, opening the door and tugging him inside. They went to the front desk first, purchasing the tickets for the exhibit—which Even insisted on taking care of—then followed the signs for it. Isak looked around, all the marble and high ceilings making him want to look twice. The architecture of the building itself was art. Which, honestly, Isak would probably never had noticed had he not grown up with Even. He appreciated artsy things a lot more because of his influence. Just another thing to thank him for. 

“So, yeah, I was looking for science-y things, you know something interactive, maybe,” Even said as they entered the exhibit, looking at the paper they were provided and then taking Isak to the left, “But when I saw this, I figured a date like that could wait.”

“Just the fact that you were looking up science related things to do is honestly enough for me,” Isak said with a little chuckle, looking up at the wall at the painting of the galaxy that hung there. He knew Even hated science, but he was willing to bring Isak to something interactive for the sake of making the date something Isak wanted to do. “I wouldn’t make you do something science-y though. Ohh, we should try an escape room one of these days, though, you have to use your mind for those. I think we’d do well together.” 

“I’m just glad you like this, I know art is kinda my thing,” Even said, wrapping his arm around Isak’s waist and looking down at him. 

“Well, I think this is awesome, actually,” Isak shook his head and looked up at the picture, astounded by whatever artist made this look so legitimate. “And the stars aspect gets an A plus for romance.” 

“So the date is going well?” Even asked hopefully, raising his eyebrows and running his hand alone Isak’s lower back. 

“It’s going great,” Isak told him before surging up and kissing him. 

 

 **~Saturday Evening**  
*  
Even made Isak get ready in the bathroom while he got ready in the main room. He was wearing a white button up, a blue tie and grey cardigan. He checked his hair in the mirror a million times, making sure he had one perfect curl hanging on his forehead while the rest was pushed back. Once he was sure he was ready, he went outside the room, finding the flowers he had asked the concierge to drop off for him. Even smiled to himself then notified Isak that he would be stepping outside and knocking on the door in just a few minutes for him.

When Even saw Isak, he couldn’t help but think that he looked so damn mature with his new haircut. He wore the absolute perfect outfit, and Even forced him to let him take pictures, and even let Isak take some pictures of him. They took a few selfies of each other then caught a train to where he had made the dinner reservations. 

At the restaurant, they sat at a dimly lit table, close and intimate with Isak under the light. It felt like they could talk about anything and everything. Even was pending on two topics all night long, wanting to drop them but not quite wanting to drop the mood. It was difficult because this wasn’t a typical first date. It was like no rules applied. And, why would they? They already lived together, they didn’t need to get to know each other. They just needed to let the other know what was on their mind. 

“So, I don’t know,” Isak shrugged, finishing up his story and taking a sip of his drink—they didn’t card him so he wound up getting the same wine as Even, though Even wasn’t actually sure he enjoyed it. “I think that maybe the two of them need to breathe a little, but they’ll find their way back.” He was talking about a text conversation he had with Noora that day, talking about her and Eva’s little fight. Even thought it was cute that Isak was growing so invested in their relationship. It was kind of funny that Noora said he didn’t care before she was with Eva, because Even kind of felt like he didn’t care before he was in love. It was kind of cocky to say that _Even_ changed him, so he wouldn’t. He’d say love. He could see the difference in Isak, knew what he was like pre-love and then now. It was obvious that love brightened him, made him a more happy boy, made him care about everything so much more. It was beautiful. 

“They’ll figure it out, babe,” Even told him, holding his hand from across the table. “Let’s not worry too much about them right now, yeah? I actually thought I’d ask you something. About yourself, no one else. That okay?”

“Of course,” Isak said with a raise of his eyebrow, a little confused. Unsure of Even’s playful tone mixed with the weight of the question. Kind of exactly what Even was going for. 

“So, when do you want to plan to go see your Dad? I want to make sure I’m free,” Even said, licking his lips then taking a sip of his wine. He still felt pretty on edge about the idea of Isak talking to his Dad. A man who abandoned him and was homophobic and mentally abusive, if not physically. But, it was something Isak really seemed to want to do, so he’d do everything he could to make sure that he didn’t get hurt again. 

“I have to call him first and see when he’s free, I just don’t know what to say to him,” Isak said honestly, no stumbling over the truth, just being open and honest with Even. “I feel like I have to be open and precise. Tell him I know he’s been paying your parents, and for now, I’d like him to send it to me. That way he knows exactly what I’m calling for and what my goals are for contacting him. It’ll be on the tabe for him to offer anything else. Maybe I’ll..do that tomorrow.”

“Fine, but I’m going to be in the room with you the entire time you’re on the phone with him,” Even told him, knowing it was kind of ridiculous being so protective, but he couldn’t help himself. He just wanted Isak to be happy and safe. 

“Fine, I don’t care,” Isak shrugged and then the waiter came over with their food. The two of them paused their conversation to thank him then dug into their food instead. Even thought it was fine, he got what he wanted out of the conversation, and at least Isak wasn’t just planning on jumping on a train and surprising the man. Even wouldn’t trust that. 

“Hey Isak,” Even said once they were well into the meals, Isak having caught his eyes a few times mid chew, and Even wanted to make him smile every time. They hadn’t talked much since their meals arrived, only offering each other samples of what was on their plates and talk about their meals in general. So, as they slowed down into silence, Even thought it was a good idea to switch to his next question. As Isak looked up at him, he gave him another smile then went on. “Why don’t you want to be a Russ? For real. Because, I mean, it’s time with your friends, a time to let loose and be free and stuff. I think you’d have a lot of fun with our friends doing all those dares and whatnot.” 

“I mean, it’s not that it couldn’t be fun but…” Isak sighed and pushed his food around on his plate for a little while, focusing on that before he slowly looked back up at Even. “It’s a couple things, like usually I don’t have fun at parties without you there. It’s just good to have you around. Or the fact that I don’t want to be Vilde’s token gay. You know?”

“I mean, I guess, I would totally milk being the token gay, though,” Even laughed a little and then moved his chair around the table so that he could sit right up against Isak. “What if I attend some of the parties. I mean, I won’t promise to go to everything, but I could go to a few. The rest you could spend getting wild with your friends who you have known forever.”

“I’ve known you forever, too,” Isak said, leaning into Even now that they were sitting right next to each other. “What’s going to happen when you go off to uni?” 

“Let’s wait a couple months then think about that,” Even shook his head. “I do know that I’m not planning on going anywhere while you’re still here. Maybe I’ll wait a year, maybe I’ll switch schools after a year, who knows. But, just don’t worry about it at all. And, I totally think you should join a bus with your friends.” 

“Yeah, okay, maybe,” Isak sighed and then nuzzled against Even’s neck a couple of times. “Why do you want me to do it, even though you don’t want to do it?”

“If I was going to do it, it was going to be with my original graduating class,” Even shook his head, “Now it’s not so appealing to me. Besides, all that alcohol and stuff? Probably not great for my brain, so it’s probably for the best, anyway.”

“I’m sorry, baby,” Isak said quietly, moving to kiss, “You definitely should have been able to be Russ with your friends. I wish I could do something for you to make it up to you.” 

“You’ve done enough, Isak, I love you.”

“I love you too, Even.”  
*

As they arrived at the Kollektiv, they didn’t worry about knocking or anything. The music was bumping from inside, and they wouldn’t be heard, anyway. They both knew the plan, get around, talk to people, drink no more than four beers, and then get the hell out of their to spend the rest of the night together, their limbs tangled into one. Hopefully it would go smoothly. 

They were greeted by Eskild first. 

“Even, Isak, this party is _so_ fun,” He said, as if it were rehearsed, and Isak would bet that Vilde made him say that. Eskild pulled the two boys in one at a time for hugs. “So glad you could make it, and you look seriously amazing, both of you. Wow.”

“Thank you for helping Isak out with the outfit, he looks so good,” Even said, giving Eskild wink then grabbing for Isak’s hips again. “It’s been hard for me to keep my hands off of him.”

“Oh no, not that again,” Mahdi said from the table, shaking his head and then leaving the room, patting the boys on the shoulders on his way out. He laughed and made the other two laugh a little two as Mahdi left them alone in the room with Eskild.

“What again?” Eskild asked curiously, walking over to the fridge and looking inside, “Let me get you guys something to drink, we have wine and been and a little cocktail that Vilde made that’s actually quite amazing.” 

“Wine, please,” Isak said, looking at Even with a little smile. He wasn’t the biggest wine drinker, but that’s what they had been drinking tonight. He promised a classy drunk for the night and it was where they were going to stay. “And Mahdi was just talking about last night. We went to the party and Even literally wasn’t allowed to let me go all night. We’re not doing that tonight, though I wouldn’t mind it.” 

“Too bad I couldn’t make it to the party,” Eskild pouted and then shrugged, pouring them wine and then delivering t to the two boys in red solo cups. “Well, I had a date that went on all. night. long. If you catch my drift.” 

“I do and I’d prefer if that was all the detail you provided,” Isak said, bumping Eskild with his shoulder and then heading out to the main room where the music was coming from. He wasn’t sure if the two of them were following him, but Isak wanted to get over the socializing part of the evening so that he could take Even back to the hotel room and have his own all-night-long sex. It was where they should have been already. 

When he walked in the room, there was a lot of whistling. Jonas, Eva, Noora and Magnus hooting and hollering at him to tell him how good he looked. He actually felt good about himself for the date, thought Eskild had helped him nail the outfit perfectly. He felt kind of like a model, and plenty full of himself. Feeling this good on their first real date was probably the good thing about having waited so long. There were no first date nerves, just comfort and all their conversations flowed so smoothly, Isak felt like he and Even could have spent hours at the restaurant talking.

“How was your date?” Vilde asked, popping off of Magnus’ lap and walking right over to Isak. “Wow you look so good. What are you drinking? Is it my punch? Ah, wine, good choice too. So check it out, we have an idea board for themes, another one for dares, another for off-limits dares and I made the playlist you're hearing based on songs we heard at the penetrators party. What do you think, everything’s so cool, yeah?” 

“Yeah, Vilde,” Isak looked around as she pointed everything out, sighing a little and running a hand through his hair. He and Even had just talked about this, and it was possible that Isak was leaning a little more closely to joining his friends on a bus now. Especially because he didn’t want to be the only one left out when all of his friends were partying. But there was still something about it that was making him feel weird about it, and Vilde jumping up and grabbing on his arm the way she did gave him the feeling straight away. “But, seriously Vilde. Let’s be real for a second. Why exactly do you want me on the bus so badly. Tell me the truth.” 

“Well,” Vilde looked down and then up again. “You’re my friend, Isak. Or, at least I think we’re friends. So, I’d want you on my bus so we could hang out and have fun when we’re Russ. I may have overheard Ingrid talking about inviting you on her bus, too, which jut made me angry because, well, we’re your friends, right?” 

“You’re my friends, yes,” Isak sighed and then looked around at the group of people in the room. The closest friends he’d probably ever have. They were all having a good time, playing drinking games and dancing away. “I just...I don’t want to be your token gay or whatever. I get that you think it’s cool or whatever, that all girls think it’s cool for whatever reason, but I’m literally just like any of your other friends.”

“Of course it’s not just because you’re gay, Isak,” Vilde rolled her eyes and smiled, placing a hand on Isak’s arm. “We’re all friends and my biggest thing is numbers. Not—”

“Isak, did you seriously fuck in my bathroom yesterday?” Magnus interrupted, storming on up to Vilde and Isak where they were standing and conversing. Isak widened his eyes and looked around him, seeing Even in a group of people all looking over at the confrontation. 

“Even!” Isak groaned, assuming that he was the one who told him about it.

“It wasn’t me, it was Noora!” Even said, putting his hands up in surrender, a little smirk playing on his face.

“Noora, what the hell, you’re supposed to be on my side,” Isak shook his head and rolled his eyes at her a little. 

“Sorry, it just came out,” Noora laughed and looked at Eskild and Even, “I just told Even that if you guys were going to use our bathroom, it was going to be one at a time from now on.” 

“Oh please, as if you haven’t had sex in there before,” Eskild said, shoving her playfully with a smile. “You and William have gotten pretty hot and heavy in there before. And I bet you have with—”

“Eskild!” 

“Sorry, sorry,” Eskild laughed and clamped his hand over his mouth from where he stood. He rubbed his lips and then looked at Noora, pounds on pounds of worry soaring through his eyes. “I’ve been holding in too many secrets! I’m sorry, I didn’t say anything!” 

“You were about to,” Chris said, looking around the room. Everyone was focused on this now, all of their friends wrapped up in the drama that was suddenly going down in front of their eyes. “Noora, who are you hooking up with?”

“Noora, you’re hooking up with someone? Shut up, no way,” Vilde shook her head and looked around the room, her know-it-all face showing though, this time, she truly didn’t know what was actually going on. “Noora doesn’t just _hook up_ with people, she needs relationships, stability. All of that. So, that’s just literally impossible. Unless it is someone she wants to keep from us? Oh my god, Noora is it one of William’s friends or something? Or is it someone in this room? Elias? Adam?”

“Nei, Vilde,” Noora shook her head and rolled her eyes, Isak watched her eyes flick around the room. Watch them land on Eva, and watched her gain all the confidence in the world in a heartbeat. She just smiled, shrugged a little then used Eskild’s shoulder to help get herself up on the coffee table, looking at everyone and opening her eyes wide. “I’ve been seeing a girl. A very special girl. Someone who I’ve very much fallen for in these last couple weeks. I’ve been keeping it in because I didn’t know how you guys would respond, but now? I could really care less. I just wanted her to know how much I really, truly, deeply do care about her. So, here, in front of all of our friends, I’m just going to tell you I care about you so damn much, Eva.”

She jumped down and walked over to her, pulling her in for a hug that led to the two of them standing there, kissing while their friends cheers. “Beautiful!” Even shouted, clapping for the girls. Isak joined him, clapping along and going to stand next to his man. Of course, the girls opened up a whirlwind of questions from their friends, but Isak was sure it was worth it. Beautiful and worth it. 

Isak was glad that it seemed like Magnus had forgotten that he and Even fucked in his bathroom. For now, at least. He was also glad for the two girls coming out to all their friends, but yeah, mostly he was glad about the Magnus thing. He didn’t want to have to get into specifics with him. Ever. At all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a little long, which just kind of happened but I planned for it to be a somewhat transformative chapter so yeah. I hope you enjoyed and I'm sorry if you didn't but either way, comment, kudo, whateverrr.


	19. Everything That You Are Is Everything That I Need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, here is the next installment! I've been able to write a little bit more lately so that's been nice! Okay, I hope you enjoy. (Not proofread)

**~Sunday Morning~**  
*  
Even couldn’t remember when they let up on their four-drink-rule, but they definitely did. They played three different drinking games with their friends and then when strip poker was mentioned, Even decided to get them out of there. Isak looked amazing in his outfit and Even was going to be the only one who got to see him strip down in what he was wearing. They were still pretty wasted when they got to the hotel, but Even and Isak took turns stripping for each other and then had sex. 

Like, a lot of sex, actually. 

Six times, he was pretty sure. There were times in the middle that seemed to blend together, they could have been one experience, but his brain recalled the number six. His body was more sore from that than the slight hangover he had. Isak always managed to have the worst hangovers and Even did not. He was certainly happy to feel well enough to help Isak when he had the hangover pain.

It was just about time for Isak to get up so they could get out of there before check out time, but Even really didn’t want to wake him. He knew how grumpy he would be, hungover, sore, probably telling Even to not go near his ass. Not that he wouldn’t enjoy taking care of the grumpy boy, teasing him and covering him in so much love it was going to be hard to be grumpy, even through his pain. But, Isak’s sweet, goofy smile on his sleeping face wasn’t exactly something Even wanted to get rid of anytime soon. He had already taken a picture, and a little video of Even tracing the smile with his fingertip, Isak’s mouth slightly opening as his lips curled up into his touch. A sleepy and unfiltered response from the boy that made Even smile more than he already was just thinking about him. But the video and the pictures weren’t ever going to compare to the real thing right in front of him.

He had to wake him, though. Check out time. 

“Isak,” Even hummed, quiet and melodic right next to Isak’s ear. He ran a gentle hand through his hair and then slowly moved to straddle him. “Baby, I know you aren’t going to want to but we have to get up. A downside with hotels will always be check out times. But, we will eventually have no need for them, when we have a place of our own.” 

“Too much words,” Isak groaned, reaching his hands up sleepily as he weakly pushed Even in his lap. Even sat firm on his hips, letting his hands slide down Isak’s bare arms to his bare shoulders, giving them a slow massage. “Fuck check out time.” 

“Wish we could but we’ve got to be conservative with our money if we’re ever going to afford a place of our own,” Even shrugged. Spending the money on dinner, the hotel, and the tickets to the museum was definitely not being conservative, but Even was looking to spend at least semi-big on their first declared date. He wanted Isak to have a good time. But now, he’d really start saving. “So, come on baby, we’ll get up, get some coffee and then take the bus home and you can lay down there if you’re really that hungover.” 

“Ugh, hungover. Why didn’t we stick to four beers again?” Isak asked with a groan, moving his hands up to his head and gently massaging his own temples. Even kept massaging his shoulders, watching as he closed his eyes and tried to remember for himself. 

“It was the damn drinking games,” Even said with a little chuckle, giving Isak’s shoulders a quick squeeze before moving his hands to massage his chest instead, knowing Isak got full-body hangovers. “We respond to peer pressure exactly the way we shouldn’t, you know.”

“I’m aware now, I wasn’t in the moment,” Isak actually laughed just a little, giving his head a shake then quickly realizing how bad of an idea that was. He gripped the sides of his head then groaned. “It was a good night, at least. Worth the hangover. All that sex definitely made it worth it. How many times was it? Six, right? That’s how many condoms you said you brought.” 

Six. That was why Even remembered the number. When he packed six, he wasn’t exactly planning to have sex six times and definitely not in a row—nor did he think it was possible at the time. But, Even suddenly remembered that when he told Isak that he had six, it became a challenge. Isak said that they absolutely had to have sex six times. Even vaguely remembered that they managed it. Very vaguely. 

“I did bring six,” Even said with a nod and a small smile. “I get what you mean, taking it three times in one night does make you pretty sore.” 

“See,” Isak laughed lightly and then pressed his hands to his head tighter, as if trying to hold it together. “No going near my ass today.” 

“Oh, you can still go near _my_ ass,” Even laughed and wiggled his eyebrows. “I’m sore, but I’m not _that sore_. You’re just a baby, I think.”

“Probably because your dick is bigger, then,” Isak said, peaking an eye open and looking at Even for a moment, as if he thought it was too early to be talking about dicks and Even was going to make fun of him for saying it. “You try taking that thing.” 

“Wow,” Even said and laughed, thinking about it for a moment. “But not like...not too big? Like, I don’t know, is it not pleasurable or something?”

“It’s plenty pleasurable, thanks,” Isak said, opening both eyes before giving Even a smirk. “It’s not _too big_. Don’t be so full of yourself, babe.” 

“Well, you did say I was hurting you,” Even shrugged and then pecked him on the lips, “But if you’re still being rightfully pleasured, I’ll let it go. Anyway, it’s time to get up, so let’s go.” Even gave him a little shake that made him whine and then got up off the bed, grabbing his boxers from the foot of the bed and pulling them on. He stretched out and looked over at Isak, rubbing his eyes as he pushed himself up in a sitting position. At least he was getting up.

“Faaaeenn, everything hurts,” Isak groaned as Even tossed him his boxers and then his jeans before walking over to get his own jeans. 

“Wine is definitely not a good drink for getting that drunk,” Even said with a laugh and then picked his own jeans off of the ground. As he did, an unopened condom fell to the floor, making him laugh and shake his head. Five times it was then. “Look, a condom, so we must’ve only had sex five times. Damn, this means that I was the bottom for more times and your ass is still more sore. I _must_ be big.”

“I said _don’t_ be full of yourself,” Isak said, shaking his head and instantly regretting it again. “But, I definitely bottomed three times, so either you only bottomed twice, or your brought seven condoms with you.” 

“Or we forgot one of the times?” Even asked, his heart dropping a little. Though neither of them were showing any signs of STDs, there was always a possibility until they knew for sure. They were being really good, using condoms every time until they got tested. To know that they might have fucked that up and spread something made Even think that maybe they weren’t as mature as he thought they were. Maybe they weren’t as responsible. Did that mean they wouldn’t be responsible to move out together? He couldn’t believe this was happening so soon after everything happened with Sonja. Was Even not learning his lesson? Maybe he was stupid, maybe he didn’t deserve Isak.

“Fuck, you think we did?” Isak asked, his eyes widening as he pulled on his jeans in his sitting position. “Fuck, but everything is probably okay though, right? I mean, there’s only a small chance that either of us have anything, and a smaller chance of actually spreading it, right? It’s...it’s probably fine?” 

“No, Isak, we have to take responsibility for this, okay? When we leave here, we’re going to the clinic and both getting tested.”

“I don’t think diseases can be tested for that soon after unprotected sex,” Isak said, biting his lip and getting up to walk over to Even. He put his hands on Even’s bare shoulders. But, you’re right, we definitely need to take responsibility. This can never happen again so we should get tested ASAP.”

“I mean, if we both get tested right now, and we were both clean, I’d believe that we’d still be clean? So, We’ll just go today,” Even said with a nod, already wanting this in the rearview. He was ready to be in a peaceful place with Isak. He’d do anything to make sure things continued to be peaceful. He didn’t want to wait too long to know that they could be peaceful. 

“Okay, we’ll go today, baby,” Isak said, moving to run a hand through Even’s hair, taking his turn being the comforting one. If he was nervous, he wasn’t showing any signs of it. Even probably needed that with the voice in the back of his mind nagging him for being so stupid, so negligent.  
*

**~Sunday Evening~**

Isak had a lot of homework to worry about. He was trying to worry about it, trying to get it done but it wasn’t actually working. There was a lot on his mind. Sure, he and Even didn’t know if they’d gone unprotected or not the night before, but still, Isak could have transmitted something to him without even knowing it. And that wasn’t okay. He needed to keep Even safe, not share diseases with him. And, on top of that, he still had to call his Dad. 

He thought for hours about what he was going to say to him, but everything sounded wrong. It would either be too long and overdramatic, or too short and rude. He would definitely rather the rude, but it wouldn’t help him get what he was looking for. He needed to find a healthy balance of the two, but it was difficult. It didn’t take long for him to give up on the homework in general. He could save it for later but there was going to be no stopping his mind until he called his Dad. So, he took out his phone, pulled up the contact, and then took a deep breath, pressing call then putting the phone to his ear. 

“What are you doing?” Even asked from across the room, noticing Isak’s quick shift in activity, his quick shift in attitude. 

“Calling my Dad,” Isak said, trying to be confident as he did thought his voice came out shaky anyway. 

“Put it on speaker,” Even said, getting up and quickly walking over to Isak as he put the phone on speaker. He grabbed the phone out of Isak’s hands, set it on the desk, then pulled Isak up out of the seat in one swift movement. He pressed a brief kiss to Isak’s lips and then the next thing he knew, he was sitting in Even’s lap in the chair. Isak relaxed into him and listened to it ring, happy for Even’s decision to let Isak sit in his lap. 

“Thank you,” Isak whispered then nudged his nose against Even’s cheek, brushing his lips over his jaw a couple of times. The phone rang twice more and Isak thought for sure they were going to get Terje’s voicemail instead of Terje himself. He rejoiced in the thought, just leaving a voicemail would be even better. The only rejection it would entail is not getting a call back. He wouldn’t even have to hear his Dad’s voice. But as soon as he felt comforted from the thought, his Dad picked up the other line. 

“Halla?”

“Halla, Pa—Terje, it’s, uh, Isak,” Isak said, his heartbeat picking up, his voice shaking with his hands. “I was just calling to uh, I mean if it’s not—”

“Isak? Like my son?” Terje interrupted his, voice a little harsh, making Isak feel like he knew exactly where the conversation would go. He promised Even not to be hurt by it, but he felt a little sting right where his heart was, a small wish running through his mind in hopes the man could change.

“Yeah, it’s uh—”

“Okay, well, what do you want?” Terje asked, cutting Isak off as if he knew he’d go on stuttering and pausing and searching for words. Like he knew exactly how much of a disappointment Isk was just by his demeanor on the phone. 

“Hello, Terje, It’s Even,” Even suddenly took over, taking the phone and holding it up in front of the two of them while he talked with his head on Isak’s shoulder. “Isak and I were wondering if you’d like to go to dinner with us. We have a question for you and I believe it’d be appropriate if we discussed it in person. Like adults. Sometime this week, unless there’s a reason that you can’t meet us for a civil dinner?”

“Oh, uh, hello Even,” Terje said, pausing and letting out a heavy breath on the other line. “Yeah, fine, I guess dinner on Wednesday would work. I’ll text our reservation details. I do have to go right now though, have a good day, boys.” 

He hung up without either of the boys saying bye. Isak assumed Even was just as surprised as he was. Terje had just agreed to dinner. With both of them? Did he have any idea that the two of them were in a relationship? Was he going to flip his lid when he found out? Was Even even going to be able to be around him without hitting him? Was that why Even was suggesting dinner and calling Terje out on his lack of responsibility, his lack of civility?

“Dinner with my Dad on Wednesday, okay,” Isak finally said quietly, nodding his head. “That is if he actually sends me the reservation details? You’re not planning this so you can hit him, are you?” 

“No, I just want him to take responsibility for once,” Even shrugged and then set the phone down. He nudged his nose against Isak’s jaw and then kissed it a few times. “Are you going to be okay meeting him for dinner? Like, do you promise?” 

“Even, I promise,” Isak sighed and then turned his head, pressing a kiss to his lips. So, his Dad didn’t shoot him down point blank. He still needed to keep his guard up, though. Just in case. His Dad was too unpredictable to put any hope into. “Now, I should probably get back to my homework. Thanks for helping.”

“Oh sure, need any help with your homework?” Even asked with an eyebrow raise. 

“It’s physics,” Isak told him with an eyebrow raise of his own, knowing exactly how Even would respond to that. 

“Alright, then nevermind,” Even laughed and then squirmed underneath him. “Do it while you sit in my lap though.” 

“You’re going to get bored,” Isak said. He wasn’t really worried about Even getting bored. He was more worried about Even distracting him. He didn’t trust Even underneath him like this. It would only be a matter of time until he felt Even poking him in the thigh and distracting him with his sexy low voice that he saved for only sexual occasions. It was really very good at turning Isak on, especially with the boy speaking right into his ear. It’d be better if Even didn’t,. Not that he was going to right-out tell him no because he really did want Even close. All the time. He’d never actually ask him to leave. Not for homework. However, he was already thinking of Even getting sexual that he was turning himself on.

“That’s code for _stop distracting me, Even_ ,” Even said with a laugh, squirming a little bit then patting Isak’s hips, “alright, get up, I’ll leave you to it.” 

Isak got up and then Even got up too. All Isak could do was thank him with his eyes and give him a brief kiss on the lips before the boy went back to his bed, syncing videos to his laptop for some project he was working on. Isak watched him for a moment then sat back down, turning to his homework on his desk and forcing himself to actually get it done. 

 

 **~Monday Morning~**.

Isak didn't sleep too well. His mind was wandering in too many directions. He would easily pass out from exhaustion then fall into a nightmare involving his Dad or his former party flings that could have given him some sort of infection to spread to Even. He'd wake himself up then cuddle into Even and count his heartbeats until he'd pass back out and do it all over again in thirty minutes. Eventually, he find himself memorizing biology vocabulary words to keep his mind busy. It'd probably make Sana happy to know he was actually keeping himself in check, at least. Even had him slipping, just barely but just enough for Sana to start making faces at him when he was getting random questions wrong on their homework. 

Sana actually felt like the right person to talk to. He and Even had been doing a great job with sharing their burdens lately, but this felt different. He didn't want Even trying to get him to cancel with his Dad and he certainly didn't want to make Even panic about their tests. So, he dismissed Even outside of the biology room, claiming that he hadn't finished his homework and he needed to before class. After the breathtaking kiss that followed, Isak stumbled into the room and sat at the desk he shared with Sana. 

“Halla,” he said as he sat down. Usually, he was at the room before her because the bus he and Even took always arrived sooner than her ride from her mom. Technically, he still was there before her, he had just been glued to Even's lips directly outside the classroom when she arrived. 

“Halla,” she said, looking at Isak with a knowing eyebrow raise as he dug his things out of his bag, “you ditched Even. Which clearly means you need something from me. If it's to get you out of bus stuff, you're going to have to tell Vilde yourself.” 

“Nei, nei,” Isak said, shaking his head and sighing, “though I am cursing drunk Isak for making such a big decision for me.” 

“You know you want to do it, Isak,” she told him, tapping her pen on her paper then reaching over to grab Isak's homework off the top of his laptop. “Anyway, is it about the fact that you need help with biology? Finally looking to take classes from the master?” 

“Nei!” Isak said, snatching the paper out from her hands, “this homework is golden, they don't even grade high enough for what this homework deserves.” He tucked the homework into his laptop now, so that she couldn't actually look it over because as much as he wanted to be comfortable with the work that was done, he wasn't. And he could actually really use a good Sana-Isak study session before their next test. And a few more on top of that before finals. 

“Right, well what is it then, Isabelle? You look tired.” 

“The way you say that always makes me feel like I look like hell,” Isak told her. He never really cared so much about his looks, knowing that he looked alright effortlessly. But when Sana told him he looked tired, he felt like he needed to go splash his face, add fifty pounds of makeup, and get Botox or some shit to fill out his features. “So thanks.”

“Why? Actually, whatever, I don’t care,” Sana shrugged and then looked at Isak, squinting at him, “But if you want to tell me what’s up, go for it. If not then I don’t know why you’re here.” 

“I’m here because of class, Sana,” Isak said, squinting his eyes back at her. He wasn’t sure if she was trying to be mysterious, or if his lack of sleep, but she wasn’t making much sense to him. “Are you like, all there?” Isak pointed to his head and then went on, “Because there might be something blocking your brain. Is it Yousef? Oh my god, it’s Yousef. Well, are you going to tell me about it? Did he kiss you? What happened!”

“I’m going to need you to not get all eager about this,” Sana groaned and put a hand on her face. “Besides, I don’t need to tell you about my romantic life. Just because you put yours on display, doesn’t mean we all need to, you know. Not everyone thinks it’s so cute.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah, sorry, that actually came out meaner than I intended to be,” Sana shrugged and then turned back to her laptop in front of her. Her quick apology had been somewhat stunning to Isak, but her suddenly casual demeanor told him they were moving on, that he didn’t have time to be stunned. “Are you going to tell me why you’re not sleeping, or is that seriously not why you ditched Even to talk to me?”

“Well, I don’t want to be disgusting you with my personal life, you know,” Isak wasn’t actually hurt by Sana’s teasing. Yeah, the way she told him he was tired had a negative affect on him, but perhaps it was because she seemed so maternal when she said it, the way his Mom would during one of her spells. So, he nudged Sana with his shoulder and then looked over at her with a smile. When she smiled back, he took it as an okay to move forward, “Well, Even and I have dinner plans with my Dad on Wednesday and he’s actually kind of a nightmare? And now he’s literally becoming a nightmare and so I couldn’t sleep. Or that’s part of it at least.”

“If your Dad freaks you out so much, why would you make plans with him?” Sana asked with a stern eyebrow raise that completely contradicted her soft-voiced response and gentle smile. “Just cancel dinner if it’s going to be bad for you.” 

“I can’t, I need this. We need this,” Isak said, shaking his head and rubbing his temple a little. 

“We? I don’t even know who that refers to, but you need to focus on _you_ and what this does to you,” She told him as she moved to rest her chin in her hand, leaning up against their desk. “Why do you _need_ this, Isak?”

“Closure, at the very least,” Isak said slowly, leaning back in his chair and tipping it backwards carefully. “I want to know where we stand now. Me. Who I am. What I am. And the _we_ aspect probably means the most to me. Even and I might need his help with at least a down payment for an apartment. He’s been paying Even’s parents, so he might as well just pay me, right? For like, as long as I’m in school. That seems fair.” 

“Sure, but you could still figure it out without his help,” Sana told him, looking at him pointedly. “You don’t need to put pressure over him on you about you and Even having a place of your own. That’s unnecessary when there are other ways.” 

“It’s nearly impossible, Sana, when I do the actual math, it seems impossible,” Isak said quietly. He felt a little guilty over the money finally being the reason he reached out to his Dad. He felt guilty that he and Even couldn’t manage to do this on their own when they were supposed to do everything together. They could probably manage, but they’d have to cut a lot out. Way too much. 

“Well, then maybe you need some help from someone who knows what they’re doing and is getting better grades than you all around?” Sana asked, a little twinkle in her eye. 

“Alright class, let’s start by turning in your assignments.”

 

 **~Monday Lunch~**  
*  
For the first time in a while, it was only the boys at the table. No one was off for lunch with their significant others, no one invited their significant others. It was just the boys. So, Even expected a lot of the usual: Magnus letting everyone know (in great detail) how great his sex life was, Mahdi telling him he was giving too much information, Jonas sitting quietly until he could throw in little details about similar experiences, and Even and Isak sitting there, blocking a lot of it out and telling each other stories with their eyes. 

Except, the lunch was a little different. When he got there, the four other boys were talking very seriously. He took his arm and wrapped it around Isak, but Isak didn't lean into him or greet him with a kiss. Even squeezed him then looked around, trying to get a feel for the crowd. He honed in on some of Isak’s last words before they went quiet. “I’m just saying, you never know.” 

“What's going on?” He asked carefully, raising an eyebrow and settling back on Isak. He wasn't sure how serious or severe their conversation was, but there was a slight worry in Isak's eyes that told him to put this guard up. “Did someone die, or?” 

“Nei, nei, everything's fine,” Jonas said shaking his head and shrugging before leaning back in his chair. Suddenly completely nonchalant. “I'm just the only one who hasn't agreed to join the bus yet. And they're acting like they could change my mind. But they can't.” 

“That's fine with me,” Even said with a shrug if his own. He nuzzled his nose against Isak's hair then gave Jonas a semi-playful smile. Still semi serious, he spoke gently yet sternly. “I'd rather not have you drunk and horny on a party bus with my boyfriend.” 

“Oh shhh, Even,” Isak said, rolling his eyes and turning to Even. “You don't have to be jealous, you're invited too. Besides Jonas would be hooking up with everyone else. Every other person, the ones who aren’t completely taken by someone else. Collecting all those good STDs from the single community. Or maybe he'll invite Mikael. Would that make you join? Having your arm candy around?”

“Actually there's no more me and Mikael,” Jonas said, another nonchalant shrug to the wind. As if no earth shattering news could ever shake him. “Not that we ever were _anything_ to begin with. But yeah, definitely not Mikael, and I would definitely get slutty.” 

“What? What happened?” Isak asked immediately, his eyes going wide as he turned back to Jonas. Even didn't want to think too much of it. Didn't want to think that Isak might see a window of opportunity there. Of course, Even would think about Mikael's happiness. And, maybe Isak wanted that same happiness for Jonas. Maybe they was why he cared. Even wanted to assume that it had to be. He didn’t ever think he’d get over the slight jealousy, the need to pin himself against Jonas, though.

“Things were getting kind of serious, it's whatever honestly,” Jonas said, his tone making Even predict the next shrug before it happened. The boy definitely had some walls up in the area of romance, but it wasn't Even's problem. As long as it wasn’t Isak’s problem, anyway. It probably wasn’t, and he told himself that, trying to push the jealousy away. “He and I have plenty of other options, anyway. I wouldn't get too carried away over it. We’re still friends, I'm pretty sure.” 

“So are you coming back over to the chick side?” Magnus asked, laughing and bumping his fists as if this was a win for the heteros. Even couldn’t help a little eye roll, wondering who was going to be the one to correct him. “Too bad Eva's there too, you guys were totally cute.” 

“There is no _chick side,_ man,” Jonas said, sighing and running his hand through his hair, “And I get that you’re somehow uneducated in this day in age but I’m getting sick of the comments. Can’t you at least ask before you say shit?” 

“That’s a good idea, Magnus, if you have any stupid questions or assumptions, please just get them out of the way right now,” Even said, leaning back in his chair as he slid his hand down Isak’s shoulder, side and then finally rested it on top of his thigh. He gave it a gentle squeeze and then flicked his eyebrows up at Magnus. 

“I can ask anything and no one’s going to get mad?”

“Well, as long as you’re not being rude about it, I guess. If it’s stupid as shit, we reserve the right not to answer and you can never bring it up again,” Jonas said, leaning forward in his seat now, on the defensive. “So, Mags, tell us, what stupid things do you have going on in that head of yours?”

“Okay, wait,” Magnus paused, smiling to himself. He was going to have fun with this. Even wasn’t really sure how he had been so uneducated, but he was certain that this could be a trainwreck, “Alright, well, I get that Even is pansexual, Jonas likes everyone or whatever, but Isak? You’re like full on gay, you say, yet what about all the times you hooked up with girls? at parties? How could you do that if you weren’t into those chicks? I mean, they say you can’t _turn_ gay...”

“Uhhh, you can’t but...alcohol is how I did it,” Isak said with a nod. “I mean, there were a number of girls I turned down and then _told you_ I hooked up with to keep up the charade. But, mostly, if I got drunk enough, she’d get blurry enough. Or, I’d picture guys. Celebrities or Even, mainly...which is how I know that I’m totally gay. Guys, yes. Girls...like I get it, I appreciate the way they put themselves together and stuff...but it’s just not what I’m into.” 

“Interesting,” Magnus tapped his chin with his finger and seemed to ponder for a moment, “Okay. Well, how do you choose who’s the girl? Like, I bet Isak is since he’s the full gay and both of the guys he’s been with also do girls. But—”

“Actually, don’t go on, please,” Even said, shaking his head and squeezing Isak’s thigh. He knew his boyfriend probably didn’t enjoy that comment too much. “Because, being _’full on gay,’_ ” he used air quotes, “doesn’t make someone the _girl_ in their relationship. And, actually, there’s no girl. We’re both guys, that’s the point. Neither one of us is going to be more feminine than the other.” 

“We’re even _versatile_ , thank you,” Isak said, leaning up against Even now and pressing his hand over Even’s on his thigh. 

“Okay, what’s versatile—”

“Hang on, I’m getting a call,” Isak said, putting his finger up and then digging his vibrating phone out of his pocket to answer it. Even caught a glance at the caller-ID, a number Isak didn’t have saved to his contacts. Not his Dad, or anyone Even knew Isak was having contact with. But, he knew who it was as soon as Isak answered. “Hello?...Yes, this is Isak Valtersen...uhh, six, twenty-one, ninety-nine. Oh, okay, cool...Hey, are you going to call Even, because he’s right here with me...Bech Næsheim. Oh, you have to—yeah, okay. Thanks, bye.”

“The clinic?” Even asked excitedly. He had almost forgotten. He’d been so into taking responsibility but now he was forgetting? Was he already all over the place again? _No_ , obviously, _what a ridiculous thought_ , he thought to himself. _I’m becoming my mom._ Vibing off her paranoia over his illness. He needed to move out of the house before she completely got into his head. 

“I’m clean, baby, and _you_ should be getting a call in the next ten minutes,” Isak said with a smile, squeezing Even’s hand then pulling it up to his lips, kissing Even’s fingertips and palms. Isak had obviously been nervous about the things he could have gotten from his closet-upkeeping hookups, and now he was just happy to know he wasn’t spreading it to Even. Even himself? Wasn’t all that worried about Isak, but more about himself. Not that he was promiscuous, but it felt like something that would happen to him. Or, he’d be like, carrying something that he could only spread to Isak or something ridiculous. That would be his luck. 

“Congratulations on being clean,” Mahdi said, putting his hand up and high-fiving Isak. 

“Yeah, yeah, congrats. But, versatile, what is it?”  
*

**~Monday Evening~**

****

-Sonja-

****

****  


  


_Saturday_

  


_Hey, just checking in. How’d things go? 09:37_

_Today_

  
_Hey, sorry it took so long to get back, I've got a lot going on. Everything went fine. 17:53_

_Alright, good to hear._  
_We should get together for coffee soon 18:01_

_You want to get together? Why? 18:02_

_To keep in touch. Friendship. 18:04_

_And, since when are we friends? 18:05_

_We might not be yet. But we could be. Let's do coffee at KB on Friday? 18:06_

_Fine. Just you? 18:08_

“Who ya texting, babe?” Even asked from where he sat on the floor with Ana for their lesson. Isak was on the couch, doing some physics readings before he got caught up texting Sonja, just listening to the two of them. They were able to do little jam seasons now in between actual teaching of the instrument. Isak looked up from his phone to contemplate whether or not coffee with Sonja was something Even would want to be apart of right when they finished one of their little jams. That song was going to be stuck in Isak's head forever because it was Ana’s go to when she was getting frustrated with whatever they were going over for the day. 

“Oh, uh,” Isak started, wanting to tell him but not sure how things would pan out. Isak was doing this for Even, first and foremost, but would it worry him? Part of his nightmare _was_ Isak being close to Sonja. Though that wouldn’t happen in a million years. “Actually, I was just texting Sonja.” 

“Sonja? Is everything… Okay?” Even asked, his eyes flicking over to the clueless Ana for a minute. What happened was probably not something he'd want her to know, probably ever. So, he looked a little worried as he set down his guitar and walked over to Isak. Even’s eyes pierced into Isak as he spoke in a hushed tone. “Should we go in the other room to talk.” 

“Nei, everything’s fine,” Isak told him, setting his homework and phone to the side so he could stand up right in front of Even. Once they were face-to-face, he cupped Even's cheek reassuringly and smiled. “I'm going to keep up with her though, we don't want any aspect of that nightmare coming true. Would you like to have coffee with me and her on Thursday?”

“You’re getting coffee with her? Why?” Even asked with an eyebrow raise, reaching for Isak’s phone and taking a look at the texts between him and Sonja. _”Friendship?”_

“I’m just trying to be civil while keeping my eyes on her,” Isak said in defense, snatching his phone back and setting it down before wrapping his arms around Even’s neck. “I don’t trust her. And, I’m not going to actually trust that she...went through with it unless, you know, nine months from now there is no… you know.” 

“I think she probably went through with it, Isak,” Even told him, his hands moving to rest on Isak’s hips now. Isak wanted to pull him close and fall back onto the couch with him, and he would if it were not for Ana and the unfinished guitar lesson. “But, yeah, if you want to go out with her or whatever, I’ll come. It might be awkward, but I’ll come.” 

“Everything about this has been awkward, we might as well keep it up.” 

 

**~Tuesday Morning~**

“So you're going to head there right after school?” Isak asked as he and Even approached the front entrance of the school where all the other students were flooding in to get to their classes. Isak suddenly understood Even’s choice of dress for the day. Layers, as usual since the boy was terrified of being cold during the day. But the business casual button up underneath paired with the khaki jeans definitely said he was work-ready. All ready for his first day of training at KB. 

“Mhmm, so, you'll have to go home without me today,” Even told him. “Maybe you can spend some time with your friends.” 

“Mm, how long is training for?” Isak asked, trying not to pout although the idea of Even being unavailable to him for a long made him want more from him. He had definitely grown used to the overabundance of Even. Not to mention, Isak didn't sleep well for two nights in a row now and he had been hoping to go home and curl up next to his boyfriend and get at least some sleep. 

“Four hours, from 15:15 to 19:15,” Even told him with a little shrug. “I'll probably ask my mom to push back dinner since I should probably tell her I got a job.”

“You haven't told her yet?” 

“Have you heard her yelling and going on about my well-being?” Even asked with an eyebrow raise as Isak pulled him over against the brick building where they used to wait for Sana every morning. Isak was pretty sure they hadn't missed her yet, so he planned to wait. 

“Nei, I guess not,” Isak said as he pressed Even's back against the wall, slipping his hand out of Even's back pocket and trailing it up his side. 

“She's definitely going to be on about how a job will be taxing on my mental health and shit,” Even said as he let his own hands slip down Isak’s back and rest right above his ass. Effectively putting them in their little romantic bubble. “I'd bet on it but I'm sure you don't want to bet against that. Hey, that reminds me, you owe me like 100 kroner over that Noora/Eva bet.” 

“Damn, I thought you would've forgotten about that,” Isak said, smiling and leaning his whole body forward into Even, practically falling into his embrace. Even laughed gently and tightened his arms around Isak, catching him with ease. Isak nuzzled his head into his neck a couple times, wanting to just settle there forever. “Can I pay you in blow jobs instead?” 

“What? Nei, I want my money,” Even said, moving his head to speak closer to Isak's ear. “Besides, we can't just bet with sexual favors that are going to happen anyway. If we were to bet that way, it'd have to be like, sexual _fantasies_. Like, something the other might be apprehensive doing.” 

“It's too early to be thinking so dirty, Even,” Isak groaned. In Even's embrace, he felt himself getting heavier, his eyelids closing, the forces of the universe telling him that now was a great time to sleep. He hadn't told Even that he wasn't sleeping, hadn't been caught up in the middle of the night, but he knew it was becoming more and more obvious. He couldn't help it, gravity always seemed to double it’s weight on him when he hadn’t slept. . 

“It's _never_ too early, babe,” Even said before gently pushing Isak off of him. He took him by the shoulders, eyebrow raised, examining him. Isak knew then that he was definitely going to be putting two and two together. He was definitely busted. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” Isak shrugged with three most innocent expression he could manage while being that tired. To try to solidify that yes, he was fine, he slipped his hands into Even’s back pockets and abruptly pulled his hips into his own. “So can we do lunch, just us two today? Please. I need to make up for those four hours I'll be without you.” 

“Of course,” Even told him, mimicking Isak's own words and his nonchalance before abruptly spinning the two of them around and pressing Isak up against the wall. He leaned in and pressed his lips hard against Isak's, sending fireworks to Isak's brain that told him to wake the fuck up. But, it only lasted a few brief moment before Even was pulling back and flicking his eyebrows up at Isak, “that'll give you plenty of time to tell me why you're not sleeping.”

“Ev—” 

“I'll see you at lunch, elsker deg,” Even cut him off, pressing him firmly against the wall and planting another firework kiss before walking away and seamlessly becoming a part of a group of people who were chatting away. Isak watched for a moment before he caught view of a black hijab out of the corner of his eye. 

“Sana!” He called out, running up to her before moving to walk beside her. “I know, I look like crap, let's talk about something else. How's Yousef?” 

“We've already talked about that, how about something else? Vilde is looking for names for our bus. She's going to want everyone to pitch something today after school, even though I'm sure she's already got something in mind. Any ideas?” 

“As long as she names it something along the lines of ‘rainbow sparklez’ and sparkles is like with a z, it has to have a z, I’ll be happy,” Isak told her, laughing a little to himself. “Considering we’re the most lgbt populated group at Nissen.”

“Wow.”

“Wow?” Isak raised an eyebrow and then had a thought, “Wait a second. Do you.. I mean, with your religion aren’t you supposed to look down on gays. Or are we going to hell or something? Maybe you don’t want Rainbow Sparklez then... Wait. But actually?”

“I don’t think you’re going to hell, Isak,” Sana shook her head and rolled her eyes as if this was obvious news—and it was, really, Isak had no indication that Sana looked down on Isak because of his sexuallity, she always had, and she didn’t seem to have a problem with Even or Mikael.. “Love is above everything, you know. Do you really need me to go into this? Have I acted in any way...homophobic?”

“Nei, you’re mean to everyone, not just the gays,” Isak said with a laugh, shaking his head. “I’m suggesting Rainbow Sparklez.” 

“And I’m totally going to veto that, religion aside.”

 

 **~Tuesday Afternoon~**

Isak walked to the usual meeting spot as soon as his last class ended. He wound up running into Mahdi and Jonas along the way, so he walked and talked with them until they got to the table where Magnus, Vilde, Chris and Sana were already sitting. Everyone greeted each other and Isak sat down next to Jonas on the end of one side of the table.

“Mags, us boys are going to my place after this, if you wanted to come and chill?” Jonas asked, leaning across Isak to look at Magnus, who was all wrapped up in Vilde. 

“All of you?” Magnus asked, raising an eyebrow and then looking right at Isak, “Where’s Even?”

“Even has training today for work, so he won’t be coming,” Isak said with a shrug, trying not to get too wrapped up just in his name, just in thoughts of him. It was hard, because he was already on his mind, basically all the time, and the mere mention of him had Isak missing him already. “It’ll be just us, video games, chilling, weed, you know, the usual stuff.”

“Magnus…” Vilde said, her voice sounding like she was warning him. It reminded Isak of what Magnus had told them about her asking him to quit. He had to roll his eyes because that seemed way too controlling. Even Isak wasn’t _that_ controlling over Even smoking when it actually wasn’t supposed to be good for him. But, weed was perfectly fine for Magnus. It wouldn’t kill him and he wouldn’t get addicted or some shit, so, it was a stupid thing to ask of him. 

“Vilde,” Chris jumped in quickly, reaching across the table and smiling. It was funny because when Isak looked at her, her eyes were warning Vilde. Telling her something unspoken, something that Isak suddenly wanted to know. “You know, that’d be perfect because us girls haven’t done anything alone in a while, let’s hang out, and we can invite Noora and Eva when they get here.” 

“Speak of the devil...or two devils. Maybe three,” Sana said, pointing behind where Isak, Jonas, Magnus, and Vilde were sitting. All four of them turned around to see Even, Eva, and Noora walking up to the table. Isak couldn’t help but spring up, happy to see Even and worried about him not heading straight to KB, but mostly just happy. 

“Even,” Isak said, walking just two steps to meet him, “What are you doing here? You have to go, you don’t want to miss the bus.” 

“Don’t worry, I have time,” Even said with a smile, his hands automatically reaching out to take Isak by the hips which caused Isak to automatically slouch into him. “I just wanted to see how you were doing. Maybe you should skip this and go home to take a nap, baby.” 

“Nei, nei, I’m fine,” Isak told him, forcing himself back into an upright position to prove his point. He and Even had briefly discussed Isak’s sleepless nights at lunch. Isak had been honest, told him that it was about his Dad, but also told him that it would go away after their dinner. That he would be fine until then. Isak didn’t know if it was true, didn’t know if he would survive another sleepless night, didn’t know if seeing his Dad would make it worse, he didn’t know anything. “I’m actually going to hang out with the boys, at least for a little while.” 

“Okay, babe, if you say so,” Even told him with a small smile before leaning in and pecking him on the lips. “I’ll miss you and I’ll text you if I have time to or whatever. Behave.” He laughed a little and then spun Isak around a little, keeping his arm around his waist but moving to address their friends now. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow and I’ll text you later, Chris.” 

“Chris?” Isak couldn’t help but ask, a little shocked to know that Even was texting her. He knew they got along, everyone got along with Chris, he just didn’t know when they became close enough to be texting. He wondered how he hadn’t noticed it. 

“Yeah, Isak, I stole your spot as best friend, sorry, not sorry,” Chris said with a shrug, making Even laugh and squeeze Isak’s side tighter. Isak felt a tiny pang of jealousy. He knew it was a joke of sorts, the thought just struck him wrong. _He_ had always been Even’s best friend, and just because he was his boyfriend, that wasn’t going to change. He didn’t want it to. He wanted to be Even’s everything. He hoped that he was. 

“Whatever,” Isak said, rolling his eyes and then moving to face Even once again, “Now, go, you can’t be late.” 

“Fine, I’m going,” Even laughed, kissing Isak one more time for just a little bit longer this time, “I love you.” 

“I love you, too,” Isak said before reluctantly letting him go and taking a step back. Even gave his sides one last final squeeze before he started backing away, spinning around once he was a good few feet away. Isak watched, like he always did, his heart hurting just a little at the sight of him walking away. 

“You’ll see him later, man,” Jonas suddenly said from behind him, putting a hand on his shoulder and leading him back to the table, “Don’t look so sad. Just relax.” 

“Yes, and we should get down to business,” Vilde said, clapping and getting up out of Magnus’ lap. “I wish Even was here because, let’s be honest, he’s like our most creative friend. But, I’m sure we can get some bus ideas out in the air, anyway.” 

“I would advise you not to listen to Isak’s ideas,” Sana said, shooting Isak quick daggers followed by a small smile. 

“I just think that Rainbow Sparklez with a z would be a great name,” Isak said, shaking his head and smiling. He really wasn’t all that into it, but he did play around with the thought of decorating his russedress with a couple of rainbows. “We could have big, sparkly rainbows on the back of our jackets. It’s honestly a great idea.” 

“Seriously, Isak?”

 

Arguing about Russ things was actually kind of fun. Isak had thought he was going to tell Vilde that he wanted to put off planning or participating until the next year, but It didn’t seem so bad right now. No one really agreed with names, no one really agreed on themes, but everyone had valid points and Isak was totally fine listening and laughing along when someone else came up with a stupid idea. Chris had suggested the interactive name of “fuck with us,” saying that people would want to fuck with them if the name suggested that they should, and Vilde responded that they might as well name the buss “Chlamydia” in that case. Basically, nothing was serious. But, Vilde went home with a list of her favorites and said she was going to do some “research,” to decide the top three that they would vote on. 

After, the boys took a bus to Jonas’ house and hung out in his room, smoking joints and playing video games as promised. They played one on one, taking turns playing each other and making a tournament out of it. Isak and Magnus were out and Jonas and and Mahdi were competing for first place. 

“Is it lame that I miss him when he’s gone?” Isak asked, high and thinking about Even as he sat between Jonas and Mahdi while they played. He still hadn’t gotten any texts from him and it just felt like it had been so long. Which, he knew was ridiculous, but it was where they were at right now. The weed probably didn’t help. “I mean, I think someday, I’ll be more used to it. But, right now I just miss him.” 

“I think it’s cute,” Jonas said to the left of him. Isak was basically slumped against him, his eyelids getting heavier every moment he sat there between his two friends. 

“As long as you’re not too dependent, anyway,” Mahdi said from the other side. 

“M’not,” was the last thing Isak remembered saying before passing out with his head on Jonas’ shoulder. The boys must’ve changed the subject or moved on, because they didn’t seem to notice as they finished their game. The next thing he knew, he was being jolted awake by Mahdi’s victory scream. Isak suddenly sat up, rubbing his eyes and watching while Mahdi danced around. 

“Dude, did you drool on my shoulder?” Jonas asked, looking at his sleeve and touching the little wet patch of drool Isak had left there. “Gross. Wait. You were sleeping?” 

“Yeah, I guess I passed out, sorry,” Isak said, rubbing his eyes a little more and standing up to stretch out a little. “I haven’t been sleeping much so, I guess the weed just decided that I was going to pass out. Sorry about the drool.” 

“Not sleeping? Everything okay, man?” Magnus asked from where he was sitting, rolling them up another joint to smoke. 

“Yeah, no need to worry just yet, I’ll let you know when you can worry, though,” Isak joked a little then plopped back down on the bed next to Jonas, wondering if falling asleep on Jonas was something he was supposed to tell Even about. Wondering if it was something that would make him jealous, or if it was just no big deal. 

“Want me to take you home so you can sleep?” Jonas asked, “I can use my mom’s car so you wouldn’t have to risk falling asleep on the bus.” 

“Sure, but I’ll stay for a little bit longer.” 

 

 **~Tuesday Evening~**  
*  
When Even got home from training, Isak wasn't there. Even had known he'd be out with his friends, but he thought he'd be back before he got home. Part of him was upset, he wanted to see Isak and tell him about all the new fancy coffees he could make for him or was going to learn to make. He wanted to see him and hold him and ask him how his time was. To get every detail of their separation. Another part of him was glad Isak was spending time with friends. As much as he wanted to be Isak's absolute everything, he couldn't let himself be. 

Isak could be his everything, but Even couldn't be Isak's. Not with his unpredictable mental disorder. It wouldn't be fair. So, he was glad Isak was out. He just missed him. To try to get himself over it he sat in his room and did a little homework before he started doodling too much and decided to draw some comics instead. 

When Isak did come home, he was wearing a beanie Even didn't recognize. Yellow and pulled almost completely over his eyes to hide them. Even looked up from where he was sitting at his desk and watched as Isak removed some layers. It took him a moment to realize Isak didn't realize he was in the room, he was looking down at the floor and keeping to himself as he stripped. Even had to clear his throat to make his presence known. 

“Shit sorry, I didn't see you there,” Isak said, jumping and pulling the beanie off his head. “I had this covering my eyes just in case I ran into your family. Jonas said they're still pretty red so he gave it to me.” 

“Oh okay,” Even said quietly, staying where he sat and watching Isak as she unwrapped the scarf on his neck. He kind of hated that Isak was sharing clothing—if even just head clothing—with Jonas. “What'd you guys do besides get high? Play video games?” 

“Exactly,” Isak said and then walked over to Even, plopping down into his lap and snuggling up with him. The boy was so exhausted and Even was reminded of the thoughts plaguing his mind. He knew this would happen. He knew the option of Terje being in the picture was going to mess with Isak, but Isak insisted, and now he was open to getting hurt. “But I also fell asleep on Jonas’ shoulder for a little while _and_ he drove me home. I thought I'd let you know.” 

“Thanks,” Even said with a little sigh. He wanted to be cool with it, but there was a part of him that felt like it'd always say it wasn't alright if Jonas was part of it. He was civil with the boy, but Even wasn’t sure he’d ever actually like him. “Dinner should be ready soon, so why don't you use some eye drops or whatever?” 

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Isak said, getting up and then walking to the door that separated their two rooms. As he swung it open, he paused and looked back at Even, “you're not mad, are you? Because, I'm sorry, it didn't—”

“Is, it's fine, I'm not mad,” Even told him immediately, shaking his head and running his hand through his own hair. “It doesn't make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, but I'm not mad. You had fun, didn’t you?”

“I did, but I missed you,” Isak told him with a little smile before walking in the doorway into his own room. 

 

“So, I have news,” Even told his family at the table. Isak was sitting beside him, quietly eating everything he could, still obviously high to Even. He sat up straighter when Even spoke and turned his head to look at him. Even reached down and squeezed his thigh while he looked around the table to make sure he had everyone else’s attention. “I was late today because I was at training for my new job. Because I got a job, at a coffee shop in town and it’s a lot of fun and a really important step for me.” 

“A coffee shop, huh? What’s the name?” Martin asked curiously before popping a piece of chicken into his mouth. 

“Kaffebrenneriet,” Even said with a nod and a smile to his Dad before flicking his gaze to his mom, waiting for her to fire at him. She was chewing a piece of food and appearing to be thoughtful. “It’s only part time and I’ll be keeping up with all my school work. I just wanted to save up money. So that Isak and I could get a place together, on our own.” 

“This again, why are you trying to punish us this time?” Josefine asked, looking up from her plate with a frown plastered on her face. Like Even had just stabbed her right through the heart. Because he was the worst kid in the world. “We’ve been incredibly flexible with the rules, we’ve let you do your own thing, we do everything we can for you and you’re still not happy living here?”

“This isn’t about any of that, I swear,” Even shook his head and refrained from rolling his eyes. So, yeah, he did think time away from his parents would be good, but honestly, he really just wanted to be able to be with Isak alone. “I just, I’m nineteen, I’ll be starting uni maybe next term and I want to live with my boyfriend. Alone with him. Like adults. He’s looking for a job too.”

“Plus we’re making a visit to my Dad to see if he’ll start giving me that money he’s giving you,” Isak said to the side of him, between bites of his food. Even wanted to put his hand over his mouth, to tell him to let Even handle this. 

“Your father? When is that last time you saw him?” Josefine asked with a concerned eyebrow raise, looking directly at Isak. He was pretty sure she thought she could get through to Isak before she ever got through to Even. 

“It’s been awhile,” Isak shrugged and looked back down at his plate, “But it’s going to be totally fine. Whether or not he decides to give me the money, it’s fine. Even and I will figure it out. I know we could.” 

“Well, I think this is wonderful news,” Martin said, with a little smile. When Josefine gave him a look, he just shrugged and looked at the boys across the table. “I think you two know what you want and you’re going for it and that’s a really admirable quality. To have that drive to work to get to where your want to be. That’s truly inspiring. You’ve got my support. Our support, right Josey?”

“Well, sure…”  
*

**~Wednesday Morning~**

 

Isak found himself amidst another sleepless night. He'd curl up into Even, move away from him, and nothing. He'd try every conceivable position, on his stomach, on his sides, on his back, one leg bent, another straight, both legs bent… But nothing. He had thought that Even forcing him to talk about it would clear his mind, keep his thoughts from swimming around. 

But no. He was awake, wide awake. Thoughts of his Dad flat out rejecting him making his chest tighten, sometimes making it hard to breathe. This time, the need to breathe completely consumed him, his body jolted up as he tried to suck in the breathe as hard as he could. Except, it didn't work, and suddenly he was gasping. 

He moved to the edge of the bed and swung his legs off the side. Gripping the sheets that hit the corner of the mattress, his chest tightened and he coughed and gasped for more air. He suddenly wasn't sure what to do, why no matter what he did, the air wasn't coming through, wasn't enough to calm him. It felt like he was dying. His vision started tunneling and his ears started ringing. 

“Isak. Isak!” His voice was muted, as if there were a barrier of water between the two of them. But Isak felt his hands grabbing at his waist, felt him move to press up against him. Even moved so his bare chest suddenly pressing to Isak's back, his hands slid to his stomach, “what's going on? Are you okay? What do you need me to do?” 

“Can't… Breathe…” Isak gasped and moved his hands up over Even’s on his stomach. He felt like he needed space, that everything was closing in on him but somehow Even's touch was comforting. He wanted to pull himself away and press himself to him tighter at the same time. Would anything even help? 

“Shit, okay, okay, wait,” Even said, sliding back and pulling Isak with him until they were in the middle of the bed with Isak been his legs. He spoke and helped Isak move his limbs, “Pull your knees to your chest and put your head between them. Deep breaths. Breathe with me.” 

Isak did what he was told to the best of his ability, not really sure how having his head between his knees would work but being willing to do anything to make this stop. He followed Even's breathing, the feeling of his chest expanding and deflating on Isak's back bring the primary indicator. He listened for the subtle sounds of the breathing as well. Completely focusing on Even as he breathed, on Even's hands gently running up and down his shins, on his warm skin pressing to Isak’s clammy skin. 

It wasn't long before he realized he was breathing again. That oxygen was efficiently making its way to his lungs. That his vision was starting to come to. That his ears were no longer ringing. He slowly picked up his head and looked through the dark in the room, trying to get a full grip on his settings, on what had just happened. 

“Hey, shh, baby,” Even’s voice came in and out in his ear. He pulled him to lay down on top of him, his back still pressed to Even’s chest. “Let's just lay here for a moment so you can get a grip.” 

“I feel like you just saved my life,” Isak said incredulously, not being able to escape the amazement from dripping into his voice. His head was resting on Even's shoulder, but he continued to look up at the ceiling, “How did you know what to do?” 

“What do you mean, how did I know? It was a panic attack, you used to get them all the time,” Even said, his hands roaming around Isak’s stomach and chest now. “Why would it be any different?” 

“What? I never got panic attacks,” Isak said, shaking his head, thinking of what had just happened. He surely would have remembered having something like that. Especially if it had happened frequently. “You must be thinking of someone else. I hope it’s not Mikael.” 

“Nei, Isak, it was _you_ when you were like, five I think, maybe,” Even said squeezing around his lower stomach before letting his hands roam along his hips and the elastic of his boxers. “You would just get like, overwhelmed sometimes. Like, really stressed because kids weren’t supposed to think as much as you did. And, when I asked my mom, she said that that was what would help you. Well, a more PG version. But, yeah.” 

“I don’t remember?” Isak asked himself, knowing that it wasn’t too unnatural to forget things from when one was so young, and that perhaps it was _too_ traumatic so he pushed them to the side. He was going to try to get some more information, going to try to trigger the memories. “What was I getting so stressed about, though? I wasn’t stressed about my dad back then.”

“No, and I don’t know what you were thinking, I never asked because I didn’t want to make you think about it,” Even said slowly, thinking his words over as if trying to remember it better. “I always wondered, though. It only happened like three times when I was around, but I guess it was often. The times when you were with me, we would just be doing homework or playing video games or something.” 

“Maybe it was because I was in love with you,” Isak laughed a little. He certainly didn’t know he loved Even at the time, didn’t believe he was capable of accessing such a big feeling at such a young age. But, perhaps he always did love Even. He was his soulmate, after all. “And you would say something that would astound me or touch my arm and I couldn’t comprehend why my heart was skipping a beat. So, I’d think about it and think there must be something wrong with my heart.” 

“That’s not really it, though?” 

“Nei, or, I don’t know. I just made it up,” Isak said and then put his hands on top of Even’s on his hips. He laced their fingers and then slowly pressed their hands down into his own boxers. “I can’t remember. I’ll think about it. But, wow. I can’t believe you know more about me than I do.” 

“I suppose the human brain just holds so much,” Even said with a little shrug, letting Isak’s hand guide his deeper into his boxers. He even added his own extra pressure as Isak let them graze over his own member, once, twice. “Maybe you’re smoking away all your memories, babe.”

“Nei, you were just old enough to remember and I suppressed it,” Isak said quickly, he was slowly losing focus, guiding Even’s hands to wrap around his dick. “You are absolutely perfect for me, you know. It’s so sweet how much you care.”

“Are you looking to have sex right now?” Even asked, swallowing hard underneath Isak. Hard enough he could feel it. It was the early hours of the morning. If Isak played his cards just right, Even would tire him out enough to sleep for the majority of the couple hours they had left to sleep. He wouldn’t have thought of it had he not thought about the idea of Even knowing more about him than he did and wanting to sleep with him because of it. 

“Could we?” Isak asked kind of shakily. “It’ll help me sleep…”

“Isak, you were like, literally in the most literal way _just_ having a panic attack, and now you’re horny,” Even said, shocked, sounding astounded to Isak, even. Isak didn’t really know how he felt by the sudden change of pace. He just assumed that Even’s hand playing with his dick meant that he was in. Isak squirmed a little at the touch, the realization of sex suddenly being on the horizon making him crave more, making Even’s touch resound and tingle through his nerve-endings. “But, if it’ll get you to sleep, even a little, I’ll definitely help tire you out.” 

“God, yes,” Isak groaned and then slowly flipped on top of Even, sitting up to straddle him and press his hard-on between his legs. As weird as it was that he literally just thought he’d die and now he was about to get laid, he was so glad for it. He thought Even’s body was the perfect distraction. He thought that sex was the perfect way to get his mind as far away from his Dad as possible. “Do you have any ideas or plans on how you might go about that?”

“Well, sweetheart, I know you’re going to have to do a lot of the work,” Even said, his voice suddenly dropping lower, his eyes darkening as his gaze grew lustful as he focused on Isak in the darkness. “But, I’ll be helping out. Like, first, I’m going to want to get your dick in my mouth. Right now.

“Okay,” Isak said, gulping a little at the word _dick_ coming out of Even’s lips that way. So dirty and so sexy. He started to move to get down so that Even could could get on top of him, but Even suddenly grabbed his hips and kept him in place, now hovering over Even’s abs, on his knees. Isak looked down at him, wondering why he was delaying the _right now_ , and he was shaking his head. 

“No,” Even said before letting go of Isak’s hips and putting his hands up to the sides of his head, pointing to either side, “put your knees above my shoulders here and use the headboard for a grip and just go wild, sweetheart.” 

“Seriously?” Isak bit his lip, sitting up more straight as his dick twitched at the thought of fucking Even’s mouth like that. “You want me to...ride your face?”

“It won’t be the only time you ride tonight, promise,” Even laughed and put his hands back on Isaks hips, helping Isak find the perfect position with his knees on either side of Even’s head. Isak hovered above his face as he found the perfect places to grip onto the headboard. He was nervous though, this definitely wasn’t something he’d done before, and really, he’d only assumed it existed in porn. He was looking down at Even with worry when he spoke a little more, “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine, but if, for whatever reason I’m not okay, I’ll just pinch your thigh.” 

“Okay,” Isak said his heart racing as he positioned himself to slip between Even’s plump lips. Even opened his mouth and throat and let Isak slid right in, the warmness surrounding his length while Even’s tongue caressed it gently. Already, it felt amazing and as he pressed further and down Even’s throat, he couldn’t help but tilt his head back and let out a little moan. He went slow at first, moving his hips back and forth, hoping to make Even comfortable with the position. But, with Even wrapping his lips tighter or pulsing his tongue, Isak couldn’t help but want to move faster. He made sure to warn Even with a breathy moan of the words, “a little faster now.”

He watched Even nod his head the little way that he could then slid himself out of Even’s mouth almost all the way before beginning to pump his hips into him faster now, The pleasures of the blow job doubled in this way. It gave Isak more control of what was going on and it seemed more erotic. With Even not being able to contemplate every next thrust or movement in general, he seemed more spontaneous with his tongue movements. 

“Fuck, baby, feels so good,” Isak groaned, his dick sliding in and out of Even’s throat at a pretty even pace now. He was shocked at how easy this seemed for Even, who had his hands on the back of Isak’s thighs, moving them from there to his ass at any given time. It was really his only form of any sort of control and he was taking it so well, his eyes closed, head bobbing ever so slightly to meet Isak’s thrusts. Isak felt himself building up so quickly, the heat of the moment and the spontaneity of the action consuming him. 

He didn’t want to come yet, though, he needed to be so much more tired than this. He couldn’t help but moan some more when he looked down at Even taking him like that. He couldn’t fucking believe how beautiful everything was just then. He tried to hold on, though. He wanted to do this for almost forever. Before he thought he might come he pulled out, 

“Isaak,” Even whined a little grabbing tight onto Isak’s hips, pulling them back close to his face. “Don’t stop until your finished. Come on, don’t worry, I’ll get you hard again.” 

And he did. 

After Isak was coming down Even’s throat, Even pushed him off and tackled him down to the opposite side of the bed, planting little bites along Isak’s shoulders, collarbones, and chest. Isak was already buzzing from his climax, making Even’s touches ten times more potent on his skin. Isak let him bite and kiss and suck, let Even’s fingers trace between his thighs, every so often reaching up to stroke his perineum. Isak just mewled and moaned as he felt himself building back up. 

“Lube, come on baby,” Isak groaned after a while, starting to feel teased. 

“Condom?”

“I, uh, I guess no, huh?” Isak found himself laughing in the dark. Their parents would be proud that they still had been using condoms just out of habit. They’d be like, almost done and one of them would remember every time that they had sex—which, they kind of had sex a lot, actually, Isak almost couldn’t imagine how much more that they might have in an apartment to themselves. It was kind of invigorating to think about. Especially with how good Even made it seem it would be without a condom. “Yeah, no condom.

“No condom,” Even repeated and smiled a little at him, pulling back so he could lean over and grab the lube out of the nightstand. Isak was panting where he stayed lying, moving his hands to touch himself around his dick, palming it just a little. “So, the next plan is I open you up so you can ride me. That can be a lot of work.” 

“Yeah, fuck baby, I’ll do anything,” Isak told him with a nod. That plan would probably do the trick, though. Riding Even always tired him out. He squirmed as he waited, watching Even slather some of the lube onto his fingers to get ready to prep him. 

“So eager,” Even said with a laughed before he started opening Isak up. Even added fingers slowly as Isak let out little whiny moans. His entire body was buzzing with the feel-good, goosebumps everywhere. He loved how intense everything felt, the second build to the climax keeping his body on high, keeping his mind in the clouds. Once he thought Isak was opened enough, Even pulled away and tossed him the lube. Even then lied down on his back, kicking off his boxers and letting his dick spring free. “Come on.” 

“I don’t think I’m the only one who’s eager,” Isak laughed, shaking his head and putting some lube in his hand before moving to wrap his hand around Even’s dick, slathering it on slowly to give Even a little bit of a build up. After he started letting out low little moans, Isak slowly moved to straddle him, lining himself up and looking down at Even. He couldn’t help but groan as Even’s bare tip grazed his hole, the groan growing into a whine as he sank down onto Even, “Fuuuuuuuuck, so good. I can’t believe….”

“Mmm, I know, fuck,” Even groaned as Isak took him in completely. He reached up and gripped Isak’s hips, obviously very eager for Isak to start going. Isak was starting to become very used to the stretch, but when he was riding Even, it was always a little deeper, always need a second or two longer than normal. But, God, the second he was used to it, it was pure bliss. 

Once Isak’s body felt ready, he leaned back, resting his hands on Even’s thighs as he started rocking his hips. He let out little moans as he moved slowly taking in the agonizing bliss as they started really building up. After too many agonizing moments of that, he pushed up so that he could lean forward and look at Even. He caught Even’s eyes with lust and hunger swimming through his wide irises. He couldn’t help but drink in the way Even looked at him. He pressed a hand to Even’s chest and looked at him with lips parted in an amazing bliss. Isak started bouncing his hips faster as they stared into each other’s eyes in the dark. 

“I love you, I love you, I love you so much,” Isak was crooning as he bounced, moving back up to stay up straight and move faster. Because, oh God it just felt so good. 

Even squirmed a little, pressing up to meet Isak’s movements everything now and again as they moved. As usual, he was much more quiet than Isak, but his few breathy moans and cusses did seem to be more often this time around. And, even though he was on top, literally, Isak literally had no control. Even really must of had the goal of getting Isak tired as his number one priority, because Isak would get going, feeling himself starting to get close and Even would grab at his hips as hard as he could and hold him still, making him stop and then guiding him in agonizing ways to keep him at one level. To stop him from coming. 

It was hard to tell if Isak was going to be tired, though, when they were in the middle of this. He felt so high and excited and blissful, he felt like he could go for hours—especially if Even kept doing what he was doing. But, he did feel the muscles in his legs starting to tell him they were done with working out, and that was when he knew he was going to be done with listening to Even’s commands. He was going to get the both of them off, as fast as possible. 

The next thing he could fully register besides the absolute bliss soaring through his tired limbs was Even coming inside of him just after Isak himself had spilled onto Even’s stomach and abs. It was warm, filling him up and coating his insides with a sort of soothing feel to dress the climax. That’s when he wanted to collapse, and he thought Even could tell because he shot up, wrapping his arms around Isak and flipping the two of them over. 

“Now, you relax,” Even said quietly as he slowly pulled out, which wasn’t so harsh with the bit of Even that had spilled into him, Isak let himself become a part of the mattress as Even started kissing him all over, starting from his jaw, all the way down his toes. Isak fell asleep as he did, he wasn’t even sure when the boy had stopped, when he had gotten back to sleep, himself. All Isak knew was when they woke up, it was to Even’s alarm—earlier than usual because they desperately needed a shower.

 

 **~Wednesday Lunch~**  
*  
While Even enjoyed their early morning slash late night activities, but he didn't get around to asking Isak about the cause of the panic attack. He knew that it was about his Dad without Isak telling him, sure, but he didn't really know all of what was going on in Isak’s head. And well, Even definitely preferred that Isak wouldn't have another freak out like that again. It had always scared him, made him think he wasn't going to be able to do anything to save the boy when he was younger, and now, secretly, he worried that one day he might not be enough to get him down and out of that state. 

They'd woken up late and had to rush to get to school, giving them no time to talk a little bit about Isak’s mind and what was going on. Even wanted to ask, but Isak seemed to be able to captivate the subject of their talking with one thing or another. So, now, Even was waiting in an empty classroom, knowing that Isak would walk by any moment on his way to the cafeteria to meet him and the rest of the guys. He would pull him inside and talk to him about it. Because, well if Isak was having panic attacks because of his Dad, then maybe they shouldn't be making contact with him and pulling him back into Isak’s life.It was important to Even that Isak felt safe and unburdened by bullshit like that. 

Mostly, he wanted to know if there was something to worry about. If maybe there were parts if Isak’s past that Even was unaware of that were resurfacing. Something that needed to be addressed for Isak to move forward. It was important to know this when keeping Isak safe. So, when he spotted Isak walking down the hallway—by himself as he usually tended to be—Even grabbed him by the arm and quickly pulled him into the room. 

“Agh!” Isak grunted as he stumbled into Even, gripping onto his arms to get balanced. He looked up at Even with wide eyes, growing more wide as he registered who Even was. “Even! Jesus, you scared the shit out of me. I thought I was about to be murdered or like, abducted by Ingrid and her friends.” 

“Sorry,” Even couldn't help but laugh, moving his hands to grip on Isak's elbows as he looked down at him. He looked into Isak's eyes, watching the initial shock disappear as a smile started playing at his lips. Even loved that Isak was always smiling around him. It really was something bright in a world that wasn’t so bright. “I just wanted to talk a little bit before we went to meet the boys.” 

“Alright, talk about what, baby?” Isak asked with an eyebrow raise, letting go and moving to wrap his arms around Even's neck now. Even moved his hands to Isak's waist and backed him up against a desk before lifting the boy up on it. 

“There's no way you don't know that I want to talk about that panic attack you had,” Even said, raising both his eyebrows at Isak. Even had figured that Isak would be expecting Even to say something, knowing that he wouldn't just let it go. Perhaps he thought he was out of the woods because Even hadn't said anything about it that morning. Whatever it was, Even knew Isak wasn't stupid, he had to know it'd come eventually. 

“Yeah, that,” Isak groaned a little and shrugged, “I don't know. It was like every other night this week except then suddenly I couldn't breathe. I don't think I had any profound thoughts or anything. I was just thinking about when we see my Dad...tonight. I don't know.” 

“Were you worrying?” Even asked calmly though he felt like Isak might've been being stubborn and keeping the major details out of it. Acting more dumb about it than he probably was.

“Yeah,” Isak admitted, breathing out through his nose and looking up at Even. “And I know, I swear I've been telling myself not to get my hopes up but… I don't know, out of everything I'd rather he hate me because I'm just like, a terrible kid, not because I'm gay. There's just something about him hating me over that, that just freaks me out.” 

“I understand, Isak, it's all understandable,” Even told him, squeezing his sides and stepping as close as he could between Isak's legs. He slid his hands down to his outer thighs and squeezed again. “If you were a bad kid, so to speak, you could correct your behavior. Easy. But, you can't change who you are. So, if he didn't like you because you smoked weed, then you could stop smoking. You can't stop being gay...or am I totally off point here?” 

“No, no, that sounds right,” Isak said with a nod, taking advantage of Even's proximity by letting his upper body fall forward into Even's. His head landed on his chest and he sighed into the fabric that rested there, a brief warmth spreading where his breath hit.

“Okay,” Even sighed a little too and wrapped his arms around Isak, embracing him tight with his arms. “Well, you need to know that people who don't want to be in your life because of who you are don't belong in your life. They're no good. They're toxic. Even if they are family. Please Is, don't stress about that.” 

“I'm trying.” 

“Good,” Even bit his lip and worked then thoughts he'd been having through his mind once more. “But, listen. I was thinking, I mean, you said you’d do therapy if I did, right? I mean, I can give it a shot if you will? It’d probably help you figure out how you knew when a panic attack was coming on or help you work through all those scary thoughts before you even have them. I just think that It’d be good for you. That I’m not the only one who might benefit.” 

“Seriously?” Isak asked, back to being shocked as he reached up and ran his hand through Even’s hair. When his hand reached the back of Even’s head, he gripped on and pulled Even’s head forward, letting their lips rest centimeters apart, “you’re on then, let’s do it.”  
*

**~Wednesday Evening~**

“Are we late? What time is it? Oh my god, we’re going to be late,” Isak was freaking out, inside and out. They were on the bus to meet his dad for the reservations he had made and Isak _swore_ the bus was being extra slow just to make his life worse. He couldn't stop tapping his foot as he stared out the window, getting closer and closer to their stop. What would his dad do if they were late? Would he leave? Would it be the last they heard from him?

“Isak, we're right on time, relax,” Even said, almost too calm to his right. His arm was wrapped around Isak's shoulder while his other had his hand rested on Isak's lap, pushing down on it to get him to stop tapping. Isak was trying to fall into the embrace, but he felt wired. His brain wasn't going to stop any time soon and he probably shouldn’t have taken a seat so he could move around and try to get the nervous energy out. 

“What if he leaves before we get there?” Isak asked, keeping his eyes on the passing by buildings outside. His Dad had picked a fancy restaurant. Isak hadn't ever been to it, but there were reservations and plenty of good reviews on Yelp. He took that as a good sign. His Dad could've met them at a McDonald's for all he cared, but instead he picked something nicer, more upscale. That had to be a good thing. 

“Then we'll treat ourselves to a lovely dinner alone,” Even told him before reaching up and taking Isak’s chin in his hand to get his attention. When Even looked into his eyes, Isak could tell he was serious about it, calm and unbothered all in all on the surface. That he was here to be Isak’s rock. “I will treat you and we’ll forget all about it, okay?” 

“If you say so,” Isak told him, just on the edge of a smile as he looked back into Even’s eyes. It was so easy to smile when looking into those bright blues, it was almost ridiculous. “If I start freaking out, will you calm me down?” 

“I most certainly will,” Even said with a small smile to mirror Isak’s. He leaned in and pressed their foreheads together, their noses nuzzling just a little as the bus pulled up to their stop. There was a ding, the stop name, and then Even was pulling back and pulling Isak up out of the seat, “Now, come on, we’re about to show your Dad how absolutely amazing and spectacular you are and how mature you’ve gotten without him.” 

“If I walk in there with a big head, he’ll probably hate me, too,” Isak said, a small, self-pity type of laugh escaping his lips as he followed Even off the bus, holding his hand while they walked the few remaining feet to the restaurant. He let Even lead them all the way inside, holding hands as they approached the hostess.

“We have reservations under Valtersen,” Even told the woman who was standing there. 

“Oh, perfect, the rest of your party just showed up,” she said cheerfully, flipping her hair out if her face before beginning to lead the way for them, “right this way.” 

“The rest?” Isak said under his breath while he and Even followed the upbeat hostess whom, if she had known the intensity of the situation, would not be as cheerful. Isak felt like all of his hairs were standing straight as his skin pricked from the goosebumps. He held his breath as they walked through the dimly lit dining area, feeling as though he was going to have to make a run for it, that there was no way he was going to be able to do this. 

“Breathe,” Even said gently to the side of him, letting go of his hand and moving to wrap his arm around Isak’s shoulder. Isak wanted to breathe, wanted to relax under his touch, but he was even worried about that. When he and Even walked to their table, all wrapped up in each other, that would be it. That would definitely be the best way to rip the bandage off, but he didn’t know if it would it be the most effective. He partly wanted to lie to his Dad about what he and Even were to each other, but he was sick of being fake. He didn’t want to put on a charade. He was proud to be gay, finally.

But, fuck, he was scared. 

When they walked up to his Dad’s table, Isak noticed two things. It wasn’t just his Dad, and his company was a young, notably attractive woman. A tiny and smiley brunette with tanned skin and freckles sparkled about her nose and cheeks. This woman jumped when she saw him. 

“Oh my god, that must be him!” She said, voice excited and high. “He looks just like you, Terje.” 

“Isak,” Terje said slowly, standing up and looking Isak over for a moment before looking over the boy he was tangled up in, “and Even. It’s nice to see you. Both of you. This is Lisa. She’s my wife, actually. I thought that you should meet her.” 

“Your wife?” Isak asked, taking a seat next to Even. Isak was shocked, it hadn’t been _that_ long since he’d seen his Dad, and yet he had already gotten remarried. His life was already so far away from the one Isak knew—but, Isak guessed that that was also the truth the other way around, so could he really be mad at the man? He was so far from the life he had when his Dad left, he wasn't sure it even mattered to him. Even his Mom seemed happy without him. She certainly deserved better than him. “I uh, wow, nice to meet you. I’m Isak and this is my boyfriend, Even.” 

“Boyfriend! Terje, you didn’t tell me your son was gay, wow, that’s wonderful,” Lisa said, still smiling, almost as cheerful as the hostess. Her voice sounded like Ingrid’s when she first talked to him after he came out. Perhaps she was excited to meet and know a homo. They were obviously an elusive and mysterious bunch. “I just think that’s so cool, really.” 

“Yeah, well,” Terje cleared his throat a little, darted a glance at Isak then back at Lisa. Isak felt a rocking uneasiness in the pit of his stomach. It was a little reassuring that Lisa thought him being gay was “cool,” because, well, that probably gave him a little bit of points with his Dad. But, Terje was always good at flipping that switch, good at going from fine to angry in seconds. Isak was kind of frozen, waiting for the words he'd heard so much from the man growing up, _jævla homo,_ when he opened his mouth again, “I mean, I didn’t know, persay. Like I said, it’s been awhile.” 

“Ah yes, Isak is gay, it’s wonderful, let’s not dwell,” Even said quickly, picking up his menu and flipping it to the dinner options. “I was looking at the menu online and there’s just so much to choose from, isn’t there? How will I ever choose?” 

“Well, Lisa and I always choose the chef’s specialties of the night, the chef here is amazing,” Terje said, picking up the menu and letting his eyes graze over it a few times. Isak could tell that he wasn’t the only one who appreciated Even’s subject change; his Dad really needed it, too. Probably because he wasn't as okay with the gay thing as Lisa. “We’ve been coming here every other Friday for what? Three months now, I think. So, we've tried just about everything at this point.” 

“Just trust us and get the specialty of the night,” Lisa said with a smile to the two boys before reaching over to take Terje’s menu from him. Isak looked down at the menu while his hand found Even’s thigh under the table. He wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to eat at all, but he would use Even and put on an act of eating if he needed too. “So, how long have you been together, then?” 

“Like a month and a half,” Isak said with a shrug. When he actually counted it out, it felt like way more time had passed than that. There was no way they hadn’t been together for years on years at that point. “It feels like a lot longer, though. We've known each other our entire lives and I've been living with Even for like, two years. Uh.. What about you guys?” 

“Lisa and I have been together for some time,” Terje said with a mysterious look towards Lisa before going on, “but we've been married for a half a year now. Time flies, truly.” 

“Don't we know it,” Even said with a smile, squeezing Isak's hand under the table. “Feels like just yesterday that we kissed for the first time.” 

“It really doesn't,” Isak said with an awkward laugh, his cheeks growing a little hot. Talking about personal things, like his romantic life with his Dad always made Isak feel a little embarrassed. When he was about thirteen and girls were starting to be into him, his Dad always wanted to be his wingman, but Isak always felt ashamed. It was probably because he wasn’t sure about his own sexuality and his Dad was trying to force his own on him. It may have been because that was a typical teen-parent relationship, but Isak was smart enough to believe it had something to do with Terje’s homophobia and Isak's subconscious desires. 

“You know, the first time we kissed, Terje, Isak was eight,” Even said proudly, moving his hand to wrap around Isak's shoulders. It was almost like he was challenging Terje to say something. Isak couldn't help but shrink away from his touch, not exactly enjoying Even's idea of a competition. 

“At eight he was kissing boys and you still didn't know he was gay!” Lisa exclaimed loud enough that Isak was sure the whole restaurant heard. She slapped Terje in the chest and shook her head. “You've got to be more attentive.” 

“To be fair, I wasn't kissing _boys_ , I kissed Even and that was one time,” Isak said, much quieter, not being able to look up from the table. The only movement he seemed to be able to make was his hand off of Even's thigh so he could be shrink into himself. It felt like everyone's eyes were on him. “I didn't even know when I was eight. Not really.” 

“ _To be fair_ , Terje used to throw around homophobic slurs, so Isak—” 

“Even, please,” Isak said quietly, moving his hand back over to his thigh to give him a warning squeeze. He wasn't sure why Even seemed to be wanting to start a fight, but that was the last thing Isak wanted. Why had he moved straight on from Isak's sexuality just to do this? It made Isak feel even more scrutinized. Terje didn't need to know shit about his past, and neither did his newfound wife. Terje needed to just know about now. How happy he was with who he was _now._ He watched Even's gaze flicker from Terje to Isak, his eyebrows slowly going up onto his forehead. 

“I'm sorry Isak, but I didn't think we were here to be fake and pretend that everything's fucking fine,” Even said, his smile faltering. Isak felt his heart sink to his stomach; he really thought that Even being there was supposed to be good for him, but suddenly, he didn't feel so sure. “I mean really, we're not here to pretend that he didn't walk out on you and Marianne. We're not going to pretend he's not an asshole.” 

“Even! This isn't helping!” Isak said, raising his voice now. He didn't want to yell at him. He didn't even want to talk loudly at him, but he didn't want this to go further. “Please, Even, if you're not going to be nice, then you need to leave, alright? This is important to me.” 

“I'm sorry,” Even said quickly and then looked at Terje. He stood up and took Isak's hand, pulling him up with him, “Please excuse us for a moment.” 

Isak got up with him, although he wasn't actually sure it was a good idea to leave the table. His Dad was probably offended and would leave and he'd probably never see him again. But, obviously they weren't going to make it through this dinner the way it was going. Isak needed to be able to talk him down off whatever path his mind was going on. Even pulled him into the bathroom, moving the two of them to the far wall and backing himself up against it. 

“Even, I’m not pretending anything, I’m acting civil,” Isak said slowly, looking at Even where they now stood. “What happened to proving him how mature we are? If we go off on tangents and call him an _asshole_ , then are we going to come off as mature? C’mon, Ev please just try to get what we came here for.” 

“Isak, I’m not even sure I want his money,” Even said bluntly, running a hand through his hair and looking up at the ceiling. “He needs to know that he was an asshole, he needs to own up to it. And his wife should know what kind of man she married. And his _wife?_ How are you okay with that? What about your Mom? What about the fact that he didn’t think to tell his _only son_ that he got _married?_ Do we really need help from a guy like that? C’mon baby, fuck this. He’s not good enough for you and you don’t need his money.” 

“He at least owes me that, Even, don’t you get it?” Isak sighed, spinning around and leaning up against the sink counter. “After everything he’s put me through, he owes me. He should be able to give me money to take this next step with my boyfriend. And, I want to do that so badly, Even. To just be able to do our own thing. It sounds amazing.” 

“It does, and I get it, Is, but I don’t think it’s worth it,” Even shook his head, “He owes you so much more than that, Isak. He’s never going to be able to cash in fully. No matter what he does.” 

“I think I can be the judge of that, Even,” Isak told him, shaking his head and looking at the ground. He was trying not to be angry, and with Even it wasn’t so hard to stay sane. So, the fact that it was starting to bubble feel a little angry meant this needed to end soon. “Okay, please. Just let me do this. I want to do this. We need to be civil and I want to look like the damn loving couple we are, too. I’d like to rub in his face how happy I am. I want to be happy. Like I always am when you’re around. Please.” 

“Well, I don’t want to make you unhappy,” Even said with a sigh of his own, taking a few steps from the wall to take Isak by the hips. Isak slowly looked up at him, biting his lip as he met Even’s burning blues. “I just want to do what’s best for you. I think that what’ll be best for you is leaving now. But, if you think differently, well, I guess I’ll just have to trust you.”

“Thank you.” 

 

When Even and Isak got back from their talk, dinner seemed to go by much more smoothly. The four of them small-talked and ate the food when it arrived—they all did end up getting a version of the chef’s specialty, Even and Isak both getting the pasta option while Terje sand Lisa opted for the fish. The food made it a little easier, with their mouths mostly busy, everyone was unable to put their feet in them. It made everything a little easier for the time being. But, when the food on their plates dwindled down, Isak grew a little more on edge. He had let his thoughts wander on about what he might say when asking Terje about the money, but he still wasn't feeling too confident about it, especially after Even called him an asshole.

“So,” Isak said, thinking it was now or never. He wiped his mouth with his napkin and looked over at Terje to make sure he had his intention. Isak said something right after he took a mouthful so at least his mouth would be busy while Isak spoke. “Even and I are planning on finding our own place and moving out of his parents house. But, as I'm sure you know, places can be expensive and whatnot.” 

“So you need money,” Terje said, wiping his mouth with his napkin too. He raised his eyebrows and looked at Isak. It made Isak’s stomach lurch, all the food he just ate feeling like a bad idea now. He took a deep breath as Even reached for his thigh under the table, giving Isak a little reassurance with a little squeeze. 

“Well, I found out that you've been giving Even's parents some money,” Isak said, just a little shakily as he put his hand on top of Even's. “So, I just thought that you could give it to me, instead. You know, at least until I graduate or something. That way it'll help us make things a little more affordable while we're still in school.” 

“So, you need money,” Terje said again, shaking his head a little, “you know, I give that to Martin and Josefine for taking care of you.” 

“Yeah, well Isak can take care of himself now,” Even said as the two of them laced their hands together under the table, “and if he can't, that's what I'm here for. So, really, what's the difference?” 

“Parental supervision?” Terje asked, raising his eyebrows and looking between the two boys. “So I let my seventeen year old son move in with his older, ment—uh, boyfriend. And then what? I hear of some sort of tragedy a month or two later because I've been funding bad decisions.” 

“Nothing tragic is going to happen, obviously,” Isak said, almost rolling his eyes. “A bunch of kids live on their own at seventeen. We don't need parental supervision. And Even's only two years older, anyway. It's not a bad decision. It's going to be better for us.” 

“I'm sorry Isak, I have to say something,” Even said, squeezing his thigh, then looking over at Terje, “If I may, I'd like to just say that you kind of forfeited your right to make judgement over Isak’s decisions when you walked out on him. Not to be rude, or maybe to just be slightly rude here, but it's hard to believe you actually care about the supervision Isak's getting. It's easier to believe that your problem is with the company he's keeping. Me. And it's not even the age difference, because I can tell that your beautiful wife here is obviously a great deal younger than you. So, tell me, Terje, what's your real problem with this? Why the hesitation?” 

Isak froze when Even first started talking but as he went on, he started feeling better and better. Though he wasn't being the nicest, his tone didn't have the challenging sentiment to it. Not to mention, the points he made were valid, so Isak let it go. There were obviously going to be tense points in the conversation anyway, but as long as they could make it over that part, they'd be in the clear. This was basically the make or break point of their conversation. Isak just had to keep breathing and keep pushing for what he wanted. 

Besides, if Terje had a stupid problem with Even, then Isak wouldn't mind leaving right then. 

“Listen, boys, I'm going to be blunt with you here,” Terje began, leaning back in his seat and looking over the two of them. “I don't see this lasting. The fact that you've only been together for a month and you want to apartment hunt seems like a very sticky situation. Who's to say that in the next few months you won't find some pretty girls who like you? And, I'm sorry boys, but it's difficult taking care of someone who is mentally ill. I don't know if you could handle it, Isak. It just seems pointless having you two sign onto something together if you're going to end up breaking up.” 

“Whoa,” Isak said quickly, shaking his head before looking at his Dad for a moment. Of course, these things were definitely things that crossed Isak's mind when having this conversation. But he hadn't dreamed he'd actually say them. “Why are you giving us a time stamp? In what world is that fair? I'll tell you right now that Even and I are going to be together for a long time. We may have only been together for a short amount of time, but we've been taking care of _each other_ for so much longer than that. I'm definitely not giving up on him if things get hard. I love him. Also, I'm gay. Like as gay as you can get. I'm not going to be falling for some pretty girl. So, even if I wasn’t with Even, it's always going to be a guy. But it's always going to be Even. He makes me happy. This isn’t a sticky situation because I know that we have got this.”

“At your age, everything feels like forever, darling,” Lisa said with a ditsy shrug and a toss of her hair. “You won’t believe how flexible you’ll get in just a few years. It takes a while to get into that place where forever may actually be in reach. But, I don’t know, Terje, we were all young once, let them have their fun, make their mistakes. Besides, look at them, do you really think that if you say no right now that they’re not going to try to make it work, anyway. Might as well give them the money. That way you could keep up with them. Meet for dinner or something to get the money.” 

“What?” Isak popped his eyes open, not wanting to sign up for that, like ever in his life. If Terje was going to hold the money over him, then fuck it. He wouldn’t deal with that. Terje was the one who walked out on _him_. Isak was supposed to have the power. He was the one who didn’t want to be around Isak. And Isak, especially now, didn’t want to be around him, being able to tell how much he frowned on Isak’s life choices. Isak’s entire being. He didn’t want to have to deal with it on a regular basis. “No, this isn’t going to be a power thing. _Terje_ left _me_. He at least owes me until graduation.” 

“Well then maybe we have to figure out an effective deal,” Lisa said, cheerily, unaffected by Isak’s harsh tone. 

“I’m going to have to think about it,” Terje finally said, nodding his head and looking at Isak. “So how about another dinner. In a week?” 

“Seriously?” Isak asked, not sure whether to be astonished that Terje actually said he’d _think_ about it or angry that already he was initiating another dinner. Isak wasn’t sure he could handle it. He wasn’t even sure how he and Even made it through this one. “I... Okay, fine, yeah. Text me the details again. I’ve gotta go.” He said and stood up, pulling Even up from the table with him. He didn’t want to offer to pay his share or anything, because fuck it. Terje and his trophy wife could handle it. So they left in a haste, Isak suddenly feeling like crying as the cold outside hit his face. 

The flurries had started sticking to the ground just a week or so before, being well into the winter months and right then, it was snowing again. Not exactly the best weather for crying. He didn’t even think there was a bus anytime soon, so he didn’t know when they would be back in the warmth. 

“Isak, Isak, hey!” Even said, tugging on his hand and trying to get him to stop. He didn’t know when he started running, but he did, suddenly breathless. He bent over and put his hands on his knees, taking a deep breath and trying to make sure he kept breathing. “Isak, it’s okay, we’re just going to stop and breath for a sec. Come here, look at me, in and out,” Isak listened, looking into his eyes and taking his breath with Even, “there you go. Just, fuck the world right now. Everything is going to be okay. I am so damn sorry I said shit earlier. He probably thinks I’m a space case. Like belongs in a loonie bin thoughts.” 

“Even…” Isak was still somewhat labored, needing to take deep breaths in more than he should have. Even rambling on and apologizing making Isak focus on the fact that he was breathless. “It’s bullshit...what he thinks..don’t worry.”

“Save your breath babe,” Even said, pulling Isak into his arms. “I’m going to call us a cab though.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting close to the end, thought of a sequel tho lmao I'm the worst goodnight hope you enjoyed the chapter. 
> 
> Commmmments please <3


	20. The Wrong Lover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there so a few things. It's going to be 22 chapters and an epilogue, and the end is near and then hopefully in the near future I can get going on the sequel I talked about :)). It's crazy because this doc that I've been working on with this story is over 500 pages now which is safely the longest thing I've ever written.
> 
> Okay, and so this chapter is a lot of Even POV so the whole * thing is still going on but it might be a little more confusing this chapter idk I couldn't decide how I wanted it to be but yeah I have faith you'll get the point. Okie dokie, enjoy.(not proofread)

**~Thursday Morning~**  
*  
Even made sure to turn off his own alarm the night before. He didn’t think it was one of those days where he and Isak needed to be up earlier, nor did he want to do anything to upset Isak. He felt like he was on thin ice having started off the dinner with Terje terribly. Isak seemed fine now and Even did try to pick up his mood throughout the rest of the dinner, besides maybe at the end. But still, Isak had been very upset at the time and it had been Even’s fault. So, he wouldn’t do anything to make him more upset. He’d comfort him the best he could. 

So, when Isak’s alarm was going off and his boyfriend was groaning and pulling a pillow over his face, Even turned over and reached for the device himself, turning it off and slowly lifting himself up onto his elbow to look over at Isak. His arm was rested over the pillow on top of his face and he was lying there absolutely still.

“Baby,” Even said gently, letting his voice carry a bit of a melody with it, “It’s time to wake up for school, I know we had a rough night, but we should move forward, right?” 

“Shhhh,” Isak groaned a little and pulled the pillow off his face, looking Even over for a moment before speaking in a low and rumbly voice. “I am not getting out of bed and I am definitely not going to school. I need a day.” 

“Oh, okay, sure,” Even said quietly, reaching his hand over and running it through Isak’s hair slowly. He watched the boys eyelids flutter some more. Even could understand him taking a personal day. He definitely deserved it. “You want me to stay with you, then? I can make you food and we can cuddle and talk or cuddle and sleep or whatever you want.” 

“Nei, you go,” Isak told him, shaking his head. “You need to go, I’ll be fine and I’ll take you up on all the rest later.” 

“Oh, alright, yeah,” Even shook his head too and got up. He walked over to the closet and started looking for things to wear for the day, feeling a little rejected by Isak. Sure, it was true, Even needed to go to school, he missed enough for his own reasons, but he felt like he had a stronger need to be there for Isak. He started getting dressed, throwing on his usual layers, looking over at the half-asleep boy in his bed. “Baby, you’re not mad at me, are you? I’m still so sorry for yesterday.” 

“It’s no big deal, Even,” Isak said, opening his eyes and looking up at him, “I’m not mad. You were helpful in the end, I think. It’s _him_ , I don’t think if we did anything differently that it would have changed. I love you and I’ll miss you today and I’ll want to cuddle and eat cheese toasties with you, but you need to go to school. I’ll be fine.” 

“Thank god,” Even said with a smile, tossing on one of Isak’s snapbacks, visor facing front before climbing back into bed with him. “So, I’m going to cuddle you until I absolutely have to leave,”

“Sounds good to me,” Isak said with a laugh then shrugged a little, “Just make sure to schedule time for at least a peach for breakfast and to brush your teeth.” He then cuddled right ito Even anyway, wrapped his arms tight around him and nuzzling his face into his body happily. At least Even hadn’t fucked up completely. At least he and Isak could still cuddle up happy and cute with him.  
*

**~Thursday Afternoon~**

Isak got himself up and out of bed around noon. Already, he'd been answering Even's texts, letting him know he was fine by that he just needed some time. He may have been upset with Even for a brief portion of their evening, but he was far from what he was feeling then. Instead, he was angry, upset, worried, and more with his mind focused on his Dad and how Isak's next step with his boyfriend counted on the man who walked out on him. The most flaky person in his entire life. A person whom Isak was still sure was a homophobe. A person who was not only a homophobe, but also seemed to believe that if someone had a mental illness, they would not be worthy of love. 

Isak's emotions were scattered and once he'd think he finally worked himself through one, another surfaced. It was better that he wasn't in school, freaking out on everyone. 

But the al of the feelings gave him incentive to do, do, do. After he got up, he spent the rest of the day looking for places to work, looking at the least expensive, tiniest studio apartments on the worst sides of town. Anything. That way, he wouldn’t have to depend on his Dad for the move. He thought that maybe if he found something and then met his Dad for dinner, he could tell him how determined he was, that it would happen without him or not. He’d print out charts if he had to. As long as he could show him that he didn't need him. A metaphorical slap in the face for the man who he might as well never see again. 

That's where he intended to be when Even got home. And he kind of was; all the tabs were still open in his browser, all of the math was still there in his spreadsheets. However, he had found himself being rerouted. By his swinging moods, his angry thoughts, and so much more. So, by the time Even got home, Isak was searching therapists and psychiatrists in the area, looking at their ratings, comments patients had made online and so much more. 

If it wasn't apparent to him before, the fact that therapists and psychiatrists were not liked by many was painfully obvious now. He and Even had both struggled with the thought, the idea. Isak didn't like talking to strangers, he was too afraid of judgement. Isak was just doing it on the off chance that it'd work, plus it would get Even to go. And Even? He was the only one with the merit to know what was going on in his own head. He was definitely only going because Isak said he would. All of their worries, along with so many more were documented in the ratings and online comments from other patients. 

It ended up directing him to what seemed to be a very useful forum entitled: _Therapy, Yes or No?_ where people who had done therapy sessions talked about it. All the people who thought it was bullshit and all of the ones who thought it was the most helpful thing in the world. Isak supposed that this would mean that it doesn’t work for everybody. But, then he wasn’t sure of why. He probably should have found articles first, the science behind it, things like that. But, he didn’t. Which is why, when Even came home, he was down a deep rabbit hole of threads in the forum. People’s opinions and other people’s anger and outrage to those opinions all reeling him into the abyss. 

He was wearing earbuds, listening to his and Even’s shared playlist at his desk when Even got there. Isak didn’t hear him come in, but he knew exactly how it was when suddenly there were fingers combing through his hair. He hadn’t done anything with it since he last washed it the night before, so it was unruly with his curls sticking out all uneven in the weird way they did with his new haircut. Even seemed to love it. 

“Baby,” Even said as Isak took his earbuds out of his ears and tilted his head back to look up at him. “Whatcha doing, there?” 

“Oh, uh,” Isak looked at the page and then backed out a few times, being on a weird thread of a fight between a couple of users in a thread about Satanism. He wasn’t actually sure how he got from point A to B and the backing out seemed like it’d take forever to get to the original thread. “I was actually looking up therapy type stuff, seeing if we could get that figured out. Since we’re being all mature and stuff. I also applied for like, five more jobs for me and found some...pretty shitty, but affordable studio apartments? I’m just thinking about what we could do without my Dad’s help.”

“Well, that’s sweet of you,” Even said with a little smile before leaning down and kissing Isak’s forehead. “Speaking of your Dad...you wanna talk? I mean, just the fact that he doesn’t feel guilty enough to just give you the money drives _me_ wild. I’m not sure where he gets off acting so..almighty? How do you feel?” 

“I know, he’s such a jerk,” Isak sighed before turning the chair and pulling Even into his lap. “I’ve already spent enough time being angry about it. But, I’m going to find a way for us without him then let him know I don’t need him.”

“Great idea, baby.” 

 

 **~Thursday Evening~**  
*  
Even was a little worried when he came home to find Isak spiralling down into some hole on the internet. Isak was obviously shaken from his encounter with his Dad, that much Even knew. What he didn’t know was _how_ shaken Isak actually was. His spiral into the dark web was definitely a red flag, but he’d also been productive prior to that. There was a part of Isak that was ignited to prove to Terje that he’d be fine without him, that he was fine without him. And, that was a pretty good thing. But it wasn’t all that happened, so Even decided that Isak deserved to be showered in love for the rest of the day. That he was in need of the world and Even could be the perfect person to give that to him. 

So Even took him to bed and stripped him down before kissing him from head to toe, making sure to leave none of Isak’s skin untouched by his lips. When he was done with that, he took off his own clothes and straddled the boy, slowly grinding his hips into his boyfriend’s while reaching up to give Isak’s shoulders a little massage. Isak seemed completely relaxed, his mouth agape and his eyes closed while he let Even take care of him. 

“Baby, if you ever need to talk about your worries, about anything, I’m here,” Even said softly, almost more of a coo, wanting everything to be as peaceful for Isak as possible. “I just wanted to remind you.”

“I have no worries when you’re touching me,” Isak told him, quiet, his words slurring together just a little. Even may have been putting him to sleep, which wasn’t exactly his goal. But, he supposed whatever made the boy happy. Really, he did want to talk to Isak about the dinner with his Dad. They had talked about where Even fucked up, sure, but what about Terje? A new wife? Being a total dick about Even being bipolar? There had been so much that might have found its way passed Isak’s mental walls to screw with his brain. 

“I could touch you forever,” Even said, still being gentle, wanting to make sure Isak was mellow before they actually talked. He slowly moved himself to lay down right on top of the boy, his nose touching the tip of Isak’s. As Isak’s eyes started to slit open, he met Even’s eyes and opened wider and wider. As their gazes locked, Even started grinding his hips into Isak’s. “So, no worries.”

“Is that another promise?” Isak asked, a little edge to his voice as his own hips started pressing up into Even’s to meet his movements. 

“Baby, I’m going to make it feel like forever.”

 

When they were done, Even was kissing Isak’s body again. He was taking advantage of Isak’s sensitive, post-orgasm skin. He knew it’d play the last and final role in Even getting Isak relaxed enough to talk. He absolutely loved the sex, couldn’t get enough of it, but the best part wasn’t going to be Isak spilling his semen, but instead his guts about the dinner and his Dad. 

“I feel like you’re buttering me up for something,” Isak mumured, his voice full of melodic bliss, which was absolute music to Even’s ears. A relaxed Isak was one of the best Isak’s. When he was relaxed with Even, he got cuddly, sappy, and Even couldn’t help but to baby him. He hoped that it would make him be honest. So, he just smiled at the boy, not quite sure how to get started. Isak smiled back, “And I don’t mind. Actually, I think I could use a back rub.”

“Yeah?” Even laughed a little and slowly got off of him, “Can I give you a massage while we talk? Or will you be incapable?” 

“You want to talk about Terje?” Isak asked as he slowly rolled onto his stomach so Even could massage him. Even sighed a little, meeting his eyes for a moment with a nod. There was a chance Isak was going to turn down the offer straight out like this. That was no good. So, Even made a face before moving the sheets up over Isak’s ass and sitting on his legs to give him the massage. 

“Well, it’s obvious last night upset you and I know some of it was me and really, I am so sorry,” Even told him as he slowly started moving his hands over Isak’s back. “I don’t know what came over me. I just hate what he did to you and Marianne. And, I could handle him not liking me if it weren’t for everything else, you know?” 

“Even, I’m not mad about that anymore, really,” Isak nodded, nuzzling his head into his pillow. “I get it. I wish you hadn’t done it but I get it. But, maybe, I don’t know, do you think I should go alone the next time I meet up with him?” 

“You’d seriously want to meet him alone?” Even asked slowly, watching Isak’s profile as he talked. His skin was so smooth under his hands, it was easy to enjoy giving him the massage. It was weird to Even how normal Isak had acted when they met his Dad at dinner. Terje was literally _remarried_ and Isak didn’t bat an eyelash. He completely moved his life away from Isak’s, abandoning him and Marianne and starting a whole new life separate from them. And Isak acted like everything was completely normal, cool. Maybe moving forward was the only thing to do, but Even kind of felt like he was caving to Terje’s power he had over him for whatever reason. “Couldn’t you like...at least do it at KB when I’m working? I have a couple shifts next week…”

“Even, what are you afraid of, he’s my Dad,” Isak said followed by a sharp inhale and him gripping his pillow case, “Aghh, fuck that feels so good right there, stay there for second.” 

“Well, I guess, I mean that’s genetically true, physically true I guess, even,” Even said, working on massaging his fingertips at the spots underneath his shoulder blades that Isak seemed to like so much. “But, mentally? That guy...I mean, he’s a stranger. He’s different, all the way around, and we have no idea how he’ll react to anything. You’re one of the most important things in my life, I don’t want to send you away with some stranger alone. So, please. I’ll be good. I’ll stay quiet.” 

“Fine,” Isak said with a sigh and a pathetic shrug of his shoulders as he nuzzled his face some more into the pillow. 

“So, other than that,” Even started slowly, “How do you feel about everything? About the wife, about the life, about his inability to say yes even though he owes you more than even that?”

“I mean, it’s whatever, the life, I mean,” Isak said, another little shrug following his words. “He doesn’t know my life, either. Whatever. The rest...it just makes me angry. The way he spoke about you and your illness and I don’t know. He’s so judgemental but he’s the one who should be the most judged. He abandoned his family. And you’re damn right he owes me. But, my hopes are officially below zero so you should be happy about that.”

“Well, unlike him, I’ll always be there for you.” 

“I’ll hold you to it, baby.”

Even’s phone went off a couple times from where he left it on the bedside table. He looked over at it buzzing for a second and tried to think of who it would be. He didn’t text that much, not really. So it had to be Yousef, maybe Mutta, but he wasn’t sure, so he leaned down and kissed Isak’s neck before grabbing the phone. It was Mikael. 

****

-Mikael-

****

****  


_hey, you going to the pre-party at Noora’s tomorrow? And the party after? 18:11_

_just wondering 18:12_

_yeah, we’ll be there_  
_ 18:12 _

He sent the simple text back then set it aside, focusing back on Isak and giving him his backrub.

 

**~Friday Morning~**

Even woke up very early that morning to a very familiar sound coming from Isak’s lips. It startled him, almost, because he hadn’t expected it, but also because he hadn’t felt Isak moving around at all. Not to mention, he was never up making _those_ noises without Even being around for at least a little bit of help. So, Even sat up and looked at the boy. He had gone quiet again, not moving. 

Even had to assume that Isak had either stopped because he’d been caught, or that Even had just been hearing things. That was until the sound came out of him again, a low, slow growl of a moan through his slightly-parted and up-twisted lips. He squirmed a little as the sound went on then stopped again, his eyes closed all throughout. Even couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows at the sight, at the anything-but-PG sound that just came from his sleeping boyfriend. 

It was apparent to him now that Isak was having a sex dream. Which, for whatever reason, was a really sexy thought—well, as long as the dream was about him and he was assuming that it was. So, he slipped himself back under the covers with Isak and started kissing around his neck and up to his ear. 

“Wouldn’t you prefer the real thing, baby?” He whispered, low and slow like Isak’s moan, which sounded from his lips once more after Even had spoken. “I know you would, wake up, wake up, wake up.” Even kept being quiet, gently, letting his hands travel up Isak’s sides. Isak squirmed some more at his touch and Even kissed around his neck, trying to find the sensitive places, trying to do anything to get him up so that they could get this thing going, because after hearing those sounds from Isak, Even was turned on. 

“Eveeen,” He moaned again, this time confirming Even’s assumptions that the dream was in fact about him. Even had to pull back and look at him to see if his eyes were opened yet, but they weren’t. So, Even dipped back down and let his hands slide down to his ass this time, stopping and giving him a little pinch to try to get him up, “uhhh—OH.” 

“Oh, good, you’re awake,” Even said, pulling back and smirking a little at the boy. When Even had done that, Isak’s entire body lurched into his and some pre-cum shot right out of his dick. “You were having a sex dream, so I figured I’d give you the real thing, baby.” 

“You pinched my ass,” Isak said with a little groan, his eyes still half-closed as he regained his consciousness. “Who said the dream was about you?” 

“You did when you moaned my name, baby,” Even said with a little laugh and then slowly moved himself completely overtop of the boy. “So, now we’re both awake and hard. You think you’re up for it?” 

“Ugh,” Isak groaned a little and rubbed his face, Even could see even in the dark that the boy was blushing, probably embarrassed to be caught having a sex dream. “Well, in my dream, I was on top and that sounds like a lot of work.” 

“Mmm, well, you’ll wake up pretty quick,” Even said with a little chuckle. Isak was right, it was a lot of work for this late at night, or early in the morning, but Even had a feeling that they could do it. He wanted to, the sight and sounds of Isak amidst that dream still playing in his head. He wouldn’t push though. “But, I could just blow you, if you wanted. Or I could ride you.” 

“You’re going to ride me at,” Isak reached over and grabbed his phone to look at the time. He flinched as the screen lit up then quickly set it back down, “two in the morning?” 

“I will,” Even said with a nod, reaching up and running his hand through Isak’s messy hair. “If you want me to, anyway. If you’re up for it.” 

“Well, this boner is starting to get uncomfortable…” 

Since both boys were already unclothed and hard, there wasn’t too much need for foreplay. But Isak surprised Even by doing some work by flipping them over so he was on top. Even always felt this sort of rush when Isak took control of the situation—of course he always felt a rush when doing things with Isak, or even just looking at Isak. So he let himself relax for a little and prep for the work hat was to come. Isak kissed down his chest and stomach, tickling his skin in the most invigorating kind of way. He felt his mind go blank as Isak made his way south and licked all the way from the tip of his dick to his ass.

He arched his back and shoved his fingers into what was left of Isak’s curls as the boy spread is legs and started prodding at Even’s hole. The pleasure that pushed up from his nethers and into his stomach spread waves of pleasure all over his body. It felt like it was possible that he was a little more sensitive than usual. Maybe because he’d just been asleep. Isak was waking him up, which was probably a terrible idea but he didn’t want Isak to ever stop doing what he was doing. 

“You’re doing so much more work than expected,” Even managed to pant as Isak pulled away to grab the lube. He was already squirting some in his hand, moving fast, obviously wanting to get into it. 

“Well, we do have to prep you,” Isak said and then looked him over and raised an eyebrow, “Or, if you wanted to do that yourself…” 

“I could if you were _that_ tired,” Even said with a little shrug, looking at Isak’s hand, holding the lube. “But, you know, I do prefer your fingers over my own.” 

“Yours are longer,” Isak said, slowly slicking up his own and positioning himself between Even’s legs. 

“Doesn’t mean they’re better,” Even told him then reached out and made grabby hands at Isak. “I love everything you do to me. Now kiss me and let’s go.” 

“Yes sir,” Isak said with a smirk, leaning back down and slowly circling one of his lubed up fingers around Even’s hole before slowly pressing t inside. Isak didn’t let their lips touch until his finger was well inside, swirling at poking and prodding. It wasn’t long before one turned into two and two turned into three and their lips were parted and pressed, tongues colliding. Even was a squirming and an out-of breath mess as Isak pumped his fingers in and out of him, making sure he was stretched enough to take him. 

“M’ready,” Even groaned, grinding himself down onto Isak’s fingers one last time before Isak pulled them away. Even immediately flipped the two of them over, putting himself back on top as he straddled the boys thighs. He looked over the boy from his leaking cock to his hairline, admiring every point of interest, trying not to linger anywhere in particular as he grabbed the lube. “You’re so damn sexy, Isak.” 

“Youuu—-” Isak squeaked a little as Even squirted lube into his hand and began massaging it around his dick. Isak let out a low groan, pressing his hips up into the touch, “Fuck me.” 

“We’re getting there,” Even said with a little chuckle, he kind of wanted to tease him, but he was craving Isak too. The good feelings he’d been feeling while Isak opened him up were turning into a hungry desire. The need for more was more powerful than the want to tease him, so he just slicked the boy up with an appropriate amount of lube and then slowly crawled up to position himself to ride Isak. “You ready for it?”

“More than ready,” Isak basically growled, his voice husky with need. He reached up and grabbed onto Even’s hips and gently helped Even sink down onto his dick. Even gripped onto his wrists and tilted his head back as he took him in, stretching just a little bit further than he already was. When he was all the way down, he paused for a moment to get used to the feeling, looking down at Isak and meeting his eyes. He had the primal gaze that Even knew too well. It was so sexy that Isak needed Even _that bad_. 

“Fuck, you feel so good,” Even mumbled as he adjusted and slowly started just rocking his hips a little, his insides on fire with a hot pleasure that would surely melt his brain by the time they were done with this. After just a few agonizingly slow moments of Even moving like that, Isak started to squirm and groan beneath him. Even slid his arms up to Isak’s shoulders then pushed himself back up into a sitting position. 

Once he was up straight and Isak’s gaze was locked on his, the lust and temperature raised between the two of them and Even began bouncing. Isak’s grip tightened at his hips, fingernails digging into his skin and stinging in just the right way. Though his grip was tight, he let Even control the pace and the force of each thrust. So, Even started bouncing slow, up enough that he was almost completely off of his dick, then back all the way down, slow and intimate. Grazing and slipping around his bundle of nerves just enough to keep the fire burning bright with pleasure through his body. 

Isak’s usual symphony of moans tumbled out of his mouth in a lower-than-usual tone, but it still was just as beautiful as it filled the air around them. Even figured they’d change as he sped up, and that the other moans would replace these ones and blanket them in the familiarity of being together like this. The rightfulness of it, the absolute beauty of the moment. Beauty that included the way their bodies came together so perfectly. Beauty that included Isak’s sharp features on his face and body that glowed in the darkness of the room. 

When he was ready for more of the overwhelmingly strong feelings that consumed him when they were like this, Even moved faster, bouncing up and down. His legs burned with the movement while the rest of his body soared straight up into the good feelings, the pleasure zipped around inside of him, and eventually he felt himself building up, the zipping pleasure turning into a racing time bomb. 

Isak hips started pushing up into his own, their thrusts growing harder and faster as the two of them built up together. Isak provided more of his stinging pain as he scratched his nails from Even’s hips all the way down his ass to his upper thighs. Even couldn’t help but moan with Isak now, the space completely jumbled with their noises that barely fit together but sounding perfect anyway. 

“So close,” Isak groaned, and then moved his hands up to Even’s sides, moaning a little more, “Let me...I gotta…” He mumbled before suddenly pulling Even to his chest and flipping the two of them over. Stunned as he was, Even couldn’t find himself to care about the sudden change of pace as Isak started thrusting into him, hard and fast as the boy pressed his forehead into Even’s shoulder, moaning away. 

Even felt close too, and with Isak moving like that, he knew he wouldn’t last much longer. He reached down and fondled himself weakly as his climax felt like it was about to peak. He came first, spilling on both of them and groaning out Isak’s name as he did. Isak moaned louder in response, his thrusts becoming jagged as he found his own peak, spilling inside of Even and coating his insides with that final splash of warm pleasure Isak was giving him. 

“Fuck,” Isak moaned one last time, collapsing on top of him and sitting inside Even for a moment. “Thank you for waking me up. That was _so_ much better than a dream.” 

“Told you so,” Even laughed a little, running his hand through Isak’s hair. He was a little too awake now, but he was exhausted enough that he thought sleep would find him eventually. He could hold Isak and relax and eventually he would pass out. But he was fine sitting in the beautiful darkness, with the beautiful boy who filled up his whole heart. 

 

**~Friday Lunch**

“You weren’t even answering my texts, I had to ask Even if you were at least _breathing,_ ” Magnus whined while the four boys sat at the lunch table. The day before when Isak wasn’t there, Magnus had asked Even where Isak was and Even was honest: Isak was at home, in bed. But, he didn’t feel the need to tell them why, wasn’t sure if Isak wanted to share all of his issues about his Dad with the boys. But the boys were worried, apparently they had texted him a few times and Isak never got back to them. Even may have felt a little pride knowing that Isak was texting him back—he didn’t tell them that, though. He just let Magnus whine, watching him with a smirk on his face. “You worried us sick.”

“I think Magnus might be a little dramatic,” Mahdi said, shaking his head and laughing a little before directing his serious gaze back to Isak, “But seriously, dude, answer your damn phone sometime. We deserve to know that you’re breathing.”

“Isak needed a personal day,” Even told them, making a big gesture to wrap his arms tight around Isak’s side. Wanting Even’s love to be on display. “Time away from you punks.”

“He wasn’t with you, either,” Jonas pointed out, of course, seeming to want to push anything that made Even and Isak’s relationship look worse. Even had a feeling that he was just as indifferent about Even as Even was about him. Probably just as suspicious, too. He couldn’t help but to hide behind Isak and roll his eyes. Jonas went on though, “A personal day, though? You okay, Isak?”

“Yeah, Yeah, I’m fine,” Isak said with a little laugh and slight shake to his head. Even watched for a moment, his arms still around the boy. Isak probably didn’t want to make a display of it, but Even wanted to pull him from his chair and into his lap, hold him tight and make sure he was okay. Plus, he kind of wanted to show off that he was the one with Isak. That Jonas didn’t have to worry because Even had it covered. “We had dinner with my Dad the other night and it was a nightmare. I needed a day to calm down.” 

“ _Oh,_ for sure, we don’t want a return of angry Isak,” Magnus said with a laugh, slapping Mahdi’s chest and addressing Mahdi directly. “Oh man, you remember that time when he tried to pick a fight with you. Man, now I kind of want a return of angry Isak.”

“For him to pick a fight with Mahdi?” Jonas asked, eyebrows raised at Magnus while Isak shrunk in Even’s arms. Isak wasn’t big on dwelling on things like that. He had told Even that he immediately regretted shoving Mahdi the night of that party, but he was just so angry. And now that he thought about it, Isak did that right around the time that his Dad left for good. Maybe his Dad was the source of Angry Isak — just another reason to keep him out of his life.

“No! Dude, it was just hilarious,” Magnus said, laughing some more at the thought, “Isak is a real rager when he’s angry. It’s like dude, look at you, you’re not even that tough.” 

“I’m actually pretty sure that Isak could kick your ass, Mags,” Jonas said, standing up for Isak _again_ , kind of making Even mad. He wanted to be the one to say that, or something like it, anyway. “Look at him.”

“That’s true, he’s not the baby he used to be,” Mahdi pointed out, looking over at Isak then back at Magnus, “He grew right past you, man.” 

“He’ll always be my baby,” Even joked, tightening his arms around Isak again. All the boys, including Isak, responded with groans, Magnus even tossing a chip at the two of them. Even thought it was a good change of pace though. He kissed the side of Isak’s head a couple times as the boys groaned then let him go on admiring Isak’s new, mature features. Taking in his beauty definitely took Even’s mind off Jonas for a moment. Isak looked back at him for a second then smiled, making Even’s heart start to melt. “You’re beautiful, Isak.”

Isak responded with a kiss and the table responded with more groans. But, Even just blocked it out.  
*

**~Friday Afternoon~**

“You were going to go without me to begin with,” Even told him as they walked from the bus stop to KB. It was supposed to be the day they met Sonja for coffee, but now Even apparently had more training until 20:00. “And, it’s not like I won’t be there. I will, just, you know, working. I’ll swing by on my break and try to break whatever ice there is. If you need. But, it seems you two get along better than me and her lately.”

“Don’t think too much about that,” Isak said with a little shrug, and then a sigh as he tightened his grip around Even, trying to be reassuring, “But, seriously, I’d much rather do it with you. Why a Friday, anyway? That’s so lame.”

“It’s the real world, Isak,” Even said with a laugh, giving Isak a little squeeze back as they walked. “It’s all going to be okay, though. You’ve got this. You two have a lot in common, I mean, you can talk all about how good sex is with me.”

“Something tells me that, _that_ is one of the last things I want to talk to her about,” Isak told him. There was no way Isak was going to talk to Sonja about sex with Even. Not in a million years. He couldn’t actually stomach the two of them having sex before he was dating Even, and now that he was it was even worse. It was astounding, actually, how much he’d changed since dating Even. He could barely believe he was still the same guy who got off to Even and Mikael fucking because now he could only ever picture Even having sex with him for the rest of forever. “I guess I’ll figure it out though. Since the job is a good thing and you’re being such a good boy about _the real world_.”

“And you’re certainly not being a _good boy_ about it,” Even said with an eyebrow raise at Isak’s choice of words. As if it was another challenge or game that they would play. He then turned on his sarcasm dial. “You _do_ want to get an apartment with me, don’t you?”

“You know I do,” Isak said with a little pout to his lips, looking up at Even. He knew how Even would respond before he did it. He kissed away his pout and then gave him a little smile.

“I know, I just like to hear it,” He said with a laugh before letting go of Isak and taking his hand instead. He pulled him over to the side of a building, just a couple of feet away from KB, but out of sight of the windows of the café. He pulled Isak close, smiling down at him. “Have I ever told you how proud I am of you? You’ve matured so fast this past year. I don’t think Isak a year ago would have moved out with me.”

“Isak a year ago totally would have moved out with you,” Isak told him honestly, moving to wrap his arms around Even’s neck, “But it would have been more like two bros chilling in an apartment.”

“Oh yeah?” Even laughed and pulled Isak against his chest, it shaking against Isak’s body as the laughed bubbled out of his mouth. He held him there for a moment, a hand on his back, the other cradling his head to keep Isak pressed to him. When he pulled away, he was smiling so wide that Isak’s heart just about burst. He was almost too stunned by the sight to speak.

“Not unless you gave me some sort of clue that you were into me,” Isak said with a little shrug before standing up on to his tiptoes to nuzzle his nose against Even’s. “That may have sped things up a little bit. Then we wouldn’t have waited so long for this.”

“So this is my fault?”

“All your fault,” Isak told him, falling into Even’s gaze and proximity before they were connected by the lips, kissing slowly and happily.

 

Meeting up with Sonja had caused a twist in Isak’s stomach, but it started out easier than suspected. Isak was still highly suspicious of her. She always seemed so mysterious when she was with Even, and Isak was sure that she hadn’t ever liked him, not even before he stole her boyfriend. So, there was definitely an edge to the coffee meeting as the two of them tried to feel around the cold space between them for something warm and easy to talk about. They made small talk until something struck and officially broke the ice. 

“Wait, really?” Isak asked her, amazed. He sat forward a little more and gripped onto his coffee with both hands as he looked at her. Apparently, Sonja wanted to be a _surgeon_ , and that just kind of blew his mind. “I would never have imagined you as...sorry. I was going to say _smart_ but I didn’t mean that. Just not...a science person, I guess. More like artsy, but not Even artsy. Like makeup and stuff, what’s it called? Cosmetology?” 

“Oh, why is that?” Sonja asked, her features turning curious. With her eyebrows pressed down and a slight tilt to her head, Isak thought this was the most engaged she’d ever been with him. He couldn’t help but smile a little at the sudden release of tension.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Isak laughed slightly, shaking his head and sitting back in is chair again. “I guess because you’re scary pretty. Flawlessly. It kind of reminds me of the hairdressers at this place Eva used to make me go with her. Except I’d never go there again because they basically buzzed my hair last time.” 

“Yikes,” Sonja laughed and made a little face, pausing and playing with the straw in her drink for the moment. “Well, thank you I guess? For thinking I’m so pretty. Scary, though? I’m not so sure that sounds like a compliment.” 

“Did I say that?” Now Isak was the one making the face, feeling like there was a little confession coming on. “Well, honestly, you were kind of scary at first because of how pretty you were. It’s stupid, but you know, I’ve been sort of infatuated with Even for a long time now. And, it’s just, you came around after I’d let myself get so attached to single Even, and suddenly I was losing him again and you’re so pretty, how was I ever supposed to get him back..Which...looking back, was a stupid thought. Worthless in retrospect.” 

“And, you did,” Sonja said, sipping her coffee and then looking straight at Isak. “Get, Even back, I mean. Upgraded, even.” 

“I guess I did,” Isak bit his lip for a moment, wondering if he was supposed to apologize. He did basically taken Even right out from under her. Right after he was screaming at her in the streets and all the meanwhile, a baby beginning to be formed within her. “I’m sorry I guess? Especially if you’re sad. Are you, you know...sad about losing Even...or maybe losing...uh.”

“It’s okay, Isak, I’m not sad,” Sonja said quietly, a quick glance over Isak’s shoulder before she shut her mouth, looking back down at her cup as Even came up behind Isak. He squeezed Isak’s shoulders then leaned down and kissed his cheek. 

“Hey guys, what are you talking about over here?” Even asked, looking between the two of them as he stood back up straight. “Anything fun?”

“Just talking about how pretty Sonja is, babe,” Isak told him and pulled out his chair a little, offering Even a spot on his lap. “Isn’t she just gorgeous?” 

“As long as that’s not a trick question,” Even said, his voice a little skeptic. He shook his head at Isak’s offer and stayed standing up. “I only had a few spare seconds so I just wanted to check in on things, kiss you, say hi to Sonja and whatnot. Hi, Sonja.”

“Hi, Even,” Sonja said back, looking up at Even, a kind voice but an emotionless expression. Isak wasn’t sure what she thought about Even anymore. It seemed to be a mystery for the time being, but perhaps Isak could work it out of her. Did Sonja look at Even like he was crazy still? Was she afraid of what to say or how to act towards him? Why else would she change completely when he was around?

“Okay, well, back I go,” Even said with a smile, leaning down to give Isak a kiss on the lips, “Maybe I’ll be back in a bit.” 

Isak watched Even walk away for a moment or two, or however many it took for Even to be out of sight again. 

“You two _are_ kind of cute, I think it’d be hard to get upset about it,” Sonja said as Isak slowly looked back at the table. “Anyway, everything is fine, I swear. If that’s what you’re so worried about, why you invited me here, don’t worry. You can have a clean conscious or whatever.” 

“Right,” Isak said, looking down and feeling a little bad. He wasn’t sure whether or not he could trust Sonja yet, sure, but she seemed like she could actually be an okay person. And he came here with the thought that she was a terrible person. “Well, I don’t know, I just wanted to keep up with you, make sure everything is okay. I don’t know. I’m glad to hear it. I mean, we could still be friends, probably. I’ve made stranger friends.”

“Probably,” Sonja said with a laugh, shaking her head. 

 

**~Friday Evening~**

For some reason, the boys wanted to pre-party the pre-party, so they met up at Mahdi’s house and drank, smoked, and played video games. Isak and Even showed up a little late because Even’s training shift, but once they got there, the boys had them doing shots to catch up. After Isak’s hang out with Sonja, he was actually feeling pretty good, pretty sociable, so he jumped right in. By the time the boys were making their way to the Kollectiv for the actual pre-party, Isak was feeling more than slightly buzzed. And, the rest of the boys, minus Even, seemed like they were all on the same level. 

Even wasn’t going as hard, wasn’t taking as many shots or playing as much games. So, Isak held onto him as they made their way to the next destination. Groping him as they walked and smooshing his lips against anywhere he could manage while the rest of the boys howled and bounced about down the streets. Even didn’t seem to mind Isak’s obsessive kisses and squeezes, he just held him tight as they walked. 

“Will you play pong with me when we get there?” Isak asked, hanging from Even’s side as they turned onto the street. It was cold, but Isak could hardly feel it through the booze soaring through his system. “We were _so_ good last time.” 

“Something tells me you’re not going to be any good at it tonight, babe,” Even said with a laugh, shaking his head while his arm wrapped around Isak’s waist tightened again, hoisting him up straighter. “But, of course I’ll still play with you if you want me to.” 

“Nooo, I want to be on Even's pong team.” Magnus said, suddenly pulling on Even’s arm, but Even and Isak hung onto each other tight, “come on, he’s so much better at it. You guys aren’t allowed together on a pong team anymore. I get Even, you can have Vilde.” 

“Vilde??” Isak asked, blinking his eyes a few times at the drunken thought of switching Even out for Vilde, even just for pong. “Nei, Vilde can’t hold me like he does.” 

“She doesn’t need to hold you, dude, it’s pong,” Jonas said, clapping Isak on the shoulder before jumping up the steps to the Kollectiv. Mahdi bounced in after him and Magnus stayed right next to Even and Isak, holding onto Even’s side now, too, which Isak didn’t like very much. 

“Will you hold me if we’re pong partners, Even?” Magnus asked, his hands brushing Isak’s arms as he held onto Even too. Isak squirmed more, just wanting Even to hold him and for Magnus to get off. He didn’t want to share. 

“Excuse me, no,” Isak said, immediately as the three boys stopped outside the open door to the apartment. The doorway wasn’t big enough for the three of them attached like that. So, Isak reached up and pinched the back of Magnus’ arm to try to get him to let go. If Even wasn’t holding him, he wasn’t going to be holding anyone. Those were the rules. 

“Isak!” Magnus yelled slapping at Isak’s hand after he pinched him, “What the fuck, you pinched me!” He slapped at him some more, letting go of Even as he did. Isak did the same, causing the two of them to start a drunken slap fight around Even’s body. 

“Get off my boyfriend,” Isak huffed drunkenly, his arms flailing about. 

“Guys,” Even said, slowly pushing them apart. “No need to fight over me. I’ll be on your pong team, Mags. But, I only hold Isak, so I won’t be holding you. Now be nice to each other.” 

“Well, who will be on _my_ team so I can beat your asses?” Isak asked, pouting a little and then stepping inside the doorway. A couple of people were already right there, looking out at the commotion of the drunk boys in the hall. Eskild, Eva, and Noora all stood with raised eyebrows. 

“I’ll be on your pong team, Isak,” Eskild offered before wrapping his arms around Isak’s shoulders and guiding him out to the rest of the party. Isak was drunk, so he let him though he hardly listened to him as he talked. “I am an absolute champ at pong, honestly, you will not be disappointed. Plus, two gays on a team? That’s more than lucky. But, I do have a good luck handshake I’ll need to teach you so we can do it before it starts. It goes like this...hey...Isak, how drunk are you?” 

“Sorry, not...that drunk,” Isak said, looking around the room at everyone talking, playing card games, Magnus and Vilde reuniting. “I’m not doing a handshake, Eskild.” 

“We _have_ to,” Eskild said, slapping Isak’s hand before grabbing it and moving it over to the side. “Okay, so it starts like this. Isak. I’m serious. We’re doing this handshake, you won’t regret it. Seriously, we’ll be champs. It’s luck.” 

“Why are you like this?” Isak groaned, shaking his head as he let Eskild guide him through the ridiculous handshake that just so happened to end with jazz hands. And, Isak did it before the started, against Magnus and Even. And, he and Eskild won. So, the chances grew a little higher that it was lucky and as Isak got more drunk, he became more compliant to it, doing their jazz hands dramatically and owning the pong table.

Then Magnus wanted to be on _his_ team. 

*  
Even may have thrown the game with Magnus so that Isak would win. He didn’t expect for him to win so many times after that because of how drunk he was, but he did. Even watched, wanting to make sure there was no shift in him becoming drunk and too-drunk. He drank a lot and Even would rather keep an eye on him. He was drunk enough, himself. Collected, though, he thought. So, he watched and admired Isak and talked to whoever chose to talk to him. Currently, it was Eskild. 

“Your eyes wander over to that boy more often than the word _like_ is used in the english language, you know,” Eskild said, clicking his tongue. They were talking about some guy that Eskild was thinking of seeing exclusively. And, Even was trying to be attentive and listen. But, he was drunk enough and feeling a little needy. He wanted to hold Isak and kiss his nose and run his fingers through his soft hair. “Never have I ever seen a couple so in love. I thought it didn’t exist.” 

“I’m glad it does,” Even said with a little laugh, looking back at Eskild with a shrug. “I’m sorry, what were you saying?” 

“Even,” Mikael came from behind. He’d seen him wandering about for the past hour or so, but he had been the only person at the party he hadn’t talked to yet. The one who wanted to talk to him, who texted him about it. “Hey, can we go somewhere to talk?” 

“Everything okay? Need someplace quiet, like my room?” Eskild offered, gesturing over to the direction of his door. “I heard about Jonas, Miakel, I’m so sorry. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, I mean, I know it’s not so muscular but it knows how to have a good time..” 

“Jesus, Eskild,” Even said with a laugh, shaking his head and rolling his eyes before cupping his hand on Mikael’s shoulder to lead him away to Eskild’s room where they could talk. “Come on.” 

When they got to the door to Eskild’s room, Even opened it for the two of them and they walked inside, leaving the door cracked just a little to try to block out most of the sound without completely secluding them from everyone else. Even didn’t know exactly what it was that Mikael wanted from him, but he didn’t think it was important enough that they needed a full bedroom just to themselves, so the cracked door seemed like the right thing to do. 

Even had never been in Eskild’s room before, but he hadn’t expected it to be so clean, bed made with mismatched pillows of all colors and a grey comforter–it even smelled like lavender. Even opted to sit on the edge of the carefully made bed, looking up at Mikael as he did. It had been a long time since he and Mikael had been in a room alone together, but Even wasn't going to make it weird. So, he just smiled and patted the spot beside him on the mattress. 

“Well, Eskild sure keeps everything clean,” Even said, shrugging and smiling as Mikael took a place on the bed, a good few inches away from him. “Anyway, what was it that you wanted to talk about?” 

“So if Eskild heard, I'm sure you know that Jonas and I stopped seeing each other,” Mikael said with a shrug of his shoulders and a half hearted smile. “I didn't think I was looking for anything serious with him, but I started to fall for him and he ran. And it's fine, I guess…” 

“You guess?” Even raised an eyebrow. He had known it'd be a matter of time before Jonas hurt Mikael, but part of him had hoped he wouldn't get hurt because he still cared and thought he might always care. It actually kind of stung Even that Mikael was hurting. Basically, just more guilt that he had found Isak and Mikael was still so lost. “I mean, if you need to talk about it, I can always be here. A shoulder to cry on and whatnot.” 

“And whatnot,” Mikael said with a little laugh, shaking his head and leaning back on his hands. He closed his eyes for a moment and then looked back over at Even, the room growing quiet and still as he sat in thought. Even thought he’d wait for Mikael to speak, he was the one with something to say and he’d say it eventually. And he did. “Even…I…I don’t think I’m ever going to find someone to love me the way you did.”

“That’s probably the most dramatic thing you’ve ever said, Mikael,” Even said, not being able to help the drunk rumble of a laugh that followed. He and Mikael were long over, they were kids when they dated and they were still kids now, but things had changed. Mikael’s expiration date to find someone to love him seemed to fall a little short of the actual time that he had. Which was the rest of his life. “Just because I’ve got Isak now doesn’t mean you need to have someone, too. Everyone meets who they’ll be with at different times in their life.”

“And some never do,” Mikael sighed, sitting up straight again and running his hands through his hair. “What if the people who never do are like me? What if the person who loved them most found someone else?” 

“Mikael, I promise you, that is not the case,” Even told him, shaking his head and starting to push himself off the mattress. He was fine with the idea of consoling him, of making him feel better, but he wasn't going to go on like this with Mikael telling him that he had no hope for himself. As if Even was his only option, ever. “Seriously, you're going to find someone.” 

“Even, I love you,” Mikael said, a quiet and alarmed voice quaking the space between them as Mikael grabbed for Even's hand to pull him back down on to the edge of the bed with him. Even hadn’t suspected the sudden pull and he ended up crashing back to the bed, almost falling right on top of Mikael. The next thing he knew, Mikael was trying to roll them over as his lips pressed hard against Even’s, a hand sliding up the back of Even's neck. Even couldn't quite pull away in time for the ordeal not to ruin his life because, of course just as he managed to pull away, Isak was walking into the room. 

“Eskild told me—whoa, sorry, I’ll leave you two alone,” Isak said quickly, stumbling in and then out of the room with a hand over his eyes. Even blinked at the interaction then stood up to chase after him when he stumbled right back in, “Wait, no. Why would I leave you alone? You’re _my_ boyfriend, in here kissing someone else.” 

“Isak, I’m sorry, Mikael’s feeling down,” Even started to spew, walking quickly over to Isak and putting his hands on the boys arms. He squirmed out of his touch and slapped away his hands. “I’m sure he didn’t mean it. I just wanted to help him out. I swear, it’s not what it looks like.” 

“Help him out by _kissing_ him?” Isak asked incredulously. Even had no idea what to do, he felt immediately sobered up as he watched Isak’s mind scramble behind his eyes. He was drunk and this was probably one of his worst nightmares. So, Even began preparing himself for the worst.

“I didn’t kiss him, baby, he kissed me,” Even told him, not being able to help his hands from reaching out to hold Isak’s arms. But, he shook him off again so they just fell right back down to his sides while Isak stood there, defiantly pathetic and visibly angry. “Isak, please, we were just talking. I would never, ever kiss anyone else. Please, Isak.” 

“You guys need to talk, then fine, talk and that can lead to kissing and whatever else,” Isak crossed his arms and spun around. “I'm leaving.”

“So he’s just going to walk out on you, real mature,” Mikael said as Isak exited the room. If Isak heard, he made no indication of that. Even couldn’t help but get mad though, he spun around and looked right at Mikael. 

“You don’t get to judge him,” Even spat, making sure to meet Mikael’s gaze so that knew how serious Even was being, “You’re the one kissing his boyfriend. You’re the one in the wrong here. We’re over, Mikael. Done. I love Isak, I don’t want to be with anyone but Isak. You’ll find someone, you will, but it’s not me and if you’re going to be like this, I’d appreciate it if you stayed away for a while. I really don’t need this right now.” 

Even watched him open his mouth to argue, but he didn’t stay in the room long enough to hear it. He didn’t care right now. He just needed to find Isak. He needed to make sure Isak was okay. He needed to make sure Isak knew that Even loved him, only him, and that he wanted to be with only him for the rest of time. When he walked out, he noticed a few eyes on him—people who either heard all the yelling, or Isak had zoomed past in a hurry, causing a scene. Eskild was the one who approached him, a forlorned look on his face. 

“When I offered you the room, I didn’t think you’d do _that_ ,” He said and shook his head. “He stormed off and Jonas followed him. Good luck.” 

“Great. Thanks.” 

 

**~Saturday Morning~**

Even had run to the bus stop, just to watch the bus pull away with Jonas and Isak on it. His heart was pounding in pain and exhaustion. Jonas and Isak disappearing into the night broke him, made him feel like he was losing the most important thing in his life. He called Isak about a thousand times while he waited for the next bus. No answer, so he called Jonas. When Even finally got him to answer, Even was on the bus and Jonas told him that he had just dropped Isak off at home. 

That led him to where they were. In Isak’s bed. When Even got home, Isak was there, laying down with blankets over his face. When Even climbed in bed next to him and tried to hold him, he squirmed away. He wouldn’t talk to Even, and Even could tell he wasn’t asleep, but he just stayed their, lying beside him, watching him until his eyes closed for the night. 

But now he was awake in a very familiar position. Isak was laying on his stomach, rolled over onto Even’s arm while his own arm draped over Even’s own stomach. Even’s hand was asleep and his head was confused, but it was good to wake up next to Isak, cuddled like that. Especially after all the worry went through his mind the night before. 

He squirmed a little underneath Isak’s body and turned onto his side and reaching to run his hand up and down Isak’s back. He was a sleeping angel that could break Even’s heart in a moment. So, Even enjoyed him as he was, asleep, soft, and still. It wasn’t long enough, though, because Isak was opening his eyes and squirming away not too long after. 

“Good morning, Baby,” Even said quietly, letting his hand fall to the bed as Isak squirmed out from underneath it. “How did you sleep?” 

“Even, we’re not pretending everything is fine,” Isak said, his voice raspy and low from the sleep in his throat. It added an edge to the edge Isak was already giving. Even had truly hoped that they could go back to being fine, that Isak would realize the misunderstanding when he woke up, but that didn’t seem to be the case. “I caught you kissing another guy last night. I remember. Mikael. Of all people.” 

“Mikael kissed me, I pushed him away,” Even sighed a little and shook his head before sitting up in bed and crossing his legs. “Listen, I want to tell the story from the beginning, okay? I went in there to talk to him because he was upset about Jonas. Then, suddenly he’s going off saying that no one will love him like I did or something, which is all bullshit. He’s just alone and he’s scared of it. I was telling him that I have you and he’ll find someone too, but then he said he loved me and he kissed me. That’s when you walked in, Is. It couldn’t have been worse timing.” 

“Yeah, I could’ve given you thirty minutes and you could’ve gotten away with so much more,” Isak said sarcastically as he got himself out of bed. Even watched him as he pulled on his pants. Once he was dressed, he sat at the desk, far away from Even as they talked. “You two could have reconnected and lived happily ever after.” 

“That’s ridiculous,” Even said, rolling his eyes and moving to the edge of the bed to be closer to Isak. “I would have told you about it, you know. I wouldn’t have wanted to keep that from you. Mikael kissing me, I mean. I love you too much to keep something like that from you. But, you have to believe me. I did not kiss him. I would not have kissed him back.” 

“Not without ending it with me first,” Isak sighed and then knocked his knuckles on the desk beside him a few times. “I get it, you know. I’ve always been the friend but Mikael...he was the first love. You saw him and you wanted him and you got him. But I was just a friend, that’s what I’m destined to be.” 

“What? No way,” Even shook his head, not being able to help wanting to be closer to Isak. He wanted to be closer and to hold him and to look in his eyes while he told him everything he needed him to hear. He wanted to brand it into his soul in any way that he could. “Isak, you’re my best friend _and_ my soulmate. Mikael and I are not destined, that's why we broke up in the first place. I wouldn’t have kissed him back because you’re the only one I want to be kissing. You need to believe me.”

“When I registered what I saw, my heart broke into so many pieces, Even,” Isak said, pulling his knees up into his chest in the desk chair. “All I could think is that I should have seen it coming. I should have seen you two working your way back together. That I should have known you and I would never last. I was only good enough to be a friend, if that.” 

“Can I tell you why all of that is so absurd?” Even asked with an eyebrow raise. When Isak nodded, Even put his arms out and made grabby hands at him, hoping to get the boy in his arms. It took him a few moments, but then he caved, getting up from the desk and crawling into Even’s lap, where he belonged. “It’s ridiculous because I have never felt the way I feel about you, not ever. I think that I even knew that when I was actually dating Mikael. I mean, it’s you, Isak. It’s always been you. I’d literally marry you right now if I could, if that would prove it to you. I love you so damn much, I can’t see any day without you. I need you to know that, no matter what happens.” 

“I spent so long being your friend and _wanting_ to be more,” Isak said quietly as his head fell into Even’s neck. “We moved so fast from that and it feels like I can fall back into that place at any time. Especially after all the time I spent seeing you and Mikael… and then seeing you like that _again_ felt like that spiral back to what we were before. So, I need _you_ to understand why it doesn’t feel absurd or ridiculous or anything else you want to call it.” 

“I don’t ever plan on us going back to that place,” Even said, wrapping his arms tight around the boy who was sitting sideways in his lap. He ran one hand through his hair and the other up and down his side. “I have always been your friend, but I can’t remember ever looking at you as _just_ a friend. You amazed me even before I knew I could be amazed like this. I’m not saying I don’t understand, because I do, I get it. I have those worries, too. I worry that this isn’t all you expected it to be. I worry that you’re going to realize that I’m better off as just your friend. And, I get how seeing me and Mikael like may have sparked those worries, I do and I’m so sorry. Maybe I should have expected that to happen but, I didn’t and I would do absolutely anything to make it up to you.” 

“It’s okay,” Isak breathed, the wet warmth coating Even’s neck for a moment before the boy pulled back and looked into Even’s eyes. Even could see all the worry and fear that lay in the green. He wished he could make it go away. “When Jonas dropped me off…I don’t know, I thought about getting back at you, I thought about kissing Jonas. And, I didn’t and he was good and didn’t try anything but, I don’t know. Maybe you should hate me for that.”

“I don’t hate you,” Even sighed and then pulled Isak to lay back down on the bed with him. “I was definitely thrown off to find that, of all people, you left with Jonas. I don’t hate you for having that thought, though. I guess I feel a little jealous…I mean, do you have feelings for him, then?”

“No, really, really, I don’t. I didn't even mean to leave with him, he followed me,” Isak said before sniffling and getting comfortable in their new horizontal position. Even lightened his grip around him just a little so that he could squirm into place. “It was just a thought, fleeting, vindictive, and I regret it. I really don’t want to kiss Jonas. I want to kiss you and only you and I want you to kiss me and only me.” 

“Well I plan on only kissing you. You’re the only one I want to kiss,” Even told him, letting his hand drag up Isak's back underneath his shirt now. “And I've asked Mikael for space. I hope we can move past this, I really do. We just have to trust each other, okay? And if anything changes about how we feel then we have to be honest with each other.” 

“And, so, minute by minute?” 

“Exactly,” Even breathed out, finally feeling like they were going to be settled, that everything would be okay. “And in this minute, we love each other more than words can describe.” 

“Plus, in this minute, you would marry me.” 

“I would,” Even replied, not being able to help the smile that accompanied the words. He was glad that Isak heard that part, that he hung onto it because, for Even, it was a promise for the forever he wanted with Isak. He'd marry Isak and stay with him until the day he died. So, he found Isak's lips with his own and crushed them together in a kiss filled with need; the need to prove to him the truth, the need to have Isak melt into him completely.  
*

**~Saturday Afternoon~**

Even and Isak spent the morning in bed apologizing with their words and with their actions. They held on tight to each other as if the idea of ever letting go was infeasible. They stripped down, let their bodies collide and reunite, and the clutched onto each other with all of their might. Isak specifically was feeling like Even could slip through his fingertips. He felt reassured, happy to know how badly Even seemed to want to be with him, but the night before had been a shock to his system, to the entire way of life that he was living and he really wasn’t ready to let him go. 

Maybe Drunk Isak overreacted, maybe he should have stayed and listened to Even. Maybe he would have had a better night. But he hadn’t because it all felt so real. It was like he’d gone completely back in time while somehow seeing his future. It wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t anything he wanted. So, he just knew he had to leave, he had to get out. He didn’t even know he was crying, he couldn’t even remember making a scene, but he must’ve because everyone else knew instantly. Then Jonas was following him out the door and then they were talking and Isak was remembering what he had liked in him and thought maybe he could swing it. 

He couldn’t. The exact moment that he decided he was going to kiss Jonas was the same moment he realized that it wouldn’t be as good as kissing Even. He knew that right then, if he was losing Even, then he was losing everything. Nothing would ever be as good. Nothing would feel as perfect or just right. Nothing could live up to the short time he’d been dating Even and he didn’t know what to do about it, but he knew kissing Jonas wasn’t going to help. 

Isak just had to live for the minute. He had to trust Even, and he did. He had to not worry about going back to pining after Even. He couldn’t worry about the idea of maybe someday not having Even the way he did now. They were perfect as is—minus the blip that was Mikael kissing Even. 

When he finally decided to peel himself away from Even long enough to check his phone he had texts and missed calls galore. Not just the calls he’d missed from Even the night before, but from Jonas too, and texts from Eskild, Eva, Magnus, and Sana. Apparently whatever scene he made the night before had his friends worried. Not just about him but about his and Even’s relationship. 

****

-Mags-

****

****  


_Issssaaaaakkkkk_  
_I hope everything is okay with Evak 09:23_

_I know I was annoyed about you spending all your time together but you guys are perf 09:25_

_But we do need to hang out more_  
_But I do hope everything is okay 09:28_

_You better be not answering me because you’re make-up fucking 10:03_

 

**-Eva-**

_Let me know if you need to talk 10:32_

_last night was crazy 10:33_

 

**-Eskild-**

_baby gay, everything is going to be okay._  
_your guru promises. 10:15_

_but I do need to know EVERYTHING that happened last night._  
_so you’re going to have to give me the details. all of them. 10:16_

 

**-Sana-**

_ditch the parties and hang out later? 11:21_

 

“Do you have a bunch of texts, too?” Isak asked, rolling over and shooting out a few texts to everyone, including Jonas who had just called a couple of times instead of texting. He let them know that everything was okay and that he’d talk to them later, letting Sana know that he might have to take her up on that offer. “I guess I put us in the spotlight. What did I say?” 

“I don’t know,” Even said with a shrug, grabbing his phone and scrolling through his texts too. Isak wondered if Mikael was one of them, but he didn’t actually want to know. He didn’t want to think about it too much. “You left the room, I told Mikael to leave me alone then went to go after you, and somehow in that amount of time, you let everyone know what you walked in on and left with Jonas.”

“Ugh, I’m sorry,” Isak pouted and then curled back into Even’s side. “We’re supposed to be the most amazing couple in all the universes and I made a scene.” 

“Just because we’re an amazing couple doesn’t mean that we can’t have bad days or we can’t fight,” Even said, setting down his own phone. He wrapped his arms back around Isak, and Isak relaxed at the touch on his back. “We’re only human, we can’t be perfect, baby. Not all the time, anyway. So don’t worry about it. You know what we should worry about is the fact that we are a good few days into December and I have no idea what you want for Christmas.”

“That’s a lie, you always get me something perfect without me telling you anything,” Isak groaned a little. Even was great at gifts, always knowing exactly what Isak was going to want without Isak even knowing it himself. Isak was the one who was going to have to worry about getting Even something. Hopefully he would get a job soon so he could start saving up for something good. Maybe he could get Even a camera if he actually saved enough money, so Even could stop using his iPhone for everything.

“Yeah, but now I have to do better than I ever have,” Even said, pulling back and looking Isak in the eyes. “Because now you’re my boyfriend and I need to get you a boyfriend sized gift and it needs to be absolutely perfect.” 

“Great,” Isak groaned louder this time, moving to press his face into Even’s chest. “This puts a lot of pressure on me, you know. I never know what to get you.” 

“You’ll do fine, babe,” Even laughed and pressed a few kisses to the top of Isak’s head, “Don’t stress, I’ll love anything you give me.You could even get me more rocks. Lots and lots of Isak-reminding-rocks and I’d be so happy.” 

“Oh shut up, you won’t be getting any more rocks.” 

 

 **~Saturday Evening~**  
*  
When Isak suggested that they hang out with Sana at her house, Even was nervous for obvious reasons. It wasn’t often that Mikael and the rest of the boys weren’t over there hanging out. Even would know, he used to be one of them, over there all the time, hanging out, giving Sana a hard time. But, Sana promised Isak that Elias told her they’d be out all night long, so they went in hopes of steering clear of drama for the night. It started with just the three of them watching movies that Sana had picked—Even was always surprised that she had pretty good taste in movies, though she did seem to have a thing for the more bloody and gory ones—then they ended up inviting Chris, who was bored and pleading with Even over text to come. Even, of course, said yes, but told her she could only come if she brought over snacks. 

So, now they were snacking on an abundance of Chris’ favourites, barely paying attention to the movie she suggested and just talking about nothing in particular.

“Eva and Noora are saying the party is lame, can we invite them too?” Chris asked, a tube of raw cookie dough in one hand, her phone in the other. On top of a few tubes of the raw cookie dough, she had brought skittles—which was a specific request from Even—and chocolates, chips, and pretzels for the four of them to snack on.

“Don’t invite them without inviting Vilde,” Sana said, looking up at Chris from where she was sat on the floor against the couch near her feet. “She might be busy with Magnus but you know she’ll have a fit if she finds out we all hung out without inviting her.”

“True, I’ll send out the invite in the group chat,” Chris said, clicking her tongue and then setting down her cookie dough beside her before looking at Even and Isak, “Is it okay with you or are you guys trying to hide from everyone after last night? Should I specify no Magnus?” 

“It’s fine, invite whoever, we just don’t want to talk about last night, and we don’t want any drama,” Even said, squeezing Isak’s side. They were wrapped up in each other on Sana’s loveseat, completing their full day of not letting go of each other, which was obviously essential after the previous night’s mishap. “It was just a lot of stupid miscommunication and we’d rather not relive it.” 

“Back in your happy little couple bubble, I see,” Sana said, raising her eyebrows and looking over at the two of them. “Sickening as usual, but I guess I’m used to it by now.” 

“You’re one to talk,” Chris said to Even’s left, pointing her whole tube of cookie dough at Sana, who was already giving her a death glare. But, Chris didn’t care, she just went on, no filter applied, directing her speech to Even and Isak now. “When Mutta and I hang out with Yousef and her? They basically eye fuck each other the whole time. Not to mention they flirt like they’re in primary school, teasing each other and stuff. It’s cute and I love it, but she definitely has no room to judge your happy bubble.”

“Eye-fucking? Are you kidding me?” Sana still had her death glare on as she threw one of the decorative pillows she had been holding to her chest at Chris. 

“From what I’ve seen, she’s not lying, Sana,” Isak said with a shrug and a smug little smile, probably happy to be able to tease Sana for once since she was usually the one doing all the teasing. “Don’t worry, eye-fucking isn’t going to stop you from getting into heaven or whatever. Or, probably not, anyway.” 

“As if I don’t already know that,” Sana said with an eye roll, having to reach for the next pillow to throw, which she did, sending it in both Even and Isak’s direction. It hit them both, but mainly Even, right in the face. 

“Hey! I didn’t even say anything!” Even said, tossing the pillow back at her, lightly, and not actually directly at her, but close enough to hit her in the side. “I was more focused on the fact that you four hang out together. Double dates? That sounds cute.” 

“Actually, Mutta and I are like, besties at this point,” Chris said with a shrug, “I think I get along better with your boys than you do, Even.” 

“And here I was, thinking that I’m your bestie,” Even shook his head and grabbed another pillow, throwing it directly at Chris. She laughed and grabbed it, swinging her arm to hit him with it again, hitting both him and Isak much harder than Even hit her. “Well, that’s definitely no way to treat a bestie, anyway. Obviously, we can’t be friends.” 

“It’s okay, Even, I’ll be your bestie,” Isak said with a smile, cutely nuzzling into him further, his nose squishing up against the side of his face. “You don’t need her.” 

“Rude!” Chris said, swinging the pillow at them again which basically started a full-on pillow fight. It was a little too cliché for Even, but he wound up participating anyway, grabbing onto a pillow and—mainly—using Isak as a target. Because he was an easy target, and cute one at that.  
*

“Isak! What happened to your eye?” Eva shouted as she walked into the living room where the rest of them were continuing their movie night. She and Noora came straight from a party and Eva seemed pretty drunk already, but Noora seemed to have herself under control. “It was Mikael, wasn’t it? When did he hit you? I’ll hit him!” 

“Eva, Eva, calm down,” Isak said with a laugh, getting up and leading the two girls over to the couch next to Chris.. “This black eye is from a pillow fight. Apparently I’m fragile.” 

“You got a black eye...from...a pillow fight?” Eva asked, covering her mouth for a second to stop her laughter. But then she stopped and widened her eyes. “Wait, this isn’t a domestic violence excuse is it? Even, are you hurting our poor little Isak? I’ll kick your ass!” 

“It wasn’t even me! It was Chris!” Even said in defense, throwing his arms out and then making grabby hands at Isak. Isak laughed and then joined him back in his lap. It was pretty much ridiculous that Isak got a black eye from a fucking pillow, but it also seemed like just his luck. Actually, though, he didn’t mind too much because it made Even baby him, shower him in kisses and hold him close. It wasn’t even a real black eye, just some bruising above his cheek bone, he would survive. 

“Yeah, that’s right, I annihilated pretty boy Isak,” Chris told them, flexing her muscles and then laughing, “With a pillow!”

“Isak, that’s so sad!” Eva said, not being able to hold back her laughter this time as she and Noora cuddled up on the couch next to the other girl. “I guess you really are fragile.”

“Pillows can be dangerous, especially these decorative ones,” Isak defended himself, moving around in Even’s arms to face the rest of them, “it’s not my fault that Chris was _trying_ to kill me over being Even’s bestie.”

“You can’t prove anything,” Chris told him and then got up, “But basically, I think we should take the rest of the night easy for our little princess. Oh, maybe we could do his makeup.”

“I am not putting on makeup,” Isak said, shaking his head and then looking up at Even to see what his opinion would be on the matter. Even just shrugged and smiled at him, so he sighed and turned back around. “Nope. No makeup. You can paint my nails but this _princess_ is good without the makeup. Maybe you can make-up Even. He’d probably look good with some of that eye stuff.” 

“You know, eyeliner _would_ make your eyes pop,” Noora said, leaning closer to Even from where she sat to get a better look at his eyes. “Not that they don’t already, but I bet it’d be hot.” 

“I’ll only do it if Isak does,” Even said with a little smirk, as if he knew that Noora had just planted this seed in Isak’s head. As if he knew that, suddenly, seeing Even in eyeliner was kind of everything he wanted. That seeing his eyes pop more, somehow was at the top of his priority list. Probably because Even was thinking the same thing about Isak. 

“Alright, paint our nails and give us some eyeliner, lets go,” Isak said with a little groan to keep up his act of being too cool for the makeup, but really, he kind of felt excited to give it a try, to see Even with his eyes popping, to see what it’d do to his own features. He was just glad the boys weren’t going to be around to see it. “Before I change my mind.” 

 

“I look like one of those guys in the whiney bands that Even likes to listen to,” Isak said as he looked at himself in his phone’s selfie camera. Even looked good, it was a nice little change for his eyes, the black lining the blue and drawing Isak’s eyes right to the hues that swam through his dreams. “Why do you look so much better than me?”

“I do not,” Even scoffed, grabbing the phone and then holding it out in front of the two of them to grab a selfie of them together with their new looks. “You look so good, baby. Wear eyeliner _all_ the time.” 

“I am _not_ going to do that,” Isak said and pecked his cheek for another picture for Even. “Not even for you, I’m sorry. I love you but _no_.” 

“Well, depending on whether or not you can figure out how to get it off, it might be there for the next couple days,” Eva said with a shrug. “Eyeliner can be a bitch. But, I love it.” 

“You don’t think that’s something you could have told me _before_ you contaminated my eyes,” Isak groaned and went to start rubbing it off when all the girls screamed in unison. 

“DON’T,” Eva quickly grabbed his hands to stop him and then went off. “You _really_ don’t want to smudge it, trust me. That’ll be even worse. Just. Keep your hands away from your eyes. I’ll bring you some eye makeup remover tomorrow.” 

“I’m just not supposed to touch my eyes?” 

“You know, you really shouldn’t be touching your eyes, anyway,” Sana shrugged with a little smirk to herself and then took a sip of her water before going on. “That’s the fastest way germs get spread. You probably shouldn’t have even shared the eyeliner, actually. Let’s just hope no one here has any fungal diseases or even just a common cold.” 

“Again, something you could have—”

“WASSUP BITCHES,” Adam yelled as he and the rest of the boys burst through the door. It was Adam and Elias, followed by Mutta and Yousef and lastly Mikael. Isak froze. First, because the eyeliner suddenly felt far out of his comfort zone, but second because there he was. Mikael. Mikael, the one who Even loved first. Mikael, the one who still apparently loved Even. Mikael, the one who kissed Even the night before in an effort to get him back. 

“Even, what the fuck is on your face?” Elias asked, hitting Adam in the chest and pointing at Even and Isak across the room before most of them broke into laughter. Besides Mikael, who stood there pretty still. Isak hoped that he was feeling guilt, shame, anything that made this moment one of the worst for him. Because, Isak was really close to jumping up and attacking him. He hadn’t hit him the night before, hadn’t done anything the night before at all, but that was because he had been drunk and upset. Now, he was sober he just felt so angry and ready to fight for Even. 

“Elias, I told you we were going to be here and to stay away,” Sana said, getting up and starting to try to shove Elias out of the room, but he didn’t budge. “Seriously, go. You’re ruining our night.” 

“Well, Sister Dearest,” Elias said, poking her shoulder and pushing her back with just his pointer finger. “I just can’t stand the idea of losing Even again, you know he is a very dear friend to me. So, us boys brought Mikael here to apologize. If he can’t bring his ass to give Even and Isak an apology, then we’re out. But, it’s kind of ridiculous, so I took matters into my own hands. Plus, it’s my house and I didn’t want to be banished from it.” 

“Are you drunk or something?” Sana asked incredulously, going back to pushing on him to get him out. “Now is not a good time, get out.” 

Isak felt tense, felt ready to jump, but Even squeezed him, wrapping his arms around him tight as if he was trying to keep him down, as if he knew exactly what was on Isak’s mind. Isak assumed that even if he did manage to get away from Even, he wouldn’t get to Mikael before someone else stopped him, anyway, so he stayed still and let the anger and annoyance bubble inside of him. 

“Come on, Sana,” Elias groaned and then looked over at the two boys on the couch, “Ev, what do you say, just one quick apology, yeah?” 

“I, uhh..” Even looked at Isak for a moment, his eyes asking him what Isak wanted him to do. It was a frustrating and loaded question in Isak’s mind. It wasn’t like he wanted to keep Even away from his friends. He would _never_ want to take him away from his friends, he understood how much they meant to him. But, what was an apology going to do? What was going to be on Mikael’s mind the moment the two of them started communicating again? Was he always going to be trying to steal Even away from Isak? It really didn’t feel fair to put this on him. To put this on Even, either. 

“Don’t you think…” Noora was the one who spoke, clearing her throat and staying where she was sat next to Isak. Perhaps she saw the worry in his face, or could just hear the thoughts rushing through his head, because she went on to say something that probably would have crossed Isak’s mind later on as a good thing to say, because at the moment, he honestly would have said it was fine and let himself continue boiling up inside. “Well, I mean, that Mikael should figure out his shit first? I mean, this isn’t Even’s fault, he shouldn’t have to stop hanging out with you guys because Mikael wanted to be frisky or whatever. He can apologize all he wants but has anything actually changed?” 

“Yeah, well, I don’t know what I was thinking,” Mikael said, clearing his throat and shaking his head. “But, uh, I’m working on it. I _am_ sorry, because you guys are good for each other and all. But, yeah, I mean, I’m fine with the space. So, I’m just going to go.” 

“Nah, man, come on, we’ll just go up to my room,” Elias said with a shrug, moving to clap onto Mikael’s shoulder and lead him upstairs. Isak thought maybe everything was being ruined for Even and his friends, and he thought maybe it was his fault and guilt started to build up in his chest, taking over the anger and the rage that had previously been bubbling. The guilt just grew as the boys left the room. He wondered if he should talk to them, or at least one of them. For Even. 

He would contact one of them in the morning or something. Yousef, maybe, because he was always the nicest one to Isak. He’d just make sure that the boys didn’t hate Even, that they would still want to hang out with him. That they would find a way to make it work, maybe without Mikael around or something. He’d figure it out for Even.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is called "The Wrong Lover" is for Even and Mikael's relationship. I got the title from a poem. It is the title of a poem by r.h. Sin if you want to check it out. A lot of his poems give me Evak inspo or just feels in general over Evak. I still haven't had the chance to proofread the last two chapters and now this one too but anyway I'm going to try to get all of that done in the next two days hopefully.


	21. Déjà Vu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter! there's like a pretty good outline for everything that needs to happen so sorry if some of this seems forced but ~~ enjoy!

**~Sunday Morning~**

“I told you guys I’d be here,” Eva groaned and covered her eyes, spinning around and facing the wall away from the boys. They were still naked and tangled up together when she barged in. Isak had been asleep and Even had been awake. Even jumped when the door swung open, waking Isak as he pulled the sheets completely over the two of them for cover. She held up a plastic bottle she had in her hand where she stood,shaking it so the liquid inside would splash around, “With the makeup remover. I texted both of you” 

“Sorry, Isak sleeps late,” Even said as he scrambled under the sheets, grabbing boxers and shirts that were strewn across the floor next to his side of the bed from the night before for the boys to put on. Isak was flustered and still half asleep, but he was coherent enough to know that this was what they were doing, getting dressed and paying attention to Eva, who was in their room, who they had forgotten they told to come over that morning. “I should have checked my phone, I was just…” 

“Creepily staring at Isak while he slept, I get it,” Eva said and crossed her arms, she was facing the wall and tapping her foot impatiently, “You guys _are_ getting dressed, aren’t you?” 

“Yes, we’re getting dressed. But, I wasn’t creepy staring, it was more like admiring,” Even huffed as he tossed Isak a pair of jeans and started pulling on his own. Even gave him a little smile and a wink before running his hand through his hair and pushing it back, somehow automatically becoming ready for the day. Looking amazing, as usual, even with the black eyeliner smudging around his eyes. Isak briefly wondered if he’d ever seen Even with the eyeliner again. For whatever reason, Isak would actually kind of miss it. 

“I think it’s cute. Plus you’re the one who didn’t knock, Eva” Isak said as he buttoned up his own jeans. He wasn’t actually sure if she knocked, he’d been sleeping, but he hadn’t heard anything and the point was this was their own space, they couldn’t be judged for what happened in the walls of their own rooms. He was tired and felt like a mess, but the idea of Even watching him, admiring him while he slept made his heart full, made him happily awake, he felt no reason for Even to be ashamed of it. “But, we’re dressed.”

They spent way too long trying to get the eyeliner off. It just seemed like it kept smudging more and more and more. So, once Eva got tired of Isak seeming to just fail at it, she took over and finished taking it off for him. His eyes managed to be red and puffy by the end of it—and Even gave them a few kisses for him. But, once it was gone and they were settled, the three of them decided to go get coffee together. 

Even drove and teased Isak the entire time about not being able to drive. But, Isak wasn’t too big on the idea of driving. Even said he would teach him a million times, but he just felt like it was worthless. A bus got him to and from with no problem. Or, you know, Even could chauffeur him for the rest of his life. That worked too. But, by the time they got there and they got their coffees, the subject had passed and Isak was thankful for it. 

“Officially, I’d say you shouldn’t be embarrassed to talk to me about your sex life,” Eva said before taking a sip of her coffee and sitting back in the seats. They were talking, getting personal, laughing at each other—Isak mostly in his clumsiness and sometimes awkwardness. Even had just had the idea of a story of Isak on full display of clumsy, but he hadn’t been sure to tell it because Isak had been riding him at the time. In end, Isak let him tell it and now they were laughing at him, and he was still a little embarrassed, but it felt good to tell the ridiculous story. 

“And why is that?” Isak asked with an eyebrow raise. 

“Well, when I walked in this morning, I saw your ass, and like...half of Even’s dick,” Eva said, obviously trying to hold back a laugh by rubbing her mouth. “And, I mean, wow, congrats Isak, congrats Even. Beautiful parts.” 

“Oh my God,” Even said, smacking his hand on the table and bursting into laughter. His whole body rocked as he laughed and shook his head, finding the whole thing to be as hilarious as Eva seemed to find it to be. 

“Oh my God,” Isak said, trying to be more serious about it, after all, “you saw my boyfriend’s dick?” 

“Some of it,” Eva shrugged and then laughed a little more before sipping her coffee and trying to be serious. “And, careful, I might have to steal him from you.” 

“In a million years,” Isak said and gripped onto Even’s side as he gave her a playful glare. He wasn’t going to try to get actually jealous at the information, but he did feel a little pang in his side at the idea of letting go of Even for anyone, of anyone getting to see the parts that were just for him. “But maybe I will have to get even and look at your boobs or something.” 

“You’re gay and you want to see my boobs?” Eva asked, raising an eyebrow incredulously at the boy. He really didn’t because he really wasn’t interested, but he thought that they may as well make a game out of it. If they were going to talk about Isak’s ass and Even’s junk, then they might as well talk about Eva’s chest. 

“Uh, no, they’re probably just like, boobs,” Isak shrugged, “boring, like the ones in movies or on the other girls I’ve seen, but still, it would be kind of like getting even if I saw them.”

“Isak, I don’t care if you’re not turned on by them,” Even said, raising his eyebrows, “you’re not allowed to go out of your way to see Eva’s boobs. If you were like changing in the same room, whatever. But, nope, the rest sounds too suggestive, I absolutely forbid it.” 

“You forbid it?” Isak asked, nudging Even playfully. He knew Even wasn’t actually forbidding it—he wouldn’t be so strict or demands—but, for a moment he wondered if maybe Eva didn’t know all of this was a joke. It was possible that she was thinking that Isak really wanted to see her boobs and now he and Even were going to fight over Even forbidding it. Maybe they’d fallen out of touch, maybe she wasn’t able to tell when Isak was joking anymore, so he spoke up, “Hey, you know we’re joking, right?”

“Oh yeah, totally. I was just thinking… it feels like we haven’t seen each other so much since everything happened with Jonas,” Eva said as she sipped her coffee. They had been laughing and having a good time, it was obviously a matter of time before one of them brought up the passing of time. Isak had even just been thinking about it the moment before she said anything. How they had been so close and now maybe they didn’t know so much about one another anymore. “It’s kind of hard to say if that’s why or if...well, since we’re both in our own relationships, that maybe we’ve just grown apart.”

“Well, if it’s still about the Jonas thing then I don’t even know why,” Isak said with a little laugh, shaking his head and resting a hand on Even’s thigh, giving it a tight squeeze. “I just mean, I’m so far over that, I hope you are too.” 

“I’m for sure over it,” Eva said reassuringly, leaning back in her seat and smiling at the two of them. “I mean, I really don’t see how you go from Jonas to Even but, hey, it all seemed to work out for you.” 

“I’m sorry but you went from Jonas to _Noora_?” Isak told her, it coming out more as a question as he raised his eyebrows at the girl. “You want to talk about how you get from point A to point B? Besides, for me, Jonas was kind of just...a cute guy. One I could use to finally come out. He was nice and I could talk to him and be myself. But, I think I was mostly into the attention he gave me and a lot less _him_.” 

“Well, I liked him,” Eva said with a little shrug, her eyes going down to her cup as she circled it around the table. “I liked the whole feeling of being able to talk to him and be myself. But, I suppose everything happens for a reason.” 

“Do you feel like you can be yourself with Noora?” Even asked, his arm resting lightly over Isak’s shoulder. He leaned a little into him and then sipped his own coffee. 

“Of course I do.” 

“Do you feel like you could spend forever with Noora?” Even asked some more, his tone a little pushy, as if he was trying to lead to something important. 

“I mean, sure, yeah.” 

“Sorry, I realize Isak and I are the ones who talk about forever,” Even said with a little shake of his head then a kiss to Isak’s cheek. “I just, well, I’m trying to get to a point here. Because, I don’t know, it sounds like you might miss whatever it was that you had with Jonas. Or what you could have had. So, uh, Eva, when I dated Mikael, it was the first time I ever committed myself to guy, and it felt like I was giving up on something. On a life that I could have had if I were a girl. You know, all the tropes that the heteros all want to push on us. A wife and kids of our own, or you know, an angry Dad or brother who I’d have to win over, who would be telling me not to hurt her _or else_. And a bunch of other stuff on top of that, including the fact that people were going to be looking at me differently. I felt...kind of sad about that for a little while. It took me a little while to realize that even though things aren’t going to be everything I had assumed, those pictures I put in my head growing up might not exactly come true, that there would still be so many good experiences, different experiences, fun ones to be had with the person I liked. You know, no matter if it were a boy or a girl. We don’t have to be everything the heteros want from us.” 

“I didn’t know you felt that way, Even,” Isak said with a little pout, turning in his seat and putting a hand on Even’s cheek. It was interesting, though. Isak had spent so long wondering what his life could be if he came out, that it had never crossed his mind that dating Even or being gay ruined the future most people dreamed about. Changed it. He never thought about it, and maybe that was because everything he had with Even, and everything he could have _was_ what he had dreamed. 

“I don’t anymore, don’t worry,” Even said with a little smile, kissing Isak on the lips once then looking back at Eva, “So, I don’t know, if that’s part of what you miss about Jonas, it’ll pass. There’s a normal in your relationship with Noora and there will be a different normal for every relationship you have after her.”

“Right, well, if I feel this way sometimes, how do you think she feels?” Eva said, shaking her head and then massaging her temples a little bit. “And what if we both feel this way and it never goes away? I mean, I know I’m bi, I find girls very attractive but, I still find guys attractive too and what if.. I don’t know, then maybe I’m not or maybe Noora’s not. Because people can find other people attractive but they might not be meant to date them, maybe? I mean, right?”

“Seriously, don’t worry too much on whether or not you’re _gay_ ,” Isak said, shaking his head a little bit. “All you need to know is that she’s a girl, you like her, you like to spend time with her and it feels right. The feelings will subside and if they don’t, you’ll figure it out. Just don’t be afraid of what you like. I was so afraid of liking Even that I had to see him with other people and pretend to support it. It was hell and I advise against it. So, like what you like and don’t be sorry.” 

“Also, you can always talk to Noora about how you feel,” Even told her, leaning forward a bit, pulling Isak with him. “If she feels the same then you guys can talk all about it, it might make you feel better. But, other than that...things are okay? You’re not on the verge of a break up, are you?”

“I don’t plan on breaking up with her,” Eva said, shaking her head and sighing dramatically. “I’m just going to talk to her about everything. I think that’s probably the best. I need to get out of this habit of freaking out and talking to everyone else, first. Noora probably knows best.” 

“Everything is a thousand times better when I just tell Even what’s on my mind,” Isak said with a nod. Even was really good at handling Isak through the hard times. Isak was starting to learn to just come to him first. He was a million times helpful. “So, yeah, talk to Noora. Before lunch tomorrow, all four of us will spend lunch at our windowsill. No question, we’ll see you there.”

“Fine. I’ll talk to her tonight.”

 

**~Sunday Evening~**

**-Yousef Acar-**

_hey, it’s Isak. Even’s boyfriend._   
_ 17:13 _

_I know who you are, Isak._  
 _I’ve got your number saved._  
 _what’s up? Even okay? 17:16_

_Even’s fine._   
_I kind of wanted to see if you could meet up with me sometime soon, I just wanted to talk about everything that’s going on._   
_ 17:18 _

_we can definitely do that._  
 _time and place? 17:21_

Isak decided to talk to Yousef about it because he always seemed like the nicest out of Even’s friends. Isak had always been more on the same plane of Sana to them. A little sibling. Younger, not on the same level, so he tended to feel as though most the boys didn’t like him very much. Even though they got better as he got older, it still felt like there was some sort of wedge between them. And, Isak was fine with that, they were nice enough that he could manage to hang out with him if Even wanted to, no problem. But, the problem that stood was that maybe Even’s friends were going to stop hanging out with him. And, maybe that was because of his relationship with Isak, this time. He really didn’t like the thought of that. 

So he’d talk to them and make sure this Mikael fiasco didn’t interfere. He’d tell them it was stupid to abandon Even over Mikael’s decisions, or figure out some sort of schedule where they could hang out with Even without Mikael. And, even if it went against every fiber of his being, he would tell Even it was okay, try to get him to hang out with them, even if it included Mikael. He’d find a way not to be jealous. He’d trust Even. But, definitely not Mikael. He’d figure it out, somehow. 

“Hey, mister,” Even said. They were sitting on Isak’s bed, Isak leaning against the bedpost and Even between his legs, resting on Isak’s chest as they watched _Game of Thrones_ on his laptop. Isak looked down and met his gaze. He wasn’t sure when Even stopped paying attention to the show, but he knew it was after Isak did, “What’s going on? Your mind is so loud right now.” 

“My _mind_ is so loud right now? Are you high?” Isak asked, raising an eyebrow and moving his hands up to Even’s shoulders. He knew he wasn’t high, they’d been together all day, and they hadn’t smoked at all. Isak, of course, would rather save the subject of what was on his mind until after it was solved. “Smoke in the bathroom the last you went or what?”

“Very funny,” Even said before pressing pause on the show, pushing the laptop away and turning around to face Isak head-on, “You know changing the subject just makes me want to know more. Plus, we tell each other everything. Who were you texting? It wasn’t like, Lea, was it? Is everything okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah, shit, yeah,” Isak shook his head and looked over at his phone again, a sudden pang of guilt going through him over how little he saw his Mom. “Everything’s fine. We should probably start visiting regularly again, though. But, no, that’s not what I’m thinking about.” 

“So you admit that you’re thinking about something,” Even smirked and leaned forward, booping his nose and then moving himself to physically sit in Isak’s lap. “And admitting that tells me that there’s some part of you that wants to talk about it. And so, here I am, you’re trusty boyfriend, ready to talk about it.” 

“Well, my trusty boyfriend,” Isak laughed a little and looked at him for a moment. “I’m trying to be the most perfect, trusty boyfriend you could ever ask for. And I have to make sure I’m doing everything I can to be that for you.” 

“Isak, even in your faults, you’ve always been the most perfect person I have ever known,” Even told him, nudging his nose against the boys cheek before letting his lips glide up his jaw bone. “There’s no way that you could be any more perfect for me. Not even if you tried. Don’t stress about it.” 

“Okay, but I’m going to try.” 

“Okay, fine, well…” Even pulled away, tilting his head back and forth as if weighing on something before shrugging to himself and getting up off of Isak and walking towards the door to his room. “Before you try, I’m going to show you why you really don’t have to. Hopefully it will at least make you stress a little less. And, hopefully you won’t think I’m creepy.”

“Creepy?” Isak asked, sitting up straighter on the bed and watching as the boy disappeared into his own room. Isak was intrigued, pushing his hair back out of his face and momentarily forgetting about being the possible thorn in Even’s friends’ sides. “Well, if you think it’s creepy, then I probably will, too.”

“Well, I don’t necessarily think it’s creepy,” Even said as he came back in, a stack of messy and disheveled papers in his hand that he was trying to straighten out. “Or maybe, I don’t know. I hope it isn’t. Besides, I think what other people find creepy, you find charming. About me, anyway. Like, I guess watching you while you sleep.” 

“Well, how often do you do it?”

“How often do I watch you sleep?” Even asked as he sat down with the stack of papers across from Isak on the bed. “Why? Does how frequently affect how creepy it is?” 

“Well, if you spent all night watching me sleep, still unmoving, that’d be creepy,” Isak said with a smile, knowing that, that was definitely not something Even was doing. Besides, he wasn’t actually sure Even _could_ do anything that Isak wouldn’t find charming. “I watch you sometimes too, you know.” 

“Good to know,” Even gave him a smile back, then held the ruffled pieces of paper to his chest and leaned in to give Isak a quick kiss. “But, so, anyway. What lies on these pages might be extremely creepy or maybe extremely cute. Are you sure you want to see them?”

“Well, now you’re building up all this hype,” Isak said, stretching his arms out a bit to make grabby hands at the stack Even was clutching to his chest. “So, yes, I one hundred percent want to see whatever is on those papers. Creepy or cute, I want to see.” 

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Even sighed and then released the papers, holding them out for Isak to take. As soon as they were in his hands, he could see it was some sort of children’s comic. Once he turned it around and looked at it completely, he realized it was a comic about him. “So, listen, I’ve been making these whenever inspiration has struck for like...I don’t know, four years now?”

“ _Four_ years? But, they’re about me. I’ve never seen these,” Isak said as he started to flip through the pages. In them Isak was this cute little guy with giant eyes. And, he was a superhero, fighting against evil and fighting for… “Love? No way you started this four years ago. What on earth would inspire you to write anything about me about _love_ four years ago? And, you _hate_ superheroes.” 

“Shut up, I don’t hate them, we’ve been over this. But, yeah, I mean, you spent a lot of time trying to save your parents relationship,” Even said with a little shrug, “I admired the steps you took. And, maybe I loved you then, too. Maybe I’ve always loved you and maybe it’s always been you. Maybe we don’t need to worry so much about my friends because _you’re_ my friend _and_ my boyfriend. Because you’re all I need.” 

“Even, this is the cutest, sweetest thing I’ve ever seen,” Isak said, flipping through a few more pages before looking back up at his boyfriend. “But, you push how important my friends are, like, all the time. Why would my friends be important if yours aren’t?” 

“Okay, look at this open-mindedly for a second,” Even said, scooting himself closer to Isak and looking right into his eyes. “Like, seriously, I already know what you’re going to say and don’t say it. Promise me.” 

“How can I promise you if I don’t even know what it is that I’m supposed to not say?” Isak raised a brow. 

“Just, don’t say the first thing that comes to mind, then,” Even said with an eye roll before going back into his serious gaze into Isak’s eyes. “Think about it: with, you know, with me being bipolar, sometimes you’re going to need other people. Sometimes I’m not going to be the greatest and you _need_ your friends, okay? You need them. But, you’re perfect, Isak, the only time I could imagine needing to hang out with anyone else would be if we were fighting, and I obviously don’t want to fight. Plus, all of your friends are mine, they’d hang out with me if I needed to.” 

“Even, I don’t—” 

“Ah, ah, ah,” Even said, shaking his head and quickly pressing a finger to Isak’s lips to make him stop talking. “Like I said, think about it.”

“Okay, but it’s not like you’re _unworthy_ of having your own friends just because you’re bipolar,” Isak said anyway, through the finger covering his lips. Sometimes, Even got all these theories about how things should be different for them, almost like _Isak_ was in need of some sort of handicap because of Even’s illness. Isak personally felt like this was Even being down on himself about the burden his illness put on others, Isak believed that nothing had to be different between the two of them.

“I know that, baby,” Even said, grabbing the comics from Isak and putting them to the side before moving closer to Isak, wrapping his long legs around Isak’s waist. “I’m just saying worry less about it because I have you and your friends and that can be enough for me.”

“Fine,” Isak said, though he knew he wasn’t going to let it go, he was going to give Yousef a time and a place so that they could talk. Isak didn’t mind being Even’s everything, it was actually all he ever wanted, but he wasn’t going to let Even believe he didn’t need other friends just because he was bipolar. He grabbed the papers again and held them between the two of them, needing to lean back to allot the space. “Well, anyway, I have some reading to do, because apparently, I’m a superhero. And, look how cute I am.” 

“It’s not _cute_ , it’s _cool_.” 

 

**~Monday Lunch~**

“And so, Noora and Eskild talked about the same exact thing as we did,” Eva said, shaking her head in disbelief. She was excited, her arm around Noora as they sat together on Even and Isak’s windowsill. The girls had full lunches in brown paper bags but Even and Isak were just eating skittles and bags of chips that they grabbed from home before leaving late that morning. “And he basically told her the same thing and it’s so crazy, it’s like we’re all on the same wavelength.” 

“Oh, it’s totally a gay thing,” Isak said and then raised his eyebrows and clutched at Even’s thigh as he had a realization. “Oh my God, we’re like, competing with Eskild on this gay advice thing. Like, Eva’s coming to us, Noora’s going to him. Oh my God. Noora, you have to start coming to us.” 

“And this is important because?” Even asked with a teasing smile and an eyebrow raise in Isak’s direction. 

“Because he was all about being my _Guru_ ,” Isak said, a little eye roll with the word, Eskild was ridiculous about it. But, he had been helpful, even if Isak wouldn’t admit that aloud. “like my gay advisor but now I’m like Eva’s Guru.” 

“Technically, Even gave the advice,” Eva pointed out. “So he’d be the Guru.”

“But, in this case, you came to _us_ not just him, it doesn’t matter who gave the advice, duh,” Isak said, smiling triumphantly and then turning his head to kiss Even’s jaw then nuzzle it a little bit. “I’m going to have to get together with him soon to rub it in his face. Maybe one of these days you’re at work, Ev. When was that again?”

“Tomorrow, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday,” Even said, shrugging his shoulders and looking up at the ceiling. 

“I thought you were only working three days?” Isak asked, his mind brooding over not seeing Even so often. He knew that it was going to be fine, it was just that he was accustomed to Even’s presence, he tended to miss it when he wasn’t around. “I don’t remember you saying Wednesday before.”

“They added on Wednesday last minute,” Even shrugged again and then looked back down at Isak, “They called me and needed someone to pick up the shift and God knows we need that money if we’re ever getting a place of our own.” 

“Oh yeah, you two are apartment searching,” Noora said, “I keep forgetting about that. I mean, you already live together, it doesn’t seem like a big deal but it really is, isn’t it? Or if it’s not and if you’re just trying to get away from the parents, you guys could find shared living like I did with Eskild and Linn, it’s cheaper.” 

“What if it was all four of us?” Eva asked, jumping up all excited as if this were a great idea. As if it was something that could actually happen realistically. In Isak’s eyes, though it would absolutely never happen. He needed Even literally all to himself. At least some times.“That would be sooo awesome.”

“No,” Isak said, maybe a little too quickly. Everyone looked at him like he just started off the next world war, so he shrunk down into Even’s side and went on, “I mean, I love you guys and everything, but I’m really looking forward to my Even alone time in an apartment alone with nobody else. If you guys wanted to live nearby, well, you could. But, I mean, do you guys even want to move out together?”

“Nei, nei,” Noora said with a little shrug and an apologetic look at Eva, “Not that I don’t want to live with you, but we already practically do live together with your mom being gone all the time and me living at the Kollectiv. So, I mean, I don’t know. Let’s at least wait until the end of the school year so that we won’t be stressing about school and looking for an apartment at the same time.” 

“Noora, you are ever-so reasonable,” Even said a little sarcastically with a little laugh in his voice, “Isak and I just don’t have the patience to keep waiting to be alone. We’re ready to let loose. Get our sexy on.”

“Yeah, Even even wants to take my clothes off right now, huh?” Isak smirked and then kissed Even on the lips once. He liked how loose he was starting to feel with talking about their sex life, less embarrassed, more proud of it. “He just can’t because we’re in public.

“I always want to take off your clothes. And there are always ways,” Even said with a little half-smirk and a wink and Isak was pretty sure that they were going to end up finding a bathroom stall to get it on in.

 

**~Monday Evening~**

Another day, another guitar lesson that Ana forced Isak and Even out of bed for. Ruining their after-dinner cuddle session. And, today was a truly forced guitar lesson of a song that was probably going to be stuck in Isak’s head for the next month because of how much he had to listen to it.

“Well, she apparently googled guitar songs for beginners or something and it was this or Alanis Morissette,” Even told Isak with a shrug. Isak just really enjoyed making fun of Even’s weirder music choices. They were never _really_ as terrible as Isak made it out to be, but still, they were pretty bad in his opinion. So, when Even started teaching Ana _Chasing Cars_ by Snow Patrol, Isak decided to take his opportunity to poke a little fun at the two’s enjoyment of this specifically popular song that was going to be haunting him. 

“Alanis Morissette? Who is that? That whiny chick who sings _A Thousand Miles?”_ Isak asked, looking up from his laptop where he was sitting at the couch. Doing homework, as usual when the two of them were doing their guitar lessons. Ana was getting a lot better, and apparently she’d been working on the song in her spare time, too, so she was getting pretty good at it, there were just a few tricks for getting from chord to chord that Even had to help her with. Now that she almost had it down perfectly, she wanted to give a performance of the song to their parents. 

“That’s Vanessa Carlton, but, yes, still a whiny _chick_ ,” Even said with a laugh and then nudged Ana where they sat on the floor, who was angry that they were making fun of her song choices. Isak liked making fun of her guitar choices too. And so did Even. “I couldn’t get her to do anything _cooler_ , unfortunately.” 

“Okay, but you guys have _terrible_ music taste,” Ana said, shaking her head at the two of them. “So you have no place to judge me. This is a good song so shut up and enjoy.” 

“Wow, Someone’s being bossy,” Isak said with a little snicker, tuning himself back into his computer screen and his stupid Norwegian assignment. “I’ll just leave you to it, then.”

“But you have to stay for the performance,” Ana told him, the words coming out with a finality to them, telling Isak that she certainly wasn’t done being bossy. “You’re out here, like, every time we practice. So, it’s important that you stay.” 

“‘Cause I’m a good luck charm, aren’t I?” Isak teased, smirking over his laptop back at Ana. He felt like teasing her, he even thought that maybe he should pretend to leave and make her beg, but his laziness spared her. “That’s so cute, Ev. I’m both of your good luck charms.” 

“Oh shut up, you are not a good luck charm,” Ana said, looking at Even for confirmation, but his smirk told her that he wasn’t agreeing. “Fine, whatever, maybe you’re Even’s. But not mine.” 

“So you don’t mind if I go?” 

“No! Stay!” Ana said, almost shouting, “Isak, if you do not stay, I will hit you.” 

“Careful, Isak, I think she means it,” Even said with a laugh, giving Ana another nudge. She seemed so serious, but Even and Isak started a little giggle fit over the idea of Ana hitting Isak and that being a good threat. “She’s real tough, you know.” 

“Stop making fun of me,” Ana groaned and then pushed Even’s shoulder. 

“Hey, don’t touch me or I’ll tell mom and dad that you’ve got a violent streak,” Even warned, Isak being able to tell that the seriousness was coated in sarcasm, but he wasn’t sure Ana would understand. “And then they’ll have you all tested and shit to figure out if you’re actually some sort of serial killer.”

“Even, stop being dramatic,” Ana groaned and then got up. “Let’s just play the song for Mom and Dad and get this over with. You guys are bugging me.”

*  
“It’s nights like this that I’ll actually miss living here,” Even told Isak. They made their way back into Even’s room later that night than usual. They’d actually been spending time with Even’s family, having a good time, joking and laughing. But now they were alone and Even could see Isak had hungry eyes, but Even just wanted the moment to think about the night, screenshot it into his memory somehow. “Teasing Ana with you, and my parents are actually getting along and being tolerable and not treating me like I’m going to explode…”

“We can still visit and have nights with the family, baby,” Isak told him, pulling himself closer to Even and kissing a few spots on his neck. He was basically draped over Even’s side now, leg slipping between Even’s legs and his hand sliding down Even’s chest and he spoke a little lower. “And then after we’ll be able to go to a place where we know we’ll be alone.” 

“And, what about spending time with my family is turning you on so much?” 

“Hmmm?” Isak asked, pressing another kiss to his neck before pulling away, looking at Even now. “It’s not your _family_. It’s you. It’s how you are with them and with Ana...when it’s good like this, anyway. I like that you’re a family man. It make me excited for our possible future children. Plus, you were sing-asking me to _lie with you and just forget the world,_ I mean, come on.”

“But, talking about my family and our future children isn’t exactly forgetting the world, is it?” Even said, not being able to help the smile that came to his lips. Isak may not have liked the song, but he was listening to Even sing to it—badly, too probably. And, he took in those words enough to get turned on by them. Even loved it. He loved Isak’s reactions to him more than his brain could even comprehend. “So why don’t we just focus on you and me.” 

“That’s all I want, baby,” Isak barely mumbled as he kissed into Even’s neck more. The kisses were slow and intimate with just enough pressure, delivering warm goodness up to Even’s cheeks as he did. Even tilted back his head and closed his eyes, just enjoying that goodness Isak’s lips were already supplying to his skin. He was immediately into it, immediately relaxed and turned on at the same time. He reached one hand up and weaved his fingers in Isak’s hair and moved a gentle hand to Isak’s thigh before sliding it up to his ass with a light squeeze. 

“You have such a nice ass, baby,” Even said before squeezing it again. Isak let out the lightest little moan against Even’s jaw and then pulled back and took off his own shirt before reaching down and trying to pull up on Even’s. Even helped, sitting up and pushing it up as much as he could before the two of them managed to get it off. Once they were both shirtless, Isak moved to straddle Even’s thighs, undoing his jeans and kissing slowly down Even’s chest as he did. The warm tingling spread from the center of each kiss around Even’s body, making his dick harden with each new press of his lips. 

“My ass is all yours.” 

Isak pulled down Even’s pants and boxers just enough to free his dick. He leaned down and kissed around his hips and then down to his dick and up to the tip before taking him inside his mouth. Even couldn’t help but let out little moans as Isak started blowing him. It was more of the slow and intimate stuff, Isak sinking down slowly and allowing Even to slide down his throat as he moved all the way down. His mouth covering his dick in a pleasure of wet warmth, inside Isak’s tongue pressing in just the right places. 

“More, baby,” Even gasped, reaching down and grabbing the back of Isak’s head and guiding him just a little bit faster on his dick. Isak obliged, following Even’s new speed and allowing the boy to feel more and more pleasure by the second. Making Even want more and more from him. “Fuck, yes baby… ugh, fuck, I-I want your ass.” 

“Take it,” Isak said, slow and seductive after a few long and agonizing dips down Even’s dick, his breath still hot on his tip as he spoke. Then, he pulled away completely then and started undoing his own jeans, getting everything off. Even worked on squirming down the rest of his own, and once they were down to his ankles , he kicked them off then jumped up at Isak, wrapping his arms around him and tackling him down into the bed. Isak laughed a little and reached up, cupping a hand on Even’s cheek, “So eager, I like it.”

“Obviously, I mean, look at you,” Even almost growled the words, he was turned on in the fiercest of ways, his brain telling him he needed Isak. He needed him fast. Isak had his body buzzing, pleading, and craving for more. There was still so much to do before they could get there, before he could be satisfied, so of course he was eager. So eager for the good feeling, so eager to be inside Isak, vibing and getting the pleasure they were so desperately searching for from each other. “Look at that ass.” 

Even grabbed at Isak’s ass and then leaned over to get the lube before settling between Isak’s legs, spreading them wide and dragging his hands up Isak’s inner thighs. Isak moaned immediately as his fingertips grazed the sensitive skin and worked their way up to spread his cheeks so Even could dip down and start licking at his hole. Even took his time, listening to Isak moan and groan while he licked and teased, and prodded at Isak’s hole that was always beautifully tight and yet somehow so willing to take Even’s advances. 

Even opened him up, one slow-but-eager, lubed up finger at a time. Once he was three fingers deep, pressing in and out of Isak, he leaned down, pressing his hard-on to the inside of Isak’s thigh and kissing up his neck to his ear. The boy was moaning blissfully, squirming into all of Even’s touches, pressing down onto each pump of Even’s fingers.

“I want you so bad, Isak,” Even whispered lowly into Isak’s ear, grinding harder and harder against his leg to get some relief to his now-throbbing dick. He was in need of the boy, so bad. He probably could have opened him up faster, but he was enjoying the slow, teasing intimacy of everything else and he wasn’t ready to give up on it so he let himself suffer as Isak was prepped for him. “Are you ready for me, baby?” 

“So-ooh ready,” Isak groaned and pressed further down onto Even’s fingers just to prove his point. Even gave them one last little wiggle, grazing Isak’s weak spot and then pulling them out. He didn’t take his time with slathering lube over his dick and positioning himself to enter the boy. He lied on top of the boy, grinding their lowers together for a few more agonizing moments. Pressed all against Isak, he pushed himself inside the boy, his hole stretching and welcoming his length slowly and and happily. “Fuuuck, baby, so good.” 

“God, fuck, I love you,” Even groaned and then buried his head in Isak’s neck, pressing kisses to it as he slowly grinded his hips into the boy. Their sweaty bodies slid together, torsos gliding with each little rock of Even’s hips. His entire body wanted Isak’s skin on it. Every single molecule of him was craving Isak, craving the good feeling that his body brought with it. Isak was gripping onto Even’s shoulder blades, breathing heavy in his ear while his fingernails dug into Even’s back in the most riveting way. 

“L-love you too,” Isak moaned out as one of Even’s thrusts struck particularly hard. It fueled him, making him deliver a few more hard thrusts, making sure to hit the same spot every time. “F-faster, mm’please.”

Even obliged, of course. His entire body was buzzing with Isak, Isak, Isak and he was going to make sure the boy got everything he needed. He was always going to make sure he got everything he needed. Whether it was an orgasm or something more life-defining, Even was going to do it. So, he sped up his hips, his bones crashing harder and more frequently against Isak’s. Their angles made their hip bones align perfectly, and it was going to cause bruising, Even could feel it. But, it felt so good, each crash delivering so much pleasure paired with just the little pain, it made Even’s system quake and burn with a perfect feeling. 

The Isak feeling. 

Emotionally, loving Isak was a perfect feeling. Mentally, holding Isak was a perfect feeling. Physically, fucking Isak was a perfect feeling. And, that was why sometimes, he made the both of them hold on, made the both of them feel the perfect feeling for longer. Hopefully he could somehow keep Isak forever and always feel these perfect feelings. Maybe he wouldn’t, but right then he could have them hold on. He could slow down, stop, tell Isak not come. Just. Hold. 

And, he did, pausing himself inside of Isak and leaving silent kisses down his shoulders and chest. When the boy squirmed and pleaded for more, Even told him, that of course he would go on, but Isak just needed to hold on. And, they went on like that, moving hips slow and steady, just enough to keep the good feelings rolling without sending them over the edge, sometimes building each other up to the edge just to stop them and bring them back down. They pulled on each other’s hair, gripped at each others hips and asses, scratched down each other’s backs and sides until they were complete puddles of their former selves. 

“Ev-eeen,” Isak almost squealed as the two of them started building up against, back from the beginning. They were running thin and if they didn’t speed it up, they were going to pass out before they actually came. “I-I..can’t take it anymore. Gotta come.”

“Okay, it’s okay, baby,” Even breathed, a bit of worry splashing through him that maybe he’d pushed Isak too far. So, he made sure to make him come quick, sitting up and palming him as he moved his hips faster again, feeling the final moments of the perfect feeling as he started to build up for real. The feeling built up with so much force, so much of that perfect feeling soaring through the two of them that the climax was somehow unbearably amazing. They came at just about the same time moments later and Even crashed to the side of the boy and looked at him from his pillow. “Sorry...I… are you okay?”

“More than okay. Tired though,” Isak sighed, flipping himself over on his stomach, smearing the cum on his chest into the sheets. “I love when we do that. Honestly. It’s tiring but it’s so fucking good. I come so much.” 

“It’s called edging, you know,” Even told him with a little smirk, “and it’s actually kind of kinky. I come a lot too.” 

“I could tell,” Isak squirmed a little, making a bit of a face, “I can still tell.”

“We’ll have to wash the sheets again, soon,” Even said with a small little laugh. Isak could feel his come inside him, feel the amount, feel it drip and smear down his legs. Even felt like he was orgasming again at the thought. He opened up his arms for the boy, “I love when we do that, too. I like it more when we cuddle afterwards.”

“Me too,” the boy said before squirming into his arms where he would reside comfortably for the night.  
*

**~Tuesday Morning~**

Isak didn’t want to get up out of bed. Which, really wasn’t unusual, but today he _really_ didn’t want to get out of bed. Because. When he got out of bed today, he was committing to classes without Even and then Even would be going to work before even meeting with the gang after school and he would still have to be without him. He didn’t like it, he didn’t want it. But, they needed it. Somehow, he’d find a way to deal with missing his boyfriend. But, he hadn’t quite found the magic activities, words, thoughts to cope with the lack of Even’s presence. He’d probably be pretty pathetic about it until he got used to it. But, he would get used to it. You know, eventually.

So, when his alarm started going off, all he did was clutch Even closer and refuse to let him go. Even squirmed, managing to move around enough to grab Isak’s phone and stop the wretched sound, which Isak could have done, but not at the risk of letting go of Even. 

“Isaaaak…”

“I know, I know,” Isak grumbled with his mouth against Even’s bare chest, keeping himself close, never loosening his grip on the boys sides. “Just don’t want to let you go.” 

“You’re cute,” Even said with a little laugh, bright and cheery already. He kissed the top of Isak’s head and then squirmed himself in Isak’s arms to sit up on his elbow. “But, it’s all going to be okay, it’s going to be a good day, I’m going to be making money, it’ll be beautiful.” 

“Can I hang out at KB and do my homework while you work?”

“Sure, baby,” Even said and then grabbed onto Isak’s sides, pulling him up to sit up straight now. Isak found his way into Even’s lap, his legs dangling over the side of the bed as he wrapped his arms around the boy. “You just probably shouldn’t every day. Because you’ll be spending money on coffee and distracting me, and it’s just not going to help our cause. And because it’s probably not the healthiest thing.” 

“Okay, but what if I bring someone with me to hang out with? Then, that’s just having friends,” Isak told him with a little shrug. “That’s not unhealthy.” 

“It still wouldn’t help our cause, though,” Even said with a laugh and then a quick kiss to Isak’s lips, which had enough energy in it to make sure Isak was a hundred percent awake now. “Besides, what are you going to do, bring Eskild today, Sana tomorrow…”

“Noora and Eva the next day…”

“You’re ridiculous and I love you,” Even said with another laugh and another, longer kiss. Isak melted into it this time, their smiles and Even’s little chuckles making it a little broken, but still a beautiful kiss. It didn’t make Isak want to let go any less, either. He wasn’t actually planning on staying at KB every single day until Even was done at work, but he didn’t mind the thought, either.

“I love you too,” Isak said as they pulled back, pressing their foreheads together and looking at each other in the eyes. Isak hummed for a moment as he thought about Even having a job, about himself getting a job. “Do you think I’m ever going to get a call back so I can work too?” 

“Of course you will, Is,” Even said and shrugged a little, “Don’t worry about it too much. I’d rather you focused on school, anyway. We can figure it out on my paycheck.” 

“Even, we really can’t, I’ve done the math,” Isak sighed a little. He was pretty sure he could balance school and a job, anyway. He ran his fingers through Even’s hands a couple of times, a thoughtful and relaxing motion as he thought about the stress of money and their plans. “I’m going to apply for more. Eventually, someone’s gotta call me back.”

“Alright, Isak, fine,” Even sighed a little too before moving to kiss Isak’s forehead. “But, seriously, don’t worry about it too much. You worry enough. Things are going to work out for us. I have faith in that. It’s going to happen for us, Isak. Everything. So breathe and don’t worry.” 

 

**~Tuesday Afternoon~**

Isak met Even after his very last class of the day and walked him to the bus stop, saying goodbye to him until the very last second he had to get on the bus to get home, change, then head to KB. Isak was being dramatic, he knew, especially because he made plans with Eskild to go there at least for a little while during Even’s shift. But, Isak kind of just loved making a fuss over Even, showering him with affection and letting him know he was loved at every moment Isak could possibly give him.

But, now, Isak was sitting alone at the table where he’d meet his friends when they arrived. He let himself get immersed in his phone, scrolling through instagram, saving some more memes for his own collection and liking his friends’ photos. 

“Isak, you look so lonely,” Eskild said, suddenly walking up to the table. Eskild was the last person Isak was expecting to see. They were supposed to meet at KB at 16:30-ish, but he didn’t know Eskild planned on coming here. “The boyfriend already left for work?” 

“Yeah? What are you doing here?” Isak asked, turning fully in the seat to look at Eskild now, who sat on the table top instead of the actual bench itself. 

“Oh, relax, I’m not here to pick up little boys or something,” Eskild said, waving his hand. “I’ve got someone. Or some few? Anyhow, Vilde invited me. She said that we’re planning something special. But she wouldn’t give me any details and you know I can’t handle a surprise. So, I’m here. Early, I guess...so, I take it that you don’t know about it either, then?”

“Nope, I thought it was just going to be normal shit,” Isak said with a shrug, “She makes us all convene here every Tuesday to plan for weekend parties that I don’t even think half of us attend regularly. Or, maybe it’s just me and Even. But, yeah, no idea what her something special is.”

“Vilde would be a kick-ass lesbian.” 

“From the stories that Magnus tells at lunch, I really don’t think she is,” Isak said with a roll of his eyes, leaning back. It wouldn’t be terrible if Vilde were gay, hell, if there entire friend group was gay, it’d be awesome. But, Isak still couldn’t get over the idea that Eskild wanted _everyone_ to be gay. “Disturbingly straight, actually.” 

“My bet is she has at least three girl-on-girl hook ups in her life, but then ends up with a guy,” Eskild said with a shrug. “Magnus or whoever, I swear. At least three full on lesbian-esque hook ups, too. Not just kissing on the lips but the _lips_ too.” 

“Okay, ew,” Isak made a face and then shook his head, looking around. It felt like everyone was coming late, that maybe he missed something or this special thing had something to do with Isak and he fucking did not want that. But, he caught Jonas and Mahdi walking out of a crowd towards them. 

“Ew?” Eskild laughed, “Can you not even talk about a girl’s vagina? Isak, that’s so cute and incredibly gay of you. I love it.” 

“Did I just hear the word _vagina_ come out of your mouth?” Jonas asked as he and Mahdi got to the table. “While you were talking to _him_? Isak hates that word.” 

“An unlikely but also highly likely conversation for gays,” Eskild said with a little shrug. “Do either of you know what the special thing is thatVilde needed me here for? Like, she even asked me to bring Linn. I couldn’t get Linn to come, but she’s here in spirit, of course.” 

Neither of the boys knew, and as the rest of their friends filtered in, they found that no one knew. Probably just the two that were missing, Magnus and Vilde. Isak hoped it wasn’t some loud and obnoxious thing or really anything that wasn’t like, some sort of invite to a party versus needing to supply drugs to an entire party. When Magnus and Vilde showed up, Isak seemed to find that their presentation was somewhere in the middle. 

Magnus was carrying a cardboard box, covered in green and red construction paper and sparkles, lots and lots of sparkles. Vilde was wearing a Santa Claus hat and was smiling bright as the two approached the table, setting down the cardboard box. It looked as though there was just scraps of paper in it. 

“No Linn? And where’s Even?” Vilde asked, her smiled suddenly faltering. 

“Even’s at work and I’m here on Linn’s behalf. Isak and I will relay whatever it is that you need.” Eskild said, stretching a dramatic arm around Isak’s shoulders. 

“Fine,” Vilde said, and went back to smiling, forcing it at first, “So, then...what this is, is secret santa! And so, Eskild and Isak, you’ll have to pick twice, once for you, once for Even and Linn. Separately, not at the same time. In the box, there are cards. They are invites to the christmas party Magnus and I will be throwing, and on the inside will be the name of who you’re getting a gift for and then when you wrap the gift, attach the card.” 

“Well, that’s definitely not as bad as I was suspecting,” Isak said with a smile. “So, everyone here plus Even and Linn and that’s it?” 

“Yes, Isak,” Vilde said and gave him a knowing look, “Of course, we did think of inviting at least just Yousef. But, we just thought it was rude to invite one of them and not the others. Sana, if you want to bring Yousef as your plus one, you’re totally allowed to, okay? Or, yeah, I sort of thought about talking to you about this, too. You hung out at our Christmas party last year and I thought maybe it was okay to just do this one thing?” 

“It’s fine, Vilde.” 

“Okay, perfect! So, I actually put our names in a hat to so that’s how we’ll decide who picks when,” Vilde said, smile back to being plastered on her face as she pulled a beanie out of her bag and held it out for Magnus to pick the first victim. 

 

**~Tuesday Evening~**

Eskild came with Isak to KB after the group meeting, and he sat with him while he did homework and they talked on a superficial level. Things like the hotness level of Eskild’s favorite celebrities compared to the guys he actually knew and met. He apparently just wanted to meet hotter guys, because apparently all the hot ones were taken. And, Isak couldn’t disagree, because he _did_ have the hottest of them all. 

Isak gave up on his homework right around the time Even was scheduled for break, and when Even came over, he sat right in Isak’s lap. The three of them talked for the entirety of his break about the job, about how he actually enjoyed it. He was a social butterfly; dealing with the general public was a blast for him and getting to talk to all these people and get a little into their minds was probably doing wonders for his creativity, too. 

“I’m so glad you enjoy it, baby,” Isak said with a smile, kissing his cheek and wrapping his arms tighter around him. He was about to get back to work but Isak just wasn’t ready to let go yet. “I’m just a little jealous of all the people who are getting your attention.”

“Sorry, love,” Even said then smushed his nose into the side of Isak’s face, letting his lips graze the corner of Isak’s lips. “I only have eyes for you, though. I’ve been paying a lot of attention to you, actually. Just from a distance. Looks like you got your homework done.” 

“Mostly.” 

“Well, get it finished,” Even said as he got up, leaning back down and giving Isak one more kiss on the lips, “I want to have you to myself when we get home, and I want you to get good grades.” 

“What about your homework?” Isak asked, raising an eyebrow. It was a bit backwards, Even telling Isak to do his homework, because Even was always the one who needed the push to actually get it done. And, while Isak wanted Even all to himself when they got home, he also was going to want to make sure he got his homework done, too. 

“Homework? Can’t hear you,” Even said as he backed away from the two boys at the table, cupping one of his ears. “It’s just really loud in here and I have to get back to work. I’ll see you at the end of my shift. Love you.” 

“Love you too,” Isak said, rolling his eyes at Even’s little act, as if that was going to get Isak to forget that he needed to get his homework done. He sighed and turned back to Eskild, raising an eyebrow at the face he was making at him. “What?” 

“Well, it just seems like everything is back to normal?” Eskild said with a little skepticism in his voice, leaning back in his chair and arrogantly sipping his hot coffee through a straw because apparently it was better for his teeth. “I mean, after what happened at the party? How often do you forgive cheaters, Isak?” 

“What? Even wasn’t cheating. Miakel kissed him, then Even told him to go away, whatever,” Isak said, leaning back in his chair and rubbing his face a little. He’d forgotten that he never gave Eskild all the details he’d been asking for. He had no idea Eskild was going around, branding Even as a cheater and Isak as a guy who just accepts those kinds of things, “I just happened to walk in at the absolute worst time. Really, nothing happened, nothing was going to happen. Mikael was just trying to get him back. Which, obviously didn’t work.”

“That sounds like an excuse, Isak,” Eskild clicked his tongue and shook his head, leaning forward at the tale and raising his eyebrows, “How often is he giving you excuses for things? Is he ever gone when he should be there? Making up more excuses? Isak, you need to be careful.” 

“Do you not like Even?” 

“I just don’t like that he could be hurting you,” Eskild said with a shrug. “Don’t think I’m just like, taking your side or anything. Or that I think he’s a monster. He’s not, he’s a good guy. But, sometimes good guys are secretly bad guys, too. Sometimes they don’t think enough about everyone else, and just more about themselves. I’m your Guru and you’re my baby gay and I just don’t want you led astray.” 

“Even is always thinking about things from my perspective,” Isak said, his voice serious as he looked at Eskild. He wasn’t going to allow anyone to go around thinking Even was some sort of bad guy. The thought that someone might actually feel that way about him made Isak sick because he was the most amazing guy in the world. “He loves me and he doesn’t make up excuses. We’re always together and he is definitely not cheating. At all.” 

“And you’re like, a thousand and two percent sure?” Eskild asked, leaning forward and then reaching for Isak’s hand to offer some sort of comfort but Isak pulled away, not looking to hold hands and not feeling the need for comfort in general because things were _fine_. “Because, if you’re not, we can talk about it and I can help you handle them. I know you love him, I just want to make sure we’re doing what’s right for you.”

“No offense, Eskild, but you’re sounding like my parents,” Isak said, shaking his head some more and looking at him, “Or Even’s, anyway. Seriously, thanks for caring but it’s all been handled. I trust Even with like, every fiber of my being. Besides, we’re together like, all day, every day, besides school and now, work. He wouldn’t have time to cheat.”

“Cheaters always find time…”

“Eskild, seriously,” Isak said, with a sigh. “Seriously, seriously, seriously. I overreacted the other night. Even did nothing wrong, okay? He didn’t think Mikael was even into him anymore. None of us saw that coming. And, maybe I should have, maybe he should have, but we didn’t. _You_ didn’t even see that coming. _You’re_ the one who gave them the room.”

“I know, and Isak I am so sorry…”

“Honestly, Eskild if that’s what you’re worried about, then please don’t worry. If your guilt is plaguing you or whatever over what happened, don’t let it. Even and I are good and I don’t blame you for anything,” Isak told him, setting his empty cup down on the table. He kept his tone light but serious, the only weight on it being that this was the actual truth. “I’m not mad that you gave them the room. Like I said, none of us saw it coming. Now, I need to go flirt with the cute guy behind the counter. Do you want more tea?” 

“More caffeine _this_ late in the day?” Even asked incredulously and then nodded his face telling Isak he was officially dropping the subject. No more crap about Even being a bad guy. “Isak, you’re trying to kill me but yes, please.” 

 

**~Wednesday Morning~**

Isak knew that when Even’s alarm went off, they were supposed to get up and shower. But, when the ringing was resounding in his ears, all he could do was roll over and pull his pillow over his face. Even had made him agree the night before that this would be the plan, but now that the morning was actually upon him, all he really wanted was to stay in his warm bed and sleep for about twelve to twenty-four more hours. He knew he had to shower, his body getting covered in come for two nights in a row now without any real cleaning, but he didn’t want to move. He held the pillow there over his head and felt as Even moved to dismiss the alarm. After the ringing stopped, everything in the room was still for a moment or two. 

“Isak, come on, I know you think you can get away with not showering because you’ll wear a hat, but you’re going to start to smell,” Even said, muffled through the pillow over Isak’s ears. He felt as the boy slid the blankets further down off Isak, making cold air hit his exposed skin before it was replaced with Even’s own hand, gently running down his back. Isak could moan—his skin was so sensitive and tingly when he just woke up and Even’s hand was moving dangerously low. He squirmed to try to get away from the touch that was further waking him up when Even reached his ass, ran a steady hand over it and then suddenly slapped it twice rapidly, once on each of his cheeks. 

“Hey!” Isak jumped, the light sting resounding on his bare, sensitive skin and causing a little tingle in his groin. He moved his pillow off of his face and rolled over onto his back. He groaned as he met the eyes of the older boy, smirking down at him triumphantly. “I don’t know if you’re trying to get me up or turn me on.” 

“Preferably both,” Even said with a little laugh and then ran his hand up Isak chest. “So far, I’ve got one out of two.” 

“Save it for the shower,” Isak told him, grabbing his hand off his chest and kissing a couple of his fingers individually. “In a minute. Cuddle me just a little longer.” 

“Nei, come on, let’s go,” Even said, pulling his hand away from Isak then jumping up out of bed, “If we stay in bed now, we’ll never shower. C’mon baby, I’ll carry you.”

Eventually and with a lot of effort, Even got him into the bathroom. They dared the naked walk down the hallway and hopped into the shower immediately, Isak hanging on Even. Literally, dangling from Even’s neck. He wasn’t still _that_ tired, but he liked to make a show of it anyway so Even had a reason to hold him close. The hot water rained down on them and the two of them just relaxed into it, holding onto one another for a few, long and relaxing moments. 

Isak let himself melt into Even and thought about his plans for the day. Even had work, and Isak wanted to pick him up from work and ride the bus home together, but before that, he was going to meet up with Yousef. They would talk a little about Even and their situation and hopefully everything would be good. He wanted to believe that it would be. Usually, he’d pick to meet someone at KB, but with Even working, he had to find somewhere else.

“You sleep okay, Is?” Even asked, squeezing Isak a little and breaking him out of his thoughts. 

“Yeah, yeah, sorry,” Isak said with a little laugh, shaking himself off and standing up straighter to support more of his own weight. “I was just enjoying you holding me while I thought about what I was going to do today without you while you’re at work.”

“Mm, well, you probably shouldn’t come to KB every day...although I’ll be missing you,” Even said with a little pout. He leaned forward and gave Isak a kiss on the forehead. Isak sighed and smiled at him, trying to reassure him that he understood, he couldn’t spend all of Even’s shifts at KB. That might not actually be healthy. “So, what do you think you’ll do, then? While I work today?” 

“Maybe hang out with the boys? Or I’ll just do homework,” Isak shrugged, trying to make sure he wasn’t giving away his lie. Maybe he’d hang out with the boys then Yousef, or do his homework then see Yousef or do it after he saw him. Whatever, it didn’t _have_ to be a lie. 

“Hang out with the boys, that sounds great,” Even squeezed Isak and then let him go, grabbing the shampoo and beginning to lather it through Isak’s hair. “You definitely deserve a day of just relaxing with them. Have some fun, baby. Just not at KB.” 

“You’re really pushing the _not at KB_ thing,” Isak said tilting his head down a little so Even could wash his hair with more ease. “You didn’t get in trouble or anything with me being there, did you?”

“Oh, nei,” Even said, running his hands to the back of isaks head and down to his neck before sliding them forward to take his jaw and tilt his head upward, “No one said anything, besides one of the girls. And she said that we looked like a cute couple. So, I think it’s fine. Like I said, I just don’t think you should be there _every_ day. Even though I _do_ want you there.” 

“Mmkay, don’t worry, no KB today, promise,” Isak smiled and then pushed up a little to kiss him. Even kissed back immediately, moving his hands to wrap around Isak’s waist. They kissed slowly under the water as it rinsed out Isak’s hair. The kiss reminded Isak of Even’s touch back in the bedroom, the intensity of the fire that it had sent through Isak’s nerves. The sting of the slaps on his ass that finally woke him up. How Even had said he wanted him awake and turned on. Isak was long since over his aversion of sex in the shower and it was exactly what he was going to need to get through the day and all the hours he’d be without Even. 

“Finally,” Even mumbled against his lips then pushed Isak up the wall. 

 

**~Wednesday Afternoon~**

Before lunch, Isak had texted the boys in a group chat, telling them that they might talk about hanging out after school during lunch, but that he actually couldn’t. He pleaded with them to follow along so that Even wouldn’t get suspicious, and after some bargaining, Isak was able to get them to do it without telling them what he’d actually be doing. He didn’t want to talk about it until it was over with. Lest someone try to discourage his plan, which seemed perfect to him. 

But, they played along, and now Isak planned to walk Even to work and then head off to meet Yousef. He told him to pick the place and he sent him the address earlier, he’d just punch it into his gps and figure out the best bus route from KB. It was easy, it was mapped out, it was just going to be a couple of bus rides. First home with Even, then to KB with Even, then to the diner place Yousef had given him the address of. 

So, he stood outside the building and waited for Even to walk out. It wouldn’t be too long before the next bus left, and he was sure that Even was going to need to take that one, so he probably wasn’t stopping and talking to friends so that he could make it on time. So, he’d be walking out the door any minute now. However, Isak ended up seeing Jonas first, him catching Isak’s eye then making his way over to him and clapping him on the shoulder.

“Hey buddy,” Jonas said with a smile, squeezing his shoulder, shaking it, then letting him go. “I just wanted to ask about what’s up with whatever this is you’re keeping from Even? Because, I mean, if it’s about what happened with Mikael the other night...well, I mean, are you trying to get back at Even or something? Because that’s definitely not the greatest thing to do.” 

“What? Nei,” Isak shook his head and then smiled back at Jonas, “it’s actually for Even. Basically, like in holiday spirits and whatnot, trying to make everything amazing for the season, of course.” 

“Oh yeah?” Jonas asked, raising an eyebrow and smiling small at him, “Then why can’t you tell us about it?”

“I can, I can,” Isak said with a sigh and then looked around, making sure Even wasn’t anywhere in sight. “It’s just that, after everything happened with Mikael, Even might be going back to not hanging out with his friends. He stopped hanging out with them when they broke up and now it’s probably going to happen all over again. And, I don’t want it to, it’s not fair to him. So, I’m meeting with Yousef. I just don’t want to tell Even until everything is in the clear. After I’ve talked to Yousef and arranged something.” 

“Did Even ask you to do that at some point?” Jonas asked, leaning against the wall and looking Isak in the Isak. It gave Isak a quick flashback to the night so long ago that Jonas was leaning over him against a wall at a party, trying to get him to leave Even. It seemed that they’d come so far from that point, and Isak didn’t feel any bit of worry over the déjà vu of it all. 

“Nei, but Even thinks that all he needs is me because he’s bipolar,” Isak said with a little shrug. “Or some bullshit like that and I hate it. He pushes that I have friends because he thinks that he becomes some sort of monster and that I’ll need other people. But he doesn’t think that I could be a monster too, that he’s going to need other people, too.”

“You guys think extremely highly of each other, you know,” Jonas said rolling his shoulder on the wall and then leaning against it on his back instead. “It’s actually crazy to me that Mikael was actually _trying_ to get back with Even.”

“Because you wouldn’t want to get back with me?” Isak asked quietly, kind of afraid of the question. Of course, he didn’t want Jonas to make that move, he would rather him as a friend, but he was afraid the words might mean something else to Jonas. He didn’t know. “I mean, why did you follow me home the other night?”

“I went home with you to make sure you made it there okay,” Jonas said, turning to lean against his shoulder again. He pushed Isak’s shoulder and then shrugged. “You were drunk and in a hurry and in no shape to get on the bus on your own. And, honestly no. After seeing you and Even together? I don’t think I could ever imagine even _trying_ to be with you. I definitely wouldn’t be able to even try to live up to Even. No one could. So, yeah, I still think you’re a great guy and all, like no offense there. I’m just not into it anymore.” 

“I’ll try not to be hurt by that,” Isak said with a little laugh then looked around Jonas to see if he could see Even yet. He wasn’t exactly phased by what Jonas had to say. The fact that he only had eyes for Even was clear to everyone, then, and that was probably a good place for everyone to be. Because he and Even belonged together. “Where is he though? He’s going to miss his bus.” 

“Maybe he already left and you missed him?” Jonas asked, clapping Isak on the shoulder and looking around. “Why are you waiting for him if you’re going to go meet with Yousef?” 

“I wanted to escort him to work and _then_ go see Yousef,” Isak said with a huff, pulling out his phone and deciding to text Even to see if he had actually already left. He asked him where he was and then put his phone back into his pocket, waiting for the buzz of a reply. “I literally ran out here, I don’t get how he could already be gone.” 

“I don’t know man, but you’ll see him later,” Jonas said, moving his hand to Isak’s back and starting to guide him away. Deciding for the two of them that it was pointless to wait any longer. Most of the crowd had cleared out. “We should hang out before you go see Yousef, and then you can pick Even up from work. Do you know what time his shift ends?” 

“Yeah, I guess we can do that,” Isak sighed and looked around one more time, having been looking forward to the little time he and Even were going to have together before his shift. “What do you want to do, then? We can smoke but I don’t want to get too stupid before I go see Yousef.” 

“Of course, you want to be all professional,” Jonas said with a laugh before beginning to lead him off. “We could smoke a little then grab kebabs? Do you have enough time for that?” 

“Uhh,” Isak pulled out his phone and looked at the time, just as Even sent him a text back. He read the text then replied and looked at the time, sighing to himself, “Yeah, I have time. Let’s do that, then.”

**~Ev~**

_babe, where are you?_   
_ 14:45 _

_hey, so sorry, I forgot to let you know that I left class early to make sure I had enough time to get to work. I’ll see you when I get out xx._  
 _elsker deg 14:47_

_have a good shift, elsker deg_   
_14:48_

**~Wednesday Evening~**

Jonas and Isak hung out for almost two hours, walking to get kebabs and smoking while they did then hopping on the bus together to go see Yousef. Jonas said he had nothing better to do, but he’d leave when the two of them needed to talk, he just wanted to ask how Mikael was. So, Isak let him tag along on the bus ride, the two of them slowly coming down from the little buzzes they had from what they had smoked. 

Isak had to thank Jonas, without the calm of the weed, he would have been nervous about meeting Yousef. He would have been all in his head about it being a lost cause, about how Even’s friends didn’t like Isak so much that they’d stay away from Even, too. But, as the boys sat on the bus, sprawling out and taking two seats to each of them, he felt calm, ready to talk to Yousef like an adult. 

“When you were seeing Mikael, did he talk about me ever?” Isak asked, they had been sitting quiet, lost in their thoughts and looking at their shoes, but Isak broke the silence, looking up at Jonas. “Or even about me and Even together? I mean, what does he even think of me?” 

“Believe it or not, we didn’t talk about you,” Jonas said, shaking his head and leaning back to look at Isak now. He raised both his eyebrows and tilted his head back and forth, weighing out information before giving it to Isak, “You don’t really talk about your exes with the guy you’re sleeping with, you know. Especially since most of our talking was done _after_ sex. If one of us was thinking about one of you enough to talk about it, then I don’t even think it would have gone on as long as it did.”

“Fair enough,” Isak said with a little shrug, “It’s just that I’ve known all of them for so long and I don’t know how they feel about me. I was always Even’s younger friend, and they’d make me hang out with Sana when Elias’ parents made him drag her along. But, you know, as Even’s boyfriend…”

“You want to get in with his friends, I get it,” Jonas said with a nod and a shrug. “You’re not a hard guy to be friends with, I think you might be surprised.” 

“Maybe..”

“Hey, but while we’re talking about boyfriend’s friends,” Jonas said, a sudden anxious hand sifting through his hair as he looked up at Isak and took a deep breath, “I mean..how does Even feel about me? I realize that I fucked up, but, I’m wondering if we’re over it yet.”

“If he doesn’t like you, he hasn't told me,” Isak told him after brief pause for thought. He tried to think about anything Even might have said. He knew he got jealous of Jonas. He knew that he didn’t particularly love the idea of the two of them alone together, but he didn’t hate him, Isak didn’t think. “I think he just gets jealous. I mean, I hooked up with you before I hooked up with him, and then I don’t know. I don’t think he _hates_ you. As a couple, we’ve got to work on our jealousy.” 

“Please do, because, as your friend, I would love to be friends with your boyfriend,” Jonas said with a smile, nudging Isak’s foot. 

~  
“Isak, hey,” Yousef said, standing up from the table in the quaint little diner he had invited Isak to, he waved him over and then looked past Isak at Jonas and raised an eyebrow, at the two of them approaching, “And Jonas...So, is this about Mikael then? I thought it’d be about Even”

“No, yeah, Isak is here to talk about Even,” Jonas said and shrugged, shoving his hands into his pocket and standing at the table while Isak took a seat across from where Yousef had been sitting. “I just invited myself so I could ask how Mikael is.”

“Oh, Mikael is great,” Yousef said, kind of sarcastically, “He just goes around trying to kiss other people’s boyfriends all the time, not to mention all the time he’s spending down on himself. Oh man, he’s just _great_ ” he shook his head and took a moment to himself before sighing then looking back up at Jonas, “Sorry, yeah, he’s fine. He’ll be fine. We’re working on it. So, yeah, he’s a little...down on himself right now is all. Not doing much talking or anything, really. So, yeah, I mean, thanks for that.” 

“Look, man,” Jonas said with a sigh of his own, running his fingers through his dark curls, “I told him from the start what this was. I think he’s great, amazing, good looking, nice, funny, and honestly a great time in bed. It’s just not for me. I don’t want to be tied down. Not right now. Maybe not ever. But, I seriously do care about him. So, tell him I hope things start looking up,” he knocked on the table then looked at Isak, “I’ll see you tomorrow, man.” 

“See ya,” Isak said solemnly, watching him walk out of the diner before directing his gaze to Yousef, who Isak had never seen actually present and ounce of mean but had actually had an attitude with Jonas. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, just don’t really like fuck boys,” Yousef said with a shrug and then picked up the menu in front of him, “I already got us a couple of drinks and fries for the table. That cool?”

“Yeah, sure,” Isak said, watching him for a moment, feeling out of place. Maybe Yousef was mad that Isak even brought Jonas in the first place. Maybe he’d started all of this out wrong. “Aren’t… sorry, I mean, don’t like Adam and Mutta hook up with girls all the time? Aren’t they technically fuck boys?” 

“Okay, I don’t like fuck boys who are fucking with my boys,” Yousef said, setting the menu back on the table and letting it slide off to the side. “Mikael will get over it though, we all will. But, seriously, enough about that and about Jonas. You wanted to meet me here and it’s about Even, right? And you said he’s okay so what’s up?”

“Yeah, so, actually,” Isak said, sitting up straight and clearing his throat a little bit. The nerves he had missed out on earlier started filling his gut, making him feel like he could crumble at any moment. “It’s like this: Even and Mikael broke up. A long time ago. Almost a year ago. And when that had happened, you guys stopped hanging out with Even. Even missed out on a lot of opportunities he could have had with you guys because you picked Mikael.”

“Okay, well I’m going to have to stop you right there, Isak,” Yousef said, putting up his head and then letting a moment of quiet sit between the boys. “We stopped hanging out with Even because he stopped hanging out with us. We messaged him; we reached out any way we could. He told me and Elias that he was doing it for Mikael, letting him get over him and we weren’t going to argue with him about it. Everyone might think that Even would be the more emotional one or whatever because he’s bipolar, but Mikael was a wreck and I think Even knew that. So, he stayed away. And that’s not on us.” 

“Oh, uh,” Isak stopped, looking down at the table and then back up at Yousef with his mouth agape. He wasn’t sure what to think about that. He and Even hadn’t really talked about it much, but when they did, he never would have thought that the distance was Even’s idea. “Well, uh, what about this time? I mean, Mikael kissed, Even. Not the other way around. He shouldn’t have to be shunned by his friends because, you know, he’s with me and can’t be with Mikael.” 

“None of us want to shun Even, not even Mikael himself,” Yousef said shaking his head and leaning forward. “Even doesn’t think we’re _shunning_ him, does he?” 

“No, or well, I don’t think so,” Isak said, much less-than-definitively. Even hadn’t seemed like he was as worried about it as Isak. Maybe he’d be more worried if he thought that. “I was just thinking...Well, so, I mean, Even’s with me now and we’re both so damn happy. And, now with what happened, I was thinking that maybe, because he was with me, he’d lose you guys. Because you guys like Mikael, you’re partial to Mikael, and I’m just annoying little Isak. He and I don’t have to be a package. Not when it comes to your friendship.” 

“Isak, are you serious right now?”

“Of course, I am,” Isak said, running his hand through his hair and shaking his leg in a nervous twitch. “You guys can hang out without me around. Be dudes or whatever...even with Mikael—though every fiber of my being wants to keep the two of them apart. Anyway, just like, don’t give up on Even. Maybe even if he tries to push, you can try harder not to let him go.”

“We weren’t planning on giving up on him, ever,” Yousef told him, sprawling his fingertips out over the table’s surface and looking at Isak with his eyebrows raised. “You do know that we like you, right? There may have been a time when things were different, but you’re a cool dude, way more mature, and so much more...authentic now. Plus, you make Even happier than I’ve ever seen him. That means happier than Mikael made him. And that’s great, what’s better than happiness?” 

“Well, there’s happiness and the happiness Even brings,” Isak said with a little laugh to himself, happy with Yousef’s words, a much different happy than the one Even consumed him with. But it definitely made him feel light enough to smile and just say what came to mind. “And there’s nothing better than that...Sorry. That was really gay.” 

“No need to apologize,” Yousef said and reached across the table, cupping Isak’s shoulder, “I don’t judge love or happiness. But seriously, Isak. We’ll hang out with you. We actually just kind of figured you didn’t like us. You’d rather hang with Sana…” 

“Well, Sana is my friend,” Isak said with shrug, looking at Yousef and suddenly linking the two of them together for real. “And, I would say something threatening about if you hurt her, but I’m sure you’ve heard it from Elias. Plus, I think if anyone would be hurting anyone, she’d be the one literally tearing you to pieces. That’s probably enough warning.”

“Oh, trust me, I know what I’m getting myself into with her,” Yousef said with one of the most genuine smiles Isak had ever seen then leaned back in his seat. “So, then is it true? You’d rather hang out with Sana? Because, if that’s true, then fine, we can hang out with Even alone, we’re not going to be excluding him. I was just giving you the chance to be invited too.” 

“No, no, let’s all hang out, I want to hang out.” 

“Cool,” Yousef said with a nod, “Because, actually, Mikael’s little sister has a recital Friday night and he won’t be around maybe not Adam either because he might go with him. What do you say?” 

“Yeah, we’d love to come,” Isak said with a smile, feeling triumphant in the fact that he was actually making the plans. Maybe he had underestimated Even’s friends and how much they cared about him, but at least he was making sure that Even kept his connection with them. “Just us? Should I invite my boys.” 

“Well, I couldn’t promise that Elias wouldn’t want to spar with Jonas,” Yousef said, making a face as he reached across the table for a salt shaker, starting to slide it across the table, from one hand to his other. “But, maybe it’d be a good to try to make peace with everything. Fuck it, yeah, invite them, why not?” 

“Sounds like a party.” 

 

Isak and Yousef talked and ate the fries, talking about Isak’s relationship with Even and Yousef’s budding relationship with Sana. It was weird, Isak had never spent that much time with one of Even’s friends without him. He would have never even guessed that he’d have enough to talk about. But, somehow he did. He couldn’t help but think that maybe Even was the reason for that. Before their relationship, he had felt awkward around the boys, but Even had given him the courage to believe that he could be one of them when Isak began to realize that Even could see him as a lover. 

When they were done, Yousef offered Isak a ride home in his car, but Isak wanted to pick Even up from KB, so he asked him to drive him there. And, he did, driving up to KB and pulling over to the side. 

“Glad we talked today,” Yousef said as they came to a complete stop, “want me to stay here and drive both of you home?” 

“Uhhh,” Isak thought for a moment. He was going to tell Even shortly what he had done while he was at work. He’d let him know about the chat with Yousef and he’d tell him about their plans for the outing this weekend. But, he didn’t want Even jumping to conclusions before he could get him alone to talk with him. If Yousef drove the both of them home, it was going to give him some sort of ideas and Isak had no idea what direction those ideas would be in. “Well, maybe. One sec.” 

Isak got out of the car and headed inside KB, looking around for the familiar, pretty face, the piercing blue eyes, the towering height ravaged with blonde hair. But, he didn’t see him, so Isak walked up to the counter, there was a girl working there with brown hair and Isak couldn’t help but wonder if she was the one who said they were a cute couple. 

“Hey, I’m looking for Even, is he in the back?” Isak asked as he approached the counter, leaning on it and looking around to see if he could spot him. 

“Even?” The girl said, Isak looked at her name tag, it read ‘Amlie.’ And Amlie looked a little confused, looking around a couple of times as if she were being caught in a lie. “He wasn’t scheduled for today.” 

“No, he wasn’t, but uh…” Isak stopped and looked at her, suddenly realizing that Even wasn’t there. Sure, he wasn’t on the schedule, he said he picked up the shift but, maybe he never actually did. “Wait, so he didn’t come in today at all? Where is he?” 

“Oh, well, I don’t know,” Amlie shrugged and then looked around Isak, “Are you going to want to order something?” 

“No,” Isak said, pushing off the counter and walking back out to Yousef’s car. His mind was racing. Even hadn’t worked today. Even had _lied_ about work today. Eskild’s words started buzzing in his head. About the lies, about cheaters. But, it couldn’t be true, could it? Even had to have a better reason for lying. But, Isak’s stomach was in knots anyway. He wasn’t sure what to do as he got into the car. 

“Dude, you look like you saw a ghost,” Yousef said, looking at him and then looking around him, “Where’s Even?” 

“Uh,” Isak swallowed hard, trying to hold back the mess of emotions his thoughts were bringing. He looked out the window, “He’s already at home. I’m sorry for making you take me here. I should have checked with him first. Could you bring me there?” 

“Sure, of course,” Yousef said, wasting know time putting the car into drive and starting to drive them to their destination. Isak thought of calling Even. Thought of texting him. But, he thought that he’d rather go home, see if he was there first, wonder where he’d be if he were somewhere else. So, he stayed quiet and planned what his move would be when he got home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more chapter left (plus the epilogue) wow time flieesss. Just a few things to be done and endings to be had and fluff and everything ever and okay what was i saying? uh comment/kudo thank you love you


	22. Still Learning to Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is. chapter 22 . the final chapter. a lovely installment and hopefully the epilogue will go up soon too but we'll see.   
> enjoy and thank you for sticking around until the end.

**~Thursday Morning~**  
*  
When Isak got home the night before, Even had been giving Ana a guitar lesson. She was learning another new song, and Even was actually proud of her for how far she’d come in such a short period of time. She still struggled a lot, and not every chord struck one hundred percent right, but it was still impressive. He was surprised to feel the pride that he felt when she got something right. He hadn’t ever wanted to share the guitar with her, but these lessons had really given him a sort of sense of accomplishment that he would never want to take back. He supposed sharing with her wasn’t so bad, after all.

So, he was happy with it. He wasn’t so happy with the fact that Isak had come home, gone straight to his room and spent the entire night there.

Isak and Even didn’t talk much at all that night, Even barely even got in a kiss when he got home. But, Isak said he had a lot of homework to do and didn’t want to be distracted. He seemed stressed so Even let him be and came back into the room when it was about time for them to go to bed. Except when he returned to Isak’s room, Isak was already in bed, either sleeping or pretending to sleep with not much of a response when Even crawled into bed and cuddled up into to him. 

Then, all throughout the night, Isak tossed and turned. Even wasn’t very tired himself, so he slept lightly, waking up with every movement Isak had made, wondering whether or not he should ask him what was up or just let him continue to try to sleep. Because, something was up. Something had to be up. The stress, the silence, the not sleeping were all signs of that. But, Even let most of the night pass before he decided to make a leap to say something. It was around five that morning when he felt Isak tossing again, a little groan escaping the boys lips. Even gently let him go, checked the time and then sat up, turning on the bedside lamp. 

“Baby,” He said quietly, moving to sit up against the headboard, and reaching out to press his hand to Isak’s back. His face was buried in the pillow with his hands up underneath it. “You’re not sleeping, what’s going on? It feels like something’s been up since last night. Did something happen while I was at work?” 

Isak groaned again into the pillow and squirmed around a little bit before slowly lifting his head and turning it to lay on it’s side. His eyes were closed and he made no indication that anything else—much less words for a proper response—would be coming out of his mouth. 

“Isak, what is it?” Even asked, pouting a little and running a hand through Isak’s hair. “Is it me? Did I do something wrong?” 

“I know you lied,” Isak said, the words coming out as more of a mumble as he continued to lay there with his eyes closed, motionless. As if moving even his mouth was painful for him at the time. Maybe it was. Even continued running his hand through the boys hair in some sort of hope to console that pain.

“And what did I lie about?” Even asked. He knew, though. He knew what he was keeping from Isak, he knew that he had lied about work. But, that was the only lie between them and he wasn’t sure how Isak could have found out about that, and really it was no big deal anyway. It was a lie that was _needed_ for a surprise and sometimes lying was the best way to keep surprises. 

“I went to pick you up from work last night,” Isak said, pausing for a moment and then opening his eyes and looking up at Even. “I know you didn’t work yesterday. Even though you told me you did. You lied and you were somewhere else.”

“And you’re mad.” 

“I’m not mad, I just want to know what the fuck is going on,” Isak said, pushing up on his elbows and sitting up, definitely sounding mad. “I mean… I told Eskild that I didn’t think you were cheating. That I _knew_ you weren’t. But he said cheaters find time, they lie, they say they’ll be one place and actually be somewhere else and literally this is a prime example of that. I don’t want to believe it, Even, I don’t, but after seeing you and Mikael and then talking to Eskild _and then_ you lying on top of all that. It’s there, the thought is in my mind and I can’t get it out.” 

“So Eskild thinks I’m cheating on you, then?” Even asked, raising an eyebrow. The best way to not give away his surprise was going to be to change the subject. So, he remained calm, tried not to feel hurt that Isak thought he’d be cheating on him, that Eskild thought so, too, and push his hair out of his face. Calm and cool, but definitely not cheating on Isak. 

“Nei, I told him you weren’t,” Isak said, moving a little ways away from Even and pulling his knees up to his chest. “He was just worried for me. And, maybe he should have been. Where were you, Even? Were you with Mikael?”

“I wasn’t with Mikael,” Even said, still trying to be calm, though he was feeling a painful buzzing in his chest, something telling him not to be calm. To take this to an extreme, to grab Isak and pull him close and kiss the doubt out of him, to fuck it out of him. To do anything with his action instead of his words to make this all okay again. “I’m not cheating, Isak, I’m not.” 

“So then tell me where you were,” Isak said, his voice stern as he looked at Even from his scrunched up position on the other side of the bed. He was looking into Even’s eyes, and Even could see the sad, the worry and all it did was fuel the buzzing, make him want to jump up and just take Isak. It made him antsy, so he had to stand up and shake off a little before he decided to walk over to Isak and kneel down by the edge of the bed to talk to him. 

“Baby,” Even said, reaching out and sifting his hand through Isak’s short curls. “I’m not cheating on you. I need you to trust me on that. I can’t tell you where I was, though because it’s a surprise. And, I realize that sounds like an excuse. I mean, like a thousand times over, I get that, I do. But, it’s not. I’ll be able to prove it to you on Saturday, but right now I need you to trust me.” 

“Are you sure right now is a good time for surprises?”

“Of course it is,” Even said, getting up from his kneeling position and sitting next to Isak now so he could drape an arm around him. “It’s us. It’s always a good time for a surprise. And I kind of really hate the fact that you don’t think you can trust me.” 

“You lied to me, Even,” Isak said, letting go of his legs and suddenly letting himself fall into Even’s side, which was probably a good sign. “Lies aren’t the base of trust.” 

“But they could be the base of a good surprise,” Even said, squeezing him and looking at him, their faces extremely close in their new position, he could practically feel the heat in his stare. “I shouldn’t have lied, though. I just didn’t think you’d find out, that there would be no harm done because the surprise is for you. Two days, Isak. I’m just asking for two days to keep everything secret. Can you trust me for two days and then on Saturday, if I don’t have anything, if you find out that I’m lying, you can break up with me and tear me to shreds for being a terrible person. Please, baby, I need your trust.” 

“You do realize that, by saying that I’ll trust you, that I look like some naive kid,” Isak said, looking down at their feet as they sat on the bed. Even moved his foot closer and slipped it over top of his, hopefully for more comfort in his direction. “That I could be putting myself at risk to be some victim of cheating. And, still somehow, with every fiber of my being, I still want to believe you. Isn’t that dangerous?” 

“Love and trust is all dangerous, baby,” Even said slowly as he gently rubbed his foot over Isak’s on the ground, keeping his eyes on Isak all the while, watching his brain work behind those curls.

“Fine,” Isak said after a few quiet moments, moving at Even’s side and climbing over so he could straddle his lap on the edge of the bed where they were sitting. “Because you’ve never given me any other reason not to believe you, I’ll let it go. But, this surprise better be like...the best surprise ever. Deal?”

“Oh, Isak, it’s _going_ to be the best surprise ever.”  
*

**~Thursday Lunch~**

Isak was exhausted. He was exhausted last night from his mind racing all over the place, except sleep never came. There were so many times in the middle of the night where he had thought of shaking Even awake and confronting him. But he chose against it every time, afraid of the answer because at the time, it felt like there was nothing that he could say that wouldn’t break him. He was afraid of being broken, he was afraid of the two of them becoming broken, and it felt like Even had been holding that power. 

The worst part was that he was always going to believe Even. Even if he knew for certain that Even had spent the time with Mikael, he would still want to believe him. Because he loved Even. But, with Eskild’s words in his mind, it made him feel like shit, made him feel like he could be falling into some sort of trap where Even was his puppet master, stringing him along until he didn’t need him anymore. He even had the thought that maybe the surprise was their official break up, but of course Even wouldn’t be that mean. 

Even with all of his doubts and insecurities, it still seemed that above everything else, there was love between the two of them. He felt like he could tell by Even’s eyes that he wasn’t lying because of that love. Maybe it was naive and everything Eskild had warned him about was coming true, but he just couldn’t believe it. Not when he looked into Even’s eyes. Not when he could feel Even’s warm skin on his. Definitely not with the worry and concern seeping through his voice. Between knowing that Even wasn’t a monster and feeling the love that flowed between them, believing him felt like the right thing to do. It was really the only thing to do. Innocent until proven guilty, as the case seemed to be. 

So he believed him. But he imagined he’d be on edge until Saturday. Exhausted and on edge. Because of his damn brain and its inability to stop overthinking everything. He really didn’t want to be, and he thought that maybe if the exhaustion and fear went on, Even would have to crack, he’d have to tell him.

“Seriously, he won’t tell me,” Isak groaned, leaning down and putting his head on the table, trying to make sure to be as dramatic as he could. He didn’t want to make it seem like the big deal he felt like it was earlier, but he still wanted to make his point, “It’s not faaair.” 

“Yeah, yeah, but nothing’s going on,” Even said, resting his hand on Isak’s back and rubbing it a little. Isak wondered if Even felt as on edge as he did. Was he nervous because Isak was? Or was it because Isak was suspicious of him? “And it’s going to be worth it.” 

“You know, Even,” Jonas said, seeming to be more suspicious of Even than Isak was, “You should tell one of us the surprise. That way, we can let Isak can know you’re serious about it and not lying. Do you think that would help, Isak?” 

“That’s a great idea,” Isak said, popping his head back up and then leaning over into Even. Though he assumed Even would hate Jonas’ skepticism, he preferred to go along with it. It wasn’t a bad idea at all, actually, “tell them, baby.” 

“But they’ll tell you,” Even pouted, looking at him and then looking around the boys with a groan when he realized each of them were with Isak on this one, “fine, whatever, I’ll tell _one_ of you. Isak, which one would you say is the most trustworthy?”

“That’d be Jonas,” Isak said truthfully. Magnus and Mahdi tended to have big mouths, but Jonas never seemed like the type to spread gossip. He seemed to take information and keep it to himself, stored in the back of his mind for one reason or another. It was like he’d rather observe than participate in the conversation, or maybe he was waiting for the perfect moment to use it in the conversation, Isak didn’t know. 

“What?!”

“Come on!”

Mahdi and Magnus chorused their oppositions together, Magnus throwing his hands in the air and Mahdi hitting the table in one synchronized movement. Jonas and Isak both laughed at it but Isak stopped when he saw the look on Even’s face, nervous, worried, not really very amused at all. Jonas probably wasn’t the one Even wanted to confide in, wasn’t the one he wanted Isak to trust. But, he looked perplexed, as if he was actually thinking about it, and that made Isak know he would do it. He probably wouldn’t even consider it if it was going to be a no. It would have been quick and they would have moved on. 

So, if he actually had it in him to tell Jonas—to even think about telling Jonas—then maybe he really was only hiding a surprise. 

“Yeah, okay,” Even said and stood up, nodding his head towards the door, “I, uh, bummed a cigarette off my one of my partners on this project I’ve got. So, I’ll smoke and we’ll have a quick talk. We talk best over a cigarette.”

“A cigarette?” Isak asked, looking up at him and scrunching his nose. It had been a good amount of time since Even smoked the last and Isak had known it probably wouldn’t be the end, but he kind of hoped so. He didn’t _love_ kissing him when he tasted like cigarettes—of course, he didn’t _hate_ it either. So, mostly he just hoped that he’d quit for his health, because it’d be good for him.

“Yeah, sorry,” Even said, leaning down and pecking his lips once, “You’ve got me stressed.” 

“Sorry, but you’ve got _me_ stressed,” Isak said with a sigh, grabbing onto Even’s collar and pulling him back in for another kiss. Even happily obliged, parting his lips and letting this kiss linger for longer this time. Isak may have been on edge, but kisses where they melted like this, fit together, where he could feel the smile, the happiness on Even’s lips made him feel a lot better. Isak let him go after a few moments like that, smoothing out his collar and looking up at him as he stood back up straight. “Because you’re going to taste like smoke after.” 

“Touché,” Even said with a small smile, reaching down and caressing Isak’s cheek once more before he and Jonas disappeared into the crowd and out the door. Isak sighed and looked across the table at the boys, who were still mad that he picked Jonas. 

“Jonas? You’ve known the guy for like, two minutes,” Magnus said, shaking his head at Isak and then running his fingers through his hair. He may not have been so happy with Iska’s decision, but at least he sounded more playful than upset. “Fy faen, man.” 

“I’m sorry, but you guys have big mouths,” Isak said, smiling at the two of them and giving them a shrug, “I have a feeling I would have been able to get you guys to spill it. Don’t take it too hard. You guys are still my boys.” 

“Yeah, well, if he told us, we could have told you with our _big mouths_ ,” Mahdi told him, shaking his head at him like he was sorry Isak hadn’t come to this conclusion. “And you’re supposed to be the smart one?”

“Damn, you’re totally right,” Isak said, smacking himself in the forehead and shaking his head. He would have thought of it, probably, on any normal day, but it was one of _those_ days. “Don’t judge me, I’m so tired. I didn’t sleep, like at all last night.”

“Do you seriously think Even is cheating on you?” Magnus asked, raising an eyebrow and looking at him, “I mean, this is Even. He’d literally fight the entire U.S. military for you. Like, why the hell would he hurt you when he literally doesn’t want anyone else to lay a finger on you? What would be the point in hurting you like that? It’s not like you’ve ever done anything to him.”

“Okay, maybe I don’t think he’s cheating,” Isak said placing his hands on the table and sprawling out his fingers. He sighed and looked at them for a few moments. “You’re right, it was a stupid thought. Eskild just got in my head, honestly. I guess I’m just still kind of on edge because he lied, and he doesn’t lie to me. Ever. And that makes me nervous, how easy he lied. But I love him and I trust him, it’s just, I don’t know.” 

“Cheating or not, we got your back, man,” Magnus said, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. “We should rough him up for lying or something. I think all three of us could take him.” 

“No one is touching his pretty face or a single hair on his beautiful body.” 

 

When Even and Jonas came back—the smell of Even’s cigarette in tow, the two of them were smiling. They looked like they could actually be friends. Close even, with Even’s hand on Jonas’ upper back as he led him back to the table. Isak looked at both of them with raised brows and Magnus and Mahdi stopped and watched them, too, waiting for one of them to say something. But, neither of them spoke, they just sat at the table and went back to the food they’d been snacking on. 

_“SO??”_ Magnus was the one who finally spoke, looking over at Jonas with wide eyes, “what the fuck is going on, man?” 

“Even’s story checks out,” Jonas said, looking at Isak with a small smile, and a confirmation nod. “Like, one hundred percent and I think you’re going to love it. So. No stress. Even lied for a good cause. And, I mean, just yesterday you lied for a good cause, all is fair in love and war.”

“I didn’t lie, not technically,” Isak said, putting his hands up in surrender and looking over at Even. He actually hadn’t told him about the meeting with Yousef. He didn’t tell anyone the specifics yet. He’d just been so tied up in Even lying that he forgot about it. “I just stretched the truth.” 

“You _stretched_ the truth?” Even asked, looking at Isak and leaning closer. Isak had a brief moment of panic, wondering if he’d be upset, because here Isak was, keeping things from him, and then getting mad at Even for doing the same shit. Maybe Isak was a hypocrite. But, Even was still smiling. “About what?”

“I was going to tell you last night, but,” Isak sighed and shook his head, wondering what was wrong with him, why he would get so worked up over everything. “God, I’m so sorry. I’m so stupid.” 

“Isak,” Even said, his voice gentle as he reach out and took his hand. He opened his mouth to speak then looked around the table for a moment before shaking his head and looking back at Isak. Obviously whatever he was going to stay, he’d rather say it in private. “We’ll talk about it later. Don’t stress. So, what was it that you were going to tell me?” 

“Right, well,” Isak said, trying to pick up his spirits, though his exhaustion wasn’t exactly the best of help in that area, “Yesterday, I didn’t hang out with the boys like we told you we were going to. I mean, technically, I did hang out with Jonas for a little bit, but the plan was actually to escort you to work and then go meet up with Yousef to talk. And, I did, talk to Yousef, I mean. We talked about you and your friendship and stuff.”

“Okay...why?” Even asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“You need friends, too and I just wanted to make sure everything was okay,” Isak said, moving his chair closer to Even, who was holding his hand but he had stayed at a distance, probably trying not to disturb Isak with the smell of smoke. Once he was close enough, and the smell was invading his nostrils, he didn’t even care, he just crawled into his lap, preferring to be close to him no matter what.. With Jonas’ confirmation and Even being so nice to him on top of how tired he was, he needed Even. “So, I just made sure and you and all your friends are great and we have plans with them tomorrow. All of us, actually, if you boys can make it.” 

 

**~Thursday Evening~**

“We’re not going to finish what we started before you _leave_ me?” Isak pouted as they talked. They had just got home and there was some time before Even was going to have to leave for work, but apparently, he had something to talk with his parents about. Which, unfortunately meant that the very hot, extremely steamy hook up they had had in the bathroom at school was going to remain on pause. 

“Isak, you literally came, what was there to finish?” Even said with a laugh, taking Isak’s backpack from him and setting it down. It was true, Even had gone down on him in the stall and he came, but damned if that didn’t make him want so much more. He could barely even contain himself during his last class because of it. They might as well have skipped to literally fuck with how much he actually learned. 

“I want more,” Isak, letting himself fall onto Even’s bed. “Plus, I mean, I want to make you feel good, too. In return and as an apology for not believing you.”

“Oh, that,” Even said, starting to change into his clothes for work. “Let’s just forget it. Because I get how it could look that way. With what you walked in on and then this so soon after. And also because, I think maybe it has something to do with some sort of fear of being abandoned. You’re dad left you and started a new life and I get that, that could be traumatizing. That could make you afraid I may leave. Probably more afraid of leaving you for someone, or something else.” He pulled on his shirt and then sat next to Isak, taking his chin and looking him in the eyes, “I never want to leave you, though, okay? And if you want to talk about it. If you want to somehow make me prove I won’t leave, I’ll do whatever you want me to. Maybe, uh, we start looking into the therapy thing, too….and you could talk about it?

“That means you would have to start going, too,” Isak looked back at him, taking Even’s elbow and holding onto it tight. He had felt so bad that he had thought so little of Even, that he could jump to such conclusions, and he had no idea why. But, when Even talked about his Dad, it kind of struck a chord. It almost, actually, made sense. “How do you know more about me than I do about myself?”

“Well, you’re my entire world, it’s hard not to notice things about you,” Even said and then leaned forward, nuzzling his nose against Isaks. “And you’re really making me want to stay but I really have to talk to my parents before I go.”

“Can’t you afterwards?” Isak asked, pulling himself closer and closing his eyes. He still kind of smelled like smoke. But, it was still a beautiful smell because it was Even. It worked for him. Basically everything worked for him. 

“It’s got to do with the surprise and it’s time sensitive,” Even said then brushed their lips, once, then twice. “So, I have to go and you _have_ to stay here. Don’t make me make Ana guard the door for me. Just stay here and then I’ll come say one last goodbye before I leave. Okay?”

*  
“Okay, fine Even,” Martin finally said, surprising Even and being the one of the two that made the decision. He nodded and then put a hand on Even’s shoulder. “You’ve got our support. Whatever you need, I’m sure we could figure something out.”

“Seriously?” Even looked between the two of them, not being able to help but to smile. He had never thought they’d actually consent. He just figured that he give them a chance to prove themselves. And, now, they were even up for _figuring something out_ how to help them. That was double the win he never thought he’d get. 

“I can’t say it’s my favorite thing, but it makes sense,” Josefine said, nodding too and then clasping her hands together. “There’s going to be conditions, though.”

“Funny that you think I’d suspect anything less,” Even said with a smile before hugging them both and then heading for the door. He had to go say goodbye to Isak now if he was ever going to make it to work in time. “See you guys later. Love you.”  
*

**~Thursday Evening~**

Before Even left, he gave Isak a long, lingering kiss then looked him in the eyes to tell him, “I am not cheating on you. I love you so damn much and I’ll text you.” Isak had held him and kissed him a couple times more until he started saying he was going to be late so Isak had to let him go. But, Even did keep up on his promise, texting Isak and sending him snapchats of himself doing something at work. As if to continue to ease Isak’s mind. 

****

~Ev~

****

**  
**

_I made it with a minute to spare because of you_   
_and I miss you already 17:02_

_sorry not sorry. I miss you too._   
_ 17:03 _

_I miss you too_   
_it sucks because I don’t have that much homework tonight._   
_I guess maybe I’ll invite over Noora and Eva or something_   
_ 17:06 _

_that’s a good idea, baby, do that._  
 _sorry, it’s hard to text at work._  
 _but I’m going to keep snapchatting you_ 17:11

_don’t get yourself fired._   
_I’m going to touch their boobs._   
_ 17:12 _

_you sound like a thirteen-year-old boy who’s never touched a boob before_  
 _you’ve touched boobs before, though_  
 _careful, or you might have to start rethinking the gay thing 17:21_

_yeah, right_   
_I invited them but told them to leave their boobs at home_   
_i love you, btw_   
_ 17:23 _

_let me know how that works out, and have fun xx_  
 _and i love you, too. very much. 17:36_

_can I sext you and turn you on?_   
_just until they get here_   
_ 17:36 _

_you just told me not to get fired._  
 _maybe on my break 17:37_

 

Isak cleaned up his room while he waited for Noora and Eva to get there, instead. He got them to come over to do an assignment together and hang out. And, that was going to be best done in his room with the rest of Even’s family being home. Even would probably make some sort of comment on how Isak would clean is room for them but not for him and Isak was just going to pretend like it wasn’t because Even already knew he was a slob and loved him anyway. Only because it was convenient and he knew the two of them would say something. 

When they first got there, they all did their homework and talked about their days. Isak decided not to talk about everything that happened with Even because he wanted to let it go, save it for the surprise. He wanted to be excited about the surprise, and he almost was, but he needed to let go of all the doubt he’d been feeling before he officially could. But, the three of them talked and chilled on Isak’s bed, Eva curled into Noora and Isak was resting his head on Eva’s lap. It felt nice. 

“You need to do your nails again,” Eva said, grabbing Isak’s hands and looking at the chipped black polish that was on them. Isak looked back at them too and did a mental shrug. He didn’t care. He liked chipping it off, but the last bits were stubborn and annoying him, so he could handle a new coat. “I’m going to have to get you some nail polish and nail polish remover so you can keep up with it.”

“Who says I want to keep up with it?” Isak asked, taking his hand back and setting it down at his side. “You guys can do them but I’m not taking my time to maintain them on my own. I don’t care that much.” 

“Whatever,” Eva said, looking down at him. “Even’s mom and sister probably have nail polish, want me to do them now?”

“Another time,” Isak said, avoiding her gaze and looking up at the ceiling. 

“Everything okay, Isak?” Noora asked. Isak turned his head and looked over at her. She’d been so quiet for a few moments that he almost forgot she was there. He may have been too caught up in his own thoughts. 

“Oh, yeah,” Isak nodded and thought to himself for a moment or two, before pushing up and moving to look at the two of them, “Or maybe..maybe you guys might be good to talk to about this. I mean, Eva, you’re parents aren’t around often and Noora, I don’t know a thing about your parents, but you live on your own.” 

“Yeah, they never really wanted kids,” Noora said with a little shrug, maintaining a serious gaze in Isak’s direction, “But, what’s up?”

“Even thinks I might have some sort of abandonment issues,” Isak said slowly, sighing and then looking away, “I mean, it makes sense, but I never really felt like it was a problem before. I like Even’s family, I consider them my own. I don’t know. He thinks I should talk to someone about it. How do you guys feel?”

“Well, I definitely had a problem with it,” Noora told him honestly, “before William, anyway. Of course, he proved my fears to be true, but whatever. I got over it by forgiving them. I mean, not to their faces. But, holding onto the grudges, being mad about the things they’ve done and haven’t done doesn’t help. I’m sure talking about it would help, too. I mean, it’s never a bad idea.” 

“Alright, well,” Isak shrugged a little, thinking about it. He did still have a lot of angry thoughts about his Dad, he just didn’t care to admit that often. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he took it out, another snapchat from Even. A picture of a foam heart on the top of a coffee, saying he missed him as the caption. It distracted Isak from what he was actually going to say. “Maybe I will then. I don’t know.”

“More of Even’s snapchats?” Eva asked, looking at him. 

“Yeah, he misses me,” Isak said with a little smile, pulling his phone to his chest and hugging it. “I miss him, too.” 

“You two are ridiculous,” Noora said, laughing a little. Isak was still holding the phone to his chest when it started buzzing some more. As if he were getting a call. He pulled away, wondering maybe if Even was on his break and giving him a call, but when he looked at the caller ID, it wasn’t a number he had saved or recognized in the slightest. “Is that him?”

“Nei, one sec,” He said, and then then picked up the phone, “Halla?”

“Halla, is this Isak Valtersen?” The voice on the other line, a chipper female asked. 

“This is him, who is this?” 

“This is Lisa from _Alf”s Grill_ calling back about the position you applied for,” Lisa said, sounding like she was smiling from ear to ear. “We wanted to know. Do you have any experience as a waiter?” 

“Uhh, honestly? No,” Isak said, chewing on his lip, thinking that probably ruined his chances. They were probably looking for an experienced waiter. They’d prefer someone who knew the job. And, honestly, they probably wanted someone a little less clumsy, but he wasn’t going to say anything about that. “Is that a problem?” 

“Oh, no, it’s fine, just wondering,” Lisa said, voice still upbeat, kind, “Would you like to schedule an interview? I have a timeslot for monday at 15:00 if you can be there.”

“I’ll be there,” Isak said with a smile, “Thank you so much, I’ll see you then.” He hung up the phone and dropped it looking over at the two girls. “I just got an interview for a job!” 

“Whoa, congrats!” Eva said, holding up her hand and high-fiving him, “Jesus, Isak, you’re like, all grown up. Job interviews, looking for a place to live with your boyfriend? The whole thing, it’s crazy isn’t it? In a few years, we’ll be doing our own things and high school will just be a memory.” 

“Let’s not move that fast,” Isak said with a little laugh. “Let’s just live for right now. And right now, I _have_ to text Even.” 

 

**~Friday Lunch~**

Even and Isak had a much better night after Even got home, and now that their day had been so much better, it was almost like everything had been forgotten. Of course, it wasn't forgotten. Mostly because Isak was beginning to feel excited about the surprise, he didn't want to wait another day to find out what it was. Of course, though, he’d wait. He didn't want to ruin it for Even. Especially not after he accused him of cheating. 

But, everything was good and all Isak wanted was to spend lunch alone with his man, but Vilde had called some sort of “emergency” meeting, telling everyone to meet where the boys ate lunch. So, Even wouldn't let them get out of it, there would be no way. They'd have to be _social_ for the lunch period. Not to mention, Vilde would probably hunt them down anyway. 

Even met him with open arms, taking Isak by the waist and kissing him with so much force and passion. Isak took a moment to respond to it, and just as he seemed to have a grip on it, the whole thing stopped. Even pulled away and snaked his arm around Isak's waist, pulling him to his side. 

“What do you think Vilde's emergency meeting is about?” Even asked him, starting to lead Isak back down the hallway, heading to the cafeteria where they'd meet all their friends. 

“Clothes? Makeup? Dress codes for parties or something?” Isak shrugged, only knowing the things Vilde thought about most, her looks, her social status, and boys. He couldn’t ever actually guess why she called these meetings or why they all attended, but they did, and they'd continue to. Because everyone at least _cared_ for Vilde and respected her enough to at least show up. “Your guess is as good as mine, babe.” 

“It's probably not even an emergency, why does she call it an emergency?” Even asked with a laugh, shaking his head and looking up the ceiling. He squeezed Isak's side and thought it through for a moment before going on. “I never understand her priorities. How are these things emergency status to her?” 

“Well, not everyone can prioritize like you,” Isak told him and slid his hand into Even’s back pocket. “And no one in the world prioritizes like Vilde.” 

They took their time on their walk through the hallways, stopping to grab the other by the hips and kiss him against the wall every now and again. They were officially back in their happy bubble, a surprise looming over them and their body’s craving each other after all of Isak’s doubts and fears. It made them a good few minutes late to lunch, the rest of their group already there, waiting for them. 

“ _There_ you guys are!” Vilde said, jumping up out of Magnus’ lap and escorting Isak and Even over to the table. “We’re literally always waiting on you, I swear. What took so long?” 

“That’d be my fault,” Even said as the two of them took their seats, sitting close with Even’s hand pressed to his thigh. “You try dating Isak and keeping your hands off of him. It’s damn near impossible.”

 

“Did you guys fuck in the bathroom yesterday? Some first year was talking about two guys getting it on in one of the men’s rooms on the second floor yesterday,” Magnus said, raising an eyebrow and looking at the two of them skeptically. “Could you not wait until you got home to have your make up sex or what?” 

“It was us and we might want to go for round two after this,” Even said, wrapping his arm around Isak’s shoulders and pressing a kiss into his cheek as he squeezed his side. “So, if we could get started, that’d be preferable.” 

“How do you even do that?” Noora asked scrunching her nose and sticking out her tongue. “It’s so unsanitary.”

“It’s a lot easier than you think,” Jonas said with a shrug, leaning back in his chair. “I mean, if you’re turned on enough, anywhere can be a good place to do it.”

“Alright, I didn’t call this so we can all talk about our opinions on public bathroom sex,” Vilde said, taking her rightful place at the head of the table and resting her hands on the edge. “So let’s move on from that and talk about what I invited you here for. Which, for starters, I wanted to set a limit for secret Santa gifts. I was thinking nothing over 400 kroner. Does that sound okay?”

“Okay, but like I’ve already been searching for mine a;ready and I found something perfect that would be more than that,” Chris said, looking across the table at Vilde. 

“Well, what if we did a minimum of like 350 and a maximum of 500, because we really don’t want to make anyone feel bad if they don’t get something so good, but we also don’t want anyone to go broke, you know?” Vilde said, taking a deep breath and looking around the table. “It just makes the most sense.” 

“Okay, but gifts can be from the heart, too,” Even said, raising his eyebrows, as if he had also had something in mind for his secret santa, who Isak knew was Magnus, because despite Vilde telling him not to look at Even’s, he did, anyway. “Maybe no minimum limit. I think we’re all adult enough here not to get upset over how much someone spent on them. Right, Vilde?” 

“Oh, yeah, well, I guess so,” She said and then pushed some hair behind her ear before looking around at them again. “So then maximum of 500 kroner and no minimum. Is everyone okay with that? Speak up now if you’re not.”

Everyone at the table stayed quiet, looking around and shrugging because honestly, Vilde was the one who cared about all of this the most. Of course, Isak was excited for the Christmas spirit and to spend some holiday time with his friends and especially his boyfriend, but he didn’t care about minimums or maximums for gifts. He didn’t even know what he was going to get for his secret santa gift. He had gotten Chris, though, so he figured he’d talk to Even about it He’d probably know what to get.

“Great, well, then our next order of business,” Vilde said, clapping her hands and then pressing her palms back to the table and looking around. “The boys are hanging out without us tonight. We had our party plans but, now we need to plan a girls night, opposite boys night, get it? So, what are you boys doing?”

“Does it really matter?” Isak asked, raising an eyebrow at her. She was always going to be so strange to Isak, he was pretty sure he’d never fully understand her. Like the boys hanging out without them was some sort of social injustice.

“Well, yeah, you guys will be building stronger relationships without us when we all need to be a team, especially if we’re on a bus together.” Vilde said and then looked at Mahdi, “And, we need to gather all the girls we can get. Can we invite Unni or what’s going on there?” 

“I’d rather you didn’t,” He said and shook his head, “we’re not in the best place.” 

“Great, so we’re already down another girl,” Vilde huffed and shook her head before looking around the table. “All of this would be a whole lot easier if all of you would get serious about your relationship status. Everyone needs to.” 

“Villy,” Magnus said, getting up and taking her hand to get her to stop going on. It seemed like she could break down about this, for whatever reason, “come on, it’s fine. The holidays are going to be great, the bus is going to be great, give us tonight. Just have a good night and then we’ll meet up, yeah? You can stay at my house and we can have our own, serious fun.” 

“We get enough of this with Even and Isak,” Mahdi groaned as the two of them embraced wrapping up in each other with a kiss. Mahdi reached across the table and took one of Noora’s carrots before throwing it at the two of them, hitting Magnus right on the side of his head. 

 

**~Friday Afternoon~**

“I don’t know why you want to go all the way to work with me. You can just to go home, you know,” Even told him as they walked to the bus stop together. Isak managed to catch him after school this time, heading in the direction of Even’s class and running into him in the hallway. “You must have better things to do. It’s Friday. I know we have plans tonight but there’s a lot of time between then and now.” 

“Actually, I’m meeting with Sonja at KB,” Isak said with a shrug. They had texted a bit since the last time they hung out, and he even actually thought about confronting _her_ about the Mikael situation. Maybe he didn’t hate her as much as he originally did. Sure, he still had a slice of doubt in his mind when it came to her, when it came to their situation, but it was fading. Truthfully, he kind of felt like Sonja needed it, like she needed more human interaction, and for whatever reason, he wanted to help. 

“Sonja, wow,” Even said, looking down at him, a corner of his mouth upturning. “I’m surprised you can handle that. I mean, she _is_ my ex, remember? Are you guys actually becoming friends, though? Or, what is this?” 

“She’s your ex, but she’s not like Mikael,” Isak shrugged a little and looked up at him. “And, it’s not because she’s a girl, either. She’s your ex, but I never really thought you guys had a connection that wasn’t...I mean, all you ever did was talk about...you know, sex with her and that made me jealous, but that was all. I couldn’t imagine the two of you ever going back there. Or, less than Mikael anyway.” 

“So, because she doesn’t make you jealous, you’ve decided to be friends?” Even asked as the bus pulled up, they both got on and took seats beside each other, Even wrapping his arm around Isak’s shoulders as it took off. They’d be home in four stops. 

“I think she needs more friends,” Isak said, resting a hand on Even’s thigh and leaning into him as they trudged along through the stops. “I mean, she went through that and came to _us_. And, she ultimately finally brought you to me and I don’t know. I just feel like it’s not a bad idea. I mean, we get along, she’s not a bad person. Or not as bad as I thought.” 

“Not as bad as you thought,” Even laughed and shook his head before pressing a kiss into the side of Isak’s head. “Well, that’s definitely something, then. All power to you, babe. I suppose I don’t mind having you there on my breaks and stuff. Maybe instead of sexting, we can just get it on in the break room.” 

“I already told you that we’re not risking your job,” Isak said, smiling up at him and then kissing his jaw and the side of his lips. He felt like after everything, their relationship had this rush of adrenaline, and with the surprise looming over them, they had so much tension. Even seemed to be feeling it too, because he seemed to want to fuck on every bit of free time they had. He thought they fucked a lot before, but now somehow, they seemed to find a way to do it more. They had fooled around in the bathroom at school again that day, making that twice in one week, and they’d barely even done it once before that. It wasn't like he wasn’t enjoyng it. He was. But, there were some lines to draw. “Let’s save it for when we get home.” 

“You think we have enough time before work?” Even asked, wiggling his eyebrows at Isak. 

“Maybe if you can manage your parents giving you the car for work. We’ll see.” 

 

Of course, Even did manage to get them some time before work and before Isak would meet Sonja. Isak hoped it would satiate him throughout the duration of work, because Isak couldn’t see himself not wanting Even enough to turn him down _at work_. S, he had worked extra hard to try to make sure that they’d be good for a decent amount of time. It just made it a little more difficult to actually get up and get Even to KB, let alone himself. It made it so that while he was with Sonja, he was tired and a little sore, but things still managed to go on well enough. 

“So, do you have plans for tonight?” Isak asked her, crossing his legs and sipping at his hot chocolate he ordered to try to dispel of the cold that the outside filled him up with. “Like with your friends or something?” He was prying, just a little, wanting to know badly what Sonja’s personal life consisted of to gather whether or not he should feel bad for her or not about her social life. 

“Well, tonight I have a friend coming over so we can binge Netflix,” Sonja shrugged and looked at him. “Only a year out of school and I’ve already become boring, honestly. It’ll probably pick back up after I’m done with this tragic gap year, which has probably been the worst choice I ever made. I’ve never been so bored in my life.” 

“Well, hey—” 

“Isak, hey,” Jonas said, suddenly in the room and walking up to their table. He had come out of the blue, not with anyone, just alone in the coffee shop. “Sorry to interrupt. I didn’t know you’d be here with...Sonja? It was Sonja wasn’t it?” 

“Yeah, halla, Jonas,” Sonja said, nodding her head at him and then resting her head on on her hand, elbow on the table. 

“I didn’t know you’d be here, either,” Isak said, raising an eyebrow at the boy. He knew that Jonas knew Even worked that night. Was he here for Even? Did it have something to do with the surprise? Or did he have other intentions, like a date Isak hadn’t known about. “Are you meeting someone?”

“Actually,” Jonas rocked back on his heels and then grabbed a chair from a nearby table, pulling it over and sitting on it backwards. “I was kind of hoping to catch Even on his break. I wanted to talk to him about tonight, actually. I know Mikael isn’t going to be there, but the rest of them, well I’m pretty sure they hate me.” 

“And what can Even do about that?” Isak asked, moving his chair over a little to allow Jonas more room at the tiny table that was only made for two. 

“Well, I mean, you know I don’t know how he feels about me,” Jonas said and scratched the back of his head. “I just thought I might be able to make sure he had my back, is all. So, the rest of them don’t kidnap me and give me some sort of blanket party. I mean, I could take them like, one at a time, but all of them at once might be a struggle.” 

“Are you talking about Elias?” Sonja asked, getting both of the boys attention again. They both nodded and she shrugged. “I was in school with those guys and they’re usually pretty nice. You’d have to do something really stupid for them to hate you enough to hurt you. Or, I guess all you’d have to do was hit one of them. But, I’m pretty sure all guys like that kind of violence.” 

“Not helpful,” Jonas said and then ran his hand over his head, taking off his winter hat and letting his curls flop everywhere. He was probably more stressed that Isak had ever seen him. Apparently he was really nervous about this. It was almost uncharacteristic of him, but Isak didn’t pry or as why, he just listened. “I mean, I don’t think I fucked up that much but I feel like they’re not looking at it the same way.” 

“Regardless, we’re not going to let anyone gang up on you,” Isak said, rolling his eyes and looking at him. “You have a guilty conscience, you know. Everything is going to be fine.” 

“Fine, but my blood will be on your hands if it’s not,” Jonas said, grabbing Isak’s hot chocolate and taking a sip out of it. Back to being characteristically himself. “Mind if I stay, anyway?” 

“Do you?” Isak asked, looking over at Sonja. It’d be rude to just invite one of his friends in and make her feel like some sort of outcast, so Isak would ask Jonas to leave if he had to. Even if he really didn’t mind at all whether Jonas stayed or left. They were just talking, chilling.

“Nei, stay, it’s fine,” Sonja said, “I’m trying to be more social.” 

“Seriously?” Jonas asked, looking at her with one of his most charming smiles—which probably didn’t mean he had the best of intentions, “We’ve got a party and a pre-party going on tomorrow night. You should come.” 

 

**~Friday Evening~**

The boys’ final decision for their first part of the night was laser tag. Yousef had found some good groupons and they had it all set up for two teams of four in a match against each other. It was a good idea for some actual bonding time for all of—or most, mines Adam and Mikael—them. Isak figured that, since all of them tended to end up on the same places, hanging out with the same crowds, it wasn’t a bad idea to have them all acquainted with each other, even with all the awkward—aside from Even and Isak, who were perfect—intermingling in the group. 

Of course, though, everyone seemed to agree that the key to the game was going to be making sure Even and Isak were on seperate teams. Because, apparently, when they were together, they were a singular wild card. Either amazing and unstoppable, or distracted by each other and easily beaten. Either way, it ended up kind of being an _us versus them_ thing, Isak and his boys on one team, Even and his on the other. 

Isak just had to cross his fingers that this wouldn’t lead to any sort of rivalry to begin between the two groups and that the game stayed friendly. Of course, it was fucking on and they were going down, but they would have to kick their asses in the nicest way possible. So, they played, Isak, Magnus, Mahdi, and Jonas strategizing beforehand to make sure they all covered separate quadrants. 

Isak took his quadrant and was ready to take down anyone in his path. And he did, the game was to twenty-one points and he had ended up scoring five for the team before he saw Even. And, suddenly, his competitiveness was knocked out of him. He hid, hopefully before Even’s head turned in his direction and started trying to make a plan. He wanted to find a way to get Even and _get_ Even in one go. He could get him from his hiding spot, then charge him and tackle him. Or he could… 

...look up because Even was suddenly standing over him, smirk on his face as he spun his gun to hang down his back. 

“You should have known you can’t sneak up on me,” Even said, reaching over and guiding Isak to lower his gun for him too. Isak let it fall to hang from his shoulder and let Even take his waist, leaning against the rock he’d been hiding behind. “I can tell as soon as you’re in the room. Now tell me, how is it that you look so good in any light ever? This is literally just darkness and blacklight and look at you.” 

“And the blacklight is one of many good reasons why we should not do whatever dirty thing it is you’re thinking about,” Isak said, clicking his tongue and then reaching up to wrap his arm around Even’s neck. It wasn’t that he wasn’t loving all the public sex, it was riveting, a rush not knowing if someone was going to catch you or get you caught. But, laser tag was going to be a bad place for those thoughts. Isak could deal with some heavy making out though. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ll be good,” Even said, leaning in and nuzzling his nose against Isak’s, their lips brushing ever-so-slightly. “Even if I don’t want to be.” 

Isak couldn’t help but part his lips and press them to Even’s kissing him hard and fast. It was good, it was hypnotizing. It wasn’t dangerous because of the PG-13 tonguing, but because any of their friends could stumble on them and get them, criticize their teammate for getting distracted, tell the rest of them, etcetera, etcetera. But, Isak, didn’t care, he just melted and kissed away. 

And they took a few moments of kissing before the sound of being shot echoed out of Isak’s vest. He pulled away to see who it was, because he’d really felt that Even was covering him well enough to avoid being shot. But, he wasn’t, because Even was the one holding the gun, still pointed at him. 

“Uh, okay, rude,” Isak said, looking at him and squinting his eyes. 

“Sorry, sorry, I just thought it’d be funny,” Even said and then dropped his gun again, reaching forward and caressing Isak’s cheek. “Now you shoot me and we’ll go our separate ways until the end of the game.”

“Fine,” Isak said, not second-guessing it and picking up his gun, shooting Even. six points for his team, where the hell were the rest of them on the points? “One more kiss, no more killing each other.” 

“Okay, love,” Even said and then leaned back in, kissing Isak again. This time slow and passionate, unforgiving and sensual as if it could have been a real goodbye. As if they were going off into an entirely different kind of battle. Isak just followed his lead and swallowed it all in, the intimacy, the emotion, a slight tingle in his pants. And then Even pulled away, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Isak just managed to get out before Even was pushing off and going in a separate direction. Isak had to breathe and collect himself before he could manage getting back into the game. Shaking his head and calling out to the disappearing shape of Even’s figure, “I better not catch you in this quadrant again, Bech Naesheim!” 

*  
After an amazing victory for Team Even, he decided that all of them should go and grab some food. So, they were sitting in the food court attached to the laser tag place, three tables pushed together, becoming a group of rowdy, noisey boys completely occupying the sound space. They weren’t sorry, though. They were generally having a good time. It seemed as thought Isak’s plan to make everything okay seemed to be working. Of course, the mix was missing Mikael and Adam, but it seemed like they’d be able to figure that out. 

Even felt grateful that Isak made all of this happen. He felt good that they had this big friend group, people who they could spend time with. So many of them that they didn’t need anyone else, they would be enough for Even and Isak. 

“So, let’s toast to Isak and Yousef for making all of this happen,” Even said, holding up his cup of soda. Everyone else followed in suit, lifting their glasses and clinging along to the toast. “Thank you boys for an amazing night, and so much more to come. Everyone’s going to the party tomorrow, yeah?” 

The group rumbled with confirmation that they’d all be attending and Even couldn’t help but just smiled to himself and pull the boy in the chair to the left of him closer. He wrapped his arm around Isak’s shoulder and kissed the side of his face a couple of times while different conversations started to erupt around their table. 

“Thank you for this,” Even said quietly in his ear, kissing around it a couple more times as he rubbed Isak’s arm where his hand was resting. “You know, we have unfinished business to attend to…”

“If you’re talking about what was going on before you _shot me_ , which is homicide, by the way,” Isak said, looking up at him, his eyes playful but his tone serious, “Why on earth would I want to finish that? You tricked me into my own death.” 

“It wasn’t death, it was just a point, and I let you get one, too,” Even said with a smile and a shrug, squeezing Isak and giving him some more kisses, to his temple this time. “Trust me, if we finish, there will be no shots fired, no competition, just pure, sweet, innocent love-making.” 

“Hi, yes I can hear you guys,” Elias said to the other side of Even, clapping him on the shoulder and looking at the two boys. “So, two things. One: gross I don’t need to hear your pillow talk. And two: what is this I’m hearing? You were fraternizing with the enemy? Uh, no, that’s not okay. Banished. Both of you. Go eat alone.” 

“You _do_ realize that that’s exactly what they want,” Magnus said, chiming into the conversation and giving Yousef a little shrug as if this was all common sense. “You send them off in any version of being alone and they’ll probably fuck on that table right in front of us.” 

“Oh come on, they’d _at least_ find a bathroom to fuck in,” Jonas said, gently hitting Magnus’ chest and looking up at Isak and Even with one of his knowing smirks. “Should we excuse you two?” 

“Oh, fuck _off_ ” Isak said sassily, rolling his eyes and even bobbing his head a little. “We can excuse _ourselves_ , thank you.”   
*

**~Saturday Morning~**

Isak kept Even up late into the night, getting more and more excited about the surprise. Everything else had faded away, all of his doubt and worry gone, excitement to extreme levels completely taking it over. He just wanted to know, he asked questions on questions but Even wouldn’t budge, wouldn’t give any indication whether he was anywhere close to guessing it right. 

He probably wasn’t, anyway. 

But, when he finally passed out--around the fourth round of questions and after their third round of sex—he slept peacefully throughout the night. It wasn’t until well into the morning that he felt Even move beside him. The sudden cold of his absence ultimately being the thing that woke him completely. He was going to have to squirm around to find a good position again. So, he moved a little and grabbed his phone, looking at his messages and catching the time. Not even Nine in the morning? Back to sleep for sure. 

So he squirmed, moving himself onto Even’s side of the bed and breathing in his scent as he relaxed himself back into sleep. At first, he told himself he’d wait for Even to come back, but the sleep was too powerful for him and took him over. That’s where Even found him somewhere around two hours later. 

“Hey baby,” Even whispered in his ear, kneeling down by the side of the bed and resting a hand on Isak’s side. The touch was what woke him this time, warm, inviting, comforting as it rubbed gently up and down, soothing Isak;s body further. “It’s almost eleven and I want to get brunch, get up. Please.” 

“Well, since you asked so nicely,” Isak managed to mumble, slitting his eyes open just a little to see Even’s blurry face through his lashes. He squirmed a little then pulled his arm out of the blanket, reaching up and touching Even’s hair. He opened his eyes fuller and smiled at him. “I guess I could get up. If brunch is that important to you. Wait, did you say almost eleven? Where have you been?”

“Nowhere,” Even said, smiling back and then kissing Isak’s temple, “Not a lie, not really. But, I did steal your rock. I’m not telling you why but you’re going to have to deal without it for a little bit. Okay? Okay. Now, let’s get up. We’re gettin brunch and then the surprise. The quicker you get up, the quicker we get to the surprise.” 

“Don’t have to tell me twice,” Isak said, getting up off the bed, Even moving out of his way so he could go into his own room to grab clothes for the day, Even following and leaning on the door that separated their room. “I’m assuming I don’t have enough time to shower.”

“Nei, but you’re fine,” Even said with a smirk, keeping his eyes on Isak’s body while he pulled on his clothes for the day. “You look good and you smell like damn roses, baby.” 

“I didn’t realize cum smelled like roses,” Isak said, looking back at himself in the mirror and picturing the white that had been smeared many times on his stomach the night before. They’d wiped them off, but he still imagined there were remnants of their combined liquids still camping in the pores of his skin. He shrugged a little then pulled his shirt on, walking over to Even. “Or is your cum just special?” 

“I’d say that the two of us combined definitely ejaculate roses, babe,” Even said with a little laugh of his own before guiding the two out of the room. “I guess Josefine and Martin are planning on staying home today, so we get to take the car.”

“Jizzing roses sounds painful. But, if you ask me if I want to learn how to drive, I’m going back to bed,” Isak said, holding onto him and continuing to walk with him anyway. They still had to make a few pit stops before they left, Even needed the keys, Isak needed to brush his teeth and grab his hat that he was pretty sure he left in the living room a few days prior. 

“Oh shh, not this time,” Even said,giving him a quick kiss on the lips before leaning on the door to the bathroom, letting Isak finish getting ready as he talked. “I’m thinking I’ll teach you this summer, for sure. No whining that you don’t want to. We’ll do it.” 

“Yeah, well, we’ll see about it,” He told him and then rolled his eyes before beginning to brush his teeth. They finished getting ready and then headed out to where Even planned for them to get brunch. Even drove and held his hand and sang along to music. It kind of just felt like the start to a perfect day and Isak felt like he was finally going to be able to let the Mikael fiasco go completely. 

When they got to the restaurant, Even got them a booth to sit at for brunch. They sat close and did what would be considered as gross and ridiculous if they’d done it in front of their friends. They fed each other, stole plenty of kisses, complimented specific features on each other—like Even’s jaw, or Isak’s shoulders—and Isak even had a leg draped over one of Even’s underneath the table. It was probably the perfect picture to show how in love they were. 

Even even snagged a few pictures and videos, claiming that it was very important that they documented everything before and after Even’s surprise. And, it made Isak guess some more, his brain buzzing a million miles a minute to try to get to the right place. Even wouldn’t even budge on where the surprise was, if it was physical thing, or some sort of mental achievement. Nothing. So, Isak tried not to think about it. 

“You’re seriously still trying to guess in your head, aren’t you?” Even asked, looking into his eyes and laughing under his breath, “I can literally see you thinking right now. Are you really that excited? What if the surprise is lame, then you would have worked yourself up for nothing. Maybe you won’t even like it.” 

“Both you and Jonas said it’ll be amazing,” Isak said with a smile and a shrug, “I’m not going to be able to stop thinking about it until you tell me. I mean it, I’m literally trying to not think about it but _I can’t._ ” 

“Alright, fine,” Even said, looking down at their plates. They were mostly empty and they had _almost_ abandoned the rest of it, though still taking little bites every now and then. But, Even seemed to make the decision that they were done, slipping out of Isak’s grip and out of the booth. “I’m going to go see if we can get the bill so we can get out of here, then. As much as I’d like to keep you waiting, you’ve had to go through enough torture, you don’t need anymore.” 

 

**~Saturday Afternoon~**

“Okay, so I’m starting to think you’re leading me to my death,” Isak told Even. They had taken an unfamiliar route to an unfamiliar part of town Isak knew nothing about. They were driving down a residential area slowly and there seemed to be no final destination at all. “Listen, Even, I guess if it’s gotta end, can you at least get me off before you kill me?”

“Oh come on,” Even said, laugh erupting right out of his chest, as he pulled over on the side of the road. He was still laughed as he reached over and wrapped his arms around Isak, it rumbled through both their bodies. Even squeezed his shoulder and let out a little sigh, “But I am going to cover your eyes once we get out of the car, so you know, however you feel about that.” 

“Oh great,” Isak said as the two of them opened the doors and stepped out of the car. Isak stood their allowing Even to put his hands over his eyes after he walked around the car. He let Even begin to lead him the rest of the way, however long that may be. “Now I’m seriously worried. I didn’t think it was going to end _this way_ , but it’s a pretty good way to end, I guess.” 

“Why would that be a good way to end?” Even asked continuing to lead him, carefully taking a turn and walking up some steps. The stairs were difficult since he couldn’t see, but once he recognized the pattern and the size, he made it up them easily. 

“Because, sure you may have killed me, but then I’ll have never had to live without you, I guess,” Isak said, thinking about how that may have sounded. Pathetic, to begin with. “I mean, I mean, if _you and I_ were going to end, I don’t know how I’d live, knowing you didn’t want me. It’d be difficult. I mean, I’d live, don’t get me wrong, but I wouldn’t be the same me. And so, you killing me is a good way for us to end.” 

“Too bad we’re not ending, baby, ever,” Even said, moving so that only one hand covered Isak’s eyes as he fumbled with some things then opened a door. Isak’s heart was starting to beat fast. This was it, it was the surprise, “And I’m never going to not want you. I’ll always want you. Are you ready?” 

“I literally can’t stand a second more of the suspense,” Isak told him, reaching up to take Even’s hands off of his eyes. Even fought it for a moment but then let it go, letting Isak finally see what the suspense was building to. When finally, he could see his surroundings, he found that they were standing in the middle of an empty, and actually quite spacious studio apartment. “Even...what is this? You didn’t...I mean, how?” 

“Surprise baby, it’s ours,” Even said with a smile, squeezing Isak’s shoulders and then spinning away from him to present the space. “It’s small and we’ll sleep where we eat and where we watch TV and basically where we do everything else, but it totally works for us. We can move in in a week after they’ve cleaned the carpets and fixed our fridge.” 

“Again, I have to ask how?” Isak asked, looking around, completely shocked. He was sure it’d be another few months before they were able to save up the cash. Even hadn’t even been working that long, he didn’t even get his first paycheck until the day before on Friday. “Seriously, Even, did you rob a bank? I did the math, this is… I mean, wow. How?” 

“Okay, well, I have to warn you that yes, during the day, this side of town is okay, but at night it’s not the greatest, so price-wise, that made it a little easier,” Even shrugged and then walked over to Isak, putting his hands on his hips and looking down at him. “But, that price cut wasn’t completely helpful, so, I decided to take matters into my own hands. So, I mean, hopefully you don’t get mad about this because I know I’m on thin ice.” 

“You’re not on thin ice anymore,” Isak said, shaking his head and reaching his hands up to hold Even’s face, “This is an amazing surprise. I seriously can’t even believe it. Tell me how.” 

“I talked to your Dad, on Wednesday,” Even said gently and seriously, looking down at him with a straight face, “It’s why I lied about where I was. And, he’s still going to want that dinner with you sometime soon, but I got him to give me enough for the rest of the deposit at least. We came here, looked at it, and I told him that we were going to figure it out, with him or not. I think he probably doesn’t like me even _more_ now, but it’s totally worth it because this place is _ours_. And, my mom and dad said they’d help a little too so, I mean, until you get a job, we’ll be good, everything will be fine.” 

“Okay, but there must be some sort of catch, right?” Isak asked, moving from Even and looking around the space again, picturing his and Even’s things scattered throughout, filling the room, covering the walls, making it their own. It’d be perfect. As long as there wasn’t some sort of catch. “I mean, it is my Dad we’re talking about here. There must be some sort of ultimatum or demand.” 

“I mean, he does still want to see you, have another dinner with you, and only you,” Even said, putting his hands on his own hips while he watched Isak. “But, I figured we’d cross that bridge when we got there. He’s already given us the money, we’ve got the place and with you having an interview and a little bit of help from my parents, I don’t think we’ll actually be needing him again. All of that is up to you, though. We can figure out whatever it is that you want to do.” 

“Even, I can’t believe it,” Isak said, everything officially hitting him. Even secured it, this place was literally _their’s_. A place for them to be alone, a space just for the two of them. An oasis. A getaway. For them. And Even did it, Even figured it out. Even wanted to live with him _that bad_. And, Isak had been a jerk, he had accused him of cheating. He had doubted his trust and been just absolutely terrible. Before he knew it, there were tears welling in his eyes. “Baby, I’m so sorry.” 

“Isak, Isak, Isak,” Even said, immediately rushing over to him and pulling him into his arms. He hooked his arms right underneath Isaks, his hands resting on his shoulder blades, holding their bodies close. “It’s okay, don’t be sorry. Don’t cry unless it’s happy tears. Don’t be sad.” 

“I was just such an asshole to you,” Isak said, locking his eyes on Even’s shoulder, trying not to let his tears spill. 

“Don’t even think about it,” Even told him pulling him closer, so Isak rested his head on his shoulder and listened to him while a few tears spilled down his cheeks. “You’ve been hurt, you’ve been left. I get it. We’re still learning how to love, Isak. I’ve never loved like this and I’m pretty sure you never have, either. We’re navigating through it and we’re figuring it out. There are going to be bumps in the way. Think about everything we’ve been through so far. These tidal waves of things that have seemed like the end of the world and now it’s nothing. We’re working through this together and we’re doing a pretty damn good job at it if you ask me. I don’t have a doubt in my mind about us making it through. Because we will. So be happy, this place is ours. One week and you’ll have all this alone time with me that you won’t even know what to do with.” 

“I have a few ideas of what we could do with that time,” Isak told him, sniffling and pulling back just a little to look him the eyes once he rubbed away the tears. “It may have something to do with learning how to love.” 

“If you’re talking about what I think you’re talking about, then there is no _learning_ that needs to be done,” Even said with a little smirk, moving his hands to wipe away the remainder of tears off Isak’s face. “I’d say we’ve got that down, like more than a hundred percent down.”

“Someone’s full of himself,” Isak said with a smile, pushing up on his tiptoes to give Even a gentle kiss. He wrapped his arms around his neck and hung there as he pulled back, looking into Even’s eyes. “But I don’t actually have any complaints, so you’re right. At least a hundred percent.” 

“Mm, I know what I feel,” Even said, his smirk growing into a smile as his hands slid down Isak’s sides, around to his back and down to his ass before giving it a good squeeze. Isak could help but bite his lip as he looked into Even’s dreamy, hungry eyes. “And, you seem to have a pretty good time, too.” 

“You have no idea,” Isak told him his voice quiet, but filling up the empty space, adding to the tension. 

“So, then, what do you say we break this place in?” Even asked, his hands on Isak’s ass pulling Isak’s hips into his own, heat and tension immediately swirling around their nethers. 

“There’s no furniture and you just said the carpets need to be cleaned,” Isak said, trying to keep himself under control as Even’s hips began circling into his own, friction dragging between their jeans. He knew that they were going to do this, that they would be able to find a good place. Even if they had to get creative. He just wanted to make Even beg a little bit. 

“We don’t need _furniture_ ,” Even said, scoffing and then pressing Isak’s up against the nearest wall. His voice got low, almost rumbling as his eyes pierced into Isak’s the circling motion in his hips never-ceasing, making it hard for Isak to hide how bad he really wanted him. “I could do you right here. Or bend you over the kitchen counter, or the sink in the bathroom… Or all three.” 

“Fy faen,” Isak breathed, staring him in the eyes, falling prisoner under the spell they were putting him under. His heart was pounding and Even was slowly becoming the only light in the room. The only thing he could focus on. “The...uh, bathroom might be dirty...and uh, the uh, the kitchen is where we’ll be making food…” 

“Isaaaak,” Even whined and fluttered his eyelashes, holding him there against the wall, his hip movements ceasing, thought Isak could still feel his hard on through is jeans. “Do you seriously not want to?” 

“Nei, I do,” Isak said with a smile, squirming himself out from between Even and the wall then starting to walk off to the kitchen—which they passed while Isak’s eyes were still covered, but he could see that the little hallway near the door had a walkway to the kitchen. He stopped before the hallway and turned around, leaning against the wall and smiling at Even, “The kitchen works.” 

“You just love to tease,” Even said shaking his head and walking towards Isak. He grabbed Isak’s hips and started backing him down the short hall and into the doorway. Isak could help but smile up at him, letting Even take him wherever he wanted. Even moved a hand to Isak’s shoulder and slid the other down to his jeans, starting to undo the button as he backed isak against the counter. “You ready to have sex for the first time ever in our new apartment?” 

“Did you bring lube?” 

“I knew we’d be here,” Even said, wiggling his eyebrows as he pulled Isak’s pants down to his ankles, leaving him in his boxers before scooping him up and setting him on the counter. Isak adjusted himself and watched him as he reached into his pocket, pulling out multiple packets of lube and tossing them on the counter. “So, of course I brought lube.” 

There was really no arguing his point. They were destined to have sex there and then. It was probably detailed in the stars. Sex seemed to be pretty important during Isak’s doubt, as if Isak was trying to make sure Even knew what he’d miss if he actually left. But, this felt important because this was a time for them, the first time in their new place where they could literally do whatever they wanted, be as loud as they wanted, and do it wherever they wanted. As if they could finally fully get the whole experience, no holding back. 

So, Isak kicked off his jeans and wrapped his legs around Even’s, pulling him into him. He grabbed the hair on the back of Even’s head and pulled them together, their lips crashing hard. They made out and they undressed, clothes flying, hands grabbing and pulling and scratching while their eyes hungrily searched every crevice of each other’s bodies. They started to sweat, their dicks started to throb. Isak could even feel pre-cum dripping down his shaft. 

Fuck, he wanted this. All of this. Needed it.

Before he knew it, Even was pulling him to the edge of the counter and leaning him back against the cupboard behind him. He ripped open a couple of the lube packets at once, using his teeth and then pouring some into his hands. Isak grabbed onto the edge of the counter to help keep himself up, half hanging off as Even used the lube to open him up, his fingers moving in the same way as the rest of their hook up, fast, needy, hard, and just so damn satisfying. 

It turned Isak into a whining mess, his hands gripping the edge of the counter so hard that his knuckles were turning white. He cussed and moaned, calling out Even’s name and leaning forward to bite onto Even’s shoulder. Even was making him feel good and it made Isak feel even more good to know that he didn’t need to hold back, didn’t need to worry about Even’s parents overhearing or scarring Ana for good, didn't need to worry about complaints from other hotel guests or anything else. He could just melt and fall and slip under Even’s touch and let loose. 

“Ev,” he groaned, getting himself to reach out and grab Even’s hand. Isak wasn’t ready to come but Even was nailing his sweet spot so good that Isak was about to scream. He wouldn’t mind screaming, but it so was not time for that. “H-how do you want me? Come on, I need you.” 

“Okay, okay,” Even said slowly, pulling his fingers out before pouring the rest of the lube in those packets into his hands. He started slathering it over his dick as he looked at Isak, “I think I can manage like this. Comfortable enough? I’ll help hold you up.” 

“Yeah, okay, hurry,” Isak swallowed hard and watched him, wanting to reach out and pull Even close, pull him right inside of him. But he just breathed heavily and waited the final few moments Even took before stepping close for himself. “Faen, Even, I need you so bad.” 

“Me too, baby,” Even growled, stepping forward and grabbing Isak's hip with one of his messy hands and guiding his dick to Isak's hole with the other. Isak felt the pressure of the tip, his position not making this the easiest maneuver as Even began to press inside. It wasn't the easiest push or stretch but Even went slow, both hands finding their way to Isak's ass to help hold him up on the edge of the countertop as he bottomed out with a low moan in Isak's ear. He stopped deep into Isak, holding him chest to chest for the moment, looking dreamily into each other's eyes as they breathed heavily, wanting more.

“No holding back,” Isak managed to whisper out, wrapping his arms around Even's neck and rolling his hips once into Even's, craving the euphoria that was to come. “We're alone” 

“We certainly are,” Even said in his low voice and a smirk playing across his face as he began to move his hips, slowly, slowly. Glazing the pleasure over Isak’s insides as Even grazed his sweet spots. He pushed his hand up the back of Even’s neck before tangling them comfortably in the hair on the back of Even’s head as they leisurely moved their hips together. 

“Ba-aby,” Isak moaned, tilting his head back and letting it rest on the cupboard behind him as his mouth fell open. Even’s eyes had been on him but now he felt his lips over his jaw and neck as his thrusts steadily sped up, all movements remaining so gentle Isak could barely handle it. The speed, the temperament, it was all so intoxicating, he couldn’t help but moan out some more and pull on the back of Even’s hair. And it was only just the beginning. 

They let the two of themselves become intoxicated by the feeling until it was unbearable. Their pace had gone from leisurely and steady to slow and rugged, pumping in and hitting with just almost enough force to push Isak into the stars with every new delivery of Even’s hips into his own. And, it went on, pushing Isak’s nerves, too slow to actually send him anywhere until their stomachs were churning with a deeper desire for more.

Isak felt it radiating from Even more than he could feel it within himself, and when they met eyes, Even saw it, took it as a sign and changed things up. He pulled out completely and then moved Isak sideways and pressing him down to the counter. Isak watched as Even jumped up onto the counter, crawling over top of Isak then moving between his legs. It was kind of a squeeze. 

“Baby, there’s not enough room,” Isak groaned and made grabby hands at Even, though everything had been growing agonizing, the sudden absence of Even with his desire for more made him need. Made him need Even so damn bad. They’d make the small space work, somehow. Even had it and everything was going to be okay. And they were going to feel so damn good. 

“I got this,” Even confirmed out loud and then spread Isak’s cheeks and pressed himself back inside, filling Isak back up and making himself feel a little less empty. This time, Even worked his hips hard, plunging into Isak hard with every fourth thrust, like clockwork. Even would pump his hips, circle them around and then on the fourth thrust, boom, he’d hit Isak’s little bundle of nerves, hard, rocketing him into the stars until all Isak could see was Even. 

He wasn’t wrong. He fucking had this. Isak was calling out, cussing at Even as he delivered those perfect movements, pressing up weakly with his own efforts to make everything perfect. He reached out; he was too far away from Even, he needed to be scratching his nails down his back, needed to be devouring his lips with his own, tasting his tongue. His Even senses would help send him over the edge. So, he reached out, moving to sit his torso up so he could get a good grip on Even’s shoulders. 

“Need you,” Isak moaned out as he moved, Even moving too and meeting him halfway, their bodies slamming together. Isak held on but the impact was too much for the small space, and then next thing he knew, they were falling to the floor. Even flipped them, making himself take the brunt of the fall, Isak falling on top of them as they crashed to the floor. Isak hit his head off of Even’s shoulder and tucked his hands underneath Even’s back right before the fall, trying to keep him safe, too. “Oh, fuck, baby. Baby, are you okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Even said, shaking his head and looking up at Isak. Both of their chests were heaving, both from the adrenaline of the fall and their other actions. And, fuck, if Even was okay he was war seriously ready to get right back to it. “Sorry, I thought it’d be easier. Are you okay?” 

“Shut up, don’t apologize,” Isak said, getting up and then bending over, and reaching out for Even’s hand to help him up too. He took it, raising an eyebrow at Isak and playing along. “I’m fine. You want easy then we should go back to the original proposal. Bend me over the counter.” 

Isak widened his eyes at him playfully and put out his hands before spinning around and bending over, resting his elbows on the counter happily. Allowing Even full access to do whatever he felt like. Isak knew he was going to blow his mind, because Even always did. Even always had the way of finding the perfect spot, the right pace, the most perfect position. So he looked back and fluttered his eyelashes, inviting Even over. Positions like this weren’t necessarily normal for them, Isak preferred to be watching Even’s face, or kissing his lips. But, that didn’t make it any less of an option. Besides, it was good in it’s own ways, everything was with Even.

“Fy faen, I love you,” Even said, taking the necessary step towards and grabbing Isak’s hips to get then back on track. Isak’s whole body was beginning to throb with need, the adrenaline pushing it along, telling him he needed to get back to it. So, he was ever grateful when Even found his way back inside, his hand sliding up Isak’s back to his shoulder blade as he found his rhythm again. 

“Lo-ove you too,” Isak moaned, digging his nails into his hands as they rested on the counter, Even bouncing off his ass and jolting Isak’s whole body with every thrust. Isak was so sensitive from all of the on-and-off, so it was easy to feel as though they were picking back up where they left off. Every tiny movement of Even’s felt like it was about to jump right over the ledge. 

He held on, he did. But, he couldn’t for long with Even crashing into his sweet spot and sending shivers throughout his entire body every few moments. Isak was back to moaning out Even’s name and cussing. As he felt himself getting closer and closer, he pushed back into Even’s chest, turning his head and doing anything to get closer to Even’s lips. Even helped, closing the distance and kissing him at an awkward angle but absolutely perfectly as he reached around and and started squeezing Isak’s cock. 

It wasn’t long and he was coming, biting down on Even’s lip and groaning out as his cum coating Even’s hand. Even kept moving his hips, fast, hard, coming almost immediately after. Isak wanted to collapse, but, with nothing to collapse into, he just continued resting on Even’s chest, breathing heavily and catching his bearings. 

“They shower works,” Even whispered in his ear, his arms wrapped completely around Isak, almost the only thing holding him up. “Let’s wash up.”

 

**~Saturday Evening~**

The boys dropped the car off at home and went to the party completely elated. Everything in the universe feeling just about right for them. And maybe things would change in a blink of an eye but Isak really felt that everything was perfect right then. They were perfect and he and Even had an apartment and they were ready to party with their friends. Even with Mikael there, they didn’t care. They did it, they got their apartment, they were moving forward, nothing was getting in their way. They were practically invincible at this point, prepared for any looming doom. 

“And then you cut to a video of a monkey running away,” Even said, laughing and shaking his head. “That’d be hilarious. Don’t you think? What? Do none of you think that’s hilarious? Oh my god, what is wrong with you people?”

“Sorry, baby, you lost me,” They were all mostly getting pretty drunk, and Isak was pretty sure the entire group lost track of whatever the point was that Even was trying to get to. His story for this hilarious video seemed like it didn’t make any sense at all, but Even was so into it so Isak just squeezed his side and kissed his cheek, “But, you’re a genius filmmaker, I’m sure it’d be great.”

“Nah, it’s trash,” Adam said, clapping Even on the shoulder and shaking his head. “You’re losing your touch, you know.” 

“It’s not trash,” Isak said defensively, reaching over and taking Adam’s hand off Even’s shoulder. “Don’t be mean.” 

“Thank you, baby,” Even said with a smile, leaning his head over and smashing his lips against Isak in a boozy and sloppy kiss that Isak managed to melt into anyway. 

“For any of you who are done watching Even and Isak make out, we set up pong!” Magnus called out from across the room. Isak pulled away from Even to See Magnus and Vilde standing by the pong table, Vilde happily hanging off Magnus’ side. “Vilde and I are on a team, who wants to play?”

“Be on my team, Even,” Adam said, pulling Even away from Isak, easily slipping out of the boy’s drunken-noodle arms, “Come on.” 

“Okay, okay,” Even said, pulling away from Adam and walking back to Isak for a moment, giving him a kiss on the lips, “Are you going to play pong, babe?” 

“Probably, maybe Sonja can be my partner,” He said with a smile, looking at Even then nodding in Sonja’s direction before turning back to Even and giving him a kiss of his own. He and Jonas invited Sonja, and she seemed to be having a good time, but Isak wanted to make sure that she actually was. He could be her pong partner. That’d work. “And I look forward to completely annihilating the two of you.”

“Good,” Even said with a smile and another four quick kisses before he headed off with Adam to play against Magnus and Vilde, and apparently Noora and Eva were going to play the winner. Which left Isak with Eskild, Sana, Yousef, and Sonja. Isak watched him walk away for a few moments before turning back to the four of them. They were all smirking at him, Eskild with his arms crossed and shaking his head. 

“Can I do nothing to break you two up and get him for myself?” Eskild asked, joking, shaking his head some more and then looking at Sonja. “Can you believe those two? He kisses someone else and Isak still looks at him like that. How?” 

“We’re past that, thank you,” Isak said, squinting his eyes at Eskild. Earlier on when they had first arrived, he told Eskild the trouble he caused and Eskild just laughed and told him he was better safe than sorry. But, _of course_ he was glad everything worked out. But, Isak felt a little skeptic, though maybe Eskild wasn’t joking so much and actually wanted Even for himself. “And he’s _mine_.” 

“So everything is good, then?” Sana asked, looking at Isak and then pst him at Even. “I mean, everything looks really good, you guys seem almost sickeningly happy.” 

“I am happy, _we’re_ happy,” Isak said with a shrug, looking around at these people who he now called friends. A group of people he would have never actually thought would wind up in the same room together, happy and friendly. But, there they were, talking to Isak, ready for him to say whatever he wanted. So, he took a leap and confided, “Honestly though, I think part of that might be Even being manic.” 

“He’s manic? He’s been drinking,” Yousef pointed out, looking at Isak and then over at Even, his eyes clicking with an understanding, as if he reevaluated all of Even’s behaviour in the past hour and a half and it suddenly made sense. 

“Well, I don’t know for sure,” Isak shrugged a little and looked down at the ground for a moment. Truthfully, he’d been nursing his drinks so he could keep an eye on Even. He’d noticed a few things about him lately and he just wanted to make sure everything was under control. They were in a happy place and he was going to make sure it stayed that way. 

“What clues are there?” Sonja asked, the only one of the five of them that hadn’t really gotten to know about the disorder. She even seemed a little more on edge when the subject was brought up, which made sense, if she didn’t really know too much about it. “How would you know?” 

“Well, yeah, there’s happy Even and there’s manic-happy Even, and both are great, but,” Isak shrugged a little and thought about it for a moment, “it’s like everything is more intense when he’s manic. He gets really energetic and sometimes so excited about things that they stop making sense. Right now, it’s some of that, but it’s also his sex drive. He’s been very horny, very often. Which, also isn’t exactly _unnatural._ But it could be. I’m keeping an eye out.” 

“Well, you see pretty calm about it,” Eskild pointed out, raising an eyebrow at Isak. He knew firsthand what an episode of Even’s could do to Isak. But Isak was over all of that, he was going to be better about Even’s episodes. He had already promised himself that. They were moving forward and being adult and they were going to handle it like adults. 

“Well, like I said, I’m not sure,” Isak said again, and then sipped his beer, which was getting warm. “Besides, if he is, then we’ll deal with it, I’m watching him, I have it under control. I’m not worried. Things are good, we can make it..And, right now, he’s happy and I’m happy and we’re going to stay happy. If it is an episode then what comes next sucks for him. I’d rather make sure he’s happy now. We’ll worry about an episode if and when it gets out of hand. Things are hard and they’re going to be hard, but until they actually are, we stay happy,. We don’t worry about the next terrible thing that could happen. We live for now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed and stay tuned for the epilogue and a sequel <3 bye <3
> 
> comment/kudo please and thanks as always ily.f


	23. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas and New Years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not much but it's just lil tidbits of their life and how their life is going to go from here forward and the holidays and lalala.  
> I wanted to post this by yesterday for Isak's birthday but waaah I missed it, I've been busy. but still happy late birthday Isak ily <3<3<3<3

**~Christmas Morning, 2016~**

On Christmas morning, Isak woke up in his favorite place in the world: Even’s arms. It was Even’s perfect first gift to him, even if he didn’t know he was giving it. It wasn’t too odd that Isak was waking up before him, Even was still evening out, right outside the worst part of his episode. Christmas Eve had been his first full day out of bed and everything prior had been difficult to say the least. Isak had hated seeing Even so down, especially so close to the holidays. 

But now, he was in Even’s arms.The night before, Even had even taken it upon himself to wrap his arms tight around Isak’s torso, holding him close. It didn’t even matter to Isak that they hadn’t been able to move into their apartment yet. It seemed the universe wanted to make sure to give the two of them one last final struggle before they could move in together for real. So, Even had an episode. He was all over the place, wanting to buy so many different things for the apartment, drawing up a million different floor plans for their things to go within the space, and spending all hours of the nights planning what their next future home would be. 

As far as Manic Even went, it wasn’t too bad. Isak was always a little on edge about the things that Even wanted to do while he was manic. He was always dangerous and too spontaneous when he was like that. But, as for danger and spontaneity went, it seemed like the only leaps he was taking were mental, which made it seem that it was going to be a pretty reasonable episode. It felt like maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, that maybe they could still move forward as planned. 

But, Isak knew, there would be a point when Even’s switch flipped and he’d be bed-ridden and if they were between homes, that just wasn’t going to work out. So, Isak made the executive decision for the two of them to move after the episode had passed. At that point in time, they had the day after Christmas scheduled as moving day. He and Even fought a little about changing dates while he was manic, but in the end it was the best decision to make. Especially on the days leading up to Christmas when Even was feeling low, so far out of the Christmas spirit—it was good to have Even’s family around to try to keep everything moving.

None of any of it mattered, though when Isak woke up in his arms. They could be at Even’s parents house, a crumby motel, their apartment, a tent in the woods, or a stranger’s floor and as long as Isak was in Even’s arms, he was home. In the perfect place. So, he nuzzled right in and let himself fall back into a light slumber while Even continued to sleep. 

It couldn’t have been long after that Ana was pounding on the door, insisting that the boys wake up so all of them could do presents together. Isak knew that this was one of the things that Even arguments about having to spend Christmas there, he had wanted a special time for the two of them to exchange gifts alone, but now they were going to have to cater to the family first. Isak imagined they’d figure it out and maybe now that Even was feeling better, he’d be more in the spirit. 

“This is your fault, Isak,” Even mumbled as he woke up. Ana was still pounding on the door, wanting to burst into the room but somehow managing to follow the rule they had about her not coming in without permission. “We could have been at our own place….” 

“I know, I know,” Isak sighed and then slowly sat up, looking over Even where he lay, “How are you feeling today? I can tell them you’re not feeling well and have them open gifts without us. Or whatever you want.”

“M’fine,” he said, opening his eyes and turning his head to look at Isak with a weak little smile on his face, “Merry Christmas, baby.” 

“Merry Christmas, Ev,” Isak said with a smile, leaning down, kissing him once on the lips. “I’m glad you’re feeling better. That’s like, the greatest Christmas gift of them all.”

“It’s Christmas so I’m not going to tell you how ridiculously cheesy that was for you to say,” Even said, slowly pushing himself up and into a sitting position and leaning close to Isak. “But, you know, if that counts as a present, I’m taking everything back and you can just have me.” 

“I’ll take you,” Isak smiled and leaned closer, nuzzling his nose against Even’s and sighing as Ana began banging at the door again. He brushed his lips against Even’s and then got up, walking over to the door and opening it just a crack to look at Ana. “Ana, you’re going to have to give us some time. An hour maybe. Ev is still waking up.” 

“But it’s Christmas and there are presents!” Ana whined pushing on the door a little, but Isak kept it firmly in place with his foot, shaking his head at the girl who was looking at him as if he’d just killed Santa himself.

“The presents will still be there in an hour,” Isak said, pushing the door back closed and then talking through it. “Eat breakfast or something while you wait. Or don’t even wait for us. Whatever. Just give us some time.” 

“An hour, huh?” Even asked with a smile, moving to sit against the headboard, Isak was happy to see him smiling so genuinely again. He’d gotten small, half-hearted smiles from him the day before, but nothing like the smiles he was already giving him today. “What are we going to do with an hour?”

“Well, obviously my present to you is my dick wrapped in a bow,” Isak said, walking back over to the bed and sitting on the edge of it. He was smiling playfully as he talked, resting a hand on Even’s thigh and giving it a little squeeze. “I think we can manage an hour. I would’ve given her longer but you know, kids.” 

“Kids,” Even said with a small little chuckle and a shaking of his head, “You know I’d love that present. Though I think I might already have gotten it...a few times.”

“I thought you might say that,” Isak smiled wider now, not being able to help the happiness he felt seeing Even laughing, smiling, and joking again. He ran his hands through Even’s hair a couple of times and looked him in the eyes. “Which is exactly why I bought a back up. I figured we’d spend the hour to exchange gifts on our own. Sound good?” 

“Sounds perfect, Isak,” Even told him, leaning in and giving him a kiss. It was soft and slow, Isak’s hand held in the back of Even’s hair and Even’s hand resting on the back of Isak’s neck. It was more passion than Isak had gotten from Even in days, and Isak could help but smile and interrupt the kiss, slowly pulling back and nuzzling his nose against Even’s. 

“Elsker deg,” Isak said, getting up and then going to his own room to get Even’s present. A lot of his things were packed up since he had so much time when Even was down, he was able to pack damn near all the stuff both the boys needed. Isak marked that as a healthy way to spend his time. Productive. Even would be proud. He even knew where Even was hiding his presents, because he had asked him not to go near them when he was packing. Isak had listened, but that just meant that nothing in Even’s closet was packed yet. 

He grabbed Even’s present, perfectly wrapped in sparkly blue wrapping paper. Literally perfectly wrapped, he’d watched like, ten different youtube videos on good techniques, and then tried wrapping it on his own a few times until it was actually perfect. When he walked back into the room, Even was digging through the closet. He was a lot better, Isak could tell, but it was like his body had to remember what it was like to be better. So, he moved slower than usual, but he moved and he’d be back to having a skip in his step in no time. 

“Need any help?” Isak asked, sitting on the edge of the bed and holding Even’s present in his lap. 

“Nei, I got it,” Even said, standing up and turning around with a few things in his hand. A couple of wrapped presents and a little bag with rainbow tissue paper bursting out the top. “I got you a few small things. On top of the apartment, you know. We were supposed to be there today, it was part of my gift.” 

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” Isak said, patting the bed beside him. “But we’ll move in tomorrow. Or the next day. Or whenever your ready. But, I’ll make sure we’re there before the new year, okay?” 

“Yeah, okay, thank you,” Even said with the smallest little smile. Obviously not being in the apartment by Christmas bugged him, but Isak would make sure everything was spectacular, anyway. He’d try to make up for it best he could. Even came over and sat next to Isak on the bed despite being upset about the apartment. Isak was sure he’d be happy soon, anyway. The two of them moved back to the middle of the bed, facing each other, “Here, since your presents are smaller, you open them first and then I’ll open mine,”

“Sure, let’s do that,” Isak said, setting Even’s present aside and then taking the gifts as Even gave them to him. The first was a galaxy tapestry for their new place, Even said that pictures of the galaxy and stars would always remind him of Isak. The next was a Nas snapback, which was a good gift for obvious reasons, but the last gift was the best. 

“So, this gift is the reason I stole your rock,” Even said as he handed over the bag with the rainbow paper sticking out of it. Isak took it and looked down at it before looking back up at him. “And, hopefully you like it because there’s kind of no turning back. But, I can find you a new rock you know, if you—”

“I’m going to open this so you can stop doubting yourself,” Isak said before pulling out the paper and digging in the bag for the present. He pulled out the little chains and then hold them out in front of them. Two necklaces with their smoothed-out rocks as pendants. When he looked closer, he saw that they had their respective initials on it, an _E_ on the pretty blue rock that Isak would keep and an _I_ on the sparkly green that Even would wear. 

They were absolutely perfect. Isak had no idea when he got the rocks what they would be, he’d thought they were probably a ridiculous gift, but a good gesture.. He figured over time, they’d probably just become obsolete. But now Even took them and made it so they’d be able to wear them and be reminded of each other. 

“I told her to smooth them out enough that we could wear them without losing the original shape, is it okay?” Even asked after Isak spent a few moments examining the pendants quietly. He felt like he was probably about to cry over it. “I mean, I don’t even know if you want to wear a necklace. I hope it’s okay.”

“They’re amazing, Even” Isak said, gently setting them down and looking at his man, “Perfect in every way. I’m literally never going to take it off.” 

They took a few moments to get the necklaces on each other, then took a few more to kiss each other. They were already back to kissing furiously, holding each other tight as if they were afraid to let the other go. Isak was the one who pulled away, though, after all, they only had a hour and Even still needed to open his present. He had ended up in Even’s lap, and he decided it was where he would remain while Even opened his, so he grabbed it and handed it to him. 

“I had to ask your parents for some of that money that Terje’s been giving them, but I really wanted to get you this,” He told Even, watching as the boy examined the wrap-job. “I got the wrapping paper from them, too.” 

“A lot of effort was put into wrapping this and you want me to destroy it,” Even said, letting his finger trace one of the seems before pushing it up and slowly peeling off some of the tape. He was opening it slowly, doing this on each end of the package and slowly unfolding each different fold. 

“I don’t care, come on,” Isak groaned, reaching over and guiding Even’s hands to rip the wrapping paper. He couldn’t wait for Even to open it, he didn’t care about his wrap-job being ruined. He just cared that it was perfect to begin with and hid Even’s present. “I talked to all the nerds at the store about the specs and that kind of stuff and this seemed like the best one I could get for my budget. It records and takes stills and there’s some sort of motion picture setting I think you’ll like and yeah. Is it okay?” 

Isak rambled on as the wrapping paper crumbled away and Even looked over the box that held the camera. He was nervous because he didn’t know enough about cameras and he wanted the two of them to have the best first Christmas as a couple. He wanted the perfect gifts and Even had already delivered his end of that. Now Isak needed to live up to that. And, he knew Even would love it no matter what, and he’d use it no matter what, but Isak wanted it to be perfect because he _would_ use it a ton. 

“Isak, it’s fucking perfect,” Even said, setting it aside and stroking Isak’s face. He smiled and captured his lips in another quick kiss before pulling back and looking into his eyes. “It’s literally the best gift ever. I’m literally going to use it until it dies from being used so much.” 

*  
After exchanging gifts, the boys made out and cuddled and Even got a few pictures of them like that, on their first Christmas as a couple, happy. The first pictures on his new camera. And, he actually felt happy. He’d been so worried during his Down Days that he was going to ruin it for the two of them. Worried that he’d still be in a funk when the holiday came and it’d ruin everything. But he was happy, genuinely happy. He loved his gift and Isak seemed to be relatively happy with his too. 

So, it was all a success, even exchanging gifts with the family was seamless. His parents literally got the two of them a car to share, of course it was under the pretense that they would use it to visit more often than Even would like, but still it was incredible. And since they were receiving gifts as a couple, they could give as a couple, and that was a bonus because they could put both their heads together in figuring out the perfect gifts. They got Ana a guitar and some CD’s, and then various things for both of their parents—even including Terje and his wife. 

Marianne was set to come over with Lea and join Even's family for dinner and then afterwards Even and Isak had plans to stop at Terje’s and exchange gifts with them. So, it was a big day for Isak, and Even had needed everything to go as planned, or at least right in some form. Even wanted to think he willed himself to get better in time just for Isak, so that he could help him through the day. Because they were definitely going to be in need of leaning on each other for at least one particular get together planned for the day. 

His goal was to keep Isak as loose as he could for the day. If Isak was tense, then they were going to have to make adjustments, those were the rules Even made in his mind. If everything wasn’t perfect for Isak then Even would make it perfect. It was what he deserved for everything he did for him. For putting up with him during his episode. For making the right decisions for the two of them even when Even was being unreasonable and yelling about it. 

So after dinner with Marianne and Lea went smoothly and the two of them took the car to go see Terje and his wife, Even gave Isak the time to unravel, de-stress. They sat in the car outside of Terje’s house, Isak holding the present in his hand and shaking his leg. 

“We can skip this part, babe,” Even told him, reaching over and squeezing his shoulder. He still didn’t care for Terje, but they were being civil, and maybe Isak needed that, but maybe he didn’t. Maybe it made him too tense, maybe it wasn’t healthy. They didn’t need him in their lives, they could leave.

“No, no, it’s okay, we have a deal, I can manage,” Isak said with a nod, looking over at him and forcing a smile. 

“How about this, if things aren’t going well, send me a text or something and I’ll get us out,” Even said with a nod and what he hoped would be a reassuring smile. He wanted to do this even less than Isak, and he wasn’t exactly sure what he’d do to get them out of it, but he would. Not just for Isak, but for himself too. 

“He said he has news, too,” Isak said, making a face then groaning and letting his head fall back. “What news, why do I care? I didn’t even know he cared about informing me of his life. I mean, he didn’t tell me when he got married, what in the world could be more important than that?” 

“I guess we’re about to find out?” Even offered then got out of the car, walking around and opening the door for him. He helped Isak out and pulled him into his arms, trying to get him as comfortable as possible before they knocked on that door. “Hey, it’ll be okay. And, if it’s not then I’ll find a way to make it okay. Remember, when it comes to Terje, he doesn’t deserve any of your anger or hurt. And you have me.” 

“I have you,” Isak repeated before they pulled apart and headed for the door. They held hands and knocked, awaiting whatever was coming for them on the other side. 

 

Everything seemed okay with Terje and Lisa, which seemed somewhat short of a miracle to Even because he was a hundred percent sure Terje hated him. Which was find because he hated Terje, but it was definitely not the best thing for Isak. So, everyone getting along during the exchanging of gifts was almost everything they could have wished for out of the evening with them. 

That was until the other shoe dropped. The big announcement all started with one little statement.

“You said you had news,” Isak said as the four of them sat around the table eating dessert. They had run out of other topics to talk about, seemingly filled up on each other’s lives—of course, Even and Isak lied about the reason they’d delayed moving into the apartment, but they decided it’d be better if Terje didn’t know, seeing as he was still not okay with Even’s illness. So, mostly everything had been covered except the suspicious announcement.

“We’ve been waiting for a good time to tell you, actually,” Terje said, clearing his throat and taking Lisa’s hand and holding it on top of the table in what was probably a show of solidarity. Even did his own little show, but more for just Isak, squeezing his thigh under table as he felt the boy grow a little more tense. “So, I suppose now is a better time than any. It’s an amazing thing, really, God Bless. But, I just wasn’t sure how you’d feel.” 

“Okaaaay, so are you going to tell us then?” Isak asked apprehensively, probably thinking the same thing as Even. Did they really want to know? 

“I’m pregnant!” Lisa announced loudly, almost erupting with it.Then the rest was a bit of a blur, maybe a little too much commotion for Even in his recovering mental state. Isak was upset, Terje was confused about why, they were yelling at each other and Lisa was crying and screaming that it was Christmas and this was a Gift. It was supposed to start a fight.

And Isak decided to leave with the words, “Hopefully it’ll be the son you actually wanted,” and then they were out. Even just followed, didn’t say much, his eyes on Terje during the argument, always nervous or afraid he was going to hurt Isak. He followed Isak as they walked down the hall, putting on their coats, Terje in tow, yelling behind them about how happy they should be. Then Even slammed the door for him after Isak’s final statement before escorting the boy to the car, opening his door for him and getting inside.

“I’m going to assume that could have gone worse and that this was a successful stop today,” Even said, trying to be a little funny to try to raise Isak’s spirits as they sat quietly in the cold car. Even started it and cranked the heat, but stayed in place, reaching over and placing a hand on Isak’s shoulder, “Are you okay?” 

“Sorry, yeah, I’m fine,” Isak said after a few moments, taking a few deep breaths and looking at Even. Even’s heart was pounding for the boy, wondering what thoughts might be swirling around in his head. Wondering how dangerous those thoughts might be. “It's just fucked that he’s just like...trying again. A family didn't work out the way he wanted the first time so now he’s just going to try all over again like he’s twenty or something. I’m not going to be able to have any sort of intelligent conversation with that kid until I’m like, thirty.” 

“I know, baby, it’s fucked up,” Even said, caressing his cheek and looking him over. He was shaking with the upset (and the cold). He definitely understood Isak’s upset; his Dad left his family and started another. As if Isak hadn’t been good enough. He wasn’t the son Terje wanted and so he was going to try again. And that really was fucked up. “But, fuck him, fuck that. Don’t let it get to you, he’s not worth it. You have me and my family _and_ that future family that I’m _telling you_ is going to be like, most awesome family ever. Maybe we’ll be famous like the Kardashians. Except for better reasons.”

“Keeping up with the Valtersen’s?” 

“Nei, nei, nei, keeping up with the _Bech Næsheim’s,_ ” Even said, tilting his head down at him and smiling. 

“You’re probably right,” Isak shrugged and smiled back, he moved sideways in his seat and reached up running a hand through Even’s hair, sending shivers down Even’s spine. “I’d much rather take your last name than to continue to be associated with my Dad for the rest of forever.” 

“So I win because your Dad sucks,” Even smirked and then leaned down, pecking him on the lips, “Remind me to thank Terje for that later.” 

“You’re very into your last name.” 

“Well, you know,” Even shrugged and even laughed a little, as he pulled back and started to drive away, “It’s pretty cool, and I don’t think hyphenating our names would be a good idea. Talk about a mouthful. I mean, our poor children.” 

“Your last name it is, then,” Isak said, letting his hand fall down into Even’s lap and squeezing his thigh. “Thank you.” 

“For what?” 

“For wanting me, for keeping me around, for saying you’ll want me forever,” Isak said quietly, rubbing Even’s thigh and leaning over to rest his head on his shoulder as he continued to drive. Feeling Isak like that again after his Down Days filled Even up with happiness. 

“I love you, Isak,” Even said, resting his head on Isak’s but staring at the road in front of him. They had to drop the car off at home then go to the Secret Santa party at the Kollectiv. They’d exchange gifts, hang out, then head home later where they would hold each other for the rest of the evening, which would be a perfect way to end the holiday. They’d cuddle and kiss and just enjoy each other. 

“I love you, too, Ev.”  
* 

**~New Year’s Eve~**

They were officially sleeping in their own apartment by the twenty-seventh of December. They then proceeded to keep themselves locked up in the apartment together right until New Years Eve when their friends messaged them and asked if they’d ever see them again. Of course, Isak would love to be locked up with Even in their apartment together forever, so he wanted to tell them no, but they were very adamant about how they had to spend the night. Or rather the early morning of the New Year.

Even and Isak wanted to spend this particular holiday alone together. Something about ringing in the New Year, just the two of them felt like a sort of promise to end the year in the same place. And Isak wanted that promise, because the year to come was going to be a big one. Even would graduate, start college and then who knew what. It scared Isak, though he’d never say it and though Even seemed to think he had all of that under control. But the New Years promise put him at ease. A little. 

“So, we have to meet at Jonas’ by one. They say that we need to be prepared for a very late night because I guess they’re planning to party hop,” Isak rolled his eyes and looked through his closet, he thought he had that suit jacket he’d worn on halloween somewhere, but maybe it was back at Even’s parents. “And they’ve found a couple clubs that I guess we might be able to manage to get in despite age.” 

“Is Magnus going to be flashing his tits to get you in?” Even asked, laying on the bed, watching Isak, in no rush to figure their night out. They had opened some champagne not too long ago, and he was sipping it leisurely, smiling to himself as he laid their. Isak was trying not to look at him too much because he was looking particularly sexy in that position.

“As long as they don’t need anything from me, I don’t care what they do,” Isak told him, closing the closet door and putting his hands on his hips. “They said to dress nice. Do you have any idea what you’re going to wear?” 

“Nei,” Even shook his head and shrugged, sitting up and then patting the bed beside him, “But, come here, I have an idea.” 

“An idea for what?” Isak asked, walking over to the bed—grabbing his champagne off the bedside table on the way—and sitting beside him. “Because I don’t think I have anything nice to wear. Or not exceptionally nice.” 

“An idea for the evening,” Even said, raising his eyebrows and then moving to straddle Isak, being careful of both of their drinks in hand, “21:21 is in thirteen minutes, at that time we start getting dirty, until midnight when we both orgasm, bringing in the new year the best way ever. Shower immediately after and I’ll take care of both our outfits. Easy.” 

“Are you saying you want to have sex with me for two and a half hours?” Isak asked, raising his eyebrows, “Because, I mean, I know we can go pretty long but that’s definitely long than we’ve ever gone. And you think we can shower, find outfits, and get ready all within an hour?” 

“It sounds like a challenge, I know,” Even said with a shrug, smirking, “I just figured that if anyone could manage, it’d be us.” 

“I’d say you’re probably right about that,” Isak couldn’t help but blush, leaning back and downing his champagne. He and Even were good at prolonging sex—something that Eskild had told Isak was called _edging_ —but it seemed like thinking they could last over two and a half hours was being optimistic. “But if fucking for over two hours kills me, make sure everyone knows your dick killed me. They’ll need to know how dangerous that thing is.” 

“You need a little more faith in yourself, babe,” Even said with a little wink, taking his champagne glass and setting both of them aside before pushing Isak back in the bed, running his hands up and down his chest. “I think you could manage plus some. You’re incredible in bed. You’d hardly know I was your first. Or maybe it’s just me.” 

“First and only forever,” Isak said, letting his own hand slip up Even’s shirt, “So, even if it was just you, we’d never know. I’d like to think we both contribute though. It’s a team effort.” 

“Definitely a team effort,” Even nodded, biting at his lip, “Hey, have we ever talked about that?” 

“Talked about what?” Isak asked, raising an eyebrow and pushing up Even’s shirt. He said he wanted to start at 21:21 but Isak wanted him now, even if it meant not making it to midnight. Even calling the two of them a team just making Isak feel invincible, energetic. 

“Our sex life, and how it feels I guess,” Even said with a little shrug, moving his hands up Isak’s arms until he could grab his hands off his torso and link their fingers together. 

“Unless you’re talking about talking dirty, then no,” Isak said, looking at him for a moment before something clicked in his head. “Which is actually kind of weird because, I mean, you used to tell me everything about your sex life, Like it was story time or something. Which, I know I’m _witnessing_ it now, but I still feel like I got more detail from your stories. Because I got what was going on inside your head, too.”

“That’s exactly what I was just thinking,” Even said, moving to sit against the headboard of their bed and motioning for Isak to join. He did gladly, crawling up to his side and cuddling into him. “We don’t need to spend the full two and a half hours having sex. We can start by talking about it. Because, I happen to have been seeing someone for a couple months now, his name is Isak...and wow. He’s absolutely amazing. The whole package, honestly.” 

“That sounds like an exaggeration,” Isak said with a little laugh, feeling his cheeks heat up a little bit. He remembered when Even used to come to him about his sexual encounters, they’d cuddle up, sometimes Even would lay his head in Isak’s lap until he had to tell him to move because he was getting turned on. He liked listening because it was a lot of detail, Even didn’t mind inviting him in on the most personal part of his life. He liked being that close with him, but damn he was glad to actually have sex with him now. It was way better than savoring the details and pretending he was with him later on.

“It’s not!” Even said with a little laugh, “He’s ambitious, if you ask me. He’s always up for anything and that’s kind of incredible. Amazes me every single time we hit the sheets. And his body, oh my god his body. He’s got a perfect body and I know it sounds cheesy but it fits perfectly with mine.”

“He’d say the same about your body,” Isak told Even honestly, because, fuck, he could stare at naked Even all day every day. And they really did fit together just right in ways Isak couldn’t quite describe.

“Hmm,” Even said with a smile and a kiss to the side of Isak’s face, “What do you think he would say about how good he is? I mean, when our hips are working together so damn _right?_ Whew. He even knows exactly how to move those hips every time, and he moves them so damn right.” 

“So his hips don’t lie, then?” Isak asked with a little laugh, not being about to help himself. 

“I would say they don’t,” Even said with a little chuckle of his own before moving to look Isak in the eyes, “But honestly, the best part about sex with him is how it feels. I mean, not just physically, which is already way too amazing, but mentally too. I mean, in his arms, I feel cared for, I feel like I have someone close to me who gets me, who loves me. It’s beautiful. I’ve never felt like that during sex. Not even when I thought I was in love before.”

“You don’t know how happy I am to hear that, Ev,” Isak said gently, moving to press his forehead against Even’s, “Not just as your boyfriend but as your best friend. All I ever want is for you to find someone who makes you happy. It’s just a bonus that I’m that one.” 

“As long as you’re the Isak I’m talking about.” 

“Oh, I am so the Isak you’re talking about,” Isak said with a smirk before abruptly pressing their lips together, ready for them to get the move on. Suddenly feeling complete fired up and ready for two and a half hours of sex. Maybe it had all been Even’s plan to work him up to get him into the mood, but he didn’t care, they dived right in; shedding clothes, kissing hungrily, sucking and biting at each other's skin, teasing , moaning, making sure to give attention to each and every part of their counter's body. It was beautiful and fun and almost too passionate as they dragged it out.

And they were really close, honestly. Just minutes shy. It was Isak’s fault, he couldn’t quite hold on. Fifteen more minutes felt like ages and he was having the hardest time holding on. Even convinced him it was okay before he let go and then the two of them spent the stroke up midnight cuddling in the aftermath with champagne in hand. Isak thought that was a successful and acceptable way to ring in the New Year with his boyfriend. 

They spent extra time with the cuddling and had to take the speediest shower together so that they could get ready in time. And, by that time, Isak had had so much champagne that he was tipsy enough not to be able to tie his tie. 

“Alright, come here, let me tie it for you,” Even told him, walking over and trying to tie it for him. 

“Nei, I’m a master at tying ties, I got this,” Isak said, spinning around and then continuing to try a couple times before giving up with a sigh and turning back to him in defeat. “Fine, tie it for me baby.”

“Evi?” Even asked, a little rumbled of a laugh coming out of his chest. Isak assumed he was just about as drunk as Isak was, the two of them having shared an equal amount of champagne. At least they’d be a lot of fun for the boys. 

“Huh?” Isak asked, not understanding what was funny or where he was going with _Evi_. Was Even more drunk and hearing things or was Isak slurring? He didn’t know, he didn’t care, he watched Even as he took the ends of his tie in his hands.

“I thought you called me Evi, like some sort of cutesy nickname,” Even said with another laugh, shaking his head and and tying up the tie for him and patting his chest. 

“Uh, hell no,” Isak said, shaking his head and then turning to look into the mirror. “Thank you.”

“No problem, love,” Even said, walking up behind him and wrapping his arms around him. He rested his head on his shoulder and looked at him in the mirror. “You look amazing.”

“So do you,” Isak said, turning his head and kissing the side of his face a couple of times. He was so happy and so ready to go out with their friends. Ready to start a new year with the people he loved the most. Especially the boy beside him. “Ready for a new year, Evi?” 

“With you? Always. Every year with you from here on out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay I hope you enjoyed I'm probably starting the sequel soon but I'm probably also going to be posting other things before that but I'm glad for everyone who's read and enjoyed and had a good time with this story and I hope you read what I have to write in the future and thank you and yes.


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